1 00:00:14,137 --> 00:00:16,275 Wow. This is so exciting. 2 00:00:16,379 --> 00:00:17,931 I've never been to Grailfest before. 3 00:00:18,034 --> 00:00:21,344 Indeed. It's the world's biggest convention for Holy Grail fans. 4 00:00:21,448 --> 00:00:24,413 Rip, can you just imagine if you found the Grail someday? 5 00:00:24,517 --> 00:00:26,551 I'd have to buy a friggin' oxygen tank 6 00:00:26,655 --> 00:00:28,689 because I wouldn't deserve to breathe the same air as you. 7 00:00:28,793 --> 00:00:31,241 Ha! That's certainly true, Swooper, my good friend. 8 00:00:31,344 --> 00:00:34,482 Folks. Everyone has the Holy Grail all wrong. 9 00:00:34,586 --> 00:00:37,000 It's not that it grants eternal life, no, no. 10 00:00:37,103 --> 00:00:38,655 It brings the dead back to life. 11 00:00:38,758 --> 00:00:40,689 Jesus, Ganesha, Osiris. 12 00:00:40,793 --> 00:00:42,068 They all drank from the Grail... 13 00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:44,448 and returned to life. 14 00:00:44,551 --> 00:00:46,379 Oh, Bella, someday I'll find the Holy Grail 15 00:00:46,482 --> 00:00:47,931 and bring you back to life. 16 00:00:48,034 --> 00:00:50,931 And then we will make love in the light of the waxing moon. 17 00:00:51,034 --> 00:00:53,793 Our guttural cries echoing in the olive black night 18 00:00:53,896 --> 00:00:58,586 like the roars of a sexually receptive chimera in estrus. 19 00:00:58,689 --> 00:01:01,172 - Right, Rip? Rip? - Huh? What-what were you saying? 20 00:01:01,275 --> 00:01:03,586 I said that guy was a grade A loon. 21 00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:06,068 He really thinks the Grail can bring the dead back to life? 22 00:01:06,172 --> 00:01:08,965 I didn't expect you to be so closed-minded, Saltine. 23 00:01:09,068 --> 00:01:11,103 Let me guess, you also believe the Earth is flat, 24 00:01:11,206 --> 00:01:15,103 despite mounting evidence to the contrary. 25 00:01:15,206 --> 00:01:17,413 What? No, I'm just saying that I hope 26 00:01:17,517 --> 00:01:20,034 the Grail can't resurrect people, that's creepy. 27 00:01:20,137 --> 00:01:21,931 I got to side with Saltine here, boss. 28 00:01:22,034 --> 00:01:25,344 Only a fucking monster would want to raise the dead. 29 00:01:25,448 --> 00:01:27,689 Oh. [chuckles] Well, yeah, I mean, of course I agree, 30 00:01:27,793 --> 00:01:30,000 but what if someone wanted to use it once for, like, 31 00:01:30,103 --> 00:01:32,517 a really good cause, and then they'd give it to a museum? 32 00:01:32,620 --> 00:01:34,965 Good one, Rip. Obviously, using an artifact 33 00:01:35,068 --> 00:01:36,655 for a selfish reason like that 34 00:01:36,758 --> 00:01:38,793 would break the arky code, which we would never do, right? 35 00:01:38,896 --> 00:01:41,275 Totally. Of course not. 36 00:01:41,379 --> 00:01:42,793 Okay, good. Well, I'm off. 37 00:01:42,896 --> 00:01:44,275 I heard there's another woman here, 38 00:01:44,379 --> 00:01:46,344 and I want to see if I can find her. 39 00:02:20,586 --> 00:02:21,931 And that's essentially how I keep 40 00:02:22,034 --> 00:02:23,482 my bum looking so proper fit. 41 00:02:23,586 --> 00:02:25,620 - Did I answer your question? - No. My question was, 42 00:02:25,724 --> 00:02:27,103 what's your favorite holiday? 43 00:02:27,206 --> 00:02:28,379 Well, what do you say we all get to 44 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,068 the real reason we're here today? 45 00:02:30,172 --> 00:02:31,827 Who loves museums? 46 00:02:33,551 --> 00:02:35,379 That's what I thought. And guess what. 47 00:02:35,482 --> 00:02:38,137 There's gonna be a new top dog in the museum game. 48 00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:39,379 Take a look. 49 00:02:39,482 --> 00:02:41,275 Hammurabi's hat. 50 00:02:41,379 --> 00:02:44,034 Edison's telephone. Angela's ashes. 51 00:02:44,137 --> 00:02:45,862 Big momma's house. 52 00:02:45,965 --> 00:02:47,931 These were some of the greatest lost treasures in history, 53 00:02:48,034 --> 00:02:50,724 until now, because soon you'll be able to find them all 54 00:02:50,827 --> 00:02:54,137 inside the greatest museum the world has ever known-- 55 00:02:54,241 --> 00:02:55,620 the Eegan. 56 00:02:55,724 --> 00:02:57,448 But I'm not opening my museum until we find 57 00:02:57,551 --> 00:03:00,275 the most important relic of all: the Holy Grail. 58 00:03:00,379 --> 00:03:02,137 And I'm not releasing my new single 59 00:03:02,241 --> 00:03:04,241 - until we find it. - This year... 60 00:03:04,344 --> 00:03:06,310 We will find the Holy Grail. 61 00:03:06,413 --> 00:03:08,551 QUAIL [echoing]: The Eegan. 62 00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:10,620 All right, listen up. I got good money 63 00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:12,068 for anyone who can tell me where to find the Grail. 64 00:03:12,172 --> 00:03:13,551 I know, I know... 65 00:03:13,655 --> 00:03:15,827 It's inside the sphinx, but only I know where. 66 00:03:15,931 --> 00:03:17,655 Let me guess. Inside the left nostril. 67 00:03:17,758 --> 00:03:19,862 - It's not. I checked. - It's inside the Titanic. 68 00:03:19,965 --> 00:03:21,724 Stowed behind the condenser in the turbine room? 69 00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:23,758 I looked. Nothing but starfish. 70 00:03:23,862 --> 00:03:27,103 I know where it is, but you'll have to do something for me. 71 00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:28,586 Get out of here, Indiana Jones. 72 00:03:28,689 --> 00:03:30,103 You fucking perv. Come on. 73 00:03:30,206 --> 00:03:32,000 Does anyone have an actual lead? 74 00:03:32,103 --> 00:03:33,413 Thought not. 75 00:03:34,655 --> 00:03:36,931 Hey, you're new here. 76 00:03:37,034 --> 00:03:38,827 Think you know where the Grail is hidden? 77 00:03:38,931 --> 00:03:40,275 I don't think anything. 78 00:03:40,379 --> 00:03:41,758 I know where it is. 79 00:03:41,862 --> 00:03:42,724 Oh, yeah? Where? 80 00:03:42,827 --> 00:03:44,482 I ain't telling just anyone. 81 00:03:44,586 --> 00:03:46,931 Only someone who's looking for it for the right reasons. 82 00:03:47,034 --> 00:03:49,000 So, why are you looking for it? 83 00:03:49,103 --> 00:03:52,793 Why, 'tis the desire of every arky to... 84 00:03:52,896 --> 00:03:54,551 to... 85 00:03:54,655 --> 00:03:56,517 For true love, that's the only reason, 86 00:03:56,620 --> 00:03:58,275 I must admit most heartfeltedly. 87 00:03:58,379 --> 00:03:59,758 Right answer. 88 00:03:59,862 --> 00:04:01,344 Follow this map. 89 00:04:01,448 --> 00:04:03,758 But what are all these blue lines? Oh, I see. 90 00:04:03,862 --> 00:04:05,758 Those are letters. Hmm. This is interesting. 91 00:04:05,862 --> 00:04:07,482 I wonder what Saltine and Swooper will think. 92 00:04:07,586 --> 00:04:09,344 Wait, I can't tell them. They'd think I'm a monster 93 00:04:09,448 --> 00:04:11,137 on par with Nosferatu himself. 94 00:04:11,241 --> 00:04:13,482 Looks like I got to do this solo. 95 00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:15,103 All right, fine. 96 00:04:15,206 --> 00:04:18,000 You can come, too. Thank you for the map, my new friend 97 00:04:18,103 --> 00:04:20,034 who immediately ghosted me? 98 00:04:20,137 --> 00:04:21,931 Well, time to hit the road. 99 00:04:27,344 --> 00:04:29,620 Blueberry pie?! 100 00:04:34,413 --> 00:04:35,793 Wow. I could be on the verge of 101 00:04:35,896 --> 00:04:37,413 the most important moment of my life. 102 00:04:37,517 --> 00:04:39,586 At a time like this, I believe John Keats put it best 103 00:04:39,689 --> 00:04:42,137 when he wrote-- Fleety, stop eating grass! 104 00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:44,965 Any word from Rip? It's been a week. 105 00:04:45,068 --> 00:04:46,482 Don't worry. It's not the first time 106 00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:47,793 he's taken off like this. 107 00:04:47,896 --> 00:04:49,206 Hmm. [gasps] I know. 108 00:04:49,310 --> 00:04:51,137 I'll look for clues inside his secret chamber. 109 00:04:51,241 --> 00:04:54,000 That's a bad idea. 110 00:04:54,103 --> 00:04:55,517 Because of the stink. 111 00:04:55,620 --> 00:04:57,827 But if you absolutely insist, you'll need this. 112 00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:00,655 Because of the stink. 113 00:05:01,724 --> 00:05:04,068 It does stink. 114 00:05:04,172 --> 00:05:05,724 What the hell? 115 00:05:05,827 --> 00:05:09,827 Now, let's see. Where might Rip leave a clue? 116 00:05:10,896 --> 00:05:11,965 Hmm. 117 00:05:15,172 --> 00:05:16,655 That's it. 118 00:05:16,758 --> 00:05:18,275 Yeah, well, that's why the yield 119 00:05:18,379 --> 00:05:20,551 on the benchmark ten-year Treasury note keeps rising. 120 00:05:20,655 --> 00:05:22,689 - I got it! - Hey, I was shitposting. 121 00:05:22,793 --> 00:05:24,137 I found a code in Rip's bathroom that uses 122 00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,310 the same syntax as my pet cat's tracking chip. 123 00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:28,275 I think there's a tracker in Fleety. 124 00:05:28,379 --> 00:05:31,137 I'm right. Look. 125 00:05:31,241 --> 00:05:32,758 He's on a mountain in Alaska. 126 00:05:32,862 --> 00:05:34,310 I don't have a good feeling about this. 127 00:05:34,413 --> 00:05:35,758 What if he's in danger? 128 00:05:35,862 --> 00:05:36,724 I don't want to see his name on a tombstone. 129 00:05:36,827 --> 00:05:38,241 His name is spelled R-I-P. 130 00:05:38,344 --> 00:05:40,137 You should get used to seeing it on tombstones. 131 00:05:40,241 --> 00:05:43,586 Gas up the plane, Swooper. We're heading to Alaska. 132 00:05:43,689 --> 00:05:45,413 No can do. Rip and Fleety are 133 00:05:45,517 --> 00:05:46,551 in the White Hell Mountain Range. 134 00:05:46,655 --> 00:05:48,172 It's inaccessible by normal plane. 135 00:05:48,275 --> 00:05:49,758 - You got to hike there. - We don't have time for that. 136 00:05:49,862 --> 00:05:51,827 Well, if you flew to a suborbital altitude, 137 00:05:51,931 --> 00:05:53,379 you could parachute in, but there's only 138 00:05:53,482 --> 00:05:55,482 one aircraft in the world that can do that, 139 00:05:55,586 --> 00:05:57,482 and you're not gonna like who has it. 140 00:05:57,586 --> 00:05:59,586 Quail Eegan. 141 00:05:59,689 --> 00:06:02,103 Sorry, I'm just setting up the voice mail for my new phone. 142 00:06:02,206 --> 00:06:04,793 So, what's this about wanting to use my plane? 143 00:06:04,896 --> 00:06:06,965 Careful, Fleety. I get the feeling we're about 144 00:06:07,068 --> 00:06:09,793 to encounter a dark and unfathomable horror. 145 00:06:09,896 --> 00:06:12,275 A Lovecraftian nightmare meant to shatter our sanity 146 00:06:12,379 --> 00:06:15,551 and cast our fragile minds into deepest despair. 147 00:06:15,655 --> 00:06:17,413 Nope. I was wrong. 148 00:06:17,517 --> 00:06:19,068 Whee! 149 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,482 Hey, couple quick questions. Who are you, 150 00:06:22,586 --> 00:06:23,689 and what the hell is this place? 151 00:06:23,793 --> 00:06:26,206 We are the Puff People. 152 00:06:26,310 --> 00:06:28,310 This is the Realm of Cumulus 153 00:06:28,413 --> 00:06:30,448 in the great Kingdom of Puffland. 154 00:06:30,551 --> 00:06:32,448 And that is the Jar on the Shelf. 155 00:06:32,551 --> 00:06:33,758 You don't say. 156 00:06:33,862 --> 00:06:35,724 Legend has it that whoever is able 157 00:06:35,827 --> 00:06:37,344 to pull that jar down from the shelf 158 00:06:37,448 --> 00:06:40,517 is the one true Lord of Cumulus. 159 00:06:40,620 --> 00:06:42,310 I've been practicing all year. 160 00:06:42,413 --> 00:06:44,551 I know I can reach the jar. 161 00:06:49,172 --> 00:06:52,068 Doggone it, it's impossible. 162 00:06:52,172 --> 00:06:53,137 Mind if I try? 163 00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:55,724 Sure, 164 00:06:55,827 --> 00:06:58,586 if you feel like embarrassing yourself. 165 00:06:58,689 --> 00:06:59,965 This ought to be good. 166 00:07:03,241 --> 00:07:05,793 All hail our new lord. 167 00:07:05,896 --> 00:07:07,827 Sorry I disrespected you, my lord. 168 00:07:07,931 --> 00:07:10,724 If you like, you may bed my wife while I watch. 169 00:07:10,827 --> 00:07:12,724 Okay. Well, actually, no. 170 00:07:12,827 --> 00:07:14,620 I'm on a mission, so no, thank you. 171 00:07:14,724 --> 00:07:16,793 - Rats. - Now, great Lord of Cumulus, 172 00:07:16,896 --> 00:07:18,827 you must travel to Castle Puff 173 00:07:18,931 --> 00:07:21,068 and make yourself known to the king. 174 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,758 Oh, I don't know if I'm up for all that. 175 00:07:24,862 --> 00:07:25,862 I'm just looking for a grail. 176 00:07:25,965 --> 00:07:27,620 You must mean the king's grail. 177 00:07:27,724 --> 00:07:28,965 You can find it at Castle Puff. 178 00:07:29,068 --> 00:07:30,758 Oh, no shit? Okay, then, sure, yeah. 179 00:07:30,862 --> 00:07:32,241 - I'll go meet the king. - Huzzah! 180 00:07:32,344 --> 00:07:34,724 You thinking what I'm thinking, Fleety? - 181 00:07:34,827 --> 00:07:36,655 Oh, yeah, no, I wasn't thinking that. 182 00:07:36,758 --> 00:07:38,827 Eh, I don't know if Ronald McDonald is sterile. 183 00:07:38,931 --> 00:07:41,379 I mean, if I had to guess, I'd say he's childless by choice, 184 00:07:41,482 --> 00:07:43,517 but I really couldn't say. 185 00:07:48,310 --> 00:07:50,965 So, what do you think of my expensive space plane? 186 00:07:51,068 --> 00:07:53,896 You may have all the latest gadgets and gizmos, 187 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,758 but there's one thing this plane doesn't have-- 188 00:07:55,862 --> 00:07:58,103 - a bathroom. - Yes, it does. 189 00:07:58,206 --> 00:08:01,103 - It's right over there. - Oh, really? Whoops. 190 00:08:01,206 --> 00:08:02,620 I took a dump in a flight helmet. 191 00:08:02,724 --> 00:08:04,931 Aw, poor Saltine. 192 00:08:05,034 --> 00:08:07,793 You're only now learning that Rip is as deceptive 193 00:08:07,896 --> 00:08:09,344 as an Eastern gray squirrel, 194 00:08:09,448 --> 00:08:11,827 which is a far more deceptive animal than a snake. 195 00:08:11,931 --> 00:08:14,034 He doesn't give one figgy whit about you. 196 00:08:14,137 --> 00:08:15,103 That's not true. 197 00:08:15,206 --> 00:08:16,793 Isn't it? He clearly got a hot tip 198 00:08:16,896 --> 00:08:18,758 at Grailfest and went off to find the Grail by himself 199 00:08:18,862 --> 00:08:21,172 so he wouldn't have to share credit with you. 200 00:08:21,275 --> 00:08:23,931 I should know. He used to do the same thing to me. 201 00:08:24,034 --> 00:08:26,482 I just want to find him and make sure he's safe. 202 00:08:26,586 --> 00:08:28,241 Oh, such a good assistant arky. 203 00:08:28,344 --> 00:08:30,448 After I find the Grail, you should come work for me 204 00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:31,758 alongside your little friend Trisket 205 00:08:31,862 --> 00:08:33,068 when she gets back from Birthright. 206 00:08:33,172 --> 00:08:34,241 I would never do that. 207 00:08:34,344 --> 00:08:35,551 I hate you, you arse. 208 00:08:35,655 --> 00:08:37,551 Excuse me, what about that time 209 00:08:37,655 --> 00:08:39,172 you were shot by a poisoned dart? 210 00:08:39,275 --> 00:08:41,034 I told you where to find the bloody antidote. 211 00:08:41,137 --> 00:08:42,586 - You're the one who shot me. - Yeah, fair enough. 212 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,034 Attention, passengers. 213 00:08:44,137 --> 00:08:45,620 I'm turning off the seat belt sign. 214 00:08:45,724 --> 00:08:47,068 Feel free to get up from your seat 215 00:08:47,172 --> 00:08:48,827 and jump your asses out of my plane. 216 00:08:51,482 --> 00:08:54,310 Gonna be pretty hard for me to not yell "cowabunga." 217 00:08:54,413 --> 00:08:55,724 Oh, please don't. 218 00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:59,068 Cowabunga...! 219 00:09:04,379 --> 00:09:08,275 They say it's good to be king, but I find it sad. 220 00:09:08,379 --> 00:09:09,896 There, there, sir. 221 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,103 All is not lost. King Puff. 222 00:09:12,206 --> 00:09:13,379 You have a visitor. 223 00:09:13,482 --> 00:09:15,482 The new lord from the Realm of Cumulus. 224 00:09:15,586 --> 00:09:17,655 Really? Show him in. Show him in. 225 00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,827 Good King, I am Lord Rip Digman. 226 00:09:21,896 --> 00:09:24,103 Uhp, you dropped this, King. 227 00:09:24,206 --> 00:09:26,827 My lad, I am so happy to meet you. 228 00:09:26,931 --> 00:09:28,068 Me? Why? 229 00:09:28,172 --> 00:09:30,551 My daughter is almost 390 years old, 230 00:09:30,655 --> 00:09:32,586 which is when Puff People start to talk 231 00:09:32,689 --> 00:09:34,413 if a young lady is not yet married. 232 00:09:34,517 --> 00:09:35,896 Yeah, that's a tough age for a woman. 233 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,793 I've tried to arrange a match with every lord 234 00:09:37,896 --> 00:09:40,793 in Puffland, and they've all rejected her. 235 00:09:40,896 --> 00:09:43,103 But perhaps you and she may hit it off. 236 00:09:43,206 --> 00:09:44,344 What? 237 00:09:44,448 --> 00:09:46,310 I'm sure she's lovely, my short king, 238 00:09:46,413 --> 00:09:48,551 but I must confess, I'm only here for the Grail. 239 00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:49,931 Well, why didn't you say so? 240 00:09:50,034 --> 00:09:51,655 I would be happy to give you the Grail 241 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,034 if you marry my daughter. 242 00:09:53,137 --> 00:09:54,172 Really? Okay. 243 00:09:54,275 --> 00:09:55,482 Wonderful. 244 00:09:55,586 --> 00:09:57,103 There is one final test, though. 245 00:09:57,206 --> 00:09:59,724 To be certain that you truly deserve the Grail, 246 00:09:59,827 --> 00:10:02,206 you must be able to identify it. 247 00:10:06,862 --> 00:10:08,724 - That one. - Correct. Okay, great. 248 00:10:08,827 --> 00:10:10,551 You'll marry my daughter tomorrow. -Great. 249 00:10:10,655 --> 00:10:12,103 But shouldn't I meet her first? 250 00:10:12,206 --> 00:10:14,758 I mean, she has no say in whether or not she gets married. 251 00:10:14,862 --> 00:10:16,413 That's entirely up to the two of us. 252 00:10:16,517 --> 00:10:18,862 But sure, you can meet her if you want, simp. 253 00:10:18,965 --> 00:10:20,137 - What was that? - Oh, nothing, nothing. 254 00:10:20,241 --> 00:10:22,137 Splendid idea. Whatever you want. 255 00:10:24,655 --> 00:10:26,379 I can't believe this place is real. 256 00:10:26,482 --> 00:10:28,275 Well, there have been rumors of a land like this. 257 00:10:28,379 --> 00:10:30,137 But then again, there are rumors that 258 00:10:30,241 --> 00:10:32,482 I got fillers in my earlobes to make them look taut and shapely. 259 00:10:32,586 --> 00:10:34,793 And that's obviously not true. Sheriff Sludgely, 260 00:10:34,896 --> 00:10:37,482 I'm begging you. I've already paid my taxes. 261 00:10:37,586 --> 00:10:38,758 What more could you want? 262 00:10:38,862 --> 00:10:40,931 The princess is getting married tomorrow, 263 00:10:41,034 --> 00:10:43,793 so the king has instituted a wedding tax to pay for it. 264 00:10:43,896 --> 00:10:46,551 And now there's a surcharge on top of that 265 00:10:46,655 --> 00:10:48,482 for mouthing off to me. 266 00:10:49,206 --> 00:10:52,379 - There we go. - I hope you're happy. 267 00:10:52,482 --> 00:10:54,172 I won't be able to feed my kids. 268 00:10:54,275 --> 00:10:58,931 Lucky for them, thin is in. 269 00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:00,655 - This is terrible. - Yeah, it reminds me of 270 00:11:00,758 --> 00:11:03,137 - my poverty-stricken childhood. - I didn't know that about you. 271 00:11:03,241 --> 00:11:05,413 I assumed you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth. 272 00:11:05,517 --> 00:11:06,931 No, no. In fact, when I was born, 273 00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,482 my mouth was completely empty. 274 00:11:16,965 --> 00:11:18,482 I believe these are yours, milady. 275 00:11:18,586 --> 00:11:20,000 Thank you, kind stranger. 276 00:11:20,103 --> 00:11:22,310 I'll think of you tonight as I beat off. 277 00:11:22,413 --> 00:11:23,724 Right. 278 00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:27,448 - I may have underestimated you. - Perhaps so. 279 00:11:27,551 --> 00:11:30,068 I figured a good deed could help lead us closer to the Grail. 280 00:11:30,172 --> 00:11:32,586 You see, I'm always thinking two steps ahead. -Wow. 281 00:11:32,689 --> 00:11:34,448 And sometimes it's three. 282 00:11:34,551 --> 00:11:35,965 The fuck! 283 00:11:36,068 --> 00:11:37,862 All right, Fleety. I don't feel great 284 00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,482 about marrying someone just to get the Grail. 285 00:11:39,586 --> 00:11:42,000 So here's the plan. I'll make the princess hate me 286 00:11:42,103 --> 00:11:43,931 so that she'll be glad to be rid of me. 287 00:11:44,034 --> 00:11:46,413 - No harm, no foul. - Lord Digman. 288 00:11:46,517 --> 00:11:48,000 This is my daughter, Gasolina. 289 00:11:48,103 --> 00:11:51,241 I wish I could stay, but I must oversee an execution. 290 00:11:53,310 --> 00:11:56,965 So, you're the big shot who wants to marry me, huh? 291 00:11:57,068 --> 00:11:58,379 That's right, and just so you know, 292 00:11:58,482 --> 00:12:00,275 I think a woman's place is in the kitchen. 293 00:12:00,379 --> 00:12:02,551 Really? Wow, that's so... 294 00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:04,034 - progressive. - What? 295 00:12:04,137 --> 00:12:05,862 Women aren't allowed to cook meals in Puffland. 296 00:12:05,965 --> 00:12:07,620 I've never met such an open-minded man. 297 00:12:07,724 --> 00:12:10,413 Uh, I-I should also tell you that I think the homeless 298 00:12:10,517 --> 00:12:12,827 - should be thrown in jail. - Instead of incinerated? 299 00:12:12,931 --> 00:12:14,689 Oh, you compassionate hunk. 300 00:12:14,793 --> 00:12:15,931 All right. Didn't know that. 301 00:12:16,034 --> 00:12:17,689 Man, Puffland's pretty fucked-up. 302 00:12:17,793 --> 00:12:19,344 - Uh, I'm unemployed. - You better be. 303 00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:21,586 Being my husband is a full-time job. 304 00:12:21,689 --> 00:12:22,862 I lie a lot. 305 00:12:22,965 --> 00:12:24,724 So do I. On my bed, on my couch. 306 00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,965 - We are the same. - I hate kissing. 307 00:12:27,068 --> 00:12:28,724 Me, too. Just get to the good stuff already. 308 00:12:28,827 --> 00:12:30,241 I'm riddled with disease. 309 00:12:30,344 --> 00:12:32,448 The better to boost my immunity with, my sweet. 310 00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:33,827 I think the Earth is flat. 311 00:12:33,931 --> 00:12:36,517 Despite mounting evidence to the contrary? 312 00:12:36,620 --> 00:12:38,172 Oh, I love your confidence. 313 00:12:38,275 --> 00:12:40,275 Man, this is all backfiring. Better kick it up a notch. 314 00:12:40,379 --> 00:12:42,620 Okay, well, I'm gonna go roll around 315 00:12:42,724 --> 00:12:44,448 in that manure over there. 316 00:12:44,551 --> 00:12:45,896 My king. 317 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,344 Everyone else shames me for that. 318 00:12:47,448 --> 00:12:49,931 Rip Digman, I absolutely love you, 319 00:12:50,034 --> 00:12:51,896 and I can't wait till we're married. 320 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:55,413 Aw, why must I be the perfect man?! 321 00:12:59,206 --> 00:13:00,172 Guess what I just overheard at the bar. 322 00:13:00,275 --> 00:13:01,586 Someone's drink order? 323 00:13:01,689 --> 00:13:02,931 No, the royal wedding tomorrow. 324 00:13:03,034 --> 00:13:05,413 It's between the princess and Lord Rip Digman. 325 00:13:05,517 --> 00:13:07,931 But the only dating Rip is interested in is carbon dating. 326 00:13:08,034 --> 00:13:10,172 I'm sure it's just a ruse to get to the Grail. 327 00:13:10,275 --> 00:13:12,137 But let's not worry about that now. Cheers. 328 00:13:12,241 --> 00:13:13,793 You know, Zane, maybe I've got you wrong. 329 00:13:13,896 --> 00:13:15,275 It's just that I've seen you act like-- 330 00:13:15,379 --> 00:13:16,310 pardon my French-- 331 00:13:16,413 --> 00:13:18,206 kind of a dick. 332 00:13:18,310 --> 00:13:20,724 Your French is pardoned. 333 00:13:20,827 --> 00:13:22,862 Attention, fellow Puffs. 334 00:13:22,965 --> 00:13:24,724 Whosoever in here knows the identity of 335 00:13:24,827 --> 00:13:27,206 the wicked rogue who robbed me of my coins 336 00:13:27,310 --> 00:13:29,931 shall receive a tidy reward. 337 00:13:30,034 --> 00:13:31,517 These pricks again? 338 00:13:31,620 --> 00:13:33,517 I believe I can help you with that. She's the thief. 339 00:13:33,620 --> 00:13:36,000 I saw her knock you out and steal all your gold. 340 00:13:36,103 --> 00:13:37,241 Check her belongings. 341 00:13:37,344 --> 00:13:38,137 Zane! 342 00:13:38,241 --> 00:13:40,758 - No! - Arrest her. 343 00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:42,413 Hey! 344 00:13:42,517 --> 00:13:43,586 But I, but I... 345 00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:45,965 And now you dare call me "butt eye"? 346 00:13:46,068 --> 00:13:48,896 Throw her in the dungeon. Oh! 347 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,448 Thank you, good citizen. 348 00:13:50,551 --> 00:13:52,379 You know, we could use more honorable men like you 349 00:13:52,482 --> 00:13:54,344 to serve as guards at the royal wedding tomorrow. 350 00:13:54,448 --> 00:13:56,724 - Interested? - Oh, very much so. 351 00:13:56,827 --> 00:13:58,000 Zane, how could you? 352 00:13:58,103 --> 00:13:59,310 I thought you were misunderstood, 353 00:13:59,413 --> 00:14:02,137 but I was wrong. You were stood. Hmm. 354 00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:06,896 I've never been this happy. 355 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,965 Oh, Rip, promise you'll never leave me. 356 00:14:09,068 --> 00:14:10,413 Uh, of course I won't. 357 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:11,896 That's good, because if you do, 358 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,655 I'll be sent to the Misery Zone. 359 00:14:13,758 --> 00:14:14,931 What's that now? 360 00:14:15,034 --> 00:14:16,344 That's the law of Puffland, silly. 361 00:14:16,448 --> 00:14:17,758 Any woman whose husband leaves her 362 00:14:17,862 --> 00:14:19,206 is banished to the Misery Zone, 363 00:14:19,310 --> 00:14:21,137 where she will endure a lifetime of torment. 364 00:14:21,241 --> 00:14:22,896 - Oh, fuck me. - I will! 365 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,586 Tomorrow, after the wedding. 366 00:14:28,310 --> 00:14:29,793 Stupid Grail, making me compromise my many morals. 367 00:14:29,896 --> 00:14:31,000 Fleety, get back here! 368 00:14:31,103 --> 00:14:33,068 Stupid Zane, tricking me into thinking 369 00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:34,931 he's a good guy. Fleety? 370 00:14:35,034 --> 00:14:38,103 - Saltine? -Rip? - And me. 371 00:14:39,344 --> 00:14:43,034 - Sorry, who are you? - I'm Snerdley Toothbottom. 372 00:14:43,137 --> 00:14:45,137 - Oh. - So, what's the move? 373 00:14:45,241 --> 00:14:48,034 - What are we thinking? - Um, we don't know you. 374 00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:50,413 Fine. I'll just roll away. 375 00:14:50,517 --> 00:14:52,310 Come here, yummy feet. 376 00:14:53,655 --> 00:14:56,068 So, you need to figure out how to get out of the marriage 377 00:14:56,172 --> 00:14:58,000 without endangering Gasolina but also get the Grail? 378 00:14:58,103 --> 00:14:59,827 Yeah, but it seems hopeless. 379 00:14:59,931 --> 00:15:01,827 Not so fast. There's always hope 380 00:15:01,931 --> 00:15:03,103 when there's a library. 381 00:15:03,206 --> 00:15:05,482 Well, I agree with that! 382 00:15:05,586 --> 00:15:07,137 It's so unfair. 383 00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:09,103 For years, I've pined after Gasolina, 384 00:15:09,206 --> 00:15:11,551 but the king has rebuffed my every advance 385 00:15:11,655 --> 00:15:15,172 because I'm not royalty and because I'm completely sleazy. 386 00:15:15,275 --> 00:15:17,931 And now this Rip Digman shows up out of nowhere 387 00:15:18,034 --> 00:15:20,034 and he's fit to wed the princess? 388 00:15:20,137 --> 00:15:21,758 There's no way he'll lock her in 389 00:15:21,862 --> 00:15:24,379 as nice a chamber as I would. 390 00:15:24,482 --> 00:15:26,482 Pardon me, sir, but one thing I've learned is that 391 00:15:26,586 --> 00:15:28,586 if there's something you want in this world, 392 00:15:28,689 --> 00:15:31,586 you have to fight for it, perhaps even kill for it. 393 00:15:31,689 --> 00:15:34,344 I knew I liked you, and not just because of 394 00:15:34,448 --> 00:15:36,103 your taut, shapely earlobes. 395 00:15:36,206 --> 00:15:39,034 Yes. Perhaps it's time the king learns 396 00:15:39,137 --> 00:15:41,931 what I'm truly capable of. 397 00:15:45,586 --> 00:15:47,137 - Whoa! - Where can I find books about 398 00:15:47,241 --> 00:15:48,206 the history and laws of Puffland? 399 00:15:48,310 --> 00:15:50,758 My dear, you're looking at it. 400 00:15:50,862 --> 00:15:51,793 Wow. 401 00:15:51,896 --> 00:15:53,689 Looks like I need to put on 402 00:15:53,793 --> 00:15:55,793 my library visor. 403 00:15:57,793 --> 00:15:59,862 According to The Altostratusilmarillion, 404 00:15:59,965 --> 00:16:02,413 Rain Graysky usurped the throne from Altitudinus Cloud 405 00:16:02,517 --> 00:16:04,620 When Winona Non Strata joined Seamus O'Zone's clan. 406 00:16:04,724 --> 00:16:06,000 Whee! 407 00:16:06,103 --> 00:16:07,862 - So there are ten kingdoms? - Exactly. 408 00:16:07,965 --> 00:16:10,655 But inside the tenth kingdom is an 11th kingdom. 409 00:16:10,758 --> 00:16:12,482 And Lord Breezy was known across the land 410 00:16:12,586 --> 00:16:14,206 for his wonderful playing of the Puffle flute... 411 00:16:14,310 --> 00:16:15,965 The fog fee occurs every nine clouds 412 00:16:16,068 --> 00:16:18,413 unless the ninth cloud appears in the shape of a bigger cloud. 413 00:16:18,517 --> 00:16:20,862 So, when every last Pufff was slain, 414 00:16:20,965 --> 00:16:22,310 the Puffs took over the land. 415 00:16:22,413 --> 00:16:24,034 But I thought the Puffs were all killed. 416 00:16:24,137 --> 00:16:27,068 No, the Puffs with three Fs were killed. 417 00:16:27,172 --> 00:16:29,344 The Puffs with two Fs still reign supreme. 418 00:16:29,448 --> 00:16:31,241 Now, as for the Puffffs... 419 00:16:31,344 --> 00:16:33,310 This is so much to take in. 420 00:16:33,413 --> 00:16:34,862 You should see the main library. 421 00:16:34,965 --> 00:16:37,310 - This isn't the main library? - Oh, no, no, no, no. 422 00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,517 This library only covers the last five years 423 00:16:39,620 --> 00:16:40,482 of Puffland history. 424 00:16:40,586 --> 00:16:41,655 Or no, not years. 425 00:16:41,758 --> 00:16:42,965 What do you call them? Months. 426 00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:44,482 Ugh, that is what I call them. 427 00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:46,172 Yeah, even I get confused at times, 428 00:16:46,275 --> 00:16:47,827 and I know more than anyone. 429 00:16:47,931 --> 00:16:49,275 Well, let's keep going. 430 00:16:49,379 --> 00:16:50,965 So, the Mistborn clan-- or as they're known 431 00:16:51,068 --> 00:16:53,241 in the West on even-numbered days... 432 00:16:53,344 --> 00:16:54,689 That's it! 433 00:16:54,793 --> 00:16:57,241 In keeping with Puffland tradition, 434 00:16:57,344 --> 00:16:58,793 let's cut to the chase. 435 00:16:58,896 --> 00:17:00,482 Do you, Gasolina, take Lord Rip Digman of Cumulus 436 00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:02,517 - to be your husband? - I do. Ooh! 437 00:17:02,620 --> 00:17:05,379 And do you take Princess Gasolina to be your wife? 438 00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:08,137 Oh, what an interesting question. 439 00:17:08,241 --> 00:17:10,068 Stop the wedding! 440 00:17:10,172 --> 00:17:11,586 What is the meaning of this? 441 00:17:11,689 --> 00:17:13,724 You two can't be married because Rip is a lord of Cumulus 442 00:17:13,827 --> 00:17:15,103 and, as such, cannot be wed 443 00:17:15,206 --> 00:17:16,551 to a Puffland princess until he's kept the Grail 444 00:17:16,655 --> 00:17:18,034 in his grasp for three storm cycles. 445 00:17:18,137 --> 00:17:19,655 So you must give him the Grail, 446 00:17:19,758 --> 00:17:21,862 and Gasolina has to be named Queen Ruler in his leave. 447 00:17:21,965 --> 00:17:23,758 - Says who? - The Book of Nimbulomos. 448 00:17:23,862 --> 00:17:25,068 It's because Gasolina was born 449 00:17:25,172 --> 00:17:26,620 under the cloud sign of Condensation 450 00:17:26,724 --> 00:17:28,758 - during the ninth vapor moon. - By the Puffs above! 451 00:17:28,862 --> 00:17:29,965 Great work, Saltine. 452 00:17:30,068 --> 00:17:31,379 How'd you learn all this so fast? 453 00:17:31,482 --> 00:17:33,482 I didn't. Their history is so convoluted, 454 00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,034 I realized nobody would know the difference 455 00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:36,206 if I just made up a bunch of bullshit. 456 00:17:36,310 --> 00:17:38,344 - That's so smart. - Very well. 457 00:17:38,448 --> 00:17:39,655 I've always considered myself a textualist, 458 00:17:39,758 --> 00:17:41,206 so I will obey the letter of the law. 459 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,586 Lord Digman, you may take the Grail, 460 00:17:43,689 --> 00:17:45,931 and I shall give my crown to my daughter. 461 00:17:46,034 --> 00:17:48,344 I hope it's not too late to object. 462 00:17:48,448 --> 00:17:49,482 It actually is. 463 00:17:49,586 --> 00:17:50,896 Stop right there. 464 00:17:52,275 --> 00:17:54,413 No one is going anywhere 465 00:17:54,517 --> 00:17:57,275 until the princess marries me! 466 00:17:57,379 --> 00:17:59,068 What do you say, Princess? 467 00:17:59,172 --> 00:18:01,482 Excited for me to be your prince? 468 00:18:01,586 --> 00:18:03,586 Actually, she's queen now, so you'll be king. 469 00:18:03,689 --> 00:18:05,206 - Even better. - I'm so glad 470 00:18:05,310 --> 00:18:07,310 I don't have to deal with this shit anymore. 471 00:18:11,137 --> 00:18:12,448 - Rip, do something. - Well, this is a pickle, 472 00:18:12,551 --> 00:18:13,931 to be sure. And I would love to help out, 473 00:18:14,034 --> 00:18:15,448 but I have lower back issues, 474 00:18:15,551 --> 00:18:17,827 so I'm just gonna snag this Grail and head out. 475 00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:20,068 Me thinks not. 476 00:18:20,172 --> 00:18:21,793 Oh, no! Damn it! Not the Grail! 477 00:18:21,896 --> 00:18:24,965 Wait. You're more upset about the Grail than me? 478 00:18:25,068 --> 00:18:27,000 Did you never really love me? 479 00:18:27,103 --> 00:18:29,103 Alas, 'tis true, sweet Gasolina. 480 00:18:29,206 --> 00:18:30,310 I never caught feelings. 481 00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:32,103 So the man I love doesn't love me, 482 00:18:32,206 --> 00:18:33,965 and a man I hate is forcing me to marry him? 483 00:18:34,068 --> 00:18:36,241 This feels like the perfect plot for a TV show, 484 00:18:36,344 --> 00:18:38,206 but sadly, it is just my life. 485 00:18:38,310 --> 00:18:39,965 But it need not be. 486 00:18:40,068 --> 00:18:42,206 You tall twit. What is this? 487 00:18:42,310 --> 00:18:43,827 A surprise twist. 488 00:18:45,172 --> 00:18:46,379 Puffs alive! 489 00:18:46,482 --> 00:18:48,103 Your Majesty, I've been undercover, 490 00:18:48,206 --> 00:18:50,206 trying to foil Sludgely's vile plan. 491 00:18:50,310 --> 00:18:53,034 Not because I want the Grail like this Rip jerk over there, 492 00:18:53,137 --> 00:18:54,172 but because I love you, my queen. 493 00:18:54,275 --> 00:18:55,448 Though I know we cannot marry 494 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:56,758 because I lack the nobility. 495 00:18:56,862 --> 00:18:58,137 No, no, no, I'm the queen. 496 00:18:58,241 --> 00:19:00,551 I can choose who I marry, and I choose you. 497 00:19:00,655 --> 00:19:02,724 And you can keep that Grail, too, you big old hunk. 498 00:19:02,827 --> 00:19:05,448 - What? No! - Three steps ahead. 499 00:19:05,551 --> 00:19:07,000 Continuing our around-the-clock coverage, 500 00:19:07,103 --> 00:19:08,896 Zane Troy has found the Holy Grail 501 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,551 and a brand-new bride. 502 00:19:10,655 --> 00:19:12,758 He's married Queen Gasolina of the Puff People, 503 00:19:12,862 --> 00:19:14,551 which, yes, sounds weird to us, too. 504 00:19:14,655 --> 00:19:16,172 Sorry we brought Zane to Puffland, Rip. 505 00:19:16,275 --> 00:19:17,758 I guess he wouldn't have snatched the Grail 506 00:19:17,862 --> 00:19:19,827 - if it weren't for us. - Go ahead and clock me, boss. 507 00:19:19,931 --> 00:19:21,586 I deserve it. Just fucking clock me. 508 00:19:21,689 --> 00:19:23,482 No, you guys only brought Zane 509 00:19:23,586 --> 00:19:25,103 because I ran off, and you were worried. 510 00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:26,586 I have but myself to blame. 511 00:19:26,689 --> 00:19:27,965 Yeah, why didn't you include us? 512 00:19:28,068 --> 00:19:30,586 TBH, I was afraid you'd think ill of me 513 00:19:30,689 --> 00:19:32,586 if you knew I truly wanted the Grail. 514 00:19:32,689 --> 00:19:34,965 Rip, you're a friend. There's nothing you can say 515 00:19:35,068 --> 00:19:36,517 that would make us think any less of you. 516 00:19:36,620 --> 00:19:38,103 Yeah, we're here for you. 517 00:19:38,206 --> 00:19:41,310 - Exactly. - Oh, well, in that case. 518 00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:44,379 Follow me. 519 00:19:44,482 --> 00:19:47,931 Your secret chamber is actually a secret chamber? 520 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,758 And now it's time I tell you all the truth. 521 00:19:54,931 --> 00:19:56,310 Oh, my God! - Good gravy! 522 00:19:56,413 --> 00:19:59,275 I've been keeping Bella's frozen corpse 523 00:19:59,379 --> 00:20:01,896 down here in my secret chamber. Whew. 524 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,724 Wow. I'm glad that's out in the open now. 525 00:20:04,827 --> 00:20:06,517 Anyway, uh, what should we get for lunch? 526 00:20:06,620 --> 00:20:07,758 I'm thinking family-style chili. 527 00:20:07,862 --> 00:20:09,448 Hey, w-what are you guys looking at? 528 00:20:09,551 --> 00:20:11,379 Oh, my goggles, that's why you want the Grail, 529 00:20:11,482 --> 00:20:12,793 to bring Bella back to life, 530 00:20:12,896 --> 00:20:14,758 even though that would break the arky code. 531 00:20:14,862 --> 00:20:16,965 You lied to me. Zane was right. 532 00:20:17,068 --> 00:20:19,206 You are as deceptive as an Eastern gray squirrel. 533 00:20:19,310 --> 00:20:21,379 Let me guess, he pronounced it "square-l"? 534 00:20:21,482 --> 00:20:23,068 The guy's a freakazoid. 535 00:20:23,172 --> 00:20:24,793 I'm sorry, Rip, but I quit. 536 00:20:24,896 --> 00:20:27,379 - Goodbye forever. - Saltine, please, no! 537 00:20:27,482 --> 00:20:29,793 Wait. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out! 538 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,310 Ow! My ass! 539 00:20:31,413 --> 00:20:32,482 Well, I tried to warn you! 540 00:20:32,586 --> 00:20:34,206 It's a very swingy door. 541 00:20:34,310 --> 00:20:35,586 But I will point out you did quit, 542 00:20:35,689 --> 00:20:36,862 so you're not eligible for workers' comp. 543 00:20:36,965 --> 00:20:38,034 You guys heard, right? 544 00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:40,551 This couldn't get any worse! 545 00:20:47,758 --> 00:20:50,793 - Looks like your plan worked. - Yes. 546 00:20:51,793 --> 00:20:54,482 Despite the best efforts of those foolish royals, 547 00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:57,413 we're finally free of that accursed Grail. 548 00:20:57,517 --> 00:20:59,206 What are you guys talking about? 549 00:20:59,310 --> 00:21:01,586 Nothing, Snerdley Toothbottom! 550 00:21:27,689 --> 00:21:28,827 Chirp.