1 00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:09,110 RIP DIGMAN: Mount Quiquaran. 2 00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:12,113 One of history's most lethal supervolcanos. 3 00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:14,815 In 200 BC, a series of deadly eruptions 4 00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:16,817 had decimated the local tribe. 5 00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:20,521 So the elders turned to the great artisan Tiliktakorkatan, 6 00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:23,424 who sculpted an offering to the gods... 7 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:26,060 the Molten Idol. 8 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,361 - It's beautiful. - And yet... 9 00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,597 not so beautiful as you, love of my life, 10 00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:31,465 keeper and tender-to of my loins. 11 00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:32,933 I thought it'd be more impressive. 12 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,769 Because you have no appreciation for true beauty, Zane! 13 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,871 You know, legend has it that removing the idol 14 00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,573 will cause Quiquaran to erupt. 15 00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:42,576 'Tis true. But as we all know, legends... 16 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:45,446 are rarely... real. 17 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,215 Oh, fuck, I don't want to die! 18 00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:48,682 Get the fuck out of the way! 19 00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:49,783 I guess that legend was real. 20 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,319 Shut the fuck up, Zane. 21 00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:52,820 Swooper, get us out of here! 22 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,188 No can do, boss. 23 00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:56,090 That volcano's hotter than Andy Capp's wife 24 00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:57,825 when he's been out at the pub all night. 25 00:00:57,925 --> 00:00:59,593 Meet me on the other side of the jungle. 26 00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:01,662 But that jungle's filled with... 27 00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,131 Corpus floraria. 28 00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:04,432 - The death flower. - The death flower. 29 00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:06,634 Jesus, Zane, don't interrupt me. 30 00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:08,836 - [screeching] - [Rip laughing] 31 00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:10,738 That bird got bonked. Uh-oh. 32 00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:12,640 Looks like the natives are restless. 33 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:13,907 Hello, I'm an attorney 34 00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:15,543 representing the Mondonesian tribe. 35 00:01:15,643 --> 00:01:17,645 We respectfully ask that you don't steal the Molten Idol 36 00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,147 as it's a culturally sig... 37 00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:20,448 We're off the hook! 38 00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:21,849 And we'll never have to think about the questions 39 00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:22,950 they were raising or ponder the ethics 40 00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:23,951 of what we're doing ever again. 41 00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:25,553 Power slide! 42 00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:28,189 Everybody lay a patch or we'll be riding the pale horse. 43 00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:29,657 Nobody understands your old-timey lingo. 44 00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:30,991 That's horsefeathers! 45 00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:33,161 [screams] 46 00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:34,628 Bella! Whip! 47 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:35,929 Don't panic, the death flower's poison 48 00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:37,631 takes 30 minutes to set in. 49 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:39,600 There's a hospital with the antidote ten minutes from here. 50 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:42,303 Thank God. I wouldn't be able to live without you. 51 00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:43,537 I can't die yet, babe. 52 00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:44,772 I still haven't seen The Artist. 53 00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:46,507 Oh, man, it looks so good. 54 00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:49,677 I can't imagine a better movie will come out in 2011. 55 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,512 The current year? Yeah. I agree. 56 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:52,613 - [gun cocks] - ZANE: All right. 57 00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:54,448 - Enough 2011 talk. - Zane. 58 00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:55,516 What the hell are you doing? 59 00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,185 Oh, I'm taking the idol. 60 00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:59,720 It'll be my first acquisition as the new head arky of The Met. 61 00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:01,655 But we work for the Smithsonian. 62 00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:02,990 Not anymore, Rippy. 63 00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:04,892 I'm sick of you treating me like shit. 64 00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:07,295 What? You're the best inferior I've ever had. 65 00:02:07,395 --> 00:02:08,562 I always tell you that! 66 00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,431 Consider this my resignation. 67 00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:11,765 Fuck that, you're fired. 68 00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:13,767 Fine. Have fun paying my unemployment. 69 00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:16,204 No, no, no, you quit, everyone heard it. 70 00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:19,207 Follow that speedboat. 71 00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:20,608 You sure? You don't look so good. 72 00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:21,675 The important thing is the idol. 73 00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:22,610 We have enough time to grab it 74 00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:23,944 and get to the hospital. 75 00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:27,781 Whip! Swooper, I'm out of whip range. 76 00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,750 We got to get closer. Whip! Whip! 77 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,553 [grunts] Almost got him. 78 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,755 [bird screeches] 79 00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:40,060 [laughs] 80 00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:41,562 [gasps] 81 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,497 Oh, I can't see anything. 82 00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:44,665 Did you get the idol? 83 00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,467 Yeah, I got it, babe. 84 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:47,635 [coughs] 85 00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:48,736 I'm dying, Rip. 86 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,304 Goodbye, my love. 87 00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:52,440 Tender-to of my loins. 88 00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:54,542 No, I will not let you die. 89 00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:57,745 I will not let you die! 90 00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:59,046 It's been 12 years since Rip Digman 91 00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:00,748 let his wife Bella die, 92 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,750 and in that time Rip's former assistant Zane Troy 93 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:05,553 has gone on to become the greatest arky in the world 94 00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:07,755 while Rip, who was fired by the Smithsonian, 95 00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,257 is now a has-been, a nobody, 96 00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:11,259 a real "Where are they now?" situation. 97 00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:13,594 I'm sorry to keep going on, my producer's telling me 98 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,529 we're running short and I need to stretch. 99 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,631 You have to wonder what Rip is even up to these days. 100 00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:21,302 I mean, my guess, he's just sitting at home, jacking off. 101 00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:22,570 Yes, jacking off. 102 00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:24,137 And then crying because he feels 103 00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:25,906 like he's somehow cheating on his dead wife, 104 00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:27,775 whose death he was responsible for. 105 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,277 And then jizzing. 106 00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:30,978 You know, one of those lame halfway ones 107 00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:32,480 where you're somehow out of rhythm with yourself. 108 00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:33,947 I don't know, maybe I'm projecting now. 109 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,883 Either way, the guy's a loser. 110 00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:43,156 RIP: Morning, Agatha. 111 00:03:43,291 --> 00:03:45,125 Any museums call for an arky? 112 00:03:45,293 --> 00:03:47,795 No museum has called in ten years, Rip. 113 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:50,498 Well, excuse me for being hopeful! 114 00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:51,965 There's no need to yell. 115 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,101 You're right. My many apologies. 116 00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:55,503 You're just lonely. 117 00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:57,137 You should start dating again. 118 00:03:57,305 --> 00:03:59,807 Thanks, Agatha, but the only dating I'm interested in... 119 00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:02,142 is carbon dating. 120 00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:06,880 [Rip humming] 121 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:09,016 I cleaned your jeep, Rip. 122 00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:10,684 Man, there sure were a lot of tear stains 123 00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,720 on the steering wheel. 124 00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:15,188 You must've been crying a lot. 125 00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:17,325 [chuckles] Yeah, thanks, Swooper. 126 00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:19,693 If anybody needs me, I'll be in my secret chamber. 127 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,629 You mean you're going into your private bathroom 128 00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,364 for your morning dump. 129 00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:24,197 No. 130 00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:26,099 The Holy Grail. 131 00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:28,802 The term people use to describe the coolest thing 132 00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:30,070 in every other profession 133 00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,372 is that thing in archaeology. 134 00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,407 - Ooh, ooh. - Yes, Saltine? 135 00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:35,343 Have you ever tried to find the Holy Grail? 136 00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:38,346 Well, every shovel bum worth their salt has given it a shot. 137 00:04:38,446 --> 00:04:40,814 But its location is archaeology's greatest mystery. 138 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:44,184 They say that just one sip from it can heal any ailment. 139 00:04:44,352 --> 00:04:46,119 So, if someone in the class found it, 140 00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:47,355 would we get extra credit? 141 00:04:47,455 --> 00:04:49,957 - [chuckles] Yeah, sure. - Great. 142 00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:51,759 No need to invite me to any parties 143 00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:53,527 this weekend, classmates. 144 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:54,928 I've got plans. 145 00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:56,163 Eat a pile of shit, nerd. 146 00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:58,131 I'd rather sift through said shit 147 00:04:58,231 --> 00:04:59,633 to discover secrets of the past. 148 00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:01,869 Wow, you're awfully cheery, aren't you? 149 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:02,970 Why wouldn't I be? 150 00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:04,372 I'm studying to be an arky, 151 00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:05,873 the greatest job in the world. 152 00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:06,874 Don't you ever miss it? 153 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:08,008 Of course I miss it. 154 00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:09,377 The glory. The fame. 155 00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:10,944 I yearn for it still. 156 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,480 Much like the wolf whelp yearns 157 00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:14,848 for its mother's tough yet glossy teat. 158 00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:16,384 But now I've been reduced 159 00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:18,085 to the most degrading job there is. 160 00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:19,587 Teaching. 161 00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:21,288 STUDENT: Then maybe you shouldn't have killed your wife. 162 00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:23,557 I didn't kill my wife! A bird did! -[laughter] 163 00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:26,694 [gulps, sighs] 164 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:29,463 Another RumChata. Neat. 165 00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:32,933 Professor, over here. It's me, the student you hate. 166 00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:34,668 Oh, man. What are you doing here? 167 00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:36,937 Okay, I was thinking about how sad you were in class, 168 00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:38,406 so I started digging around, 169 00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:40,073 and I know how you can become an arky again. 170 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,108 Quail Eegan. 171 00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:42,476 The long-haired billionaire? 172 00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,211 The very same. He's building a new museum 173 00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:45,679 and he needs a head arky, 174 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,548 so he's holding a big competition to find one. 175 00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:49,116 The whole thing kicks off tonight. 176 00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:50,418 You. Should. Go. 177 00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:52,753 Huh, an intriguing proposition. 178 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,623 Right? And you can bring me as your assistant arky. 179 00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:56,924 Ha! No dice. 180 00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,959 Rip Digman rolls solo. 181 00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:00,928 But the arky union says you have to have an assistant. 182 00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:04,432 Ugh. Stupid union coming up with stupid rules so I don't die. 183 00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:05,866 But I'm still not going to hire you. 184 00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,000 We don't even know each other. 185 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,436 I mean, I don't even know... 186 00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:11,572 ♪ If you like jazz ♪ 187 00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:13,674 I really don't. But I've wanted to be 188 00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:14,975 - an arky all my life. - Okay. 189 00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:16,309 - I'm an amateur inventor. - Okay. 190 00:06:16,444 --> 00:06:17,711 - I love Latin. - Go on. 191 00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,513 Or should I say "Amo linguam Latinam"? 192 00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:20,581 - [laughs] - Oh, yeah, I don't get it. 193 00:06:20,681 --> 00:06:22,082 Oh, and my parents disowned me 194 00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,216 because they hate archaeology. 195 00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,953 ♪ A de facto orphan. ♪ 196 00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,521 You spin a good yarn, kid, 197 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:30,090 but I'm still not sure we connect on a cosmic level, 198 00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:31,324 at the base of the neural queue. 199 00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:32,526 Avatar ref. 200 00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:34,094 The event starts in 15 minutes 201 00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:35,295 and you have to have an assistant. 202 00:06:35,463 --> 00:06:36,630 You're hired. 203 00:06:37,465 --> 00:06:39,800 Whoa. Every arky in the world is here. 204 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:43,604 Felix Cadbury, Kate Kwan, Indiana Jones. 205 00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:44,505 And Zane Troy. 206 00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:45,873 - Wow. - RIP: Ugh. 207 00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:47,775 - Come on. - Sorry. I know he betrayed you, 208 00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:49,843 but he's like the most famous person on Earth. 209 00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:51,479 Oh, fuck, don't look. Don't look. 210 00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:53,914 Rip Digman. I guess the rumors were true. 211 00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,015 You have gotten fatter. 212 00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:56,349 What are you doing here, Zane? 213 00:06:56,484 --> 00:06:57,785 The Met not paying you enough? 214 00:06:57,885 --> 00:06:59,052 I'm a businessman, Rip. 215 00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:00,488 I have to keep my options open. 216 00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:02,490 Besides, loyalty's overrated. 217 00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:03,957 Well, yeah, I agree with that. 218 00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:05,493 Wait, that was a reference to how you betrayed me. 219 00:07:05,493 --> 00:07:07,327 Saltine, punch this guy in the nuts. -What? 220 00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:08,662 Forget it. You blinked. It's over. 221 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,230 - Sorry. - You know, Rippy, 222 00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:11,999 we always did do great work together. 223 00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,501 If you'd be interested in becoming partners 224 00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:15,235 with a 50-50 split, give me a call. 225 00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:16,303 Wait, really? 226 00:07:16,403 --> 00:07:18,305 Oh, son of a bitch! 227 00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:19,673 I'll just put it in this pocket, though. 228 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,909 No, don't keep it, Rip. It's an insult. 229 00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:23,110 You must be new. 230 00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:24,512 Rip can't throw anything away. 231 00:07:24,612 --> 00:07:26,680 He's less of an arky and more of a hoarder. 232 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,282 - That's never been diagnosed! - [laughter] 233 00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:32,252 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome 234 00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:36,223 Quail Eegan! 235 00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:37,390 Showmanship. 236 00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:39,226 Now, as you all know, 237 00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:40,528 I'm the best at everything. 238 00:07:40,528 --> 00:07:41,895 I've created the best electric car, 239 00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:45,265 the best rockets, and the best hologram of myself. 240 00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:46,834 [gasping] 241 00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:49,703 [laughing] But now I have my sights set even higher. 242 00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,204 The Eegan. 243 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,041 Upon completion, it will be the largest museum in the world. 244 00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,709 The only thing missing is... 245 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:56,977 A Froyo machine. 246 00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,211 ...a collection. 247 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,146 And that's where all you come in. 248 00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:00,380 I'm holding a contest. 249 00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:03,083 Can anyone tell me what this is? 250 00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:06,954 Ha! Too easy. That's Hammurabi's hat. 251 00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,188 Rip Digman. 252 00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:09,623 What a blast from the past. 253 00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:11,725 Oh, the pleasure is mine. [gasps] 254 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:14,327 Nothing personal. I swear. this one is the real me. 255 00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:16,664 - [gunshot] - [screaming] 256 00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:19,132 You won't be rid of me that easily. 257 00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:20,834 - [crowd cheering] - But you're right, Rip. 258 00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,703 4,000 years ago, Hammurabi conquered Mesopotamia. 259 00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:25,172 All while wearing this hat. 260 00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:26,574 But it has never been found. 261 00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:29,009 And I want it as the centerpiece for my new museum. 262 00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:31,478 Whoever brings it to me will be named head arky. 263 00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:33,581 A position that comes with a generous salary 264 00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:34,882 and hella bennies. 265 00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:37,084 Now, let the competition begin! 266 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,385 And begin it shall. 267 00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:39,853 - Put 'er there. [yells] - [thudding] 268 00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,454 Full disclosure: I am in Iceland. 269 00:08:41,589 --> 00:08:42,890 DIRECTOR: And you're clear. 270 00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:44,825 Wow. They couldn't tell you were a hologram? 271 00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:47,595 Yes, and neither could you. 272 00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:48,896 Well, time for bed. 273 00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:52,666 Move to your left, Shelly. 274 00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,868 - [alarm blaring] - [screams] 275 00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,137 [jets whirring] 276 00:08:57,237 --> 00:09:01,074 Aah! My ears are bleeding! 277 00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:02,610 HOWARD TOE: Our top story tonight: 278 00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:03,944 Arkies across the globe 279 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:07,180 are competing to head up Quail Eegan's new museum. 280 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,249 Zane Troy is the odds-on favorite to win the job, 281 00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:11,685 while Rip Digman is the favorite to accidentally 282 00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:13,621 stumble off a cliff and die a horrific death. 283 00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:15,823 Here's a sneak peek at his "in memoriam" segment. 284 00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:18,158 [comical music playing] 285 00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:22,095 Ugh, what the hell is that music? 286 00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:23,631 Don't let them play that when I die. 287 00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:24,965 This is so exciting. 288 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,634 I can't believe I'm an assistant arky. 289 00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:29,102 Let's be clear. You're my temporary assistant. 290 00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:30,638 If I get back in the game, I'll have my pick 291 00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:31,772 of the top assistants in the biz. 292 00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,540 [screams] What is that thing? 293 00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:35,943 Saltine, meet Fleety, my fast loris. 294 00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:38,145 I've heard of a slow loris but never a fast one. 295 00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,680 What's the difference? 296 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,281 A raging addiction to methamphetamines. -[snarls] 297 00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:43,250 So, Saltine, you ever heard of Wendell Banks? 298 00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:44,985 He's that arky who went missing a couple years ago. 299 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:48,088 Precisely. Wendell was one of my many male mentors. 300 00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:50,824 And what nobody knows but yo soy is that he actually went missing 301 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,726 while hunting for Hammurabi's hat. 302 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,327 Wendell was a bit of a warrior poet, 303 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,930 always leaving cryptic hints as to where he was going. 304 00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:59,199 In fact, this is the last voice mail he left me. 305 00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:01,334 WENDALL: My dear Rip, I'm off to find Hammurabi's hat 306 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,703 in a land where the sky is as blue as... 307 00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,004 [birds screeching] 308 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,673 I can't make out what he was saying. 309 00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:07,708 His hint was covered by the incessant squawking 310 00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:09,209 - of a meridian warbler. - You're right, Rip. 311 00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:10,844 That squawking was a meridian warbler. 312 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,880 But the balking was an Ecuadorian sea hawk. 313 00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:14,447 My God. You're also right. 314 00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:16,650 The other bird call was fucking tucked under there. 315 00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,018 And there's only one place in the world 316 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:19,787 where their migratory patterns overlap. 317 00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:22,990 Looks like we're headed... to Indonesia. 318 00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:24,391 ♪ ♪ 319 00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:26,159 Yeah, he was here, but he didn't find any hat. 320 00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:28,128 He did steal some ornamental robes, though. 321 00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:29,596 [chuckles] Classic arky move. 322 00:10:29,697 --> 00:10:30,998 Never leave a place empty-handed. 323 00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:32,666 Did he say where he was going? 324 00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:34,968 Yeah, a place where "water falls from on high, 325 00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:36,937 like tears from the angel of sadness." 326 00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:39,439 Looks like we're heading... to Venezuela. 327 00:10:39,539 --> 00:10:40,640 ♪ ♪ 328 00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:42,175 He was here, but he didn't find a hat. 329 00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,377 Stole a bunch of secret ceramics, though. 330 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,046 That's Wendell for you. So cool. 331 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,681 Did he say where he was going? 332 00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:49,482 Something about "where haggling means hello 333 00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:51,685 and Mehmet's merchants mingle"? 334 00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:54,321 Looks like we're heading... to Istanbul. 335 00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:55,322 ♪ ♪ 336 00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:56,623 Yep, he was here 337 00:10:56,724 --> 00:10:58,291 and swiped our Byzantine sarcophagus. 338 00:10:58,391 --> 00:10:59,426 Ha! I love that. 339 00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:00,794 Rip, that's not good behavior. 340 00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:02,162 He said he was hungry, 341 00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:04,064 and I told him there's a Hardee's nearby. 342 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,633 Looks like we're heading... to Hardee's. 343 00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:08,035 - ♪ ♪ - Yeah, he was here. 344 00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:09,770 Asked for a water cup, then filled it with soda. 345 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:10,838 Did he say where he was going? 346 00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:12,105 No, he didn't say the name. 347 00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:14,007 Damn. After all that, a dead end. 348 00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:16,076 But he did say the latitude was 22 degrees, 349 00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,544 46 minutes, 54.8 seconds south. 350 00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:19,612 And the longitude was 81 degrees, 45 minutes, 351 00:11:19,747 --> 00:11:20,981 43.2 seconds east. Does that help? 352 00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:22,783 No, that doesn't. Oh, no, wait, it does! 353 00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:24,852 ♪ ♪ 354 00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:26,086 Rip, I'd like to show you 355 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,755 the first of what I like to call 356 00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:29,757 Saltine's Cool Inventions. 357 00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:31,458 Wow. Great name. 358 00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:34,527 Voilà. It's a mirror that, when a cat looks into it, 359 00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:36,096 it reflects the image of a lion. 360 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,898 I based it on a poster I had in my bedroom growing up 361 00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:39,199 that had the caption, 362 00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:40,901 "What matters most is how you see yourself." 363 00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:42,369 So it reads your brainwaves 364 00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,137 and shows you a reflection of your inner self? 365 00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:45,939 Not at all. It can just tell when a cat 366 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,341 is looking at it and then it reflects the image of a lion. 367 00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:50,377 Good night, Saltine. 368 00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:51,779 Ah! No! 369 00:11:51,779 --> 00:11:54,281 ♪ ♪ 370 00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,917 Have fun. I'll be here with the plane. 371 00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:59,853 These mountain walls must block all radio waves 372 00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:02,189 and satellite signals. We're in a true dead zone. 373 00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:04,324 So they've never heard Stern? 374 00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:05,793 [both gasp] 375 00:12:05,793 --> 00:12:08,595 And now we see how Wendell Banks met his fate. 376 00:12:08,695 --> 00:12:09,797 Looks like a tiger got him. 377 00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:11,198 He must have been cornered. 378 00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:12,699 There's no way out of here. It's a dead end. 379 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,001 There's always a way, 380 00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:16,169 even if you have to make it yourself. 381 00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:18,038 - And here it is. - [gasps] Oh, God. 382 00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:19,139 It's filled with snakes. 383 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,808 Let me guess. You hate snakes? 384 00:12:20,808 --> 00:12:22,342 - Nope, I love them. - Oh. 385 00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,277 Yep, I love them, and I always have, 386 00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,113 because I'm my own unique character. 387 00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:28,048 - Okay. - I'm not based on anyone else. 388 00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:29,950 - Didn't think you were. - And since I am legally 389 00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:31,518 my own person who is not afraid of snakes, 390 00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:35,488 I'll just reach into this alcove and move some of them aside. 391 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,925 Yep. Pardon me, nice snakes. Hi there. [chuckles] 392 00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:39,827 And pull the lever. 393 00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:42,996 Now you're on the trolley. 394 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,498 [wildlife chirping] 395 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:48,335 [drumming] 396 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,137 My God. 397 00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:52,239 An untouched civilization. 398 00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:53,673 These Neanderthals could be 399 00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:55,308 a whole tribe of missing links. 400 00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:56,309 And look. 401 00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:58,178 I spy with my little arky eye 402 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,147 - Hammurabi's hat. - SALTINE: That's it. 403 00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:01,681 Let's wait for them to fall asleep, 404 00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:02,715 then we can sneak in... 405 00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:04,617 And there he goes. 406 00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:07,254 [drumming] 407 00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:08,255 [screams] 408 00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:09,556 They somehow noticed me. Run! 409 00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:10,557 [growling] 410 00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,159 Well, we're fucking dead. 411 00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:14,727 Rip, look. They're all staring at the hat. 412 00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:16,096 - Oh. - Put it on. 413 00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:18,165 That's interesting. 414 00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:20,567 Huh? Huh. 415 00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:22,069 [grunting] 416 00:13:22,169 --> 00:13:23,703 It almost seems like they won't attack 417 00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:25,338 when I'm wearing the hat. 418 00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:26,974 Yeah, when you're wearing it, they clearly worship you. 419 00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:28,976 - Now let's get out of here. - Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. 420 00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:31,144 They worship me? 421 00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:32,445 Yes. Now let's go. 422 00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:35,382 Actually, I want to hang here a while 423 00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,584 - and-and see how this plays out. - What? 424 00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:38,919 Rise, my people, 425 00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:41,688 and gaze upon your glorious leader. 426 00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:43,123 [cheering] 427 00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:44,457 Oh, shit, man. 428 00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:50,697 Saltine, check it. This cat knows English. 429 00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:51,999 - Sup? - His name is Kurt. 430 00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:53,333 Rip, this is crazy. 431 00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:54,801 Let's just take the hat back to Eegan. 432 00:13:54,902 --> 00:13:56,669 Wh-What's your hurry? We've got it made here. 433 00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:59,606 Around-the-clock adulation, free refills on coconut water. 434 00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:01,909 Plus, they're grinding up this emerald forest shit, 435 00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:04,077 and it packs quite a wallop. 436 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,612 [snorts] Wa-ha! 437 00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:07,347 Okay, I get it. You're feeling good. 438 00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:08,681 But we'll leave soon, right? 439 00:14:08,781 --> 00:14:11,018 Sure. Or, hear me out, we never leave. 440 00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:13,353 Hear me out. We live here for the rest of our lives. 441 00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:15,222 Hear me out. We get more of this green stuff. 442 00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:16,924 Hear me out. We snort it all. 443 00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:19,092 Hear me out. And then we die! 444 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,727 Goodbye, Rip. 445 00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:23,430 Okay, but you're gonna miss my new leader ceremony. 446 00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:27,067 Kurt says it'll be the biggest party in many moons. 447 00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:32,973 Hey, Saltine, where's Rip? 448 00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:34,774 - Oh, my God! He's dead?! - What? 449 00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:36,109 No, he's just not coming. 450 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,310 I'm sorry. That was confusing. 451 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:40,280 Oh, thank God. I thought we'd lost him. 452 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,382 You can't do stuff like that! 453 00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:44,217 KURT: So, this is where we perform 454 00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:45,718 - the new leader ceremony. - Great. 455 00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:47,087 And what are my duties? 456 00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:48,388 You have sex with everyone in the village. 457 00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,057 [laughs] Say that again, 458 00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:51,491 Kurt the talking Neanderthal. 459 00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:53,026 Sorry, sometimes my diction is a little off. 460 00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:56,096 I said, you have sex with everyone in the village, 461 00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,231 - and if you don't, we kill you. - Huh. 462 00:14:58,331 --> 00:14:59,967 Let me just take a look here. 463 00:14:59,967 --> 00:15:01,034 [gasps] 464 00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,635 Holy hell. 465 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:05,038 Uh, not to give you the wind, Kurt, old pal, 466 00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:07,407 but this is giving me a real case of the zorros. 467 00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:08,976 I mean, not to sound pigeon-livered, 468 00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:10,710 but the bank is closed, if you take my meaning. 469 00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:11,711 [chuckles] Sorry. 470 00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:12,980 I turn into a real church bell 471 00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:14,214 when I've got the zorros. 472 00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:15,248 I'm sure you're like, "Who is this 473 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:16,283 canceled stamp?" Am I right? 474 00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:17,650 [nervous giggling] 475 00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:19,752 Okay, I think I know 476 00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:21,421 how to convince Rip to come back with us. 477 00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:24,491 Saltine, stop. We can't make him leave. 478 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,259 But what about the arky competition? 479 00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,996 The arky world treated Rip like dog shit. 480 00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:30,197 They stomped on him, 481 00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:32,065 then they chewed him up, and spit him out. 482 00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:33,866 Just like you do with dog shit. 483 00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:35,868 So if he's found a place where he feels happy 484 00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:38,738 and respected, who are we to ask him to give that up? 485 00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:41,741 That's a good point. I just hope he's, to quote Pharrell... 486 00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:43,576 - happy. - [Fleety chitters] 487 00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:46,213 - Fleety? Where's Rip? - [sad mumbling] 488 00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:48,481 - Oh, my God, he's dead?! - [mumbling] 489 00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:49,649 Come on! 490 00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:51,584 You guys got to stop doing that! 491 00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:53,453 Rip, are you in here? Rip? 492 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:56,289 RIP: Oh, yeah. Fill me up, stud. 493 00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:57,724 Crush me out, stallion. 494 00:15:57,824 --> 00:15:58,725 Oh, my God. 495 00:15:58,825 --> 00:15:59,859 - Saltine! - Aah! 496 00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,061 You got to get me the fuck out of here. 497 00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:02,562 Rip? But I thought you were... 498 00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:04,031 Getting my backyard churned into a DQ Blizzard? 499 00:16:04,031 --> 00:16:05,465 Luckily, they're so dumb, I've been tricking them 500 00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:06,666 with a sex doll I made out of straw. 501 00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:08,368 - [thumping] - [rustling] 502 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,137 So, uh, you're rescuing me or what? 503 00:16:10,237 --> 00:16:14,041 Heck, yeah, I am. It's time for Saltine's Cool Inventions. 504 00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:15,475 Oh, damn it. Not the cat mirror. 505 00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:16,809 I made a few modifications. 506 00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:18,911 Now, it doesn't just reflect, it also 507 00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:20,380 projects holograms. 508 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,681 Check it. 509 00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:23,116 - [meows] - [confused grunt] 510 00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,185 - [screams] - [grunts] 511 00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:27,187 - [meows] - [screams] 512 00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:28,788 - It's working. - I know. 513 00:16:28,888 --> 00:16:30,957 RIP [over recording]: Ooh, that hit the back wall. 514 00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:34,794 - [roaring] - [screaming] 515 00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:35,928 [meowing] 516 00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:38,065 Roar! Roar! 517 00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:39,199 [chuckles] This way! 518 00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:41,068 It works. Okay, I got to ask. 519 00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:43,770 Where did Fleety find a kitten in the middle of the jungle? 520 00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:45,905 - [roaring] - Oh, I see. It's a tiger cub. 521 00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:48,708 And now its mama's pissed. Fleety, you suck. 522 00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:50,910 Uh, that's not good. 523 00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:52,079 [Fleety grunts] 524 00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:53,880 Uh... Okay. 525 00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:55,315 That's normal. 526 00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:57,084 [scoffs] Said no one ever. 527 00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:58,218 - [laughs] - [growling] 528 00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:00,087 Let's move! 529 00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:07,527 [roaring] 530 00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:08,828 Keep running! 531 00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:10,097 [roars] 532 00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:11,198 Ah! 533 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,236 [confused snarl] 534 00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:18,105 [sympathetic growl] 535 00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:21,274 Huh. 536 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:22,875 Well, that's odd. 537 00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:24,010 Yeah... 538 00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:25,912 Got to say, though... 539 00:17:26,012 --> 00:17:27,180 I don't hate it. 540 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,948 Swooper! Fire up the plane! 541 00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:31,918 Sorry, boss, I couldn't stop him. 542 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,621 I'll be taking that hat, Rip. 543 00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:37,190 You'll have to suck my dick first. 544 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,392 - No, I think I'll just take it. - Right, well, 545 00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:40,760 I guess I can see your point also. 546 00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:42,962 Got to hand it to him, he's good. 547 00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:47,167 - How did you even find us, Zane? - The business card I gave you. 548 00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,001 The one that said "fuck you" on it and you kept it anyway 549 00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:51,171 because you're a hoarder, it was a homing device. 550 00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:52,639 Oh, the fucking card? 551 00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,006 Unbelievable, man. 552 00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:55,642 I'll just put it in this pocket, though. 553 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,210 Oh, I knew Wendell Banks disappeared 554 00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:58,945 searching for that hat, so I figured I'd be like you 555 00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:00,980 and follow the trail of my male mentor. 556 00:18:01,148 --> 00:18:03,916 Wow, Zane, you are a world-class bum nickel. 557 00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:05,518 Rippy, that really hurt my feelings. 558 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:06,553 - It did? - No! 559 00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,054 I was being sarcastic. 560 00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:10,423 Your dry British wit makes it impossible to tell. 561 00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:11,458 Now, the hat. 562 00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:13,160 Okay, fine. You win, Zane. 563 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,196 No. Zane Troy, if you want to take that hat from Rip, 564 00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:17,864 you're going to have to go through 565 00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:19,999 his temporary assist... [grunts] 566 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:21,368 Saltine! 567 00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:22,969 Corpus floraria. Ring a bell, Rip? 568 00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:25,872 Anyhoo, antidote's on the beach two klicks thataway. 569 00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:29,442 I'm headed thisaway. You get it. Ta-ta. 570 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:30,777 Don't worry about me, Rip. 571 00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:32,512 - Get the hat back. - No, boss! 572 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:33,746 We got to get her to the hospital. 573 00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,182 SALTINE: The dart is my fault. 574 00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:36,416 Should've seen it coming. 575 00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:37,717 - Saltine, no, hang on. - [coughs] 576 00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:39,051 Oh, God. It's happening again. 577 00:18:39,186 --> 00:18:40,887 Would going after the hat be repeating 578 00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:42,822 the mistakes of my past? Am I being given an opportunity 579 00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:44,891 to make a better choice? Or to make the same choice 580 00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,759 as before but in hopes of a better outcome? 581 00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,428 Either way, will I live to regret my decision, 582 00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:50,997 or will I revel in the glory of a choice well made? 583 00:18:51,097 --> 00:18:52,565 And is this an act of free will, 584 00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,201 or am I fate's unwitting pawn? 585 00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:56,102 If I seize the hat and return to glory at the cost 586 00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:58,638 of Saltine's young life, will I be able to live with myself, 587 00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:00,973 or if I save her life but return to obscurity, 588 00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:02,909 will I forever be filled with resentment? 589 00:19:03,009 --> 00:19:05,111 I don't know what to fucking do, God. 590 00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:08,548 This! Is! Hard! 591 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,016 [thunder crashes] 592 00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:13,720 And so I'd like to introduce my new head arky, 593 00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:17,290 the man who brought me Hammurabi's hat... 594 00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:18,325 Zane Troy. 595 00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:19,726 [cheering and applause] 596 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,594 Thank you. I just want to say I would never 597 00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:24,096 have found the hat without my old friend Rip Digman. 598 00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:25,665 Well, that sucks. 599 00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:26,799 Thanks for saving my life, Rip. 600 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,501 Of course, Saltine. 601 00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:31,238 There was never a question of what I would do. -What? 602 00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:32,439 I want to say I'm sorry. 603 00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:33,540 I dragged you into all of this, 604 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,007 and it amounted to nothing. 605 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:36,543 I hope your next assistant will make you proud. 606 00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:38,411 She already has. 607 00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:41,147 Surprise! I'm hiring you as my permanent assistant. 608 00:19:41,248 --> 00:19:43,683 Seriously? But we lost the hat because of me. 609 00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:45,418 We lost the hat because of Zane. 610 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:48,955 But you, you helped me get back on the proverbial arky horse. 611 00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:50,357 I know your family doesn't approve 612 00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:51,691 of your lifestyle, Saltine, 613 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:52,959 but they can go to hell 614 00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:55,428 and burn there for a thousand years 615 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:59,399 as we laugh at them and spray our hot, frothy oat piss 616 00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:01,067 all over their charred corpses 617 00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:04,871 with the force of a thousand beer-bloated stallions. 618 00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:08,074 That was a really nice speech. 619 00:20:08,174 --> 00:20:10,109 Thanks. I wrote it on this piece of toilet paper 620 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,444 while you were unconscious. 621 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,446 Swooper even took an uncredited pass. 622 00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:14,981 Happy to help. 623 00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:18,285 So, what's next for us, boss? 624 00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:19,986 I'll be in touch. 625 00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:25,258 ♪ ♪ 626 00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,832 I trust this will be to your liking. 627 00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:36,803 Rip, I'm so glad you're back. 628 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,438 The phone's been ringing off the hook. 629 00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:39,639 With job offers? 630 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,140 No, there's a problem with the phone. 631 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,642 It keeps ringing off the hook. 632 00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:43,776 I called the phone company 633 00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:45,177 and they're gonna fix it tomorrow. 634 00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:46,178 [ringing] 635 00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:47,213 - See? - Oh, yeah, look at that. 636 00:20:47,314 --> 00:20:48,648 - That's freaky. - Also... 637 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,750 you're getting a bunch of emails with job offers. 638 00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:51,784 Really? 639 00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:53,453 I guess some smaller museums 640 00:20:53,553 --> 00:20:56,222 saw Zane say nice things about you in his press conference. 641 00:20:56,323 --> 00:20:58,525 Because his dry British wit makes it impossible to tell 642 00:20:58,625 --> 00:20:59,992 when he's being sarcastic. 643 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:01,694 Good God, Agatha. Do you know what this means? 644 00:21:01,794 --> 00:21:04,230 [snorts] Rip Digman is back! 645 00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:09,336 Hey, Swooper. I'm heading into my secret chamber. 646 00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:10,603 Have a nice shit. 647 00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:14,474 - [clicking] - [rumbling] 648 00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:23,516 Hey, babe. 649 00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:26,353 Things are finally looking up. 650 00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:29,422 Soon I'm going to find the Grail and bring you back. 651 00:21:29,522 --> 00:21:30,590 But in the meantime, 652 00:21:30,690 --> 00:21:32,359 don't you worry about me being faithful. 653 00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:34,794 Because the only dating I'm interested in... 654 00:21:34,894 --> 00:21:36,162 is carbon dating. 655 00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:00,186 Chirp.