1 00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,146 Am I all packed, Gary? 2 00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:21,397 Yeah, we're all covered. 3 00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:24,400 The thing about Ohio is the weather is completely schizophrenic. 4 00:00:24,483 --> 00:00:25,693 - I know. - We dress you wrong, 5 00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:28,904 you're either freezing like a Popsicle or you're sweating like a hog. 6 00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:31,489 - Or a ballerina, or modern dancer. - Okay, it's fine. 7 00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:34,010 Is there an indoor pool at this place? I packed my swimsuit. 8 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,243 Why are you asking me that? 9 00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:37,954 And have we heard from the president on the economic forum? 10 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,916 - Yeah. Last I heard, he was three over par. - Huh? 11 00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:42,834 Oh, forum's not happening. 12 00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:45,546 - Potus took a golf day. - Do you know who he's playing golf with? 13 00:00:45,630 --> 00:00:47,798 - No, who? - No, no, no, who? 14 00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,401 Oh, you don't know and you want me to find out. 15 00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:52,594 - Yeah, yeah. - Okay. Sorry. 16 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:55,388 - Dan. Dan egan. - Hey. 17 00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:56,490 Good to see you again, buddy. 18 00:00:56,514 --> 00:00:58,476 I miss your emails. Long time no cc. 19 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,077 Still up here in Cleveland, huh, will? 20 00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:02,479 Just rutting around with the regional swine? 21 00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:03,898 Slaving away for furlong? 22 00:01:03,981 --> 00:01:06,609 Well, I am the senior advisor now. So I get free Wi-Fi. 23 00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:08,610 I'll be going to DC. A lot more. 24 00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:12,405 Oh, my god. With that provincial sensibility and that girlish figure, you're not gonna last. 25 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:15,575 Listen, Dan, the congressman expects your boss to endorse him for governor. 26 00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:16,869 Yeah, we're aware of that. 27 00:01:16,953 --> 00:01:18,579 It's gotten a bit complex, all right? 28 00:01:18,663 --> 00:01:20,806 So the congressman would like to speak with you in his room. 29 00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:22,958 If you'd justjoin me, okay? 30 00:01:25,836 --> 00:01:29,465 I recognize you. You're one of selina's little gay dwarves, aren't you? 31 00:01:30,216 --> 00:01:32,218 Are you sappy? Is that it? Preppy? 32 00:01:32,301 --> 00:01:33,487 Actually, my name is Dan egan. 33 00:01:33,511 --> 00:01:36,429 You might remember, actually, I used to work for congresswoman Hayes. 34 00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,515 Oh, my gosh, of course I don't remember that. 35 00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:41,359 Listen, I need your help, buddy. I need you to go back and tell selina 36 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,538 that I don't want her to endorse me for governor, okay? 37 00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:46,357 She's about as welcome here as a turd in a hot tub. 38 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:49,609 Well, that could be a bit of an issue. 39 00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:52,446 We're trying to run a fundraiser and she's kind of 40 00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:54,156 toxic at the box office, all right? 41 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:57,243 We're having to bump our silver plates up to gold plates, 42 00:01:57,368 --> 00:01:59,537 gold plates are going up to platinum plates. 43 00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,380 I'd make more money if I installed will here 44 00:02:01,414 --> 00:02:04,583 as a full-time glory hole greeter at a Georgetown gay bar. 45 00:02:04,709 --> 00:02:06,519 Which I'm pretty sure he already does part-time. 46 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:07,543 - Right, will? - Yes, sir. 47 00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:09,147 Congressman, she's on her way here right now. 48 00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:11,256 So what? There's plenty to do here in Cleveland. 49 00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:13,026 Send her to the rock and roll hall of fame. 50 00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,635 First time I took this kid, 51 00:02:14,719 --> 00:02:17,972 one look at Kurt cobain's shoes, he was bawling like a fucking baby. 52 00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:20,391 "It's too soon! It's too soon!" 53 00:02:20,683 --> 00:02:24,854 Ma'am, Martin Collins, the secret service guy we reassigned... 54 00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:27,397 - Mmm-hmm. - He's back. He's been UN-reassigned. 55 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,316 - Are you kidding me? - Not great, admittedly. 56 00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:32,777 "Not great, admittedly"? Yeah, that should be the title of my fucking memoir. 57 00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:36,031 He's not outside here, is he? Oh, hi! 58 00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:38,200 Oh, my! Okay, great. 59 00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:42,579 All right, that's all I want to say to him for the rest of my life. 60 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,832 - Hey, approval ratings just came through. - Oh. 61 00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:47,001 66%. 62 00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:48,419 - What? - Approve. 63 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,712 Oh, sorry, disapprove. 64 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:56,302 You know what? You go ride with the security detail. 65 00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:57,928 There's no room for you in this car. 66 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:01,514 She can thank the troops, she can charm all the mouth-breathers, 67 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:04,310 and then she can go back to DC. No big deal. 68 00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:06,394 The one thing she will not be doing 69 00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:08,897 is standing up and endorsing me. You got me? 70 00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:12,025 I get the stamp of approval from her, 71 00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:14,253 and I might as well nail a bunch of puppies to the ground 72 00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:17,364 and then start running them over and crush their skulls with my campaign bus. 73 00:03:17,615 --> 00:03:19,742 All due respect, we did have 74 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:24,205 an informal understanding that she would endorse your run for governor. 75 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:27,767 All right, well, all due respect, cock nugget, there's been a little too much of this 76 00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:30,127 informal understanding going on around here. 77 00:03:30,211 --> 00:03:32,212 - Isn't that right, will? - Yes, sir. 78 00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:36,550 Clean jobs was your office, right? 79 00:03:36,634 --> 00:03:38,677 And its role in the macauley amendment. 80 00:03:38,761 --> 00:03:41,931 Getting senator macauley to sneak in the vp's lame-ass legislation 81 00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:43,807 against the president's will. 82 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:46,893 Macauley thing, yeah, that didn't happen. 83 00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:48,437 Will, tell him who I am. 84 00:03:48,521 --> 00:03:50,873 Sir, you're the vice chair of the congressional oversight committee. 85 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:53,316 And in that capacity, I have a duty to shine alight 86 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:57,154 on any of this kind of backseat, finger-fucking insider bullshit, Dan. 87 00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:58,423 Thank you for your time, congressman. 88 00:03:58,447 --> 00:04:01,699 I will do what I can. 89 00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:03,828 Don't endorse. 90 00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:08,249 - She seems nice. - Yeah. 91 00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:12,878 Selina: 'Cause of that smiling secret service guy, Amy, 92 00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:14,422 66% disapprove. 93 00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:17,425 That's everyone in america who's awake right now. 94 00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:19,348 Amy: Okay, let's not concentrate on that today. 95 00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:21,053 Let's concentrate on Ohio. 96 00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:26,308 Selina: How could that many Americans not like me? 97 00:04:26,392 --> 00:04:29,310 I think they got it wrong. They counted those numbers wrong or something. 98 00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:32,063 Or all those Americans are completely wrong. 99 00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:34,900 Okay, this is the hotel manager. We promised him four seconds. 100 00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:37,485 - Hi. - Madam vice president. Welcome to our hotel. 101 00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:40,238 We have to take the vice president away. Apologies. 102 00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:43,283 Why have I been given this pig's blood? 103 00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:46,046 It's tomato juice. It's the Ohio state beverage. 104 00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:48,246 Mike: Oh, piss. Ma'am. Selina: Yeah? 105 00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:50,540 They're having trouble moving big donor tickets. 106 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,125 - What? - Yeah. 107 00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:53,918 - Why? Because of me? - No. 108 00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:57,131 Amy, you're gonna have to start getting everyone to like me. 109 00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:58,715 Ma'am. Hi. Good news. 110 00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:02,261 We are not exactly selling that many platinum level tickets. 111 00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:03,720 I just gave her that news. 112 00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:06,222 Yeah, but it was so much more depressing coming out of you. 113 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,766 Not to worry. I have a strategy. 114 00:05:09,058 --> 00:05:11,937 Okay, look, we smile the smiles, we shake the hands, 115 00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:15,816 but we do not endorse. We give the press nothing to report. 116 00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:17,651 No, that makes me look even weaker. 117 00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:19,903 All right, ma'am, I... 118 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,382 I really think this is something to consider. 119 00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:23,491 Jonah. 120 00:05:23,574 --> 00:05:25,366 Greetings from the clubhouse of power, Amy. 121 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,535 You need to know that the white house understands 122 00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:30,206 just how toxic the veep is after these latest numbers. 123 00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:31,957 It's a tough time, we're aware. 124 00:05:32,041 --> 00:05:33,751 Do you want to know how toxic she is, Amy? 125 00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:38,004 Imagine something small has crawled up a dead cow's ass. 126 00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:40,924 And then that small thing actually dies itself. 127 00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:44,302 If that dead thing then farted out a sack of eggs, 128 00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,763 but each individual egg 129 00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:49,432 is a smaller, rotting dead thing. 130 00:05:49,934 --> 00:05:51,560 That's how toxic she is. 131 00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,395 Okay, thanks for the input. 132 00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:55,559 And I know you're under a lot of pressure over there, 133 00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:57,315 so if you ever need a shoulder to cry on 134 00:05:57,398 --> 00:05:59,443 or a bootie to call on, you have my number, okay. 135 00:06:01,153 --> 00:06:03,948 Did you find out who the president's playing golf with? 136 00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:08,201 Golf. You know, men walking around with sticks 137 00:06:08,284 --> 00:06:10,286 - talking about their careers. - Oh. Mmm. 138 00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:12,264 I was gonna follow up on that, ma'am. I didn't forget. 139 00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:13,831 I did not forget. 140 00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:16,627 Ma'am, it's congressman furlong. 141 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,390 - Well, you can tell him to go fuck him... - He's right here, ma'am. 142 00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:21,757 - Madam vice president. - Oh, Roger. 143 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:22,943 Thank you so much for seeing me. 144 00:06:22,967 --> 00:06:25,553 Well, thank you for dropping by. 145 00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:27,436 Excuse me while I get myself pulled together. 146 00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,389 Of course. I like this room. This is great. 147 00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:31,266 Yeah, it's the presidential suite. 148 00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:33,350 Vice presidential, anyway. 149 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:37,565 Listen, I've seen the disapproval numbers. 150 00:06:37,648 --> 00:06:40,651 So I appreciate the delicate situation here. 151 00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:43,361 Just part of the job. 152 00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:45,072 No, it's not. This is will. 153 00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,675 Will, what were they saying about the disapproval? 154 00:06:46,699 --> 00:06:49,826 Apologies, ma'am. "Effed in the b-hole" across all networks. 155 00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:52,579 Ma'am, that is a lingering image to try to overcome, I'll tell you. 156 00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,081 What's this about, congressman? 157 00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:57,125 Well, I was hoping maybe, ma'am, we could have a moment. 158 00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:59,795 - Yes. Have a seat. - Thank you. 159 00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:04,007 Ma'am, I don't want you to endorse my run for governor at this time. 160 00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:09,971 Um, well, Roger, 161 00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:13,558 - that is difficult... - Mmm-hmm. 162 00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:17,020 - For me because I'm here. - Mmm-hmm. 163 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,397 Yeah, that's great. Can I get some water? 164 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:21,316 It's being put to me that... 165 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:23,651 - Gary, could I get some water? - Gary: Yeah. 166 00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:26,905 It's being put to me that, and I apologize, 167 00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:30,367 but politically speaking, you are damaged goods. 168 00:07:30,451 --> 00:07:32,118 I'm hearing that your credibility is... 169 00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:33,841 - Where is it located, will? - The toilet. 170 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:37,957 Again, not my words. So... 171 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,459 The toilet? 172 00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:41,794 - I don't want this. - Okay. 173 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,421 More accurately, the crapper. 174 00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:44,713 Who are you? 175 00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:46,967 - Who is this fucking infant? - No one. 176 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:51,262 Let me be very clear with you about something, okay, Roger? 177 00:07:52,765 --> 00:07:54,265 I don't even like you. 178 00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:55,851 - Right. - Right? 179 00:07:56,185 --> 00:08:00,314 And now I've, you know, been told to come here and endorse you. 180 00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:04,068 So do you understand how embarrassing this would be for me now not to endorse you? 181 00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:05,486 Yes, of course. I get it, yeah. 182 00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:09,155 And listen, in the spirit of reciprocity, ma'am, 183 00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:11,659 I don't really care for you much either personally. 184 00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:13,534 You can't stop me from endorsing you. 185 00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:16,663 Then I will reject the endorsement publically. 186 00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,624 Madam vice president, do you need five minutes? 187 00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:20,125 No, I don't need five minutes. 188 00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:23,754 I'm absolutely fucking fine. Thank you very much. 189 00:08:25,631 --> 00:08:27,840 You know, Roger, do you sometimes think about, 190 00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:31,594 I don't know, I give you this and you give me that 191 00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:34,556 and black is up, but brown is down now? 192 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,391 - Do you know what I mean? - Mmm-hmm. 193 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:41,354 I mean, in life or even just with love, 194 00:08:41,437 --> 00:08:44,857 you know, I mean, at the end of the day, 195 00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:48,444 aren't we just all finally just people? 196 00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:51,072 - True words, ma'am. - Yeah. 197 00:08:52,281 --> 00:08:53,783 I mean, you know, I haven't... 198 00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:58,329 I haven't seen my daughter in, like, three months. 199 00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:00,790 And Ted is just... ah! 200 00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:03,000 I don't know where he went, you know? 201 00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:05,795 And I would... 202 00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:08,549 I would love to go to that party, you know? 203 00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:11,342 I would like to be everywhere. 204 00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:17,015 Look, madam vice president, I'm sorry. 205 00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:19,684 This doesn't give me any pleasure. 206 00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:21,452 Don't you say it gives you no pleasure. 207 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,688 When anybody ever says that, 208 00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:25,053 all they mean is that it does give them so much pleasure. 209 00:09:25,149 --> 00:09:26,509 - Look... - I know what that means. 210 00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:29,026 Maybe you should make an address, okay? 211 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:31,946 Talk about politics and america working together. 212 00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:34,490 I know how to give a motherfucking speech. 213 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,828 Don't you patronize me with your no jaw. 214 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,829 You congressman no jaw! 215 00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:42,082 Okay, ma'am. We should... we have to go. 216 00:09:42,166 --> 00:09:43,916 - Get the fuck out. - Okay. Okay. 217 00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:51,632 He was just not a nice man. 218 00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:53,177 I'll get you some tea, okay? 219 00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:56,227 I'll get you some tea. I'll just leave Mike. He can stay here with you. 220 00:10:03,187 --> 00:10:05,354 - I'm sorry about your tears. - Yeah. 221 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,773 They suck. 222 00:10:07,191 --> 00:10:08,984 You know, my papaw used to say, 223 00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:11,862 "it's always darkest before the storm." So... 224 00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:16,116 Oh, the dawn, the dawn. 225 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,760 "It's always darkest before the dawn." And then he would kiss me. 226 00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,789 All right, this might sound crazy, but go with it. 227 00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:25,708 Her crying was very authentic 228 00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,211 and humanizing. 229 00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:30,380 Okay. 230 00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:32,549 I like yourthinking. 231 00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:34,384 I actually found it slightly erotic, too. 232 00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:35,719 I take it back. 233 00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:37,971 That's why it took me so long to split up with Angie. 234 00:10:38,055 --> 00:10:39,848 She'd always cry, I'd always get a hard-on. 235 00:10:39,932 --> 00:10:41,767 - Now you've lost me. - Listen. 236 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,852 We should spitball on this, though. 237 00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:48,190 The crying game play, all right? 238 00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:51,610 All we've got to do is set her up and let the cameras roll. 239 00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,821 Then we've just got to tweak the tear nipple. 240 00:10:53,904 --> 00:10:55,280 How do we make it happen? 241 00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:58,491 Could spray her with pepper spray. 242 00:10:58,574 --> 00:11:00,743 Call her fat. Kidding. 243 00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:04,248 What is it that made her cry? 244 00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:08,669 It's Catherine, right? The absent mother blubber. 245 00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:09,836 - Genius. - Yeah. 246 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,839 Chinese daughter torture. It's a good one. 247 00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:13,590 I can't believe we're doing this. 248 00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:16,718 On the other hand, we are currently polling lower than a side of beef 249 00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:18,345 with eyes drawn on it, so... 250 00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,031 - Okay, ma'am. Light and frothy. - Yeah. 251 00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:22,325 - Cappuccino politics, okay? - Right. 252 00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:23,742 - Big three industries in Ohio. - Yeah. 253 00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:26,811 - Rubber, petrochemical, agriculture. - Right. Okay. 254 00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:29,606 - Hit rubber. It's a big rubber state. - Okay. Good. Yeah. 255 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,443 What is that, a fax? Is that a message to yourself from 1988? 256 00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:37,238 Look who's playing golf with the president. 257 00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:39,115 Danny chung. 258 00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:40,534 - Chung. - Shut up. 259 00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:42,160 - What is that? - Don't worry about it. 260 00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:45,289 Felicia, one second. Feel free to dive right in on the daughter, okay? 261 00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,308 'Cause we want to hit these disapproval ratings head-on. 262 00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:50,252 See, when he says things like that to me, it makes me anxious. 263 00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:53,463 We just found out that governor chung is golfing with potus. 264 00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:54,983 So, if you want to talk about that... 265 00:11:55,007 --> 00:11:56,550 - All right. - Thank you so much. 266 00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:59,844 It is just great to be back in the state of Ohio. 267 00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:01,531 Been a rough couple of months for you, though. 268 00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,639 Your filibuster reform stalled. 269 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,560 Clean jobs initiative, dead in the water. 270 00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,912 You talk a lot about really wanting to be able to make change. 271 00:12:08,936 --> 00:12:10,789 Do you still think you're gonna be able to make that happen? 272 00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:13,232 Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I'm very proud 273 00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:15,902 of what we've been able to achieve thus far. 274 00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:17,529 So you feel you're back in the game? 275 00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:20,740 Well, it's not a game to me. 276 00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:23,869 Must be very hurtful for you, too, with all the gossip going around. 277 00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:26,538 Is she gonna go? I just understand today 278 00:12:26,622 --> 00:12:29,166 that the president is golfing with governor chung. 279 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,959 Does that bother you? 280 00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:37,423 Well, I mean, the president can play golf with whoever he likes. 281 00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:40,051 But I'm here because I have work to do. 282 00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:42,595 It's 24/7. It's a public duty. 283 00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:46,349 24/7 doesn't leave you much time for your family, your daughter. 284 00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:49,728 Well, I mean, it's a punishing schedule, that's for sure. 285 00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,688 I mean, you get tired 286 00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:54,274 and you get knocked back. 287 00:12:54,358 --> 00:12:55,608 But... 288 00:12:57,276 --> 00:13:02,031 Can you imagine, Felicia, if I'm tired, 289 00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:07,371 imagine how tired the rubber makers are here in Ohio. 290 00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:09,038 She is magnificent. 291 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:12,667 Making rubber day in and day out. 292 00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:17,880 I feel that Ohio is the rubber ball state, 293 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:20,007 if you think about it. 294 00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:22,635 Always bouncing back. 295 00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:28,451 I don't know what the hell she could have been thinking. 296 00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:30,435 When was the last time you cried twice in one day? 297 00:13:30,686 --> 00:13:32,566 It was a little more recently than you'd think. 298 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,148 Furlong: Odd job. 299 00:13:35,232 --> 00:13:37,484 Come here. What the fuck gives with your boss? 300 00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:38,651 I saw the meltdown. 301 00:13:38,734 --> 00:13:40,569 Congressman, I saw passion. 302 00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:43,740 - I saw conviction. - I saw a fucking crazy lady. That's what I saw. 303 00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:46,827 If she mentions my name, if I get the stamp of approval, 304 00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:49,830 the midas touch from Jenny shitfinger, I'm coming for you, pal. 305 00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:52,233 Me and the congress of the United States will get your ass. 306 00:13:52,541 --> 00:13:53,667 Yes, sir. 307 00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:56,003 Ask your buddy macauley about it. Maybe he can help you. 308 00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:58,420 Man: Here comes the vice president. 309 00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:01,174 Hello! Yes. I see you. 310 00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:03,593 Oh, wow, and look at this group. 311 00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,596 Are they gonna live long enough to make it to election day? 312 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,180 Right behind me? Probably not. 313 00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:10,766 Hello, children who do not vote. 314 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:14,020 We're getting great media response to the interview. 315 00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:15,664 - Are you getting this, too? - No, better. 316 00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,624 I've been polling the room. It's warm, it's friendly. 317 00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,488 If this plays in Ohio, it's gonna go national. 318 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:20,985 Come on, Amy. 319 00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:22,570 - Marcus. - What? 320 00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:25,072 I made you a cake with your face on it. 321 00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:27,158 Are you kidding me? Oh! 322 00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:29,327 That looks like me after a long day in the senate. 323 00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:32,163 I think she's only paid 50 bucks. 324 00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:33,748 I have to go. 325 00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:35,834 - Madam vice president. - Yes? 326 00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:37,979 I'd like to introduce you to one of our actual platinum donors. 327 00:14:38,003 --> 00:14:40,797 I have some great ideas about tax reform I want to talk to you about. 328 00:14:40,881 --> 00:14:43,717 - I want to hear them. - Well, there's two types of people. 329 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:44,884 - Uh-huh. - Okay? 330 00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:48,013 You got grabbers. And then you have the other kind. 331 00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:49,322 - I don't have a name for that. - Oh. 332 00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:50,724 - The ones who don't grab. - Oh. 333 00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:53,810 The grabbers, all right, they take the world by the scrotum, okay? 334 00:14:53,894 --> 00:14:54,895 Oh! 335 00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:57,481 - And they make it happen. - This is just riveting stuff. 336 00:14:57,564 --> 00:15:01,068 - I'm so sorry. So sorry. - Yes? 337 00:15:01,151 --> 00:15:03,570 I don't know what to say, so I'm just whispering instead. 338 00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:05,739 Oh, mmm-hmm, I have the... 339 00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,075 - Middle east. - You can talk later. 340 00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:11,327 - We have all night. - I appreciate that. Hello. Uh-huh. 341 00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:14,206 Selina: I just want to eat in a quiet corner away from these bozos. 342 00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:15,290 Amy: Okay. 343 00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:18,167 And that's the essence of a grabber. 344 00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:19,585 - Okay? - Mmm-hmm. 345 00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:22,671 You'd think with all the money I'm jerking up the wall here, 346 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,591 I'd get more than a stuffed chicken breast. 347 00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:28,344 Right, well, you know, I've got to tell you, these caterers, they've got... 348 00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:30,679 I gave 30,000 bucks, I get a chicken breast. 349 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,909 That guy didn't give 500 bucks, he's got a chicken breast. 350 00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:34,725 What do I get, stuffing? 351 00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:37,019 - Selina: Okay. - Throw me a drumstick or something. 352 00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:39,230 - Larry. - Hey. 353 00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:42,024 - It's good to see you. - Why, you need a lawyer? 354 00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,862 All right, look. Listen. 355 00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:49,156 I may have gotten involved in a little something. 356 00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:52,618 What happens if I get called in before a congressional committee? 357 00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,955 Okay, you need three versions of your statement. 358 00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:57,850 Uh-huh, like what I say happened, what they say happened, and the truth? 359 00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:59,042 Right? 360 00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:03,463 A written, an oral, and a shorter oral in case of a time limit. 361 00:16:03,547 --> 00:16:04,548 - Right. - Yeah. 362 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,859 You want to tell a congressional committee the truth, Dan. 363 00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:09,219 Anything out of line, you're looking at a perjury charge. 364 00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:12,347 - Fuck! - Don't call attention to yourself, all right? 365 00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:14,390 Just lay low, keep your head down. 366 00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:18,894 All right, now let's say this does actually happen 367 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:22,148 and I get called in, what's it like up there? 368 00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:25,819 You know those dreams where your football coach is screaming at you, 369 00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:29,182 you look down, you're dressed like Shirley temple and then all your teeth fall out? 370 00:16:29,573 --> 00:16:31,991 That's like a Disney version of a congressional committee. 371 00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:35,244 You're gonna get hometown, downtown questions. 372 00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:37,830 You'll catch partisan shit. There's gonna be grandstanding. 373 00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:41,333 And if they smell blood, if they think that you're going down 374 00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:42,960 and there's gonna be a kill, 375 00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:44,879 you might get what we call "corpse fucking." 376 00:16:46,381 --> 00:16:48,174 Jesus. Corpse fucking? 377 00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:50,235 That's what it's called where they take your mortal remains 378 00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:52,052 and have as much fun with it as they can. 379 00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:55,181 'Cause everybody wants to be the guy getting the TV sound bite, okay? 380 00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:56,575 And they're gonna be talking about you. 381 00:16:56,599 --> 00:16:57,600 - Yeah. - Yeah. 382 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,228 Thank you so much. 383 00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:05,482 Thank you so, so, very, very much. Good evening, everyone. 384 00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:06,985 What are you doing? 385 00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:09,612 Sir, this crying is tracking pretty well. 386 00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:10,780 What? 387 00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,449 - Oh, shit. - Yeah, it's good. 388 00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:15,202 Okay, that changes everything. 389 00:17:15,327 --> 00:17:16,679 She's someone I know you know very well. 390 00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,872 - Hey, come here. - Relax, okay? 391 00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:20,289 I spoke to her. You spoke to her. 392 00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:21,474 She's not gonna fucking endorse. 393 00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:23,126 No, no, no. We want her to endorse now. 394 00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:24,769 Okay? She's gone from toxic to turn-on. 395 00:17:24,793 --> 00:17:27,314 So just, when we give you the nod, give her the signal, all right? 396 00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:29,609 You guys are burning a fucking hole through my stomach, all right? 397 00:17:29,633 --> 00:17:31,319 I just spent all afternoon fixing this for you. 398 00:17:31,343 --> 00:17:32,402 And now you want me to unfix it? 399 00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:33,826 Is this your first day in the game? 400 00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:35,680 I think he's wrapping up, so... 401 00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:36,931 - Okay. - How you feeling? 402 00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:40,976 Well, I'm a political leper, and I'm an emotional time bomb. 403 00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:43,437 So here's an idea, let's put me onstage. 404 00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:45,106 Selina meyer. 405 00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:53,864 Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. 406 00:17:55,492 --> 00:17:56,785 So wonderful. Thank you. 407 00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:59,537 Please be seated. Thank you so much. It is my very... 408 00:17:59,663 --> 00:18:01,766 Come on, what are you waiting for? Give her the signal. 409 00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:03,124 What the fuck is the signal? 410 00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:04,851 There's no international signal to endorse. 411 00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:07,253 Use your fucking head. Give her a thumbs up or something. 412 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,129 Oh, my goodness. Well, this has been 413 00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:12,883 quite the day, hasn't it? 414 00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,345 Woman: We love you! 415 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:17,889 Thank you very much. 416 00:18:18,348 --> 00:18:19,891 She can't cry three times in a day. 417 00:18:19,975 --> 00:18:21,415 That's three strikes and you're out. 418 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:22,685 How big are her tear ducts? 419 00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,144 It's like they're fucking tidal. 420 00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:26,105 Such a happy occasion, and... 421 00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:32,444 Jesus Christ. Fuck it, don't endorse. 422 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:35,739 I'm so glad to be here in the 17th state of the union. 423 00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:40,036 My grandfather, he was from Cincinnati, as a matter of fact. Oh! 424 00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,916 We used to have a saying in our family. 425 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:49,128 We used to say, "we're awfully embarrassed 426 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,421 "by our buckteeth. 427 00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:54,759 "But we were mighty proud of our buckeyes." 428 00:18:58,053 --> 00:19:00,306 Okay, endorse. Endorse. Endorse. 429 00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:02,057 - You're sure? - Endorse. Yes. 430 00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:07,314 I still miss my grandpa. 431 00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:09,356 What is that, popeye? 432 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,317 - No, be strong. - He was the best. 433 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,821 He was such a strong man 434 00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,532 from a great state. 435 00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:20,702 And so that's why I've come here today. 436 00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:24,204 I've come here today 437 00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:29,460 to give my 100% support 438 00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:33,673 to congressman Roger furlong 439 00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:39,971 to be the next, the best, governor of Ohio. 440 00:19:41,472 --> 00:19:43,933 That's right. That's you. Come on up here. 441 00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:49,105 What the hell just happened? 442 00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:51,523 So great to be part of your feel-good moment. 443 00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:53,487 You're a dirty little prick. 444 00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:56,862 Oh, boy. Thank you so much. 445 00:19:56,945 --> 00:19:58,615 - Absolutely. - Oh, boy. 446 00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:00,200 Don't forget your booster seat. 447 00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:02,242 Oh, shove it up your ass. 448 00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:04,286 - Thanks so much. - Okay. 449 00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:09,459 Hey, that photographer who reads lips, he's not here, is he? 450 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,836 - Mmm-mm. - No. That's a blessing. 451 00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,546 Did you see the Chicago tribune? 452 00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:16,692 Oh, this is so great. I've never enjoyed reading this much. 453 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:19,156 You know, my mom said that selina looked human and vulnerable. 454 00:20:19,302 --> 00:20:21,388 - Great. - Not a compliment. 455 00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:23,306 She sees human vulnerability as a weakness. 456 00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:25,558 - I like your mom. - Don't talk about my mother, Dan. 457 00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,811 - Good morning! - Mike: Morning! 458 00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:28,954 Did you see the Chicago tribune? 459 00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:31,481 I've seen it, I've read it, I've eaten it, 460 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:34,734 I've showered in it. I'm back, my babies. 461 00:20:34,818 --> 00:20:37,403 Yeah, you are. Like rubber Jesus. 462 00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:39,863 And, Dan, get over here and shake my hand. 463 00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:42,117 - What a great job you did. - My pleasure. 464 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,618 Seriously, getting me to endorse furlong. 465 00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:46,370 How about that round of applause? 466 00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:48,498 Come on, guys. Give it up for him. 467 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,207 Absolutely great. 468 00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:52,310 You know none of these people genuinely like you. 469 00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:53,585 So fucking what? 470 00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,422 Hey, everyone. Oh, hey! 471 00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:58,048 Hey, it's about time. Thank you. 472 00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:00,259 Hey, Mike. 473 00:21:01,051 --> 00:21:03,804 Potus is so excited about this new narrative. 474 00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:06,140 I engineered selina crying on camera. 475 00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:08,768 I'm the puppet master. I'm Pinocchio. 476 00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:11,372 Pinocchio wasn't the puppet master, Mike. He was the puppet. 477 00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:13,481 - Uh, yeah, he was. - Five-year-olds get that. 478 00:21:13,564 --> 00:21:17,318 Jonah, do you come bearing news from the gentleman's club? 479 00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:19,562 I come bearing a message of support from the president. 480 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,864 - Oh! - As you know, he called. 481 00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:23,616 Sue, did the president call? 482 00:21:25,033 --> 00:21:27,120 - Huh. - Well, it wasn't an actual call. 483 00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:28,997 - I am here in lieu of that call. - Uh-huh. 484 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:30,623 But he and we are very... 485 00:21:30,707 --> 00:21:32,059 So now I have a very big announcement to make. 486 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:34,794 I'd like everyone to follow me into my office, please. 487 00:21:34,878 --> 00:21:40,591 This-a-way. Okay, so I am about to announce a certain realignment. 488 00:21:40,925 --> 00:21:43,260 Oh, Mike. I am sorry for your loss. 489 00:21:43,343 --> 00:21:45,847 Dan, you're getting a promotion. 490 00:21:46,514 --> 00:21:47,891 Wow. Yeah! 491 00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:49,894 - Thank you so much. Thank you. - You're welcome. 492 00:21:50,018 --> 00:21:52,329 I just signed for an auto lease. If I could get six months... 493 00:21:52,353 --> 00:21:55,439 I want you to be in charge of day-to-day rebuttal for me, all right? 494 00:21:55,522 --> 00:21:58,984 You'll be the new director of policy and presentation. 495 00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:01,945 Thank you, ma'am. This is all I've ever wanted. 496 00:22:02,029 --> 00:22:03,406 This is all I've never wanted. 497 00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:05,199 Is he... is Dan my boss now? 498 00:22:05,282 --> 00:22:07,744 Can I just say that this is really exciting to watch? 499 00:22:07,869 --> 00:22:09,996 I guess I've got some business to attend to. 500 00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:12,831 - What business? - That's a need-to-know basis, Mike. 501 00:22:12,915 --> 00:22:14,184 And you don't have the clearance. 502 00:22:14,208 --> 00:22:15,501 Funny. Is that true? 503 00:22:16,793 --> 00:22:20,422 This is sad. You're like an old panda that's gonna get put down at the zoo. 504 00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:23,430 - They bring kids in to watch that. - Fuck off. 505 00:22:23,634 --> 00:22:26,053 I'm assuming I'm safe. 506 00:22:26,386 --> 00:22:28,266 Amy, you pretended to have a miscarriage for me. 507 00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:30,807 You remain crucial to my policy team. 508 00:22:31,058 --> 00:22:32,858 All right, boys and girls, I got a promotion. 509 00:22:32,936 --> 00:22:35,646 All right, so first order of business is to issue a press release, 510 00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:37,564 which I already have written. 511 00:22:37,815 --> 00:22:39,255 Colette, if you would do the honors. 512 00:22:39,317 --> 00:22:41,402 In the "me" file under "phase one." 513 00:22:41,486 --> 00:22:43,820 Okay, and you and you, 514 00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:46,115 I need you to move this desk. 515 00:22:46,282 --> 00:22:48,427 Let's go. Don't give me that sad orphan face, all right? 516 00:22:48,451 --> 00:22:51,221 Take your little snack pack and your water bottle and get the fuck out. 517 00:22:51,245 --> 00:22:52,496 - Hey, Dan. - Yes? 518 00:22:52,579 --> 00:22:55,219 Congrats on the big promotion. You and I should grab another drink. 519 00:22:55,333 --> 00:22:57,960 Yeah, you know what? Run it by my secretary. His name is Mike. 520 00:22:58,043 --> 00:22:59,562 No, no, no, you've got to move that back. 521 00:22:59,586 --> 00:23:01,273 I'm not gonna have you eyeballing me all day. 522 00:23:01,297 --> 00:23:03,383 - That's not gonna go right there. - Relax, cow eyes. 523 00:23:03,466 --> 00:23:06,427 I'm not gonna be sitting here looking at your cow eyes the whole time. 524 00:23:06,511 --> 00:23:07,720 Guys, seat goes right here. 525 00:23:07,804 --> 00:23:09,138 - Shit, shit. - What? What? What? 526 00:23:09,222 --> 00:23:10,974 Twitter eruption. Veep's trending. 527 00:23:11,516 --> 00:23:13,226 - Amy, what's going on? - Yeah? 528 00:23:13,309 --> 00:23:14,894 You're trending, ma'am. 529 00:23:14,978 --> 00:23:16,913 I'm on Twitter, but it wants me to create a new account. 530 00:23:16,937 --> 00:23:18,248 - I don't know how to do this. - Well, then do that. 531 00:23:18,272 --> 00:23:19,291 Amy, what the fuck? What is it, Amy? 532 00:23:19,315 --> 00:23:21,276 This is the reporter from Ohio, Felicia. 533 00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:22,818 Wait, wait. No, I got it. I got it. 534 00:23:23,819 --> 00:23:27,948 "Got played by team veep. They wanted me to make her cry." 535 00:23:28,031 --> 00:23:31,201 Hashtag "fakeveepweep." What the fuck? 536 00:23:31,285 --> 00:23:33,079 What? Who wanted to make me cry? 537 00:23:33,162 --> 00:23:35,415 Mike engineered your crying, ma'am. 538 00:23:35,498 --> 00:23:37,058 He said that he was your puppet master. 539 00:23:37,083 --> 00:23:38,601 Actually, he said he was your Pinocchio, 540 00:23:38,625 --> 00:23:40,813 but I think he meant geppetto, who was actually the puppet master. 541 00:23:40,837 --> 00:23:42,547 Mike got you to cry on camera. 542 00:23:44,006 --> 00:23:46,301 - What the fuck, Mike? - What the fuck, Mike? 543 00:23:46,384 --> 00:23:49,012 Amy, get into my office. Mike, especially you. 544 00:23:49,095 --> 00:23:50,763 Go into my office. Okay. 545 00:23:53,850 --> 00:23:55,976 Holy Christ. Look at the size of this one. 546 00:23:56,059 --> 00:23:57,978 Buddy, I think you're as big as my gay dwarf. 547 00:23:58,478 --> 00:24:00,147 I need to see the vice president now. 548 00:24:00,398 --> 00:24:02,567 Sorry, I don't work here. I do work in the west... 549 00:24:02,650 --> 00:24:05,004 Well, then get the hell out of my way, you leaning tower of... 550 00:24:05,028 --> 00:24:06,362 - Pisa. - No. 551 00:24:06,696 --> 00:24:07,864 - Shit? - Good. 552 00:24:08,197 --> 00:24:09,490 - Move it. - Yes, sir. 553 00:24:09,574 --> 00:24:11,574 Hey, sweet cakes. I need to get in to see the veep. 554 00:24:11,783 --> 00:24:14,263 Congressman, if you call me that again, you'll need to see a paramedic. 555 00:24:14,287 --> 00:24:16,496 - Take care of that. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 556 00:24:16,580 --> 00:24:18,516 - Big bully, what are you doing? - You think that I'm a crybaby? 557 00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:20,208 Sorry to barge in, madam vice president. 558 00:24:21,169 --> 00:24:24,796 Yeah, Larry, listen. Furlong is in the office. 559 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,841 Don't talk to furlong. You need to keep a low profile. 560 00:24:27,925 --> 00:24:30,594 I just issued a press release announcing my promotion. 561 00:24:31,386 --> 00:24:32,638 Bye, Dan. 562 00:24:33,096 --> 00:24:36,016 Frankly, ma'am, I'm angry. Will, tell her why. 563 00:24:36,225 --> 00:24:39,829 The press claims that you intentionally cried in order to divert attention away from the fact 564 00:24:39,853 --> 00:24:40,853 that we had to bus people 565 00:24:40,896 --> 00:24:41,956 - into the fundraiser. - Uh-huh. 566 00:24:41,980 --> 00:24:44,859 Furlong: And now I'm being implicated in your disgusting little lies, 567 00:24:44,942 --> 00:24:48,342 and, actually, I really don't feel like being dragged into the toilet with you, ma'am. 568 00:24:48,488 --> 00:24:50,656 Number one, congressman, 569 00:24:51,990 --> 00:24:53,742 I'm sick of taking your shit, okay? 570 00:24:54,743 --> 00:24:57,663 Number two, number one again. 571 00:24:57,746 --> 00:24:59,957 The crying was manipulated, ma'am. I was manipulated. 572 00:25:00,041 --> 00:25:01,834 And this meeting is now terminated 573 00:25:01,918 --> 00:25:04,504 because this was never a meeting to even begin with. 574 00:25:04,587 --> 00:25:06,523 You're gonna need to leave 'cause I'm not really aware 575 00:25:06,547 --> 00:25:08,256 of where my actions will take me, okay? 576 00:25:08,757 --> 00:25:10,736 What are you gonna do? You gonna choke me with some spanx? 577 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,594 Do you want to try me? 578 00:25:13,929 --> 00:25:15,931 You got breath mints in that bag? Let's go. 579 00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:19,485 Oh, you got a nice big red dot in the middle of your forehead, danno. 580 00:25:19,519 --> 00:25:21,239 - And it ain't a fucking bindi. - Excuse me? 581 00:25:21,354 --> 00:25:24,194 You'd better saddle up, cowgirl, 'cause I'm gonna ride this whole office 582 00:25:24,273 --> 00:25:26,359 into a congressional investigative hearing 583 00:25:26,442 --> 00:25:28,586 over the macauley amendment and the attendant corruption. 584 00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:30,237 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Just relax. 585 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,698 I think you might want to get yourself a helmet, okay? 586 00:25:32,781 --> 00:25:35,200 And a bulletproof vest and an iron jockstrap. 587 00:25:35,660 --> 00:25:38,940 'Cause you're gonna get your head shot, your back stabbed, and your nuts danced on. 588 00:25:39,872 --> 00:25:41,624 Have a good Monday. 589 00:25:42,208 --> 00:25:43,459 Bye, sue. 590 00:25:45,294 --> 00:25:48,297 All right, you're gonna need to stay in your former position. 591 00:25:48,381 --> 00:25:50,133 Okay? Keep a low profile. 592 00:25:50,508 --> 00:25:52,175 In yourface, Dan. 593 00:25:53,678 --> 00:25:57,724 Um, ma'am, I may have already issued a press release 594 00:25:57,807 --> 00:25:59,808 - regarding my promotion. - Really? 595 00:26:00,684 --> 00:26:03,354 Well, can I UN-promote you? I don't think so. 596 00:26:03,438 --> 00:26:04,731 Is he my boss again? 597 00:26:05,064 --> 00:26:07,733 Only in title, all right? You're still senior to him. 598 00:26:07,816 --> 00:26:09,068 In your fucking face. 599 00:26:09,152 --> 00:26:11,195 Stop it, okay? Please, Mike. 600 00:26:11,279 --> 00:26:13,507 Hey, Dan, I'm gonna take a rain check on that beer, okay? 601 00:26:13,531 --> 00:26:16,409 Oh, my god in heaven. So, let's see. 602 00:26:16,492 --> 00:26:19,078 The guy that I have just put in charge of rebutting 603 00:26:19,162 --> 00:26:22,914 is now in charge of rebutting questions over the macauley amendment, 604 00:26:22,998 --> 00:26:25,709 which is the very thing he should be nowhere near rebutting. 605 00:26:25,917 --> 00:26:27,211 Right? 606 00:26:27,712 --> 00:26:28,980 I did warn you about him, ma'am. 607 00:26:29,004 --> 00:26:30,840 Okay, get out, Amy. Get out of my office. 608 00:26:45,438 --> 00:26:48,899 See now, now I want to cry. 609 00:26:50,525 --> 00:26:52,068 But I can't cry. 610 00:26:52,152 --> 00:26:54,362 - Can I get you a cup of tea? Okay. - Yeah. 611 00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:58,742 You know, I mean, this job has fucked me up so bad. 612 00:26:59,159 --> 00:27:01,828 Now I don't fucking know if I can cry anymore. 613 00:27:05,207 --> 00:27:06,834 I wouldn't worry about it, ma'am. 614 00:27:08,252 --> 00:27:10,172 I mean, you've only got four years of this, so... 615 00:27:12,215 --> 00:27:15,301 Eight years, I guess, if we got reelected, obviously. 616 00:27:15,384 --> 00:27:16,928 Twelve if you run for president. 617 00:27:19,305 --> 00:27:21,890 Sixteen, two-term. 618 00:27:24,142 --> 00:27:25,895 So think about that. 619 00:27:40,742 --> 00:27:43,829 Egan, all right? Dan egan. That's Dan with a capital "d" 620 00:27:43,912 --> 00:27:45,747 and egan with an "open your fucking ears." 621 00:27:46,706 --> 00:27:48,375 Yes, "e" as in ears. 622 00:27:51,336 --> 00:27:52,337 Yeah, I'll hold. 623 00:27:52,420 --> 00:27:56,508 Mike: When Dan goes home, I want that desk back here, okay? 624 00:27:57,092 --> 00:27:59,886 Sue: No, she's busy. And tomorrow. 625 00:27:59,970 --> 00:28:01,763 Well, that's tomorrow in the plural. 626 00:28:02,097 --> 00:28:03,473 All of them.