Here we go.
Here we go, brother. You ready?
Oh, I have not eaten since Tuesday.
Ooh, are these your
famous whoa mamma cakes?
Good enough to make your mama say "whoa,"
because you slapped your uncle.
Both: Mm...
Hmm. Hey, you know,
I'm kind of surprised we're doing this.
I mean, the election's a couple days away,
and I know you've got your hands full
with the Dr. Julien situation.
Yeah, but, Randall, this is the best time to do this.
You wanna have a cheat day,
when the pressure is high, so you can blow off steam.
Othennise you're just gonna to blow.
You know, this reminds me of that time in Hawaii,
when my grandmother put my mom in charge
of running our business.
My mom was overseeing a huge live event
that my dad was a part of,
and it put him in a high pressure situation.
Dad! Randall: Wait, how did you get here?
Adult Dwayne: Sorry, let's go back a few days.
Mean gene okerlund here for polynesian pacific pro wrestling.
The backyard brawl-b-q is only days away.
Aloha stadium is sold out,
and as we've seen over the past few weeks,
this island is too small to contain
these behemoths of wrestling.
Tensions boiled over at the airport.
My luggage. All tighty-whities.
Mean gene: The radio station.
Rocky does the work,
Tony gets the credit.
Mean gene: The parking lot.
Too slow, andré.
Make big mistake, little John studd.
John: I'll get you andré!
Mean gene: The beaches weren't safe.
I hate lycra.
Death to fm radio.
Mean gene: And it was only a matter of time,
before a wrestler took things too far.
Hey, Jake, where's your snake?
At home, resting. Oh!
She's resting,
resting in pieces.
Desdemona.
No!
Mean gene on TV: Not since mauna Lao erupted,
has an event so epic occurred on Hawaiian soil.
Everything's coming together.
All my storylines are peaking for the brawl-b-q.
Is this snake gonna be okay?
Oh, honey, it wasn't a real snake. Itwasjust ground beef
formed into a tube with some food coloring. Rocky: Hey!
Who bought guava juice in here?
Ugh, dad,
it's just liquid fruit.
It's two days before match.
No sugar in the house.
Dad! No, no...
You know, my dad was always strict with his diet,
especially before a big match. Hmm.
He had trouble with impulse control
so he banned all unhealthy food from our house.
Babe, you okay?
Are you still upset aboutyourcah with Vince?
You mean when he told me I was destined
to be tag team partners
with Tony for the rest of my life?
No.
Why would that upset me?
Adult Dwayne: Meanwhile, I was dealing
with a new dynamic at school.
Adult Dwayne: I had gotten friend-zoned bye.
By Debbie Rose,
but that wound up having some unexpected benefits.
Hey, Dewey. Sarah likes you.
I thought Sarah was with Julien.
No, they're done.
She heard you respected Debbie Rose and...
She wants to be respected too.
So do you like her?
Before you answer,
you should know I like you, too.
My name's cam.
Don't tell Sarah.
Cam and Sarah are so rude,
putting you on the spot like that.
I'm here if you need to talk.
I'm Bethany, like the city of Albany,
but Beth.
If Bethany was just trash talking cam and Sarah,
don't listen. She's saying that
just because she likes you.
Wait, Bethany likes me now, too.
Uh-huh. Cam loves you.
Sarah's kind of into you.
Bethany likes you and Emily wants you.
Who's Emily?
Try that on.
Walk around, see how you feel.
And just so you know, I am veryjealous.
Hands off Sarah.
We're going through something right now.
But she loves me, and we're working it out.
Ran dall: Ugh, Julien.
Adu it dwayn e: The literal worst.
News reporter: The prosecution in the Lia maivia trial
is expected to close tomorrow with their star witness, Greg yao.
Who's currently under FBI protection.
Could his testimony prove to be the nail in the coffin for Lia maivia?
When was that picture taken?
My white lawyer staged it.
But I don't know who the baby is. I didn't ask.
What on earth?
Lia: What do you want, yao?
You like my mirror?
Kristen left it in my car.
I just wanted to wish you a good night,
before I send you to the electric chair tomorrow.
Mr. Yao.
You're not supposed to be fraternizing with Lia maivia.
FBI!
They're putting me up in a hotel tonight
where I'll dream of all the wrestlers
I'll steal from you.
The Samoans, macho man,
the big French.
They'll all work for me.
Don't let that idiot get to you.
We put a plan in motion and it's going to work.
Yes, Bob said everything is taken care of.
I hope this works, high chief.
Me too, dad.
All: Tony! Tony! Tony!
Mean gene: What's going on? Where's he going?
Is rocky abandoning his partner mid-match?
Mean gene: I think he's lost his head, pat.
Wait, wait, wait. You jumped ahead again.
Apologies.
It's hard for me to focus when unagi
prepared in the style of the kansai region, is in front of me.
See, I'm a tamago man, sweet egg all day.
Ah!
So, rocky left Tony during the cage match?
Well, let me give you a little context there.
The big match was still days away,
and my mom took the family out to dinner.
I called all the guys today,
made sure they knew their storylines for the brawl-b-q.
Babe, you're gonna put on an event for the ages.
Hey. Oh, what's Tony doing here?
Soul patrol has a huge story line tomorrow night.
I need you both to be focused,
and on the same page.
Well, apparently, I'm gonna be working with him
for the rest of my career,
so why not add in another meal?
Tony! Hey, brother.
Hey, ata. Hi, Tony.
Dewey, what's shaking, little man?
A lot, actually.
Four girls like me.
Four?
This damn kid's swimming in...
Both: Uh...
Hands to hold.
Listen, the next time you with the girls,
you just take a look at their feet.
That'll tell you everything you need to know.
Their feet?
You set your peepers on what's in their sneakers.
Uh, what's... what are you two talking about? Nothing.
Seems like a good time to go to the men's room.
Ooh! There it is.
You eat cake before a match?
Dad doesn't even let us have guava juice.
You got to have cake every now and then, Dewey.
It's good for the brain.
Come on, take a fork.
Adult Dwayne: When Tony atlas said,
"you gotta eat cake,"
at that time, I didn't know what he meant, but I do now.
Don't cheat yourself.
Treat yourself. Hmm. That's a perfect cheat day mantra.
Mmm-hmm. If I wasn't busy eating ija,
I'd write that down.
Adult Dwayne: Unfortunately, that was not something
my dad understood.
Rocky: Son, what are you doing?
No cake before a big match.
Oh, come on. Rock.
He ain't the one wrestling.
Let the boy enjoy himself.
You wanna eat that piece of cake, Dewey?
Go ahead. Uh-uh!
But before you do, let me ask you one question.
Do you have standards for yourself?
Um, yeah.
Rocky: You see us wrestlers,
we live by a code,
what we will do and what we won't do.
When you standards start to slip,
you get sloppy.
And when wrestlers get sloppy,
bad things happen.
You still want a bite of that cake?
I did not take a bite of that cake.
I mean, your dad made a good point.
He did, no doubt.
And it's important to live by a code,
but he puts so much pressure on himself
that he didn't need to and he was bound to blow.
But we're not there yet.
Pasta with butter and a diet coke.
Andre: Diet coke?
The big French.
Are you pregnant?
No. Just have an early night.
Have to be in court by 8:00 am.
For Lia's trial.
Not looking good for her, no? No.
No, it's looking real bad.
That's a shame.
I love the wrestling in Hawaii.
Well, well, no one says you have to stop
doing that. In a few days,
I'm gonna be the only promotion on this island.
And I'm gonna treat you like a king.
You want to talk business?
Yes. Okay, boss.
We talk business, but I only do it
with a real drink, huh?
Well, let's have a real drink then.
I'll have whatever you're having.
Forty of whiskey, please.
From the bottle
shaped like brown butterflies.
Small portion, please.
Your witness is a half hour late.
Five more minutes and I...
Greg: I'm here, if it pleases the court.
I'm here. Judge: Sir!
Are you not wearing pants?
Greg: Uh, that is correct, your honor.
These are bike shorts.
That's a butt lettering.
I think they're on backwards.
Listen, make this quick, okay?
Don't ask me any hard questions.
I'm still very drunk.
Greg, what are you doing?
Oh, sorry.
My mistake.
Wrong white lawyer.
Prosecutor: Mr. Yao,
we've seen the FBI tape of a woman threatening you.
Is that woman in this courtroom?
Banglbang! It's that lady right there?
No further questions.
Mr. Yao.
What did you do last night, sir?
Objection. Relevance. Your honor,
the question speaks to credibility and character.
Overruled.
What did you do last night?
Cheers.
Man: Black Betty had a child bam-ba-i am
the damn thing gone wild bam-ba-i am...
Do it!
I am the king of Hawaiian wrestling.
Isaid...
Whoa, black Betty bam-ba-i am
huh!
What time is it?
I don't recall.
So you were blackout already.
Objection.
Withdrawn.
Great hire.
Herman: Your honor, at this time, the defense
would like to introduce new evidence.
Mr. Yao's credit card receipts from last night.
At3:35 A.M.,
did you visit a denim Jack's tattoos and piercings?
No?
So that's not a fresh tattoo on your bicep?
Oh, whoa!
Would you care to read that for the court, sir?
Greg: It says, "I love drugs."
But it's not finished yet.
It will say, "I love drugs stores."
Do you really expect this jury to believe that, Mr. Yao.
Excuse me?
News reporter: Not guilty,
was the verdict in the Lia maivia trial today.
After the prosecution's star witness Greg yao,
I forgot how to speak English
on the witness stand.
I loved the jury.
I am a lady innocent, and they saw that.
Oh, and FBI.
Kill yourselves.
Adult Dwayne: My mom and my grandmother knew that
like my father, a lot of guys
in the business had impulse control issues,
and Greg yao was no exception.
So they knew if they sent andré to run into him,
he'd do anything to land the big man.
That's right. Bend the knee.
We'll find something on her,
and she'll go down.
Mean gene: 50,000 fans in sold outaloha stadium are fired up, pat.
Pat: Weeks of bad blood, dead snakes,
and ruined lives, have all led up to this.
The backyard brawl-b-q.
Hello, everyone.
It's good to be back,
but I wouldn't be here without the help of my daughter, ata.
She's done such an amazing job
in my unfortunate and stupid absence.
And also a very special, giant sized thank you
to Andre. I hope you're not too hung over.
I had four almas before bed,
and I'm fresh as a Daisy.
To Lia.
Before I got here tonight.
I got a call from Vince McMahon,
and I'm sure a lot of you got a call too.
He's putting on an event
that's going to take our business to even greater heights.
Okay, boys, stay safe,
and let's tear the house down.
Hey, andré.
What was Lia talking about?
Did you get a phone call? This morning, boss.
Vince is putting on a big match on pay-per-view.
He's calling it...
Wrestlemania.
Whoa. It would change the sport forever.
How'd rocky handle not being selected? Not well.
Not well at all.
We've got a full card tonight, pat,
with grudges to settle and a lot
of violent promises to keep.
I wish I didn't have to blink
'cause I don't wanna miss a second.
Mean gene: This capacity crowd, none too happy to see
the two gentlemen come into the ring right now.
Pat: Iron sheik and Nikolai volkoff,
looking unstoppable today, gene.
Man: Let's go!
Mean gene: Oh, my god. It's been 14 days, pat.
Those underwear are used.
Pat: I've never seen a pair of undies this gigantic, gene.
Yeah!
Pat: Well, it looks like andré wins this one
by default since we saw him toss big John studd's
truck off a cliff.
John: Coming for you andré. You're mine.
Man: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
and the man at the back said, everyone attack
and it turned into a ballroom blitz
and the girl in the corner said, boy, I wanna warn ya
it'll turn into a ballroom blitz
ballroom blitz
pat: Steamboat's letting him know
that's what happens when you mess
with another man's radio, gene.
What's Jake got in that bag, pat?
His snake, desdemona's been chopped up and cooked.
Desdemona may be dead,
but her spawn is here to avenge her.
I give you Damien.
Man: And the girl in the corner said, boy, I wanna warn ya
it'll turn into a ballroom blitz
ballroom blitz
I knew Damien would get over.
Welcome to the show, little man!
Gene: Oh, oh, oh, hang on. Pat: Oh, wow.
Oh, here we go, pat. Whoa!
Pat: Here it comes.
The cage.
When this cage comes all the way down
and the match begins,
there's nothing more exciting in professional wrestling.
It's time.
It's time for the main event.
Rowdy roddy Piper, and George "the animal" Steele,
led to the ring by their manager,
classy Freddie blassie.
And here come their opponents,
the soul patrol. Rocky Johnson, and Tony atlas.
Yeah, dad!
That cage looks formidable, gene,
and the only way to win
is for both members to escape the cage.
Gene: Only two ways out, through the door or over the top.
And speaking of over the top,
that's how tensions have been
between rocky Johnson and Tony atlas.
Pat: Everyone is wondering
if these two can put their infighting aside,
and get a win tonight.
Gene: Oh, that accidental elbow
from Tony atlas has opened up a got on rocky's forehead.
He's bleeding badly.
This is what dad was worried about.
Tony got sloppy.
Gene: Well, rocky's back in it,
and he's putting the fist to the rowdy roddy Piper.
Pat: What a masterful work by the soul patrol,
in this cage match.
Gene: Rocky, the first man to exit the ring.
Pat: This match, may be over, gene.
But no, Piper and Steele
have got Tony atlas.
They're throwing him into the back.
Randall: Oh, my god. We 're finally here.
We 're back where we started.
Adult Dwayne: Yes, we are. Pat: Freddie blassie has
chained the door shut.
Rocky has gotta find a way...
To save his partner.
All: Tony! Tony!
Tony! Tony!
Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony!
Gene: What's going on? Where's he going?
Is rocky abandoning his partner mid-match?
Gene: I think he's lost his head, pat.
Where is rocky going?
Mom, can you believe this?
He's coming back. He's coming back! Rocky's back.
All: Rocky! Rocky!
Yeah!
All: Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!
Gene: Rocky and Tony heading for the door.
Pat: But look, Steele and Piper are climbing the cage.
Gene: The first team out of the cage wins.
Pat: What a match, gene.
And the soul patrol does it.
The soul patrol wins!
I am so proud of you.
Listen to them, theyloveifl
I knew they would.
All: Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!
So did Tony get sloppy?
Did he really cut rocky by accident?
Oh, no, it's called getting color in our business.
You just take razor blade and little Nick in the right spot.
My dad didn't do it often,
but my mom had set up the tension so well
between my dad and Tony,
that they both agreed it would help get him over.
Hmm, rocky must have felt like he was on top of the world.
He did, but...
But the problem with adulation is it makes you want more.
And the love of the crowd
is one of the most addictive things there is.
Aside from this turnbuckle fudge,
page 97 of your cookbook,
right after the people's steamed COD.
Oh, you want some COD?
Yeah. Hey, Frankie.
Let's steam up some COD.
I feel sick.
Adult Dwayne: Remember what I said about my dad's issues
with impulse control?
Soulman rocky, brother.
That was one hell of a match, man.
Thanks, man.
God, it felt good hearing the crowd cheer my name.
Hey...
That promoter you worked for in Saudi Arabia,
he's a fan of mine? Mmm-hmm.
Give me his number.
What about your contract with Vince?
What about it?