1
00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:08,720
佐伊

2
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:12,160
妳知道我想多瞭解妳

3
00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:14,280
妳非常美

4
00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:16,480
{\an8}又聰明

5
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:17,840
{\an8}《 速配男女》
蓋瑞斯會選誰?

6
00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:20,040
{\an8}而且...熱情洋溢

7
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:22,840
{\an8}像妳這樣堅強的女人

8
00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:26,280
{\an8}值得和真正適合妳的人在一起

9
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:29,400
對不起,佐伊...

10
00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:32,600
但我不是那個人

11
00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:37,840
–是,你是
–不是

12
00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:42,040
在妳說熱情洋溢這詞之前
我根本沒聽過這詞

13
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:45,400
我也從沒聽過高強度間歇訓練這詞

14
00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,680
但現在你看,我整天都在做深蹲

15
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,200
–真的
–很好

16
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:50,440
–對
–等等,佐伊

17
00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:53,760
聽著,抱歉,但妳不是我的真命天女

18
00:00:58,040 --> 00:00:59,760
所以你是說...

19
00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:02,840
也許你說笑話時我能笑得更大聲

20
00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:04,960
–拜託,別這樣
–或是也許...

21
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:08,160
如果我能在毛毯下
多感受一下你的雞雞

22
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:11,400
不顧周圍有15個人在拍攝
也許我就是你的真命天女?

23
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:12,920
我們還在拍嗎?

24
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:16,560
真不敢相信我會遇到這種鳥事
為了什麼?

25
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:21,160
為了一個以為
月亮是太陽的影子的無腦肌肉男

26
00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:23,240
開什麼玩笑?去你的!

27
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,880
是嗎?我們有人來這裡
是為了尋找真愛

28
00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:28,800
“真愛”?你來這裡是為了真愛嗎?

29
00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:29,880
–對
–真的嗎?

30
00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:31,440
因為真愛不是

31
00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:34,960
在浪漫儀式背後
推銷你的健身應應用程式

32
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:37,520
–但我想我是那種只想紅的賤人
–我們要停拍嗎?

33
00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:41,440
期待這性別歧視的混蛋
能有一場電臺主持等級的表演

34
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:45,160
–我想我們應該停拍
–或至少是播客等級的

35
00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:49,560
這整個節目就像你
仿曬的古銅膚色一樣假

36
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:51,800
還有這些假花?

37
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:53,520
–都是假的...
–冷靜點

38
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:56,640
那是真的,但沒有安裝在任何東西上

39
00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,360
這裡沒有天花板

40
00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,040
超扯!

41
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:04,480
還有我們根本沒吃過的起司!

42
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:06,840
–還有鴿子
–別碰鴿子

43
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:08,920
說到鴿子我就氣

44
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,600
–不要...
–滾開

45
00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:11,840
愛情鳥

46
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:16,320
天上飛的老鼠
讓四處的單身女性都覺得自己很糟

47
00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:17,680
她失控了

48
00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,440
–繼續拍,不要停
–...妳!

49
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,560
–佐伊...
–來吧,出來!

50
00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:23,280
佐伊,住手

51
00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:26,280
–佐伊,不要!
–去吧!飛吧!

52
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:28,000
離開這裡!

53
00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,160
天啊!

54
00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:34,400
這是收視高點,不要停...

55
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:35,880
牠在我嘴裡大便了

56
00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:38,440
{\an8}#佐伊#速配#便便

57
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:39,680
{\an8}佐伊,妳在幹嘛?

58
00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:40,720
{\an8}鳥屎是妳的真命天子

59
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:43,440
{\an8}分享

60
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:46,360
{\an8}發燒影片

61
00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:50,280
{\an8}真是笨蛋!

62
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:03,880
六個月後

63
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:12,760
不...

64
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,720
我們之間要這樣繼續下去嗎?

65
00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:22,800
你這麼難搞,而我

66
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,880
發現自己又在大聲自言自語了?

67
00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,000
我以為我們相處得很好

68
00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:25,480
什麼鬼?

69
00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:29,520
僅限用於緊急狀況!

70
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,360
現在就是緊急狀況

71
00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:40,000
{\an8}用戶:鳥屎是妳的真命天子
用戶:通常大便會從...

72
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:41,560
我是被惡意剪接的!

73
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:43,720
惡劣天氣警報!撤離到高處

74
00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:45,040
唉呀,好

75
00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:08,760
我正在籌劃這個活動

76
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:11,560
我除了忙著籌劃我們的同學會

77
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,160
我目前在準備2036年的初選

78
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:17,200
如果領導的席位...不行

79
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:20,000
泰瑞莎,那是妳這一小時
喝的第四瓶藍色調酒

80
00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:24,440
慢慢來,或是喝一杯橙色的
行行好吧

81
00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:26,480
想喝橙色的嗎?

82
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,560
–我...
–這真的很好喝

83
00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:32,800
所以...

84
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:37,480
妳知道佐伊有沒有提到她來不來嗎?

85
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:39,240
沒有消息

86
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:43,560
就因為在全國播放的電視節目中
吃到鳥大便

87
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,880
不代表妳不用回覆
是否參加同學會

88
00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:47,080
對

89
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:49,600
學生會會長

90
00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:53,720
不要用那種表情看我
我知道妳以前是學生會會長

91
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,160
但妳在學期中離開了

92
00:05:56,160 --> 00:06:00,000
我就成了學生會代理會長
必須有人出來接手

93
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,080
當然,沒問題

94
00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:06,200
說到升級,有沒有人跟妳重新介紹
升級版的莎絲姬亞?

95
00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:09,600
妳知不知道莎絲姬亞
每賣出一包衛生棉條

96
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,760
她就會捐出一包給貧窮國家的女生?

97
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,920
不要說人不會變

98
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:17,960
她不是曾把妳的人生
害得很慘嗎?潔娜芙

99
00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:21,040
她不是也曾把妳的人生
害得很慘嗎?艾米莉亞

100
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,000
總之,妳當年為何離校?

101
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:27,040
有謠言說妳是因為
跟那個教師上床而被開除

102
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,560
這不是我離校的原因

103
00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:31,240
妳把這件事說得感覺更像醜聞

104
00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,160
那是為什麼?妳為什麼...

105
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,440
–抱歉
–什麼,妳嫁給他了?

106
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,960
妳怎麼沒在自介裡說

107
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,400
–玩得開心嗎?
–比我想像的還要糟糕

108
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,840
她們以為我跟那個數學老師私奔

109
00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:45,880
跟19歲的場地管理員助理私奔更性感

110
00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:48,960
–所以她出現了嗎?
–沒有,就說她不會來了

111
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,040
別這樣,妳才剛到那裡

112
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:52,360
我要回家了

113
00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,720
但是阿米,車程要六小時

114
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,720
留下吧,她可能會出現...

115
00:06:58,240 --> 00:06:59,360
喂?丹尼?

116
00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:01,320
這裡的接收訊號真爛

117
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,440
我想登入最大的...

118
00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:12,160
“往更高處去,佐伊”

119
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:13,720
“好,爸爸,我正要去”

120
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:17,600
“在天氣緊急情況下
妳的母校是最近的疏散點”

121
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:21,200
“好,爸爸,我知道
我現在真的要去學校了”

122
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:24,800
“妳怎麼都不在妳的幻想對話中
跟我說話?”

123
00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:26,960
“現在先別說這個,媽媽”

124
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,840
“所以妳才決定
窩在妳爸爸的露營拖車

125
00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:31,800
“而不是住進我的大房子嗎?”

126
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,080
天啊,不要再自言自語了!

127
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:07,440
牠現在有超過一百萬的粉絲

128
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,920
而這次活動的時機恰到好處

129
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:14,200
因為康斯特伯在水明漾
為《狗狗時尚》拍封面

130
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,640
所以我想趁來這裡時露個面

131
00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:19,320
妳是史上最棒的交換生

132
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:22,240
–牠也來了還是...
–沒有,牠在邦代的狗狗水療中心

133
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:27,440
但這是我在尼克頻道
兒童票選獎上的寶貝

134
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:34,400
泰瑞莎,她說的“寶貝”不是寶寶

135
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:39,280
各位,我們可以用“寶貝”這個詞

136
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:42,600
很多夫妻第一次做試管嬰兒都失敗

137
00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:46,440
在布里斯班的某個小冷凍庫裡

138
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:51,640
我的胚胎就一副
“妳可以盡情狂歡,媽媽

139
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:55,960
“因為下次
我們要留在妳溫暖的大子宮裡”

140
00:08:55,960 --> 00:09:00,000
我就想:“好吧,寶寶們”
因為我沒事

141
00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:04,880
不行!

142
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:08,720
為了跟我最好的朋友敘舊
我跨越了半個地球

143
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:11,320
結果她就只會講她子宮的事

144
00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:12,840
誰會在我們這年紀做試管嬰兒?

145
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:14,640
–各位,我要走了
–不要

146
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:18,840
我們根本還沒聊到佐伊和配對節目
還有妳離校的原因

147
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,240
我真的要走了,各位

148
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:23,640
她就是...

149
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:25,760
妳在做什麼工作?瑞妮

150
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:29,480
–我是美甲師
–真可愛

151
00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:31,520
妳...不要告訴別人

152
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:37,120
山稜崗天主教女子學院

153
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:44,520
沒有水湧出地面

154
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:48,720
只有癒合多年的高中傷疤
又得要被揭開了

155
00:09:57,760 --> 00:09:59,120
唉呀!

156
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:07,040
什麼鬼?

157
00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:10,960
嘿,不好意思

158
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,320
緊急集合點在哪裡?

159
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:16,320
喂?

160
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,640
沒禮貌

161
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,440
真不敢相信每個人都過得這麼好

162
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:44,240
對,所有這些有錢的女孩

163
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:47,880
她們輕易就能得到各種社會特權

164
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:51,320
不過像我這種拿獎學金的工賊
不得不去賣血

165
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,880
才負擔得起去一趟滑雪旅行

166
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,080
但是,對,每個人都過得很好

167
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,400
很高興妳來了,菲比

168
00:10:58,400 --> 00:10:59,880
別矯情了

169
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:04,320
我的老闆不會給我獎金
除非他看到我做出一點好業績

170
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,040
總之,妳是做什麼工作的?

171
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:09,000
雷妮?

172
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,680
是瑞妮,對

173
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,440
我是...

174
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:17,240
醫生,對

175
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:19,240
不錯喔

176
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:30,640
天啊,她來了!

177
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:34,520
–發生了什麼事?
–我很高興妳來了!

178
00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:37,800
他和他的間歇訓練都去死
他配不上妳

179
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:39,640
這是我們的同學會嗎?

180
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:41,760
–對!
–十年同學會,笨蛋

181
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:43,360
紅到不屑回覆邀請函嗎?

182
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,480
這是疏散地點嗎?

183
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:47,480
妳沒收到電郵嗎?

184
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,440
我沒看電郵,妳們有沒有...

185
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:51,960
–沒人能聯絡到妳
–這就是重點

186
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:55,040
有人不回覆邀請函時
就無法準備足夠的餐點...

187
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:56,080
佩佩

188
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:58,480
–不要叫我佩佩
–喝啦,小佐

189
00:11:58,480 --> 00:11:59,640
喝啦!

190
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:03,840
–告訴我們那間豪宅是什麼樣的
–妳可以保留禮服嗎?

191
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,240
不行,那是租來的

192
00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:08,960
聽著,因為外面的鳥群都在繞圈飛...

193
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:12,000
–希望這次妳有閉上嘴巴
–鳥屎的味道怎麼樣?

194
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,240
在妳經歷過這件事後
妳害怕鳥群是合理的

195
00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:18,960
地面在震動,然後地面都裂開...

196
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,880
記得她以前騙我們說瓦斯漏氣

197
00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:24,800
好逃避考試嗎?
“妳們有聞到味道嗎?”

198
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,000
拜託,聽著!

199
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,920
她以前還說她見過強納森泰勒湯瑪士

200
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:34,000
還有她以前吸菸觸發火警警報時
她告訴畢琪修女...

201
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,680
地面裂開了,到處都有水湧出來!

202
00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:40,480
我沒有發瘋,我只是被惡意剪接

203
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,720
–佐伊...
–妳還好嗎?

204
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:03,160
嘿,妳經歷了不少事

205
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:07,920
妳何不冷靜一下?去洗把臉

206
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,640
好

207
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:12,600
對,妳去吧

208
00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,120
天啊,我很愛續集

209
00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:23,320
妳有什麼毛病?
把手機收起來,她狀況不好

210
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,480
說得好像妳以前在學校不會這樣似的

211
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:30,040
我在高中時是個混蛋
但我們當中有人長大了

212
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,640
看吧?我說過她變了

213
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:40,120
沒事,只是爸爸那邊的天氣很怪

214
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:41,920
這裡沒事

215
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:45,640
地面沒裂開
沒有水湧出來,完全沒問題

216
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:49,400
她們說得對,妳是經歷了不少事

217
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:53,000
而且妳確實是誇張了
妳確實小題大作了

218
00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:57,920
就算妳真的見過強納森泰勒湯瑪士
但這不是重點,重點是

219
00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:02,560
一切都會好起來的,妳要出去

220
00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:05,160
妳會表現正常,玩得開心

221
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:12,160
妳會停止在鏡子面前自言自語

222
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:16,440
我的額頭上不能有臭味,就是不行

223
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:21,320
–是因為帽子
–帽子?

224
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,400
這頂讓人發癢的爛帽子

225
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:30,600
–嘿!
–嘿

226
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:31,560
嗨

227
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:36,640
佐伊,妳還好嗎?

228
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:39,640
–妳就...妳看起來...
–瘋瘋顛顛的?

229
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,000
對,我知道

230
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,800
我想這只是因為
我住在荒郊野外六個月

231
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:48,160
我的幽默感有點怪

232
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:50,760
好,很好

233
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,040
妳沒事我就放心了,我要走了

234
00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:56,360
艾米莉亞,等等

235
00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:00,200
嗨,妳好嗎?

236
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,960
這十年來

237
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:05,080
妳每一天、每一分鐘都過得怎麼樣?

238
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:07,840
沒什麼好說的,真的...

239
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:11,960
丹尼和我接手了我父母的農場
所以我們還在那裡

240
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,120
種花生

241
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,200
丹尼?那個“丹尼”?

242
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:19,600
酷

243
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,080
我在念線上法律學位,念到一半

244
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,240
棒極了

245
00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:25,920
把這說出來感覺真的很令人沮喪

246
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:29,080
所以,對,很高興妳沒事,我真的...

247
00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:31,680
其實妳不能出去

248
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:34,520
因為...

249
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:38,760
我需要妳聞聞我的額頭

250
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,920
我是認真的,她們都在說我的壞話

251
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,120
這樣會讓我感覺好過些,所以來聞吧

252
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:47,200
–我不要聞妳的額頭
–聞一下,我需要妳聞

253
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:48,320
–佐伊
–拜託

254
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:50,600
–這很奇怪
–這會讓我感覺好一點

255
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:51,760
–不要
–來吧

256
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:53,520
來,聞一下

257
00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:56,880
妳真的聞了!

258
00:15:56,880 --> 00:16:00,040
天啊,佐伊!妳讓我聞了,妳...

259
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:02,440
拜託,就留下吧

260
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:07,120
因為我不想聽妳一句話
就交代完妳的生活,好嗎?

261
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,880
妳可以回到妳的生活,回到農場

262
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,960
回到現實生活,任何舊時光

263
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:16,480
但是現在,拜託留下陪我喝一杯

264
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:18,000
已經十年了

265
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:22,440
就喝一杯

266
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,040
–太好了
–然後我就必須走了

267
00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,320
好,但車鑰匙我暫時收著

268
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,720
泰根和梅根還在嗎?

269
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,040
她們在自慰涼亭那裡

270
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:34,760
太好了,那就一會兒見
妳這該死的怪人

271
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:43,000
妳騎著一隻在粉紅雲朵上
撒尿的獨角獸

272
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:48,400
唉呀,優雅的亞軍本人來了

273
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,000
以為妳失蹤了

274
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,160
泰根

275
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:52,160
梅根

276
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:57,480
妳還記得有一個叫
蘿拉康寧安的小妞嗎?

277
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:01,680
–不記得,幹嘛問?
–她死了

278
00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:04,080
對,妳看,這裡有一塊悲哀的小牌匾

279
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:05,360
(緬懷親愛的蘿拉康寧安)

280
00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:08,440
有人結婚,有人生孩子

281
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:12,400
每次學校辦舞會時
這小妞的紀念牌就被大家

282
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,240
當成自慰用具

283
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,640
願她安息

284
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:19,400
悲哀

285
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:26,280
–妳有什麼更嗨的嗎?
–好

286
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:28,760
妳想快點還是慢點,閨密?

287
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,480
超快

288
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:35,320
快到讓我忘了
我穿錯衣服來同學會,對吧?

289
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:40,560
聽著,不用付我錢
妳在配對節目上的表現精彩至極

290
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,680
–我活過來了
–活過來了

291
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,920
很高興妳們喜歡

292
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:47,320
謝謝

293
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:56,080
妳們都還好嗎?

294
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:59,440
超好的,這裡很美好
可以避開那群說三道四的八婆

295
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,200
太好了

296
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:05,160
蘿拉康寧安,我把這根大麻菸
留給妳的唇

297
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:07,800
噗...

298
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:23,560
–好多了嗎?
–他媽的十年了,姊妹們!

299
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:44,760
不會,我不會自稱英雄
但如果妳願意,那也好

300
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:49,680
我不懂妳怎麼能說我是妳的閨密
但取消關注我的狗狗

301
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,560
再接再厲,我來了

302
00:18:58,200 --> 00:18:59,760
天啊,還有...

303
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,400
但還不止這些...

304
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:09,320
身為醫生,這對我來說不是一份工作

305
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,800
懂我的意思嗎?這更像是使命

306
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:13,280
珊蒂,排隊

307
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:16,000
–不要吵,佩佩臭鼬
–不要這樣叫我

308
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:19,680
要不是妳九年級在夏令營亂大便
我就不會這樣叫妳,佩佩臭鼬

309
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,320
九年級時她根本不在這裡

310
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,520
{\an8}山稜崗天主教女子學院
學生會會長榮譽委員會

311
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:29,560
2007年
潔娜芙圖克–艾米莉亞

312
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:34,080
感覺妳從沒離開過
噢,會長,我的會長

313
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,280
其實關於這個話題...

314
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:40,280
在照相亭拍照也太酷了
等等我,各位酷姐

315
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:47,720
2007年畢業班,歡迎回來

316
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,880
為什麼女白人老是覺得
有必要做這種事?

317
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:28,720
嘿,佐伊

318
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,560
車鑰匙可以還我嗎?我要...我要走了

319
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,520
妳不能走,要跳舞了

320
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,320
我不會跳,我沒參加過

321
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,760
沒關係,我們會教妳,很簡單

322
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:45,080
並非所有人都願意
為了娛樂而自欺欺人

323
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,640
我應該要感激妳這次有說再見

324
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:52,000
而不是直接消失,對吧?

325
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,760
佐伊,鑰匙可以還我嗎?

326
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:58,960
妳知道那是什麼感覺嗎?艾米莉亞

327
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:03,560
我被我父母耍得團團轉
然後妳也不告而別?

328
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,680
我不知道我之前在期待妳什麼

329
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:13,400
對,不是,很好,妳就走吧
因為妳這就是這種人,再見

330
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,080
什麼鬼?

331
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:52,600
我們有...自慰涼亭那裡有狀況

332
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,200
讓我確認一下,妳們也看到了吧?

333
00:21:56,200 --> 00:22:01,600
因為要不是到處都是水
就是這大麻真是太嗨了

334
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:02,760
妳們知道吧?

335
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,960
天啊

336
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:12,840
各位

337
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:18,320
山稜崗的女孩們!
我們保持冷靜!這只是山洪暴發

338
00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:22,080
佩佩,我們就在山頂上

339
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:25,240
–我想我們不是嗑嗨了
–不是,超好笑,是吧?

340
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:31,320
操!

341
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:36,800
不行,妳要做什麼?

342
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:39,640
得有人幫她們,她們嗑藥嗑昏頭了

343
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,680
水中可能有病菌之類的

344
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:45,760
從醫學上來說
這不是好主意,對吧?瑞妮

345
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:50,640
對,從醫學上來說,不要下水

346
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,800
–沒關係
–佐伊

347
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,240
等一下,莎絲

348
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:01,040
好,謝謝

349
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:05,880
過來

350
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:13,920
我太年輕又太美...

351
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:25,200
不要拋下我們,我好怕!

352
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:29,080
我剛剛放屁了

353
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:31,200
我想我們不能下水

354
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:41,000
–我有個辦法
–梅莉就跟在我後面

355
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:42,680
是吊鐘花,不是鮭魚

356
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:43,880
閉嘴,珊蒂

357
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:46,120
各位!安靜!

358
00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:49,200
身為前學生會會長,最佳行動方案

359
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,560
就是把她們留在上面,等水退去

360
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,960
等等,佩佩
妳不是學生會代理會長嗎?

361
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,560
別這樣叫我

362
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,600
妳還要說什麼嗎?我還記得妳的綽號

363
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:03,200
對,不要那樣叫她

364
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:07,200
好,我找不到我的包包了
也沒有人幫我找

365
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:11,040
–那不是最重要的事
–現在包包很重要

366
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:12,440
我有個辦法

367
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,720
如果我們把所有氣球都綁在一起

368
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:20,960
並將擱板桌放在某種漂浮裝置上呢?

369
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:25,200
抱歉,妳是誰?

370
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:27,480
蘿拉康寧安

371
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:29,040
等等,妳不是死了嗎?

372
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:31,640
沒有

373
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:36,080
對,妳死了
我們在涼亭放了一塊紀念牌之類的

374
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:37,240
那真好

375
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:38,880
但我沒有死

376
00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:43,880
妳們發現沒葬禮時
還沒反應過來嗎?

377
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,360
這表示沒人來參加我的葬禮

378
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:51,840
–唉呀,對不起,凱特琳
–我叫蘿拉

379
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:53,840
籃網球會更有浮力

380
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:57,440
那我們何不到體育室
蒐集所有籃網球呢?

381
00:24:57,440 --> 00:25:01,720
還有找到我的包包
那是達米兒牌的...

382
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,240
–佐伊...
–籃網球!我們走

383
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:11,040
–我做不到
–妳可以的

384
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,920
像我一樣把妳的大屁股往下移

385
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:17,000
去妳的,泰根,不是所有人
都跟妳一樣有男人的手臂

386
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,200
去妳的,妳就留在那裡

387
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,840
–相信妳自己!
–不要恐慌!

388
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,920
放慢妳的呼吸,這會有幫助!

389
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:26,160
–佐伊
–開始往下爬,梅根

390
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:28,680
佐伊,妳說過什麼地面裂開的事?

391
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:30,800
如果有海豚咬人怎麼辦?

392
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,040
–什麼?
–我...

393
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:35,160
妳之前說地面有水湧出來
是什麼意思?

394
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:36,920
海豹已經不在了

395
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,320
可以等一下再說嗎?我很忙

396
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,200
不是海豹,是咬人的海豚!

397
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:43,800
–她在說什麼?
–我傻眼了

398
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:44,760
佐伊

399
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,240
就是那種有豬臉的動物

400
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,800
牠們就一臉:“你好嗎?”

401
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:54,840
–佐伊,妳之前說的是什麼意思?
–閉嘴

402
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:58,280
–儒艮!
–儒艮!

403
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,440
儒艮!對,該死的儒艮!

404
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:04,760
–佐伊,拜託,有什麼湧出來?
–天啊,好啦

405
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:07,360
好嗎?到處都出現奇怪的下沉現象

406
00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:11,360
地面裂開,所有水都湧出來,好嗎?

407
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:16,440
妳知道有洪水,結果妳不想說出來?

408
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,880
什麼?我說了,我設法告訴妳

409
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,040
沒人要聽我說,妳們都以為我瘋了

410
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:24,480
像泰根一樣壓低身體!

411
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:26,680
–沒有,妳就喝得爛醉
–妳可以的

412
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:27,840
跳下來就對了!

413
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,480
很順利

414
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,560
非常順利

415
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:47,560
–說什麼?
–籃網船

416
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:50,880
籃網船...

417
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:51,920
–再來
–籃網

418
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:54,080
艾米莉亞,嘿,怎麼了?

419
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:55,640
她早就知道了

420
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:59,280
她早就知道有洪水,或有水湧出地面

421
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:01,280
如果要配合佐伊的用詞

422
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:05,920
我知道發生了一些奇怪的事
我告訴過妳們

423
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:08,440
我不知道諾亞方舟現象會出現在山上

424
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:09,880
妳早就知道?

425
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,640
–妳早就知道?
–她就自顧喝得爛醉

426
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:15,760
–等一下
–天啊,美國

427
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,840
有人知道美洲發生了什麼事嗎?

428
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:20,880
我需要康斯特伯!我的包包呢?

429
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:23,080
–那是...
–達米兒牌的

430
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:25,120
天啊,我們知道

431
00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:28,440
行行好,佐伊,妳應該大喊大叫的

432
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,480
妳欠我們40元的藥丸錢

433
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,880
妳早知道這件事又不說
就不能免費給妳

434
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,000
我早就說了!

435
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:38,880
什麼?好,對啦

436
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:41,280
我早知道發生了什麼事,但是

437
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,920
我們留在這裡而不是到外面
不是更好嗎?

438
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:49,320
我沒反覆提這件事
這對我們來說是最好的

439
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:51,840
我也算是救了大家的命

440
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:55,880
配對節目裡的那傢伙說得對

441
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:58,680
妳只是個想紅的賤人

442
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:01,160
很高興看到妳一點都沒變

443
00:28:02,360 --> 00:28:04,240
我沒變?

444
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:07,760
說得真好,珊蒂

445
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,480
我跟妳們一起回來了一晚

446
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:14,000
我就已經知道潔娜芙還是那個討厭鬼

447
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:15,520
莎絲姬亞還是那麼賤

448
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:18,000
她現在只是躲在行銷團隊的面具後面

449
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:21,640
瑞妮還是處處討好別人
菲比是工作狂

450
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:24,080
泰根和梅根,仍是毒蟲

451
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:27,840
蘿拉,坦白說,妳到底是誰?

452
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:30,800
珊蒂,妳來這裡做什麼?

453
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:34,240
妳才來這學校一年
就一直說話尖酸刻薄

454
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:35,680
妳為什麼要來?

455
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:38,280
還有妳...

456
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:41,920
妳真令人失望

457
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:46,040
妳應該是出類拔萃的

458
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:50,040
結果妳現在跟妳那該死的高中戀人

459
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,840
在不知名的鄉下種花生

460
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:56,800
老實說,如果再過十年都沒見到妳

461
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:58,480
我也沒關係

462
00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:27,000
唉呀...

463
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:34,480
把我拉起來!

464
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:40,840
阿米

465
00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:46,240
什麼?

466
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:04,600
差點忘了

467
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:28,920
唉呀!

468
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:47,640
同學會求生記

469
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:13,760
字幕翻譯:黃雪英

470
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:15,840
創意監督 謝慧霓