1 00:00:10,094 --> 00:00:13,431 You know, democracy is fantastic, but it is also fucking dull. 2 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,325 It doesn't even look like they're gonna break a tie. 3 00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:16,976 Selina does not even have to be here. 4 00:00:17,435 --> 00:00:19,854 Oh, my god. Is she falling asleep? 5 00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:22,189 No, she cannot fall asleep on live TV. 6 00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:24,858 Not on c-span. The irony would be too huge. 7 00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:26,652 Come on, come on, come on, come on. 8 00:00:26,736 --> 00:00:28,754 Are you really waving? She cannot see you through the TV. 9 00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:30,323 Most of us learn that when we're four. 10 00:00:30,448 --> 00:00:31,717 We can call her. The vibrations will wake her up. 11 00:00:31,741 --> 00:00:33,260 - (Phone ringing) - No, she's not gonna fall asleep. 12 00:00:33,284 --> 00:00:35,744 It's probably only us who have noticed. 13 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,163 No, clive, no. 14 00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:40,165 She is not falling asleep. 15 00:00:40,249 --> 00:00:42,376 No, it is just very warm down there. 16 00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:44,419 - Whoa, head jerk. Just head jerked. - Okay. 17 00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:45,962 (Theme music playing) 18 00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:59,920 Mike: Are you sure you set this meeting for 8:00 am. Today? 19 00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:02,187 Am I sure? 20 00:01:02,647 --> 00:01:05,127 Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay, of course you did. Of course. 21 00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:07,318 Please, stop staring at me like that. 22 00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:08,986 Undressing me with your eyes. 23 00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:10,696 I'm adding more clothes, Mike. 24 00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:13,032 Clean jobs almost ready for liftoff, right? 25 00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:14,717 - A little more detail work, but, yes. - Yes. 26 00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,461 I do think that we can start the countdown. 27 00:01:16,494 --> 00:01:19,329 - Okay, well, get your spacesuits on. - (All laughing) 28 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:22,541 Speaking of spacesuits, I met buzz aldrin at a book signing. 29 00:01:22,625 --> 00:01:23,977 You know what really freaks those guys out? 30 00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:27,672 Seeing 17 dawns in a matter of 24 hours. Okay. 31 00:01:27,964 --> 00:01:29,923 - Good morning. - Morning, ma'am. 32 00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:31,591 How is my day looking, sue? 33 00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:35,011 You have one community college meeting this afternoon. 34 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,391 - Is that it? - Yes. 35 00:01:38,474 --> 00:01:39,975 No, no, no, no. That's not right. 36 00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:42,895 Okay, wait a minute. What happens if you scroll down? 37 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,064 (Tapping key quickly) 38 00:01:45,523 --> 00:01:48,943 How about if you scroll up? 39 00:01:49,026 --> 00:01:50,695 That's the past, ma'am. 40 00:01:52,697 --> 00:01:53,990 What's he for? 41 00:01:54,073 --> 00:01:55,366 Mike's your 8:00. 42 00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:58,636 We're talking about your speech for the fire fighters' association tonight. 43 00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:01,622 - Hey, where is Dan? - I have been trying him all morning. 44 00:02:01,706 --> 00:02:04,125 - He's not been picking up. - I don't like that. 45 00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:06,168 Probably sending photos of his dick to himself. 46 00:02:06,377 --> 00:02:08,854 Left him a voicemail. Called him a name. Just a little thing we do. 47 00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:10,213 Mike! 48 00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:13,300 So here's what I'm thinking. We need to open with a funnyjoke. 49 00:02:13,384 --> 00:02:15,177 Solid narrative throughout it, 50 00:02:15,261 --> 00:02:18,139 into which I would like to pepper, like, five zingers. 51 00:02:18,222 --> 00:02:20,975 - No problemo. Mclintock gold. - Okay. Good. 52 00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:23,370 I thought for the opener we'd do a little self-deprecating joke 53 00:02:23,394 --> 00:02:25,021 - about your snooze in the senate. - No. 54 00:02:25,521 --> 00:02:26,814 - Want to hear it? - No. 55 00:02:27,732 --> 00:02:28,791 Okay. Yeah, it doesn't matter. 56 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,985 - Okay, here you go, first home run. - Mmm-hmm. 57 00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:33,362 "Firefighters have a passion for their work. 58 00:02:33,446 --> 00:02:36,574 "Arsonists just have a burning desire." (Chuckles) 59 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:38,992 Is that even a joke? 60 00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:40,828 - Yeah, it's a word play or a parody. - Mmm. 61 00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:43,163 Okay, doesn't matter. 62 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,664 - Got another one. - All right. 63 00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:47,167 Ladders, obviously germane to the firefighting business. 64 00:02:47,251 --> 00:02:50,004 You go, "firefighters are always climbing ladders, 65 00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:52,006 "and in politics you're always..." 66 00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:54,508 And this, I don't even know what I wrote, but it's basically 67 00:02:54,592 --> 00:02:57,178 you're taking steps to 68 00:02:57,261 --> 00:02:59,805 get somewhere but without a ladder... 69 00:02:59,889 --> 00:03:02,141 Yeah, this is not making me laugh at all. 70 00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:03,744 We'll bring that one back when it's ready. 71 00:03:03,768 --> 00:03:05,853 Okay, "fire safety guy asked me the other day," 72 00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:08,063 and this is your voice, "'do I smoke in bed?' 73 00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:11,066 "and I said, we never had any complaints. (Chuckles) 74 00:03:13,319 --> 00:03:14,612 Too shock? Too shock? 75 00:03:14,737 --> 00:03:16,864 Okay. All right. This is kind of a half an idea. 76 00:03:17,073 --> 00:03:21,660 All right, so the idea is if you're a fireman putting a wet blanket on something... 77 00:03:21,744 --> 00:03:24,163 - You are late. - Yes, and I am incredibly sorry. 78 00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:27,041 I was not in my own apartment last night. I just... I overslept. 79 00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:30,669 Okay, having a massive stroke is an excuse for coming in late to this office. 80 00:03:30,753 --> 00:03:32,296 Having sex is absolutely not, Dan. 81 00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:34,589 Quite right, ma'am. Although, in my defense, 82 00:03:34,672 --> 00:03:36,509 - I didn't even think you'd be here. - Why? 83 00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:39,779 There's the briefing on the fiscal responsibility bill at the white house. 84 00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,347 I just assumed you'd be there. 85 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,265 I wasn't invited. What? 86 00:03:43,349 --> 00:03:44,392 This is happening... 87 00:03:44,475 --> 00:03:45,475 Right now. 88 00:03:45,518 --> 00:03:46,894 Fuck that potus. 89 00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:49,521 He did this with the defense budget briefing two weeks ago. 90 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:51,940 God. Where is Amy? 91 00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:53,818 - You get a gag on top of... - Mike! 92 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,445 Why didn't I know about this? 93 00:03:58,823 --> 00:04:01,533 I'm going. They can't keep me out of there. 94 00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:10,501 Gary: Hey, ma'am, I'm right here. Can I get you something? 95 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:11,876 You got rollerblades? 96 00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:18,300 I'm coming in. 97 00:04:24,849 --> 00:04:25,850 Okay. 98 00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:28,268 Good. 99 00:04:32,690 --> 00:04:34,275 Selina: Hi, guys. 100 00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:38,278 - Fiscal responsibility. - It's ridiculous. 101 00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:39,696 Are you kidding me? 102 00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:43,199 Not one of those guys has paid for their own lunch in like a decade. 103 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,869 I think I made a big point by being there. 104 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:48,205 - Big point. - I was breathing really heavily, though. 105 00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:50,684 - You don't think anyone noticed that, do you? - No. God, no. 106 00:04:50,708 --> 00:04:53,878 Bob Lewis has got emphysema. Sounds like a broken-down leaf blower. 107 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,254 - He does. - (Low growling) 108 00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:58,756 That is an actually uncanny impression of him. 109 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,425 - Madam vice president. - Yeah? 110 00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:01,843 - Oh, hi, Jonah. - Hey, Jonah. 111 00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:02,927 You coming to see us? 112 00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:04,847 Oh, no. I had to take a personal hour. 113 00:05:04,930 --> 00:05:06,681 I have a nutritionist appointment. 114 00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:09,977 - Oh, hope you're okay. - It'll be fine. 115 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,770 But I'm fructose intolerant. 116 00:05:11,854 --> 00:05:13,731 - Fructose? - Fruit sugars. 117 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,733 It's very rare. 118 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,985 - Well, good luck with all that. - Thank you. 119 00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:23,824 Just when you thought he couldn't get any weirder, he did. 120 00:05:23,908 --> 00:05:25,242 My god. 121 00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:32,457 Oh, sorry about earlier. I thought you were in the chair. 122 00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:35,252 Okay, you know what? I'm gonna need a meeting with everybody. 123 00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:37,504 I need a coffee. 124 00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,632 Here's the deal. 125 00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:41,842 The president is avoiding me. 126 00:05:41,926 --> 00:05:43,486 Maybe he's just flaky like Gary's feet. 127 00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:45,846 No, I know him. He hates confrontation, 128 00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:48,407 and obviously there is something that he needs to confront me about. 129 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:52,435 I mean, am I still getting unequivocal support on clean jobs? 130 00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:55,563 I need some good, solid white house intel on this. 131 00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:57,066 - Yup, the whitegeist. - Right. 132 00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:58,609 - I'm on it. - Good. 133 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:01,027 - Okay, please, please. - Okay. Okay. 134 00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:04,949 I'm gonna check and see if this fireman thing tonight is getting mentioned anywhere. 135 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,200 - Whoa, are you self-googling? - Yeah. 136 00:06:07,283 --> 00:06:08,929 We have guys in the office to do that, ma'am. 137 00:06:08,953 --> 00:06:11,538 I wouldn't search on your name or your nicknames, really. 138 00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:12,790 My nicknames? 139 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:15,376 Gary, what are my nicknames? 140 00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:20,548 There's just some nicknames that it's necessary 141 00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:24,343 for us to search on to kind of pick up on blog coverage. 142 00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:27,178 - But, I mean, like what? - Okay. 143 00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:30,891 There's one that has to do with the legislation you did 144 00:06:30,975 --> 00:06:32,725 to support women breast feeding in public. 145 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,454 - That was good legislation. - It was good legislation. 146 00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:36,522 - Mammary meyer. - Oh, please. 147 00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:39,233 - Like that. - Wait. Are there others? 148 00:06:39,817 --> 00:06:42,361 Oh, really? Okay. 149 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:47,950 Grisly madam, she-ra, meyer the liar, the batcave, pissface. 150 00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:52,329 Wicked witch of the west wing, veep throat, voldemeyer, 151 00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:54,539 dickless Van dyke, tawdry hepburn, 152 00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:56,874 blunder woman, selina meh. 153 00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:58,627 Pissface? Huh? 154 00:06:58,711 --> 00:07:00,712 No, not that one. 155 00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:02,923 Vaselina, Betty poop. 156 00:07:03,007 --> 00:07:06,259 People attack you because they think you're beautiful and you're smart. 157 00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:09,178 You got the most nicknames when you were on the cover of vogue. 158 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:12,016 I remember that. They were just jealous. Remember that? 159 00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,409 Amy: Yes. Mike: They called you goofy smile. 160 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,193 Gary: Well, let's not get into it. Amy: Yeah. 161 00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:18,772 Hmm. Bummer. Looks like your girlfriend 162 00:07:18,856 --> 00:07:21,358 didn't get the chief of staffjob with the speaker. 163 00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:23,027 Guess I don't have to buy a hat now. 164 00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:26,447 Hat? Oh, wedding? (Scoffs) No. 165 00:07:27,865 --> 00:07:29,199 Put a lot of time in on Alice. 166 00:07:29,325 --> 00:07:31,385 I was deliberately late for work because I wanted her to believe 167 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:33,013 that she was more important to me than my job. 168 00:07:33,037 --> 00:07:34,997 - She fall for that? - I doubt it. 169 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,181 But it's the thought that counts. 170 00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:37,308 She appreciates the gesture of me 171 00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:38,602 trying to trick her into believing that. 172 00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:40,628 That is so romantic. 173 00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:43,881 Sadly, the beautiful thing we had faded very suddenly 174 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,299 eight minutes ago. 175 00:07:46,008 --> 00:07:47,134 So who's next? 176 00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:49,636 Which strategically useful young woman will get to witness 177 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,846 your two-hour morning skin care regime? 178 00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:00,438 You like this place? I love this place. 179 00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:03,858 Yeah. No frills. 180 00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:04,942 Not a single frill. 181 00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:07,237 When they bring out the bread, you check it out. 182 00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:09,865 It is a fuckload of bread. Believe me, you could feed a family, 183 00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:12,367 like a fat family off the fuckload of bread alone. 184 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:14,471 Think I'm gonna get an orange juice. You want one? 185 00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:16,330 Oh, no. No way, dude. Fructose. 186 00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:20,918 So clean jobs is looking pretty exciting. 187 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,479 What about the white house? They as stoked as we are? 188 00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:24,606 Hey, man, yeah. I'm out of the office. I don't want to talk shop. 189 00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:25,923 Oh, right, right, yeah. 190 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,676 Just punched out. Just two guys hanging. 191 00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:30,886 - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. I like hanging with you. 192 00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:32,262 - Thanks, man. - Yeah. 193 00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:33,681 It's too bad Amy doesn't. 194 00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:35,598 Please, she's just fucking jealous. 195 00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:38,328 Since you guys went out, you've been getting action, right? 196 00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:39,687 Oh, mad action. 197 00:08:39,770 --> 00:08:41,896 I got a cock like a cappuccino frother. 198 00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:44,774 One of the big ones. The industrial ones, not the little ones. 199 00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:46,735 Thanks, Joe. 200 00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:48,570 (Softly) Fuck, yeah. 201 00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:52,407 What did I tell you? That's like two grain silos fucked right there. 202 00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:55,618 Yup, that's a regular granary gangbang. 203 00:08:55,828 --> 00:08:57,588 Oh, dude, did you hear that fucking bullshit 204 00:08:57,621 --> 00:09:00,373 that Max geldray is saying that potus is avoiding selina? 205 00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:02,458 Max geldray knows shit about shit. 206 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,919 The only intel he has is on his fucking PC. 207 00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:08,841 - Intel, that's a brand of microprocessor. - Strong joke. 208 00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:11,718 - Potus, he knows clean jobs has traction. - (Phone ringing) 209 00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:14,053 Senator macauley, he'd sponsor that bill in a heartbeat. 210 00:09:14,138 --> 00:09:16,973 He's got a big, veiny boner for it. 211 00:09:18,474 --> 00:09:21,019 Oh, shit. They need me back at the west wing, like, now. 212 00:09:21,103 --> 00:09:22,831 - What, did we declare war? - No, it's worse. 213 00:09:22,855 --> 00:09:25,065 Interactive tourist section of the website is down. 214 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:28,712 Hey, there's this extreme metal band playing over at labyrinth's tonight. 215 00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:31,071 Just real fucked up noise. 216 00:09:31,155 --> 00:09:32,716 They don't even have a name. You want to check it out? 217 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:35,241 Yeah, man. Let's go catch some decibels. 218 00:09:35,324 --> 00:09:36,993 - You cut me, I bleed metal. - Great. 219 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:39,747 And what would you like? 220 00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:41,581 To eat at a different fucking restaurant. 221 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,252 (Sirens blaring) 222 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:49,672 Amy: So Mike's jokes didn't work? 223 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,759 Selina: Yeah. I mean, firefighters are used to seeing people die, Amy, 224 00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:54,677 but not like that. 225 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,722 Selina: Listen, we have got to congratulate Martin on this. 226 00:09:57,805 --> 00:10:01,101 I mean, this is such a great draft of the clean jobs bill. 227 00:10:01,185 --> 00:10:02,996 Yeah, it's pretty much all here. We just need to... 228 00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:04,270 Up the stakes substantially? 229 00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:07,816 Noncompliance penalties, don't you think those should be greater? 230 00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,085 I think we should just go for it. 231 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:12,237 I think we should just fine the fuckers till the fuckers aren't fine. 232 00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:13,363 (Chuckles) 233 00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:19,077 That was totally inappropriate. 234 00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:21,245 - Inappropriate. - Inappropriate. 235 00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:23,690 That's not the first time that that's happened, by the way. 236 00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:28,002 He's not supposed to register emotion. He's supposed to be like a robot geisha. 237 00:10:28,337 --> 00:10:29,797 - I'll see to it. - Yeah. 238 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:34,510 So, we still don't know if this bill has unequivocal support from potus. 239 00:10:34,593 --> 00:10:37,054 Well, Dan is working intel on that. 240 00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,889 (Loud metal music playing) 241 00:10:44,228 --> 00:10:45,604 - Hey. - Hey, Gary. 242 00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:48,981 I'm gonna head home if it's okay. If I'm not needed. 243 00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:51,192 Yeah, sure. What's in the bag? 244 00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:53,027 Oh, I got my first zumba class tonight. 245 00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:54,821 - Oh, neat. - I'm excited. 246 00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:56,945 Amy and I are gonna be working pretty late, I think. 247 00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:59,451 Would you do me a favor? Could you go and pick up 248 00:10:59,535 --> 00:11:02,411 some of those takeout crab cakes from levin's? 249 00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:03,579 - I love those. - Yeah. 250 00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:06,095 That wouldn't spoil your plans, would it? 251 00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:07,458 No, ma'am. 252 00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:11,129 Hey, Gary, what are some of the other nicknames? 253 00:11:11,213 --> 00:11:13,381 Oh, come on. This is masochism. 254 00:11:13,464 --> 00:11:15,217 No, it's not. I have very thick skin. 255 00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,010 I'm just interested, that's all. 256 00:11:17,094 --> 00:11:18,762 It's just various vp things. 257 00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:22,224 - You know, like using the initials vp jokingly. - Like what? 258 00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:26,269 Vaguely personable. Viagra prohibitor. Visible panties. 259 00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:28,855 Viagra prohibitor? (Chuckles) 260 00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:32,693 Why, because when a guy's with me he doesn't need Viagra? 261 00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:37,823 No. It means that even if a guy uses it... 262 00:11:40,117 --> 00:11:41,451 It doesn't work? 263 00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:45,788 They are saying that a prescription medication 264 00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:49,584 that is supposed to guarantee a strong and sustained erection 265 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:52,546 in all men, despite their age or their health, 266 00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:55,424 is rendered ineffective by me? 267 00:11:56,008 --> 00:11:58,176 You know what? You no longer search on the nicknames. 268 00:11:58,260 --> 00:11:59,863 - You said you had thick skin. - Gary: God, no. 269 00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:01,346 Wait, what about vpilf? 270 00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,723 - That's flattering. You know what that means? - No, Gary. 271 00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:06,726 Vice president I would like to, you know, fool around with. 272 00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:07,810 - Fuck. - Okay. 273 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,813 (Loud metal music playing) 274 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:14,401 Ah! This is fucking primordial. 275 00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:17,321 You know what? You can't find these guys on fucking iTunes. 276 00:12:17,446 --> 00:12:19,655 - You know why? - 'Cause they don't have a name? 277 00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:21,575 'Cause they're not for fucking sale. 278 00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,534 Fucking listen to this. 279 00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:28,998 This is fucking like being operated on by a chimp with a hard-on and a hacksaw. 280 00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:30,166 Radical stuff. 281 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:34,880 Yeah. That's exactly how I feel about the clean jobs legislation. 282 00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:37,925 Has potus said anything about how high the agenda's gonna go? 283 00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:39,092 All noises are good. 284 00:12:39,176 --> 00:12:42,386 I'm in a meeting tomorrow and it's definitely gonna get discussed. 285 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:43,804 I'll call you. 286 00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:46,141 That would be awesome, man. Thank you. That's great. 287 00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,769 Pick up this round, I'll get the next one. And grab some nuts. 288 00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:51,187 I'm sweating all my minerals into my shorts here. 289 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,689 Get some fucking nuts! 290 00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:00,822 You know, I've asked Dan and Mike to play devil's advocate 291 00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,508 against this bill, assemble some arguments. 292 00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,552 You know, what people might say against it and stuff. 293 00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:06,078 Dan is a great choice. 294 00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:08,830 He is already a huge advocate of the devil's. 295 00:13:08,914 --> 00:13:10,791 Potus needs some successes right now. 296 00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:12,459 He doesn't fix the economy soon, 297 00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:15,003 NASA's gonna have to build him an escape pod. 298 00:13:15,087 --> 00:13:17,464 I mean, how has he let this happen? 299 00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:19,675 - God, if I were... - Mmm-mmm-mmm. 300 00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:22,468 Don't say, "if I were president." It's the vp bear trap. 301 00:13:22,678 --> 00:13:24,553 Okay. I won't say it. 302 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,223 I'll just think it. 303 00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:28,642 Thanks for working late tonight, Amy. 304 00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:30,662 Don't feel like you have to come in early tomorrow. 305 00:13:30,686 --> 00:13:32,187 Okay, thanks. 306 00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:33,581 But you will come in early, right? 307 00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:35,148 - Of course. - Yeah. 308 00:13:35,232 --> 00:13:37,985 Shit, Sidney purcell. Should we go another way? 309 00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:39,695 No, I'm not scared of oil lobbyists. 310 00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:42,047 - I'm only scared of two things. - Yeah, bats and Alzheimer's. 311 00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:44,616 Yeah, well remembered. Sidney purcell. 312 00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:46,910 Madam vice president. So good to see you. 313 00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:50,246 Guess what we were just doing? Just polishing up the latest draft of clean jobs. 314 00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:53,333 You know, I am from oil, but that doesn't mean that I don't care deeply 315 00:13:53,417 --> 00:13:56,336 about my children's future and, of course, their children's future. 316 00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:58,005 Speaking of children, I've got to go. 317 00:13:58,088 --> 00:13:59,606 Catherine is waiting to Skype with me. 318 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,967 Great seeing you, as always, madam vice president. 319 00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:03,677 - Okay, take care. - Bye-bye. 320 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,388 I don't have any children. 321 00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,098 I have a niece, but I fucking hate her. 322 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:09,808 How charming. I need to be getting home. 323 00:14:09,891 --> 00:14:13,395 You know, I wanted to tell you if you think this bill of yours is gonna go the distance, 324 00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:16,314 then you must be even stupider than I think you are. 325 00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:19,775 And I should tell you, I think you're borderline developmentally disabled. 326 00:14:20,152 --> 00:14:22,570 This bill is a fucking disgrace, 327 00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:24,697 and I'm gonna see to it personally 328 00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:27,616 that it gets chewed up like a dead prostitute in a wood chipper. 329 00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:29,827 Just wanted to let you know. 330 00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:35,542 You sure you're ready, Mr. Thrash metal? 331 00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:38,211 Heard you only got two hours of sleep last night. 332 00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:40,935 Yeah, well, with how many times you've got to get up and pee, Mike, 333 00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:42,883 I think we're about even. 334 00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:45,969 Hey, have you boys read the latest draft of clean jobs? 335 00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:47,054 Yes, ma'am. 336 00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:49,723 Okay, so you've got your critiques all prepared? 337 00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,141 - Mmm-hmm. - Mmm-hmm. 338 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,768 Who's gonna go first? 339 00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:54,602 Ladies first. 340 00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:56,789 So you can be harsh. You don't need to hold back or anything. 341 00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:58,315 Sure. 342 00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,233 This is class genocide. 343 00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:06,072 This is... this... um, huh? 344 00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:09,493 This is rich white people and their rich white champion selina meyer 345 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,161 demanding an unproven solution 346 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,829 to an unproven problem so they can sleep better at night. 347 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:17,459 Who works for large polluting companies? 348 00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:20,086 Ordinary blue-collar Americans. 349 00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:23,089 Who will get fired or have their wages cut to pay for these taxes? 350 00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,424 Ordinary moms and dads. 351 00:15:24,508 --> 00:15:27,761 Who will suffer when these companies are no longer competitive 352 00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:30,680 because of your high taxes and noncompliance penalties? 353 00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:34,100 This is cold, calculated, class genocide 354 00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:36,185 perpetrated by someone who is either evil, 355 00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:40,523 or eligible to be held on a 5150 at a mental health facility. 356 00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,900 - Shame on you, selina meyer. - Okay. 357 00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:43,984 Remember that name. 358 00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:46,529 No one will want to call their child by that name. 359 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:49,532 There are no more adolfs. Soon there will be no more selinas. 360 00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,202 You are looking at the last selina. 361 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,955 The selina who killed america. 362 00:15:57,791 --> 00:15:58,958 Wow. 363 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:02,379 Oh, my god, Dan. 364 00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,881 - No more selinas? - Okay. 365 00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:07,842 Quiet, okay? I don't need to hear you. 366 00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:10,261 Mike? 367 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,605 My chief criticism is that I don't fully understand it. 368 00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:24,010 - If I don't understand it... - All right, good job, dummy. 369 00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:26,153 Sit down. 370 00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:31,986 - Where's selina? - She's on her way back from lunch. 371 00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:34,678 Selina: You know that trip to Paris? Gary: Uh-huh. 372 00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,495 - Selina: It's on. Yeah. - No! 373 00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:39,165 - Sue: Oh, Amy, I have a quick q for you to a. - Quickly, then. 374 00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:40,499 In diary hierarchy, 375 00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:42,227 does the national resource committee meeting 376 00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:43,770 trump the care for children's association? 377 00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:44,838 Yes. 378 00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:46,923 Okay, I will kill the children. 379 00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:49,652 Gary: You know what would be perfect in Paris is that pink jacket you have. 380 00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:52,762 Ma'am! Ma'am! It's a fucking disaster. 381 00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,639 What is? It could be a lot of things. 382 00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:58,142 The president is very eager to get the fiscal responsibility bill through. 383 00:16:58,225 --> 00:17:01,687 - So eager that... - Oh, shit, no. 384 00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:03,856 He wants all focus to be on that bill. 385 00:17:03,939 --> 00:17:06,233 - He's dropped five other pieces of legislation. - No. 386 00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:08,528 Clean jobs is one of them. 387 00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:11,697 Oh, god. 388 00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:12,782 (Gary groans) 389 00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:17,204 - My clean jobs? - Yeah. 390 00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:19,206 Oh, son of a bitch. 391 00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:22,334 That president, he is a suffocating son of a bitch. 392 00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:24,044 It's okay. 393 00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:27,129 Had we not heard anything about this? 394 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:31,175 Apparently there were rumblings in the blogs, but... 395 00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:32,259 But why weren't we on it? 396 00:17:32,343 --> 00:17:34,804 They used a nickname, ma'am, and we were not searching on it. 397 00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:37,724 - Which one? - Mrs. Doutheyer. 398 00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:39,601 Well, you never mentioned that one. 399 00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:41,644 Yeah, that means you're kind of slightly confused. 400 00:17:41,685 --> 00:17:44,104 You're oddly masculine. 401 00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:47,316 It's a shitty nickname. 402 00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,653 I'm just not gonna accept this. 403 00:17:50,111 --> 00:17:52,280 Oh, my god. I'd have more power in my hands 404 00:17:52,364 --> 00:17:55,407 if I joined one of those moronic Segway tours of DC. 405 00:17:55,700 --> 00:18:00,704 I mean, do you have any idea what I have lost here today? 406 00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:03,667 Do you? Really? 407 00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:06,753 Are you not gonna say anything? 408 00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:08,505 Jesus! 409 00:18:08,672 --> 00:18:11,049 Dan, did your boyfriend know anything about this? 410 00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:13,092 I was trying to use Jonah for intelligence. 411 00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:17,389 That's like trying to use a croissant as a fucking dildo. 412 00:18:17,472 --> 00:18:18,640 - I thought... - No, no, no. 413 00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:19,766 Let me be more clear. 414 00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:24,061 It doesn't do the job, and it makes a fucking mess! 415 00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:26,648 Get out of my office. 416 00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,027 - Gary! - Yes, ma'am? Yes, ma'am? 417 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,271 - I need something. - Okay, is there anything specific? 418 00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:36,341 - I don't fucking know. I just need something. - Okay. 419 00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:37,950 I'll tell you what I'm going to do. 420 00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:40,120 I'm gonna call that stupid potus myself. 421 00:18:40,203 --> 00:18:42,472 I'm gonna tell him to shove it up his ass. I don't see any reason... 422 00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:44,332 Ma'am, why don't we just wait this out, okay? 423 00:18:44,416 --> 00:18:46,143 (Mockingly) "Why don't we just wait this out?" 424 00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:47,876 Is that what you're gonna suggest? 425 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,438 Remind me never to get trapped inside a burning building with you, Mike. 426 00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:53,182 - I'm very good in a fire. - Ma'am, if I may. I think I have an idea. 427 00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,760 What if we went to a friendly senator 428 00:18:55,844 --> 00:18:58,971 and suggested that he or she take the best parts of clean jobs, 429 00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:01,974 the sanctions on polluters, tax breaks for the good guys, 430 00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:06,938 and then added that as an amendment to the fiscal responsibility bill? 431 00:19:10,442 --> 00:19:13,068 Well, that would get the meat of clean jobs through, wouldn't it? 432 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,297 It would also mean we'd go against the president's wishes. 433 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,449 - That's provocative, ma'am. - Yeah. 434 00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,659 Well, I feel like provoking someone. 435 00:19:19,743 --> 00:19:21,328 I really do, Mike. 436 00:19:21,411 --> 00:19:24,998 I'm feeling very fucking provocative. 437 00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:26,833 I'm aware of that, ma'am. 438 00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:30,169 The president won't like that. I can tell you that right now. 439 00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:32,839 - This is the bear trap. - I know, you're right. 440 00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:34,674 We can't do this. Can we? We can't. 441 00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:37,885 We can do anything we want if we really want to. 442 00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:40,138 What is this? Eat, pray, fucking love? 443 00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,390 - Give me a minute. - I can't be seen 444 00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:45,143 sneaking through legislation behind the president's back. 445 00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:48,355 I mean, that would be insane. It would be disloyal. 446 00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:51,358 Ma'am, senator macauley loves this bill and he may decide to do it anyway. 447 00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:54,444 Well, if senator macauley wants to do it himself, 448 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:55,862 then that's great, you know? 449 00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:58,198 It's just that I can't be seen doing it. 450 00:19:58,281 --> 00:20:00,075 Okay? Okay? 451 00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:01,993 Ma'am, I got you a little bit of ice cream. 452 00:20:02,077 --> 00:20:03,346 I thought that might be just what you wanted. 453 00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:05,622 That is just exactly what I wanted. 454 00:20:06,081 --> 00:20:08,624 - Would you get me some whipped cream? - Yeah, give me a minute. 455 00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:13,379 I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't because I didn't know if you already knew, 456 00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:15,130 but my loyalty is with potus. 457 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,610 Bullshit. You didn't know he was gonna roll over on clean jobs. 458 00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:20,928 - You had no fucking idea. - Dan, I had a fucking idea. 459 00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:23,741 You know what, Jonah? I don't think that we should see each other anymore. 460 00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:25,558 - Come on. - Sorry. 461 00:20:25,642 --> 00:20:27,394 So you're saying that 462 00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:30,562 just because I'm not as close to potus as you thought I was, 463 00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,248 that means that we can't hang out anymore? 464 00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:34,359 What I'm saying, you fucking ape, 465 00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:39,072 is that you are a useless waste of fucking carbon. 466 00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:40,740 I've been trying to cynically use you, 467 00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:43,993 but you're so fucking low-rent, you can't even be exploited. 468 00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:48,414 Not to mention the fact any restaurant that serves anything in a fuckload 469 00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:49,790 is not a nice restaurant. 470 00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:51,584 Where is the bread at this place, asshole? 471 00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:54,129 - And you, you upstate New York dickshit... - Watch it. 472 00:20:54,212 --> 00:20:55,772 Yeah, I'll talk about upstate New York. 473 00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:58,590 You guys think you're fucking New York, but you're not. 474 00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:01,260 And you with your perpetual 5 o'clock shadow, 475 00:21:01,677 --> 00:21:03,595 you're not that great to be around. 476 00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:04,721 I don't like you, Dan. 477 00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:07,200 Really? I think you do. I think you're a little sweet on me, Jonah. 478 00:21:07,224 --> 00:21:08,767 That's why you're so upset. 479 00:21:08,852 --> 00:21:10,727 You know what, Dan? 480 00:21:11,855 --> 00:21:13,815 You're a fucking dick. 481 00:21:15,024 --> 00:21:17,001 Well, careful when you go to sleep tonight, asshole. 482 00:21:17,025 --> 00:21:18,796 Maybe I'll sneak into your apartment with a bag of oranges 483 00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:20,237 and fructose you to death. 484 00:21:20,822 --> 00:21:21,823 (Sirens blaring) 485 00:21:22,365 --> 00:21:25,410 Selina: Hey, we should send potus a postcard from Paris. 486 00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:28,704 What's the French for "shove it up your ass"? (Chuckles) 487 00:21:28,912 --> 00:21:33,083 God, parisian women really intimidate me. 488 00:21:34,668 --> 00:21:38,338 I don't know. They're so parisian. 489 00:21:38,423 --> 00:21:40,300 You're as stylish as any parisian woman. 490 00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:42,177 Oh, thank you. 491 00:21:43,761 --> 00:21:45,805 - Oh, so are you. - Thank you. 492 00:21:46,514 --> 00:21:48,390 That took too long, didn't it? 493 00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:50,309 - We can't go to Paris. - Shit. 494 00:21:50,392 --> 00:21:52,537 No, whoa, whoa, whoa. What? We got all those tours lined up. 495 00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:53,997 - What are you talk... - Be quiet. What? 496 00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:56,040 They're anticipating another tied vote in the senate. 497 00:21:56,064 --> 00:21:57,500 You need to head back to preside again. 498 00:21:57,524 --> 00:21:59,486 - It's gavel time. - What bill is it? 499 00:21:59,569 --> 00:22:02,209 - That was a play on "it's hammer time." - I know. What bill is it? 500 00:22:03,573 --> 00:22:07,826 No. No. It's the macauley amendment? 501 00:22:07,911 --> 00:22:10,287 Yeah. It's the meat of clean jobs. 502 00:22:11,705 --> 00:22:12,915 Which way are you gonna vote? 503 00:22:13,957 --> 00:22:16,835 The way that my principles and conscience tell me to go. 504 00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:18,254 Okay. 505 00:22:19,255 --> 00:22:20,775 Which way do you think that should be? 506 00:22:22,132 --> 00:22:24,802 Look, you already know my feelings on this. 507 00:22:24,886 --> 00:22:26,888 The president does not want 508 00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:29,098 the clean jobs amendment passed in any form. 509 00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:30,975 (Dan sighing) 510 00:22:31,059 --> 00:22:32,392 Dan, talk, please. 511 00:22:32,477 --> 00:22:35,020 If it comes down to a tie, vote for. 512 00:22:35,103 --> 00:22:37,690 - You back your own policy. - Yeah? You think so? 513 00:22:37,774 --> 00:22:38,816 - No. - Yes. 514 00:22:39,775 --> 00:22:43,696 So you are actually saying that you want me to destroy the policy 515 00:22:43,780 --> 00:22:45,548 that you and I have been working on for months, 516 00:22:45,572 --> 00:22:47,367 actually years if you think about it, Amy? 517 00:22:47,450 --> 00:22:49,243 - Yes. - Wow. 518 00:22:49,326 --> 00:22:50,428 All right, let me get this straight. 519 00:22:50,452 --> 00:22:54,499 So you, Dan, who are absolutely against this policy, 520 00:22:54,582 --> 00:22:58,044 don't say othennise, you want me to vote for it. 521 00:22:58,127 --> 00:23:03,048 And you, Amy, who love this policy, you want me to vote against it. Yeah? 522 00:23:04,968 --> 00:23:08,887 This is some weird-ass through the looking-glass shit right now. 523 00:23:08,972 --> 00:23:10,473 - Vote against. - Vote for. 524 00:23:12,392 --> 00:23:14,059 Hey, ma'am. They need you on the floor. 525 00:23:14,142 --> 00:23:15,644 Oh, boy. 526 00:23:15,727 --> 00:23:17,480 All right, well... 527 00:23:19,856 --> 00:23:22,109 See you later, folks. 528 00:23:22,192 --> 00:23:24,236 Wish me luck. 529 00:23:26,656 --> 00:23:28,908 You got macauley to add this amendment, didn't you? 530 00:23:28,992 --> 00:23:30,994 - I know you did. - Macauley is his own man. 531 00:23:31,828 --> 00:23:36,165 If you did this, you went against selina's explicit orders 532 00:23:36,291 --> 00:23:40,003 and you have put this entire office into a salad spinner of fuck. 533 00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:47,175 What, are you checking your fantasy fucking football scores? 534 00:23:47,301 --> 00:23:49,678 Get the fuck off it. 535 00:23:51,264 --> 00:23:55,143 Hey. Oh, man. What's she gonna do? 536 00:23:55,226 --> 00:23:56,579 Amy: What I said. Dan: What I said. 537 00:23:56,603 --> 00:23:57,687 (Gavel bangs on TV) 538 00:23:57,770 --> 00:24:02,107 On this vote, the yeas are 50, the nays are 50. 539 00:24:02,190 --> 00:24:04,026 The senate being equally divided, 540 00:24:04,110 --> 00:24:09,991 the vice president votes in the negative and the amendment is not agreed to. 541 00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:14,912 (Sighs) 542 00:24:15,705 --> 00:24:18,458 Is this what I came into politics to do, Amy? 543 00:24:18,541 --> 00:24:20,084 It's a rhetorical question. 544 00:24:20,168 --> 00:24:23,003 Obviously I didn't come into politics to do this. 545 00:24:23,211 --> 00:24:27,049 On a happy note, we reassigned the smiling secret service guy. 546 00:24:28,092 --> 00:24:30,153 It's one less grinning idiot with a gun you have to worry about. 547 00:24:30,177 --> 00:24:31,179 (Knocking at door) 548 00:24:31,262 --> 00:24:33,222 - Oh, god, what? - Sorry to disturb you, ma'am. 549 00:24:33,306 --> 00:24:34,974 And yet you are disturbing me. 550 00:24:35,058 --> 00:24:37,059 Uh, potus is anxious, after recent events, 551 00:24:37,142 --> 00:24:40,771 that you don't feel he's trying to nudge you out of the process of government. 552 00:24:40,897 --> 00:24:43,982 Oh, isn't that thoughtful, Amy? 553 00:24:44,066 --> 00:24:45,985 So he would like you to head up a program 554 00:24:46,069 --> 00:24:48,236 that is very important and very dear to his heart. 555 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:51,115 No, no, no, no, no. 556 00:24:51,199 --> 00:24:52,784 You do not do this to me. 557 00:24:52,867 --> 00:24:54,786 Do not say that it is obesity. 558 00:24:54,911 --> 00:24:57,412 Do not say that to me. 559 00:24:57,496 --> 00:24:59,916 - It's obesity. - No, no. 560 00:24:59,999 --> 00:25:01,726 I'm sorry, ma'am, but you have drawn the fat straw. 561 00:25:01,750 --> 00:25:04,270 I will have all the relevant documents fonnarded onto your team. 562 00:25:04,337 --> 00:25:06,798 Okay, it's your bedtime. Get out of my office. 563 00:25:07,965 --> 00:25:09,591 Good night. 564 00:25:09,676 --> 00:25:11,843 Oh, god. Amy. 565 00:25:14,179 --> 00:25:16,640 I mean, seriously. Are you believing this fucking day? 566 00:25:16,723 --> 00:25:19,184 I had to pull the plug on clean jobs, 567 00:25:19,267 --> 00:25:21,186 I'm about to go to France, 568 00:25:21,269 --> 00:25:24,147 and now he gives me obesity. 569 00:25:24,231 --> 00:25:27,526 My god. I'll tell you something else, too. 570 00:25:27,609 --> 00:25:30,362 This is deliberate, Amy. 571 00:25:30,445 --> 00:25:33,281 The president knows how uncomfortable I am made 572 00:25:33,366 --> 00:25:35,701 (whispering) By fat people. 573 00:25:38,871 --> 00:25:41,290 You want to know the secret to keeping weight off? 574 00:25:41,374 --> 00:25:42,959 Shut your fucking pie hole. 575 00:25:43,042 --> 00:25:45,169 How about that? It's not rocket science. 576 00:25:45,253 --> 00:25:46,629 I'm not a nutritionist, am I? 577 00:25:46,713 --> 00:25:48,548 No, I'm not. But I do know one thing. 578 00:25:48,631 --> 00:25:50,216 You've got to put the corndog down, 579 00:25:50,299 --> 00:25:53,052 you've got to get up off your dead one, you've got to get moving. 580 00:25:53,136 --> 00:25:56,055 "Get moving" might actually be a good slogan for this damn thing. 581 00:25:56,139 --> 00:25:58,224 Oh, my god. It's weakness. That's really all it is. 582 00:25:58,307 --> 00:25:59,892 Pure and simple, it's weakness. 583 00:25:59,976 --> 00:26:01,728 It's about self-control. 584 00:26:01,810 --> 00:26:03,980 You don't masturbate in the subway, do you, Amy? 585 00:26:04,063 --> 00:26:06,566 No, you don't. Do you shit in the street, Amy? 586 00:26:06,649 --> 00:26:07,734 No, of course you don't. 587 00:26:07,817 --> 00:26:10,153 Because you've gotten a hold of yourself. 588 00:26:10,445 --> 00:26:12,047 And now I've got to say what? I've got to say, 589 00:26:12,071 --> 00:26:15,032 "I'm the vice president of the United States. Put the cupcake down." 590 00:26:15,116 --> 00:26:16,241 That's now my job? 591 00:26:16,324 --> 00:26:18,703 Amy: I... it's... 592 00:26:18,952 --> 00:26:20,913 Selina: Oh, for fuck's sake. 593 00:26:20,997 --> 00:26:22,597 Amy: Have you ever had a weight problem? 594 00:26:22,665 --> 00:26:25,084 Selina: Yeah, I have.