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[ethereal music plays]
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[children playing]
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Nothing says you're in your early 30s
like having to worry
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00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:36,556
about how many dads you've sucked off
at a child's birthday party.
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Is everything all right over here?
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00:00:42,642 --> 00:00:44,644
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
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Well, congratulations
on being the most boring people
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00:00:48,368 --> 00:00:50,370
at this boring people convention.
9
00:00:57,016 --> 00:01:00,540
So, that, um...
That new, um, reality show,
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00:01:01,101 --> 00:01:03,603
where the-- the hot girl
has to figure out
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which hot old man
is her biological father,
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starts tonight if you wanna come around.
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I have to work.
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Well, come after.
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Maggie, I meant what I said.
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I need some space.
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You know Jonah was my last chance
to save the bar, right?
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And you ruined it.
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[stutters]
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Oh, OK. Cool apology.
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I need to answer this.
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[child screaming]
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[phone vibrates]
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Where are you going? It's cake time.
I'm trying to hurry this up
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so I can get these little freaks
out of my garden.
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- [child screams]
- This is why we enrolled Mercury
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in Buddhist meditation training
from day one.
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He hasn't screamed once,
not since birth.
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- Can I--
- Hurry up.
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- Hello?
- WOMAN: Theodora Rushden?
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- Uh, speaking.
- This is Amanda,
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from the London Pregnancy Advice Centre.
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Is now a good time to talk?
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Oh, yeah, all good.
35
00:02:03,283 --> 00:02:05,625
I can see here
you're in need of an abortion.
36
00:02:05,725 --> 00:02:08,708
We can actually provide the pills
necessary for this via post,
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we just need the date
of your last period?
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Cool.
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So, what was the date
of your last period?
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Uh, right, um,
can I give you an estimate?
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- No.
- OK, then I do not know.
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Sorry, but, like,
nobody knows that stuff.
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Most people use period tracking apps.
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And give the government
my period data. No thanks.
45
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Right, well, in that case,
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we'll need you to come in
for a scan, first.
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- Fine.
- The next available scan in London
48
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- is in a month.
- What?
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00:02:37,917 --> 00:02:41,341
No, I can't wait a month.
I threw up on the tube this morning
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and a bit went in a woman's bag,
I didn't tell her.
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Yesterday, I cried when I saw a banana
lying alone on a table.
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Prior to that,
I hadn't cried in eight years.
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I'm sorry. I could get you into a clinic
in Carlisle next week,
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- if you know anyone in Carlisle?
- Is that a country?
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Otherwise, you could always go private,
if you can afford that.
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They can do the scan and pills
on the same day.
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00:03:01,621 --> 00:03:04,824
Fine. Well, thanks for nothing, I guess.
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- No offence.
- I've heard worse.
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[exhales deeply]
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[light music playing]
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[sighs]
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Oh, fuck it.
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[pop music playing]
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[door slams]
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Hi, hi. Um, just wondering
if you have any appointments for today?
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Hey, girlie.
You here to exercise your rights?
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Uh... I'm sorry?
68
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I'm Kaz, I'm a GIRLBORSH consultant.
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- You're a doctor?
- [chuckles] No, not at all.
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No. My degree's in media.
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Hey, girlie.
You here to exercise your rights?
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- You said that bit.
- Sorry, it's my first week.
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Um... I'm here to take you
from preggo to fabbo.
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Here at GIRLBORSH,
we celebrate your right to choose.
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- Can I get you a virgin mojito?
- No, I'm in a bit of a rush,
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- so if we could just--
- Totally, you gotta hustle.
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[chuckles] You gotta slay.
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You gotta-- gotta work.
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So, you're here to have
a medical aborsh.
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Medical abortion, yes.
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But, um, apparently,
I need the scan thingy, too,
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- cos I don't know when my last period was.
- Been there.
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I haven't been there.
I'm not-- I don't have them.
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Um...
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Yes, we'll get that scan
done for you, today,
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then we'll just, you know,
take it from there.
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Do you have a 'borsh buddy with you?
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- Uh, sorry?
- Um, we encourage our patients
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to bring a bestie and make a day of it.
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You could, uh,
grab a cocktail afterwards.
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Depending on whether you have
an averse reaction
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- to the first pill.
- Can that happen?
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Are you interested in our Rad-Pad bundle?
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Um, it's ££50 extra,
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but you get 20 of our famously comfy
GIRLBORSH pads.
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They're especially designed
to soak up all the, um...
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- ...stuff.
- Uh, no, just the basic package
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- for me, I think.
- [chuckles awkwardly]
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- And no bestie?
- No bestie.
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Well, before we go any further,
I will need to take payment,
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which comes to £799.
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[card reader chimes]
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Do you take Klarna?
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No.
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I don't have £800 in my bank account.
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Nobody does, that would be mental.
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But I can get the money.
I can get 800 measly pounds.
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Maybe I can't save my bar,
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but I can get 800,
and I will, yeah?
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You just watch me.
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Trisha...
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- KLENT: Hey, do you have any Bepanthen?
- What?
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Or coconut oil or something?
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This thing is just super dry.
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What the--
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- Where's all the cash?
- Uh, we're cashless, Eddie.
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Jay set it up the other week.
Seriously, some coconut oil, please.
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- I had no idea you were religious, Klent.
- I'm not.
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Why have you got prayer hands
tattooed on your neck, then?
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- This is the clapping emoji, look!
- OK, I don't have time for this.
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There's Vaseline in the lost and found.
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Ugh, why does everything cost money?
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Why don't we have cheat codes,
like in the Sims?
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Ooh, d'you think
this is worth anything?
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00:07:03,663 --> 00:07:06,506
No, my mother would laugh you out
of her antique dealership.
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[sighs] You know,
prayer isn't just for the religious.
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That tattoo artist lied to me.
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Sure, mate.
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You called. Well, you texted.
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Hey, buddy. My little pal,
my sunshine man!
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[laughing] Wow, hi!
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We haven't shared a hug
since our GCSE results day.
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- Not that I'm tracking hugs.
- [chuckles]
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- Thank you for coming down.
- It's fine!
135
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My boss is always like,
"Get a life, Will!"
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So, he didn't mind.
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So, I have a favour to ask.
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Yeah, anything. As long as it doesn't
involve the word, "Jonah."
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Uh...
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The beer fridge,
it's making that buzzing sound, again.
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Not again! That rascal.
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- What are these?
- Oh, your brother was in earlier.
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He was wearing the most
beautifully cut suit.
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- Fast forward to the info.
- He had some contract
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he wanted you to sign,
he said to call him.
146
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Maybe it was "crawl him?"
I couldn't hear over my cranial massage.
147
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- And the flyers!
- Oh, my God, I'm getting to it.
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It was something to do with your mum.
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"Join us for the launch of Necks by Clara,
at an independent designer showcase."
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- Oh, God. Her weird scarf thing.
- What weird scarf thing?
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My mum started a range
of designer skinny scarves.
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She makes them out of...
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...wider scarves.
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00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:43,663
She sent me several
deranged texts about it.
155
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Hm, I wonder who's paying for that.
156
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Hm, probably the usual.
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Some old prick with too much...
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...money.
159
00:08:53,292 --> 00:08:55,294
So, you're really gonna sell the bar?
160
00:08:56,295 --> 00:08:58,838
Not necessarily.
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♪ Oh, it's the bag for me
Gotta get that money, honey ♪
162
00:09:02,181 --> 00:09:05,364
♪ Oh, it's the bag for me
Gotta hustle on ♪
163
00:09:05,464 --> 00:09:08,648
♪ Oh, it's the bag for me
Gotta get that money, honey ♪
164
00:09:08,748 --> 00:09:10,990
♪ Oh, it's the bag for me... ♪
165
00:09:23,122 --> 00:09:25,625
OK, just to thin the herd a bit,
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00:09:25,725 --> 00:09:27,827
if you're currently
under police investigation
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00:09:27,927 --> 00:09:29,829
for sexual assault of any kind,
168
00:09:29,929 --> 00:09:31,931
just please, count yourself out.
169
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Time to channel Mummy.
170
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I hate materialism.
I don't even have a smartphone.
171
00:09:43,783 --> 00:09:45,805
- Next.
- I love refugees.
172
00:09:45,905 --> 00:09:48,788
- [scoffs] No.
- I just think women are so brave.
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00:09:49,869 --> 00:09:52,812
None of us will ever be truly happy
until we've defeated capitalism.
174
00:09:52,912 --> 00:09:54,333
Get the fuck out of here.
175
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[groans]
176
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Fuck.
177
00:09:59,839 --> 00:10:02,682
You have a rescue dog?
Get outta here.
178
00:10:03,482 --> 00:10:05,484
What has happened to these people?
179
00:10:07,606 --> 00:10:09,789
[sighs]
180
00:10:09,889 --> 00:10:11,931
[dance music playing]
181
00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:18,437
Finally.
182
00:10:18,537 --> 00:10:19,839
Clive?
183
00:10:19,939 --> 00:10:21,480
No, Clyde.
184
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:23,582
It's short for Archibald.
185
00:10:25,344 --> 00:10:27,466
And what is it you do, Clyde?
186
00:10:27,947 --> 00:10:31,010
I'm an entrepreneur.
I happen to own a business nearby,
187
00:10:31,110 --> 00:10:33,332
and thought it might be good
for company morale
188
00:10:33,432 --> 00:10:35,875
to bring my employees out
for a couple of Magnums.
189
00:10:36,475 --> 00:10:38,658
OK, and, uh, one more question.
190
00:10:38,758 --> 00:10:42,381
Honestly, I can work with a yes
or a no on this. Are you married?
191
00:10:42,481 --> 00:10:43,623
Not at present.
192
00:10:43,723 --> 00:10:45,905
Eddie, I'm a romantic at heart.
193
00:10:46,005 --> 00:10:49,148
I have gone on the adventure of matrimony
with five beautiful,
194
00:10:49,248 --> 00:10:51,711
but, ultimately, disappointing women.
195
00:10:51,811 --> 00:10:55,414
And now, I'm looking for a sixth.
196
00:10:58,017 --> 00:10:59,238
Uno mas.
197
00:10:59,338 --> 00:11:01,080
I just thought it was deeply unfair
198
00:11:01,180 --> 00:11:03,643
that people blamed me
for being on those flight logs.
199
00:11:03,743 --> 00:11:05,605
I mean, it was a business trip!
200
00:11:05,705 --> 00:11:07,046
I barely even knew Jeffrey.
201
00:11:07,146 --> 00:11:09,368
- Oh, haters gonna hate.
- Exactly!
202
00:11:09,468 --> 00:11:11,811
- Uh, I'd better get back to my employees.
- Oh...
203
00:11:11,911 --> 00:11:14,453
Come with me.
Make them feel valued for five minutes,
204
00:11:14,553 --> 00:11:17,697
- then we can go for dinner at my club.
- Yeah! Let's do that.
205
00:11:17,797 --> 00:11:19,799
Yeah!
206
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,342
- Everyone, this is Ellie.
- No, it's Eddie.
207
00:11:23,442 --> 00:11:26,125
Yeah, no, it's fine.
Hi, um, I'm Ellie, nice to m--
208
00:11:28,607 --> 00:11:30,890
You've gotta be fucking kidding me!
209
00:11:31,370 --> 00:11:33,793
I mean, God forbid, for once in my life,
210
00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:35,715
I try the easy way out, right?
211
00:11:35,815 --> 00:11:39,358
God forbid I try to rely on
my perfect face and arse for once.
212
00:11:39,458 --> 00:11:42,341
But no, no, no.
I'll keep doing things the hard way.
213
00:11:43,102 --> 00:11:44,443
As you were.
214
00:11:44,543 --> 00:11:46,165
Good luck with the Epstein stuff.
215
00:11:46,265 --> 00:11:48,327
And I'll see you next week.
216
00:11:48,427 --> 00:11:50,429
See you next week.
217
00:11:53,232 --> 00:11:57,096
You look weird.
Have you been at a new money wedding?
218
00:11:57,196 --> 00:11:59,398
Do I look like I'm in the mood, Klent?
219
00:12:00,199 --> 00:12:02,201
[sighs]
220
00:12:04,243 --> 00:12:07,246
Ew! Eddie, that is so unhygienic!
221
00:12:07,726 --> 00:12:09,728
- [door opens]
- MAGGIE: Do you need a hand?
222
00:12:11,771 --> 00:12:14,113
No, thank you. I can manage.
223
00:12:14,213 --> 00:12:16,215
I'd beg to differ.
224
00:12:18,257 --> 00:12:20,359
What do you want, Maggie?
225
00:12:20,459 --> 00:12:23,602
- Oh, I-- I'm just, um--
- When I said I needed some time apart,
226
00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:26,686
- I meant more than a couple of days.
- Ouch!
227
00:12:26,786 --> 00:12:28,888
Can you go away?
228
00:12:28,988 --> 00:12:31,891
You're always asking me to leave,
and then you're so pissed off
229
00:12:31,991 --> 00:12:33,532
when I'm, like, 40 minutes late.
230
00:12:33,632 --> 00:12:35,634
Pick a thing.
231
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,042
I, um...
232
00:12:43,602 --> 00:12:46,906
I thought-- I-- I left my copy
of The Da Vinci Code here,
233
00:12:47,006 --> 00:12:50,269
like, um... Ooh, like, six years ago,
234
00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:51,791
and I just, um...
235
00:12:51,891 --> 00:12:54,053
I just-- I just really wanted to read it.
236
00:12:55,454 --> 00:12:57,456
Haven't seen it.
237
00:12:57,817 --> 00:12:59,318
Huh.
238
00:12:59,418 --> 00:13:01,420
That's weird.
239
00:13:08,147 --> 00:13:10,149
Well, um...
240
00:13:11,630 --> 00:13:13,632
- If it turns up--
- Yep.
241
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:22,661
[door opens]
242
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,763
- [sighs]
- [phone vibrates]
243
00:13:32,091 --> 00:13:34,633
I might actually hang myself
with a skinny scarf.
244
00:13:34,733 --> 00:13:36,976
[soft music playing]
245
00:13:40,139 --> 00:13:42,141
WOMAN: Weenie!
246
00:13:42,541 --> 00:13:45,364
Gosh! I didn't know you were coming.
247
00:13:45,464 --> 00:13:48,287
You didn't reply to any of my messages.
248
00:13:48,387 --> 00:13:50,049
Aren't you tricky?
249
00:13:50,149 --> 00:13:52,171
- Hi, Mum.
- So...
250
00:13:52,271 --> 00:13:55,354
...what do you think of my creations?
251
00:13:55,875 --> 00:13:57,877
Yeah, they're really...
252
00:13:59,959 --> 00:14:02,301
- ...scarves.
- Thank you, darling.
253
00:14:02,401 --> 00:14:05,364
Look, I have, um, a favour to ask.
254
00:14:06,045 --> 00:14:08,307
- I need to borrow some money.
- Weenie... [sighs]
255
00:14:08,407 --> 00:14:10,409
So horribly forthright.
256
00:14:10,769 --> 00:14:12,972
Jay told me you were selling
your little bar.
257
00:14:13,372 --> 00:14:15,995
- Why on Earth would you need money?
- You know about that?
258
00:14:16,095 --> 00:14:19,258
- Thanks for checking up on me.
- Darling, I've been exceptionally busy.
259
00:14:20,019 --> 00:14:24,123
Listen, do you have much
high-end retail experience?
260
00:14:24,223 --> 00:14:26,645
- Um...
- It's just, I need to go with the flow,
261
00:14:26,745 --> 00:14:30,549
talk to the press, that kind of thing,
so if you could just man the stall...
262
00:14:31,670 --> 00:14:33,672
...we could talk about that favour, later.
263
00:14:35,234 --> 00:14:36,615
Yeah, I'd love to.
264
00:14:36,715 --> 00:14:38,717
[light chuckle]
265
00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:43,422
[exhales deeply]
266
00:14:43,522 --> 00:14:46,365
But, why are they £100?
267
00:14:46,805 --> 00:14:48,587
Well, they're skinnier than you'll find
268
00:14:48,687 --> 00:14:50,629
with your usual high street
skinny scarves.
269
00:14:50,729 --> 00:14:52,731
OK, forget it.
270
00:14:53,772 --> 00:14:55,634
[scoffs] Nice of you to show up.
271
00:14:55,734 --> 00:14:58,397
I've been at this pathetic craft fair
for an hour already.
272
00:14:58,497 --> 00:15:01,080
I had to pick up my mate,
Leanne, from Streatham.
273
00:15:01,180 --> 00:15:03,883
Mum asked me to bring a celebrity,
so Leanne's gonna pretend
274
00:15:03,983 --> 00:15:06,205
she was on the last series
of Love Island.
275
00:15:06,305 --> 00:15:08,307
[gasps]
276
00:15:11,230 --> 00:15:14,153
- I've also brought the contract with me.
- Can you back off?
277
00:15:14,713 --> 00:15:16,715
I-- I need a minute.
278
00:15:22,921 --> 00:15:24,423
[toilet flushes]
279
00:15:24,523 --> 00:15:27,246
[gasps] Oh, Christ! Weenie!
280
00:15:28,167 --> 00:15:30,529
You could've declared yourself
or something.
281
00:15:31,290 --> 00:15:33,552
You're always so spooky.
282
00:15:33,652 --> 00:15:35,654
Sorry.
283
00:15:39,858 --> 00:15:41,860
Well, in you go, then, darling.
284
00:15:42,181 --> 00:15:45,885
I can listen to you wee,
I did give birth to you.
285
00:15:45,985 --> 00:15:47,806
Yeah, and, erm,
286
00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:50,389
as compensation
for that regrettable error,
287
00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:53,412
can we talk about me borrowing some money?
288
00:15:53,512 --> 00:15:55,514
[sighs]
289
00:15:57,916 --> 00:15:59,918
How much do you need?
290
00:16:00,279 --> 00:16:02,281
800 quid.
291
00:16:05,404 --> 00:16:07,406
[sighs] Actually, Mum...
292
00:16:08,967 --> 00:16:10,969
I don't wanna sell the bar.
293
00:16:11,290 --> 00:16:15,554
And I know it's a lot,
and we haven't always been close,
294
00:16:15,654 --> 00:16:18,998
we've had our differences,
but... I thought maybe you could--
295
00:16:19,098 --> 00:16:21,480
Oh, Weenie.
I hope you're not about to ask
296
00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:23,282
what I think you're about to ask.
297
00:16:23,382 --> 00:16:26,165
I'm a new business owner,
I'm practically destitute.
298
00:16:26,265 --> 00:16:29,768
- You own a townhouse in Primrose Hill.
- Which I inherited
299
00:16:29,868 --> 00:16:32,972
when my parents died, Weenie,
thank you so much for the reminder.
300
00:16:33,072 --> 00:16:36,976
Do you want me to hurl myself
into the street so you can keep your bar?
301
00:16:37,076 --> 00:16:39,758
- Dad's bar, yes.
- Weenie...
302
00:16:40,319 --> 00:16:42,581
That place was an albatross
around your father's neck,
303
00:16:42,681 --> 00:16:45,384
and to be quite frank,
led directly to our divorce.
304
00:16:45,484 --> 00:16:47,666
Oh, the bar caused the divorce, did it?
305
00:16:47,766 --> 00:16:50,029
Not your affair with Jamie Theakston?
306
00:16:50,129 --> 00:16:51,870
Alleged affair with Jamie Theakston.
307
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:53,953
Clara, you owe me!
308
00:16:54,053 --> 00:16:55,674
I owe you what?
309
00:16:55,774 --> 00:16:57,676
I lifetime's worth of giving a shit!
310
00:16:57,776 --> 00:17:00,139
Why are you doing this on my big day?
311
00:17:02,261 --> 00:17:05,724
I don't even know why I asked you.
Just shows how desperate I am.
312
00:17:05,824 --> 00:17:07,886
You can forget about that 800 quid!
313
00:17:07,986 --> 00:17:09,988
You ungrateful little...
314
00:17:11,870 --> 00:17:15,954
This is what I think of your scarves.
315
00:17:17,076 --> 00:17:19,078
- [wretches loudly]
- Oh, my--
316
00:17:19,998 --> 00:17:22,441
[breathing heavily]
317
00:17:24,883 --> 00:17:27,806
I mean, any normal scarf
would be at least twice this thick.
318
00:17:34,653 --> 00:17:38,597
So, I heard there was a major
skinny scarf launch here, today,
319
00:17:38,697 --> 00:17:40,699
and... I couldn't miss it.
320
00:17:42,060 --> 00:17:44,783
Because Clara told me I couldn't.
321
00:17:50,709 --> 00:17:52,711
You OK?
322
00:17:53,192 --> 00:17:54,893
[glass clinking]
323
00:17:54,993 --> 00:17:56,995
Where did she get champagne?
324
00:17:57,876 --> 00:18:01,420
I always knew I was destined
for great things.
325
00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:03,502
I mean, I've already achieved so much.
326
00:18:03,602 --> 00:18:07,186
I don't like to mention it,
but I was signed to Storm,
327
00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:09,748
before Kate Moss was even
a twinkle in their eye,
328
00:18:09,848 --> 00:18:12,031
and some still say
I was the better model.
329
00:18:12,131 --> 00:18:15,614
[chuckles] Oh, and of course,
I was once engaged to Mick Jagger...
330
00:18:17,136 --> 00:18:19,138
...'s manager.
331
00:18:19,578 --> 00:18:22,201
I'll sign if you PayPal me £800,
right now.
332
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:26,525
CLARA: But, my real achievement...
333
00:18:26,625 --> 00:18:28,927
Make it £900, I'll need a Deliveroo.
334
00:18:29,027 --> 00:18:31,150
[shouts] ...has been my gorgeous children,
335
00:18:32,351 --> 00:18:34,213
who are here today.
336
00:18:34,313 --> 00:18:37,216
You know, people are always assuming
Theodora's my sister.
337
00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:39,398
[chuckles] I mean, isn't that funny?
338
00:18:40,919 --> 00:18:43,602
- [chuckles]
- Done. No more bar.
339
00:18:44,323 --> 00:18:49,388
But, I've always been
a real entrepreneur at heart,
340
00:18:49,488 --> 00:18:52,531
something I'm so pleased
to see reflected...
341
00:18:53,892 --> 00:18:56,054
...in both Theodora and Janus.
342
00:18:56,655 --> 00:18:58,477
- [sighs]
- [chuckles] You see,
343
00:18:58,577 --> 00:19:02,321
they inherited this funny little bar
from their father,
344
00:19:02,421 --> 00:19:07,466
and Weenie has sweetly
kept it going for a few years.
345
00:19:07,866 --> 00:19:11,430
[chuckles softly]
But, I am so proud to hear...
346
00:19:12,311 --> 00:19:16,014
...they've sold it to a developer,
who's gonna knock it all down
347
00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:19,017
and turn it into
some gorgeous luxury flats.
348
00:19:19,117 --> 00:19:21,480
Isn't that fabulous?
349
00:19:22,801 --> 00:19:24,423
- What?
- I was gonna tell you--
350
00:19:24,523 --> 00:19:26,905
- Luxury shitting flats?
- Eddie, please.
351
00:19:27,005 --> 00:19:28,987
Not at the Independent Designers Showcase.
352
00:19:29,087 --> 00:19:32,431
It's a fucking craft fair, Clara!
353
00:19:32,531 --> 00:19:35,254
- Jesus, Eddie, come on.
- Get the fuck off me, Jay.
354
00:19:36,895 --> 00:19:38,897
Eddie...
355
00:19:39,658 --> 00:19:42,201
- Eddie, come, can we-- No.
- Tear up that contract!
356
00:19:42,301 --> 00:19:44,243
- What do you mean, "No"?
- Come on, Eddie.
357
00:19:44,343 --> 00:19:46,285
What have you done to keep that bar?
358
00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:48,207
Applied for a business loan?
A mortgage?
359
00:19:48,307 --> 00:19:51,089
Face it, you want it sold
as much as I do.
360
00:19:51,189 --> 00:19:53,572
- Bullshit!
- It was never your dream, it was Dad's!
361
00:19:53,672 --> 00:19:57,296
You were gonna be a fancy lawyer
who lived in a mansion in California.
362
00:19:57,396 --> 00:19:59,818
That wasn't real,
I was just obsessed with The OC.
363
00:19:59,918 --> 00:20:02,341
OK, but the point is,
your world was so big,
364
00:20:02,441 --> 00:20:05,063
and then Dad died, and... it shrunk.
365
00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:07,186
Oh, but you've processed Dad's death
really well.
366
00:20:07,286 --> 00:20:08,867
How's the apocalypse bunker going?
367
00:20:08,967 --> 00:20:11,029
Got enough baked beans in there, yet?
368
00:20:11,129 --> 00:20:14,993
Fine, I'll say it if you say it.
I'm a bit fucked up.
369
00:20:15,093 --> 00:20:17,095
Now, you go.
370
00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:20,178
No?
371
00:20:21,580 --> 00:20:25,223
You know, you have the worst case
of martyr syndrome that I have ever seen.
372
00:20:26,064 --> 00:20:28,167
When are you gonna start living for you?
373
00:20:28,267 --> 00:20:30,289
- You're being really dramatic.
- Am I?
374
00:20:30,389 --> 00:20:32,371
- And what about Maggie?
- What about Maggie?
375
00:20:32,471 --> 00:20:34,893
Well, she needs you.
She'd fall apart without you,
376
00:20:34,993 --> 00:20:36,455
and that makes you feel good.
377
00:20:36,555 --> 00:20:38,897
It's called friendship, Jay.
378
00:20:38,997 --> 00:20:40,659
I'm sorry if you don't recognise it
379
00:20:40,759 --> 00:20:42,941
because we don't
wank onto biscuits together,
380
00:20:43,041 --> 00:20:46,124
but Maggie has always,
always been there for me.
381
00:20:47,125 --> 00:20:49,868
Unlike some prematurely balding
dickheads that I know.
382
00:20:49,968 --> 00:20:52,591
All right, tell me, Eddie.
What happens when you no longer
383
00:20:52,691 --> 00:20:54,393
have anyone or anything to look after?
384
00:20:54,493 --> 00:20:56,495
What happens then?
385
00:20:58,096 --> 00:21:01,200
Fuck you, and fuck your dirty money!
386
00:21:01,300 --> 00:21:03,722
What are you ripping up?
I sent it on PayPal.
387
00:21:03,822 --> 00:21:06,164
Eat shit, Janus!
388
00:21:06,264 --> 00:21:08,266
[panting]
389
00:21:12,431 --> 00:21:14,172
Oh, sick, you're here.
390
00:21:14,272 --> 00:21:16,835
Hey... can I go home?
391
00:21:17,476 --> 00:21:20,098
It's bad for my ADHD
to be under-stimulated like this.
392
00:21:20,198 --> 00:21:22,261
- You don't have ADHD.
- Uh, I do.
393
00:21:22,361 --> 00:21:24,022
A guy on TikTok said so.
394
00:21:24,122 --> 00:21:26,124
Just go, yeah?
395
00:21:28,487 --> 00:21:31,710
Hi, sorry. We're having to close early
and immediately,
396
00:21:31,810 --> 00:21:34,853
because the mayor just died.
397
00:21:36,455 --> 00:21:38,457
[indie music playing]
398
00:21:40,218 --> 00:21:43,902
♪ There's a crack in the sky ♪
399
00:21:44,823 --> 00:21:48,106
♪ But because heaven opened up ♪
400
00:21:48,867 --> 00:21:52,591
♪ Peer inside of your mind's eye ♪
401
00:21:53,752 --> 00:21:57,596
♪ Wondering who called the ambulance ♪
402
00:21:58,477 --> 00:22:03,962
♪ Drowning face up
and drifting in a shallow pool ♪
403
00:22:09,488 --> 00:22:10,669
[knock at door]
404
00:22:10,769 --> 00:22:12,771
Closed.
405
00:22:13,331 --> 00:22:15,333
[louder knocking]
406
00:22:27,386 --> 00:22:29,388
She made me buy these.
407
00:22:30,589 --> 00:22:33,632
£290.
408
00:22:34,553 --> 00:22:38,316
Got a £10 family and friend
discount, so...
409
00:22:39,678 --> 00:22:41,680
Come in.
410
00:22:44,723 --> 00:22:46,425
You really need to cut Clara out.
411
00:22:46,525 --> 00:22:48,907
Cutting my dad out
was my best ever decision.
412
00:22:49,007 --> 00:22:52,190
Yeah, I'd love to, but she'd probably
do something like sue me
413
00:22:52,290 --> 00:22:54,292
for emotional neglect.
414
00:22:59,217 --> 00:23:01,079
- I hate saying sorry.
- I know.
415
00:23:01,179 --> 00:23:04,082
But I am. I directed all my anger
at Jay and Jonah
416
00:23:04,182 --> 00:23:06,845
and the bog of poo I'm in
at you, and I...
417
00:23:06,945 --> 00:23:08,687
I shouldn't have.
418
00:23:08,787 --> 00:23:10,789
It's OK.
419
00:23:13,592 --> 00:23:15,894
- This week, I've been feeling really--
- I know.
420
00:23:15,994 --> 00:23:17,576
Lonely, abandoned, you miss me.
421
00:23:17,676 --> 00:23:20,238
I'm-- I'm a fucking dick, and I...
422
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:23,121
[crying] ...I missed you.
423
00:23:26,084 --> 00:23:28,166
[crying]
424
00:23:33,492 --> 00:23:35,494
Oh...
425
00:23:36,775 --> 00:23:38,397
I lost the bar.
426
00:23:38,497 --> 00:23:40,499
I know. I'm sorry.
427
00:23:41,299 --> 00:23:43,161
And I'm fucking pregnant.
428
00:23:43,261 --> 00:23:45,824
- What? Why?
- Not on purpose.
429
00:23:46,304 --> 00:23:48,907
I need £799 for a quick abortion.
430
00:23:49,387 --> 00:23:51,890
- Can you lend it to me?
- Yeah, of course. Obviously.
431
00:23:51,990 --> 00:23:54,413
I need you to come with me,
cos it's weird,
432
00:23:54,513 --> 00:23:57,175
it's pink in there,
I can't face it on my own.
433
00:23:57,275 --> 00:24:00,499
I need you to help me get rid
of the stuff in here,
434
00:24:00,599 --> 00:24:02,781
pack up my flat,
find somewhere new to live.
435
00:24:02,881 --> 00:24:05,303
I need help, Maggie.
I need you to help me.
436
00:24:05,403 --> 00:24:06,985
Is that OK?
437
00:24:07,085 --> 00:24:08,547
Can you do that for me?
438
00:24:08,647 --> 00:24:10,649
[eerie music playing]
439
00:24:14,613 --> 00:24:16,715
You're fucked, mate.
440
00:24:16,815 --> 00:24:17,916
Of course I can.
441
00:24:18,016 --> 00:24:20,158
[children laughing]
442
00:24:20,258 --> 00:24:22,260
I'm in a really good place.
443
00:24:25,423 --> 00:24:27,746
[indie music playing]