1 00:00:03,916 --> 00:00:08,965 ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪ 2 00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:10,532 ♪ We wish you-- 3 00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:13,013 ♪ 4 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:15,972 Hello and Merry Christmas. 5 00:00:15,972 --> 00:00:19,367 I am Dwanta Claus, and during this time of the year, 6 00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:21,847 I like to rip the sleeves off my jacket 7 00:00:21,847 --> 00:00:23,762 and put on a hat with a bell, 8 00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:26,852 and I like to reflect back on family, friends, 9 00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:31,944 and what makes this holiday so very special. 10 00:00:31,944 --> 00:00:34,077 I love Christmas 11 00:00:34,077 --> 00:00:36,384 because it's all about the three G's, 12 00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:41,606 gathering, giving, and getting loose on eggnog. 13 00:00:41,606 --> 00:00:43,391 Now of course, when you're a little kid, 14 00:00:43,391 --> 00:00:47,482 it's most about one thing: the toys. 15 00:00:47,482 --> 00:00:48,831 I've been talking a lot about 16 00:00:48,831 --> 00:00:50,659 all the money troubles we had in Hawaii, 17 00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:53,749 but Christmas 1983 was before all that, 18 00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:56,230 when we were still riding high and I was about to learn 19 00:00:56,230 --> 00:00:58,536 a very valuable lesson in gift-giving. 20 00:00:58,536 --> 00:01:01,104 What are these cartoon shoes on your feet? 21 00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:02,584 Nice, right? 22 00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:04,716 They're from the Jane Seymour for Mervyn's collection. 23 00:01:04,716 --> 00:01:06,849 I can't get over these. I love them so much. 24 00:01:06,849 --> 00:01:08,242 They're so soft. 25 00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:10,200 Got them as a little Christmas gift to myself. 26 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:14,117 Speaking of Christmas gifts... 27 00:01:14,117 --> 00:01:16,163 as much as I love the Radish Baby 28 00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:17,773 that you got me last year... 29 00:01:17,773 --> 00:01:19,383 [dramatic musical sting] - [indistinct whispering] 30 00:01:19,383 --> 00:01:21,298 [echoing baby cry] 31 00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:23,909 That doll is not right. 32 00:01:23,909 --> 00:01:26,738 We knew it wasn't exactly what I asked for, 33 00:01:26,738 --> 00:01:28,175 which is fine. 34 00:01:28,175 --> 00:01:32,179 But this year I made it very easy for you. 35 00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:33,789 Here's a page from the toy catalogue 36 00:01:33,789 --> 00:01:36,879 where I figured Skeletor, the action figure I want, 37 00:01:36,879 --> 00:01:38,054 so you know what it looks like. 38 00:01:38,054 --> 00:01:39,360 Why does he have muscles on his body 39 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:41,057 but not on his face? 40 00:01:41,057 --> 00:01:43,407 Also, I called the store to make sure that it was in stock, 41 00:01:43,407 --> 00:01:46,106 and they've put it aside on a 48-hour hold. 42 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,672 Here's a map, just in case. 43 00:01:47,672 --> 00:01:50,980 [laughs] Okay. Well, thank you, Dewey. 44 00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:53,591 I will make sure to pass all this info along to Santa. 45 00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:55,506 [laughs] Sure. 46 00:01:55,506 --> 00:01:56,594 [laughs] 47 00:01:56,594 --> 00:01:59,293 But it's on hold under your name! 48 00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:01,686 You put a lot of thought into what gift you want. 49 00:02:01,686 --> 00:02:04,385 Yeah, well, just between us, 50 00:02:04,385 --> 00:02:06,430 I kind of hate that Radish Baby. 51 00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,867 Don't want another disaster like that. 52 00:02:08,867 --> 00:02:10,217 [dramatic musical sting] 53 00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:13,002 Wait, where did he go? 54 00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:15,222 [echoing baby cry] 55 00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:17,354 I hope you put in the same amount of thought 56 00:02:17,354 --> 00:02:19,487 into the gift you get for your mom. 57 00:02:19,487 --> 00:02:21,489 What? Adults give gifts to kids, 58 00:02:21,489 --> 00:02:22,664 not the other way around. 59 00:02:22,664 --> 00:02:24,927 I see. So you don't love your mother. 60 00:02:24,927 --> 00:02:26,276 That's not what I'm saying. 61 00:02:26,276 --> 00:02:27,973 Then why do you want to make her feel unloved? 62 00:02:27,973 --> 00:02:29,279 I don't. 63 00:02:29,279 --> 00:02:32,152 Good, then you will get her a gift. 64 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,893 I'm glad you see it my way, son. 65 00:02:34,893 --> 00:02:41,857 ♪ 66 00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:45,643 I'm telling you, we need to be making our own baby oil. 67 00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:46,992 That way we don't gotta keep buying it. 68 00:02:46,992 --> 00:02:48,342 Oh, no way, brother. 69 00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:50,953 I do not wanna know how they get oil 70 00:02:50,953 --> 00:02:52,215 out of them babies. 71 00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:53,956 Just saying. - Hey, Dad. 72 00:02:53,956 --> 00:02:55,479 Dewey, what are you doing here? 73 00:02:55,479 --> 00:02:56,785 I need some advice. 74 00:02:56,785 --> 00:02:58,395 I don't know what to get my mom for Christmas. 75 00:02:58,395 --> 00:02:59,831 - Join the club. - Dewey. 76 00:02:59,831 --> 00:03:01,006 You wish to give the gifts this year, huh? 77 00:03:01,006 --> 00:03:02,486 Not just receive them? 78 00:03:02,486 --> 00:03:04,053 You are like a little Père Noel. 79 00:03:04,053 --> 00:03:05,315 I'm going to get you a robe. 80 00:03:05,315 --> 00:03:06,708 You should get her a hot tub, a big one, 81 00:03:06,708 --> 00:03:07,839 you know, one that we can all fit in. 82 00:03:07,839 --> 00:03:09,841 I have a box of costume jewelry 83 00:03:09,841 --> 00:03:12,496 from my great aunt Deb that I am looking to unload. 84 00:03:12,496 --> 00:03:14,672 No, she does not want any more jewelry. 85 00:03:14,672 --> 00:03:18,328 Last year I got us matching diamond tennis bracelets. 86 00:03:18,328 --> 00:03:19,373 She said it was irresponsible... 87 00:03:19,373 --> 00:03:21,026 - Pfft. - Which is crazy. 88 00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:23,551 These are an investment. 89 00:03:24,813 --> 00:03:25,770 Oh, shoot. 90 00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:26,989 Then I guess the hot tub wins. 91 00:03:26,989 --> 00:03:28,164 Oh, make sure it's a big one, 92 00:03:28,164 --> 00:03:29,339 you know, one that we could all fit in. 93 00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:31,123 I don't think I can buy her a hot tub. 94 00:03:31,123 --> 00:03:32,255 Wish I could help you, Dewey, 95 00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:34,344 but your mom is very hard to shop for. 96 00:03:34,344 --> 00:03:35,998 There's gotta be something she'd like. 97 00:03:35,998 --> 00:03:38,479 I wish there was a toy catalogue for adults. 98 00:03:38,479 --> 00:03:40,785 It'd be so much easier if I could just see a bunch 99 00:03:40,785 --> 00:03:42,352 of gifts and choose one. 100 00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:45,355 Dewey, you just described a mall. 101 00:03:45,355 --> 00:03:47,836 Oh, yeah, a mall. [André chuckles] 102 00:03:47,836 --> 00:03:49,359 [bright music] 103 00:03:49,359 --> 00:03:51,448 But the mall was a bust. 104 00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:53,755 I wasn't seeing anything I liked for my mom. 105 00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:55,626 However... 106 00:03:55,626 --> 00:03:57,062 Oh, candy. 107 00:03:57,062 --> 00:03:59,282 No. Gotta stay focused. 108 00:03:59,282 --> 00:04:00,283 I'm here for Mom. 109 00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:01,632 Ho, ho, ho, ho. 110 00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:04,592 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. 111 00:04:04,592 --> 00:04:06,289 [sighs] 112 00:04:06,289 --> 00:04:07,899 Merry Christmas. 113 00:04:07,899 --> 00:04:10,293 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. 114 00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:12,339 [laughs] Well, aren't you a little big 115 00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:14,123 to sit on Santa's lap? 116 00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:16,299 Yeah, I'm not here for me. 117 00:04:16,299 --> 00:04:18,780 I need to get a gift for my mom. 118 00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:22,305 Well, uh, what does your mom like? 119 00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:23,828 Me. 120 00:04:23,828 --> 00:04:25,352 Anything else? 121 00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:28,093 ["Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"] 122 00:04:28,093 --> 00:04:30,966 ♪ Hark! The Herald angels-- ♪ 123 00:04:30,966 --> 00:04:32,141 I got nothing. 124 00:04:32,141 --> 00:04:34,926 Look, kid, my honest opinion, 125 00:04:34,926 --> 00:04:37,451 it doesn't really matter what the gift is. 126 00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:40,149 What matters is how it makes the person feel. 127 00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:42,238 Well, I'm sure your mom's gonna like anything 128 00:04:42,238 --> 00:04:47,983 you give her, even if you just slap googly eyes on a coconut. 129 00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:49,114 [rattling] 130 00:04:49,114 --> 00:04:50,551 Nice. 131 00:04:50,551 --> 00:04:53,554 Might have overdone it with the glitter paint. 132 00:04:53,554 --> 00:04:55,730 Gonna have to sun dry. 133 00:04:55,730 --> 00:04:56,905 [laughs] 134 00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:01,126 Ah! No! 135 00:05:01,126 --> 00:05:03,128 [dramatic music] 136 00:05:03,128 --> 00:05:07,002 [in slow motion] No! 137 00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:10,527 No, no, no, no, no. 138 00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:13,138 [keys jingling] 139 00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:14,488 No! 140 00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:21,930 I'm home. 141 00:05:24,236 --> 00:05:25,325 Hi, Mom. 142 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,196 - Were you doing crafts? - No! 143 00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:30,155 I was just... organizing the craft supplies. 144 00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:32,506 Someone put a glue stick inside of the Magic Marker tray. 145 00:05:32,506 --> 00:05:33,985 People are animals. 146 00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:35,247 What a great idea. 147 00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:36,640 Hey, if you're in the mood for organizing, 148 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,468 the linen closet is a disaster. 149 00:05:38,468 --> 00:05:40,383 Yeah, I'll get on that later. 150 00:05:40,383 --> 00:05:42,342 I have an errand to run for Grandma. 151 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:43,691 What errand? 152 00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:45,475 [suspenseful music] 153 00:05:45,475 --> 00:05:47,608 Her--her mango shipment was late 154 00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:49,000 so she asked me to go to the store and get her some. 155 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,350 Okay, bye. 156 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,829 Smooth, right? 157 00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:55,877 So now I had a Christmas disaster to clean up. 158 00:05:55,877 --> 00:05:58,445 [sighs] 159 00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:01,883 Yes, they're not sold-out. 160 00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:03,580 $15? 161 00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:06,888 What are these made out of, gold doubloons? 162 00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:08,411 Can I help you? 163 00:06:08,411 --> 00:06:12,328 You look too young to be here, but too old to be lost. 164 00:06:12,328 --> 00:06:14,286 Um, I need to get these slippers, 165 00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:17,420 but I can't afford them. 166 00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:20,205 Okay, well, come back when you can. 167 00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:21,424 [laughs] Merry Christmas. 168 00:06:21,424 --> 00:06:22,686 Wait. 169 00:06:22,686 --> 00:06:28,344 What if I gave you... 170 00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:32,174 four dollars and... 171 00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:34,872 this wallet? 172 00:06:34,872 --> 00:06:36,570 No, sorry. 173 00:06:36,570 --> 00:06:39,268 Look, Brig-itty. 174 00:06:39,268 --> 00:06:40,400 Brigitte. 175 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,750 - Bresheet. - No. 176 00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:45,405 I'm a businessman, and you're a businesswoman. 177 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,668 And as businesspeople, we can both agree 178 00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:50,801 that $15 is way too much for a pair of slippers. 179 00:06:50,801 --> 00:06:52,455 [laughs] You're too young to know how embarrassing 180 00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:55,502 this is for you, but this is a Mervyn's. 181 00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:56,459 We don't haggle. 182 00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:58,548 [laughs] 183 00:06:58,548 --> 00:07:01,203 I was gonna need a Christmas miracle. 184 00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:07,818 I failed to get my mom new slippers, 185 00:07:07,818 --> 00:07:09,820 and my frustrations were at an all-time high. 186 00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:11,474 Hey! 187 00:07:11,474 --> 00:07:15,217 One of your colleagues gave me some very bad advice earlier. 188 00:07:15,217 --> 00:07:17,393 He said my mom would be happy with anything, 189 00:07:17,393 --> 00:07:20,222 so I made her a stupid coconut with googly eyes, 190 00:07:20,222 --> 00:07:23,051 and then I dropped it on her Jane Seymour slippers. 191 00:07:23,051 --> 00:07:24,879 But I can't replace them 192 00:07:24,879 --> 00:07:26,924 because Mervyn's doesn't haggle. 193 00:07:26,924 --> 00:07:29,013 So now her entire Christmas is ruined, 194 00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:32,277 and she's literally a Christmas angel. 195 00:07:32,277 --> 00:07:36,499 Maybe you should ask Santa to bring you some slippers. 196 00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:38,109 Ho, ho, ho. [laughs] - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 197 00:07:38,109 --> 00:07:40,808 Enjoy your orange chicken. - [chuckles] 198 00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:42,766 My time had run out. 199 00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:45,465 It was Christmas morning and I got my Skeletor, 200 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,076 which made me feel even worse about the slippers. 201 00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:49,947 Back to socks like the rest of us. 202 00:07:49,947 --> 00:07:51,514 What happened to your poodle shoes? 203 00:07:51,514 --> 00:07:53,037 Can't find them. 204 00:07:53,037 --> 00:07:55,083 I'm hoping they're buried somewhere in the linen closet. 205 00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:57,738 Last gift and it's for you. 206 00:07:57,738 --> 00:07:59,087 But you already gave me my gift, 207 00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:01,568 this, uh, lovely umbrella hat. 208 00:08:01,568 --> 00:08:04,092 So my baby will always have some shade. 209 00:08:04,092 --> 00:08:05,833 - Ah. [laughs] - But this one's not from me. 210 00:08:05,833 --> 00:08:07,312 It's from Dewey. 211 00:08:07,312 --> 00:08:08,705 It is? 212 00:08:08,705 --> 00:08:11,403 Oh, Dewey, you didn't have to get me anything. 213 00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:13,580 That's so sweet. 214 00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,495 Aww. 215 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:16,713 What is it? 216 00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:19,063 It's a little coconut with googly eyes. 217 00:08:19,063 --> 00:08:21,283 Look at his little hat. 218 00:08:21,283 --> 00:08:25,287 Dewey, I love it so much. 219 00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:28,333 God damn, I could've just been making coconuts. 220 00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:30,292 Okay, let's eat breakfast. 221 00:08:30,292 --> 00:08:33,774 Mr. Coconut gets a special place on the table. 222 00:08:33,774 --> 00:08:35,993 Good job, Dewey. 223 00:08:39,693 --> 00:08:42,652 [soft mysterious music] 224 00:08:42,652 --> 00:08:49,572 ♪ 225 00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,665 The slippers. 226 00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:59,147 ♪ 227 00:08:59,147 --> 00:09:01,628 Mom, I found your slippers. 228 00:09:01,628 --> 00:09:03,064 So to this very day... - Oh! 229 00:09:03,064 --> 00:09:05,632 I don't know if that was Santa Claus or not, 230 00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:09,157 but I do know that I am a believer in Christmas magic 231 00:09:09,157 --> 00:09:11,507 and the gift of giving. 232 00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:13,640 Now that Christmas in Hawaii was the first time 233 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:16,947 I ever experienced the joy of giving a gift. 234 00:09:16,947 --> 00:09:18,340 And from then on, 235 00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:23,301 I was absolutely obsessed with it. 236 00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:25,826 The coconut with googly eyes became a tradition 237 00:09:25,826 --> 00:09:27,392 for me and my mom. 238 00:09:27,392 --> 00:09:29,177 I still make her one every year. 239 00:09:29,177 --> 00:09:31,440 Hey, can that one be from both of us? 240 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,181 I have no idea what to get her. 241 00:09:33,181 --> 00:09:36,445 Sorry, Dad. These coconuts are all mine. 242 00:09:36,445 --> 00:09:38,665 Dewey, I need you to come to work with me today. 243 00:09:38,665 --> 00:09:40,492 Why? 244 00:09:40,492 --> 00:09:41,798 My client Suzanne is hosting a big Christmas party tonight. 245 00:09:41,798 --> 00:09:43,321 I need extra help with, you know, cleaning, 246 00:09:43,321 --> 00:09:44,758 getting everything set up for her. 247 00:09:44,758 --> 00:09:46,977 Hey, at least you don't have to go to the party. 248 00:09:46,977 --> 00:09:48,588 Probably boring as hell. 249 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,590 Don't include me in your conversation. 250 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,635 No, I don't ski. 251 00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:54,463 We're going to the party as well, you too. 252 00:09:54,463 --> 00:09:55,638 I love how you just assume 253 00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:57,074 that I have nothing to do all day 254 00:09:57,074 --> 00:09:59,381 and free to come to work with you and go to a party. 255 00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:02,123 Do you have something to do today? 256 00:10:02,123 --> 00:10:03,385 No. 257 00:10:03,385 --> 00:10:06,388 [mellow holiday music] 258 00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:08,303 Bathrooms are all cleaned and stocked 259 00:10:08,303 --> 00:10:09,826 with Christmas tree hand soaps. - [chuckles] 260 00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:11,959 Which I'm pretty sure permanently stained my hands. 261 00:10:11,959 --> 00:10:13,700 [gasps] Oh. [door closes] 262 00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,049 How's everything going? 263 00:10:15,049 --> 00:10:17,660 - We're all done. - Oh, good. 264 00:10:17,660 --> 00:10:19,009 Well, before you go, 265 00:10:19,009 --> 00:10:20,663 I just wanted to give you a little something. 266 00:10:20,663 --> 00:10:22,447 Damn, that's not a little anything. 267 00:10:22,447 --> 00:10:24,275 Oh, you didn't have to give us a gift. 268 00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:25,929 I just wanted to thank you for all your hard work 269 00:10:25,929 --> 00:10:27,235 this year. 270 00:10:27,235 --> 00:10:28,584 Go ahead. Open it. 271 00:10:34,155 --> 00:10:38,202 Oh! Oh, wow, an ice cream maker. 272 00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:40,291 Oh, this is so nice. Thank you so much. 273 00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:41,728 Yeah, thanks. 274 00:10:41,728 --> 00:10:44,382 We got you something too, uh, just left it at home. 275 00:10:44,382 --> 00:10:45,949 We'll bring it to the party. - Mm-hmm. 276 00:10:45,949 --> 00:10:47,821 Aw, you got me a present? 277 00:10:47,821 --> 00:10:48,865 That is so sweet. 278 00:10:48,865 --> 00:10:50,258 I love presents. 279 00:10:50,258 --> 00:10:51,738 See you tonight? 280 00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:55,263 We didn't get her a present. 281 00:10:55,263 --> 00:10:57,744 We'll figure something out. 282 00:10:57,744 --> 00:11:00,616 That started my next lesson in gift-giving. 283 00:11:00,616 --> 00:11:02,618 As a teenager, I thought it was pretty simple. 284 00:11:02,618 --> 00:11:04,533 You get a gift, and you give a gift. 285 00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:06,796 But it's not always that cut and dry. 286 00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:09,320 He's unable to get up now. A nice-- 287 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:10,713 Rocky, get up. 288 00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:11,888 We need to go to the mall and get Suzanne a gift. 289 00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:13,368 A gift? 290 00:11:13,368 --> 00:11:15,675 But she's your boss. You don't gift up. 291 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,502 Did I ever get a gift for Vince? 292 00:11:17,502 --> 00:11:19,026 You never got a gift for Vince? 293 00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:22,159 The man owns a T. rex skull. The hell can I buy him? 294 00:11:22,159 --> 00:11:23,291 Dewey promised Suzanne a gift, 295 00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:24,596 so now we have to get her a gift, 296 00:11:24,596 --> 00:11:25,989 and it needs to be something as nice 297 00:11:25,989 --> 00:11:27,817 as this beautiful ice cream maker. 298 00:11:27,817 --> 00:11:29,471 ♪ 299 00:11:29,471 --> 00:11:31,342 Come on. The party's in a couple hours. 300 00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:33,301 ♪ 301 00:11:33,301 --> 00:11:34,868 [growls] 302 00:11:37,218 --> 00:11:40,612 Okay, we need a nice gift that costs almost nothing. 303 00:11:40,612 --> 00:11:42,919 Our prayers have been answered. 304 00:11:42,919 --> 00:11:45,748 You wanna enter a radio contest for an ATV? 305 00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:47,750 It's free, ain't it? 306 00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:49,273 I say we just go to Le Chic Boutique 307 00:11:49,273 --> 00:11:51,014 and buy the least expensive thing we can find. 308 00:11:51,014 --> 00:11:52,842 We can get the store to wrap it so it looks fancy. 309 00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:54,061 - Sounds like a plan. - Come on, Rocky. 310 00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:56,106 And go! [air horn blasts] 311 00:11:56,106 --> 00:11:58,718 Rocky. 312 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,502 Oh, trust me. I can win this thing. 313 00:12:00,502 --> 00:12:03,505 [sighs] We'll see you at home. 314 00:12:03,505 --> 00:12:04,593 Fans of wrestling, anyone? 315 00:12:04,593 --> 00:12:06,334 Eh, mm. 316 00:12:06,334 --> 00:12:08,771 ♪ 317 00:12:08,771 --> 00:12:12,470 Ooh, so graceful. 318 00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:14,429 $300? 319 00:12:14,429 --> 00:12:15,778 What, does it grant wishes? 320 00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:17,301 This is the cheapest thing I could find. 321 00:12:17,301 --> 00:12:19,042 [sighs] 322 00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:21,262 "You wash... I'll die." 323 00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:22,916 Instead of "I'll dry." 324 00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,787 [laughs] - This is no use. 325 00:12:24,787 --> 00:12:27,311 Everything in here is too expensive. 326 00:12:27,311 --> 00:12:29,139 You know, I could... 327 00:12:29,139 --> 00:12:30,358 What? 328 00:12:30,358 --> 00:12:31,489 [whispering] I could get us something 329 00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:32,577 without paying for it. 330 00:12:32,577 --> 00:12:34,275 How? Do you have a coupon? 331 00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:37,104 No. I mean... 332 00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:39,628 Stealing? 333 00:12:39,628 --> 00:12:40,803 At Christmastime? 334 00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:43,327 Certainly not anymore. 335 00:12:43,327 --> 00:12:44,807 Should probably pay for this. They're definitely gonna think 336 00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:45,808 we stole something. 337 00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:47,549 [sighs] 338 00:12:47,549 --> 00:12:49,681 Well, at least it's cheap. 339 00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:50,857 [gasps] 340 00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:52,162 - What? - I know what her gift can be. 341 00:12:52,162 --> 00:12:54,686 We can make ice cream for Suzanne. 342 00:12:54,686 --> 00:12:56,384 There's no better feeling than knowing 343 00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:58,299 that someone really appreciates the gift you give them, right? 344 00:12:58,299 --> 00:13:00,170 That's what that gasp was for? 345 00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:02,303 I thought you saw a rat. - [groans] 346 00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:04,653 There's so many parts to assemble. 347 00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:07,787 First it says we need the driver ring? 348 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:08,875 [pieces clattering] 349 00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:11,703 - Wait, this is open? - Yeah. 350 00:13:11,703 --> 00:13:12,704 And what's this on the manual? 351 00:13:12,704 --> 00:13:15,098 Is this red wine? 352 00:13:15,098 --> 00:13:16,796 Suzanne must have used this. 353 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,145 This is a regift? 354 00:13:18,145 --> 00:13:19,668 She didn't put any thought into this. 355 00:13:19,668 --> 00:13:22,192 But all she did was wrap up something she didn't want. 356 00:13:22,192 --> 00:13:25,065 That's not even a gift. That's decorated trash. 357 00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:27,110 [mysterious holiday music] 358 00:13:27,110 --> 00:13:29,852 And that's exactly what we're gonna give her. 359 00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:31,201 Two contestants left. 360 00:13:31,201 --> 00:13:34,204 Who's gonna win? - Aw, you gotta tinkle winkle? 361 00:13:34,204 --> 00:13:35,815 There's a bathroom right over there. 362 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,339 [laughs] 363 00:13:38,339 --> 00:13:39,296 - Whoa! - Ah. 364 00:13:39,296 --> 00:13:40,863 Rocky Johnson! 365 00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:42,734 Can I get your autograph? - Hell yeah. 366 00:13:42,734 --> 00:13:43,779 We have a winner! 367 00:13:43,779 --> 00:13:46,695 [air horn blows] [applause] 368 00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:48,566 Aw, man! 369 00:13:48,566 --> 00:13:50,786 [sighs] Price of fame. 370 00:13:50,786 --> 00:13:52,744 Come on. 371 00:13:52,744 --> 00:13:54,094 [doorbell rings] 372 00:13:55,486 --> 00:13:56,966 - Hi! - You made it. 373 00:13:56,966 --> 00:13:58,141 We did. [laughs] 374 00:13:58,141 --> 00:13:59,360 Merry Christmas. - [laughing] Oh. 375 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,753 You didn't have to get me anything. 376 00:14:01,753 --> 00:14:05,496 Oh. 377 00:14:05,496 --> 00:14:08,717 Uh... I don't wash dishes. 378 00:14:08,717 --> 00:14:10,893 Well, maybe you could spill some red wine on it 379 00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,112 and give it to someone else. 380 00:14:12,112 --> 00:14:13,417 [laughs] 381 00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:14,941 Oh. 382 00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:17,291 Thank you. Come in, come in. 383 00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:19,423 Is your husband coming? - Oh, he had to work late. 384 00:14:19,423 --> 00:14:21,425 Oh. 385 00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:23,558 I never forgot that negative experience 386 00:14:23,558 --> 00:14:25,908 with my mom's rich boss. 387 00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:27,431 So when I got to the point in my life 388 00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:30,870 where I had a little more than 7 bucks in my pocket, 389 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:34,525 I wanted to share it and try to give people the best gifts 390 00:14:34,525 --> 00:14:36,136 they ever got. 391 00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:38,529 Like I remember this one Christmas 392 00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:40,705 at Mick Foley's house. 393 00:14:40,705 --> 00:14:43,447 Now there's one thing you should know about Mick. 394 00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:44,971 He loves Christmas. 395 00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:46,929 God, I love Christmas. 396 00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:49,540 Every year he would host a Christmas party for the guys 397 00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:51,847 and we would all do our Secret Santa. 398 00:14:51,847 --> 00:14:55,024 All right, time for Secret Santa. 399 00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:56,678 Dwayne, since this is your first time 400 00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:59,681 at my Christmas soirée, you get to open first. 401 00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:01,291 Welcome, brother. - Thanks, Mick. 402 00:15:01,291 --> 00:15:03,337 Oh, it's not from me. It's from your Secret Santa. 403 00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:04,729 Oh, okay. 404 00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:06,818 [inhales deeply] 405 00:15:06,818 --> 00:15:09,821 Oh, wow. Nice. 406 00:15:09,821 --> 00:15:11,606 My dad used to have one just like it. 407 00:15:11,606 --> 00:15:13,303 Who was this from? - Me. 408 00:15:13,303 --> 00:15:15,784 I almost got it engraved to say "Never shuts up"... 409 00:15:15,784 --> 00:15:17,742 But it's Christmas. [laughter] 410 00:15:17,742 --> 00:15:18,787 Thank you. 411 00:15:18,787 --> 00:15:21,137 This one's for... 412 00:15:21,137 --> 00:15:23,661 [gasps] Me. [laughs] 413 00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:26,012 When I drew Mick's name for Secret Santa, 414 00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:27,578 I knew I had to go all-out, 415 00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:29,711 so I got him an incredible gift. 416 00:15:29,711 --> 00:15:32,975 Wow. This is... [Dwayne chuckles] 417 00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:34,324 What am I looking at here? 418 00:15:34,324 --> 00:15:36,457 Well, the coconut is a family tradition. 419 00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:38,546 I make one for my mom every year. 420 00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:40,548 It used to be he was the only gift, 421 00:15:40,548 --> 00:15:43,551 but now he brings other gifts with him. 422 00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:44,726 And he's brought you 423 00:15:44,726 --> 00:15:46,946 an all-inclusive first-class trip 424 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,121 to the Bahamas. 425 00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:49,949 You and your family leave tomorrow 426 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,211 for the weekend. [people murmuring] 427 00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:52,864 Merry Christmas! [laughs] 428 00:15:52,864 --> 00:15:55,693 Or at least I thought it was an incredible gift. 429 00:15:55,693 --> 00:15:57,913 Turns out I had another lesson to learn. 430 00:15:57,913 --> 00:16:00,916 Wow, that's very generous. Thank you. 431 00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:04,964 All right, who's next? 432 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,488 Not quite the reaction I was expecting. 433 00:16:09,838 --> 00:16:11,622 Hey, do you guys think it was weird, 434 00:16:11,622 --> 00:16:12,580 Mick's reaction to my gift? 435 00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:14,060 It seemed like he didn't like it. 436 00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:15,626 I mean, he said thank you. 437 00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:17,193 What more could you ask for, right? 438 00:16:17,193 --> 00:16:19,587 [people chattering] 439 00:16:20,718 --> 00:16:22,546 - Ho, ho, ho, ho! - Hey, Santa. 440 00:16:22,546 --> 00:16:24,896 Hey. Excited for your trip? 441 00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:27,856 This time tomorrow, you'll be sitting by the pool. 442 00:16:27,856 --> 00:16:29,858 Actually, this time tomorrow you'll be on your layover 443 00:16:29,858 --> 00:16:32,339 in Charlotte, but it's a nice airport. 444 00:16:32,339 --> 00:16:34,254 Yeah, um, listen, man. 445 00:16:34,254 --> 00:16:35,864 I'm sorry, but I can't go. 446 00:16:35,864 --> 00:16:38,562 It's just I've a thing tomorrow I can't miss. 447 00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:41,043 But I love the coconut. - Oh, my bad. 448 00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:44,090 I, uh--I thought since we had the next few days off work 449 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,962 you'd be okay to travel on the weekend. 450 00:16:46,962 --> 00:16:49,051 Wish I could, but hey, why don't you go? 451 00:16:49,051 --> 00:16:52,185 Have some fun in the sun? - [laughs] 452 00:16:52,185 --> 00:16:54,883 I felt like I had ruined Christmas for Mick. 453 00:16:54,883 --> 00:16:57,364 A bad gift is worse than no gift at all, 454 00:16:57,364 --> 00:17:00,541 so I was determined to get him something better. 455 00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:03,109 Hey, it turns out Mick can't make the trip. 456 00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:05,720 So how 'bout you trade me your Secret Santa gift, 457 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,591 I'll give it to Mick, and you can go to the Bahamas. 458 00:17:07,591 --> 00:17:09,419 Ah, I don't know, man. 459 00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:10,725 You know, I'm just not a huge fan 460 00:17:10,725 --> 00:17:12,205 of flying over water. 461 00:17:12,205 --> 00:17:14,207 ♪ Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la ♪ 462 00:17:14,207 --> 00:17:16,644 ♪ La-la-la-la-la 463 00:17:16,644 --> 00:17:18,472 Hey, Undertaker, 464 00:17:18,472 --> 00:17:20,909 wanna trade me that-- - No. 465 00:17:20,909 --> 00:17:22,258 Hey, big head. 466 00:17:22,258 --> 00:17:24,347 - Triple H. - I'll trade you. 467 00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:25,957 I'm not a robe guy. 468 00:17:25,957 --> 00:17:28,525 Thanks to my father who could never find the belt for his. 469 00:17:28,525 --> 00:17:30,049 Okay. 470 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,399 [upbeat music] 471 00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:34,053 Hey, Mick. 472 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,750 Merry Christmas. 473 00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:37,447 Is this for me? You already got me a gift. 474 00:17:37,447 --> 00:17:38,579 Yeah, but I traded it. 475 00:17:38,579 --> 00:17:40,102 I'm sorry, man. 476 00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:42,191 I know how much you love Christmas, 477 00:17:42,191 --> 00:17:44,063 and I ruined your Secret Santa. 478 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:47,327 I just wanted to get you something great. 479 00:17:47,327 --> 00:17:50,025 Hey, come with me. I wanna show you something. 480 00:17:50,025 --> 00:17:51,418 Okay. 481 00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:54,203 You know how in matches I fall onto thumbtacks? 482 00:17:54,203 --> 00:17:55,422 Of course. 483 00:17:55,422 --> 00:17:56,858 You're the most hardcore out of all of us. 484 00:17:56,858 --> 00:17:59,556 Well, this is every tack 485 00:17:59,556 --> 00:18:01,950 I've ever pulled out of my back after a match, 486 00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:05,606 fused together to form a life-sized Tori Amos. 487 00:18:05,606 --> 00:18:08,217 Wow, I got a lot of questions about this. 488 00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:10,350 I had it made as a reminder of how far I'm willing to go 489 00:18:10,350 --> 00:18:11,916 to give a good show. 490 00:18:11,916 --> 00:18:14,267 And as a reminder of how much I love Tori Amos. 491 00:18:14,267 --> 00:18:15,616 Has Tori seen this? 492 00:18:15,616 --> 00:18:16,921 And if so, is she flattered 493 00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:18,836 or is this a restraining order situation? 494 00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:21,230 I love that feeling, man, 495 00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:24,146 knowing that you gave it absolutely everything you had 496 00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:26,801 and hearing how the crowd loves it. 497 00:18:26,801 --> 00:18:28,890 Giving is what makes me the happiest. 498 00:18:28,890 --> 00:18:30,631 I don't even like receiving gifts. 499 00:18:30,631 --> 00:18:32,894 Oh, I get that. I mean, I'm only wearing this 500 00:18:32,894 --> 00:18:34,983 because I don't wanna hurt Stone Cold's feelings. 501 00:18:34,983 --> 00:18:36,637 Yeah, giving gifts to adults 502 00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:38,639 who can buy whatever they want, it's no fun. 503 00:18:38,639 --> 00:18:40,423 You're just swapping stuff. 504 00:18:40,423 --> 00:18:43,948 That's why I drop toys off at this youth center every year. 505 00:18:43,948 --> 00:18:46,473 That's a real Christmas gift, 506 00:18:46,473 --> 00:18:47,909 donating your time and resources 507 00:18:47,909 --> 00:18:50,564 to help people less fortunate. 508 00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:52,392 I love putting on a show for those kids, 509 00:18:52,392 --> 00:18:54,394 seeing their faces light up. 510 00:18:54,394 --> 00:18:57,005 And I thought André the Giant was Christmas personified. 511 00:18:57,005 --> 00:18:58,093 Oh, ho, ho. 512 00:18:58,093 --> 00:18:59,181 You give him a run for his money. 513 00:18:59,181 --> 00:19:00,617 [laughing] Wow. 514 00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:02,793 But you know what? That toy drive sounds awesome. 515 00:19:02,793 --> 00:19:04,230 I'd love to come with. 516 00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:06,667 I'd love your help with it, but you can't come. 517 00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:09,191 Heels can't do charity events for kids. 518 00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:11,062 - [sighs] - Good guys only. 519 00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:12,673 Right. 520 00:19:12,673 --> 00:19:15,023 But do you know what would make for a good show? 521 00:19:15,023 --> 00:19:16,242 Huh? 522 00:19:16,242 --> 00:19:18,896 You kids must've been real good this year 523 00:19:18,896 --> 00:19:21,856 'cause the big guy sent lots of presents! 524 00:19:21,856 --> 00:19:23,292 [cheers and applause] Yay! 525 00:19:23,292 --> 00:19:25,642 There was one heel that could be at the event. 526 00:19:25,642 --> 00:19:27,470 Well, well, well. 527 00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:28,776 [kids whispering] 528 00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:30,430 What do we have here? 529 00:19:30,430 --> 00:19:31,953 The ultimate heel. 530 00:19:31,953 --> 00:19:34,216 Oh, no! It's the Grinch! 531 00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:37,219 [all booing] 532 00:19:37,219 --> 00:19:39,047 You better get out of here, Grinch, 533 00:19:39,047 --> 00:19:41,528 before Stone Cold sticks his mistletoe 534 00:19:41,528 --> 00:19:43,051 right up your chimney. 535 00:19:43,051 --> 00:19:46,054 I'm stealing all the toys I can find 536 00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:50,493 and giving the People's Elbow to every Santa I see. 537 00:19:50,493 --> 00:19:52,887 [kids screaming] 538 00:19:52,887 --> 00:19:55,237 The only thing you're getting, Grinch, 539 00:19:55,237 --> 00:19:56,543 is a whuppin'! 540 00:19:56,543 --> 00:19:58,197 Yeah? [both grunting] 541 00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,589 [kids cheering] 542 00:19:59,589 --> 00:20:00,764 [Stevie Wonder's "What Christmas Means to Me"] 543 00:20:00,764 --> 00:20:02,636 ♪ Lots of mistletoe 544 00:20:02,636 --> 00:20:04,072 [groans] 545 00:20:04,072 --> 00:20:05,987 - ♪ Lots of snow and ice - Ooh! 546 00:20:05,987 --> 00:20:06,901 Ah! 547 00:20:06,901 --> 00:20:08,250 ♪ Everywhere we go 548 00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:09,251 Merry Christmas, Mick. 549 00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:11,122 Back at you, buddy. 550 00:20:11,122 --> 00:20:12,472 [kids cheering] 551 00:20:12,472 --> 00:20:15,126 And so it turns out the best gift advice 552 00:20:15,126 --> 00:20:17,912 I ever got was from that mall Santa 553 00:20:17,912 --> 00:20:20,915 all those years ago in Hawaii. 554 00:20:20,915 --> 00:20:23,091 It's not about what the gift is. 555 00:20:23,091 --> 00:20:25,833 It's about how it makes the person feel. 556 00:20:25,833 --> 00:20:27,748 Whether they're a fancy gift, 557 00:20:27,748 --> 00:20:29,010 or a homemade gift, 558 00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:31,055 or even just a simple gesture, 559 00:20:31,055 --> 00:20:34,363 gifts are my love language. 560 00:20:34,363 --> 00:20:36,539 [soft Christmas music] 561 00:20:36,539 --> 00:20:38,019 This one's a pepper mill 562 00:20:38,019 --> 00:20:40,587 for my good friend, Stanley Tucci. 563 00:20:40,587 --> 00:20:42,153 Merry Christmas, Tooch. 564 00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:48,159 [exhales] Well, I really enjoyed spending this time 565 00:20:48,159 --> 00:20:49,378 with you all. 566 00:20:49,378 --> 00:20:51,380 And don't forget on Christmas Eve 567 00:20:51,380 --> 00:20:54,383 to leave out some tequila, some sandwiches, 568 00:20:54,383 --> 00:20:57,778 and some cookies for old Dwanta Claus here. 569 00:20:57,778 --> 00:21:00,781 But hold the sandwiches, and hold the cookies. 570 00:21:00,781 --> 00:21:01,869 That's right. 571 00:21:01,869 --> 00:21:04,045 Dwanta's gettin' loaded. 572 00:21:04,045 --> 00:21:06,003 [laughs] Good night, everyone. 573 00:21:06,003 --> 00:21:09,398 Merry Christmas, Mele Kalikimaka, 574 00:21:09,398 --> 00:21:13,663 and happy holidays to you and your families. 575 00:21:13,663 --> 00:21:15,143 [blows kiss] 576 00:21:15,143 --> 00:21:16,971 ♪ 577 00:21:16,971 --> 00:21:18,407 And for all the little kids out there 578 00:21:18,407 --> 00:21:19,843 that might wanna get their parents 579 00:21:19,843 --> 00:21:23,717 the perfect gift, don't worry. 580 00:21:23,717 --> 00:21:26,720 They'll love it no matter what.