(Cameras shutters clicking) (People talking indistinctly)
Good morning, everyone. Good to see everybody.
I am excited to formally announce my choice of running mate.
The person who I have chosen
to become our next vice president of the United States
is general Monica Jackson.
(Crowd gasps and chatters)
Male reporter 1: Miss Jackson, quick question. Male reporter 2: Miss Jackson.
Who?
(Camera shutters clicking)
Thank you.
Not very good at public speaking.
(Crowd clamoring)
But general Jackson endorsed your opponent, senator taft.
That's right, she did.
And general Jackson and I
have had many differences of opinion in the past.
She said your remake of Matilda
lacked the necessary violence
to be entertaining.
And that was not one of them.
I completely agree with general Jackson on that one.
(Chuckles)
Guys. Guys, listen.
I understand that this choice today
is one that may surprise alotofyou,
but, growing up the way I did,
I learned to really value unique people
with wildly different points of view.
So let me just take a moment,
and take you back to when I was 10 years old,
living in Hawaii.
"Instant classic, stunning puppetry."
You hear that, mom? The puppetry is stunning.
Ugh, what is it with that ugly thing?
He's everywhere. Young Dwayne: He's e.T.
He eats candy and uses the telephone.
I have to see it. That's e.T.?
Looks like the guy who sells mangoes next to the highway.
It's the eyes.
Mom, can we see e. T.?
Please? Sorry, baby, not today.
I'm recording my audition song for star search.
That's right, you are!
God, they're gonna love your voice.
What are you singing? Laura branigan.
She sings Gloria.
It's the hottest song of the summer.
It's gonna be great, trust me. Okay.
Mom, I don't mean to not be supportive here...
How 'bout we go tomorrow?
(Blows raspberry) Dewey, don't make that face.
What if the wind changes? You'll get stuck that way.
I accept that you don't want me to do adult stuff...
I don't like it, but I accept it.
But this movie is for kids.
At least let me do kid stuff.
Maybe your dad can take you. Young Dwayne: Okay!
Here are the showtimes. 10:00,10:30,11:00...
Babe, I can't take him to the movies.
I gotta go over the match for Lia's battle royale.
Sotakelflniafler lcantafier
I gotta run an errand. What errand?
Oh, this guy came to me with
a business opportunity the other day.
You wrestle for me, you'll be my number one guy.
Greg yao. My info's on the card.
No big deal. Which shirt do you like?
What look are you going for?
Professional cool.
Like Sidney poitier going to court.
Beige turtleneck. Corduroy pants.
Done. (Alarm beeping)
Oh, it's on! 9:30,10:00...
Mom's big announcement.
Terry: Your one-stop shop for local Hawaiian sports.
I'm Terry, and with me, as always,
is the washakie from kapolei, the chief.
They call me the chief
and I like the beef. (Laughs)
And in the studio today, we have the queen
of polynesian pacific pro wrestling,
Lia maivia,
with some huge news for Hawaii wrestling fans.
Uh, mahalo, Terry.
I just want to say to all your listeners
that they should hold onto their butts.
It's going to be the greatest
battle royale in history.
I got a hand on each cheek.
Now, Lia, what about local promoter Greg yao?
He worked for your late husband
Peter maivia for years
and has now become your competitor.
(Speaking Samoan)
Ooh.
Terry: So you're not concerned
he poached two of your best guys,
king Kong Bundy and junkyard dog,
signing them to exclusive contracts.
My guys... "Soulman" rocky Johnson,
andré the giant, the wild Samoans,
macho man Randy savage...
They are the toughest and the meanest guys out there.
My late husband, Peter maivia...
I love you, Peter.
I miss you, high chief.
He was a real chief
and true king of Hawaiian wrestling.
And that's why I am here
to announce on the Terry show...
Terry and the chief.
That I am putting Peter's championship belt
where no other wrestler has ever
held since his passing,
on the line for the winner.
(Singing)
That you've been living under
but you really don't remember
was it something that they said?
Are the voices in your head
calling Gloria
let me guess, you're auditioning
for star search? How'd you know?
So are they.
(Women singing)
Calling Gloria calling Gloria
was it something that he said?
But you really don't remember
calling Gloria and they got your number
well, except for that guy.
Actually, he just comes in every week and reads the Bible.
"And the hand of the lord was on me
"and carried me out in the spirit of the lord."
(Funky upbeat music)
Rocky: Hey, andré. You're European,
what you think of my outfit?
I like it, boss.
You look like, uh,
cqumbo from the TV, huh?
Don't arrest me, monsieur cqumbo! (Laughing)
Lia: All right, let's start.
First... grandma?
Yes, Dewey? Is this meeting over?
No, I've just started.
Is there somewhere you need to be?
Yeah, e. T.
Play e. T. With Francine.
(Dog snoring) Wrap her up in a blanket and she can be e. T.
I could take Dewey for the afternoon.
Really? Dad, can I go with andré?
Please?
Yes! Sure, it's okay with me.
No, andré, you need to hear the plan.
André plan always the same, huh?
André wrestle, everyone hit andré with chair.
André leave, no?
Yeah, good. That's it.
(Speaking in French)
(In English) Buh-bye, cqumbo. (Laughing)
Okay, so if we drive really fast
we can make it to the 1:30 e. T. At pearlridge...
André doesn't like movie.
You don't like movies?
André prefer books. Books?
André has an even better plan than movie.
We are going to do my favorite thing, huh?
(Chuckles)
Adult Dwayne: Ldidn't know it then, but my day with andré
was about to change my perspective on everything.
Okay, battle royale.
As you all know, the winner takes Peter's belt. Then we get a new champion.
First thing, everyone's in the ring.
Get rid of the jobbers,
and then it's down to our eight stars.
Lia: Sergeant slaughter, you will be eliminated
by Ricky steamboat after a high-crossbody.
Sergeant: Great, see you all at the bar.
While steamboat fires up the crowd,
rocky, you hit him with a dropkick, boom!
Right out of the ring.
Steamboat: Llove it.
I'll stick the landing like Nadia comaneci.
Lia: Sheik, you will have macho man in a camel clutch,
then toss him out.
The iron sheik: Your sheiky baby always delivers.
Rocky and the wild Samoans make quick work of sheik.
Man: Can 1 wave to my girlfriend in the front row?
Lia: No. Man: That will upset her.
Then after the Samoans attack andré with chairs,
rocky joins in and the three eliminate the giant.
The wild Samoans turn on rocky.
Sika holds rocky up as of a charges.
Rocky back body drops of a over the top rope.
Afa: The fifth time this month.
Think I would know better.
Lia: Rocky hits sika with the big sou/man right hand
and out he goes.
Rocky will be the new champ.
Faamalo, rocky.
Malo, rocky. Malo, malo.
(Clapping) Man: Well done.
Lia,
I'm honored.
It's what Peter would have wanted.
What are we gonna do,
give it to the sheik?
There is a fly on this Danish.
You jabronis never close box.
It's been a rough few weeks, rocky.
You've been beside me and you've supported me.
Peter would have been proud of
the kind of man you've become.
Lia, you know how you insist I take roll call
before the meeting?
Well, I forgot.
So, I did it just now and macho man is not here.
Ey! Anyone know where Randy is?
Yeah, he wanted me to tell you he couldn't make it.
Something about his girlfriend Deborah's birthday.
But don't worry.
I've been taking notes for him.
"Girlfriend's birthdays."
Bundy and jyd's "sick mothers."
Greg yao's behind this.
Bob, go get the car.
(Tense exciting music)
Rocky: How'd it go?
Turns out every woman in Hawaii is auditioning
for star search by singing Gloria.
Ugh. Where's Dewey?
With Andre. But relax...
You're here with rocky Johnson.
Want one of my patented back rubs?
How am I supposed to stand out
when I'm singing the same song as everybody else?
Well, if you want people to remember you,
you gotta show them something they've never seen before.
That's okay for you to say, you're a showman.
I get nervous when I wear my red belt.
I think you should sing an original song.
(Laughs sarcastically) Sure, yeah.
I'll just whip up a song better than Gloria,
one of the greatest songs of all time.
Nothing's gonna make you stand out more
than something only you could've written.
I gotta run. I'll catch you later.
Squeeze the bicep for good luck?
That helped.
You know what, Andre was right.
He was rude, but he was right.
Lia: That way, Randy's in room 302.
(Whispering) Three, two, one.
(Crashing)
Whoa!
Bob, Lia? What the hell?
Oh, good, it really is your girlfriend's birthday.
Hey, happy birthday, Deborah. Thank you.
Okay, bye!
Sorry, I'll just...
Please. Leave, Bob.
I'll tell maintenance...
The front desk to send up maintenance.
Have them wait 20, maybe 30 minutes.
Beat it! Right, yeah.
Big elbow! Hey!
(Jaunty French song playing)
(Cooing and clucking)
You really think this is fun?
So fun.
And relaxing, non? Want to borrow some seed?
No, I don't want any seed.
I want to be at the movies, watching e. T.
And having fun.
What do you love about the movie, huh?
I like the stories? (Andre chuckles)
You don't have to go to the cinema to find a story.
Everything has a story to tell.
Have you ever looked at the moon?
Um, yeah?
Some people used to think the moon was made of cheese.
Cheese?
Because the craters,
they look like the hole in the Swiss cheese.
It depend on how you look at it, non?
Regarde, the big one.
Le cochon approaches.
Get out of here, porker!
It is not le cochon's fault he is big.
And it is not easy for him.
The birds, they do not include him.
And the people, they shoo him away
because they think he is greedy.
But not me.
He is my favorite,
which is why I give him the moon.
(Gentle music playing)
(Cooing)
(Chuckles)
Adult Dwayne: You know, looking back,
andré was trying to show me
that there are a million different ways
to look at something...
If you're only willing to change your perspective.
Greg yao.
Sorry I'm late.
I was surprised you even wanted to meet,
seeing as how you're Lia's son-in-law.
I'm also a business man.
(Both chuckle)
Nice cowboy boots.
They're not subtle.
But neither am I. (Chuckles)
Hope you don't mind, I pre-ordered us some calamari.
I'm good, thanks.
Are you sure?
You mightwant to take a closer look.
Is that a gold chain that says "no"?
What? (Scoffs)
Damn it, it's got some cocktail sauce on it.
Give me a minute.
It says "no. 1"
because that's what you'll be when you sign with me.
Lia: That was really beautiful, wasn't it?
A man having sex with his girlfriend on her birthday?
It really restored my faith in people, you know?
We were lucky to see it.
Lia: Oh, a zippy's. Good, I want some chili rice.
(Laidback music playing)
What do you want to drink? Fruit punch.
(Car door shuts)
(Bob singing) Fruit punch and a chili rice
(sighs) Come on, you can do this, ata.
(Ukulele strumming)
Don't look at me all angry, baby
I know it's not your way
what if the breeze stops blowing
and you get stuck this way?
I know you're getting older, baby
lasked the calendar to wait
but he laughed at me and told me
I'm already late
so I opened up the windows, baby
and I left the door ajar
so the wind might change direction
(playing over tape recorder) And you'll stay always as you are
iloveit really?
Oh, this is your rocky shuffle!
Star search is gonna love it.
All right, let's head to the arena.
You can drop me off and I'll see you and Dewey later?
Already?
Yeah, I just got a lot on my mind.
Getting Peter's belt, that's...
That's a big deal. Yeah.
But you know what'll help?
Rewind that tape. (Laughing)
Let's hear that hit one more time.
(Turns on tape recorder)
Young Dwayne and you really think there's different versions of me
living in different dimensions?
(In French) Oui.
(In English) Well, if there are other deweys,
I hope one's big like you.
So everyone would have to listen to him.
Big, small, it doesn't matter.
If you think small,
you will definitely stay small, huh?
That's easy for you to say. You're big.
Everything's easy for you.
Sometime Andre is too big.
Too big for chair, too big for hat.
Too big to ride horses.
Sometime Andre feel like king Kong.
You ever see the king Kong? That is Andre's favorite movie.
But I thought you said you didn't like the movies?
Andre lied.
I used to love to go to the movies when I was a kid.
But I am too big now, and people get angry at me.
I have to sit in the back where I cannot see.
Why don't you just get glasses?
(Chuckles)
(In French) Vanité.
(In English) You're the same, you know.
As who? As le cochon.
You guys are both bigger than everybody else
and people are gonna treat you differently
and it's not fair.
What if the problem isn't that you're too big for the world,
it's that the world is just too small for you?
Andre?
A very clever little boy.
Jump on my back.
Adult Dwayne: Did I consider choosing a running mate
who I had more in common with?
Of course I did.
But then I started to think about Andre the giant
and his birds.
Adult Dwayne: He was the eighth wonder of the world.
And he had enough of an open mind
to listen to a 10-year-old scrub like me.
(E.t. Cooing)
(Whimsical music playing)
What is the monster's name again?
Adult Dwayne: I will never forget that.
Then et,
he use a spell to make
all the bicycles fly up in the air.
Andre, man, I already told you.
Me and sheik are gonna go see it tomorrow!
Oh, he dies.
He dies. He dies.
Hey, everyone, et dies! How are you doing?
Feeling good? Yeah, great.
Yeah, I'm gonna put on a show for you tonight, Lia.
Peter will be happy his belt is staying in the famin.
Adult Dwayne: And ifandré wasn't too big to learn new lessons,
well, no one was.
Announcer: Get ready for the 18-man battle royale.
Each wrestler has to throw their opponent
over the top rope
and the last man in the ring
is the champion.
Yeah! Look at this crowd.
This is amazing, mom.
You're in for a show.
Go, dad!
(Bell dinging)
Ata: Go, rocky!
(Gloria by Laura branigan playing)
Announcer: It looks like everyone is piling on andré.
Will they smother the eighth wonder of the world?
And the giant does it again. Can't keep him down.
Gloria, you're always on the run now
go dad!
Announcer: And another wrestler over the top of the rope and gone.
(Crowd cheering)
You gotta get him somehow
I think you've got to slow down
announcer: Steamboat eliminates slaughter,
who can't believe it!
I think you're headed for a breakdown
announcer: And Ricky steamboat is out.
So be careful not to show it
you really don't remember
macho man, over the top rope.
Out he goes.
Are the voices in your head
number one! Who else?
Calling Gloria
announcer: And the sheik is out.
Gloria
don't you think you're falling?
If everybody wants you
(crowd shouting)
Why isn't anybody callin'?
Announcer: They're teaming up to get the seven-footer
out of the ring.
Will rocky be able to hang on?
Leave them hangin' on the line
oh, calling Gloria
announcer: And andré is out! He's out!
Gloria!
I think they got your number
Gloria I think they got the alias
Gloria
announcer: Samoan is gone!
(Crowd chanting) Rocky, rocky, rocky!
Was it something that they said?
Announcer: This is it! Rocky Johnson will be
the new polynesian pacific champion.
Calling Gloria
(music muffles) (Camera bulbs flashing)
Announcer: Wait a minute. The sheik is back!
Must have gone through the ropes,
not over the top rope.
He could still win this thing.
What the hell are you doing?
Lia changed finish last minute.
(Bob singing) Fruit punch and a chili rice
(ambient dramatic music)
(Faint ringing)
(Both speaking inaudibly)
(Crowd chanting) Rocky, rocky, rocky!
Fine. Shoot me off the rope.
Hlgetmysefiout okay, bubba.
(Straining)
Come on, dad!
(Crowd booing)
(Grunting)
Announcer: And the new polynesian pacific champion,
iron sheik!
Mom, what's going on?
Rocky lost.
(Crowd booing)
Guess you forgot to tell me you changed the finish.
I saw you, rocky, with yao.
So I double-crossed you
before you could double-cross me.
(Tense music)
You're right.
I did meet with yao.
I guarantee you the championship belt.
You won't lose a match.
All right.
Now it's my turn.
You worked for my father-in-law.
And then when he dies and Lia needs you the most,
you stab her in the back and steal her guys?
Fine. You've clearly made up your mind.
Mmm-hmm why did you even come here?
Well, yao, you stole wrestlers from Lia.
And when you take from my family,
I take something back.
You like my outfit?
I mean, iwent back and forth on it all day.
Couldn't decide what to wear.
But I think...
I think I finally found it!
It's the perfect outfit
to wear with yellow...
Cowboy...
Boots.
(Moody rock guitar playing)
Oh, rocky...
Adult Dwayne: Even in the wild world of professional wrestling,
no one expects a screw job finish.
Is it wrong or is it justified?
Well, like all things,
it just depends on your perspective.
Sometimes we get locked in to one way of thinking.
But, lucky for me,
my experience with Andre forever impacted
the way I look at the world.
Monica will always push me
to consider other points of view.
But our guiding iightwill always be our shared values
and love of country.
Thank you all for joining me this morning.
General, thank you so... Also I'd like to
say hello to my husband.
Hi, Daryl.
Daryl. (Crowd applauding)
(Bell ringing)