1 00:00:06,424 --> 00:00:07,758 (Theme music playing) 2 00:00:18,436 --> 00:00:19,520 Fundamentally, 3 00:00:19,604 --> 00:00:24,192 the families first bill will help our most vulnerable kids, 4 00:00:24,275 --> 00:00:27,445 like the little boy in Seattle who asked Santa 5 00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:31,032 to teach him how to read for Christmas. 6 00:00:31,115 --> 00:00:32,325 How did he write the note? 7 00:00:32,408 --> 00:00:35,703 Or the little girl down in pine hill, Alabama. 8 00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:38,915 She's HIV positive via breast milk, 9 00:00:38,998 --> 00:00:42,710 but who still dreams of becoming a ballerina. 10 00:00:42,793 --> 00:00:44,170 Well, they do need to stay thin. 11 00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:45,355 Selina: And why shouldn't they? 12 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:46,923 What? They do. 13 00:00:47,006 --> 00:00:50,635 We want to give all kids a reason to dance, you know? 14 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,390 Dan: Sir. Ben: Yes? 15 00:00:56,474 --> 00:00:57,642 - The HIV girl. - Yes? 16 00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,453 The one that the president mentioned in the CBS interview. 17 00:00:59,477 --> 00:01:00,478 - Yes? - All right. 18 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,039 Well, some people on Reddit put the details together. 19 00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:03,648 Now the whole town knows who she is. 20 00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:05,066 Fuck! 21 00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:07,127 I preferred the Internet when it was just altavista 22 00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:08,986 and that little star wars kid. 23 00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:10,821 - Did we definitely out this girl? - Yeah. 24 00:01:10,905 --> 00:01:13,074 - Shit. - Only her doctor and her principal knew. 25 00:01:13,157 --> 00:01:14,760 Now parents are keeping their kids home from school 26 00:01:14,784 --> 00:01:16,762 'cause they don't want them to, quote, "catch aids." 27 00:01:16,786 --> 00:01:20,122 Well, there's a town with no gay pride parade or a goddamn library. 28 00:01:20,206 --> 00:01:22,643 Where did this data come from? How did we get her medical records? 29 00:01:22,667 --> 00:01:24,467 And why didn't we ask her parents' permission? 30 00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:27,255 Oh, thank you, question man. You just saved the entire city. 31 00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:28,422 Or did you? 32 00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:31,259 This is catching fire like a gas station in a Michael bay movie. 33 00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:32,551 - Yeah. - What's our line here? 34 00:01:32,635 --> 00:01:34,345 - Do we tell the president? - No. 35 00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:36,722 - No? - No, she's gonna panic. 36 00:01:36,806 --> 00:01:38,599 We got to find out more facts, all right? 37 00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:40,935 - Bozos, disassemble. - All right. 38 00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:42,019 Okay. 39 00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:44,915 I always feel like the ruching on this one really accentuates your figure. 40 00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:46,691 Okay, you're right. Let's go with that. 41 00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:49,618 - Okay, I'll have the valet lay this out for you. - No, you can do it. 42 00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:50,778 Oh. (Laughs) 43 00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,821 - Reminds me of an easier time, you know? - Right. 44 00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:55,700 - (Chuckles) - Or a time whose problems I've suppressed. 45 00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:56,784 Right. 46 00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,287 Ooh, there's my favorite slice of fun. 47 00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:00,705 Look at this. 48 00:02:01,706 --> 00:02:03,207 What is this? 49 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,460 Selina: (Sighs) Catherine, you are smoking? 50 00:02:06,544 --> 00:02:08,838 I'm vaping. That's not the point. 51 00:02:08,921 --> 00:02:12,300 This has been happening every week. My private life should be off-limits. 52 00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:14,593 I see that you are still seeing Jason. 53 00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:17,430 He photographs well for his age. 54 00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:19,473 Ma'am, the apple growers association 55 00:02:19,557 --> 00:02:21,517 would like to name a new brand of apple after you. 56 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:22,643 Is it a good apple? 57 00:02:22,727 --> 00:02:24,395 - It's a baking apple. - Fuck 'em. 58 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:27,690 Oh, and bill ericsson wants to see you before you leave about Catherine. 59 00:02:27,773 --> 00:02:30,318 - The smoking photograph. - Vaping. 60 00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:32,611 Actually, there is a photoshopped image in the post 61 00:02:32,695 --> 00:02:36,240 of what you and Catherine might look like if you had eight years in power. 62 00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:39,243 Oh, my god, I look like grandpa. 63 00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:40,870 - What? - (Gasps) 64 00:02:41,704 --> 00:02:43,304 Selina: Oh. What did they do to my nose? 65 00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:44,498 Mom, what about me? 66 00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:49,253 Yeah, I know. I... This is so disrespectful. 67 00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:51,097 Where is Mike? Is he still doing his gaggle? 68 00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:52,965 - Yes, he's gaggling, ma'am. - All right. 69 00:02:53,299 --> 00:02:55,760 Woman: Will the president be commenting on this breaking story 70 00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,003 about little Jennifer Graham? 71 00:02:57,053 --> 00:02:59,138 Uh, yes. Uh... 72 00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:01,932 We will, uh, very soon have a statement on that. 73 00:03:02,141 --> 00:03:04,578 Reporter: The white house released the girl's private information. 74 00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:06,322 Where did this confidential data come from? 75 00:03:06,604 --> 00:03:10,566 (Clears throat) I know that the president confirmed that she does have HIV and... 76 00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:12,568 The girl, that is, has HIV. 77 00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:15,696 Uh, but the provenance of that data has yet to be determined. 78 00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:18,991 - Ma'am, Mike is just... - Yeah, I know. He's fluffing the hacks. 79 00:03:19,617 --> 00:03:21,537 - Ma'am, this isn't a good time. - Hi, everybody. 80 00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:24,622 Is Mike sharing his donut holes with y'all? 81 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,665 (All laughing) 82 00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:31,504 And, Lyle, I hope that you're gonna bring your daughter to the easter egg roll. 83 00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:34,256 Oh, thank you for remembering I have a daughter, ma'am. 84 00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:35,549 Oh, of course, yeah. 85 00:03:35,633 --> 00:03:37,301 - And also my name. - Yes. 86 00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:39,720 - It's Lyle. - It's Lyle and it's my pleasure. 87 00:03:39,804 --> 00:03:43,474 Hey, you know, speaking of daughters, I just wanted to mention Catherine. 88 00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:45,810 I know that she's the first daughter, 89 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:48,646 but I would be very grateful if you guys 90 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:52,650 would just give her a little bit of space in her private life. 91 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:55,736 I mean, you know, I'm the rock star. She's not the rock star. 92 00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:56,862 (All laugh) 93 00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,924 So, thanks, I appreciate it. Great to see everybody. 94 00:03:58,948 --> 00:04:01,742 With respect, ma'am, do you think those same privacies 95 00:04:01,826 --> 00:04:04,328 should be given to an 8-year-old girl with HIV? 96 00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:10,209 Um, well, HIV is a terrible burden, 97 00:04:10,292 --> 00:04:14,672 and I'm very happy to be helping families who are affected by it. 98 00:04:15,214 --> 00:04:16,340 That is off the record. 99 00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:18,467 Bill: Okay. This briefing is over. 100 00:04:18,551 --> 00:04:21,762 Nice to see you guys. I'll see you at the easter egg roll. 101 00:04:21,846 --> 00:04:23,514 - My friend, yes. - Lyle. 102 00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:27,685 What the hell? 103 00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:29,728 Where did HIV come from? 104 00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:32,189 I think some guy fucked a monkey. 105 00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:37,361 Jesus Christ! Why didn't you warn me about that, Mike? 106 00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:39,196 Ma'am, I tried to, right when you came in. 107 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,115 No, you didn't. 108 00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:43,951 - You're right, I didn't. I should have. - That's right. 109 00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:46,514 - You were right, ma'am. - Yeah, no, you didn't warn me at all. 110 00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:48,372 What the fuck is happening? 111 00:04:48,456 --> 00:04:49,790 It's a data breach. 112 00:04:49,874 --> 00:04:53,669 Medical, social security records were hacked by someone working for us 113 00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:55,880 and then put into the families first press pack. 114 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,174 That's not just a breach. That's a data rupture. 115 00:04:58,257 --> 00:05:00,551 All of these words are meaningless to me. 116 00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:03,471 Here's what we're gonna do. It's an outrageous idea. 117 00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:06,640 Let's find the person who's responsible and let's fire them. 118 00:05:06,724 --> 00:05:08,934 Ma'am, there's so much data fluidity on this project, 119 00:05:09,018 --> 00:05:10,412 the culprit will be hard to pin down. 120 00:05:10,436 --> 00:05:11,997 Well, the press doesn't need the culprit. 121 00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:13,814 The press needs a culprit. 122 00:05:13,898 --> 00:05:17,318 You know, there are hordes of young women who roam the halls of the west wing. 123 00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:19,445 - Yes? - 15% of them were hired to be fired. 124 00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:22,114 - Yeah. We call them the expendabelles. - (Laughs) 125 00:05:22,198 --> 00:05:23,824 - Selina: That's not funny, boys. - No. 126 00:05:23,908 --> 00:05:25,701 Okay, Dan, go sacrifice a virgin. 127 00:05:26,619 --> 00:05:27,912 Just another Saturday night. 128 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,831 - That's not funny, Amy. - What? Why not? 129 00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:36,670 Hey, egan, is somebody gonna get fired over this aidsnami? 130 00:05:36,754 --> 00:05:39,131 Oh, yeah. And I'm in charge of the canning, Jonah. 131 00:05:39,215 --> 00:05:40,341 I'm the Dan who can. 132 00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:44,011 Okay, well, I was only involved in the families first bill via you, so... 133 00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:46,388 What about your side-dick here? You tell him stuff? 134 00:05:46,472 --> 00:05:49,183 Oh, god, yes. He was more involved than I was. 135 00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:52,603 - He was up to his thighs in it. - I don't think I was, sir. 136 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,396 How's the view from down there, you snake? 137 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:55,606 - It's harsh. - Oh, harsh? 138 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,275 - Jonah: Okay, we need to be a unified front. - Uh... 139 00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:00,344 What are you guys doing right now? 140 00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:03,948 Oh, we're working on the veep's walk-on music for tonight. The police. 141 00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:06,951 Law and order mixed with very mild reggae, 142 00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,452 I'd say a comforting balance. 143 00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:11,348 Hey, Jonah, how would you like to be a little more involved tonight? 144 00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:13,874 Supervise the balloons, the streamers, the fireworks? 145 00:06:13,958 --> 00:06:15,084 - All right. - Yeah? 146 00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:17,646 You know I got an eye for that. That's why I'm such a good photographer. 147 00:06:17,670 --> 00:06:20,130 - Absolutely. Yeah. - And I love fireworks. 148 00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:22,633 The noise, the lights. 149 00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:25,261 Mostly those aspects. 150 00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,281 All right, look, I'm gonna text you about this later. 151 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:31,016 Right now, I've gotta go. This goat's not gonna scape itself. 152 00:06:31,976 --> 00:06:33,227 I feel persecuted. 153 00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:36,814 I'm just waiting for the press to throw me in a pond to see if I'll float. 154 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,691 Honeymoon's over, isn't it? 155 00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:40,943 It was kind of a shitty honeymoon, too. 156 00:06:41,777 --> 00:06:44,989 - Just like my actual honeymoon with daddy. - I know, mom. 157 00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:48,325 The onion did a parody of that photo in the post. 158 00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:50,286 Oh, really? I like the onion. 159 00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:51,846 What you'll look like when you're leaving office, 160 00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:54,498 except you look exactly like you do now. 161 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,041 Okay. 162 00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,562 They think you'll only be president for a few months. 163 00:06:58,586 --> 00:07:01,338 - That's the joke. - No, no, I get it, yeah. 164 00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:04,383 That's funny. That's funny stuff. 165 00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:06,385 Man: (On TV) My girl's had her life ruined. 166 00:07:06,677 --> 00:07:09,072 (Chuckling) How did the president find out about her information? 167 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:12,725 This thing has gotten way too big. It's like my mom's cat. 168 00:07:12,808 --> 00:07:15,102 The president is just trying to help children. 169 00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:18,814 I don't understand why everyone keeps focusing on the negative, you know? 170 00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:21,108 Maybe because, Gary, we ruined a girl's life. 171 00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:22,526 Negative, negative, negative. 172 00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:24,945 Mike, the national parents group 173 00:07:25,029 --> 00:07:28,532 cut the cord on supporting families first at next week's press event. 174 00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:29,908 Great, now parents hate us. 175 00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:31,744 Oh, god, welcome to my childhood. 176 00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:33,829 And adulthood, actually. 177 00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,164 We need to shut the story down. 178 00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:36,957 I'm aware of that. Thank you, sue. 179 00:07:37,041 --> 00:07:38,459 Well, why haven't you shut it down? 180 00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:40,854 If you see a fire, do you look at the fire and put it out, 181 00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:42,838 or do you just say, "I'm aware of it"? 182 00:07:44,173 --> 00:07:47,092 Sue cannot tell me how to do my job. 183 00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:48,177 She just did. 184 00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:53,098 Oh. I bet this baby could sure spill a lot of glitter, am I right? 185 00:07:53,182 --> 00:07:54,183 Put it down. 186 00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:56,852 That thing goes off in your face, 187 00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:58,854 the surgeon will be tweezering tiny shamrocks 188 00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:00,481 out of your eye jelly for a week. 189 00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:02,066 Hello, sir. Jonah Ryan. 190 00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:04,276 Now, I cannot tell you who we represent, 191 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,987 but let's just go so far as to say that my boss is a powerful guy, 192 00:08:07,071 --> 00:08:08,751 and his boss, I cannot stress her power... 193 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:12,660 I get it. He's vp Doyle, she's temporary president meyer. 194 00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:14,578 You think confetti and a disco ball's 195 00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:16,342 gonna keep those clowns in the white house? 196 00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:19,809 Well, sir, if you would like us to take our business elsewhere, we... 197 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,294 Grow up, huh? I do anyone. 198 00:08:22,378 --> 00:08:24,755 I did balloons for Jerry Ford in '76. 199 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:27,549 Met him. Asshole. 200 00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:29,259 Uh, so, what can you organize for us? 201 00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:32,304 - There's the, uh, presidential. - Oh, that sounds perfect. 202 00:08:32,388 --> 00:08:34,515 That's bottom of the range. You don't want that. 203 00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:37,518 I just named it presidential because of that asshole Ford. 204 00:08:37,601 --> 00:08:39,770 We've been told to really go to town. 205 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:42,773 Well, then you want the star-spangled banger 206 00:08:42,898 --> 00:08:45,275 or red, white, and whoo-hoo. 207 00:08:45,401 --> 00:08:48,320 Now, will we have some sort of creative control over the music? 208 00:08:48,404 --> 00:08:52,324 I don't give a shit, son. I still get paid. Let me show you what we got. 209 00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,623 - (Sighs) There she is. - Hey. 210 00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,834 - Hey, I'm excited. - Okay. Good. 211 00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:03,085 I'll warm them up for you. 212 00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:05,879 - Question is, how hot do you want them? - Red hot. 213 00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:09,383 Gonna do the snail joke, right? That's your trademark joke. Signature joke. 214 00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,301 Yeah, you don't have to do the snail joke. 215 00:09:11,385 --> 00:09:12,386 (Chuckles) It's so funny. 216 00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:14,906 Uh, Andrew, listen. Let me ask you something. 217 00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:17,266 Do you think this HIV girl thing is killing us, or what? 218 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:18,851 No, no, no. You're gonna be fine. 219 00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:21,061 Look, the news moves so quickly, 220 00:09:21,145 --> 00:09:25,107 we'll have a new iPhone or the Chinese will be in Chicago. 221 00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:31,071 - Amy, can I talk to you a sec? - Sure. 222 00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:35,617 Doyle's using every breath you take for his walk-on music. 223 00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:37,870 He loves that song. He got married to it, both times. 224 00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:40,080 Every line ends with, "I'll be watching you." 225 00:09:40,164 --> 00:09:42,791 Sting might as well be singing, "I'll access your medical data," 226 00:09:42,875 --> 00:09:44,626 in a fake Jamaican accent. 227 00:09:47,713 --> 00:09:48,756 Having fun? 228 00:09:50,048 --> 00:09:51,300 Yes, ma'am. 229 00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:53,343 - But also working hard. - Mmm-hmm. 230 00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:55,596 - Thank you for asking. - It's Chloe? 231 00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:57,222 - It's Ellie. - Lee. 232 00:09:57,556 --> 00:09:58,849 - Lee. - Lee? 233 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,517 - Lee. - Ah. 234 00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:03,729 You can't change the music. It's all cued up with the light show. 235 00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:08,025 Fuck the light show, Jonah, okay? He's the vice president, not the new Lexus. 236 00:10:08,192 --> 00:10:09,860 - Fuck the light show? - Yeah, fuck it. 237 00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,004 Be careful with this, Mr. Ryan. 238 00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:12,630 It burns your hand even through the corrugated sleeve. 239 00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:13,781 Can you do this? 240 00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:16,625 Is there a way to change Doyle's music without screwing up the lights? 241 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,243 - Oh, absolutely. - Great. 242 00:10:18,327 --> 00:10:20,788 Well, I'm not sure, but positivity is the first step. 243 00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:21,955 -Loveit -change it to what? 244 00:10:22,039 --> 00:10:23,759 - Doesn't matter. - I honestly have no idea. 245 00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:25,018 What do you have on your phone? 246 00:10:25,042 --> 00:10:27,795 Well, it's mostly self-help audio books and relaxation tapes. 247 00:10:27,878 --> 00:10:29,171 I'm quite an anxious man. 248 00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:31,215 Oh, you know what? I've got movie themes. 249 00:10:31,757 --> 00:10:32,800 I'll cue eye of the tiger. 250 00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:35,844 Okay, guys, guys. Eye of the tiger? 251 00:10:35,928 --> 00:10:38,013 Any controversial lyrics in that? 252 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,476 - It's good. It's good. - Do it. Do it. 253 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:46,188 Man: Ladies and gentlemen, the vice president of the United States. 254 00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:47,874 (Playing on speakers) Every breath you take 255 00:10:47,898 --> 00:10:48,982 (whispers) What the fuck? 256 00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:50,150 Uh-oh. What? 257 00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:51,443 I don't know what's happened. 258 00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:54,822 You know, I usually use a Mac, so this is windows 8's fault if anybody's. 259 00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:58,075 Every bond you break every step you take 260 00:10:58,200 --> 00:10:59,701 you know, the great Mark twain, 261 00:10:59,785 --> 00:11:04,164 one of my dream dinner party guests in actual fact... 262 00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:05,457 (Crowd laughing) 263 00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:06,708 Once said that... 264 00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:09,169 Screwed over by the police. 265 00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:10,587 I'm Rodney fucking king. 266 00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:12,881 Another blunder to undermine my campaign. 267 00:11:12,965 --> 00:11:15,634 It's not a blunder. It was an unfortunate mistake. 268 00:11:16,051 --> 00:11:18,720 - Yes, the definition of a blunder, so... - Right. 269 00:11:18,804 --> 00:11:22,266 Nobody listens to the words anyways. You know? I just dance. (Chuckles) 270 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:26,520 Twitter has it. #everylittlethingshedoeslstragic. 271 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:29,982 Doyle: So, without further delay, please welcome onto this stage... 272 00:11:30,065 --> 00:11:31,066 Go get 'em. 273 00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:33,861 - The president of the United States. - (Crowd cheering) 274 00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:38,115 (Ha/I to the chief playing) 275 00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:40,784 They loved it, ma'am. You were like a rock star. 276 00:11:40,951 --> 00:11:43,704 Not sting. Uh, Kurt cobain. Well, not him. 277 00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:46,498 It was my rally, okay? My supporters, of course. 278 00:11:46,582 --> 00:11:48,876 It's like getting a Valentine from your own mom, you know? 279 00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:53,213 Ma'am, we're losing micro-donors. We'll be down to nano-donors. 280 00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:54,732 What do you mean, we're losing micro-donors? 281 00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,276 - We can't. That's our backbone. - Yes. 282 00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,427 Amy: They want to be removed from our database. 283 00:11:58,510 --> 00:12:00,071 They don't want us having their personal data. 284 00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:03,599 Man: Madam president, when are you gonna make a statement about Jennifer Graham? 285 00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:07,477 It's vital that these small-time nobodies realize we respect them, okay? 286 00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:09,146 Woman: Jennifer Graham's aunt says, 287 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:12,524 "only an unfit mother would be immune to her niece's suffering." 288 00:12:12,608 --> 00:12:14,294 Okay, I'm gonna have to answer that, all right? 289 00:12:14,318 --> 00:12:15,753 I'm gonna make a statement on camera. 290 00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:17,654 Do you think that's the best move, ma'am? 291 00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:22,075 The thing I just said that I should do? Do I think it's the thing I should do? 292 00:12:22,618 --> 00:12:23,994 Is that your question, Mike? 293 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:29,499 - We've decided to make a quick statement. - (Clears throat) Um... 294 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:34,588 I just want to simply say that I had no knowledge of this data breach. 295 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:39,426 But as president, I take full responsibility because that's part of the job. 296 00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:41,595 (Fireworks exploding) 297 00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:45,015 Um, I'm going to find out who's responsible 298 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,768 - and why it happened and how it happened. - (Continues exploding) 299 00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:52,189 And lastly, I want to extend my apologies to Jennifer Graham 300 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,691 - and her entire... - (Continues exploding) 301 00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:59,824 If that happened, it would be hugely damaging and enormously problematic. 302 00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:01,448 - Hi, madam president. - Hi. 303 00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:04,076 - Ma'am, got us a scapegoat. - Oh. 304 00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:06,179 Girl in the writers' room for the joint sessions speech. 305 00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:09,498 She was also at the rally tonight. Sci-Fi Sally something. 306 00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:10,707 - Ellie? - Chloe. 307 00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:11,792 - Marie. - Claire. 308 00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:13,293 - It's Lee. - Kent: Gary is right. 309 00:13:13,377 --> 00:13:15,796 Her name is Lee and she is a fine staffer. 310 00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:18,298 Great on close reading and policy analysis. 311 00:13:18,382 --> 00:13:21,093 I see splashes of myself in her. 312 00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:22,260 I now regret that phrase. 313 00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:25,639 Ma'am, the American family group is pulling their support. 314 00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:26,765 - What? - Yeah. 315 00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:28,308 Where did you get that from? 316 00:13:28,392 --> 00:13:30,227 - An anonymous source. - Shit. 317 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:33,063 Who's my sister-in-law, who works for the American family group. 318 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,356 - Okay, Dan. - Yeah. 319 00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:35,482 Go fire Lee. 320 00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:36,984 Mike, announce a head is rolling. 321 00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:40,737 Okay, Ben, Amy, go fix this fireworks shit. 322 00:13:41,530 --> 00:13:43,115 - Gary, I need an energy bar. - Yeah. 323 00:13:43,198 --> 00:13:46,243 - No, apple. No, fuck it, cheese. - Mmm. Oh. 324 00:13:46,410 --> 00:13:49,830 - Ma'am... - Look, Kent, I'm sorry, but Chloe's got to go. 325 00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:51,456 - It's not Chloe, it's Lee. - Okay. 326 00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:54,334 - And anyway, it's not Lee, it's Catherine. - What? 327 00:13:54,418 --> 00:13:58,046 She wants to work with an anti-bullying charity. 328 00:13:58,296 --> 00:13:59,673 What, is she nuts? 329 00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:03,051 I mean, it's gonna make it look like she thinks her mom bullied her. 330 00:14:03,135 --> 00:14:06,138 Well, I think she's calculating that this will make her more likable. 331 00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,140 Not with me, it fucking won't. 332 00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:11,393 Ma'am, cheese is on its way. Here's an interim banana. 333 00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:17,107 It doesn't even work. 334 00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:19,109 So, do I leave tomorrow? 335 00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:20,569 You leave now. 336 00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:23,372 Unless you're on a tour, you will not be at the white house tomorrow. 337 00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:27,409 What if I cried? Like the women do in movies? 338 00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:29,137 Wouldn't work. You're talking to a guy 339 00:14:29,161 --> 00:14:32,001 who once broke off an engagement at an applebee's, then ordered dessert. 340 00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:36,918 May I have your pass? 341 00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,631 It was a pleasure working with you... 342 00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:42,799 Lee. 343 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:50,390 Reporter: (On TV) With more revelations in the medileaks scandal emerging, 344 00:14:50,474 --> 00:14:51,475 who knew? 345 00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:52,851 Was there a cover-up? 346 00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:56,354 And if so, how far up the chain of command did it go? 347 00:14:56,438 --> 00:14:59,500 Oh, it's working its way up my chain of command. I think it's reached my pancreas. 348 00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:02,402 Private medical details released by the white house 349 00:15:02,611 --> 00:15:05,238 have now identified five more children... 350 00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:08,241 Fitting that for easter, this story refuses to fucking die. 351 00:15:08,325 --> 00:15:11,328 Is there no other news? Whatever happened to ebola? I loved ebola. 352 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,789 So, we threw someone off the life raft. 353 00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:15,791 Did no one think to tell the sharks? 354 00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:18,502 Uh, ma'am, I don't think the girl was senior enough. 355 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,837 We need to cut the throat of a bigger goat. 356 00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:22,798 So, who's next for the guillotine? 357 00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:25,008 - Uh, Jonah Ryan. - Jonah? 358 00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:27,677 Yes, ma'am. I've been fattening him up for just this occasion. 359 00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:29,596 - What? - Oh, I got him a staff. 360 00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:32,366 And I got him involved in families first. I even got him on the campaign. 361 00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:35,018 He's the one who did the fireworks and the music for last night. 362 00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:36,103 (Whispers) That was him? 363 00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:37,455 - Off with his fat head. - I can easily link him to 364 00:15:37,479 --> 00:15:38,498 the whole data breach thing... 365 00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:39,791 It's like he has no sense of what's going on. 366 00:15:39,815 --> 00:15:41,834 Excuse me. Did you know that Dan was in the middle of speaking? 367 00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:42,859 - Yeah, yeah. - Thank you. 368 00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,862 And plus, he's got that whole inherently guilty look. 369 00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:48,782 You know, that kind of surprised masturbator face. The... 370 00:15:49,032 --> 00:15:54,037 Yeah, he does. Do it. Get rid of him. Throw him under a bus. 371 00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:55,997 If you can find one that's long enough. 372 00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:01,586 Hey, egan, vp wants to see the p. 373 00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:05,590 He thinks a bigger head needs to roll, okay? Like a massive, easter island-sized head. 374 00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,926 - Hmm. - No. No. 375 00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:10,971 Look at me, I've got a small head. I could wear a child's hat. 376 00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:12,556 And besides, 377 00:16:13,265 --> 00:16:15,517 I know about you spreading the Danny chung torture rumor. 378 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,245 Oh, well, that's useless leverage right now, Jonah, 379 00:16:17,269 --> 00:16:18,538 because you have all the credibility of someone 380 00:16:18,562 --> 00:16:20,897 who hacked the medical records of a sick child. 381 00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:22,816 - No... - Hey, "I am groot," 382 00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:26,153 stop swapping spit here with pretty woman and get me Brock and hunter. 383 00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:28,047 Absolutely. Sorry, I was just on my way to go do that. 384 00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:30,240 It's an important meeting, okay? It's seminal. 385 00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:31,825 (Laughs) Oh, hey. 386 00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,326 You already did this greatjoke. 387 00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:35,970 Damn, man, this guy's balls are so big, they're practically tits. 388 00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:37,956 Huh? Johnny tit-balls. 389 00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,916 Yeah, don't squeeze the milkers too much. 390 00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:41,251 (Laughs) 391 00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:44,754 Milkers. Love it. 392 00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:48,300 You were firing me? 393 00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:49,718 What the hell was that? 394 00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:53,054 Nothing. It's just jock stuff. You know, just guys having fun. 395 00:16:53,138 --> 00:16:56,933 That isn't, Jonah. That's sexual harassment. Jesus, does he do that to you all the time? 396 00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:59,769 No, not all the time. 397 00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:03,273 Sometimes, but not all the time. It's just high spirits. 398 00:17:03,398 --> 00:17:05,525 Mr. Ryan, so, they were out of tuna melts, 399 00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:08,778 so I improvised and I got you this lobster curry roll. 400 00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:11,740 All right, look, zip it, jeeves. I'm in the middle of firing your boss. 401 00:17:11,823 --> 00:17:13,783 Wow, over the campaign data thing? 402 00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:16,328 - The what? - The I care mailer. 403 00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:18,371 All right, no? 404 00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,099 I'm picking up from your facial cues that you don't know. 405 00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:23,585 Here's four verbal cues for you. "Tell me now, asshole." 406 00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:27,797 Well, that mailer was deliberately directed at recently bereaved parents. 407 00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:29,591 Bereaved parents? 408 00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:32,195 Yeah, someone from the campaign used the child mortality data 409 00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:34,322 from the same data breach that identified the HIV girl. 410 00:17:34,346 --> 00:17:36,181 Okay, yogi and boo boo, 411 00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:38,725 you say nothing to anyone. You understand me? 412 00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:40,393 - Yes. - Well, obviously you don't, 413 00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:42,229 - 'cause you just fucking spoke. - Oh. 414 00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:45,732 Dan: Shit! Amy, the gates of hell have opened and you are my plus-one. 415 00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:48,235 You cannot be associated with bullying 416 00:17:48,652 --> 00:17:51,821 because people are going to think that you were bullied by me. 417 00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:54,741 I wasn't bullied by you, I was bullied because of you. 418 00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:55,992 Did you want me to leave? 419 00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:57,160 - No, no. - Catherine: Yes. 420 00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:58,662 No, you weren't, sweetheart. 421 00:17:58,995 --> 00:18:01,081 Yes, I was, and it was miserable. 422 00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:04,417 Well, I apologize for my success, Catherine. 423 00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:07,420 I had no idea until this very moment 424 00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:11,591 that you had a tortured, unhappy, miserable upbringing. 425 00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:13,986 You're gonna have to drop the bullying thing, though, honey. 426 00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:15,845 No, I'm not gonna drop it. 427 00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:21,309 Do you want to go to Hawaii at Thanksgiving? 428 00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:24,896 Are you interested in memaw's sapphire earrings? 429 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,984 Are you bullying me into dropping an anti-bullying charity? 430 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:30,568 Gary, am I? 431 00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:34,698 - (Chuckles) You're parenting. - Yeah, well, too, I might add. 432 00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:36,842 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys. - Amy: We'll explain later. 433 00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,226 No, we won't. We'll never explain. 434 00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:40,620 Ma'am, Catherine needs to leave. 435 00:18:40,704 --> 00:18:42,289 Okay, Catherine, up, out. 436 00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:44,499 - For fuck's sake. - All right. 437 00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:47,252 That's enough with the f words. Thank you very much. 438 00:18:47,711 --> 00:18:50,338 I apologize for her... what is it? 439 00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:52,299 I can't tell you. 440 00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:54,910 Well, great meeting, then, thanks. 441 00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:58,930 Ma'am, if we tell you, you'll know, and if you know, you'll be implicated. 442 00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:03,101 Well, then, uh, why don't you tell me 443 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:07,188 and I'll decide whether or not I know it? 444 00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:12,819 Ma'am, a direct mail campaign went out last month with pictures of you 445 00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:14,213 - with babies and children. - Yeah. 446 00:19:14,237 --> 00:19:15,530 Yeah, it was a huge success. 447 00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:19,409 Ma'am, it targeted recently bereaved parents using stolen government data. 448 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:20,952 Mmm. 449 00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:24,372 Well... 450 00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:27,834 That's a federal crime. 451 00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,252 - Yes. - Yes, it is. 452 00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:30,670 You could go to jail. 453 00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:33,006 Yes, ma'am, we could go to jail. 454 00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:35,759 Yeah, you could go to jail. 455 00:19:37,552 --> 00:19:39,346 (Sighs) Wow. 456 00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:43,099 (Selina sighs) 457 00:19:44,142 --> 00:19:46,978 We're fucked? Is that what this is? 458 00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:49,856 Like "I'm afraid it's spread to the liver" fucked? 459 00:19:49,939 --> 00:19:53,318 Ma'am, we think it was a student volunteer with a pal at hhs, but he's gone now. 460 00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:56,488 If we can just hold our nerve and maintain a bunker mentality... 461 00:19:56,571 --> 00:19:58,615 Don't give me that bunker shit. 462 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,384 Hitler went into a bunker, and when he came out, 463 00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:02,535 he wasn't chancellor anymore, was he? 464 00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:04,287 Plus he was dead. 465 00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,849 I'll tell you something, if he were alive right now, 466 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:10,210 he'd be very anxious to distance himself from me at this moment. 467 00:20:10,293 --> 00:20:12,045 We need to keep this within these four... 468 00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:14,047 Or this one curved wall. 469 00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:17,425 We need to stop the press dead so they don't dig into this any further. 470 00:20:17,509 --> 00:20:19,552 And that means a major resignation. 471 00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:23,056 A face. Although, if you operate last in, first out, I'm screwed. 472 00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:27,769 Uh, ma'am, I have a proposal I need to speak with you about. 473 00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:31,856 Okay, fine. Amy, Ben, you stay. Everybody else, just get out. 474 00:20:33,817 --> 00:20:35,026 (Sighs) 475 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:36,653 I need to be the one to go. 476 00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,696 You? No, no. Uh-uh. 477 00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:39,906 Yes, madam president. 478 00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:43,993 This is a head-on collision, and I'm your biggest air bag. 479 00:20:44,202 --> 00:20:47,163 Okay, so we need to issue a positive statement about the HIV girl. 480 00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:48,998 Not positive. Wrong word. 481 00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:52,752 Mike, did I see you smiling when it was suggested I might be fired? 482 00:20:52,836 --> 00:20:55,171 Me? No. I wasn't smiling. 483 00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:58,133 I was stretching my lips because I have very dry lips, 484 00:20:58,216 --> 00:21:00,194 and my doctor said, "you should probably stretch them." 485 00:21:00,218 --> 00:21:02,429 - So I was following medical advice. Like... - Uh-huh. 486 00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:06,015 - Like that. - That's what you're going with? Wow. 487 00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:10,228 Listen, you ever play poker? I want in, 'cause you are one terrible liar. 488 00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:12,814 And that's sad 'cause that's your whole job. 489 00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:22,866 Why are you using the urinal next to me? You leave a gap. 490 00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:24,681 - I've already started. - (Urinating) 491 00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:28,204 - The little one gives me splash-back. - Still, you leave a gap. 492 00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:30,039 We're not piss buddies. 493 00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:35,795 Damn, that's some kind of prostate control. Treasure it, my friend. 494 00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:40,467 So, you want to know if the president told me who she's firing, right? 495 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,344 - Yeah. - It's me. 496 00:21:44,471 --> 00:21:46,681 You don't tell anyone until she's made an announcement. 497 00:21:46,764 --> 00:21:48,850 - You got it? - Yeah, not a word. 498 00:21:49,267 --> 00:21:52,020 You swear by everything you hold dear in your hand right now? 499 00:21:52,312 --> 00:21:54,022 I do. 500 00:21:54,105 --> 00:21:55,815 Dan: I swear on king Danny. 501 00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:58,651 This is an easter egg roll and I just see baskets with no eggs. 502 00:21:58,735 --> 00:22:01,029 Gary, front row for the story reading 503 00:22:01,112 --> 00:22:03,048 needs to be the children with the strongest bladders. 504 00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:05,176 I don't even know what that means. What are you talking about? 505 00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,160 - Oh, thank god. - Why am I carrying eggs, huh? 506 00:22:07,243 --> 00:22:09,597 - I'm up to my eyeballs in HIV. - No, no, don't give them to me. 507 00:22:09,621 --> 00:22:12,382 There's a six-foot bunny out there with 30 spoons. You can't miss him. 508 00:22:12,415 --> 00:22:14,250 (Children chattering) 509 00:22:18,129 --> 00:22:20,089 - It's Ben. - No way. 510 00:22:21,341 --> 00:22:23,051 No, who's getting fired, Mike. 511 00:22:23,218 --> 00:22:24,260 - What? - Yeah. 512 00:22:24,761 --> 00:22:27,347 Girl: I found another one. Man: How many do you have? 513 00:22:27,430 --> 00:22:29,182 Well, thank you for your service, Greg. 514 00:22:29,390 --> 00:22:31,768 Very happy to have one of my marines in costume. 515 00:22:31,893 --> 00:22:33,871 - You're welcome, ma'am. - Actually, I'm really glad you're here. 516 00:22:33,895 --> 00:22:35,355 These kids terrify me. 517 00:22:35,438 --> 00:22:36,731 (Both laugh) 518 00:22:36,981 --> 00:22:41,110 But I guess you've seen worse. You did two tours of Afghanistan? 519 00:22:41,236 --> 00:22:42,236 - Yes, ma'am. - Uh-huh. 520 00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:43,756 Greg: I saw my best buddy die over there. 521 00:22:43,780 --> 00:22:46,074 Blown to pieces by an ied. 522 00:22:49,077 --> 00:22:50,995 Mr. Egan. You have a moment? 523 00:22:51,621 --> 00:22:53,181 - Ben: Yeah, I'll call you back. - Sure. 524 00:22:54,123 --> 00:22:56,376 - Hey, Dan. - I thought you resigned. 525 00:22:56,459 --> 00:22:58,503 Uh, I guess the president changed her mind. 526 00:22:58,586 --> 00:23:01,756 It's a fickle world, my friend, and you've just been fickled. 527 00:23:03,758 --> 00:23:07,428 No. No, this is not... this is not real. 528 00:23:07,679 --> 00:23:08,972 You're right, Dan. It's a dream. 529 00:23:09,138 --> 00:23:13,601 And me and Kent are about to turn into two horny cheerleaders and start making out. 530 00:23:13,685 --> 00:23:16,020 So, am I fired? Please, Ben, don't say that I'm fired. 531 00:23:16,312 --> 00:23:17,915 - You're not fired. - Oh, thank fuck for that. 532 00:23:17,939 --> 00:23:20,024 - Because you've just resigned. - It's a perfect fit. 533 00:23:20,108 --> 00:23:21,693 Worked on the families first bill 534 00:23:21,776 --> 00:23:24,487 and handsome, therefore, guilty-looking. 535 00:23:24,779 --> 00:23:26,739 No, no. No. 536 00:23:27,156 --> 00:23:29,742 I know about the targeting of bereaved families 537 00:23:29,826 --> 00:23:31,160 and the use of federal data. 538 00:23:31,578 --> 00:23:33,746 You listen to me, you little fucking turd's assistant. 539 00:23:33,830 --> 00:23:38,418 You don't threaten this administration, because we will fucking destroy you. 540 00:23:38,501 --> 00:23:41,796 We'll skin you like a squirrel, clean you out like a dirty fucking chimney, 541 00:23:41,879 --> 00:23:44,424 and wear you like a glove puppet with my fingers 542 00:23:44,507 --> 00:23:47,552 sticking out of your dead fucking eyeballs. 543 00:23:49,554 --> 00:23:52,932 I cannot endorse that message, but I do acknowledge it. 544 00:23:53,474 --> 00:23:54,517 Come inside. 545 00:23:55,476 --> 00:23:57,020 Hi, boys and girls. 546 00:23:57,854 --> 00:23:59,939 Now, once upon a time, 547 00:24:00,690 --> 00:24:03,401 there were three little pigs 548 00:24:03,651 --> 00:24:06,362 with their mom, who was an old sow. 549 00:24:06,696 --> 00:24:10,533 And she sent them out to seek their fortune. 550 00:24:11,367 --> 00:24:13,202 Yeah, you know what? I, uh... 551 00:24:13,661 --> 00:24:17,248 I think I'm gonna need a bigger title before I agree to resign. 552 00:24:18,374 --> 00:24:20,793 How about captain loser? 553 00:24:20,877 --> 00:24:23,546 Or big chief skidmark? 554 00:24:23,630 --> 00:24:25,965 And the president will be making another apology 555 00:24:26,049 --> 00:24:28,259 personally to the family of Jennifer Graham. 556 00:24:28,343 --> 00:24:31,971 She is a young girl who did not ask to become a national debating point. 557 00:24:32,263 --> 00:24:35,099 I must be their front-runner. I already did the job for three years. 558 00:24:35,266 --> 00:24:37,185 - Amy. - I got to go. 559 00:24:38,227 --> 00:24:39,896 Ben's not going. It's Dan. 560 00:24:40,229 --> 00:24:42,106 Mike's about to saw off the healthy leg. 561 00:24:42,190 --> 00:24:43,316 Oh, fuck! 562 00:24:44,484 --> 00:24:46,694 You can be sure that the president is taking steps 563 00:24:46,944 --> 00:24:49,739 to ensure that appropriate action will be taken. 564 00:24:49,822 --> 00:24:53,576 (In low voice) "Little pig, little pig, let me in. 565 00:24:53,743 --> 00:24:54,994 (High-pitched voice) "No, no. 566 00:24:55,536 --> 00:24:59,415 "Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin." 567 00:24:59,499 --> 00:25:01,876 All right, how about deputy assistant to the president? 568 00:25:02,043 --> 00:25:04,003 (Chuckles) That's funny. 569 00:25:04,087 --> 00:25:06,381 Ben, Mike's about to announce we're firing you. 570 00:25:07,507 --> 00:25:08,716 Now, that's funny. 571 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:11,969 So, he huffed and he puffed and he blew his house in. 572 00:25:12,053 --> 00:25:15,181 Now it's the president's turn to tell the story, please. 573 00:25:15,264 --> 00:25:17,809 - Boy: You're the president? - Yeah, I'm the president. 574 00:25:18,393 --> 00:25:19,602 Wow. 575 00:25:20,395 --> 00:25:25,274 The Graham family have requested privacy and that we allow them to live a normal life. 576 00:25:26,109 --> 00:25:29,487 Oh, here's the new statement. Get that to Mike. I can't run in these heels. 577 00:25:30,822 --> 00:25:32,990 Christian, get that to Mike now! 578 00:25:34,158 --> 00:25:37,412 The person with ultimate responsibility is... 579 00:25:39,414 --> 00:25:43,042 Is Dan egan, chief counsel to the president? 580 00:25:43,126 --> 00:25:46,129 Come over here, young man. It looks like you don't feel very good. 581 00:25:46,295 --> 00:25:48,840 - Is that your son? - He's gifted. 582 00:25:48,923 --> 00:25:50,800 Selina: There we go. Uh-oh. 583 00:25:53,761 --> 00:25:55,430 - He did have a big breakfast. - Okay. 584 00:25:55,763 --> 00:25:58,433 Do you like the story that I'm reading? 585 00:25:58,516 --> 00:25:59,726 You do? 586 00:26:00,518 --> 00:26:02,562 Child: Ew, you got snot... 587 00:26:03,062 --> 00:26:04,063 (Knocks) 588 00:26:04,147 --> 00:26:07,692 - Hey, man. - Yeah, well, you know, enjoy it. 589 00:26:07,775 --> 00:26:09,615 I'm not here to gloat. I've been through this. 590 00:26:10,069 --> 00:26:12,214 Just tell me which way the vultures are circling, okay? 591 00:26:12,238 --> 00:26:14,049 There's a big media presence by the northwest gate. 592 00:26:14,073 --> 00:26:15,074 You want me to grab one? 593 00:26:15,450 --> 00:26:18,786 I'm going out a different door. Taken enough fucking heat for one day. 594 00:26:18,870 --> 00:26:21,789 That, uh, photo of you with the kids will play great. 595 00:26:21,873 --> 00:26:23,916 - Oh, it was so good. - Yeah. 596 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:27,336 It was like earth mother meets foster parent with a hint of girl next door. 597 00:26:27,420 --> 00:26:29,172 - I need a scotch. - Yes. 598 00:26:32,383 --> 00:26:35,011 There you go. Stay strong, buddy. 599 00:26:35,094 --> 00:26:36,804 - Thanks. - Hey, let me get this for you. 600 00:26:37,889 --> 00:26:41,017 - (Indistinct shouting) - Oh, god, I meant southeast gate. 601 00:26:42,185 --> 00:26:43,912 Reporter: Mr. Egan, do you feel ashamed of your actions? 602 00:26:43,936 --> 00:26:44,937 Excuse me. 603 00:26:46,355 --> 00:26:47,607 (Chuckles) 604 00:26:48,483 --> 00:26:53,988 I thought... when we discussed, I thought that it was Ben who would be going. 605 00:26:54,363 --> 00:26:57,742 Oh, right. Yeah, actually... Bill suggested Dan. 606 00:26:57,825 --> 00:27:00,161 He thought it would be a good idea 607 00:27:00,244 --> 00:27:03,623 to keep Ben to take the heat in case the other data shit hits the fan. 608 00:27:03,706 --> 00:27:05,374 - Good thought, right? - Yeah. 609 00:27:05,458 --> 00:27:08,294 - Just doing my job. - Me, too. 610 00:27:08,753 --> 00:27:10,296 Stevie, it's Dan egan. 611 00:27:10,379 --> 00:27:14,634 80, um, it looks like I am a free agent again. 612 00:27:15,176 --> 00:27:16,469 Yeah, so give me a call. 613 00:27:16,552 --> 00:27:19,055 It's the same number as the last two messages. 614 00:27:19,388 --> 00:27:21,390 Hey, Jen, it's, uh... it's Dan. 615 00:27:21,724 --> 00:27:26,813 Either your phone is dead or I am. So, obviously, I hope it's the first one. 616 00:27:27,563 --> 00:27:28,815 Josh stansfield. 617 00:27:28,898 --> 00:27:30,024 (Chuckles) 618 00:27:30,107 --> 00:27:31,901 How are you? It's Dan egan. 619 00:27:32,193 --> 00:27:34,904 So, look, I... and you've gone. 620 00:27:35,822 --> 00:27:37,698 - (Groans) - (Horn honks)