[indistinct chatter]
Good afternoon, everyone.
Thank you for coming.
It has truly been my honor to have the opportunity
to show Mr. Dwayne Johnson our beautiful country.
Dwayne, if you would.
Yes, thank you, Prime Minister.
Hello, everybody.
So we just returned from touring
your National Education Center.
And I've got to tell you guys, I was completely blown away
by Gjelgjiughm commitment to your most valuable resource,
the coffee.
[laughter]
No, I'm only kidding. Of course it's the kids.
The children. - [laughs]
There's that famous Dwayne Johnson humor,
which we always enjoy in all of his movies,
except maybe "Huskies."
- [laughs] - If we continue--
Prime Minister, what do you say to the Gjelgjiughms
who are upset by your refusal to rename Cannibal's Peak,
"Billy Will You Go To The Dance With Me It's Maria" Mountain?
I hear their frustration and take it to heart.
Next question, please.
By ignoring the vote,
are you concerned you look out of touch?
As a leader, sometimes we have to make
a tough decision, even if it is the unpopular choice.
What did she just say?
- Prime Minister, if I may? - [sighs] Please do.
[chuckles] - Thank you.
You know, guys, during my short stay here in Gjelgjiughm,
I've really come to admire the people's passion
for standing up for what they believe in.
And if I could share a quick story with you guys
about a time in my life where my own family
was going through something very similar...
My parents had started their own wrestling promotion
company rivaling my grandma's.
They put a lot of their own money into the business,
which meant downsizing from
our decent-size apartment to...
An efficiency?
Yep, that's what they call it.
- Why? - Because it's so efficient.
You can see everything you own
and get a glass of water
and see the TV at the same time.
Wait. Where's the bed?
It's in the wall.
You're gonna love this, Dewey.
Yeah.
It's also our closet.
[telephone rings]
Don't answer that. It's Afa.
He's still pissed about the booking conflict
in Saudi Arabia.
Don't be silly. Afa is family.
But--but, babe, don't.
Hello, Afa?
[line clicks]
[dial tone droning]
That was rude.
The toilet doesn't also come out of the wall, does it?
It doesn't.
But I would suggest doing number two at school.
Since the efficiency was so... efficient,
everyone agreed that I should stay with my grandma.
Even though she and my parents were at war in business,
they never let me become a casualty.
Another pineapple pancake, Dewey?
I can make a fresh batch.
No, thanks, Grandma.
I should get going.
I want to get in a full day of learning.
My life was the perfect combination
of lots of attention...
with virtually no supervision.
I'm still not sure.
Can I please try the Brut again?
Okay, this is the last time.
[Pat Benatar's "Invincible"]
♪
So with no real structure at home,
I sought it out somewhere else,
the weight room.
♪
It went on like that for months,
my parents trying and failing to launch their promotion,
my grandma pretending she wasn't concerned about them,
even though she was tracking their every move.
♪ This bloody road remains a mystery ♪
♪
♪ This sudden darkness
And me?
♪ Fills the air
♪
♪ What are we waiting for?
I went through a growth spurt.
♪ Won't anybody help us?
Slow down. The man's not going anywhere.
I want to visit my dad without running into my mom,
and I know she's having her morning papaya right now.
Hello.
Mom, you're here early.
No papaya today?
Banana. Better for on the go.
Mmm.
I was gonna drop these by later,
but you may as well take them by now.
Ooh, a present?
Clothes, because you won't stop growing.
I had a nightmare you ripped out of your outfits
like the Incredible Hulk.
Please don't make me angry.
You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
both: Ahh!
Hey!
It's the High Chief's anniversary.
Show some respect.
Mom, do you want to go first?
We've already talked.
Hi, Dad.
I wish you were here.
I could really use some of your advice.
On what to do with their failing business, High Chief.
About our burgeoning business,
which is already a big success.
- But it's not really. - Mom, do you mind?
I'm trying to have a private conversation with dad.
What, can't a bereaved widow talk to her husband
on the anniversary of his untimely passing?
Rest in peace, High Chief.
Just stop interrupting.
- Oh, calm down. - I am calm.
Their second arena show was a bust.
Look, we were expecting a bigger crowd, yes.
They booked too big of an arena
and then couldn't fill it.
Ha, the wind blew our advertising posters away.
Of course, the wind.
Was the wind so excited to get the Crockett wrestlers
it didn't read the fine print in the contract?
Maybe you should spend some time focusing
on your own business instead of talking about--
- Boo! I'm a skeleton. - [gasps]
[laughs]
Sorry. I couldn't resist.
Afa's just parking the car.
This place is a madhouse on Saturdays.
Well, this was fun. You ready, babe?
- Oh. - Okay, great, let's go.
The family divide was growing on all fronts,
and I wondered if we were past the point of no return.
Despite the challenges from home,
some good news came from abroad.
Oh, this one's for you.
Whoever sent it must have spent a fortune on stamps.
'Ello, 'ello.
Who's writing me letters from England?
Well, if it's more tasteful nudes
from your female fans, they can go right in the bin.
It's no nudes, just Andre.
Oh.
"Dear Rocky, how are you?
"I am fine.
"I'm having fun in England,
"even though the food here is like the kind we give
"to the pigs in France.
"Please come visit.
P.S. I already buy you a ticket."
Eh-hey-hey-hey, first-class, baby.
Andre knows I love those ice-cold dinner rolls.
But of course I can't go,
not with the business the way it is.
I think you should go.
Babe, you know it's just not that simple.
I can't.
It's make-or-break time for WPW.
It wouldn't be right.
Look, between the business and my mom,
we're both under a lot of stress.
I think it's a good time to clear our heads
and think strategically.
Sorry, are you packing as you're saying you're not going?
No.
Go.
I love you, but this apartment is too small for two people,
let alone two married business partners.
We will deal with the WPW when you get back.
Go see Andre.
Right-o.
[telephone rings]
John, shall I get it?
No, hon, I got it.
I got it. I got it.
Come on, come on, come on. Hello, anybody on the line?
Oh, no, the phoenix tattoo.
Marlena, you've fallen in love with Roman's murderer.
[touch-tones beeping]
[line trills, phone beeps]
[touch-tones beeping]
[line trilling]
I told you no one named Gina lives here.
No, it's me, Lah.
Lia? Everything okay?
Are we losing money somewhere?
I was just calling to say hello.
- Why? - Oh, no reason.
Do you like the show "Days of Our Lives"?
I only watch documentaries about baseball.
Oh, you'd love it, Lah.
There's this character called John Black, and--
There was a baseball team called the Black Sox.
And in 1919 their star, Shoeless Joe Jackson--
[phone beeps] He would...
[dial tone droning]
[telephone rings]
Y-ello.
Aha, Rocky, you snake.
You thought you could avoid me forever?
How are you gonna leave me in [bleep] Saudi Arabia?
Who's that on the phone?
- Uncle Afa. - Tell him I said hi.
You might want to tell him yourself.
I don't [bleep] know what to do!
- Afa. - [bleep] [bleep].
My mom and I both learned some new vocabulary that day.
[phone beeps]
It's not my fault being large and firm.
I don't even go to the gym.
Oh!
- Cut. - Cutting.
[chuckles]
You're supposed to throw the rock behind you, Andre.
- Oh. - Remember?
Yeah, and what was that "large and firm"?
I also forgot the words.
[sighs]
Going again!
Going again.
[sighs]
Rocky.
[laughs]
Ha-ha!
Or I just we could just take lunch.
That's lunch! [bell rings]
Not hungry?
English food is disgusting.
But Andre asked his agent to organize a special lunch
delivered just for him, some lovely French cheese.
Chicken and peas?
Uh, how's that chicken cooked?
With peas.
How about you, big fella?
Let me guess, double peas.
No, no, no, no.
I want my reblochon from Le Plateau de Beaureguard.
Never met him, mate.
All I've got is chicken and peas.
I don't the chicken and peas.
I want my reblochon from Le Plateau de Beaureguard!
- Hey, Andre, it's-- - No, it's not okay, Rocky!
Where is my cheese, Englishman?
Oh, cheese.
Well, why didn't you say so?
[laughs]
English cheddar.
- [groans] - Best in the world.
How many slices you want?
I quit!
I didn't get my chicken.
Aha!
He finally emerges from behind the telephone.
Uh, Sika.
I thought you were Afa.
You look the same from the back.
I'm sorry for yelling at you just now.
Oh, that's okay.
I've dated a lot of yellers over the years.
It's an energy I'm used to.
Oh.
You look like you could use a cup of tea.
[gentle guitar music]
While my mom was working things out with my uncles,
my growth spurt and lack of supervision
opened up a whole new world for me.
Well, I know what I want to see.
- Me too. - Me three.
How about "The Gods Must Be Crazy"?
Ugh, fine.
But it's rated R. We need an adult.
Guys, I got this.
I just went through a growth spurt.
And I got a moustache.
It's a done deal.
Or I could go.
I too recently completed a growth spurt.
And I also have a couple lip hairs.
You know what? Yeah, Dewey should do it.
Four tickets for "Blue Velvet."
I'm a teacher, by the way. These are my students.
You're taking teenagers to see this movie?
What class do you teach?
Biology.
Hm.
Wish we had teachers like you when I was in school.
Enjoy the movie, Professor. - Thanks.
Mm.
"I don't want peas. I want cheese!"
[laughter]
You're right. You're right.
I apologize, Rocky.
But the English food does not agree
with my sophisticated French palate.
I once saw you fight a dog on the beach
for a turkey leg.
Yeah, that dog was greedy
and fat.
[laughter]
It is very good to see you, mon ami.
Acting is fun, but I miss my friends.
Hey, me too.
Getting WPW off the ground has been battle after battle.
I miss the simple days back when we was on the road.
D'accord.
Everyone on set is always telling Andre what to do.
"Stand here, Andre. Say this, Andre.
Don't eat the prop food, Andre."
Just let Andre be Andre.
It's like this beef I got going on with Afa.
I make a decision for myself without consulting him,
and I'm supposed to apologize?
I'd rather give Lars Anderson a body rub.
[laughs]
Hey, to us, two sensitive souls.
[glass dings]
The hell you calling sensitive?
Whether it was Hawaii or England,
my family couldn't avoid conflict.
Rocky.
Rocky!
You sure you don't want a scone?
They're apricot. - Oh, no.
Thank you. This is perfect.
And sorry again about earlier.
All this stuff with my mom and the business
really has me on edge.
Don't mention it.
You know, sometimes it's not about what it's about.
Sika, what did I tell you about using my shampoo
as body wash, man?
See? This is a really good example.
He isn't really mad about the shampoo.
He's made because I forgot to tape
"Unsolved Mysteries" for him.
Someday if you want to get your own shampoo, you...
[sighs]
All I wanted was an apology,
even a Rocky apology,
where he blames it on bad clams.
But radio silence, that's cold, man.
Ice cold, bruh.
You know what Rocky's like. He doesn't mean it.
He's just conflict-avoidant.
[laughs]
All I'm saying is, give him a break.
Tell him to say he's sorry.
Sorry or not, you're still family.
So you have to find a way to make up.
You need each other. - Like you and Lia?
That's different.
[both slurping]
Sensitive, my ass.
Hey, can I get a ride to the airport?
[horn honks]
I'm sorry, Rocky,
you are sensitive about being sensitive.
I am not sensitive.
It's not bad.
Being sensitive means you have lots of feelings.
And feelings mean you care about other people.
Heh, picture Andre,
sensitive and French.
[laughs] Twice the feelings.
I do have a lot of feelings.
And it's important to try to understand them, huh?
I learned this in California
talking with a wise man with glasses.
It all goes back to childhood.
What does?
Everything,
like Andre getting very upset at cheese man today.
Huh? [chuckles]
I get upset because...
I'm homesick.
And the cheese always reminds me of France.
[gentle music]
Maybe this is why you're avoiding Afa too, no?
You're right.
I am?
Hell no.
Andre, I don't care what hippy-dippy nonsense
you picked up in California, but childhood doesn't matter.
I didn't even get to have a childhood, and look.
I turned out just fine.
Mom kicked me out on my ass at 13 years old,
no thank yous, no nothing, because I made her choose.
She chose him, so I hitchhiked my way up out of there
with nothing.
Everything I got I had to build by myself.
I built a whole life out of nothing.
I built Rocky Johnson out of nothing.
So I don't see how in the hell that has anything
to do with me avoiding Afa.
Because when you were little,
your family turned their back on you.
And you had to build a whole new one out of nothing, huh?
And maybe, just maybe you are afraid of it happening again.
And you do to them before they can do to you.
♪
[indistinct chatter]
[sighs]
That was awesome.
- Yeah. - Hey, it's still early.
We should keep the night rolling.
[rock music]
♪
I'm gonna need to see some ID.
♪
My ex-wife took the house.
You're gonna try to take my dignity too?
♪
Enjoy, guys.
Beer's on me.
[siren chirps]
Son, I am arrested you
for providing alcohol to minors.
But I'm a minor.
Sure you are, buddy, and I'm Liza Minnelli.
Watch your head.
Officer Rogers here.
Busted another perv buying beer for minors.
♪
I had a feeling my arrest wouldn't ease tensions
within the family.
Johnson, you're free to go.
Free to go?
He's all yours, Lia.
You better keep an eye on this one.
Oh, I will.
And I'm sorry he caused such a ruckus.
Thank you, Officer.
Enjoy those pineapple muffins.
Mahalo.
Come on, Dewey, you little rascal.
Ow.
- Get in the car. - That hurts.
Oh, come on, Grandma.
I already said I'm sorry.
Can't you give me a break?
Give you a break?
From what,
sneaking your friends into psychosexual thrillers?
You know about that?
First your mother and Rocky betray me, and now you?
You're supposed to be the one person I can trust right now.
And look what you've become, a booze baron.
[scoffs]
[sighs]
I am happy the High Chief isn't alive
to see what a mess I've made.
He came to this place to start this business,
to make a place for his family, and I've ruined it.
I've ruined everything.
Grandma, you know that's not true.
And I promise I won't step out of line again.
That didn't wind up being true,
but it felt right to say in the moment.
I'm going to take my Golden Wok into my room tonight.
It's the dinner I deserve.
[doorbell rings]
Sh... Rocky.
Look, I know I'm not the best at apologies.
So I thought I'd let the card do the talking.
Only one they had.
So we good?
Good?
Of course we're good. We family, brother.
Like he told my mom, all my Uncle Afa
needed was to hear an apology.
Hey, speaking of family, I need a favor.
[laughs] Of course you do.
Rocky?
What's going on here?
Where's the gang of teens you saw vandalizing graves?
- There were no teens. - What?
How can I put this?
What are you doing here?
And where is the photographer from the "Headstone" magazine?
Afa called me to tell me Peter got the cover.
There's no such thing as "Headstone" magazine, Mom.
Rocky and Afa lied to us.
Had to, only way to be sure both of you
would show up to this.
To what?
This. [chuckles]
It's my plan. - What plan?
This is a plan?
Yes, to bring you two together,
so you could talk it out.
I know it sounds dumb.
But someone I trust told me it helped him,
so I figured it could help you too.
What are we supposed to talk about?
It doesn't matter.
Okay?
Just talk.
[sighs]
John Black has the phoenix tattoo.
What?
He's Roman's killer!
Does Marlena know? - She does.
She wanted to get away from him in the cabin,
but he could sense her fear.
Oh, my God. When did this happen?
I wanted to tell you, and I kept trying to call you,
and then I remembered we're not speaking,
and then I hang up again.
That was you?
Oh, Mom.
[gentle music]
♪
I just wanted to say what a great job
you've been doing with Dewey.
Well, you raised a good boy.
That wasn't true, and my grandma knew it.
Not like John Black.
John Black is an idiot.
Oh, my God, so did she run away from him or...
But she loved my mom too much to let her know it.
So my parents and my grandmother,
they were able to work themselves
through a very sticky situation,
not by digging in on their differences
but by rallying around what they had in common,
what united them.
Absolutely. Absolutely.
Part of a healthy democracy is the right to disagree.
But it's our common ground that will always bind us.
As your prime minister,
our nation's interest will always be
at the forefront of my agenda.
Dwayne, do you mind if I share with them
what we spoke about the other night?
Sure.
Well, it turns out that Mr. Johnson here
came to our country with a secret agenda.
He came to secure a trade deal to export
our Gjelgjiughm coffee to the United States,
a deal that I had already rejected
directly to President Taft.
[tense music]
♪
That is true.
♪
But I still feel after spending time
in your amazing country
with your incredible people
that we can come to terms on a deal
that is mutually beneficial.
Well, as I said to all of the critics
when "Baywatch" the movie came out,
I respectfully disagree.
[laughter]
Gjelgjiughm will never engage
in a coffee trade deal with the United States.
[indistinct chatter]