1
00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:14,880
Whoever said this shit
was comfortable was a fucking misogynist.
2
00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:17,040
Light up your leggings!
3
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:24,720
Since this bitch is so obsessed
with her hair,
4
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:28,000
what do you say we shave it the fuck off?
5
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,600
Whoa! Whoa!
6
00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:38,320
What the hell is going on?
7
00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:40,720
Justice.
8
00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:43,520
We've convicted Saskia of Sandy's murder,
9
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,480
and now it's time she paid the price.
Shave it off.
10
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:48,200
Sorry,
did you just say "convict"?
11
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:51,240
How can you convict someone
if you haven't had a trial?
12
00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:53,480
Oh, stop being a narc, Amelia.
13
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:55,640
- And that's coming from me.
14
00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:58,600
No, really, I want to know
how does this justice system work?
15
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,240
Is it a head shave and some probation,
16
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:05,560
and then you're just gonna glue the hair
back on if she wins an appeal?
17
00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:07,000
She needs to be punished.
18
00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:09,280
And if that means we need
to have a frickin' trial,
19
00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:11,920
then fine, we'll have a frickin' trial.
20
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,280
Yeah.
Law Order, Ridge Heights style!
21
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,680
Oyez, oyez!
22
00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,120
Saskia Vanderbeek...
23
00:01:58,720 --> 00:01:59,800
is a murderer.
24
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:05,520
The evidence presented at this trial
will show unequivocally
25
00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:07,000
that she killed
26
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:11,040
poor, humble exchange student
Cassandra Cooper-Reid.
27
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,600
- God, I miss true crime so much.
- Oh, my God, me, too.
28
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,120
All I need is some Pad See Ew,
29
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:18,600
a bottle of my brightest shellac polish
30
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,680
and this is like
my Wednesday night ritual.
31
00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:21,880
Exhibit A.
32
00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:28,000
A farewell letter supposedly
written by our American friend,
33
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,960
and yet it is riddled
with Australian spelling.
34
00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:34,440
Exhibit B.
35
00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:38,000
The D'Amiré bag,
Sandy's most prized possession
36
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:41,600
and something we, her peers, know
that she would never leave without.
37
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,080
- And Exhibit C.
38
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:48,560
An eyewitness that saw Saskia
at the scene of the crime
39
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,440
the very night that Sandy went missing.
40
00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:53,160
Let's make her reuse one tampon
41
00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:55,480
- until she gets toxic shock syndrome!
42
00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,560
Okay, this is hardly a fair trial.
43
00:02:57,560 --> 00:02:59,160
Let's give her backhanded compliments
44
00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:01,280
- until she suffers from poor self-esteem!
45
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,280
I mean, it's not like
it's an impartial jury.
46
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:06,040
This is like
the fucking Salem Witch Trials.
47
00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:07,240
Hey, great idea.
48
00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:08,840
Burn her at the stake!
49
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:18,240
- Stop!
50
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,240
Come on, Genevieve.
This is an absolute joke.
51
00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:23,480
You don't even have one of the most
crucial components of the judicial system.
52
00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:24,720
What are you talking about?
53
00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:26,480
We've already assigned the court artist.
54
00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:30,600
No, I'm talking about the defence lawyer.
55
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:33,520
Oh, as if anyone's going to defend
a monster like Saskia.
56
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:34,920
Any takers, ladies?
57
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,000
G-U-I-L-T-Y!
58
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:38,640
She ain't got no alibi.
59
00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:41,120
She guilty. Hey, hey, she guilty.
60
00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:42,920
I'll do it. I'll defend her.
61
00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:44,640
What, sorry? Beg your pardon?
62
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:48,360
Now is not the time to realise
your unfulfilled legal career, Amelia.
63
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:49,680
Yeah. You sure you want to do that?
64
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:55,640
Yes. Yes, everyone deserves a fair trial,
even Saskia.
65
00:03:56,640 --> 00:04:00,320
Right. Let's decide on the legal system.
Are we doing civil or common?
66
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:01,400
Is mediation on the table--
67
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:04,080
No, we're doing TV law, okay?
68
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:05,520
We say what we think,
69
00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:07,280
and then at the end,
everyone gets to vote on
70
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,200
whether they reckon Saskia
is guilty or not.
71
00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:11,400
Yeah, and then we're going
to drown her in the pool.
72
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,520
Okay, well, before that, I need a recess
to confer with my client...
73
00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:20,880
- and a judge to grant one.
- Fine.
74
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,920
Forgettable Laura, you're it.
75
00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:29,440
What? Why me?
76
00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,200
Because everyone shits on you equally,
so you'll be impartial.
77
00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:37,000
Court adjourned
78
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,080
until, uh...
79
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:41,160
later?
80
00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:52,760
Um...
81
00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,360
Oi!
82
00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:20,240
Sas! What's our plan?
83
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,680
Do you know what went through my head
last night after they ambushed me?
84
00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:26,320
I don't know. Probably something about
pretending not to talk to a mop?
85
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:29,040
Relief. I don't have to be
this person any more.
86
00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:31,760
That's all well and good for you
and your Natalie Portman cheekbones,
87
00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:33,400
but we both know that
if they shave my head,
88
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,360
I'm going to look like Sir Ben Kingsley.
89
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,600
So, come on, please. What's our story?
90
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,320
The truth is freeing, Zoe.
91
00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:40,680
Just let it play out.
92
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,520
Sas, they have a witness.
93
00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:44,800
If they saw you, then they saw me, too.
94
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,040
Oh, shit!
95
00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:50,520
You said Phoebe's been
blackmailing you, right?
96
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:52,360
There's got to be something
about that in here.
97
00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:56,040
Why are you doing this?
98
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,280
I did ask for a bitch.
99
00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:05,200
And I got one.
100
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:08,360
It's only now that I can see
what toll that took on you.
101
00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:09,880
It did take a toll.
102
00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:13,560
Really freaked me out
how easily it came back, too.
103
00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:17,720
- And when Sandy...
- La, la, la, la, la.
104
00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,560
I don't want to hear anything
I can't unhear, okay?
105
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:23,160
You know what?
In fact, let's just go with the old
106
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,120
"you keep your lips sealed" strategy.
107
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,640
Just let me do the talking.
108
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:32,640
Chicago style. Time to Razzle Dazzle them.
109
00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:43,320
Oh, alas, the brew hath not breweth.
110
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,400
But you can't expect me
111
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,360
to sit through Legally Blonde IRL
without a drink.
112
00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:49,880
Oh, hell, no.
113
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:53,120
- What? What? Oh, my God.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
114
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:54,320
It's her again.
115
00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:57,600
No, it was just a really big crow
flying past. Yeah.
116
00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,360
It's a third sighting this week.
117
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:02,000
Sister Bicky is haunting us.
118
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,120
Megan, what are we going to do?
119
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:05,640
Okay.
120
00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:08,400
Well, the only thing we can do.
121
00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:11,080
- Exorcism.
- Sleep with the lights on.
122
00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:14,040
- What?
- We're gonna need some holy water.
123
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:17,280
Dear bitches,
don't be mad I've left. I...
124
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,520
realised... Oh!
125
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:24,120
Not Queen's English, dum-dum.
Realised with a "Z".
126
00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:25,920
- Do you have--
127
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:28,280
Tampering with evidence,
are we, huh? Tight.
128
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:29,560
What?
129
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,960
No! That's... How dare you?
130
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:35,480
Zoe, I saw you that night,
131
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:37,600
running after Saskia like a little lapdog.
132
00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:41,800
But, you know, when Genevieve asks
for my eyewitness statement,
133
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:43,960
I could say...
134
00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:46,040
that I only saw Saskia.
135
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:49,400
Have you ever had a normal
human interaction in your life, Phoebe?
136
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:51,920
One where you weren't bending
the other person over the whole time?
137
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:53,880
Does not compute.
138
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:57,000
No, I have not.
Electric Blue by lunchtime.
139
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,200
You know, if I can save Saskia
with this letter,
140
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:00,640
maybe I can save myself too.
141
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:04,520
You sound very confident, Ally McBeal,
but do we have a deal?
142
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:05,960
Like I have a choice.
143
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,600
Honestly, I'm just surprised
that you didn't fuck me over sooner,
144
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:11,400
- so thank you for that, I guess.
- You're so welcome,
145
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:13,000
my sweet Zoe.
146
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:16,440
I've been so busy bending over
much bigger fish.
147
00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:22,760
Wait.
148
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,760
What does "Electric Blue" mean?
149
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:28,640
And tell me, Megan,
is this the letter you found
150
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:31,160
while looking for mushrooms with Tegan?
151
00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:34,520
{\an8}Oh, yes, but can we speed this up?
Some of us have things to do.
152
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,920
Like everyone else who bailed
on this shit.
153
00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:40,000
Would you read the letter out,
please, Megan?
154
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,160
"Dear bitches.
Please don't be mad I've left.
155
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,080
-"I realised-- "
- Let me cut you off there.
156
00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:48,080
Please spell out that last word.
157
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:51,080
- I. It's spelled with a fucking "I".
- No, "realised."
158
00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:56,200
Fine. R-E-A-L-I-Z-E-D--
159
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,720
Hah! Australian spelling.
160
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:00,640
Wait, what? I don't...
161
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:05,880
I swear this had an "S" not a "Z" in it.
162
00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:08,640
Well, obviously, it's been tampered with.
163
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:13,200
Oi! You're supposed to wait
for me to dismiss you!
164
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,440
It's okay. I have
no further questions for the witness.
165
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,480
Correct me if I'm wrong, Genevieve,
166
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,400
but you claim that the note
has been tampered with?
167
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:23,840
Absolutely.
168
00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:27,840
Right, so, I mean, shouldn't it
then be thrown out as evidence?
169
00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:31,400
It still proves foul play
because the bag's here and Sandy's not.
170
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,760
Right. Right, right, right, right.
171
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,360
So the contents of the letter
remain relevant,
172
00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,440
- spelling aside?
- Yes.
173
00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:45,000
Yes, so Sandy did write it
and it hasn't been tampered with?
174
00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:46,720
No, I mean, it's forged.
175
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,880
Okay, so it's not not
been tampered with?
176
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,760
- Is that what you're saying?
- What?
177
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:55,160
No, yes, it's not... It's, yes, been...
Stop mixing my words.
178
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:59,240
What, indeed, Genevieve?
Beyond reasonable doubt?
179
00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:03,440
The prosecution can't even tell you
whether this letter is evidence or not.
180
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:06,040
- Throw it out, Judge Forgettable Laura.
- Objection!
181
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:08,160
She's trying to Razzle Dazzle me.
182
00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:11,400
And her blazer is too flashy.
It's actually quite distracting.
183
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:12,520
Overruled.
184
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,480
I don't know what just happened, but...
185
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:15,880
she beat you.
186
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:18,440
Fine.
187
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:20,520
Then I call my eyewitness.
188
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:25,960
Doesn't fit.
189
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:27,960
Objection. Relevance?
190
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,600
None. I've just always wanted to do that.
191
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:34,360
Phoebe, can you please tell
the ladies of the court
192
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:37,440
what you saw the night
that Sandy went missing?
193
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:41,320
I was on the outskirts of the campus,
194
00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:44,480
looking for reception
under the soft glimmer of the moonlight.
195
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:46,960
What's that?
196
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:50,000
Sandy's cries echoing on the wind.
197
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:51,280
Objection.
198
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,080
- Yeah, stop milking it.
- Fine.
199
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:56,280
- I saw Saskia and...
200
00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:02,160
And she was walking away
from the water's edge where the boat was.
201
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:03,360
Alone.
202
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:07,920
And that was the last time
anyone saw Sandy.
203
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,400
- That's not what happened.
- Shh. Stop talking.
204
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,600
No further questions, Your Honour.
205
00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:26,000
Tell me, Phoebe,
did you see Saskia murder Sandy?
206
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,720
Well, she was walking
from the water's edge--
207
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:33,240
So what you really saw was a woman
walking through the school grounds.
208
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:34,600
You say potato,
209
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:36,520
I say murderer.
210
00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:41,960
Phoebe...
211
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:48,120
You found Sandy's D'Amiré bag
weeks ago, didn't you?
212
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:53,400
What?
213
00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,800
- I don't recall.
- But you do remember the,
214
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,960
what was it, the glimmer of moonlight?
215
00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:03,880
It's very convenient.
216
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,040
I assert that you found
that bag weeks ago.
217
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:12,880
In which case, why didn't you say anything
when we were all looking for Sandy?
218
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:15,000
Because she was fucking annoying,
and it was peaceful without her.
219
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,880
Or did you find the bag
and use it to your advantage?
220
00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:20,480
- I don't follow.
- What did you do with the bag, Phoebe?
221
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:23,600
- I remind you that you are under oath.
- We actually didn't do the oath bit.
222
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,000
I took it to Saskia.
223
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,680
Oh, come on.
As if you're shocked.
224
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:29,800
I found the bag,
225
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:32,040
I took it to Saskia, and we made a deal.
226
00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:34,920
And if any of you had watched The Wire,
then you'd know it was fucking worth it.
227
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,240
So you admit it. You extorted Saskia.
228
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:38,320
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did.
229
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,760
I blackmailed her,
and I'd fucking blackmail her again, too.
230
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,520
Well, that's proof.
231
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:46,000
The fact that Saskia is blackmailable
at all says she's guilty.
232
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,800
No, the only thing that you have
proven here today, Genevieve,
233
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,440
is that your star witness
is a goddamn crook.
234
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:55,720
In fact, once we're done with Saskia,
we should be prosecuting Phoebe next.
235
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:56,680
What?
236
00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:58,760
We should be charging her
with extortion,
237
00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:01,400
embezzling Mooncups, battery gauging.
238
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:05,680
This isn't about Phoebe!
It's about what a fucking bitch Saskia is!
239
00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:18,200
And there you have it, ladies.
240
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:22,120
The real reason that we are all here.
241
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:24,680
Your Honour...
242
00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:28,320
I implore you to dismiss this case
on the basis
243
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:32,960
that it is nothing more than Genevieve's
personal vendetta against Saskia
244
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:35,960
for a bit of high school bullying.
245
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:40,720
You're right.
246
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:43,400
It's fucking personal.
247
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:46,720
One time.
248
00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:51,680
One fucking time,
she heard me do a shit at school.
249
00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:54,840
And do you think she ever
let me live that down?
250
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:55,920
No.
251
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:59,560
No, instead, she followed me
into the bathrooms
252
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:02,000
any chance she could,
and she would just wait...
253
00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:04,800
...like a fucking psycho.
254
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:09,360
Saskia would just wait there
listening for a plop,
255
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,040
until plop I could no more.
256
00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:14,720
- It's not funny.
257
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:21,280
Do you know what fecal impaction does
to a teenage girl's bowels?
258
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:26,280
I needed heat packs, pelvic floor physio,
259
00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:29,200
my mum had to pay for psychologists
260
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:32,440
to help me with the constant
rumination of planning
261
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:35,360
when, where, how I'd shit in public.
262
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,920
I have suffered because Saskia Vanderbeek
263
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:44,200
thought it would be funny
to make me a prisoner of my own body.
264
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:50,680
So you can all laugh
and call me Pepé Le Poo,
265
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:53,680
but I still live with this... every day.
266
00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:57,800
She was abusive.
267
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:01,400
There's no other word for it.
268
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:11,640
I'm sorry that happened to you, Genevieve.
269
00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:15,720
But Saskia is not on trial
for being a bad person.
270
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:18,560
Her character is not relevant.
271
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:22,160
Oh, really? Isn't a murderer
just a really bad bully?
272
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:33,320
You told everyone that my mum had
to sell her hair to pay for my tuition.
273
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,960
She was going through chemo, Saskia.
274
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,640
Yeah, I'm really sorry, Phoebe.
275
00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:43,520
You made me skip meals with you
until I became anaemic.
276
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:46,040
- I know. I know I did.
- Saskia, let's not admit to--
277
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,080
Guys, this was kind of my moment.
278
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,320
You pretended like
I didn't exist for five years.
279
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:53,640
You started a rumour that I was born
with an extra Y chromosome.
280
00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:56,400
And that my favourite Destiny's Child
was Michelle.
281
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,520
- Oh, that one's fucked.
- You said I was too fat for dressage,
282
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:00,800
that the horse should ride me.
283
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,280
Yeah, I know.
And there's no excuse for any of it.
284
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:03,680
Saskia, please, just let me handle this.
285
00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,680
You screamed at me
when I wore Ugg boots with short skirts
286
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:08,840
because you said that that was your look.
287
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,520
It was everyone's look, Sas.
288
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,280
Okay, Forgettable Laura,
bang your little hammer.
289
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:16,600
I racked up a $200 bill
on my dad's work phone
290
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,720
texting the Australian Idol number
because you said
291
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:22,040
that you would kill yourself
if Paulini was voted out.
292
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:25,480
- Teresa, please,
- Oh, how can I possibly forget?
293
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,640
You told them to cut off my fucking toe!
294
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,280
Order! Order!
295
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:31,560
Let's take lunch.
296
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,840
We can reconvene after, but first...
297
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:39,360
You never did your part
of the group assignments and that...
298
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:43,760
meant my work was always marked down.
299
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:46,640
I had to repeat year nine...
300
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:51,800
...again.
301
00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:58,080
You took Zoe from me.
302
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:01,200
I'm not sure I ever got over that.
303
00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:06,200
Just, please,
304
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:08,720
stay silent.
305
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:20,440
In the name of the Father,
the Son, and the Holy Spirit,
306
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,480
I command you to...
307
00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:23,960
Scull!
308
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:28,160
Scull, scull! Scull! Scull! Scull! Scull!
309
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:32,880
What you got? What you got?
310
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,320
A pulpy vintage...
311
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,200
- with a subtle hint of guilt.
- Really?
312
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,640
Because I was getting
sweaty Jesus
313
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:46,320
with strong daddy issues aromas,
do you know what I'm saying?
314
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,800
Let me taste again.
Let me taste again.
315
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:51,800
In the name of the Mother,
316
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:55,800
the Daughter, and the Mercury rising--
Oh, fuck!
317
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,160
It's her again.
318
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:00,200
Megan, we got too distracted
by the church wine.
319
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,320
We forgot to look for the Holy Water.
320
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:12,680
I've seen you chug beer out of a shoe
too many times to count.
321
00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:14,160
Park your judgement.
322
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:22,880
- For your Wednesday-night ritual.
- What?
323
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,560
- You are fucking smashing it, mate.
- Thank you.
324
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,160
- I'm pretty good at this.
- Yeah, you are.
325
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:33,560
Go get her, Amelia Finch.
326
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:35,520
Like Atticus Finch?
327
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:37,280
I got it.
328
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:44,440
I call my next witness... Zoe Miller.
329
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:46,320
Wait, what?
330
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,080
How well do you know the defendant?
331
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:52,960
Um, yeah, pretty well.
332
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,560
Not like super well, though.
333
00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,480
How well does anyone really know anyone?
334
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:02,560
Excuse me.
335
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:04,560
Butch Melanie, don't draw my burps.
336
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:10,040
Would you consider yourself
part of Saskia's click, the Too Cools?
337
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:14,560
- What?
338
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,800
Shit, Zoe.
339
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,520
I thought you were just being dramatic.
340
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:20,760
Mm-mm.
341
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,880
Thought I'd throw you up here
and you'd be fine.
342
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:24,480
No. Got the nerps.
343
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,040
Nervous burps. Listen, Amelia.
344
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:34,400
I know we're, like, just making up.
Such a gross term.
345
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:39,080
I really want to help you. It's just that
a lot of shit coming up for me right now.
346
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:42,800
You know?
Like, literally shit's coming up.
347
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:44,960
Speak up. We can't hear you.
348
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,080
I said a lot of shit
is coming up for me right now.
349
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:55,280
The last time I was on the stand,
the judge made me
350
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,800
choose which parent I wanted to live with,
so I just need a minute.
351
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:04,320
Oh.
352
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:12,960
Objection. This is gross and has nothing
to do with Saskia murdering Sandy.
353
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,400
Yeah, let's just throw her
off the bell tower.
354
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:19,640
Chop her up!
355
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:22,080
Hey.
356
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:23,720
Guys.
357
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,320
...the bell tower and it's done.
358
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,440
- Hey!
359
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,520
Yeah, okay.
360
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,200
- Saskia can be a bitch.
361
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,400
But don't pretend like you
haven't all benefited from that.
362
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,960
Okay? Because this is a two-way street.
She led and we followed.
363
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,400
I am living-proof.
364
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,520
We put women like Saskia up on pedestals,
365
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:47,000
and then the minute they stumble,
we fucking relish it.
366
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:50,720
But we don't expect the same kind
of exceptionalism for men.
367
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:52,760
Do we?
368
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:56,520
We don't prosecute them
for every tiny little fuck-up.
369
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,720
No, they get promoted. They get podcasts.
370
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,560
They get their pick of 12 fucking hotties
on national television,
371
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:05,800
even though they've got
the personality of a carrot.
372
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:11,480
High school fucks all of us up,
and Saskia is no different.
373
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,880
Yeah, okay, Genevieve, she bullied you.
374
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,920
That sucks. She was a cunt.
375
00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:22,320
But we wouldn't even be here having
this stupid trial in the first place
376
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,440
if Saskia hadn't kept us alive
long enough to do it.
377
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,000
And nobody else here can say that.
378
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,440
Do we slow clap?
379
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:41,640
Not the time.
380
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:45,320
I would like to say something.
It's time the truth came out.
381
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:48,520
- No.
- Recess. I request an immediate recess.
382
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:50,320
Well, just take one then.
383
00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:52,200
Let's go.
384
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,640
She's feeling guilty.
And she's feeling the heat.
385
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:05,280
Fuck.
386
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,920
And the Lord said to thee
387
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:14,880
that the potato will be the most divine
of all the vegetables,
388
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:18,640
for it shall make chips and hash browns.
389
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,640
Dude, stop preaching about potatoes
390
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,000
and come up with an incantation
to help us find this shit.
391
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:26,320
You know, like,
"Mother Mary, Full of Grace,
392
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,080
help us find a parking space."
393
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:31,120
Hey! Okay. I got you.
394
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,520
I got you. Okay, um...
395
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,000
- Give me a beat.
- All right.
396
00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:42,720
♪ Blessed Virgin with the sexy saunter
Help us find ♪
397
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:44,800
♪ The Holy Water ♪
398
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:46,880
Slay.
399
00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:57,480
Hey, what the hell?
I was going to do a slut drop.
400
00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:00,680
I didn't know
there was a toilet here?
401
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:18,560
What, do you think because
a priest pissed in there,
402
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,480
the toilet water's holy or some shit?
403
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:21,720
Do you hear yourself?
404
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:25,120
Toilet, uh, water.
405
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:38,680
- And Genevieve knew about it.
- What the fuck?
406
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:41,600
Pepé has a secret shitter.
407
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:44,520
I object.
408
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:53,560
Time to bail, Zo-Zo.
409
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:04,680
It's set sail, baby.
410
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:11,920
{\an8}Oh! No, no, no. What the fuck?
411
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:13,040
{\an8}What the fuck?
412
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,280
Fuck you, Super Glue. You don't do shit.
413
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:27,800
All right.
414
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,560
Time to face the clippers, Zo-Zo.
415
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:35,360
Zoe is right.
416
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:38,600
High school really fucks you up.
417
00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:43,480
This place really sucked me back in.
418
00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:49,640
I didn't kill Sandy.
419
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,640
But I did push her out to sea,
and that's pretty much
420
00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:59,520
as good as killing her, isn't it?
For that, I should be punished.
421
00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:04,360
But, for as powerful as you think I am...
422
00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:08,320
there is always someone above you.
423
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:15,840
And I know what it's like
to have that power taken from you.
424
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:27,320
For the last year of school,
425
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:32,280
I was in a secret relationship
with Mr. Garrity.
426
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:36,480
Although I've actually learned
I wasn't the only one.
427
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,760
There are words, really extreme words,
428
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:45,240
that therapists have used
to describe what happened to me,
429
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:47,960
and I never related to them
until coming back here.
430
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:58,360
Sometimes I think it would be easier
431
00:25:59,120 --> 00:26:02,560
if he were a monster because the days...
432
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:08,760
The days where I believed
that he loved me are
433
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:11,360
the shittest ones.
434
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,600
Because I know now
that he couldn't possibly have loved me.
435
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:24,280
And I'm not making excuses.
436
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:27,080
I've done unforgivable things
437
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:29,200
to every single one of you.
438
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:34,760
It's just being back here
has made me really fucking angry, and I...
439
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,280
Yeah, I took it out on all of you,
and it's not fair.
440
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:48,360
But what is?
441
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:54,360
There's something I need to say.
442
00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:55,760
J'accuse!
443
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,040
Genevieve's got a secret toilet.
444
00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:03,400
Can you blame me after everything
Saskia put me through?
445
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,400
And, I'm sorry,
that was a lovely little speech,
446
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,920
but Saskia was a bitch before grade 12.
447
00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:09,440
Be that as it may, Pepé,
448
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:12,200
we've been blowing mud
into literal mud for months.
449
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:15,800
And after all this time,
you've had your own private pisser?
450
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:17,680
And she's been hiding triple-ply.
451
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:20,880
So sue me!
452
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:23,040
- Vote cast!
453
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:24,640
We said that we'd vote,
454
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:27,320
so fucking scream if you think
that we should shave
455
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:30,080
both Saskia and Genevieve's head.
456
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:32,240
- What?
457
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:34,040
Yes, yes, yes!
458
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:35,400
- You are dead!
- Shave bitch. Shave!
459
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:44,320
The reign of terror ends now!
460
00:27:59,360 --> 00:28:02,240
Please, please, it's just a toilet.
461
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,240
She actually killed someone.
462
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:08,760
Nothing tastes as good as baldness.
463
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:17,800
Shouldn't we do
something about this?
464
00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:19,240
There's not much we can do.
465
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,200
Justice, as they say, has been served.
466
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:25,600
I don't do it. I don't do cardio.
467
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,520
What's the word for when someone
does something really shitty,
468
00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:30,800
and gets away with it?
469
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:32,000
Scot-free?
470
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:33,720
I know, right?
471
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:36,240
Saskia kills someone
and only cops a haircut.
472
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:49,360
Shave! Shave! Shave!
473
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:01,080
Girls!
474
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:05,880
What in heck do you call this abomination?
475
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,560
The power of Christ compels you.
476
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:17,320
What the fuck, guys?
477
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:19,920
Oh, no, don't worry. She's just a ghost.
478
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:21,720
Oh, shit.
479
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:25,480
I think we just killed the teacher.