1 00:00:18,561 --> 00:00:21,480 Please don't make me go to work today. I'll fake my own death. 2 00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:24,251 You don't have the cheekbones for depression. What's the matter? 3 00:00:24,275 --> 00:00:26,777 - The workload, the spotlight. - Mmm-hmm. 4 00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:28,738 Getting hammered on the families first bill. 5 00:00:28,821 --> 00:00:30,198 People hate that thing. 6 00:00:30,281 --> 00:00:32,450 Yeah, it's falling apart like a punched wedding cake. 7 00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:36,704 And the president wants me to start getting the media calling it the "meyer bill," 8 00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:38,956 but they've decided to call it the "mommy meyer bill." 9 00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:42,043 - My job is impossible. - Mmm-hmm. 10 00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:44,795 Take this fork, stab me right here in the carotid. 11 00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:47,423 You are the most influential Mike person 12 00:00:47,506 --> 00:00:48,883 in the world. 13 00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:50,886 The president won her first debate thanks to you. 14 00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:54,055 Guess what? There's two more. And the next one's foreign policy. 15 00:00:54,138 --> 00:00:57,058 That's basically a quiz on the entire world. 16 00:00:57,141 --> 00:00:59,060 - How do I prep for that? - Listen to me. 17 00:00:59,143 --> 00:01:01,646 You're gonna shake it off, all right? 18 00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,731 Stiff upper lip. Put on a happy face. 19 00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:04,958 And have the best day of your life. 20 00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:06,525 Thank you for the pep talk. 21 00:01:08,861 --> 00:01:11,697 I'll see you... oh, shit. Happy birthday. 22 00:01:11,781 --> 00:01:13,300 I'm sorry I didn't have time to get you anything. 23 00:01:13,324 --> 00:01:15,534 I'm gonna try after work. 24 00:01:15,618 --> 00:01:17,119 Love you. 25 00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:23,125 I live on a regular street in real america 26 00:01:23,209 --> 00:01:25,419 with real trees and real cars. 27 00:01:25,503 --> 00:01:29,423 - Selina: We do have real cars on my street. - Ah... wait for it. 28 00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:33,302 I'm not sure what a fake car would be exactly. 29 00:01:33,386 --> 00:01:34,595 Bam! 30 00:01:34,679 --> 00:01:36,119 I should be president, or something. 31 00:01:37,515 --> 00:01:40,101 If he doesn't drink in the morning, he will now. 32 00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:41,828 Oh, god, you know what I should have brought up? 33 00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:45,690 That rumor about o'brien's daughter blowing all those hockey players in college. 34 00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:47,209 Well... that would have been a mistake. 35 00:01:47,233 --> 00:01:51,112 Huge mistake. It was lacrosse players. 36 00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:52,405 Ma'am, your dinner guests 37 00:01:52,488 --> 00:01:53,808 - are confirmed for tonight. - Oh! 38 00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:57,576 - Your relaxing evening is locked in. - Goodie. I cannot wait. 39 00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:59,620 I'm getting the old gang back together. 40 00:01:59,704 --> 00:02:02,999 Back in the '90s, us ladies totally owned Annapolis. We really did. 41 00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:05,835 Gang? Did you all have tattoos? 42 00:02:05,918 --> 00:02:08,421 No, it's just a bunch of lawyers from my old firm, you know? 43 00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:09,964 How did you get into this gang? 44 00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:11,687 Did you have to kill a guy? 45 00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:13,843 You could pardon yourself now. 46 00:02:13,926 --> 00:02:16,929 You know, actually, as women, we really did get it done. 47 00:02:17,013 --> 00:02:18,681 Plus, we had tits and ass. 48 00:02:18,764 --> 00:02:21,475 So, we had the whole thing going for us, really. 49 00:02:21,559 --> 00:02:24,895 There's been a shooting in Pittsburgh. Four dead including the gunman. 50 00:02:26,397 --> 00:02:29,025 Well, that's fucking not good. 51 00:02:29,108 --> 00:02:30,234 We pray for the families. 52 00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:32,445 Yeah, and that they don't demand more gun control. 53 00:02:32,528 --> 00:02:34,572 It says here the gunman was an ex-marine. 54 00:02:34,697 --> 00:02:37,158 Two sides of the coin. It's very sad. 55 00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:39,869 Hey, sue, get Mike to draft a statement. 56 00:02:40,036 --> 00:02:43,164 - He's got a "thoughts and prayers" template. - Right away, ma'am. 57 00:02:44,874 --> 00:02:46,208 Should we keep watching me? 58 00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:48,419 - Tom: Yeah? - Sure, sure. 59 00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:57,345 See, when I left the white house, I never thought I'd be lobbying for concrete. 60 00:02:57,762 --> 00:02:58,846 - Great, isn't it? - Mmm. 61 00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:01,729 Oh, by the way, I set us up with two brunches and a lunch for tomorrow. 62 00:03:01,766 --> 00:03:04,977 Oh, god, I already have two breakfast meetings tomorrow. 63 00:03:05,061 --> 00:03:07,541 If I keep going at this rate, I'm gonna have gout of the mouth. 64 00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:11,067 Uh, ladies, you are going to be our sale bait. 65 00:03:11,442 --> 00:03:13,652 Um, by sale bait, you mean... 66 00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:15,905 Independent, well-educated young women like you 67 00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:19,492 who also happen to be very hot to lure congressmen into the room 68 00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:22,036 in a way that is deeply feminist. 69 00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:23,571 We then introduce our client, 70 00:03:23,662 --> 00:03:25,790 who makes a sale in a way that's deeply capitalist. 71 00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:28,376 I'm not expected to do anything with anyone, am I? 72 00:03:28,459 --> 00:03:31,670 This is lobbying. This is a respectable profession. 73 00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:34,423 Um, do me a favor. Go see Linda over there. 74 00:03:34,507 --> 00:03:37,885 She has some slightly tighter blouses that you can choose from. 75 00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:41,013 - So, you two ready to go hard for concrete? - Yeah. 76 00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:42,765 Hey, why are there so many security 77 00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:45,476 and military people on the list at this concrete event? 78 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:46,936 Are we at war with Clay? 79 00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:49,146 Amy, what does the military buy a lot of? 80 00:03:49,230 --> 00:03:50,898 Oh, I know this. It's candy. 81 00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:52,650 Cute. It's concrete, okay? 82 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,276 So, we bring the military guys along, 83 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:58,364 they talk congress into stumping up money for a Mexican border wall made of concrete. 84 00:03:58,447 --> 00:03:59,573 Circle of life. 85 00:03:59,657 --> 00:04:01,992 Serving several of our clients' agendas all at once. 86 00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:03,796 - God, I love this. - Yeah, I know. Me, too. 87 00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:05,287 It's so slutty, isn't it? 88 00:04:05,371 --> 00:04:08,082 This place is like a porn shoot with bunting. 89 00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:11,710 God, kill me now. 90 00:04:11,794 --> 00:04:13,504 Good morning. Good morning. 91 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:14,815 Reporters: Morning! 92 00:04:14,839 --> 00:04:16,191 Okay, let's get this party started. 93 00:04:16,215 --> 00:04:18,509 Uh, the mommy meyer bill. Is it doomed? 94 00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,428 First off, it's not the mommy meyer bill. 95 00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:23,681 It is the families first... No, it's the meyer bill. 96 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:27,309 And it's about as doomed as my donut habit. 97 00:04:27,393 --> 00:04:29,937 - Shall we talk about families first, please? - Selina: Yeah. 98 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,064 Tom: I'm afraid it's getting crucified on the hill. 99 00:04:32,148 --> 00:04:33,441 Just like that Jesus guy. 100 00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:34,608 Well, it's my big bill. 101 00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:37,879 You think I'm gonna say it doesn't fit and put it up on craigslist, or something? 102 00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:39,823 O'brien just said, "if families first is passed, 103 00:04:39,864 --> 00:04:42,450 "the whole concept of family will come to an end." 104 00:04:42,533 --> 00:04:43,802 Well, that's the dream, certainly, 105 00:04:43,826 --> 00:04:45,679 but I'm not sure we'll achieve it in this generation. 106 00:04:45,703 --> 00:04:48,789 I don't care if o'brien hates it. It's for the people and they love it. 107 00:04:48,873 --> 00:04:51,959 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Except no. - I'm sorry? 108 00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:55,463 I hate to be the I'm-in-touch-with-the-normal-guy guy, 109 00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:56,672 but I am that guy, 110 00:04:56,755 --> 00:05:00,050 and they want to pay for their families and not other people's. 111 00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:01,677 That's not helpful to... 112 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,405 - What? What's going on? - Man: Back away from the president. 113 00:05:03,429 --> 00:05:04,948 - Holy shit. - Ma'am, there's an intruder. 114 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,891 - Oh. - We need you to remain here. 115 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:09,810 What? I mean, okay. I mean, what? 116 00:05:09,894 --> 00:05:12,521 I had not anticipated this. This I had not anticipated. 117 00:05:12,605 --> 00:05:14,982 Well, that sounds like the world's worst Dr. Seuss book. 118 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,650 Flexible hours benefit everyone. 119 00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:18,736 This is a common sense piece of... 120 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:22,323 Intruder. Everyone stay calm. Stay exactly where you are. 121 00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:25,075 Okay, lockdown. Nobody move and nobody gets hurt. 122 00:05:25,201 --> 00:05:27,536 Shouldn't we be on an elevator to a secret bunker by now? 123 00:05:27,620 --> 00:05:29,580 There is no elevator or bunker. 124 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,540 Why isn't there an elevator to a secret bunker? 125 00:05:31,624 --> 00:05:34,668 Jesus Christ, bill, you're shaking like a dog shitting a peach pit. 126 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,802 Selina: I actually think I should have a gun. 127 00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:39,548 I'm not making a joke. I really would like to have a gun. 128 00:05:39,632 --> 00:05:41,926 Okay, what about us? Is there a panic room, or something? 129 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,361 Gary, every room you're in is a panic room. 130 00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:44,595 We need to find a safer room. 131 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,239 Man: I'm gonna kill Tom James and that bitch! 132 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:47,389 The intruder! Right there! 133 00:05:47,473 --> 00:05:49,725 Oh, my god, shit got real! Shit got real! Shit got real! 134 00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:52,353 - Calm down. What are you doing? - It's a weapon! 135 00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:54,581 What are you going to do with a clock? Tell him he's late? 136 00:05:54,605 --> 00:05:56,357 - That's the all-clear, ma'am. - Really? 137 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:57,775 - Tom: Well... - Wow! Okay. 138 00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,027 - Thank you, gentlemen. - Bill: Okay, 139 00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,029 if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go breathe. 140 00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:04,156 - Yeah, did you hear all that shouting? - I did. 141 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:05,926 What was he saying? Did you hear what he was saying? 142 00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:07,993 Who cares what he said? The guy's nutso-bismol. 143 00:06:08,077 --> 00:06:09,537 - What was he saying? - What... 144 00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:14,083 He said, uh, "let me up. I want to kill Tom James and that bitch." 145 00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:18,337 He comes here to kill me and he doesn't even know my name? 146 00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:20,881 - He may have been talking about Kent. - Thank you. 147 00:06:20,965 --> 00:06:22,841 I've got to take a gigantic whiz. 148 00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:25,719 Man, this siege stuff goes straight to my bladder. 149 00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:27,763 It's like if dogs could talk. 150 00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:31,433 Okay, senator, I am going to set up your town hall meeting. 151 00:06:31,517 --> 00:06:33,894 - I'll see you there. - Oh, good. More adrenaline. 152 00:06:33,978 --> 00:06:35,563 God almighty. 153 00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:37,898 - Wow. - How are you doing? 154 00:06:38,274 --> 00:06:41,986 I cannot believe that somebody came here to kill me. 155 00:06:43,112 --> 00:06:44,238 And you. 156 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:46,574 - Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah. 157 00:06:46,657 --> 00:06:49,868 Still, you know, you've got good people around you. 158 00:06:49,952 --> 00:06:51,996 - Yeah. - Holy hell! 159 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,831 - I saw him! The guy. - You did? 160 00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:57,269 I was face-to-face with him and I was like, "back off, man. Don't mess with this." 161 00:06:57,293 --> 00:07:00,296 - Really? - I have got so much adrenaline in me. 162 00:07:00,379 --> 00:07:02,840 - Selina: I know... - It's like I've got to do something. 163 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,842 - Can you get me a coffee? - Yeah. Yeah. 164 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,677 - An Irish coffee. - Yeah! 165 00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:08,637 Do you want something? 166 00:07:08,721 --> 00:07:10,264 - I'm good. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 167 00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:12,993 - He's been with me a long time. - Has he? 168 00:07:13,017 --> 00:07:14,268 - Yeah. Yeah. - I see. 169 00:07:15,728 --> 00:07:17,396 Hey, Kim. Hi, where are you? 170 00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:20,065 Can we make sure that the flags are symmetrical to the backdrop? 171 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:21,233 It looks a little bit off. 172 00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,527 That shirt really compliments your figure, by the way. 173 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,738 Just a nice little compliment for you. 174 00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:27,740 I'm loving this. This is great. 175 00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:29,992 - Yeah, we're killing this. Hey, lighting. - Man: What? 176 00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:33,203 Hi, how's it going? Can we bring these down just a little bit? 177 00:07:33,329 --> 00:07:35,331 Okay, I think that's a little bit too much drama. 178 00:07:35,414 --> 00:07:38,208 So, maybe we just bring those back up just a little bit. 179 00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:40,794 That looks great. Yeah, Mark that. 180 00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:43,213 Man: That's exactly how it was, dumb-ass! 181 00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:45,734 Okay, well, we don't need that kind of language, but thank you. 182 00:07:45,758 --> 00:07:48,719 One, two, three, four. 183 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:49,928 Hit me with the plosives. 184 00:07:50,012 --> 00:07:53,724 Bring back my pig. 185 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,702 - I'm happy with that. - Yeah, that sounds great. 186 00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,645 I don't want to pat myself on the back, 187 00:07:57,728 --> 00:08:00,022 but this is a great idea on my part. 188 00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:02,816 You know, getting out of the office, going on the campaign trail. 189 00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,620 Yeah, help you forget about being molested. 190 00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:05,986 That's loud. I'm sorry. 191 00:08:06,070 --> 00:08:09,990 Yeah, well... well, no. It's just that everybody thinks we're awesome here. 192 00:08:10,074 --> 00:08:11,742 I mean, we're west wing. We're like gods. 193 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,786 Mr. Ryan, did you get my sashimi? 194 00:08:13,869 --> 00:08:15,871 No, sir, I will get it right now. 195 00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:19,458 It needs to be at room temperature, othennise it just tastes of cold. 196 00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:20,542 Yes. 197 00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:23,212 Sa-shi-mi. 198 00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:25,339 - Are you hearing this? - Sushi. 199 00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:27,883 Listen to the "shu's" and the "mi's." 200 00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:33,305 Wait a minute. What are we laughing at here? 201 00:08:35,099 --> 00:08:38,102 Someone sure put a lot of effort into that. 202 00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:42,231 I don't get it. 203 00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:45,192 Oh, duck, 'cause I ducked. 204 00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:47,277 Very clever. Very funny. 205 00:08:48,112 --> 00:08:49,530 I'm laughing, too. 206 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:52,408 Yeah. 207 00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:56,495 Mom, some days you get an award from a country I've never even heard of, 208 00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:58,205 then other days people try to kill you. 209 00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:00,290 People probably try to kill me most days, sweetie. 210 00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:02,084 You just have to shut it out. 211 00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:05,254 Hey, I've got the menu for tonight's dinner with your friends. 212 00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:06,714 I do love tasting menus. 213 00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:10,342 It's so nice to be able to look at a list of food and say, "I'll take all of it." 214 00:09:10,426 --> 00:09:15,055 Um, no. I just want to hang back and have a loose night with the ladies, okay? 215 00:09:15,139 --> 00:09:16,473 So, let's just get pizza. 216 00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:18,642 How about a play on pizza? 217 00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,728 - We could kind of layer... - No. Uh-uh. No. 218 00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:24,398 Or we could do an antipasto and we could do a deconstructed pizza. 219 00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:26,900 Okay, you know I almost got assassinated today, right? 220 00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,224 - Yeah, you did. - So, I just... 221 00:09:28,277 --> 00:09:30,279 I just need you to do what I'm telling you to do. 222 00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:31,780 Uh-huh. 223 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:34,575 Guys, I want you to meet Aiden Grant. 224 00:09:34,658 --> 00:09:37,536 He's the gentleman that won the previous Mexican border fence contract. 225 00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:40,414 Wow! You must be very happy and rich. 226 00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:41,874 Yes, I am. 227 00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:43,601 So, of course, he would like to win the new one, 228 00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:45,753 which means he needs to speak to congressman Martin, 229 00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:48,630 but not his obvious erection. 230 00:09:48,714 --> 00:09:49,923 - Dan: Uh, yes. - So... 231 00:09:50,007 --> 00:09:52,384 Oh, to be 20 years younger, eh? 232 00:09:52,468 --> 00:09:55,179 - I would be in diapers. - Oh, snap! 233 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,991 Okay, you see, the key is to jump in before it becomes an actual assault. 234 00:09:58,015 --> 00:09:59,975 - I think we missed the window. - Uh, congressman. 235 00:10:00,309 --> 00:10:02,203 I can see you are as excited about the advancements 236 00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:03,645 in concrete technology as we are. 237 00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:07,441 I would like to introduce you to Mr. Aiden Grant. 238 00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:11,111 Look, it's like this. There is a link... 239 00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:14,698 There is a proven link between the lack of education and poverty, 240 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,158 and between poverty and crime. 241 00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:18,285 Families first will break that link. 242 00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:22,372 He's nailing it, like Streisand hitting a high c. 243 00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:25,876 My god, where were you born, lake homo? 244 00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:28,670 Man: After the shootings in Pittsburgh this morning... 245 00:10:28,754 --> 00:10:30,297 - Tom: Uh-huh. - Do you think 246 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,549 that it's time for some stricter gun control? 247 00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:35,761 Reaction is easy. 248 00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:38,472 Understanding is hard. 249 00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:42,142 Wasn't the shooter also a victim? 250 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,187 Well, we 're talking about an ex-marine here, 251 00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:49,358 someone whose mind was maimed in the service of his country. 252 00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:53,237 Ben, Tom James has just said the shooter is a victim, too. 253 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,613 PTSD. 254 00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:55,948 Oh, my god! 255 00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:58,700 Calamity James. And that's just off the top of my head. 256 00:10:58,784 --> 00:11:01,703 - Well, what do I do? - Just get him off, you fucking mannequin. 257 00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:03,539 Jonah. 258 00:11:04,456 --> 00:11:06,542 Get him to stop. Get him to stop talking. 259 00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:10,003 I'm not saying I don't condemn what happened. I do. 260 00:11:10,087 --> 00:11:12,106 - Condemnation on its own... - What the fuck are you doing? 261 00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:13,817 It looks like you're telling him to straighten his tie. 262 00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:16,677 What I'm saying is, we need to understand... 263 00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:19,429 Are you guys okay? 264 00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:21,265 Are you trying to hitch a ride? What is it? 265 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:23,326 - No, you're good. You're good. - No, what the fuck, dude? 266 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,435 Yeah. Yeah. Uh... 267 00:11:25,561 --> 00:11:27,646 If we're gonna take anything... 268 00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:29,690 Maybe we could play some exit music 269 00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:31,543 or maybe push the button that drops the balloons. 270 00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:33,336 Shit, that's a great idea. Drop the balloons. 271 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,296 - Do we have balloons? - No. That was just an example. 272 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,340 Why the fuck did you bring up balloons if we don't have them? 273 00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:38,782 Well, just... I was brainstorming. 274 00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:41,427 Mike: Ma'am, the press are primed. 275 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:43,620 Good. So, I thought I would open with this. 276 00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:48,333 I thought I would say, "so, I'm in the firing line for the second time today." 277 00:11:48,417 --> 00:11:49,710 Hilarious, ma'am. 278 00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:51,855 - Yeah, I know, it's not that funny. - No, it's just my voice. 279 00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:53,797 - I always end up sounding sarcastic. - Oh. 280 00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:55,716 Ben: Gary! Gary! 281 00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:57,718 Gary: What's going on? What? 282 00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,303 Don't let her go out there. 283 00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,471 What? Is there something wrong? What? What's wrong? 284 00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:05,100 I said don't let her go out there. Jesus! Come with me. 285 00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:08,103 Tom James just shot his mouth off into his foot. 286 00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:09,386 Let her up there for a minute, 287 00:12:09,438 --> 00:12:11,457 and then you've got to go up there and take the heat. 288 00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:15,152 Reporter: Madam president, can you quantify what level of danger you were in? 289 00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,005 I always feel as if I'm in more danger 290 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:19,230 when I'm in front of you guys. 291 00:12:19,323 --> 00:12:22,034 This is the second time I'm in front of the firing squad today. 292 00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:26,163 I'm certainly very grateful for the rapid response 293 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,206 of the secret service. Um... 294 00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:30,584 They... uh, they got rid of the intruder... 295 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,337 Silently. 296 00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:36,173 So, um, moving on. 297 00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:39,676 These job figures for this quarter are very encouraging, folks. 298 00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:42,220 I'm quite pleased with that. Um... 299 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:46,767 Unfortunately, that is all the time I have. 300 00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:50,270 Mike, yeah. I'm good. I'm gonna duck out for now. 301 00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:54,608 - You got me. - Selina: Yeah, I did. 302 00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:56,944 So, you can take over, you bozo. 303 00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:00,739 We have a good time here, don't we? 304 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:02,950 Mike, I'm just hearing that Tom James has said 305 00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:06,870 that the shooter in Pittsburgh is as much a victim as those he murdered. 306 00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:09,039 Do you support that view? 307 00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,041 Uh, that is obvious, uh... 308 00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:16,463 What is clear, uh, that our view is... 309 00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:19,216 Uh, we don't support that view. 310 00:13:21,093 --> 00:13:25,597 Let's start with putting the senator's words in perspective, okay? 311 00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:32,938 Words, uh, don't kill people, 312 00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,481 uh, unlike guns, 313 00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:37,150 which can and did. 314 00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:40,028 Which is bad. It's so bad. 315 00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:42,698 - I could go on. - No. 316 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,575 Congressman Reece is practically blind, 317 00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:47,595 so you're gonna have to flirt close and flirt big. 318 00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:48,972 Or, you know, do some kind of braille thing. 319 00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:51,415 I've got a degree in political science. I'll be fine. 320 00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:53,476 Yeah, a lot of good that's gonna do you. 321 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,961 Tom James just sympathized with that Pittsburgh shooter 322 00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:58,422 and in doing so has blown his political brains out. 323 00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:01,258 Yeah, he just made an enemy of every stupid person with a gun, 324 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:02,509 and there are a lot of those. 325 00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:03,820 If we don't do something about this, 326 00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:06,013 our gun and security clients are gonna start to wonder 327 00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:08,223 why it is the hell they pay us so much money, 328 00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:11,452 which is bad because I need them to pay me and not try and shoot me in my sleep. 329 00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,579 Look at this asshole. He's already got me in his sights. 330 00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:14,855 Hi, asshole. 331 00:14:14,938 --> 00:14:16,416 Okay, well, we just put him on camera... 332 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:19,317 And he can criticize Tom James for sympathizing with murderers. 333 00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:21,820 Stops us from being involved in any unhealthy gun debate. 334 00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:24,382 Very well done. You might be the smartest woman I've ever paid for. 335 00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:26,825 You know what? I'm on this. Already done it. 336 00:14:26,908 --> 00:14:30,078 Oh, man, I'm really enjoying this sibling rivalry between you two. 337 00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:32,581 I'm trying to figure out what that makes you to us. 338 00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:34,750 - Daddy. - Ah... 339 00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:36,960 - I've got to call you back. - I was dying out there. 340 00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:38,795 - Ben: What... - It was out of my control. 341 00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,679 So, there are situations within your control? 342 00:14:40,756 --> 00:14:43,341 All right, Tom James is a loose Cannon 343 00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:46,053 and it looks like I chose him at the last minute, 344 00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:48,722 which I did, obviously, but people can't know that. 345 00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:52,392 Well, I am not Merlin, okay? I don't have a magic car, or whatever he had. 346 00:14:52,476 --> 00:14:55,520 I can't tie a ribbon around a crazy guy who supports crazy guys. 347 00:14:55,604 --> 00:15:00,400 You'll tie a ribbon around Elvis' sagging, rotten ball sack if we ask you to, Mike. 348 00:15:00,484 --> 00:15:01,568 That's your job. 349 00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:04,905 I'm just saying don't rake me over the coals for this one, okay? 350 00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:06,948 Tom James took a crap all over america. 351 00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:09,826 Why do I got to grab the shovel? I'm not a shit cleaner! 352 00:15:09,910 --> 00:15:12,513 - It's your job. You are the shit shoveler. - Ben: That's what you do. 353 00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:14,998 - Bill: Shit shoveler. - Well, some shit doesn't get off. 354 00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:16,083 What? 355 00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:17,310 Selina: I don't know what that means. 356 00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:18,394 - I don't know what that means. - Oh, sorry. 357 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:21,088 And why is everybody calling my families first bill 358 00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:24,091 the mommy meyer bill all of a sudden? 359 00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:27,928 You told me to connect your name to the bill. 360 00:15:28,011 --> 00:15:31,431 What is the tone that you're using right now? 361 00:15:31,515 --> 00:15:33,517 It's been a shitty day, ma'am, I apologize. 362 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:34,643 Uh-huh. 363 00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:37,395 - You asked me to call it the meyer bill. - Uh-huh. 364 00:15:37,479 --> 00:15:42,442 The press has recently found it amusing to call it the mommy meyer bill. 365 00:15:42,526 --> 00:15:46,029 Well, kill the mommy, okay? 'Cause it's making my bill toxic. 366 00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:50,534 It's like they took the word brain tumor and changed it to selina cyst. 367 00:15:51,827 --> 00:15:54,996 Tom: Uh, ladies and gentlemen, if I may, I'd like to read a short statement. 368 00:15:55,497 --> 00:15:59,251 Actually, no, I'm... No, I'm not going to read this. 369 00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:01,461 I'm gonna speak from the heart. 370 00:16:01,545 --> 00:16:04,714 He's going freestyle. God, that is so fucking gangster. 371 00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:07,092 My dad always used to say to me, 372 00:16:07,175 --> 00:16:09,987 "if you do something wrong, you've got to try to make it right immediately." 373 00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:13,974 Well, there's nothing I can say that's gonna help the loved ones of those victims. 374 00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:17,060 But I can say and I will say that I am... 375 00:16:18,395 --> 00:16:22,065 I am truly, truly sorry 376 00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:24,734 if I have added to their grief. 377 00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:26,736 Thank you. 378 00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:31,658 Well, I can't say that that felt good, 379 00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:35,287 because obviously it felt terrible, but it also felt good. 380 00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:36,690 It played great. Excuse me. Yeah. 381 00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:40,709 Sir, awesome and amazing had a baby and it grew up to be you. 382 00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:43,128 It's like words are your second language, sir. 383 00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,921 Well, thanks for the feedback. 384 00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,506 - Jonah Ryan. - Oh, yeah. 385 00:16:46,590 --> 00:16:48,818 That's a name that keeps Popping up. 386 00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:51,469 Well, I'm a popular guy. 387 00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:53,096 Richard t. Splett. 388 00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:55,515 Don't know why I said t. My middle name is John. 389 00:16:55,599 --> 00:16:57,517 But I'm Mr. Ryan's executive assistant. 390 00:16:57,601 --> 00:16:59,019 So, you're this guy's veep? 391 00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:01,563 - Kind of. Kind of, yeah. - Yeah. 392 00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:03,857 Well, nice to meet you guys. 393 00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:06,359 Hey, we should have you apologize for all our screw-ups. 394 00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:10,614 Uh, hurricane washout. Uh, Leon west "detention." Uh, the data breach. 395 00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,991 Oh, that... yeah, that thing with the HIV girl. 396 00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:16,203 - No, the... yes. - Uh, yes. Wow. 397 00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:18,288 That HIV girl. 398 00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:21,666 Wait a sec... 399 00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:27,047 If I didn't know better, I would suspect that there was another data breach. 400 00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:29,758 Really? 401 00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:33,887 I mean, there isn't. 402 00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:35,680 No, because I would know about it. 403 00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:36,765 Mmm. 404 00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:40,936 Listen, you guys, you want a ride back to DC? 405 00:17:41,019 --> 00:17:44,356 It'd be so great to hear some stories from the front line, you know. 406 00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:47,817 - Uh, I'd love to, but do I have any meetings? - No. No. 407 00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:51,112 - Are you sure there aren't any? - Oh... 408 00:17:51,196 --> 00:17:54,074 - Uh... uh, there's one. - Okay, good. Cancel it. 409 00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:55,408 Hope it wasn't important. 410 00:17:55,492 --> 00:17:56,910 Ah, it wasn't. 411 00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:01,414 So, here's a thing. Tom James just apologized. 412 00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:02,582 How did that go down? 413 00:18:02,666 --> 00:18:04,960 Surprisingly well. Like vodka and cereal. 414 00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:07,262 All right, so, what? Do we lose the gun guy? 415 00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:08,630 No, no. Keep the gun guy. 416 00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:11,216 Gun guys don't like it when you take things away from them. 417 00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:15,095 But it has made me realize that Tom James talked up mental health issues. 418 00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:16,739 - Let's get someone to jump on those. - Exactly. 419 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,616 Do we have any mental health charities on the books? 420 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,183 We do, but they don't pay very well. 421 00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:23,812 However, this is Alex Barry from gemmill pharmaceuticals. 422 00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:25,021 - Ah... - Amy brookheimer. 423 00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:26,457 - Hi. - Oh. How are you? 424 00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:28,121 So, uh, what is a big pharma guy like you 425 00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:30,235 doing at a concrete event like this? 426 00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:34,739 Well, construction brings builders. Builders bring sex workers. 427 00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,783 And sex workers bring stds. 428 00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,868 - A virtuous circle. - Well... 429 00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:41,913 Gary: Hey, ma'am, don't sue me, but your lawyer friends are here. 430 00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:46,042 Oh, my god! 431 00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:49,087 Hello, madam president. 432 00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:50,672 Oh, you are hotter than ever. 433 00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,257 - Oh, puh-lease. - I know! 434 00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:55,844 What do you use, like, rhino horns or monkey glands? 435 00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:57,554 All of the above. 436 00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,848 - Plus, I had my whole face done. - Oh... 437 00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:02,475 No, I didn't really have any surgery, Deborah. I didn't. 438 00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:04,436 - I haven't had... no. - Okay. 439 00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:08,148 This is sloe gin and it's a gift from the British ambassador. 440 00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:09,649 Woman: Oh, how fancy. 441 00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:12,652 It's booze, you old boozehound. 442 00:19:12,736 --> 00:19:17,574 Actually, I have been sober for five years and four months, so... 443 00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:20,118 - Oh! - Actually, yeah. 444 00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:23,997 Well, I have been sober for, uh, 27 hours, 445 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,999 - so let me take that off your hand... - Oh. Oh. 446 00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:28,251 While ijump off the wagon. 447 00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:32,047 Can I get you like a Shirley temple or a Roy Rogers? 448 00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,341 Just coke, sprite, something like that. 449 00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:35,759 - Okay, yeah. - Soda. 450 00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,845 Tom: Benjamin, you wanted to see me? 451 00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:41,306 - Is this where I get whacked? - Ben: Oh, no, sir. 452 00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:45,518 This is where we all blow you because you were so freaking great. 453 00:19:45,769 --> 00:19:47,520 Come on. 454 00:19:47,604 --> 00:19:49,731 All I did... I just went... 455 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:54,069 How can anybody not love him? He's like your dad, except he's nice. 456 00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:56,363 What the fuck are these guys doing here? 457 00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:59,032 Every player needs to roll with a crew, Ben. 458 00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:00,825 That's the truth from the street. 459 00:20:00,909 --> 00:20:02,869 This is officially my worst day. 460 00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:06,247 Well, in that case, welcome to Friday night drinks. 461 00:20:06,331 --> 00:20:07,808 Do you guys have drinks every Friday? 462 00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:09,459 Uh, only for the last five years. 463 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:12,128 No one ever thought to tell you for unaccountable reasons. 464 00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:14,464 Anyway, you're here now. 465 00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:16,883 Oh, I like my bourbon like I like my women, 466 00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:19,677 - 18 years old and wet. - Ugh. 467 00:20:19,761 --> 00:20:21,947 - I'm more of a white Russian man myself. - Here, take that. 468 00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:24,349 - Okay, I guess that's fine also. - Have a seat. 469 00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:28,395 - Uh, not there. - No. Wasn't going to. 470 00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:30,438 Okay, so, uh, what are we drinking to? 471 00:20:30,522 --> 00:20:31,564 To more shit. 472 00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:33,650 - More shit. - All right. Good. 473 00:20:34,609 --> 00:20:38,071 When is the last time when all of us were together? 474 00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:40,198 - Anna's wedding. - That was 20 years ago. 475 00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:42,867 - Oh, no, it was five years ago. - What? 476 00:20:42,951 --> 00:20:45,245 - I remarried. - She got married again. 477 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:47,914 Oh, okay. 478 00:20:48,164 --> 00:20:52,168 Well, that doesn't surprise me. Yeah. Did he finally come out? 479 00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:53,545 He died. 480 00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:55,672 Oh. 481 00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,257 I am... 482 00:20:58,341 --> 00:20:59,634 So sorry. 483 00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:02,429 I'm not. I mean, he wasn't gay. 484 00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:04,556 - He was... he was just an asshole. - Uh-huh. 485 00:21:05,014 --> 00:21:06,933 Can I swear in front of you now? 486 00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:08,685 No, you fucking can't. 487 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:13,773 Okay, dinner. Let's do it. 488 00:21:13,857 --> 00:21:15,483 Dinner at the white house! 489 00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:18,111 - What are we having? - Wait until you see. 490 00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:19,404 Beautiful room. 491 00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:21,281 It's pizza! 492 00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:24,784 Just like the old days, guys. 493 00:21:24,868 --> 00:21:27,412 Yeah, when we couldn't afford anything else. 494 00:21:28,580 --> 00:21:29,664 Yeah. 495 00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:32,792 Oh, god, so tired of these big banquets. 496 00:21:32,876 --> 00:21:35,336 - You know, six courses. Enough. - Yeah. 497 00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:38,339 What's for dessert, a tub of ice cream and four spoons? 498 00:21:39,674 --> 00:21:40,884 - Yes. - Oh! 499 00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:46,931 Any other psychotic things that we need to know about you? 500 00:21:48,057 --> 00:21:50,143 I wish you'd sterilize everyone in New Jersey. 501 00:21:50,226 --> 00:21:51,227 Good idea. 502 00:21:51,311 --> 00:21:54,481 I'm in favor of assisted dying for anyone who talks in a movie theater. 503 00:21:54,981 --> 00:21:56,274 That's fonnard thinking. 504 00:21:56,357 --> 00:21:58,943 And I think we should legalize drugs. 505 00:21:59,068 --> 00:22:00,904 Oh! Yeah! 506 00:22:00,987 --> 00:22:02,489 Yeah, I'll get the bong. 507 00:22:02,572 --> 00:22:05,825 No, no, no, that last one, that's actually not a joke. 508 00:22:09,412 --> 00:22:12,332 Set it up, knock it down. Tom James. 509 00:22:14,918 --> 00:22:16,669 I'm serious. 510 00:22:16,753 --> 00:22:18,213 I believe we should legalize drugs. 511 00:22:18,296 --> 00:22:21,508 Having seen what my son has been through, I think it's the only way. 512 00:22:22,592 --> 00:22:23,927 Fuck my face. 513 00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:25,386 Okay, uh... 514 00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:27,406 If this gets out, my life's hell. 515 00:22:27,430 --> 00:22:29,432 Guys, guys! Come on. 516 00:22:29,516 --> 00:22:31,351 Everybody, calm down. 517 00:22:31,434 --> 00:22:34,020 Yeah, let's just smoke a doobie and pop some ludes. 518 00:22:34,437 --> 00:22:36,856 So, Deborah, give us some updates on your life. 519 00:22:36,940 --> 00:22:39,359 - I do a lot of pro bono work now. - Oh, good for you. 520 00:22:39,442 --> 00:22:42,654 Yeah, you know, family disputes, school exclusions, that sort of thing. 521 00:22:42,737 --> 00:22:45,156 Look at us, we're working it from both ends. 522 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:46,824 How so? 523 00:22:47,992 --> 00:22:51,120 Well, because I'm about to pass this legislation. 524 00:22:51,204 --> 00:22:53,081 - Families first? - Families first, yeah. 525 00:22:53,164 --> 00:22:54,541 I'm very proud of it. 526 00:22:58,962 --> 00:23:00,380 What do you guys think of it? 527 00:23:00,463 --> 00:23:02,966 Well, it's not everything you want it to be, obviously, 528 00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:04,809 because they put all those amendments on it. 529 00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:07,387 - I think it's in pretty good shape. Yeah. - Mmm. 530 00:23:07,470 --> 00:23:10,348 I mean, I think it's gonna make a big difference in people's lives. 531 00:23:10,431 --> 00:23:14,143 Ah! Perhaps you haven't thought through the tax margins properly. 532 00:23:14,227 --> 00:23:18,731 Wow. We have the finest economic minds working on the bill. 533 00:23:18,815 --> 00:23:22,193 Thank god, because tax law was never your strength. 534 00:23:22,277 --> 00:23:25,655 - I really... I really read up about it a lot. - Oh, my god. 535 00:23:25,738 --> 00:23:28,658 Do you remember? "What's 15%? What's 15%?" 536 00:23:29,284 --> 00:23:32,120 - I don't want to talk about politics anymore. - Okay. 537 00:23:32,203 --> 00:23:34,243 - I agree. Iagree. - No, you're right. You're right. 538 00:23:36,833 --> 00:23:37,875 She can't have wine. 539 00:23:38,835 --> 00:23:40,128 Gary: Oh, I'm so sorry. 540 00:23:41,170 --> 00:23:43,131 Remember the dude ranch? 541 00:23:43,631 --> 00:23:45,508 - Remember the dude ranch? - Oh, my god! 542 00:23:45,592 --> 00:23:47,427 - With Vanessa! - Yeah. Oh, my god... 543 00:23:47,510 --> 00:23:50,638 - I heard there was pizza. - Oh, look who's here! 544 00:23:50,722 --> 00:23:52,765 How about that? You remember Catherine. 545 00:23:52,849 --> 00:23:55,727 Do you recognize her? She lost all of her baby fat. 546 00:23:55,810 --> 00:23:57,353 Deborah: Yep. 547 00:23:57,437 --> 00:24:01,608 Listen, I'm not gonna tell everyone what I think. 548 00:24:01,733 --> 00:24:04,819 Jeez, I wouldn't last 10 seconds in a men's room. 549 00:24:04,902 --> 00:24:07,363 But between us, I just think honesty is the best policy. 550 00:24:07,989 --> 00:24:10,033 - Sure. - Absolutely. 551 00:24:10,199 --> 00:24:12,035 So, in that spirit, 552 00:24:12,118 --> 00:24:16,289 maybe somebody could now kindly tell me what the fuck 553 00:24:16,372 --> 00:24:18,291 is this other data breach. 554 00:24:19,125 --> 00:24:21,336 - Uh, Kent? - Bill? 555 00:24:22,545 --> 00:24:23,905 Mike: I don't care. I'll tell you. 556 00:24:24,213 --> 00:24:25,882 Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, there, trigger. 557 00:24:25,965 --> 00:24:28,235 Mike, you're a spokesman. You're not supposed to say anything. 558 00:24:28,259 --> 00:24:30,970 The meyer campaign used the health records of dead children 559 00:24:31,054 --> 00:24:34,432 to target and appeal to voters who were recently bereaved parents. 560 00:24:34,557 --> 00:24:37,310 - Jesus. - It's a real doozy, huh? 561 00:24:39,562 --> 00:24:42,398 Seems like the party has hit a quiet point. 562 00:24:43,483 --> 00:24:46,069 Jonah: It's not really as bad as it sounds. 563 00:24:47,195 --> 00:24:50,114 You know, those kids have been dead for a while. 564 00:24:52,784 --> 00:24:55,995 You know, I could kick over chairs and scream, 565 00:24:56,079 --> 00:24:58,831 "how in the risen fuck did this happen?" 566 00:24:59,749 --> 00:25:01,542 What's the point? It's done. 567 00:25:01,709 --> 00:25:05,880 I say we move on together. The magnificent seven. 568 00:25:06,255 --> 00:25:08,675 - He's really good. - It's 'cause there's seven of us. 569 00:25:08,758 --> 00:25:11,552 - I meant as a politician. - I know. Yeah, it's... yeah. 570 00:25:11,636 --> 00:25:14,138 So, we move toward. To even more shit. 571 00:25:14,222 --> 00:25:16,849 - To even more shit. - All: To even more shit. 572 00:25:16,933 --> 00:25:19,435 Did you see Tom James on meet the press? 573 00:25:19,519 --> 00:25:22,605 Oh, yeah. I'd like to press his meat. 574 00:25:23,690 --> 00:25:25,942 Woman: He's sexy without knowing he's sexy. 575 00:25:26,025 --> 00:25:27,378 - Deborah: Yeah. - And that's really sexy. 576 00:25:27,402 --> 00:25:30,029 Now, if he was selling families first, I'd buy it for sure. 577 00:25:30,113 --> 00:25:32,031 - Really? - I believe in him. 578 00:25:32,115 --> 00:25:33,116 Mmm-hmm. 579 00:25:33,199 --> 00:25:34,799 - I believe in you, too. - Uh-huh. Right. 580 00:25:34,867 --> 00:25:38,454 It's just that the office of the president is a really difficultjob. 581 00:25:38,538 --> 00:25:41,374 - Mmm-hmm. I'll tell you what's really difficult. - Mmm. 582 00:25:41,457 --> 00:25:44,711 It's really difficult talking to you now that you're sober. 583 00:25:45,211 --> 00:25:46,629 That's tough. 584 00:25:47,463 --> 00:25:48,548 Okay. 585 00:25:48,631 --> 00:25:52,135 Um... wow. I am sorry, but I am tired. 586 00:25:52,218 --> 00:25:56,264 I mean, I would love to keep this party going for... 587 00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:59,851 - But, um... - Thanks for having us. 588 00:25:59,934 --> 00:26:01,245 - Oh, yeah, sure. - Thank you very much. 589 00:26:01,269 --> 00:26:05,064 You're eating ice cream? Really? She's eating ice cream, Gary? 590 00:26:05,148 --> 00:26:06,828 - I mean... - Catherine: I just had a bite. 591 00:26:07,150 --> 00:26:08,544 Man: Ma'am, intruder in the grounds. 592 00:26:08,568 --> 00:26:10,361 - This is a lockdown! - God, another one? 593 00:26:10,445 --> 00:26:12,464 - You've got to be shitting me. - No, Gary, it's the same one. 594 00:26:12,488 --> 00:26:14,216 - He's doing a victory lap. - Man: Seal the room! 595 00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:17,201 I shook Jack Nicholson's hand and I thought, 596 00:26:17,285 --> 00:26:18,786 "if this hand could talk, 597 00:26:18,870 --> 00:26:21,247 it would say, 'wash me. 598 00:26:21,539 --> 00:26:23,499 All right, 'cause of all the sex stuff. 599 00:26:23,583 --> 00:26:25,561 Man: Okay, everyone, this is a lockdown. Stay here. 600 00:26:25,585 --> 00:26:27,211 Do not move. 601 00:26:27,295 --> 00:26:29,839 They're just gonna keep coming and coming until they kill us. 602 00:26:29,922 --> 00:26:33,092 - This can't be happening. - This is classic copycat. 603 00:26:33,176 --> 00:26:34,886 Yeah, no, it's classic copycat. 604 00:26:34,969 --> 00:26:38,681 Oh, it's just like me just then. You know, it's classic copycat. 605 00:26:38,765 --> 00:26:39,974 Okay, we are in lockdown. 606 00:26:40,057 --> 00:26:41,517 - This is a lockdown. - Shh. 607 00:26:44,145 --> 00:26:46,265 All right, everybody, it's that time. What time is it? 608 00:26:46,314 --> 00:26:48,274 It's... stop! Raffle time! 609 00:26:48,357 --> 00:26:50,294 Get those tickets out. Yeah! 610 00:26:50,318 --> 00:26:52,421 The lovely Kimberly over here is gonna pull the winning ticket 611 00:26:52,445 --> 00:26:54,590 out of the cement mixer, which I thought was a nice touch. 612 00:26:54,614 --> 00:26:57,158 - Here we go. - Is lobbying always like this? 613 00:26:57,241 --> 00:27:00,161 I have a funny sinking feeling it might be. 614 00:27:00,244 --> 00:27:01,847 If you don't win a prize, don't worry about it. 615 00:27:01,871 --> 00:27:03,849 We're gonna fire up the shirt Cannon one more time. 616 00:27:03,873 --> 00:27:06,125 Yeah. Yeah. 617 00:27:06,209 --> 00:27:08,503 This is all free swag, guys. Have some fun. 618 00:27:09,295 --> 00:27:11,422 I wish the intruder would just kill me. 619 00:27:11,506 --> 00:27:15,218 Well, if the intruder kills you, Mike, then who's gonna announce your death? 620 00:27:15,301 --> 00:27:16,511 You okay? 621 00:27:17,178 --> 00:27:19,472 Your face looks kind of like a sad egg. 622 00:27:19,889 --> 00:27:21,557 I think I'm a fraud. 623 00:27:22,934 --> 00:27:24,101 I'm not good at my job. 624 00:27:24,685 --> 00:27:27,605 The story about the emperor and the new clothes. 625 00:27:27,688 --> 00:27:29,357 I'm the emperor. 626 00:27:30,024 --> 00:27:32,443 No, I'm the clothes. 627 00:27:33,402 --> 00:27:36,113 I'm the guy who will fuck this government. 628 00:27:36,197 --> 00:27:37,573 Tom: Come on, Mike. 629 00:27:37,698 --> 00:27:39,826 Hey, at least you got your hair. 630 00:27:41,077 --> 00:27:43,079 God. Oh, my god, I can't breathe. I can't breathe. 631 00:27:43,162 --> 00:27:45,098 - Honey, you need water. You need water. - I gotta do something. 632 00:27:45,122 --> 00:27:46,207 Can somebody help her? 633 00:27:46,290 --> 00:27:48,690 Selina: These people are only here to protect me, I'm afraid. 634 00:27:48,751 --> 00:27:50,896 - Are we gonna be okay? - Selina: You're gonna be fine. 635 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:52,606 The only person who's interested in killing you, 636 00:27:52,630 --> 00:27:54,382 Deborah, is here in this room. 637 00:27:55,091 --> 00:27:56,318 That was a joke. 638 00:27:56,342 --> 00:27:59,595 You know, you can't see my face, but I'm actually making a joke. 639 00:28:00,429 --> 00:28:03,182 Put that back. Put it back. 640 00:28:03,975 --> 00:28:05,434 Jesus Christ.