1 00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:08,655 [audience cheering] 2 00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:10,965 [grunts] 3 00:00:11,068 --> 00:00:12,241 I'll be cheering for you, Quail. 4 00:00:12,344 --> 00:00:13,896 - Thanks, Sheila. - He knows my name. 5 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,206 Make us proud, Quail. 6 00:00:15,310 --> 00:00:16,482 I'll try my best, Principal Gunther. 7 00:00:16,586 --> 00:00:17,793 He knows my name. 8 00:00:17,896 --> 00:00:20,310 ANNOUNCER: This is for the championship. 9 00:00:22,586 --> 00:00:25,551 Yes, he's got it. He's jumped the highest jump of all. 10 00:00:25,655 --> 00:00:27,689 [cheering, applause] 11 00:00:30,206 --> 00:00:31,655 I won, Dad. Coach said 12 00:00:31,758 --> 00:00:33,758 I might be the highest jumper in the state. 13 00:00:33,862 --> 00:00:35,172 HAWK: Mm-hmm. 14 00:00:36,965 --> 00:00:39,379 I'm also the star quarterback of the football team. 15 00:00:39,482 --> 00:00:42,068 But that's a fall sport, and it's spring right now. 16 00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:44,275 - Mm. - I'm also the valedictorian 17 00:00:44,379 --> 00:00:47,103 - with a full ride to college? - [grunts] 18 00:00:47,206 --> 00:00:49,206 Dad, aren't you proud of me? 19 00:00:49,310 --> 00:00:51,068 [can clatters] 20 00:00:51,931 --> 00:00:55,000 You'll never own... 21 00:00:55,965 --> 00:00:57,689 ...a museum. 22 00:00:58,758 --> 00:01:01,034 [groans] 23 00:01:12,517 --> 00:01:14,655 Big day today, Mr. Eegan. 24 00:01:14,758 --> 00:01:16,517 Are you excited for your grand opening? 25 00:01:16,620 --> 00:01:18,517 Shut the fuck up. 26 00:01:25,862 --> 00:01:27,689 Now that it's been a few days, I just want to say 27 00:01:27,793 --> 00:01:29,482 I'm so glad that I finally told you guys 28 00:01:29,586 --> 00:01:31,310 I've been keeping Bella's frozen corpse in my chamber. 29 00:01:31,413 --> 00:01:33,724 I still can't believe Saltine freaked out and quit. 30 00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:36,137 I mean, it's just my late wife's dead body. 31 00:01:36,241 --> 00:01:37,586 That's not so weird, is it? 32 00:01:37,689 --> 00:01:39,275 - [groans] - Well, I mean, you know... 33 00:01:39,379 --> 00:01:40,896 Wait a minute, What's with the hemming? 34 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,655 To say nothing of the hawing. 35 00:01:42,758 --> 00:01:43,724 It is weird, Rip. 36 00:01:43,827 --> 00:01:46,172 But everybody's a little weird. 37 00:01:46,275 --> 00:01:48,655 For example, for a brief period in the 1990s, 38 00:01:48,758 --> 00:01:51,965 I used to eat my pizza crust first. 39 00:01:52,068 --> 00:01:53,620 Ew! 40 00:01:53,724 --> 00:01:55,310 Um, okay, so we're even. 41 00:01:55,413 --> 00:01:57,310 How did you manage to pull this off? 42 00:01:57,413 --> 00:01:59,241 A fine question, for 'tis a tale 43 00:01:59,344 --> 00:02:01,379 most worthy of telling indeed. 44 00:02:01,482 --> 00:02:04,000 It all began 12 years ago on the Zientek glacier. 45 00:02:04,103 --> 00:02:06,206 This cave bird doesn't look like she's aged a day. 46 00:02:06,310 --> 00:02:08,931 That's because the glacier's ice contains special mineral 47 00:02:09,034 --> 00:02:11,068 properties that preserve bodies for eternity. 48 00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:13,862 But once a body is removed, it's only a matter of minutes 49 00:02:13,965 --> 00:02:15,620 - before it crumbles to dust. - That was the museum. 50 00:02:15,724 --> 00:02:18,551 We got to head to Mondonesia to find the molten idol. 51 00:02:18,655 --> 00:02:21,310 And we all know how that turned out. 52 00:02:21,413 --> 00:02:24,586 I will not let you die! 53 00:02:24,689 --> 00:02:26,586 Oh, God, her heart stopped beating. 54 00:02:26,689 --> 00:02:29,620 That's the type of day I'm having. 55 00:02:29,724 --> 00:02:31,724 [grunting] 56 00:02:31,827 --> 00:02:33,551 [panting] 57 00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:35,896 [grunting] 58 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:37,172 [crying] 59 00:02:38,137 --> 00:02:41,206 [grunting] 60 00:02:41,310 --> 00:02:43,413 [cries, grunts] 61 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,965 And I've been looking for the Holy Grail ever since. 62 00:02:49,068 --> 00:02:51,586 While the glacier ice has kept her perfectly preserved. 63 00:02:51,689 --> 00:02:52,896 Wow. Great story. 64 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,931 And you're not worried that the ice is melting? 65 00:02:55,034 --> 00:02:56,310 What? Aw! 66 00:02:56,413 --> 00:02:57,482 Oh, no, no, no, no! 67 00:02:57,586 --> 00:02:59,137 Oh, so it's not supposed to be. 68 00:02:59,241 --> 00:03:00,241 Okay, nobody panic. 69 00:03:00,344 --> 00:03:02,000 To the microfiche. 70 00:03:02,103 --> 00:03:04,482 Okay, okay, okay, okay. 71 00:03:04,586 --> 00:03:06,758 Oh, crap. It says here that the Zientek ice's 72 00:03:06,862 --> 00:03:08,689 unique chemical composition is breaking down 73 00:03:08,793 --> 00:03:10,310 and there's nothing we can do. 74 00:03:10,413 --> 00:03:12,241 And at the rate Bella's block is melting... 75 00:03:12,344 --> 00:03:14,448 We have less than a day before it's gone. 76 00:03:14,551 --> 00:03:16,241 Good thing I know where the Grail is now. 77 00:03:16,344 --> 00:03:17,724 At Quail's new museum. 78 00:03:17,827 --> 00:03:20,000 I'll just go steal it from him, as is my wont. 79 00:03:20,103 --> 00:03:21,551 - I'm in. - I'm in, too. 80 00:03:21,655 --> 00:03:23,965 But it won't be easy. Today 81 00:03:24,068 --> 00:03:25,517 is Quail's museum opening. 82 00:03:25,620 --> 00:03:27,241 RIP: Oh, I didn't even know we had a TV down here. 83 00:03:27,344 --> 00:03:30,206 Welcome back to the Eegan Museum's opening ceremony. 84 00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:32,172 It's a day of nonstop excitement, 85 00:03:32,275 --> 00:03:35,068 all leading up to the grand opening tonight at 7:00 p.m. 86 00:03:35,172 --> 00:03:37,689 But before that happens, Zane Troy will debut his new single 87 00:03:37,793 --> 00:03:40,689 and become the latest celebrity to also launch a music career. 88 00:03:40,793 --> 00:03:43,482 Following in the footsteps of Florence Foster Jenkins. 89 00:03:43,586 --> 00:03:45,793 That place is crawling with security. 90 00:03:45,896 --> 00:03:48,206 In that case, I won't bring the Grail to Bella. 91 00:03:48,310 --> 00:03:49,896 I'll bring Bella to the Grail. 92 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,931 It's just too bad Saltine isn't here to help. 93 00:03:52,034 --> 00:03:54,517 I'm actually glad she's gone 'cause she was so annoying. 94 00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:56,379 She was always pushing my butt in. 95 00:03:56,482 --> 00:03:58,655 I think you mean "pushing my buttons"? 96 00:03:58,758 --> 00:04:00,310 What? No, that's not a phrase. 97 00:04:00,413 --> 00:04:01,965 She was pushing my butt in. 98 00:04:02,068 --> 00:04:03,827 You know, getting under my skin, rubbing me the wrong way, 99 00:04:03,931 --> 00:04:05,310 bursting my butthole. 100 00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:06,689 You mean "bursting your bubble"? 101 00:04:06,793 --> 00:04:08,620 No, I don't mean bursting my bubble, goddamn it! 102 00:04:08,724 --> 00:04:10,931 What don't you understand here, you stubborn old mule? 103 00:04:11,034 --> 00:04:13,896 - Hey, watch it, buster. - Agatha, walk with me. 104 00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:17,482 My main man Rip has something called "idiom blindness." 105 00:04:17,586 --> 00:04:20,137 It's very rare, but it's real, and he's got it. 106 00:04:20,241 --> 00:04:22,448 So if you're really his friend, you'll just ignore it 107 00:04:22,551 --> 00:04:23,931 and pretend he said the right thing. 108 00:04:24,034 --> 00:04:25,793 - That's insane. - But you got to think about it 109 00:04:25,896 --> 00:04:28,206 from his perspective. He's living in hell. 110 00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,068 Idioms are flying this way and that, 111 00:04:30,172 --> 00:04:32,448 and poor Rippy thinks they're all about his butt. 112 00:04:32,551 --> 00:04:34,896 [sighs] Fine. 113 00:04:36,103 --> 00:04:37,482 Sorry about that, Rip. 114 00:04:37,586 --> 00:04:40,862 Apology graciously accepted... by me. 115 00:04:40,965 --> 00:04:43,103 Anyway, Saltine sucks, and we all agree. 116 00:04:43,206 --> 00:04:46,620 Nevertheless, I wonder what she's up to right now. 117 00:04:46,724 --> 00:04:49,482 - Here's your itinerary, boss. - Oh, thanks, Saltine. 118 00:04:49,586 --> 00:04:52,000 - You are an amazing assistant. - Thank you, sir. 119 00:04:52,103 --> 00:04:53,896 You know, I had my reservations about working for you, 120 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,482 but then I realized I needed a job 121 00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:56,896 if I didn't want to starve to death. 122 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,724 Oh, that's so kind of you to say, Saltine. 123 00:04:59,827 --> 00:05:01,793 It's not too early for champagne, is it? 124 00:05:01,896 --> 00:05:02,793 [grunts] 125 00:05:02,896 --> 00:05:05,448 - Uh... - What? I drink. 126 00:05:05,551 --> 00:05:07,413 I smoke. You got a problem with that? 127 00:05:07,517 --> 00:05:09,862 Take it up with I don't give a rat's ass! 128 00:05:09,965 --> 00:05:11,689 [laughs]: Oh, my darling wife. 129 00:05:11,793 --> 00:05:13,620 It's so wonderful to see you, baby. 130 00:05:13,724 --> 00:05:15,310 It's even more wonderful to be me. 131 00:05:15,413 --> 00:05:16,862 [moaning] 132 00:05:18,344 --> 00:05:20,275 I love being a wife guy. 133 00:05:20,379 --> 00:05:22,103 I know. You're such a wife guy. 134 00:05:22,206 --> 00:05:23,551 [whoops] 135 00:05:23,655 --> 00:05:25,551 Can I be honest? I'm surprised 136 00:05:25,655 --> 00:05:26,965 the two of you are still together. 137 00:05:27,068 --> 00:05:28,620 I thought you were only marrying her for the Grail. 138 00:05:28,724 --> 00:05:30,275 Oh, at first so did I, but she showed me things 139 00:05:30,379 --> 00:05:32,379 in the bedroom that have made me question the fabric 140 00:05:32,482 --> 00:05:34,724 - of my reality in a good way. - [groans] 141 00:05:34,827 --> 00:05:36,793 - Hey, boss. - Trisket, just in time. 142 00:05:36,896 --> 00:05:39,310 Listen, I need the two of you to keep watch over the Holy Grail 143 00:05:39,413 --> 00:05:40,793 until its big unveiling tonight. 144 00:05:40,896 --> 00:05:43,379 It's a massive responsibility, but I trust you. 145 00:05:43,482 --> 00:05:45,931 And thy trust shall be rewarded, good sir. 146 00:05:46,034 --> 00:05:47,275 Great, uh, 147 00:05:47,379 --> 00:05:48,931 - but-but don't say that, yeah? - You got it. 148 00:05:49,034 --> 00:05:50,758 AGATHA: I tracked down the blueprints for the Eegan, 149 00:05:50,862 --> 00:05:53,517 thanks to my shadowy network of lowlives and scoundrels. 150 00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,379 Don't even ask what I had to do. 151 00:05:55,482 --> 00:05:56,896 I wasn't going to. 152 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,931 Asking questions is a sign of weakness in a man. 153 00:05:59,034 --> 00:06:00,758 Agreed. We'll put Bella in a crate, 154 00:06:00,862 --> 00:06:03,172 and you'll sneak her in by posing as a delivery man. 155 00:06:03,275 --> 00:06:04,517 Swooper will be your driver. 156 00:06:04,620 --> 00:06:06,172 Ever driven a delivery truck? 157 00:06:06,275 --> 00:06:08,689 Come on, Rip, you know I can drive, sail or fly anything. 158 00:06:08,793 --> 00:06:10,655 Except a pogo stick. 159 00:06:10,758 --> 00:06:12,482 So don't even think about making me use a pogo. 160 00:06:12,586 --> 00:06:14,758 - I hate that! - That's fine, Swooper. 161 00:06:14,862 --> 00:06:16,758 I'm not going to ask you to use a pogo stick. 162 00:06:16,862 --> 00:06:18,758 Good. And don't ask me why I feel this way. 163 00:06:18,862 --> 00:06:21,586 [crying]: The memory is too painful! 164 00:06:22,620 --> 00:06:25,137 This is so cool that we get to work together. 165 00:06:25,241 --> 00:06:27,034 And we get to guard the Grail? 166 00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:30,689 If anyone tries to take it, I'm gonna be like, "Gadoosh!" 167 00:06:30,793 --> 00:06:33,275 Yeah. And then I'll be like, "Kadorf." 168 00:06:33,379 --> 00:06:34,379 Whoa. Really? 169 00:06:34,482 --> 00:06:36,586 Yeah. Did I mention I'm crazy? 170 00:06:36,689 --> 00:06:38,137 Well, I'm gonna hit the can. 171 00:06:38,241 --> 00:06:39,620 Okay. 172 00:06:41,310 --> 00:06:42,620 MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Bitch. 173 00:06:42,724 --> 00:06:45,586 What? Who said that? 174 00:06:45,689 --> 00:06:47,965 - Fat bitch. - [gasps] Wait. 175 00:06:48,068 --> 00:06:50,896 The Holy Grail shouldn't call people bitches. 176 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,689 [screams] 177 00:06:55,379 --> 00:06:56,724 [heads screech] 178 00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,379 - [screeches] - [screams] 179 00:07:02,517 --> 00:07:04,344 [screaming] 180 00:07:04,448 --> 00:07:06,896 [gasps] Oh, my God! What were those hellish visions? 181 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,068 - [screams] - You all right, Saltine? 182 00:07:09,172 --> 00:07:10,758 Um... 183 00:07:10,862 --> 00:07:12,896 yeah, I just forgot I have an appointment 184 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,586 with, uh, my plastic surgeon. 185 00:07:15,689 --> 00:07:17,724 I'm getting my butt... 186 00:07:17,827 --> 00:07:19,379 crack... 187 00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:21,137 lengthened. 188 00:07:22,379 --> 00:07:23,827 Okay. 189 00:07:23,931 --> 00:07:25,896 All right, Swooper, if I'm not back by 8:00 p.m., 190 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,103 - you know what to do. - Yep. Freak out and go nuts. 191 00:07:28,206 --> 00:07:29,862 Just totally wigging out and attacking people 192 00:07:29,965 --> 00:07:31,793 - and screaming your name. - Exactly. 193 00:07:31,896 --> 00:07:34,000 No, wait. It means I'm in trouble and you need to help me. 194 00:07:34,103 --> 00:07:35,620 Got my papers right here 195 00:07:35,724 --> 00:07:38,172 from the Totally Legit Delivery Company. 196 00:07:38,275 --> 00:07:40,931 - Sounds totally legit. - What the...? 197 00:07:41,034 --> 00:07:42,620 I don't remember ordering anything 198 00:07:42,724 --> 00:07:44,206 from Totally Legit Delivery. 199 00:07:44,310 --> 00:07:45,448 Freeze it. 200 00:07:45,551 --> 00:07:48,137 Zoom in... closer. 201 00:07:48,241 --> 00:07:49,586 Closer. 202 00:07:49,689 --> 00:07:52,137 I'd recognize that pore anywhere. 203 00:07:52,241 --> 00:07:53,931 That's Rip Digman. 204 00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,758 - Why would Rip Digman be here? - There can only be one reason. 205 00:07:58,862 --> 00:08:00,689 He thinks he co-wrote my new song. 206 00:08:00,793 --> 00:08:02,482 But it was an interpolation! 207 00:08:02,586 --> 00:08:04,517 Zaney! 208 00:08:04,620 --> 00:08:06,000 Oh, it's you. 209 00:08:06,103 --> 00:08:07,827 - I need to ask you something. - Let me guess. 210 00:08:07,931 --> 00:08:09,482 Where do babies come from? 211 00:08:09,586 --> 00:08:11,103 Look, I don't know, okay? 212 00:08:11,206 --> 00:08:12,586 No, it's about the Grail. 213 00:08:12,689 --> 00:08:14,206 I know the Grail came from Puffland, 214 00:08:14,310 --> 00:08:16,827 - so I thought maybe you... - You don't know anything! 215 00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:18,896 I think you've had too much champagne. 216 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,862 More like nine much champagne. 217 00:08:20,965 --> 00:08:24,068 [sighs] Give me a light, would you? 218 00:08:24,172 --> 00:08:25,620 Let me guess. 219 00:08:25,724 --> 00:08:27,310 It called you a bitch. 220 00:08:27,413 --> 00:08:29,310 Yes, and I'm not a bitch. 221 00:08:29,413 --> 00:08:31,103 Unless I haven't had my java. 222 00:08:31,206 --> 00:08:33,620 Did it also show you hellish visions, including a pig nun? 223 00:08:33,724 --> 00:08:35,689 Pig nun, yes! Why's it doing that? 224 00:08:35,793 --> 00:08:37,034 I wish I knew. 225 00:08:37,137 --> 00:08:38,896 There were some in Puffland who hated 226 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,517 the Grail, wanted it gone. 227 00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:42,724 They said a man named the Antiquarian 228 00:08:42,827 --> 00:08:44,310 told them the truth about it, 229 00:08:44,413 --> 00:08:45,758 but that's all I know. 230 00:08:45,862 --> 00:08:47,655 Wow. That's actually quite a bit. 231 00:08:47,758 --> 00:08:49,172 So who is the Antiquarian? 232 00:08:49,275 --> 00:08:51,275 Ugh, what is with all the questions? I feel like 233 00:08:51,379 --> 00:08:53,586 I'm on an episode of the hit game show Jeopardy! 234 00:08:53,689 --> 00:08:55,172 Look, my life is perfect now with Zane. 235 00:08:55,275 --> 00:08:56,793 Don't ruin it by looking into the Grail. 236 00:08:56,896 --> 00:08:58,586 I'm sorry. I just want to know what-- aah! 237 00:08:58,689 --> 00:09:00,310 Quit making me feel like I'm on an episode 238 00:09:00,413 --> 00:09:01,896 of the hit game show Jeopardy! 239 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,413 - And get out of here! - [screams] 240 00:09:03,517 --> 00:09:05,862 Okay, Swooper, I'm entering the Hall of Weapons. 241 00:09:05,965 --> 00:09:08,206 Looks like the walls are quadruple-plated steel. 242 00:09:08,310 --> 00:09:10,103 - So our signal might... - [static crackling] 243 00:09:10,206 --> 00:09:12,689 What's that, Rippy? You're breaking up. Rip! 244 00:09:12,793 --> 00:09:14,344 Swooper. Hello? 245 00:09:14,448 --> 00:09:16,896 ZANE: Rip Digman. 246 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,379 I always knew this day would come. 247 00:09:19,482 --> 00:09:21,586 Tuesday, June 20th. How? 248 00:09:21,689 --> 00:09:23,482 Not the date. I'm talking about... 249 00:09:23,586 --> 00:09:25,413 our final showdown. 250 00:09:25,517 --> 00:09:27,724 Now... choose your weapon. 251 00:09:27,827 --> 00:09:30,620 - [squeaks] - Very well. [grunts] 252 00:09:31,344 --> 00:09:32,068 What the...? 253 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,241 Oh, shit. 254 00:09:33,344 --> 00:09:34,310 Uh, no matter. 255 00:09:34,413 --> 00:09:36,482 I shall still but defeat you. 256 00:09:36,586 --> 00:09:37,758 Prepare to meet... 257 00:09:37,862 --> 00:09:40,482 your physical equal! 258 00:09:40,586 --> 00:09:43,241 [both shouting] 259 00:09:44,862 --> 00:09:46,275 Too bad the signal gave out. 260 00:09:46,379 --> 00:09:50,172 But knowing Rip, he's doing just fine. 261 00:09:50,275 --> 00:09:52,896 [both grunting] 262 00:09:56,655 --> 00:09:58,689 I know why you're here, Rip. 263 00:09:58,793 --> 00:10:00,103 - You do? [grunts] - Yes. 264 00:10:00,206 --> 00:10:01,965 You think you co-wrote my song, 265 00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:04,000 so you're here to ruin my performance. 266 00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:07,000 Oh, thank God. Yes, that's exactly it. 267 00:10:07,103 --> 00:10:08,689 I knew it. 268 00:10:08,793 --> 00:10:10,896 That's always been your problem. 269 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,724 You've never wanted to share the spotlight 270 00:10:12,827 --> 00:10:14,344 because you knew I was better. 271 00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:16,310 That's why you held me back all those years. 272 00:10:16,413 --> 00:10:18,827 - [grunts] - [shouting] 273 00:10:20,310 --> 00:10:22,310 I never held you back. 274 00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:23,793 I was only so tough on you 275 00:10:23,896 --> 00:10:25,034 because I wanted you to be the best. 276 00:10:25,137 --> 00:10:26,689 Like the teacher in that Paul Reiser movie 277 00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:27,689 Whiplash. 278 00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:30,137 [both grunting] 279 00:10:30,241 --> 00:10:32,620 Well, then you betrayed me like Paul Reiser in Alien. 280 00:10:32,724 --> 00:10:35,275 And now I'm mad about you! 281 00:10:35,379 --> 00:10:36,896 That is horrid grammar. 282 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,000 - [grunts] - Ow. [whimpers] 283 00:10:45,137 --> 00:10:47,241 If you're such a great mentor, Rip, 284 00:10:47,344 --> 00:10:50,068 then why do your assistants keep quitting? 285 00:10:50,172 --> 00:10:53,137 You know, when Saltine came to me begging for a job, 286 00:10:53,241 --> 00:10:56,586 I hired her because I knew we shared a special connection. 287 00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:59,413 - [gasps] - Unless you didn't know. 288 00:10:59,517 --> 00:11:01,137 You didn't, did you? 289 00:11:01,241 --> 00:11:03,551 Well, she's my assistant now. 290 00:11:03,655 --> 00:11:06,517 And she says I'm the best boss 291 00:11:06,620 --> 00:11:08,551 she's ever had. 292 00:11:08,655 --> 00:11:10,862 - No! - [grunting] 293 00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:14,931 Aah! Room temperature tea! 294 00:11:15,034 --> 00:11:16,689 - [angry squeaking] - [yells, groans] 295 00:11:16,793 --> 00:11:18,551 [grunts] 296 00:11:18,655 --> 00:11:20,103 Fleety! [grunts] 297 00:11:20,206 --> 00:11:21,517 Aw, man. 298 00:11:21,620 --> 00:11:23,379 [grunting] 299 00:11:23,482 --> 00:11:24,931 - [groans, gasps] - Face it, Rip. 300 00:11:25,034 --> 00:11:26,379 Your story ends here, 301 00:11:26,482 --> 00:11:28,896 while my legend will only continue to grow. 302 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,482 That's always been your problem, Zane. 303 00:11:30,586 --> 00:11:33,241 You care more about personal glory than you do about history. 304 00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:35,620 I mean, did you even know that, during the Reformation, 305 00:11:35,724 --> 00:11:37,068 Catholicism was outlawed in England 306 00:11:37,172 --> 00:11:38,724 so homes were built with hidden priest holes 307 00:11:38,827 --> 00:11:39,862 where clergy members could hide? 308 00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:41,482 - So? - So... 309 00:11:41,586 --> 00:11:42,896 you're standing on one. 310 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,517 - Now, Fleety! - [grunts] 311 00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:45,655 Whoa! 312 00:11:45,758 --> 00:11:46,827 - Bloody hell! - [squeaks] 313 00:11:46,931 --> 00:11:48,172 All right, Fleety, let's go back 314 00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:49,862 - and get that crate. - TRISKET: Boss? 315 00:11:49,965 --> 00:11:51,586 ZANE: Over here! I'm in a priest hole! 316 00:11:51,689 --> 00:11:53,862 Oh, my God. "In a priest hole"? 317 00:11:53,965 --> 00:11:55,965 I have so many distasteful retorts to that, 318 00:11:56,068 --> 00:11:57,413 but I'm not even gonna go there! 319 00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:58,758 [gasps] 320 00:11:59,413 --> 00:12:00,655 Oh, crap! 321 00:12:00,758 --> 00:12:02,482 You're the only person I could turn to. Please. 322 00:12:02,586 --> 00:12:04,793 I thought you quit. I don't help quitters. 323 00:12:04,896 --> 00:12:06,206 I know, but I need information. 324 00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:07,827 And nobody knows more about the underbelly 325 00:12:07,931 --> 00:12:09,137 of the arky world than you. 326 00:12:09,241 --> 00:12:10,931 So, tell me, who is the Antiquarian? 327 00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:13,517 I prayed this day would never come. 328 00:12:13,620 --> 00:12:15,448 I guess that proves it. 329 00:12:15,551 --> 00:12:16,931 I don't know how to pray. 330 00:12:17,034 --> 00:12:18,448 Agatha! Please tell me who it is 331 00:12:18,551 --> 00:12:20,724 or I'll absolutely beef in my khakis! 332 00:12:20,827 --> 00:12:22,241 Fine. He knows more than anyone 333 00:12:22,344 --> 00:12:24,517 about rare and obscure historical objects, 334 00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:27,000 but he's not someone you want anything to do with. 335 00:12:27,103 --> 00:12:28,275 Look, I've already said too much. 336 00:12:28,379 --> 00:12:29,862 Just stay away from his nightclub 337 00:12:29,965 --> 00:12:32,655 on the outskirts of town at 4409 Hemlock Avenue, 338 00:12:32,758 --> 00:12:35,482 even though there's usually ample street parking. 339 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:40,310 You don't think she could be going to the...? 340 00:12:40,413 --> 00:12:41,965 Nah. 341 00:12:42,068 --> 00:12:43,862 TRISKET: Rip, I know you're in here. 342 00:12:43,965 --> 00:12:45,413 I can smell your monkey. 343 00:12:45,517 --> 00:12:47,482 Fleety! You see what happens when you don't let me 344 00:12:47,586 --> 00:12:49,620 - give you a bath? - [grumbles] 345 00:12:49,724 --> 00:12:51,241 Huh. 346 00:12:53,034 --> 00:12:54,896 What the dickens? 347 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,137 Oh, God! Who's this gonna be?! 348 00:13:00,517 --> 00:13:03,620 Dad, look, I took all the money I made from my new invention 349 00:13:03,724 --> 00:13:07,068 and I bought a vase dating from the days of Alexander the Great. 350 00:13:07,172 --> 00:13:08,862 I know it's not much, but one day 351 00:13:08,965 --> 00:13:11,344 I'll own a museum full of them. 352 00:13:12,206 --> 00:13:13,827 Dad? [gasps] 353 00:13:16,310 --> 00:13:18,586 [buzzing] 354 00:13:18,689 --> 00:13:20,931 ♪ ♪ 355 00:13:23,379 --> 00:13:26,241 That's my dad. He always dreamed of seeing me open a museum, 356 00:13:26,344 --> 00:13:27,965 but he died before I ever could. 357 00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:29,896 So I had him cryogenically frozen 358 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,241 until I could find the Holy Grail 359 00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:33,000 and bring him back to make him proud. 360 00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:34,655 You don't think that's weird, do you? 361 00:13:34,758 --> 00:13:36,586 Oh, wait. Of course you don't. 362 00:13:36,689 --> 00:13:37,965 - [grunts] - Whoa! 363 00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:39,586 What is that?! 364 00:13:39,689 --> 00:13:41,413 Huh?! Is that Bella?! 365 00:13:41,517 --> 00:13:43,000 Wow, this is crazy! 366 00:13:43,103 --> 00:13:45,068 She's, like, frozen or something? 367 00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:46,206 I know you brought her here, Rip. 368 00:13:46,310 --> 00:13:47,620 We have you on, like, 50 cameras. 369 00:13:47,724 --> 00:13:48,931 Yeah, that makes sense. 370 00:13:49,034 --> 00:13:50,758 Now, what do you say we bring them 371 00:13:50,862 --> 00:13:53,517 both back to life? 372 00:13:53,620 --> 00:13:55,137 Rip, do you copy? 373 00:13:55,241 --> 00:13:57,896 Damn it. Rip, just in case you can hear me, 374 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:02,310 I feel it's time to finally admit why I hate pogo sticks. 375 00:14:02,413 --> 00:14:04,896 I used to love pogo-sticking as a kid. 376 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,862 I'd pogo all over town. 377 00:14:06,965 --> 00:14:09,896 But then, one day, I left my pogo unattended, 378 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,586 and my grandpa, who idolized me, 379 00:14:12,689 --> 00:14:13,655 took it for a ride. 380 00:14:13,758 --> 00:14:15,551 He pogoed up to the town canyon 381 00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:16,793 - and went over the edge... - [gasps] 382 00:14:16,896 --> 00:14:18,206 - No! - [screaming] 383 00:14:18,310 --> 00:14:19,448 ...where he bounced off 384 00:14:19,551 --> 00:14:21,103 the canyon floor and then shot up 385 00:14:21,206 --> 00:14:22,931 into the sky! And he got chopped up 386 00:14:23,034 --> 00:14:25,275 in a passing seaplane's propeller. 387 00:14:25,379 --> 00:14:27,068 No...! 388 00:14:27,172 --> 00:14:30,172 The whole experience made my family uncomfortable. 389 00:14:30,275 --> 00:14:32,172 And ever since that day, 390 00:14:32,275 --> 00:14:34,896 - I never pogoed again. - [thunder crashes] 391 00:14:36,517 --> 00:14:38,586 [sighs deeply] 392 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:43,034 Okay, our next item is a 19th century Queen Anne highboy. 393 00:14:43,137 --> 00:14:44,034 Can I get a ten, ten, ten? 394 00:14:44,137 --> 00:14:45,448 How about 11 now, 11 now? 395 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:46,379 Ten, ten, ten, 11... 396 00:14:46,482 --> 00:14:48,137 Pennsylvania Dutch tinware 397 00:14:48,241 --> 00:14:49,793 with a tole-painted design. 398 00:14:49,896 --> 00:14:50,896 Vibrant colors. 399 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,000 Gooseneck spout. 400 00:14:52,103 --> 00:14:53,310 Yeah, I'd say that, in auction, 401 00:14:53,413 --> 00:14:55,275 this would go for roughly... 402 00:14:55,379 --> 00:14:56,275 nine Gs! 403 00:14:56,379 --> 00:14:58,517 Wow. Thank you, Antiquarian. 404 00:14:58,620 --> 00:15:00,689 Go see my associate to set up the auction. 405 00:15:00,793 --> 00:15:02,241 Our cut is 40%. 406 00:15:03,931 --> 00:15:05,068 And who the hell are you? 407 00:15:05,172 --> 00:15:06,551 I'm interested in the Holy Grail. 408 00:15:06,655 --> 00:15:08,965 No shit. Who isn't? It's the ultimate antique. 409 00:15:09,068 --> 00:15:11,344 Every asshole in here wants that thing on their mantel. 410 00:15:11,448 --> 00:15:12,965 Taffy? Mmm. 411 00:15:13,068 --> 00:15:14,724 Hooey, that's some salty water. 412 00:15:14,827 --> 00:15:16,310 No, you don't understand. 413 00:15:16,413 --> 00:15:18,275 I'm talking about the Grail that came from Puffland. 414 00:15:18,379 --> 00:15:19,620 Something's wrong with it. 415 00:15:19,724 --> 00:15:20,793 I don't know nothing 416 00:15:20,896 --> 00:15:22,172 - about that. - Yes, you do. 417 00:15:22,275 --> 00:15:24,206 And so what? I ought to wash your mouth out 418 00:15:24,310 --> 00:15:25,551 with distilled white vinegar 419 00:15:25,655 --> 00:15:27,689 and scrub you with artisanal potpourri 420 00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:29,758 for even mentioning that thing around me. 421 00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:33,344 Now beat it or I'll put an antique bullet in your brain. 422 00:15:33,448 --> 00:15:34,896 Do that 423 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,689 and they'll be cleaning you off the ceiling for weeks. 424 00:15:37,793 --> 00:15:40,172 Agatha? But I thought you said you don't help quitters. 425 00:15:40,275 --> 00:15:42,586 I always say crazy shit like that. 426 00:15:42,689 --> 00:15:44,241 I was just being random. 427 00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,655 Now you're gonna tell us everything about the Grail. 428 00:15:46,758 --> 00:15:48,103 Fine. I'll tell you. 429 00:15:48,206 --> 00:15:50,620 But you're not gonna like it. 430 00:15:50,724 --> 00:15:53,620 [upbeat music playing] 431 00:15:53,724 --> 00:15:54,655 - Yeah. - [cheering] 432 00:15:54,758 --> 00:15:55,931 [chuckles] Thank you! 433 00:15:56,034 --> 00:15:59,068 And now please welcome Quail Eegan! 434 00:15:59,172 --> 00:16:00,379 Showmanship! 435 00:16:00,482 --> 00:16:02,000 Now, I know there's been talk 436 00:16:02,103 --> 00:16:04,068 that I didn't find the real Holy Grail. 437 00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:05,827 So how about I prove it? 438 00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:07,344 - [whirring] - [cheering] 439 00:16:07,448 --> 00:16:11,482 [singsongy]: Let's resurrect some frozen corpses! 440 00:16:11,586 --> 00:16:12,655 This is my dad. 441 00:16:12,758 --> 00:16:14,724 And that's the great arky Bella Torres, 442 00:16:14,827 --> 00:16:16,724 who didn't take Rip Digman's last name. 443 00:16:16,827 --> 00:16:19,172 As you may know, they've both been dead for years. 444 00:16:19,275 --> 00:16:21,586 [singsongy]: But not for much longer. 445 00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:22,965 - MAN: Oh, my gosh. - [murmuring] 446 00:16:23,068 --> 00:16:26,137 ♪ ♪ 447 00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:36,758 Son? 448 00:16:36,862 --> 00:16:37,758 - [gasping] - Dad. 449 00:16:37,862 --> 00:16:38,896 Is it really you? 450 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,000 Where am I? 451 00:16:40,103 --> 00:16:41,206 The last thing I remember, 452 00:16:41,310 --> 00:16:42,551 I was in the kitchen. 453 00:16:42,655 --> 00:16:44,379 That's right, Dad. You died years ago, 454 00:16:44,482 --> 00:16:47,034 but I became a billionaire and brought you back to life 455 00:16:47,137 --> 00:16:48,551 using the Holy Grail 456 00:16:48,655 --> 00:16:51,068 so that you could see my spectacular new museum. 457 00:16:51,172 --> 00:16:53,379 That's what I was going to guess happened. 458 00:16:53,482 --> 00:16:56,068 Oh, Quail, I'm so proud of you. 459 00:16:56,172 --> 00:16:57,241 I love you. 460 00:16:57,344 --> 00:16:58,482 - I love you, too! - [cheering] 461 00:16:58,586 --> 00:17:00,034 MAN: Wow. Did you just see that? 462 00:17:00,137 --> 00:17:01,517 That was amazing. 463 00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:02,551 Your turn. 464 00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:04,551 Okay. 465 00:17:04,655 --> 00:17:06,551 Something's wrong. I got to help Rip. 466 00:17:06,655 --> 00:17:10,448 But this museum is huge. How will I find him in time? 467 00:17:11,310 --> 00:17:14,689 So we meet again, you springy bitch. 468 00:17:15,551 --> 00:17:16,517 Okay. 469 00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:17,655 Here I go. 470 00:17:17,758 --> 00:17:19,241 WOMAN: No, Rip! Don't! Don't! 471 00:17:19,344 --> 00:17:21,034 - Who said that? - [grunts] Rip! 472 00:17:21,137 --> 00:17:24,137 - Don't! - Saltine said that! 473 00:17:27,517 --> 00:17:28,931 Oh, this is just my luck. Here I am, trying to revive 474 00:17:29,034 --> 00:17:31,206 my frozen spouse with water from the Holy Grail, 475 00:17:31,310 --> 00:17:32,655 and who interrupts me? 476 00:17:32,758 --> 00:17:34,344 My former assistant! 477 00:17:34,448 --> 00:17:37,620 I wouldn't believe it myself if it wasn't my own crazy life! 478 00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,689 Rip, don't do it! It's... [grunts] 479 00:17:39,793 --> 00:17:42,034 Anyways, back to this. Aw. 480 00:17:42,137 --> 00:17:44,551 I haven't seen that ear in many moons. 481 00:17:44,655 --> 00:17:45,793 Huh. 482 00:17:45,896 --> 00:17:48,482 I forgot about that scar, though. [gasps] 483 00:17:48,931 --> 00:17:50,103 I'm just gonna open it. 484 00:17:50,206 --> 00:17:51,517 I don't think it's booby-trapped. 485 00:17:51,620 --> 00:17:52,724 It definitely is. 486 00:17:52,827 --> 00:17:53,896 I doubt it. 487 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,586 - [creaking] - [grunting] 488 00:17:55,689 --> 00:17:56,586 [gasps] 489 00:17:56,689 --> 00:17:58,103 It's gonna leave a scar, 490 00:17:58,206 --> 00:17:59,172 but you'll be fine. 491 00:17:59,275 --> 00:18:00,413 Why didn't you listen to me? 492 00:18:00,517 --> 00:18:01,758 I was trying to enjoy the ride 493 00:18:01,862 --> 00:18:03,793 and you just kept pushing my butt in. 494 00:18:03,896 --> 00:18:05,310 Rip, you only say that 495 00:18:05,413 --> 00:18:06,896 when someone who loves you is trying to help you. 496 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,034 You get mad that they know what's best for you. 497 00:18:09,137 --> 00:18:10,586 Why would I get mad about that? 498 00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:12,241 Because you have major psychological issues 499 00:18:12,344 --> 00:18:13,275 and you should go to therapy. 500 00:18:13,379 --> 00:18:14,931 The industry of death?! 501 00:18:15,034 --> 00:18:16,517 Just remember this, Rip-- 502 00:18:16,620 --> 00:18:19,482 whenever you think someone is "pushing your butt in," 503 00:18:19,586 --> 00:18:20,931 it means they care about you. 504 00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:23,379 So you should always listen to them... 505 00:18:23,482 --> 00:18:26,482 [echoing]: and do what they say. 506 00:18:26,586 --> 00:18:27,896 ♪ ♪ 507 00:18:29,310 --> 00:18:30,827 [quietly]: Rip, what are you waiting for? 508 00:18:34,103 --> 00:18:35,344 Let her drink from the Grail. 509 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,793 - Bring her back. - Yes, give her a sip. 510 00:18:36,896 --> 00:18:38,517 As another recently revived American, 511 00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:41,103 I can say it was quite refreshing. 512 00:18:43,172 --> 00:18:44,068 - No. - [gasping] 513 00:18:44,172 --> 00:18:46,137 And pray tell, why not? 514 00:18:46,241 --> 00:18:48,896 Because even though I want more than anything 515 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,241 to bring Bella back to life, 516 00:18:50,344 --> 00:18:52,275 what she would want me to do 517 00:18:52,379 --> 00:18:55,620 is listen to someone who pushes my butt in. 518 00:18:55,724 --> 00:18:56,655 [grunts] Whip! 519 00:18:56,758 --> 00:18:57,620 [yells] 520 00:18:57,724 --> 00:18:59,551 [grunts] Jump kick! 521 00:18:59,655 --> 00:19:02,448 I was a cod-headed fool to let you quit, Saltine. 522 00:19:02,551 --> 00:19:04,551 - I'm sorry. - Rip! 523 00:19:04,655 --> 00:19:06,793 I conquered my fear of pogo sticks! 524 00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:09,413 The main thing we all care about! 525 00:19:09,517 --> 00:19:10,758 Oh, shit. Is that the Grail? 526 00:19:10,862 --> 00:19:12,586 They stopped you from giving it to Bella? 527 00:19:12,689 --> 00:19:13,758 Don't worry! I'm on it! 528 00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:15,103 - Swooper, no! - Swooper, no! 529 00:19:15,206 --> 00:19:17,827 No...! 530 00:19:19,724 --> 00:19:21,517 - [panting] - [grunts] 531 00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:22,689 Bella? 532 00:19:22,793 --> 00:19:23,448 My love? 533 00:19:23,551 --> 00:19:25,103 Yes, it's me. 534 00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:26,103 I'm here. 535 00:19:26,206 --> 00:19:27,793 [chuckles] 536 00:19:27,896 --> 00:19:29,137 Not you. 537 00:19:29,241 --> 00:19:30,655 [low chuckle] 538 00:19:30,758 --> 00:19:32,482 - Huh?! - My dear. 539 00:19:32,586 --> 00:19:33,448 Papa? 540 00:19:33,551 --> 00:19:34,517 I was trying to tell you-- 541 00:19:34,620 --> 00:19:36,551 it's not the Holy Grail. 542 00:19:38,379 --> 00:19:39,862 It's the Unholy Grail. 543 00:19:39,965 --> 00:19:40,896 [distorted]: I'll be taking that. 544 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,241 Whoa! 545 00:19:42,344 --> 00:19:43,862 Let's raise a glass... 546 00:19:43,965 --> 00:19:45,137 to evil. 547 00:19:45,241 --> 00:19:46,413 How did I not notice that sticker? 548 00:19:46,517 --> 00:19:48,310 Bella, if you can hear me in there, 549 00:19:48,413 --> 00:19:49,793 you have to fight this! 550 00:19:49,896 --> 00:19:51,206 I am no longer Bella. 551 00:19:51,310 --> 00:19:53,724 I am the Antichrist! 552 00:19:53,827 --> 00:19:55,241 And I am... 553 00:19:55,344 --> 00:19:56,655 [distorted]: the Uncle Christ. 554 00:19:56,758 --> 00:19:58,344 Auntie Christ and Uncle Christ. 555 00:19:58,448 --> 00:19:59,620 That's really clever! 556 00:19:59,724 --> 00:20:02,172 And, together, we shall destroy 557 00:20:02,275 --> 00:20:04,517 all of mankind! 558 00:20:06,103 --> 00:20:07,689 [screaming] 559 00:20:10,172 --> 00:20:11,862 Die! 560 00:20:16,896 --> 00:20:18,655 Huh. 561 00:20:18,758 --> 00:20:20,379 HOWARD TOE: Following the incident at the Eegan tonight, 562 00:20:20,482 --> 00:20:22,827 the Antichrist and Uncle Christ destroyed a power plant, 563 00:20:22,931 --> 00:20:24,620 throwing the world further into chaos. 564 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:27,310 Hey, guys. Sorry again for bringing Bella back to life 565 00:20:27,413 --> 00:20:29,068 as the embodiment of pure evil. 566 00:20:29,172 --> 00:20:30,275 To make it up to you, 567 00:20:30,379 --> 00:20:32,620 I got acai bowls for everyone! 568 00:20:32,724 --> 00:20:35,862 Swooper, there's no time for acai bowls right now. 569 00:20:35,965 --> 00:20:37,310 - Not even a bite? - No! 570 00:20:37,413 --> 00:20:40,034 Because we have a new mission. 571 00:20:40,137 --> 00:20:42,068 [sighs] Stupid Antichrist 572 00:20:42,172 --> 00:20:43,275 ruining my grand opening. 573 00:20:43,379 --> 00:20:44,275 Hello, Mr. Eegan. 574 00:20:44,379 --> 00:20:45,862 Billy Themet? 575 00:20:45,965 --> 00:20:46,931 What are you doing here? 576 00:20:47,034 --> 00:20:48,275 I checked out your museum 577 00:20:48,379 --> 00:20:49,448 and found it to be... 578 00:20:49,551 --> 00:20:51,379 quite impressive indeed. 579 00:20:51,482 --> 00:20:54,103 But I ruined it all by unleashing hell on Earth. 580 00:20:54,206 --> 00:20:55,379 On the contrary. 581 00:20:55,482 --> 00:20:57,206 The Antichrist and the Uncle Christ 582 00:20:57,310 --> 00:20:59,241 may prove quite useful to us. 583 00:20:59,344 --> 00:21:02,068 Tell me, Mr. Eegan, have you ever heard of... 584 00:21:02,172 --> 00:21:03,068 The Council? 585 00:21:03,172 --> 00:21:04,448 RIP: We have 586 00:21:04,551 --> 00:21:06,379 a mission to restore order to the world. 587 00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:10,896 A mission to undo the horrors I have very indirectly caused. 588 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,862 And there's only one way to accomplish said mission. 589 00:21:13,965 --> 00:21:16,379 We have to kill Bella. 590 00:21:16,482 --> 00:21:18,448 - [gasping] - And how are we gonna do that? 591 00:21:18,551 --> 00:21:20,586 I'll tell you next season. 592 00:21:20,689 --> 00:21:22,517 - Season? - Yeah. As mentioned, 593 00:21:22,620 --> 00:21:25,793 today was June 20, aka the last day of spring. 594 00:21:25,896 --> 00:21:28,310 And it will be midnight in three, 595 00:21:28,413 --> 00:21:30,551 two, one. Now, as I was say... 596 00:21:54,344 --> 00:21:55,551 Chirp.