1 00:00:06,881 --> 00:00:12,387 He earned a pretty good bonus this year, so now Aaron is on a billboard. 2 00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:15,098 "I know where you'll live"? Your husband's kind of a creep. 3 00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:19,185 I advised against that slogan, but he was so excited it wasn't taken. 4 00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:23,898 He thinks it's so memorable, it will drive traffic to the business. 5 00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:25,233 I think that's smart, 6 00:00:25,316 --> 00:00:28,069 but he should be towering over the whole city. 7 00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:31,114 The taller the person is, the more I trust them. 8 00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:33,700 He's gonna have bigger things to worry about, 9 00:00:33,783 --> 00:00:35,869 -like someone drawing a dick. -Someone drawing a dick. 10 00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:38,955 That happened out of the gate. I took these in between cleanings. 11 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:42,709 Let's just say, there's been a diversity of genitalia. 12 00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,586 Say hello to my little friend. 13 00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:46,588 -No. -Sorry. 14 00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:51,134 -Oh, must not have locked it. -What's that? 15 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:55,013 -Cash money. Dollar bills. -I'll leave before he starts rapping. 16 00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:56,264 She knows me well. 17 00:00:56,347 --> 00:00:58,058 This here is some petty cash 18 00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:01,352 because I have been a TI-89 calculator with the books. 19 00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:03,438 We're in the black! 20 00:01:03,521 --> 00:01:04,689 -Really? -Wow! 21 00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:08,735 Yeah. I thought it would take longer for us to have enough money for a rainy day 22 00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:12,197 or enough to make it rain! 23 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:13,406 Yeah. 24 00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:17,952 I'll clean it up, sorry. 25 00:01:26,544 --> 00:01:27,587 Knock, knock. 26 00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,756 That's never been how to knock. 27 00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:32,717 I cashed my last four checks this morning. 28 00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:36,471 Had you misplaced them or did you forget somehow, and why four? 29 00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:38,973 -Why today? -I've always done it this way. 30 00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:42,811 I save $3 per year by only driving to the bank once a month. 31 00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:46,272 What a neat thing to learn just now. 32 00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:49,734 I really need you to deposit the checks as you get them. 33 00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:51,111 That seems weird. 34 00:01:51,694 --> 00:01:54,364 That rainy day came faster than I thought. 35 00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:56,658 Excuse me, I need to call the bank. 36 00:01:56,741 --> 00:02:00,286 You do know you can use your phone to deposit a check, right? 37 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,871 Phone data costs more. 38 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,498 You could pay me in quarters. 39 00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:04,624 It'll go a lot further 40 00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:08,336 because the solar storm will reduce us down to bartering our precious metals. 41 00:02:08,419 --> 00:02:10,922 You gotta stop listening to your dad's trucker radio. 42 00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:13,133 Never! We live by road rules. 43 00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:15,343 Hmm. Glad we did this. 44 00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:17,512 If you're doing an Andy Serkis retrospective, 45 00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:21,391 I'd start with 13 Going on 30 and then move to Lord of the Rings. 46 00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,726 He transforms that little body of his. 47 00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:26,396 Excuse me. I'm looking for the movie where Adam Sandler 48 00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:28,189 becomes the people whose shoes he wears. 49 00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:30,817 Oh, yeah, that's The Cob-- Nope. 50 00:02:33,361 --> 00:02:36,072 I'll explain the plot of Con Air in one second. 51 00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:45,748 -That's Aaron's Erin, right? -Yep, Girl Erin. 52 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:49,502 I practiced what I would say to her a million times, 53 00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:51,963 and then I just... froze. 54 00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:54,674 I just knew I had seen that stupid face 55 00:02:54,757 --> 00:02:57,343 next to a "be the light that guides your own path" pillow. 56 00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:59,220 Guess what, you homewrecker? 57 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:02,307 You don't have to be a yoga master to do downward dog. 58 00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:04,350 Stop posting photos of it! 59 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,228 You follow her on Facebook? 60 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:10,106 I've kept tabs on her since you told me Aaron slept with her. 61 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,693 I would just die if my Raul ever cheated on me. 62 00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:18,573 -I'm always here for you, mija. -Thanks. 63 00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,702 I created a fake account to follow her. 64 00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:26,456 I've reported all her posts for the past six months. 65 00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:30,543 On the bright side, you're so much older and wiser than her. 66 00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:33,421 -What? -I'm Lee Imbibo, 67 00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:36,549 filling in for Regina Rosenchurch who's on vacation. 68 00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:40,220 Today's top story is the storm of the digital century. 69 00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:43,306 Experts are saying a solar storm is on the horizon 70 00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:46,809 and could knock out Internet service for an undetermined amount of time... 71 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:50,230 Yeah. Right. A world without the Internet. 72 00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:54,901 Would Mark Zuckerberg turn to ash? Your dad might be right about the storm. 73 00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:58,029 His natural disaster accuracy is about 60 percent, 74 00:03:58,112 --> 00:04:02,158 but apparently he can't see the disaster he created for me. 75 00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:04,661 Did he park on a squirrel again? 76 00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,955 I was preparing to apply for community college. 77 00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:11,042 Had all my paperwork ready. It was gonna be my Elle Woods moment. 78 00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:13,628 I even put in my adoption papers for a chihuahua. 79 00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:15,088 I love you, but get there faster. 80 00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:19,259 It turns out, my forgetful father never filed my home-school paperwork. 81 00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,302 I had to tell Chihuahua and Muchachas Rescue 82 00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:24,973 that I couldn't take the dog, because I wasn't a high school graduate. 83 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:27,433 It was the one thing I could brag about. 84 00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,185 You have a lot to be proud of. 85 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:32,230 Like? My fifth degree black belt? Yeah, Carlos. 86 00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:36,317 People are real impressed that I dedicated most of my life to karate. 87 00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:38,861 There's gotta be a way you can enroll. 88 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:42,282 The counselor said if I pass the placement exam, then I can enroll. 89 00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:44,409 -Do that. -The deadline is tonight. 90 00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:47,203 I can't brush up on all of high school by tonight. 91 00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:49,455 What am I gonna do? 92 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:53,251 Ever since I had shrimp nachos, my tastes have become first-class, 93 00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:55,086 and I want more in life, 94 00:04:55,169 --> 00:04:58,840 including going to the shrimp nachos of the educational system: 95 00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:00,383 community college. 96 00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:05,430 I'm headed there now to make a cash deposit. 97 00:05:05,513 --> 00:05:06,681 Sir, if you don't come-- 98 00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:10,852 I understand vendor checks will bounce, but it will not come to that. 99 00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:12,603 Would you take a five-minute survey? 100 00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:16,232 No, I would not like to take a five-minute survey about this call. 101 00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:22,363 Hello? 102 00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:26,784 You should know I took three Krav Maga classes at the YMCA. 103 00:05:31,622 --> 00:05:34,792 Hey, are you okay? What happened? 104 00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:40,715 -If you need to go home... -Mm-mm. 105 00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:45,219 -Do you wanna tell me what's going on? -No, thank you. 106 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,682 Do you want to be alone? 107 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:54,562 You wanna maybe go to The Donk and get shit-faced drunk? 108 00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,066 Can my doughnuts come? 109 00:05:58,649 --> 00:05:59,984 Of course they can. 110 00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:06,824 -Put it on my tab. -No. 111 00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,451 This one's on Blockbuster. 112 00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:13,831 Are you sure you should have that in here? I've had my jacket stolen from this place. 113 00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:14,874 Not a problem. 114 00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:17,960 Just think of it as a highly secure metal purse. 115 00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,337 I mean, wallet. 116 00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:23,883 Well, I've never said this to anyone, but I appreciate you getting me drunk. 117 00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:26,928 Is it creepy to say "my pleasure"? It's creepy. 118 00:06:27,011 --> 00:06:31,099 I have nothing else but this. I just need to get to the bank by close. 119 00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:34,060 So, what's going on? 120 00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:36,854 My life is not what I thought it would be. 121 00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:40,566 Ugh. "Oh, I just love posting inspirational quotes, 122 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:43,945 and I love to post selfies when I stage houses." 123 00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:48,116 Who goes to one free yoga class and then puts a Buddha in every room? 124 00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:51,702 Go rent your DVDs from the dumpster, you bag of trash. 125 00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,496 Girl Erin came into Blockbuster? 126 00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:56,165 I know there aren't other video stores, 127 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:59,043 but she should've thought of that before dating a married man. 128 00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,337 Gosh. I'm so sorry. That blows. 129 00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:03,798 Well, to better times. 130 00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:13,724 Damn. How was it? 131 00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:15,560 Delicious. I'll have another. 132 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,728 Enjoy Wild Hogs. 133 00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:20,314 But don't go into it expecting actual pigs, 134 00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:22,900 they are completely shut out of this film. 135 00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:25,820 -Okay. -Hannah. Guess what's in my hands now? 136 00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:29,866 -Is Bennigan's back? Is that their menu? -Do they have loaded baked potato soup? 137 00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:33,035 No, but-- You were with me when I printed this out. 138 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:33,953 Oh, man. 139 00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:37,415 This is a practice placement exam for community college. 140 00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:40,543 I looked the questions over, it's doable. 141 00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,545 You may have to brush up on a few subjects, 142 00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:44,130 but you could take it and pass. 143 00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:46,299 -Can't you Google the answers? -It's monitored. 144 00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:48,426 I can't get in trouble with the NSA again. 145 00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:52,013 I have to study up on 12 years with six subjects a year. 146 00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:53,890 That's 72 subjects. 147 00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:55,099 You did that math fast. 148 00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:57,560 You're way smarter than you give yourself credit for. 149 00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:59,812 And you won't be alone in studying. 150 00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:02,023 -You got me and Connie to help you. -Really? 151 00:08:02,106 --> 00:08:05,026 Yes, really. We're gonna Billy Madison you. 152 00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:10,114 I got back together with Aaron for Ali, 153 00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:13,201 but when am I gonna start doing things for myself? 154 00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:17,079 No one tells you one tiny moment in an otherwise very average day 155 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:20,458 can make you question every decision you've ever made. 156 00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:25,129 You know, whenever my parents would get into a huge fight, 157 00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:26,797 which happened a lot, 158 00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:30,384 my mom could tell I was sad, and she'd try to make up for it 159 00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:34,013 by taking me out for what she would call a "Special Guy Day." 160 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,807 I think you could use a Special Guy Day. 161 00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:39,352 Doesn't your special guy work at the bass shop? 162 00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:42,480 Look, I'm trying to help. 163 00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:45,149 After a Special Guy Day, I'd always feel better, 164 00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,692 You will too. Trust me. 165 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:49,987 I just don't feel like I'm capable of fun right now. 166 00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:52,615 When everything was open around town, 167 00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:56,202 my mom and I would hit up the amusement park, ride go-karts, 168 00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:57,370 we'd eat non-stop, 169 00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:59,956 anything to make Mommy's special guy happy. 170 00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:03,084 But, oh, man, the amusement park shut down. 171 00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:07,296 So... feels like sitting here drinking is probably the move. 172 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:10,841 There are plenty of things around the strip mall we can do, 173 00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:14,470 and let's get started with a very hot jam. 174 00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:17,390 This is stupid. 175 00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:22,144 That's the spirit. Sometimes my mom would even take me out of school early, 176 00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,897 so I am giving you the rest of the day off. 177 00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:28,109 -I was already done with my shift. -You are welcome. 178 00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,904 -All right, here we go. 179 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:34,073 A Special Guy Day classic. 180 00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:40,746 If Dominic Toretto and Luke Hobbs are going to Rio De Janeiro, 181 00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:44,333 but Toretto leaves São Paulo at 3 p.m. driving 90 miles an hour, 182 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:47,169 and Hobbes leaves São Paulo at noon driving 65 miles an hour. 183 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,212 Who gets there first? 184 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:51,424 Luke Hobbs would rather die than drive the speed limit. 185 00:09:51,507 --> 00:09:53,301 -True. -Why are we here? 186 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,845 Special Guy Day meant a trip to the mall, 187 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:58,180 but our mall's now a methadone clinic. 188 00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:01,892 -We have Amber and her fashions. -I saved these just for you. 189 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:04,228 -Ooh! -The fireworks pattern's really fun. 190 00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:05,980 So you've been here before? 191 00:10:06,063 --> 00:10:09,817 -Timmy's a regular. -The compression makes me feel safe. 192 00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:14,363 My mom used to get me a banana split at Beth Ann Creamery. 193 00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,032 So good she cried while eating it, 194 00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:18,951 but it got bought out by a year-round Spirit Halloween store. 195 00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:21,370 But look! Bar Banana Splits. 196 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,748 Oh! Cheers! 197 00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:28,669 Oh! How is it sweeter than an actual banana split? 198 00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:30,129 My fillings! 199 00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:35,217 the longer, higher-budget sequel to World War I, 200 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,887 was started in September of 1939-- 201 00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:40,681 Oh, my God, I love him! 202 00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,016 -Tom Hanks? -No. 203 00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:43,434 -Tom Sizemore? -Who? 204 00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:46,354 -Carlos, don't guess. -That's a real person. 205 00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:47,855 -He's famous. -Matt Damon? 206 00:10:47,938 --> 00:10:49,732 He did a show dressed like a lady. 207 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:51,359 -Barry Pepper? -Went to the moon. 208 00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,027 -Ed Burns. -Taught ladies baseball. 209 00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:57,073 -Tom Hanks! -Yes, him! I love him. Thanks, Hannah. 210 00:10:57,156 --> 00:11:00,159 Here we go. You think this thing gives change? 211 00:11:00,242 --> 00:11:05,623 And it doesn't, but I think if we get that stripeless zebra there, it'll be worth it. 212 00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:07,208 You mean horse, drunky? 213 00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:09,210 Trying to concentrate. 214 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:13,339 Right. Keep going right. And then my left. Your left, right? 215 00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:16,425 Then left, and then-- No, right, and a little left. 216 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,095 I love that you're feeling better. Hate the backseat driving. 217 00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:21,639 Okay, up, but like in a down way. 218 00:11:22,306 --> 00:11:23,265 A duck! 219 00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:26,936 Does that duck have a human dick? 220 00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,145 Indeed it does. 221 00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:30,815 -This calls for another drink. -On me. 222 00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:33,943 To human-dick ducks! 223 00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:37,863 So Rex here, not a human, but the anatomy is the same. 224 00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:40,866 -You've got lungs, heart... 225 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,159 ...liver, spleen, 226 00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:44,286 gallbladder, pancreas. 227 00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:46,414 Why does it make that sound? 228 00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:48,416 And now time for photos. 229 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,209 Oh, no. I got it. 230 00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:55,589 -Oh. Yep. -I'll just-- How about--? 231 00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:56,507 -Yep. -Okay. 232 00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:58,008 Okay. 233 00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,345 We have the whole world at our fingertips. 234 00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:04,682 What the--? Are all these backgrounds our strip mall? 235 00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:06,475 That is so depressing. 236 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,811 -Oh, let's do the dumpster. -Okay. 237 00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:17,737 Shh, shh... 238 00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:21,115 She's gotta be almost done with the practice test. 239 00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:23,576 -How do you think she's doing? -Biting her upper lip, 240 00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:27,329 means she's focused or she's eating her Dr. Pepper Lip Smacker. 241 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:28,831 Go, go, go. 242 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,296 Act natural! Natural! 243 00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:41,552 Oh, hey. So how did you score? 244 00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:43,262 Ah... 245 00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:46,557 You failed? 246 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,100 But you were so prepared. 247 00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:51,395 You didn't even spell your name right. "Hannah" doesn't have four N's. 248 00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:52,438 I froze. 249 00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:54,315 I was under so much pressure, 250 00:12:54,398 --> 00:12:57,818 and the break room was so quiet, I could hear my thoughts. 251 00:12:57,902 --> 00:13:00,362 We made sure it was quiet so you could focus. 252 00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,031 I'm not used to that. 253 00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:04,950 When I did my home-school tests, nothing changed. 254 00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:07,828 My dad would yell at the TV while he burned dinner. 255 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:10,289 My neighbor blared his car horn. Trains went by. 256 00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:12,458 My cat did this reverse cough thing. 257 00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:15,044 Oh, my God. 258 00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:17,880 Even talking about it relaxes me. 259 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:20,591 I find most white ladies boring, but not you. 260 00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:22,468 No, actually that makes sense. 261 00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:26,722 You were so distracted by everything, you had no time to worry about the test. 262 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,975 I wish I could recreate it, but my dad doesn't watch sports anymore, 263 00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,102 and that neighbor drowned in a deep puddle. 264 00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:35,147 I bet we could recreate it. 265 00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,317 I'm on my way with the deposit. 266 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,694 I am so sorry, but something came up. 267 00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:45,282 It was a family emergency diarrhea thing. 268 00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:48,494 Weird, it happened to you too. 269 00:13:48,577 --> 00:13:52,790 Okay, well, I am on my way now with all of the money, 270 00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:54,500 or most of it. 271 00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:58,087 Hypothetically, if I didn't have enough cash to cover the vendor checks, 272 00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:00,005 is that a huge problem, among friends? 273 00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:01,298 Tim-A! 274 00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:02,216 Hey! 275 00:14:02,716 --> 00:14:03,801 Thank you. 276 00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:06,011 I didn't know that I needed it, 277 00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:08,722 but now that I know about Special Guy Day, 278 00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:10,349 I'm like, yeah! 279 00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:12,643 -I needed this. -I get it. 280 00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:14,728 Basically saved me as a kid. 281 00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:17,857 But Special Guy Day got weirder as I got older. 282 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:21,652 Turned into me doing things with my mom she should have been doing with my dad. 283 00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:24,780 A lot of sitting in dressing rooms while she tried on dresses, 284 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:28,033 went to see Swan Lake, which was actually pretty cool. 285 00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,119 One of the dancers broke her leg. 286 00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:33,205 -Yikes. -We even took a couples cooking class. 287 00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:36,292 -With your mother? -Wait for it. Bam. 288 00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,502 -No! Wow! 289 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:41,589 Seems like she needed you more than you needed her. 290 00:14:42,089 --> 00:14:45,175 -You're like her little husband. -Ew. Gross. 291 00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:47,553 Well, maybe you're right. 292 00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:51,432 She kind of put all her attention on me to avoid dealing with my dad. 293 00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:53,517 I gotta hit the bank-- 294 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,728 You're not allowed to repeat this, 295 00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:59,273 but things have been a little rough for old Eliza. 296 00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:02,443 My daughter's friends call me by my first name, 297 00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:04,653 and that creep at the Gas-n-Guzz 298 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:08,866 who has sexually harassed me every time I've been in there has stopped. 299 00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:10,492 All of a sudden. 300 00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,578 Feminism is weird. 301 00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:16,290 Plus, LinkedIn is shit. Haven't gotten any bites on my résumé. 302 00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:19,335 Wait, what? You're looking for jobs? 303 00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:22,463 I mean, I figured that day would come someday-- 304 00:15:22,546 --> 00:15:24,048 Yeah, it's just, 305 00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:26,550 I'm always talking about doing more, 306 00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:29,178 but I've been feeling so stuck. 307 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:31,472 That's why I'm always bugging you to do more. 308 00:15:31,555 --> 00:15:33,849 Look at how great things are for you. 309 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,352 I'm just trying to take my own advice. 310 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,480 Are you mad at me? 311 00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:43,067 I truly can never be mad at you. 312 00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,654 Thanks, Mitch. Keep the change. 313 00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:48,238 Actually, take the bills. 314 00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:49,698 I will take the change, 315 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:53,118 because there might be a solar storm, I could use the copper and silver. 316 00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:54,870 All right, I need to jet. 317 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:58,999 Gotta hit the bank while it's still open and I have a few bucks left. 318 00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:03,462 I gotta get back to the guy I don't wanna see. 319 00:16:04,838 --> 00:16:06,340 Stay in school, kids. 320 00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:08,175 -Okay, Mom! -You're too late! 321 00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:11,637 You know what? 322 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:16,100 I just realized that I forgot the most important part of Special Guy Day. 323 00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:18,852 I thought you had to get to the bank. Isn't that important? 324 00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:21,730 It is important, but not as important as this. 325 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,315 That can happen tomorrow. 326 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,944 So right now is Guy's Choice. 327 00:16:27,027 --> 00:16:29,196 You can literally choose anything. 328 00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:32,574 So what, Eliza Walker, do you want to do? 329 00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:37,204 I wanna make sure Girl Erin knows exactly who I am. 330 00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:38,789 Hmm. 331 00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:40,958 -Oh! -Ooh! 332 00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:43,335 Why is it so wet down here? 333 00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:45,462 Where is she? 334 00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,297 I don't see her. 335 00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:49,758 -What the hell? 336 00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:50,968 Hey, Timmy. 337 00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:53,012 Gerin. Gerin. 338 00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:55,139 Gerin! 339 00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:58,350 -What are you saying? -Gerin. It's faster than "Girl Erin." 340 00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,602 -Hmm. -She's not here. 341 00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:04,773 I was wondering about your plan. Wasn't she here like four hours ago? 342 00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,525 Well-played, Girl Erin. 343 00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:09,695 You know because of her, I can't even go to Costco? 344 00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:12,865 It's been six months since I've had a Toaster Strudel. 345 00:17:12,948 --> 00:17:16,368 -How is that her fault? -I won't keep Toaster Strudel in my house. 346 00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:17,327 As an adult. 347 00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:21,248 Yes, I used to love those golden flaky samples when I used to go. 348 00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:22,291 Sorry, sorry. 349 00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:23,584 This is absurd. 350 00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:26,712 Ugh. Oh, God. 351 00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:28,922 I'm just like your mom. 352 00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:32,426 Girl Erin is my you. 353 00:17:32,509 --> 00:17:34,219 Okay, I am pretty drunk, 354 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:37,306 but I don't remember sleeping with your husband. 355 00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:41,185 No, I put all my attention into her 356 00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:43,729 instead of dealing with the real problem. 357 00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:45,606 Aaron. 358 00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:48,609 And it's easy to hate her, 359 00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:51,028 but she's just some girl. 360 00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,197 He's my husband. 361 00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:57,034 I think I wanted it to be good so much that... 362 00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:02,247 I never let myself be mad at him. 363 00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:08,253 And I am really, really mad at him. 364 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,675 You know, I can tell. 365 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:17,137 Your face is what's called, in some circles, "Ted Kennedy Red." 366 00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:25,729 Come on. 367 00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:27,356 I know what I wanna do. 368 00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:33,737 -Oh, we're crawling. -Yeah, I'm calling an Uber. 369 00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,739 All right, I'll put my box away. 370 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:42,454 Here's your special drink, piping-hot mug of Dr. Pepper. 371 00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:45,207 Thanks, for everything. 372 00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:46,208 You got this. 373 00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,628 Places. This is the real deal. 374 00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:51,380 Action, popcorn! 375 00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:55,509 You never should've trusted me! I'm on drugs! 376 00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:59,388 My kitty is a foul-mouthed bear from Boston! I think I'm ready. 377 00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:04,893 You call that a pass! Hustle! Run! 378 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,065 -It's working! -Great! 379 00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:13,193 Let's go, Pistons! 380 00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:15,696 Beat those baby ducks! 381 00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:17,322 -No baby anything. -No babies. 382 00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:21,743 -Oh! 383 00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:24,913 Nice. 384 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,623 Oh! Oh, oh! 385 00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:29,710 This is way more fun than I imagined. 386 00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:35,174 "I know where you'll live." That is a terrible real estate slogan. 387 00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:39,011 -It's the worst! -But if he were a horror movie villain, 388 00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:42,890 "Aaron Walker knows where you'll live and how you'll die." 389 00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:44,099 Bum-bum-bum! 390 00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:46,810 All right. All right. 391 00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:48,854 Between the eyes. 392 00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:51,607 Calling your shot! I love the confidence, Babe Ruth. 393 00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:55,694 Oh! 394 00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:58,614 -Hell of an arm! -Thank you, thank you. 395 00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:00,449 Years of dunk tank training. 396 00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:04,828 Do you know that Aaron doesn't like powdered doughnuts? 397 00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:07,748 What? Is this like a Men in Black situation 398 00:20:07,831 --> 00:20:10,000 where he's an alien pretending to be human? 399 00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:13,712 I know, right? It's not like he's got abs to protect. 400 00:20:13,795 --> 00:20:17,758 Hey, not having abs isn't a crime. It's a sign you're in middle age. 401 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,052 True that. 402 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,555 Oh, nice! 403 00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:27,684 Why are the results taking so long? 404 00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:29,645 I don't know, but it's making me nervous. 405 00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:32,105 -I'd like to rent this. -SonoftheMask? 406 00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:34,983 It's my husband's birthday, which means sex, 407 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,152 and only Jamie Kennedy can put me in the mood. 408 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,237 Oh. 409 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,698 It's been a while since we've done the old Jamie Kennedy experiment. 410 00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:44,576 -If you know what I mean. -I don't, and I'm good with that. 411 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:48,288 -Take it. -For free? Are you sure? 412 00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:51,250 -No one but you wants Son of the Mask. -Here's $5. 413 00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:52,834 -Well, okay. -Go, go. 414 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,422 -So? -I passed! 415 00:20:57,506 --> 00:20:59,424 I got into community college. 416 00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:01,426 I-- I'm Elle Woods! 417 00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:04,054 -You got in! -Yeah, baby! You did it! 418 00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:11,436 Hey, wake up. 419 00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:14,523 Eliza. 420 00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:17,609 Where to next? 421 00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:20,696 Nowhere. My night is done. 422 00:21:20,779 --> 00:21:23,073 Can you make sure my friend gets home safe? 423 00:21:23,156 --> 00:21:26,910 Oh, come on! Steve said he'd drive us around as long as we want. 424 00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:29,496 -My name is Victor. -Victor, right. 425 00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:33,709 Timmy, Victor is begging us to keep going. 426 00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:35,002 I really don't care. 427 00:21:35,085 --> 00:21:37,087 There are more billboards we could hit. 428 00:21:37,170 --> 00:21:38,088 I wish I could. 429 00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:41,425 I really wanna keep hanging out. 430 00:21:44,928 --> 00:21:46,722 I have some work to do. 431 00:21:48,557 --> 00:21:49,683 Of course. 432 00:21:49,766 --> 00:21:51,018 You're a great boss. 433 00:22:00,485 --> 00:22:01,611 Thanks again for today. 434 00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:04,823 I couldn't have gotten through it without you, Mr. Blockbuster. 435 00:22:04,906 --> 00:22:07,326 Mr. Blockbuster was my father's name. 436 00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:11,121 To McDonald's, Steve! 437 00:22:11,204 --> 00:22:13,540 -Victor. -Right, yeah, Victor. 438 00:22:30,432 --> 00:22:33,060 -Hey, you. -Sorry, I'm late. I got caught up. 439 00:22:33,143 --> 00:22:36,646 It's fine. I was scraping shrimp heads out of a tackle box. 440 00:22:36,730 --> 00:22:37,564 So hot. 441 00:22:37,647 --> 00:22:38,482 I know. 442 00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:43,362 Do you know anything about a bear in my store? 443 00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:46,073 Um... No.