What is that?
That you?
That you, batty batty?
Get back! Get back! Get off me!
Those damn twins and their damn pranks!
A NETFLIX SERIES
Don't worry, we're not infested. It's Carol's twin grandsons.
They've been pranking us for weeks.
Gluing the mailbox shut, lubing the floor, setting off car alarms.
-Who's Carol? -You know.
Vests, kind of scary. She owns Hot Piece of Bass.
When will you change the employee photos back?
I like the Buscemis staring at me.
Makes me feel like I'm in an unproduced Charlie Kaufman movie.
The twins hid a beehive in my store again.
Classic Carol's grandsons. I better get going.
Have to give some kisses to my bearded dragons.
We gotta retaliate. How do we top the eyebrow scar we gave Evan?
That was Trevin, and that was on him for having so many fishing lures on his hat.
We find a way to give them one of the less permanent versions of hepatitis.
I love that. Diarrhea, the other symptoms, but not the full hepatitis.
Actually, I'm out.
-What? -Look,
Halloween is our biggest time of the year,
with people looking for horror movies they can't get on streamers.
This year will be bigger
because of publicity from that news report.
Look around. We haven't had this many customers
since Fifty Shades of Grey made the whole country horny.
I'm not gonna jeopardize that by getting into a prank war with children.
We're this close to getting out of the woods.
You're two months behind on rent.
-Oh. -Damn. I'm torn.
The half of me that wants my money is impressed.
But the half of me that wants to put two ninth graders in a hospital is bummed.
I like this new Timmy. Let's support him.
He's trying to be a responsible boss.
What is that?
Glitter bomb. Damn it.
-Impressive, though. -I think it scratched my cornea.
So you summon ghosts?
No, Día de los Muertos isn't about ghosts exactly.
They're spirits of dead relatives
who come back to visit for one night.
Oh, so zombies then.
Not zombies.
Fine, if I have to choose, more ghosts than zombies.
It's more of a spiritual reunion.
You put offerings out to welcome your lost loved ones,
like their photo and favorite things, so they find their way back to you.
So they take a bite out of cookies like Santa Claus.
Nope.
Still more ghosts than Santa. Maybe it's easier if I show you.
Do you wanna make an ofrenda for your mom?
-That would be really cool. -Happy to do it.
What did your mom like?
Skirts that were secretly shorts.
Amen to that.
But I mean more like what was her favorite food?
Bugles. They had them at the hospital where she worked.
Well, volunteered. She was a candy striper.
-Do you have any photos? -Yeah.
This is one of my faves.
Oh, she was so young.
If you don't mind me asking, what happened to her?
She died.
Sure.
But... how?
It's kind of embarrassing.
I'm not totally sure.
I was super young, and any time I ask my dad,
he says he's gonna grab a beer and then goes on a 4-mile walk.
Men are limited.
Okay, it's just you and me, the boys.
How do we get back at the twins?
Ooh. How about we make it about the psychological instead of the physical?
Kids are sponges.
We gotta scar the little bastards for life.
No, I'm serious.
I've changed.
-You have changed. -Hey.
I wasn't scared.
So, hi. Yes, Eliza?
I brought you a new shirt since yours is covered in glitter.
Uh-oh. Shirt alert. Whoop, whoop!
The shirt alert's going off 'cause there is a shirt in my hands.
You're welcome.
-What is all that?
Look, I don't know, man.
Ever since I admitted I liked her and almost told her,
sometimes it's fine,
then other times I look at her and I don't know how to act.
Does this seem normal to you?
Uh...
No?
Here we go.
Hi, Eliza.
You look like you're in a nest keeping your eggs warm.
How about this?
No?
Okay.
-Hi, Eliza. -Do a school photo.
Okay. Okay, now let me see a straight ahead one.
No.
Halloween.
Return of the Stepmother. Twenty--
Timmy. Please stop buying lightbulbs from Facebook Marketplace.
Wattage has a minus in front of the number.
Didn't mean to scare you. Hi, I'm Damon.
I'm gonna be helping with the Halloween curation.
Hi. I'm Carlos.
I'll handle the curating myself like always.
-Thanks. -That's perfect.
We can just do it by ourselves, side by side.
Oh, really?
Oh, cool. Yeah. Timmy!
Do you know if we carry the butthole cut of Cats?
Last night's Dateline was epic.
Ugh! I missed it. My husband had his fight club over
so it was all setting down coasters and stitching up eyebrows.
You know how the last few episodes have been so boring?
Man has affair with a 19-year-old hostess at a fast-casual,
murders his wife, cries about it in court, and says, "I'm a good Christian man."
-Snooze. -Wake up, people,
because they finally gave us a serial killer.
One from here.
Oh, Jesus is good.
"The Shadow Lake Killer," and this guy had a type.
All his victims were 5'9", candy stripers, and, get this, natural redheads.
Why redheads? I heard they're crazy.
-Not you. You seem cool. -What's this?
An ofrenda for Hannah's mom.
I'm trying to teach her about Día de los Muertos.
But she's Hannah. Her only reference for the afterlife includes Kristen Bell.
-Wait, so Hannah's mom was a redhead. -And a candy striper.
Wai-- Oh, God. What if she's a victim of the shadow lake killer?
He had four confirmed kills, but they suspect dozens more.
I mean, maybe? Hannah doesn't know how she died.
-No. -No, be real.
We've seen too much Dateline, which isn't a criticism.
-We have to cut it with 48 Hours. -Yeah.
My mom loved blueberries, especially the wild ones at Shadow Lake.
Shadow Lake?
-Hey, buddy. -Hey.
So question, why did you hire someone to do my job?
Oh. Damon's an unpaid intern. Actually, it was his idea.
We met at Hollywood Harold's estate sale, got to talking.
I thought you'd make a great team.
There's no I in "team," and that's the problem.
-I work alone. -It's a busy time.
Free help is free help.
I know Damon has good taste because I have good taste.
We were both bidding on Hollywood Harold's vintage horror collection.
-Damon's a horror expert. -No, I am.
I'm an expert in all things cinema, even movies Kevin Hart tries to hide.
Harold's Estate has original film print of Freddy vs. Jason, non-canonical,
not even in theaters.
-You guys haven't seen it. -I've seen it.
-Oh, you have? -Mm-hm.
Of course I haven't.
Those twins are so annoying,
but I'm really glad Timmy is insisting we take the high road.
Mm.
Oh, those dick twins!
Awesome.
It's side-boob. Calm down.
Do you want me to...?
What do they even get out of that?
Screw the high road. Game on.
-We are pranking those dicks back. -Wait, what?
It's Johnny Rastrelli all over again.
A new pizza arcade?
No. My childhood nemesis.
Johnny Rastrelli would mess with me constantly.
My mom never let me retaliate.
Now I'm supposed to sit back and watch him run for Senate?
I don't think so!
-I'll kill you. -You liked that we weren't pranking back,
so we probably shouldn't prank back, right?
Because that's what you said.
Connie, it's the most obvious answer.
The most obvious answer is it's always the husband.
Okay, fine. But the second most obvious answer, serial killer.
Let's do a little digging.
A little Dateline sleuthing of our own?
Always thought I'd be a great Lester Holt.
Then I'm Keith Morrison. Hannah!
Han, Han, Han. Quick question. What's your favorite lunch place?
What's the deal with Shadow Lake? Have a place? Rent a place?
How are the inroads, outroads? Dish, girl.
In answer to your first question,
this mom-and-pop shop near my house called Jersey Mike's.
Oh! Mm.
And second, we lived there. You can see it in this picture.
-Your mom was so tall. Was she a model? -She was, 5'9".
Not tall enough for runway. But imagine if she had IG.
Excuse me.
I'll get it.
-There's a lot of similarities, but-- -Look.
This lanky ginger's holding a book.
All the Shadow Lake Slayer's victims were reading when they died.
That's why they almost called him the Shadow Lake Librarian.
Do you watch it over lunch? Oh!
How about water balloons? Classic yet effective.
How about instead of water, we fill them with rancid mustard?
I know a breakroom fridge that's lousy with it.
I'm gonna piggyback off your piggyback. We sell cop costumes.
We pose as police officers,
tell them their parents got into a terrible accident.
Ho, ho, ho!
Maybe we draw the line at felonies.
Oh, look who's here.
It's the hall monitor here to "bust things up."
Where's your little sash, hall monitor?
I'm not a hall monitor anymore.
I mean, ever, now.
Ooh! I was in the PTA with a dad who builds paintball guns.
We have to think Michelle Obama. What would Shelly O do?
Never called herself that. Anyway, how much mustard are we packing?
Everything we got.
Mustard instead of water? That's genius.
No. High road.
As fun as that sounds, I have to be responsible.
Don't wanna get written up.
That's from the hall monitor thing from before.
We'll make sure none of it gets traced to you.
Put your sash on, look official.
Great. That's exactly what I wanted.
You consider yourself a horror movie expert?
Oh, yeah, I'm an expert.
-What's the first horror movie ever made? -The House of the Devil.
Ha! Wrong. The Devil's Manor.
If it's the American translation.
-Name of the demon from The Exorcist? -Pazuzu. Everybody knows.
Right. Obviously, duh. I knew that too.
Well, I got a birthday Cameo from the guy that played Jigsaw.
No way. Hey, Neve Campbell spilled milk on me.
I met an actual Slenderman. Yeah.
Wait until you see my Halloween costume. It's not gonna suck.
Just a little--
Uh-huh.
Ma, I can't be your date to your retirement home's Halloween party.
My store is gonna be packed today.
Sorry, retirement resort.
Yeah. Yes, I know. I was a very difficult birth.
Oh, no.
Uh...
Those dick twins.
Uh, I'll call you back.
How much for the ice cream fridge, without ice cream?
It's not for sale.
-What about with ice cream? -Not for sale.
This has been and continues to be a video rental store.
-How much to rent ice cream? -Leave.
Okay, new store policy. When they go low, we go lower.
-It's a limbo contest now. -Stand down.
Me and Percy are on it. we'll take the sign down.
The damage is already done to the store and doughnuts.
Well, I'm already stuffed.
Aaron found that breakfast sandwich truck that doesn't post its location.
-The Bermuda Truck-Angle? -Yeah.
Wow, what a man. What a mighty good man.
I don't think Salt-N-Pepa is writing songs about him yet,
but he has been trying since we got back together.
Mm.
Dinosaur with glasses?
Clever girl.
Jurassic Park. You got it. Don't tell me.
-Uh, Greatest Showman? -I'm clearly Murphy Brown.
I'm gonna go smear butter on my hand, try to get this off.
Jennifer Coolidge is better than this.
Why is it so warm?
That does it.
This is my house and I will defend it.
Come on.
Is your costume from a vampire throuple movie?
Twilight?
Hurtful. No, it's Dracula.
Most people go the 1931 version and Lugosi's a genius, obvi.
But this is the little seen 1979 version. It's pretty niche stuff.
-Oh, God.
Scary, right?
I guess it's not so niche.
Think he's trying to Single White Female you?
I mean Single Brown Male you? I didn't mean to whitewash.
I worked too hard on this costume for this freak to copy it.
Freak in, like, a hot way?
Hot? Maybe in like a Tim Burton, Jack Skellington sort of way.
Skellington had legs for days.
Not the time.
Look at us.
We're identical twins, right?
I know the map is of Raging Waters, but it's crystal clear.
I'm so glad Hannah's mom has us to solve her case.
What is this? Who cares?
I'm going full-prank John Wick on those twins.
-Cool. -Okay.
It is cool.
I am not staying out of the fray.
I know how to save a life because I am The Fray.
The band, The Fray.
Come on, watch one episode of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm going into Carol's store
to plant stink bombs in the twins' backpacks.
-Show Eliza and Percy how it's done. -That's a terrible plan.
The twins are expecting retaliation and they're watching the doors.
I'm going in through the roof. Carol has a skylight.
Come on, let's go.
He keeps stink bombs in his office?
Preston, I'm telling you. It's got thrills, chills,
and the highest concentration of Wayans outside of their mom's house.
-Scary Movie 2. -You know what I think you'd like more.
-Ooh. Scary Movie 4. -Ha. You just picked a higher number.
-That has no Wayans in it. -Shaquille O'Neal and Dr. Phil.
-And characters inspired by the Wayans? -Yeah.
-This seems good. -Right?
My guy.
-Yo! Yes! -Want some free popcorn?
Hey, so is Timmy okay?
Seems like the stress of the store's really getting to him.
Something is definitely getting to him.
Hmm.
-Were you an Eagle Scout? -Yeah.
Up until our scoutmaster got fired for turning us into cocaine hippos.
-Yikes. I could tell. -Oh, yeah, he was a trip.
It's a hell of a balloon knot. Working together is kind of nice.
If I can't hang with my boy Tim, you make a decent bench player.
-Thank you. -Normally when I'm with you
it's like all the bad parts about being married.
-But this has been fun. -I got it.
Ooh, ooh. There they are. Revenge is ours.
-Revenge is ours. -Let's go.
Ugh. Why did I wear heels?
Stop jiggling those. You look like a perv.
Ow!
-What the hell just happened?
Help!
Ooh!
Hey.
Just cleaning myself after falling through a skylight.
You know, normal stuff. Please tell me Carol--
She just reaggravated an old hunting injury.
She says she's totally fine.
She's drunk, but I believe her.
I should've stayed out of it,
but I couldn't let those jerks keep getting the best of us.
I'm so stupid.
So stupid. This easily makes your top five dumb things.
In high school you sunburned the Grateful Dead bear on your forehead.
-I stand by that decision.
So I told Carol that the twins crashed the skylight.
She's sending those little buttholes to reform school. Last laugh.
What did you do?
Well, if friends can't depend on each other for revenge,
what's the point?
Plus, you can't have blood on your hands. You're the boss.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Hey.
-What the hell is your problem? -Oh. Well, I'm allergic to tree nuts.
Gluten wrecks me. The sun and are not friends--
No, you keep stealing my customers,
jacked my Halloween costume, and try to out movie knowledge me.
Why?
Well, because I like you.
So that was you flirting?
I guess I'm good with movies but not so good with boys.
I wouldn't say that. You do have a David Arquette in Scream appeal.
Wait. I know we're making out in the closet,
but I'm not in the closet. Openly bisexual and proud.
Just so you know, I don't mind we're in a confined space.
Claustrophiliac, population me.
Mm. Okay.
We can't tell Hannah the truth.
Why not? It's what Dateline's all about.
Delivering terrible news under the guise of helping the family find peace.
What if she wants to devote her life to revenge?
You think the girl who paints her fingernails with dinosaur stickers
-has the follow-through for revenge? -She might.
Come on. Hannah, there's something we need to tell you about your mom.
-No, but before you do, you need to-- -Ew. Gross.
My mom hated reading. She always said movies were faster.
-In this photo she's holding a book. -Grandma got it for her.
She was going to throw it in the lake.
She hated reading.
-Hated, hated, hated. -Got it.
Then we have nothing else to say.
Thanks for this, Connie.
It's nice to feel so close to my mom.
Happy to help.
That was almost really bad.
Almost really bad is the story of my life.
But, hey, even though Hannah's mom didn't get murdered,
at least she got the spirit of Día de los Muertos.
And she left her a note.
"Hi, Mom, it's Hannah.
Love you and miss you.
Should I get bangs?
Circle 'yes' or 'no.'"
We're telling her no, right?
Hannah can't have bangs.
Her face is like a hexagon.
Hey, man. I am so sorry about all this.
I know you're responsible for the damage, but I'll take care of it.
It's fine. I got it covered.
No, it's my fault.
Not sure how I'm gonna come up with the money.
Store didn't do as well as I expected, but I'll figure it out.
Are rare Pogs worth anything now or is it like Beanie Babies?
Stop, Tim. I got you. That's what friends are for.
Thanks, Perc.
Sorry, I've been so off my game the past few weeks.
I feel like I missed my window with Eliza whether it was open or not.
It's frustrating 'cause I've liked her for so long.
You need to forget about Eliza.
-She is messing up your life. -But she's great.
You had so much fun with her today.
She's fine at best.
I was hanging with her because she was down to mess with the twins
when my boy wasn't there, as usual.
We haven't kicked it much lately.
We haven't.
My parents are pissed too 'cause I haven't visited enough since I took over.
Yeah.
I have a pretty full life.
I don't need Eliza.
What you need is a drink, and another after that.
-Sounds like a night I wanna have. -Give it up.
I wish my parents were alive enough to be pissed at me.
They were always pissed at you.
One more rapid-fire question. What film was your queer awakening?
-Ooh. Rufio in Hook for sure. -Really?
Oh, yeah. Young me wanted to bangarang him.
-You? -Hands down, Addams Family.
-Anjelica Huston and Raul Julia? -Yeah.
I only blinked during Pugsley scenes. And Y Tu Mamá También.
It's straight for 90 minutes.
-Until it's not! Yeah. -Until it's not!
I can't wait to get this costume off. Thank God Halloween is only once a year.
-It doesn't have to be. -Hmm?
I'm part of a group of like-minded individuals
who think that Halloween can and should be year-round.
Hey, I thought we were gonna have a drink.
Just getting the mail. Twins superglued this shut.
No. You don't gotta do that right now.
Let's go to the bar before Mitch starts to reuse glasses.
An eviction notice?
What gives, man?
I wasn't supposed to be with you when you found that.
I'm sorry corporate's not giving you money anymore,
but the rent, Tim, the rent. I felt real bad about it.
-That's why I drew a sad face. -I don't get it.
After I rehired Kayla for you
and you were so cool with the damage to Carol's store?
I paid for Kayla.
Insurance paid for the damages.
But I use your rent money to pay for my insurance.
I'm sorry, but you have until the end of next month. Just business.
So... still wanna have that drink?
Just business.