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["IPHONE" by Rico Nasty playing]
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♪ This time won't be nothing
like the last one ♪
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♪ Smoking so much gas
I forgot to put my mask on ♪
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♪ I shine with the lights off
He hates when I don't call ♪
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♪ Two months without me
Guess you're having withdrawals ♪
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♪ He on my hip like a Tamagotchi ♪
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♪ Leave a heart on my wall
so I can know you like me ♪
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♪ I'm important, can't be seen
with just anybody ♪
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♪ We was late, but we still
pulled up to the party ♪
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Hey, st-- Um...
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Do you want this?
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Yeah.
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- Hi!
- Whose scooter is that, Maggie?
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Mine, I bought it after watching
a particularly persuasive TikTok ad.
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- And you've just given it away.
- Honestly, Eddie, I just saw myself on it
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reflected in a shop window,
it was a rude awakening.
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- It had to go.
- Oh, shit. Question eight.
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Which day of the week is the worst?
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- We hate scooter people.
- I know, but, like, the environment?
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You don't care about the environment,
you said all humans
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- deserve to burn to death.
- Only because I'd just
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had that really weird haircut.
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- You seem better.
- Yeah, I'm having the best week.
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- I went to a spin class, yesterday.
- What?
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I left ten minutes in, cos the instructor
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kept playing Ed Sheeran dance remixes,
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but, like, the intention was there.
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Anyways, I need you to take
tomorrow off work.
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I've got too much going on here.
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Look, it's important!
My old school want me to come back
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and do a talk for their little drama club,
isn't that cute?
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- Must've read the reviews of my play.
- The two-star reviews?
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The state of the education system
in this country is dire. They need me.
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As a former student
working professionally in theatre,
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I thought I could
come in and do a talk,
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cos I'm gonna be in town, anyways.
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They practically begged me, Eddie.
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So, I need you to drive me to East Sussex.
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Question nine. Who did I vote for
in the 2002 Pop Idol final,
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- Gareth Gates or Will Young?
- Can you stop asking questions?
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No, I can't, people have
paid good money for this pub quiz.
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And by "people," do you mean
two underage goths
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- and Will?
- At least Will showed up on time.
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- Maybe he's my number one bestie.
- You take that back.
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Maggie, I love that you suddenly
seem to believe children are the future,
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but you hate public speaking.
When you gave that speech
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at Anya's wedding, you shook so hard,
someone asked me
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- if you were detoxing from heroin.
- But this is a tiny group of kids.
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- Drama nerds, I bet.
- I don't get why you'd travel there.
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- That school did a lot.
- Everyone took the piss
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- out of your accent.
- I had some amazing teachers.
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I had this one history teacher
in particular,
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he was just really... inspirational.
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[smooth R'n'B music plays]
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He kind of changed my life.
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And I think he still works there,
so maybe I could, like, thank him.
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Sorry, were you visited in the night
by three ghosts?
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- Where is this benevolence coming from?
- Look, I'm turning 30 soon,
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and I want to be a good person.
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I am a good person, actually.
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I just wanna project that goodness more,
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and you can project your goodness more
by driving me there.
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- Who'll look after the bar?
- That manager you just hired.
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What's his name?
The wanky earring guy.
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The BMX doesn't have gears,
you just kind of set it up...
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- Him. What's his name?
- I think it's Klent?
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- There's no way it's Klent.
- I think it is.
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- He can't look after the bar on his own.
- Hey, Eddie!
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Can I take a quick 60?
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Jen, over there,
has never seen a BMX before,
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and I am gonna pop her cherry.
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Uh, no, you can't.
Go and clean the loos.
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What?
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How?
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Fuck's sake.
Just get on with it.
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KLENT: Don't be scary!
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-"How?" Ah.
- His dad's an earl.
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It's like working with the little
sheltered boy from The Secret Garden.
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Question ten. What's the name of the
little sheltered boy
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- from The Secret Garden?
- Colin!
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I'm convinced he's never
had a real job before.
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But, I need him to lure
the other fuckboys in.
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The fuckboy pound
has become surprisingly strong,
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since they all
became social media managers.
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Great quiz this week, Eddie.
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Some really thought provoking
questions in there.
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- Tell me, the day of the week question.
- Mm.
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Are we talking worst,
as in, least enjoyable?
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- Or, are we talking--
- Hey, Eddie!
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If you come tomorrow,
I'll let you pretend to be my publicist.
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You can lie to people all day
with no consequences,
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like when you told everyone
you invented Jedward's haircut.
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[gasps]
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Can I have a fake name?
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[both singing] ♪ What's wrong?
What's wrong now? ♪
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♪ Too many, too many problems ♪
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♪ Don't know where she belongs ♪
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♪ Where she belongs ♪
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♪ She wants to go home ♪
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♪ But nobody's home ♪
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♪ Where she lies... ♪
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OK, quick stop,
and then we gotta hustle.
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Get ready for my "talk."
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I mean, you're gonna
have to give a talk.
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Yeah, I'm just gonna wing it,
they're children.
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- And what if you get the shakes?
- I won't, have some faith.
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What... the fuck?
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- What?
- That's what you're wearing
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to go to a school?
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I wanna seem like a successful lady.
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That is not a successful lady outfit.
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That is a "shag me" outfit.
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- Who are you trying to shag?
- No-one.
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That history teacher you mentioned,
what's his name?
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- I can't remember. Mr Wilson.
- Maggie.
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OK, was Mr Wilson hot?
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[sighs]
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Smoking hot.
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- Oh, my God.
- I haven't slept in a week,
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I might've overdone the concealer.
Do I look like a pale panda?
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- Maggie!
- OK! OK!
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[chuckles softly]
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Mr Wilson might me my soulmate.
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He wasn't like the other teachers,
he was funny,
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and smart and we just,
like, had this connection.
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Was Mr Wilson the teacher
who tried to molest you?
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No! Ew, that was the maths teacher,
Mr Phillips.
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It was prom night, 2008.
I'd just turned 16,
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my braces were freshly off,
and I was resplendent
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in my Debut by Debenhams dress.
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Then, Mr Phillips slithered over.
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He said I looked really grown up,
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which, let's face it, was not true.
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Then, all of a sudden,
he lurched at me
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with his gross mouth.
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But guess who saved me.
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[smooth R'n'B music plays]
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It was so intense.
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So, if it had been the history teacher
who tried it on,
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- you'd have banged him?
- Yes!
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But the crucial thing
is he didn't try it on,
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- he wouldn't shag a child.
- Wow!
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We should nominate him
for a Pride of Britain award.
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It's not beyond the realms of possibility
that we're truly meant to be together
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and we just met at the wrong time.
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[phone vibrates]
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- My brother.
- Diet Coke?
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- What's up?
- Hiya, I'm in Dalston,
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Thought I'd come by,
see how our bar's doing.
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- You about?
- I'm not.
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But I'll be back tomorrow,
if you wanna swing by.
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Ah, sorry, me and Lauren
have a deer carcass
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preparation workshop tomorrow.
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- We've had it booked for ages.
- Oh.
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- So, you're still into all that stuff?
- Um, yeah.
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I'm still into surviving
the inevitable collapse of society.
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- Call me crazy.
- I do.
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I've got to go, Jay.
Enjoy the dead deer.
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All clear. So, we've owned the bar
for nearly 12 years,
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our father owned it before.
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Hey! Let's go.
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Now, to go get my bagel.
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Oh, God, you're gonna end up
on the fucking news.
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["The Look" by Roxette playing]
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♪ Walkin' like a man
Hitting like a hammer ♪
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♪ She's a juvenile scam
Never was a quitter ♪
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♪ Tasty like a raindrop
She's got the look ♪
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♪ Heavenly bound
'Cause heaven's got her number ♪
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♪ When she's spinnin' me around
Kissin' is a colour ♪
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- ♪ Her lovin' is a wild dog... ♪
- [woman] Hi!
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I remember you,
you're the little Irish girl.
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[Irish accent] Top o' the mornin' to ya!
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Bloody hell, you've not grown
an inch, have you?
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Hiya. Maggie Donovan,
here to do a talk for Miss Finch.
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Oh, yeah,
she said something about that.
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[Irish accent] Hang on here,
while I give her a buzz.
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Do you still get
those nasty nosebleeds?
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No!
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Sometimes.
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I can't believe
you were the nosebleed kid.
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Ugh! I forgot how much I hate it here.
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God, it even smells the same.
How do you preserve a smell, like?
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I can't picture you here.
It's very Grange Hill,
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but somehow, less glamour.
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Oh, my God.
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That's him. That's Mr Phillips.
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The lurcher?
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- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God! He fucking remembers.
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He probably thinks you're here
to make a historical complaint.
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How does he still have his job here?
People saw him do the lurch.
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Mr Wilson saw him do the lurch,
and now he's his boss.
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- That's really fucked up!
- MISS FINCH: Maggie Donovan!
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- [chuckles]
- Hey!
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00:09:02,541 --> 00:09:05,685
The greatest Willy Loman
this school has ever seen.
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- Aw...
- And you're a professional actor, now.
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00:09:09,068 --> 00:09:12,331
No, um, I'm a playwright.
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Oh. Well, that's nice, too.
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00:09:16,035 --> 00:09:19,058
- Uh, this is...
- Adele Dazeem.
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00:09:19,158 --> 00:09:20,459
Maggie's publicist.
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My goodness, a publicist.
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Isn't that something?
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Now, listen, I have some fab news.
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Our principal, Mr Wilson,
you might remember him.
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Mr Wilson... [blows raspberry softly]
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- History, was it? Yeah, yeah.
- Yes! That's right!
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I told him about you coming,
and he said,
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00:09:35,214 --> 00:09:37,036
with an alumnus of your calibre,
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we shouldn't be wasting you
on the little'uns.
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00:09:39,458 --> 00:09:41,681
So, he set up an assembly
with the A-level lot.
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00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:44,443
Only 100 kids or so,
so it should be quite fun.
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00:09:44,543 --> 00:09:46,806
- What? I, uh--
- 100 teenagers?
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Like-- like, big teenagers?
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00:09:49,268 --> 00:09:51,531
Hm. I don't know if that's a great idea,
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- from a PR point of view.
- James!
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00:09:53,953 --> 00:09:55,414
She's getting cold feet.
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00:09:55,514 --> 00:09:57,596
[smooth R'n'B music plays]
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00:10:07,566 --> 00:10:10,169
Oh, that is not how I remembered him.
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Maggie Donovan.
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00:10:13,052 --> 00:10:14,954
James Wilson.
I don't know if you remember,
220
00:10:15,054 --> 00:10:17,156
but I had the pleasure
of teaching you history.
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Yes, I, um...
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Yes, I do remember. [chuckles awkwardly]
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00:10:21,460 --> 00:10:23,482
Uh, this is my--
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00:10:23,582 --> 00:10:26,245
- Adele Dazeem, publicist to the stars.
- Lovely to meet you.
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00:10:26,345 --> 00:10:31,490
So, Maggie, I hope it's all right with you
that we've expanded your audience a bit.
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00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:34,013
- Well, I-- Um...
- Come on.
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00:10:34,113 --> 00:10:35,815
The Maggie Donovan
I remember wouldn't have
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been scared of a few teenagers.
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[laughter]
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00:10:38,998 --> 00:10:41,000
Um...
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00:10:42,361 --> 00:10:44,363
Yeah, no, I'd love to.
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Great.
233
00:10:48,087 --> 00:10:50,169
[soft chuckling]
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00:10:54,734 --> 00:10:57,036
I mean... he still
has something about him.
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He does have a thing.
It's not the thing I was expecting,
236
00:11:00,139 --> 00:11:02,882
which is, like, classic good looks,
but he does have a thing,
237
00:11:02,982 --> 00:11:04,804
and he's the principal,
and that's fit.
238
00:11:04,904 --> 00:11:06,906
It is fit. It is fit!
239
00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:10,369
- However, I cannot do this assembly.
- Yeah, right.
240
00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:12,772
Because it's, like, my idea of hell.
You know, like,
241
00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:15,494
a group of 11-year-olds who don't know
their arse from their elbow
242
00:11:15,594 --> 00:11:18,658
- is one thing, but 100--
- 100 fucking hormonal nutjobs.
243
00:11:18,758 --> 00:11:20,940
And these aren't nice kids.
I went to this school,
244
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,582
- we're not fucking Hogwarts.
- You'll literally get cyber-bullied.
245
00:11:23,682 --> 00:11:26,265
They'll find your Instagram
and make fun of your selfies.
246
00:11:26,365 --> 00:11:28,227
Do you think they've read the reviews?
247
00:11:28,327 --> 00:11:30,509
Do I think these small-town teenagers
248
00:11:30,609 --> 00:11:32,952
have read the reviews of your Fringe play?
249
00:11:33,052 --> 00:11:35,554
I mean, I would say off-West End,
but I mean--
250
00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:37,677
He-- [exhales] Mr Wilson,
251
00:11:37,777 --> 00:11:39,819
he's literally just
a secondary school teacher.
252
00:11:40,659 --> 00:11:43,803
- You wanna do a runner.
- Thanks for saying it, I didn't want to.
253
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:45,164
[lively music plays]
254
00:11:45,264 --> 00:11:46,846
Ah!
255
00:11:46,946 --> 00:11:48,407
- Busted.
- Hi, we weren't leaving.
256
00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:50,249
- Well, I hope not.
- [chuckles]
257
00:11:50,349 --> 00:11:52,351
- [phone vibrates]
- That's work, sorry.
258
00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:54,894
Klent, I've told you,
if there's a spider...
259
00:11:54,994 --> 00:11:56,816
Could I, um, grab one of those?
260
00:11:56,916 --> 00:11:58,918
- Yeah, sure.
- OK.
261
00:12:06,285 --> 00:12:08,828
- Thought your generation didn't smoke.
- That's the one after us.
262
00:12:08,928 --> 00:12:11,030
We smoke, we just refuse
to drink cow's milk.
263
00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:13,132
- [chuckles] Oh, right.
- [chuckles]
264
00:12:15,895 --> 00:12:18,077
- What is it?
- [banging]
265
00:12:18,177 --> 00:12:19,959
The till's not printing receipts.
266
00:12:20,059 --> 00:12:22,361
- Shall I just close?
- [scoffs] No.
267
00:12:22,461 --> 00:12:24,964
It just needs new till roll,
it's in the office.
268
00:12:25,064 --> 00:12:28,728
Uh, Jay told me to stay out of there
while he's here with the surveyor.
269
00:12:28,828 --> 00:12:30,449
What do you mean, surveyor?
270
00:12:30,549 --> 00:12:34,213
I don't know.
I think they take surveys of things.
271
00:12:34,313 --> 00:12:36,215
- Like a questionnaire.
- No, I--
272
00:12:36,315 --> 00:12:38,818
- How did they get in there?
- I gave them a key.
273
00:12:38,918 --> 00:12:41,861
- Why did you do that?
- Uh, because keys open locks.
274
00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:43,963
[blows sharply] I'll be there soon.
275
00:12:45,564 --> 00:12:47,646
She's so badly raised.
276
00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:53,592
D'you remember me, or did you have
to look through old yearbooks?
277
00:12:53,692 --> 00:12:55,875
[chuckles] No, you're not
someone you forget in a hurry
278
00:12:55,975 --> 00:12:57,556
- Cos I was a nightmare.
- No, no.
279
00:12:57,656 --> 00:13:00,359
I saw you as a young woman
with a lot of spirit,
280
00:13:00,459 --> 00:13:03,362
a lot potential, and very little
patience for authority.
281
00:13:03,462 --> 00:13:06,525
Plus, you know, you'd just moved
to a whole new country, so...
282
00:13:06,625 --> 00:13:08,948
- Can't have been easy.
- Well, thanks for, um...
283
00:13:09,588 --> 00:13:11,290
...for being nice to me, back then.
284
00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:13,392
You were special.
285
00:13:14,874 --> 00:13:17,676
Are... special.
286
00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:20,759
Sure.
287
00:13:22,361 --> 00:13:26,465
- So, um, Mr Phillips...
- Mm.
288
00:13:26,565 --> 00:13:28,547
D'you remember what happened
with him at prom?
289
00:13:28,647 --> 00:13:30,469
Surprised to see he's still working here.
290
00:13:30,569 --> 00:13:32,571
[clears throat]
291
00:13:34,373 --> 00:13:36,375
Well, I better get back.
292
00:13:36,815 --> 00:13:38,817
Nearly time for your big moment.
293
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:43,883
[chuckles]
294
00:13:43,983 --> 00:13:46,185
[electronic music plays]
295
00:13:51,750 --> 00:13:53,752
[phone vibrates]
296
00:13:57,556 --> 00:13:59,558
[scoffs]
297
00:14:00,279 --> 00:14:02,661
- Eddie!
- There you are. We need to go.
298
00:14:02,761 --> 00:14:06,345
- My brother's snooping around the bar.
- We can't leave now, can we?
299
00:14:06,445 --> 00:14:07,947
You're doing the assembly?
300
00:14:08,047 --> 00:14:10,529
You left me with him.
301
00:14:11,170 --> 00:14:13,192
He kept looking at me with his eyes.
302
00:14:13,292 --> 00:14:15,614
Maggie, I need to go.
303
00:14:15,975 --> 00:14:17,977
You can leave straight after.
304
00:14:18,297 --> 00:14:21,300
This will take five minutes, tops.
305
00:14:21,780 --> 00:14:23,782
Oh, my God.
306
00:14:25,664 --> 00:14:27,887
Oh, Maggie Donovan!
307
00:14:27,987 --> 00:14:30,129
Oh, my goodness, hi!
308
00:14:30,229 --> 00:14:32,571
How are you? You look incredible.
309
00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:34,333
Thanks, you too.
310
00:14:34,433 --> 00:14:36,375
Uh, Adele, this is...
311
00:14:36,475 --> 00:14:39,098
- Alison.
- Alison. We were in the same year.
312
00:14:39,198 --> 00:14:42,661
It's been yonks. [chuckles]
What are you doing here?
313
00:14:42,761 --> 00:14:45,144
Uh, they've invited me here
to lead an assembly,
314
00:14:45,244 --> 00:14:47,186
to inspire the next generation
to reach beyond
315
00:14:47,286 --> 00:14:49,949
the confines of their tiny lives,
but, uh, what about you?
316
00:14:50,049 --> 00:14:52,791
- What have you been up to?
- Wow! I teach dance here.
317
00:14:52,891 --> 00:14:55,514
Which is brill. [chuckles]
Oh, and I've got three kids,
318
00:14:55,614 --> 00:14:56,956
if you can believe that.
319
00:14:57,056 --> 00:14:59,758
Why-- Wise of you to have so many.
320
00:14:59,858 --> 00:15:03,242
[chuckles] Right, well, I don't wanna
keep you before your big assembly,
321
00:15:03,342 --> 00:15:05,284
but I would love to catch up afterwards.
322
00:15:05,384 --> 00:15:07,586
- Aw.
- Aw! [chuckles]
323
00:15:10,429 --> 00:15:12,571
Three kids? She is my age.
324
00:15:12,671 --> 00:15:14,213
What was she, a child bride?
325
00:15:14,313 --> 00:15:16,375
Some women spend their 20s
starting a family.
326
00:15:16,475 --> 00:15:18,917
Some women spend them on ketamine,
both are valid choices.
327
00:15:19,518 --> 00:15:21,520
Right, time for my TED Talk.
328
00:15:22,041 --> 00:15:24,663
OK, Maggie, you are really confident
about this improvised,
329
00:15:24,763 --> 00:15:27,306
but apparently, life-changing speech
you're about to make.
330
00:15:27,406 --> 00:15:30,169
Eddie, they are kids.
How hard can it be?
331
00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:38,837
Jesus, they're massive.
332
00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:40,939
These are teenagers?
333
00:15:41,981 --> 00:15:43,842
JAMES: Maggie is a playwright.
334
00:15:43,942 --> 00:15:47,126
She's worked with some big-name
London theatres,
335
00:15:47,226 --> 00:15:51,170
including the Dagenham Arts Club bar,
336
00:15:51,270 --> 00:15:54,413
and several up-and-coming pub theatres.
337
00:15:54,513 --> 00:15:57,496
It just goes to show,
the sky's the limit for our alumni.
338
00:15:57,596 --> 00:16:01,060
So, let's welcome her on
with a round of applause.
339
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,522
[scattered applause]
340
00:16:07,046 --> 00:16:09,048
- Hi.
- [loud feedback]
341
00:16:09,848 --> 00:16:11,850
[students murmur]
342
00:16:16,015 --> 00:16:18,297
What is theatre?
343
00:16:21,620 --> 00:16:23,622
It's just a room.
344
00:16:24,463 --> 00:16:27,306
Uh, it's like this room, but, um...
345
00:16:27,986 --> 00:16:32,391
...better, you can get wine there,
uh, for instance.
346
00:16:34,473 --> 00:16:38,437
[stutters] If you have a room,
you have theatre.
347
00:16:39,158 --> 00:16:41,820
That's actually quite profound,
because, if you think about it,
348
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:45,744
like, everyone has a room...
No, not ev-- um...
349
00:16:45,844 --> 00:16:47,846
[anxious deep breathing]
350
00:16:48,887 --> 00:16:51,170
And, um, you know what they say...
351
00:16:52,611 --> 00:16:55,834
All the world's a stage.
352
00:16:55,934 --> 00:17:00,579
And the men and ladies, merely people.
353
00:17:03,382 --> 00:17:05,384
Do you know who said that?
354
00:17:06,745 --> 00:17:08,747
Abraham Lincoln.
355
00:17:12,591 --> 00:17:14,053
[light chuckling]
356
00:17:14,153 --> 00:17:16,455
Uh, so, yeah.
357
00:17:16,555 --> 00:17:19,338
Instead of me, like, doing this,
like, long speech,
358
00:17:19,438 --> 00:17:22,101
I think I'll kinda do, like, a Q and A.
359
00:17:22,201 --> 00:17:25,344
So, if anyone has any questions
they wanted to...
360
00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:27,106
- Yes.
- Yeah, what's your bra size?
361
00:17:27,206 --> 00:17:28,707
- [laughter]
- JAMES: All right.
362
00:17:28,807 --> 00:17:30,509
Absolutely hilarious, Aaron.
363
00:17:30,609 --> 00:17:33,392
Mr Willy, would you take him
to your office, please?
364
00:17:33,492 --> 00:17:36,515
[students protest]
365
00:17:36,615 --> 00:17:39,057
Um... Yeah, I'm, um...
366
00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:42,821
I'm not gonna answer that one,
cos I don't wanna get Yew Tree'd.
367
00:17:46,705 --> 00:17:48,707
[door opens]
368
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:54,853
Uh...
369
00:17:54,953 --> 00:17:56,575
Are there any other ques-- Yeah.
370
00:17:56,675 --> 00:17:59,178
- Did you like school?
- Oh, fuck, no. I hated it.
371
00:17:59,278 --> 00:18:00,339
[laughter]
372
00:18:00,439 --> 00:18:01,700
All right, come on.
373
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:03,802
You've heard a swear word before.
374
00:18:04,723 --> 00:18:06,965
Um... Sorry, um...
375
00:18:07,606 --> 00:18:10,389
Sorry, yeah, no, I, um...
I really hated school.
376
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:12,911
[hysterical laughter]
377
00:18:13,011 --> 00:18:14,553
It felt like, um...
378
00:18:14,653 --> 00:18:17,436
Like a huge waste of my time,
and, like...
379
00:18:17,536 --> 00:18:20,699
Like, nobody gives a fuck about
your A-level results in the real world.
380
00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:23,202
University's just a scam
run by the government
381
00:18:23,302 --> 00:18:25,284
to fund nuclear arms, probably.
382
00:18:25,384 --> 00:18:28,247
But, um... Yeah. What did I even learn?
383
00:18:28,347 --> 00:18:31,290
I don't remember anything I learned,
and I turned out fine, so...
384
00:18:31,390 --> 00:18:32,891
[laughter]
385
00:18:32,991 --> 00:18:35,033
[upbeat music plays]
386
00:18:36,795 --> 00:18:38,797
Any more questions?
387
00:18:46,765 --> 00:18:48,767
JAMES: Come in.
388
00:18:53,572 --> 00:18:56,075
So... apologies.
389
00:18:56,175 --> 00:18:58,637
- That was a bit inappropriate.
- A bit?
390
00:18:58,737 --> 00:19:00,979
They really responded to me,
you know, the honesty.
391
00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:03,202
- Teenagers like honesty.
- Oh!
392
00:19:03,302 --> 00:19:05,504
Oh, is that--
is that what teenagers like?
393
00:19:06,225 --> 00:19:08,247
You completely undermined
everything we do here.
394
00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:11,049
Cos I didn't pretend school
was the best years of my life?
395
00:19:11,149 --> 00:19:13,412
It's a battle keeping
some of these kids in school.
396
00:19:13,512 --> 00:19:15,734
You have absolutely no idea.
397
00:19:15,834 --> 00:19:17,976
- You, you're just--
- I'm what?
398
00:19:18,076 --> 00:19:20,259
You--
399
00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:22,361
What?
400
00:19:23,522 --> 00:19:25,924
[lively music]
401
00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:31,570
[clattering]
402
00:19:33,091 --> 00:19:35,173
[moaning softly]
403
00:19:36,335 --> 00:19:39,698
Just tell him to leave, Klent.
He's not answering my texts.
404
00:19:40,219 --> 00:19:42,641
No, he's not gonna karate kick you,
he's my brother.
405
00:19:42,741 --> 00:19:45,964
Wh-- Hang on. Excuse me,
have you seen Maggie anywhere?
406
00:19:46,064 --> 00:19:47,166
Who?
407
00:19:47,266 --> 00:19:48,607
The little Irish girl.
408
00:19:48,707 --> 00:19:50,129
[chuckles] Oh, yeah.
409
00:19:50,229 --> 00:19:52,231
She went into Mr Wilson's office.
410
00:19:54,673 --> 00:19:56,455
I've been thinking
about you for 15 years.
411
00:19:56,555 --> 00:19:58,177
Oh, me too.
412
00:19:58,277 --> 00:20:00,779
- Not in a paedo-y way.
- Don't say that word.
413
00:20:00,879 --> 00:20:02,261
Sorry, sorry.
414
00:20:02,361 --> 00:20:05,144
I mean, we just had this--
this connection.
415
00:20:05,244 --> 00:20:06,985
Exactly. Exactly, right.
416
00:20:07,085 --> 00:20:09,087
- Take your knickers off.
- OK.
417
00:20:12,090 --> 00:20:14,153
Oh, my God, she's actually doing it.
418
00:20:14,253 --> 00:20:16,435
- She's actually-- Hi!
- Oh, hi! Maggie's Friend!
419
00:20:16,535 --> 00:20:18,917
Could you tell her
it was nice to see her?
420
00:20:19,017 --> 00:20:20,639
- Yeah.
- I've gotta start dance club.
421
00:20:20,739 --> 00:20:22,601
I'll leave these two with their dad.
422
00:20:22,701 --> 00:20:24,763
I think Mr Wilson's a little bit busy.
423
00:20:24,863 --> 00:20:26,865
No, it's OK, it's just us.
424
00:20:27,706 --> 00:20:30,169
Sorry, could I-- Thank you.
425
00:20:30,269 --> 00:20:31,490
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
426
00:20:31,590 --> 00:20:33,131
- Come on, guys.
- Oh, my God.
427
00:20:33,231 --> 00:20:36,295
- [Alison screams]
- JAMES: Oh! Oh!
428
00:20:36,395 --> 00:20:38,297
What the fuck, James?
429
00:20:38,397 --> 00:20:39,938
No, no, no. Please, listen.
430
00:20:40,038 --> 00:20:42,421
- What are you doing here?
- What am I doing here?
431
00:20:42,521 --> 00:20:44,383
I'm his wife!
432
00:20:44,483 --> 00:20:47,045
I'm sorry, you married a student?
433
00:20:47,566 --> 00:20:50,068
- We connected years after.
- Oh, my God.
434
00:20:50,168 --> 00:20:52,150
Can you tell your kids
to stop filming?
435
00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:55,033
Don't fucking talk to me.
You don't fucking talk to me!
436
00:20:55,133 --> 00:20:56,915
I think they're gonna put it on TikTok.
437
00:20:57,015 --> 00:20:58,997
You promised me I was the only one!
438
00:20:59,097 --> 00:21:01,680
- You were-- Are.
- I am genuinely sorry,
439
00:21:01,780 --> 00:21:03,041
but I cannot...
440
00:21:03,141 --> 00:21:05,223
[lively music plays]
441
00:21:27,686 --> 00:21:30,469
[sighs] Thank you for accompanying
me on another gorgeous day out.
442
00:21:30,569 --> 00:21:32,571
One for the, um...
[chuckles] ...record books.
443
00:21:35,093 --> 00:21:38,497
Look, I'm all for shenanigans...
444
00:21:40,218 --> 00:21:42,220
...but are you manic?
445
00:21:45,143 --> 00:21:48,086
Just because, if you are,
you know what comes next, right?
446
00:21:48,186 --> 00:21:51,650
OK, this wasn't my finest hour,
but you don't need to be so judgy.
447
00:21:51,750 --> 00:21:53,211
No, I'm not, I was just...
448
00:21:53,311 --> 00:21:55,534
I just wanted to check.
449
00:21:55,634 --> 00:21:57,576
Sorry, I'm just... [breathes deeply]
450
00:21:57,676 --> 00:22:00,899
I'm pranging out about Jay
sniffing round the bar, earlier.
451
00:22:00,999 --> 00:22:03,862
No, no. It's cool, I get it.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
452
00:22:03,962 --> 00:22:07,065
I need to go wash an old man's cum
out of my tights.
453
00:22:07,165 --> 00:22:09,107
You're a nightmare.
454
00:22:09,207 --> 00:22:11,109
- [car door shuts]
- But you love me!
455
00:22:11,209 --> 00:22:13,552
But I love you!
456
00:22:13,652 --> 00:22:16,194
[engine starts]
457
00:22:16,294 --> 00:22:18,537
["In Waves" by Slow Club playing]
458
00:22:37,596 --> 00:22:41,600
♪ I can't believe it
how we ended up so far ♪
459
00:22:44,002 --> 00:22:49,568
♪ We could be coasting
like the angels with a habit ♪
460
00:22:50,409 --> 00:22:53,812
♪ I'll see the ocean closer
if you let me say my... ♪
461
00:22:54,733 --> 00:22:56,154
[clock ticking]
462
00:22:56,254 --> 00:22:58,256
[distant sirens]
463
00:23:09,748 --> 00:23:12,250
♪ You can't tell me
you're not like this ♪
464
00:23:12,350 --> 00:23:15,013
♪ Staring down the pages
of the shit you've missed ♪
465
00:23:15,113 --> 00:23:17,516
♪ Hoping you'll find a way
just to change ♪
466
00:23:19,998 --> 00:23:22,461
♪ Days spent waiting in my living grave ♪
467
00:23:22,561 --> 00:23:25,504
♪ Then turning up at parties
like a hurricane ♪
468
00:23:25,604 --> 00:23:27,606
♪ But it comes in waves ♪
469
00:23:28,286 --> 00:23:31,970
♪ It comes in... waves ♪