1
00:00:00,167 --> 00:00:01,627
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

2
00:00:01,877 --> 00:00:03,504
(ALARM CLOCK RINGS)

3
00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:14,931
(SLURPING)

4
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(LIGHTSABERS BUZZ)

5
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(EXPLOSION)

6
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ANNOUNCER: <i>It's been a
magical evening here tonight,</i>

7
00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:50,717
<i>but now it's time for the award
you've all been waiting for.</i>

8
00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:53,595
<i>The award for best
new young talent.</i>

9
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,765
<i>This year's award
goes to Louis Stevens.</i>

10
00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:57,975
(APPLAUSE, CHEERING)

11
00:00:58,100 --> 00:01:00,352
LOUIS: <i>Oh, wow! Oh, thank you.</i>

12
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<i>Oh, thanks. I want
to thank all the guys.</i>

13
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:06,066
<i>Michael Richards. Uh,
uh, Chris Rock. Adam.</i>

14
00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:07,776
<i>You guys have no idea</i>

15
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,987
<i>how hard I've worked
to get this trophy.</i>

16
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,114
<i>Not just this trophy...</i>

17
00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:14,241
<i>but any trophy.</i>

18
00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:19,871
Louis, what are you doing?

19
00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:21,290
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
- Hey, Ma.

20
00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:23,750
Oh, I'm just picturing how
my trophy is going to look

21
00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:25,544
when I win first place
at the talent show.

22
00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:27,045
- (CHUCKLING) Oh!
- LOUIS: Yeah.

23
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:28,380
Don't rehearsals start today?

24
00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:30,966
No. No, no, no, Mom.
It's Tuesday at 3:00.

25
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,136
Honey, today is Tuesday
And it's already, uh... 3:15.

26
00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:40,142
Have a good time!

27
00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:43,854
All work together,
we can make this

28
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the best talent show
Lawrence Junior High School

29
00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:47,733
has ever put on.

30
00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:52,112
This auditorium's perfect. Yo,
Ivan, make sure the guide wires

31
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,077
are able to support the
weight of the elephant.

32
00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:55,240
- Check.
- And be sure

33
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,743
the guy with the giant
pooper-scooper shows up this time.

34
00:01:58,076 --> 00:01:59,453
Pooper-scooper.

35
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,496
Ixnay on the elephant-sgay.

36
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:04,207
Can it, Beale. We know you
don't have an elephant in your act.

37
00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:06,752
You'll be singing a different
tune when me and my elephant

38
00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:09,004
stomp off with the
first-place trophy. Thanks.

39
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:11,298
The talent show isn't
about winning, Larry.

40
00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:13,216
It's about coming together
for a common cause.

41
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,303
Spoken like a true loser.

42
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,222
- (SCOFFS) Whatever.
- (CRASHING)

43
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:24,853
(CLATTERING)

44
00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:28,815
Ah, Louis Stevens. Are you lost?

45
00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:33,195
No. Came to check
out my first-place trophy.

46
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,074
Oh! Well, listen, take a seat.

47
00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:39,117
We're about to go over
the rehearsal schedule.

48
00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:40,994
All right. Okay. Excuse me.

49
00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:42,913
Pardon me, excuse me, pardon me.

50
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,791
Was that your toe? Sorry.

51
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,585
Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.

52
00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:49,753
I'm sorry, Louis,

53
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:52,047
but your name's not
on my list of contestants.

54
00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:54,758
No? It's not on the list?

55
00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:57,052
All right. Excuse me.

56
00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,763
One more time.
Excuse me. Excuse me.

57
00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:02,349
- Oh! Was that your toe again?
- Yes.

58
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:06,269
I'm sorry about that.
Excuse me, Larry.

59
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,482
Um... did you sign up?

60
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:12,442
I didn't see the sign-up sheet.

61
00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:14,903
There was one
posted in Study Hall.

62
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:17,072
A place you
obviously haven't been.

63
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,573
(SNICKERING)

64
00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:19,741
I've been to Study Hall.

65
00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:22,494
It's just... This has
been a busy week.

66
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:24,621
It's been posted for a month.

67
00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:27,249
Sorry, Louis, but today
was the cutoff at 3:00.

68
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,671
All right, I messed up. Okay?
I'm sorry, guys, I messed up, but...

69
00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,215
I mean, I'm here now,
and I know Miss Baker

70
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,633
isn't going to allow herself

71
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,219
to be a slave to a list.

72
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:42,639
Louis, you can't be in the show.

73
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,516
It's totally full.

74
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:48,478
Well, what if you cut...

75
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,231
What if you cut like, two
minutes from everyone's act?

76
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:54,532
Then everybody would have eight
minutes, and you'd have a half an hour.

77
00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:55,902
(LAUGHTER)

78
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,112
That's cool.

79
00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,948
Oh. Oh. Miss Baker. Miss Baker.

80
00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:03,410
I know how much Louis, my
brother wants to be in the show

81
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:06,997
so... I will sacrifice
two minutes.

82
00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:08,289
(LAUGHTER)

83
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:10,917
(SIGHS) That's very nice, Ren.

84
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:12,252
(INAUDIBLE)

85
00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:14,796
But the roster,
i-it's totally full.

86
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:17,799
Um... listen, I tell you what.

87
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:20,385
If somebody drops out,
you can have their spot.

88
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,804
- All right.
- We have any takers?

89
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,181
Any takers?

90
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,517
We got... We got
a taker. Right here.

91
00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:29,311
- No.
- No.

92
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:30,604
Okay.

93
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,606
I need to get on with
this rehearsal schedule.

94
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,858
I got to get in
that show, buddy.

95
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:40,280
I just love talent shows.

96
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:42,866
Everyone is so... talented.

97
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:47,120
What if I do something
from <i>Romeo and Juliet?</i>

98
00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:51,082
Everyone identifies with the
star-crossed ill-fated lovers.

99
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:55,045
(SINGING IN FRENCH)

100
00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:56,379
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

101
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,556
Just came to tell you that
your singing... is magical.

102
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:13,730
(VOCALIZING)

103
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,315
(SINGING IN FRENCH)

104
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:17,078
LOUIS: <i>I'll bet a
lot of people'd like it.</i>

105
00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:20,028
(AUDIENCE CLAMORING)

106
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:24,699
It's beautiful.

107
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,493
Why, thank you, Louis.

108
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:28,328
But Beale,

109
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,956
he gives us fun,
pageantry and excitement.

110
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:32,958
Next to that, opera is boring.

111
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,085
In fact, they would've
named it "boring,"

112
00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:36,753
but it was already
taken by ballet.

113
00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:39,214
I thought you said you
liked my singing, Louis.

114
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:43,426
I do. I like your singing. But
everyone's not as cultured

115
00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:45,428
- as I am, Ren.
- I'm sure people are sick

116
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,639
of Beale's phony
illusions by now.

117
00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:51,893
But why leave it to chance?
It'd only be a short time for me

118
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,728
- to rework my routine.
- (SIGHS)

119
00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:56,982
And there could be a two-man
act. We could win this thing.

120
00:05:57,649 --> 00:05:59,067
Louis, you heard Miss Baker.

121
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:01,196
You're just going to
have to wait till next year.

122
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:03,889
Let's cut right to
the chase, Ren.

123
00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:08,076
You and Donnie win things
all the time. I want this.

124
00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:09,369
Well, you win stuff.

125
00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:13,206
Being awarded "worst case of poison
ivy" at Camp Wocheeka does not count.

126
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:15,876
(SCOFFS) I'm... I'm
sorry. (SNICKERS)

127
00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:21,506
LOUIS: Sit with the idea a few
days! Own it! Take it for a spin!

128
00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:25,385
Tawny!

129
00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:28,346
I've been looking
all over for you!

130
00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:33,685
You know... I wrote
the funniest routine

131
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,729
for you and me to
do at the talent show.

132
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:38,064
- I don't do funny.
- Well, that's the beauty part.

133
00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:39,524
You don't have to be funny.

134
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,526
Let me put it to you
another way, Louis.

135
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,404
- I don't work with you.
- Oh.

136
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:47,073
I'm reciting an uplifting
and inspirational poem.

137
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:50,660
(SNICKERS) Yeah, that's
sure to have them in the aisles.

138
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:54,831
Look. I don't do funny
because I don't want to be funny.

139
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:57,709
Do you see this face?

140
00:06:58,835 --> 00:06:59,878
Yeah.

141
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:01,630
This is me being funny.

142
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,592
There's always next year, Louis.

143
00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:08,178
Next year?

144
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,765
Next year might
be too late. Okay?

145
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:16,019
Men don't live long
in my family, Tawny!

146
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:19,064
Tawny!

147
00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:21,733
STEVE: <i>What's green and
goes 150 miles an hour?</i>

148
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,461
- DONNIE: Oh, gee.
- A frog in a blender.

149
00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:25,528
- (LAUGHTER)
- All right. Hold it! Look, look.

150
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:28,031
Today at practice, I
ran six touchdowns.

151
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,992
The coach says that might
be a new quarterback record.

152
00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:32,786
Well, congratulations, honey.

153
00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:35,538
Hey, that's excellent.
Son, you're on your way

154
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,666
- to a sure football scholarship.
- I know.

155
00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:40,043
- STEVE: Mm-hmm!
- Know what I was just thinking?

156
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:42,921
I was thinking about all
those times when we were little

157
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,965
- and all that stuff we used to do.
- No.

158
00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:46,257
Yeah.

159
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,509
We were inseparable.

160
00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:50,261
Oh, that's right. That's right.
Uh, we shared a playpen,

161
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:51,638
and you vomited on me.

162
00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:54,015
Hmm. Happy, happy times.

163
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:56,309
Hey. What's going on, you two?

164
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,606
He wanted to sign up
for the talent competition,

165
00:07:58,687 --> 00:07:59,813
and all the spots are taken.

166
00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,648
So now you're trying
to horn in on mine.

167
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:04,818
- No, I'm not.
- Well, Ren... he's your brother.

168
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,737
You know how
important this is to him.

169
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:12,659
Oh. Why don't you do
something together?

170
00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:13,994
Mom, please.

171
00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:15,078
Ha!

172
00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:16,329
Do you remember...

173
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:19,582
Remember that cute little song they
used to sing when they were little?

174
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:23,503
Oh, they had a whole routine
worked out. They were so adorable.

175
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,714
Uh, uh, uh, uh...

176
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:28,758
(SINGING)<i> Tea for
two And two for tea</i>

177
00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:30,135
(SINGING ALONG) <i>Me for you.</i>

178
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:32,220
<i>And you for me.</i>

179
00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:35,849
<i>Oh, can't you see
How happy we will be?</i>

180
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,183
(IMITATING INSTRUMENTS)

181
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:39,686
- Mom, Dad.
- You guys

182
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,980
are such a great team,
You're like Nichols and May.

183
00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:43,064
Who's that?

184
00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:45,025
- Stiller and Meara.
- Who?

185
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:47,694
Beavis and Butthead?

186
00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:49,362
- Oh. All right.
- REN: Ew.

187
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:52,032
Well, honey, we're not
going to make you do it.

188
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,284
I mean, it's your choice.

189
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:56,578
I am just a fan.

190
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:57,745
A fan.

191
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,582
Who happens to
control your allowance.

192
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:08,798
(LOUIS HUMMING "TEA FOR TWO")

193
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:14,663
- (GIRL EXHALES)
- LOUIS: Good job.

194
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:17,361
- Louis, I'm not so sure about this act.
- Ren, listen to me, okay?

195
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:18,600
This act is gold.

196
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,727
I almost sold this
very act to Jay Leno.

197
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:23,354
Okay, but I'm just going on
the record saying I'm doing this

198
00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:24,981
- for Mom and Dad.
- I know. Me, too.

199
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:26,775
- All right, you nervous? Good.
- No.

200
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:29,444
Hi.

201
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:31,279
Louis.

202
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,008
I know history is
your favorite class.

203
00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:35,408
So what are you studying
now, the Revolutionary War?

204
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:38,620
Uh-huh, and old Miss Pringle
makes it very interesting.

205
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,663
- Why's that?
- 'Cause she was there.

206
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:42,248
(LAUGHTER)

207
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,502
So you're saying your
history teacher is old.

208
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,629
- How old is she?
- Let's put it this way:

209
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,380
Her social security
number... is one.

210
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:57,305
Miss Pringle's from a small
town in Kansas, isn't she?

211
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,224
Very small. In
fact, it's so small

212
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:01,226
that when people are
walking across the street

213
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:03,770
the sign flashes "mosey"
and "don't mosey."

214
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,230
(LAUGHTER)

215
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,357
- They're good.
- Yeah.

216
00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:08,817
That's not good.

217
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,527
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

218
00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:11,945
No.

219
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:23,623
Hey, I caught your brother's
act today. It was good.

220
00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:25,834
- Hmm! What are you up to, Beale?
- Chill, girl,

221
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:27,603
- I was just paying a compliment.
- (SCOFFS)

222
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:30,964
I thought you did the right thing
dropping out of the show to help Louis.

223
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:32,882
I did not drop out.

224
00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:35,969
Louis and I are a
two-man act, a duo.

225
00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:39,931
You're just scared 'cause we're
funny, and we might beat you.

226
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,976
Louis is funny, but you...

227
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,980
You're just the
straight man, the flunky.

228
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,274
Look.

229
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,402
I know that Louis has done some
pretty rotten things in the past,

230
00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:55,029
but he would not use me.
We're a... We're a team.

231
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,533
Oh, yeah? And one
of your jokes is...?

232
00:10:58,616 --> 00:10:59,616
Well, I say...

233
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,288
- Well, I say...
- Uh-huh.

234
00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:06,124
Later, flunky.

235
00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:13,590
BEALE'S VOICE:
<i>You're just a straight man.</i>

236
00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:16,593
<i>The flunky. The
flunky. The flunky.</i>

237
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:26,936
I'm so glad Louis and Ren are
finally doing something together.

238
00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:29,022
- Me, too.
- Yeah, you know what?

239
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:31,983
It's so nice to see little
ones getting along so well.

240
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,694
Aw. And isn't it nice that you

241
00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:36,613
can still appreciate
it, old man.

242
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,365
- (CHUCKLES)
- You know, I used to do

243
00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:41,743
a little performing
myself back in college.

244
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:43,494
Really?

245
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,455
I don't remember you performing.

246
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:49,167
Yes. My first year of law
school. I had a little juggling act.

247
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:50,919
Oh, goodness.

248
00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:52,545
STEVENS: Here.

249
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:54,923
Funny, I don't remember
you being a juggler, Dad.

250
00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:56,090
Let me show you.

251
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,761
Uh... EILEEN: Honey? Uh...

252
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:03,556
(CHUCKLES)

253
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:06,142
Another one.

254
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:08,769
Another one.

255
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,064
Another!

256
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,065
One more!

257
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:17,987
(BRASS BASS BLOWING)

258
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:25,828
(SNICKERS)

259
00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:31,709
Well, looks like
omelets for breakfast.

260
00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:36,631
Mosey...

261
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:39,384
Don't mosey. (LAUGHS)

262
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:41,219
Crack myself up.

263
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,889
Oh, hey, Ren. Just
making some tweaks

264
00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,766
to the, uh, act.

265
00:12:47,058 --> 00:12:48,893
But it's gold. It's brilliant.

266
00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:50,395
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

267
00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,127
We're gonna kill
at the talent show.

268
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,773
Don't you mean
you're going to kill?

269
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:58,236
No, I said, "we're
gonna kill." It's our act.

270
00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:00,822
Well, if it's our
act, then how come

271
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:03,700
all I do is ask questions
while you get all the jokes?

272
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:06,369
- Louis, I am not your flunky.
- I know.

273
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,415
Ren, you say a lot of jokes.

274
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:12,834
You say that one
about the turtle...

275
00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:16,629
- That's mine.
- REN: Mm-hmm.

276
00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:20,633
But you do say that
one about the old one...

277
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,386
I didn't know you
wanted to be funny.

278
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,722
When Larry Beale told
me what you were up to

279
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:28,008
I didn't want to believe
him, but it's true, isn't it?

280
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,018
Please tell me, tell
me that I'm wrong.

281
00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:36,107
You're making too much of this.

282
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,318
- Am I?
- Mm-hmm.

283
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:40,444
Look,

284
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:42,780
you went through a lot
of trouble to set this up.

285
00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:45,658
And it so obvious that it means

286
00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:47,952
a lot more to you
than it does to me, so...

287
00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:49,495
tell you what.

288
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:53,249
Since you want it so
badly, you can have it.

289
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:54,917
'Cause I quit.

290
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:56,961
Fine.

291
00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:19,192
Whoever said,
"children are our future"

292
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,652
must have been talking
about this next young lady.

293
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:25,239
The pride of Ms. Montague's
homeroom, Tawny Dean.

294
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:26,949
(APPLAUSE)

295
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:35,166
I'm going to recite an original
poem called "Too Bad."

296
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,503
<i>You think your life
is different. It's not.</i>

297
00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:42,256
<i>Your life is the same
as her life, as his life.</i>

298
00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:44,967
<i>As all of their lives.</i>

299
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,011
<i>Too bad.</i>

300
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,222
<i>For you, I mean.</i>

301
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:51,474
<i>Because I'm an original.</i>

302
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:54,143
<i>And you're not.</i>

303
00:14:54,936 --> 00:14:56,062
<i>And that's just...</i>

304
00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:58,439
<i>too bad.</i>

305
00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:08,282
(SOLITARY CLAPPING)

306
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:17,875
Did you understand that?

307
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:22,046
Not a word. But, boy,
is she hot, huh? Ha!

308
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,222
(LAUGHING)

309
00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:34,600
You really think you're gonna
beat me with those lame jokes?

310
00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:36,936
- Get real.
- Yeah, get real.

311
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:40,940
You don't think you're gonna beat
me with that tired magic act, do you?

312
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:42,942
I'm making a stealth
bomber disappear.

313
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:45,570
Yeah? Larry's making a
stealth bomber disappear.

314
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:48,156
- Wow.
- Ladies and gentlemen, let's give it up

315
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:51,075
for the magical
stylings of Larry Beale.

316
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:52,743
(APPLAUSE)

317
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:01,043
So, this year, instead
of my magic act,

318
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,171
we're going to do
something entirely different.

319
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:06,466
So folks, give a round
of applause for my boy,

320
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:08,634
my assistant, Ivan.

321
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,386
(APPLAUSE)

322
00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:22,607
So, Larry, I hear that your
favorite subject in school is history.

323
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:24,192
Yeah. And my history teacher

324
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,819
old Miss Pringle, knows
how to make it very interesting.

325
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:28,738
Why is that?

326
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,323
Because she was there.

327
00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:38,998
So, wait a second.

328
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:41,501
What you're saying is,
your history teacher's old.

329
00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,794
- How old is she?
- Let's just put it this way:

330
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,254
Her social security number

331
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:47,673
- is one. One!
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

332
00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,560
I like that. Thank you.

333
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,647
So old Miss Pringle,

334
00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,525
she comes from a small
town in Kansas, right?

335
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,068
Really small.

336
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,153
- When people cross the street...
- Yeah?

337
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:12,281
The sign flashes "mosey"
and "don't mosey."

338
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:13,783
Don't mo... (LAUGHS)

339
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,625
I guess I had it coming.

340
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:26,879
But I saw a chance for
me to finally be up on stage

341
00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:28,701
performing like all my heroes...

342
00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:31,592
and getting a trophy for it.

343
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:39,016
I mean, I know it was
wrong, but it was sort of like

344
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:42,770
I was possessed by the
soul of an unknown comic.

345
00:17:44,313 --> 00:17:45,314
Hey.

346
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,117
- You know, Beale stole my jokes.
- I know.

347
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:57,243
LOUIS: Well...

348
00:17:57,535 --> 00:17:58,786
What a heel.

349
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:04,250
I know you wanted to win, Louis,
but it's not the end of the world.

350
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,002
(MUFFLED LAUGHTER)

351
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:07,295
Ren...

352
00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:09,672
I'm really, really sorry.

353
00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:12,758
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

354
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:14,694
I wouldn't want to
be the unlucky person

355
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:17,430
who has to follow me,
you know what I'm saying?

356
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,516
Louis, come on.

357
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:22,935
- You're next.
- I don't have any more jokes.

358
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:25,855
- He took all my jokes.
- You have lots of jokes. Go.

359
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,274
Yeah, but none are good
enough. If I go out there,

360
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,001
I'm just going to
embarrass myself, Ren.

361
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:31,736
- I'm not doing that.
- Well...

362
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:35,531
what if we did something together,
sort of shared the embarrassment?

363
00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:37,992
You'd go out there
with me after what I did?

364
00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:39,493
MS. BAKER: Louis!

365
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:42,038
Sure. And I have an idea...

366
00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:44,498
that just might work.

367
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:46,876
Opera? Are you insane?

368
00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:48,919
- You're insane.
- No!

369
00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:51,797
You know how Mom talked about
how we performed when we were little?

370
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,592
- I don't like where this is going.
- You owe me.

371
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:58,304
I'm not doing it,
Ren. I'm not doing it.

372
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,932
- I'm not doing it.
- (APPLAUSE)

373
00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:07,396
(SINGING OPERA)

374
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:25,581
(LOUIS MOUTHING WORDS)

375
00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:26,999
(LAUGHTER)

376
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:46,060
(LIP SYNCING MALE OPERA SINGER)

377
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,352
- (INAUDIBLE)
- (APPLAUSE, CHEERING CONTINUES)

378
00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:39,989
(INAUDIBLE)

379
00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:42,450
(MOUTHING) Thank you.

380
00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:47,788
Woo! All the way from
Lawrence Junior High...

381
00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:50,207
- it's the Stevens!
- Lou, you and Ren

382
00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:52,012
- were terrific together.
- Thank you, Dad.

383
00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:54,378
- Thank you. Nice shirt.
- Aw. My two babies

384
00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:57,173
were on stage together
And you were so wonderful.

385
00:20:57,506 --> 00:20:59,884
- Thank you.
- Donnie got everything on tape.

386
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:01,594
- See?
- Oh.

387
00:21:01,802 --> 00:21:03,471
Let's celebrate. How
about some ice cream?

388
00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:04,805
Count me in.

389
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,683
When I was an undergrad I
had this plate-spinning act.

390
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:10,730
- Bring this camera, I'll show you.
- (LAUGHS) I gotta see this. Hold on.

391
00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:12,605
Plate spinning?
Not with my dishes,

392
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:13,939
- you don't.
- Yeah.

393
00:21:14,148 --> 00:21:15,483
(REN SIGHS)

394
00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:18,194
This is yours.

395
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,740
No, I couldn't. You've been
waiting all your life for this.

396
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:26,952
Yeah, but I couldn't
have gotten it without you.

397
00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:29,914
I mean, it was our
act, so it's your trophy.

398
00:21:30,748 --> 00:21:32,041
Thanks.

399
00:21:32,166 --> 00:21:34,794
Guess we really taught Larry
Beale how to put on an act, huh?

400
00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:36,587
(LAUGHING) Oh, we did.

401
00:21:37,588 --> 00:21:39,632
You're not really going to
keep that, are you, Ren?

402
00:21:39,882 --> 00:21:41,717
You're supposed to give
it back one more time.

403
00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:43,511
- Why?
- That's the comic rule of three.

404
00:21:43,844 --> 00:21:45,095
I don't know that rule.

405
00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:47,473
That's 'cause you don't
understand comedy.

406
00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:49,099
I'll teach you.

407
00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:52,311
Meet at my room?
Bring the trophy, okay?

408
00:21:52,895 --> 00:21:53,938
Please?

409
00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:58,734
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)