1 00:00:18,311 --> 00:00:22,273 Why on earth am I spending my lunch break at the great governor chung's book launch? 2 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:26,110 Because it's better than watching Gary drip that fucking noodle juice down his chin. 3 00:00:26,194 --> 00:00:28,528 God, I'm gonna snort a line of tzatziki and go. 4 00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:31,449 I am so mired in filibuster reform, I've got no conversation. 5 00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,659 - Do you know chung? - Not really. 6 00:00:33,743 --> 00:00:35,660 - Hey! - Dan, my man. 7 00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,829 Governor. Good to see you, my friend. 8 00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,373 - How are you, sir? - I'm very well. 9 00:00:39,457 --> 00:00:41,209 - And you must be Amy. - Yes. 10 00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:43,252 80, Dan, how's it working out with the vp? 11 00:00:43,336 --> 00:00:45,605 'Cause if you ever wanna step several rungs down the ladder, 12 00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:47,316 I could always use help from a fellow Daniel. 13 00:00:47,340 --> 00:00:49,091 Dan only climbs up ladders. 14 00:00:49,175 --> 00:00:52,511 Yes, but sometimes you have to go down to go up. 15 00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:56,598 I assume the vice president would be too busy. 16 00:00:56,681 --> 00:00:57,783 Yes. She sends her apologies. 17 00:00:57,807 --> 00:00:59,644 She's prepping for meet the press. 18 00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:01,437 I'll be on face the nation. 19 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,273 But everyone will be watching her, so I guess I can just wing it. 20 00:01:04,357 --> 00:01:06,566 - Shall I sign a book for her? - No... okay. 21 00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:09,402 I'd better be going around myself, 22 00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:11,646 make sure everyone gets to touch the hem of my garment. 23 00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:12,740 (All laughing) 24 00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:14,951 Dan, the man. (Laughs) All right. 25 00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:17,578 "You have to go down to go up." 26 00:01:17,662 --> 00:01:20,080 - What a jerk. - I'm gonna steal that. 27 00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:22,499 Because he who speaks in maxims 28 00:01:23,833 --> 00:01:25,418 can sound wise. 29 00:01:25,503 --> 00:01:28,046 This is good. This is like cornbread. 30 00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:30,049 - (Dan sighs) - Hello, children. 31 00:01:30,132 --> 00:01:33,343 - Hello, senator. - You looking for some fresh backs to stab? 32 00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:36,263 Oh, senator Doyle, it's all part of the game. 33 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,807 Yeah, well, I'll tell you, you wanna play a game, Danny? 34 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:41,393 Why don't you try working an iPad with your dick? 35 00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:42,478 (Laughs) 36 00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:45,021 No, he's already got carpal tunnel in that area. 37 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,650 You have nothing constructive to say to me, Amy? 38 00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:49,442 Is this about clean jobs? 39 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:52,279 Is that what they call it still with two oil guys on it? 40 00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:56,284 Wow, you're gonna have to buy a lot of spray cans to paint that turd gold. 41 00:01:56,367 --> 00:01:59,369 Everyone has limits to their power, senator, even the vice president. 42 00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:02,455 Yeah, and I have the power to withdraw, 43 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:05,458 which is what I'm gonna do right now. 44 00:02:07,545 --> 00:02:09,462 When he said withdraw, he's not talking about 45 00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,483 withdrawing from filibuster reform, though, right? 46 00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:13,718 - No! No! - What do you think he's talking about? 47 00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:16,428 I assumed it was withdraw from the conversation. 48 00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:19,974 Who uses withdraw as a fucking verb besides catholics and butlers? 49 00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:21,702 Maybe the Israeli military every once in a while. 50 00:02:21,726 --> 00:02:23,745 Yeah, you think I don't know? You're fucking with me. 51 00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:25,604 No. Come on, let's just head back. 52 00:02:25,688 --> 00:02:27,564 No, no. No way. I'm staying right here. 53 00:02:27,690 --> 00:02:29,400 You gotta network to get work, baby. 54 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,569 All right? Chung for change. 55 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:32,903 (Applause) 56 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,948 Thank you. Thank you so much. 57 00:02:36,574 --> 00:02:37,699 Selina: We've got jobs. 58 00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:39,076 - Clean jobs. - Clean jobs. 59 00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:40,745 Filibuster reform. 60 00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:42,848 - Yeah, hit that hard. - Right. You know what we need? 61 00:02:42,872 --> 00:02:45,708 - We need some normal, regular-people stuff. - I got an idea. 62 00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:49,837 You could talk about how you always get a sweaty upper lip underneath studio lights. 63 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,339 That shows you're normal. 64 00:02:51,756 --> 00:02:54,174 I'm really talking about a different kind of normal, Gary. 65 00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:56,886 - Oh, okay. - Small talk's gonna happen at the end, right? 66 00:02:56,969 --> 00:02:58,512 - Right. - Gregory's a redskins fan. 67 00:02:58,596 --> 00:03:00,436 - He'll probably bring up football. - Football. 68 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,725 Andlam a... 69 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,311 Ravens fan, so... 70 00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:07,687 Madam vice president, how are your ravens doing this year? 71 00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:10,273 My ravens are gold and I'll tell you why. 72 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:13,861 Because we have Joe flacco as our quarterback. 73 00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:15,571 - Yes. Yes. - And uh... 74 00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,799 Well, you know, the redskins have a great running game this year 75 00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:20,034 and, honestly, that receiving corps over there, 76 00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:22,286 anquan boldin, not looking good for you. 77 00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:23,703 Anquan? 78 00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:25,372 A receiver on the ravens. 79 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,666 Okay, well, I'm not gonna remember that. 80 00:03:27,750 --> 00:03:29,061 - That's not good. - It doesn't matter. 81 00:03:29,085 --> 00:03:31,170 You wanna bet a beer that the ravens will win. 82 00:03:31,253 --> 00:03:34,047 - Beer makes me so gassy. - You can talk about that. 83 00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:36,049 About how it always bloats you, beer. 84 00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:37,551 - Uh-huh. - Uh-huh. 85 00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:39,512 - That's a good one. Oh. - How was chung? 86 00:03:39,595 --> 00:03:43,265 Did he do this thing where you don't know if you're supposed to hug him or crucify him? 87 00:03:43,349 --> 00:03:45,149 Which, by the way, makes me wanna crucify him. 88 00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:47,228 - I did not stay for his speech. - Let me see this. 89 00:03:47,311 --> 00:03:48,705 - "The good fight." - (Mike snickers) 90 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,565 - I know. The title... - Please! Sue? 91 00:03:51,649 --> 00:03:53,066 - Yep. - Handle this for me. 92 00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:54,461 - Do you want me to shred it? - Yeah. 93 00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:56,237 - Should I fire up the shit eater? - Yeah. 94 00:03:56,320 --> 00:04:00,281 No, no. Wait a second. He scrawled something in the front for you. 95 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:04,245 "To vice president salina meyer," 96 00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:07,580 with an "a". "From an admiring wannabe." 97 00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:09,499 What an e-hole. 98 00:04:10,292 --> 00:04:11,752 Changed the "a" to an "e". 99 00:04:11,836 --> 00:04:13,596 What a bunch of Washington bullshit that is. 100 00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:16,840 I am so tired of... hey, Gary, I... 101 00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:20,969 I mean, "wannabe"? He's obviously making a joke, right? 102 00:04:21,053 --> 00:04:25,558 He doesn't really think that he's some sort of credible vice presidential candidate. 103 00:04:25,641 --> 00:04:27,768 Mmm, charismatic war hero. 104 00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:32,273 Yeah, but, I mean, the president always sticks with the incumbent veep. 105 00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:35,609 Plus, he doesn't wanna look like he made a massive error picking you. 106 00:04:37,069 --> 00:04:38,778 Well, that was lovely. 107 00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:41,173 - He's stuck with me, is that what... - I don't mean it like that. 108 00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:43,951 I meant good stuck, like if your marriage lasts or whatever. 109 00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,661 The president's not gonna ditch you. 110 00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:48,456 Would you be quiet? What? 111 00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:50,875 Want me to have Scott put together a file on chung, 112 00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:53,085 - given the noise? - No. No, no, no, no. 113 00:04:53,169 --> 00:04:55,188 Do not let him know that you're worried. Do not make it a thing. 114 00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:57,630 - Yeah, Amy, don't make it a thing, okay? - Okay. 115 00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:00,091 Ame? 116 00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:06,306 Although, if those wheels are in motion anyway, 117 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:09,309 then I would say go ahead and, you know, 118 00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:12,395 put a file together, you know. 119 00:05:13,189 --> 00:05:15,440 You know what I'm sick of? That stupid story of chung 120 00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,817 supposedly pulling some guy out of a burning tank. 121 00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:21,780 Come on, why do guys in the army get a medal for doing their job? 122 00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:25,910 The guy still had severe burns. If anything, chung was too late. 123 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,661 Whoa, whoa. Your desk is in the back. 124 00:05:27,745 --> 00:05:30,956 - This is neutral territory. - Yep. So I'm claiming it. 125 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:32,976 Sue, would you like to tell him about the encroachment rules? 126 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,000 Do I look like a kindergarten teacher to you, Mike? 127 00:05:35,044 --> 00:05:36,670 - Actually, yes. - Excuse me? 128 00:05:36,754 --> 00:05:39,255 Uh, no, you don't. Okay, go ahead. 129 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:42,509 - I'm gonna use your desk in the back. - As what, a pantry? 130 00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:43,594 (Whistles) 131 00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:45,179 Oh, here we go. 132 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,806 Look who it is, everybody! It's your favorite Jonah. 133 00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:51,351 Amy: You're not even your mom's favorite Jonah, Jonah. 134 00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:54,188 Don't be changing the talking points for my meet the press thing. 135 00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:55,523 Okay? I am prepped. 136 00:05:55,606 --> 00:05:58,691 I come bearing a very minor request from the president. 137 00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,860 Does he want to operate me by remote control? 138 00:06:00,945 --> 00:06:03,363 No. That's not technologically possible. 139 00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:09,453 Potus would appreciate it if you didn't go too hard on filibuster reform. 140 00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:12,957 What are you talking about? That's my defining vice presidential crusade. 141 00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:16,335 The administration is totally focused on the economy. 142 00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:17,562 - Selina: Have a great weekend, okay? - Ma'am. 143 00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:19,439 - Sue: Thank you, ma'am, you, too. - Yeah, thank you very much. 144 00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:20,857 - Ma'am. - I need to gather my things. 145 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,608 I'll tell you something else, these need water, okay? 146 00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:23,675 - Sue: Got it. - Okay. 147 00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:26,678 So, ma'am, potus would like your new chosen subject 148 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,513 to be immigration reform. 149 00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:31,433 Americans losing jobs to illegals, et cetera. 150 00:06:31,517 --> 00:06:35,979 I spoke in favor of immigration amnesty all during my primary campaign. 151 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,873 - Hey, how's it going? - Well, with respect, ma'am, 152 00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:41,568 do you think anybody's gonna remember your primary campaign? 153 00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:42,986 Ooh. 154 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:47,782 In spite of your preface, I did not detect a whole lot of respect in that question. 155 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,786 You know, I meant that more as a slight against 156 00:06:51,869 --> 00:06:53,706 the power of recollection of the electorate 157 00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:56,208 and not as an attack on the potency of your campaign. 158 00:06:56,292 --> 00:06:58,127 Well, why didn't you say that, then? 159 00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:01,755 Oh, because you have the social skills of someone who was raised by wolves. 160 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:06,884 Oh, and pump up China as a trading partner. We gotta keep nudging that one along. 161 00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,096 I gotta get back to the white house. 162 00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:10,973 God, I love saying that. 163 00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:14,601 Well, god bless the president, you know. 164 00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:19,355 I mean, he's really a great man, but he is busting my fucking lady balls here. 165 00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:22,442 And pump up China? 166 00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:24,694 Is that some sort of dig about chung? 167 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,340 Okay, so I guess we're not going home. 168 00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,575 - Yeah. Sue? We're staying. - Yep. 169 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:32,703 Whew. 170 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:38,291 - Amy: Did you have a good Saturday night? - It was okay. 171 00:07:38,374 --> 00:07:40,419 My zipper on my leviathan broke, 172 00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:42,795 so I had to drive around trying to find a replacement. 173 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,964 - What did you do? - You know what I did? 174 00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:48,343 Iwent to bed at 7:00 pm. 7:00 pm. On a Saturday night. 175 00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,888 Even people who are dying of malaria stay up later than that. 176 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,698 Well, they can't sleep because they're coughing. 177 00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:55,308 Hi, guys. I'm all set. I'll be there in just a second. 178 00:07:55,516 --> 00:07:56,827 - Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah. - All right. 179 00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,478 I gotta go, but you know what? 180 00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:00,915 Hang out here as long as you like and I'll call you aftennards, okay? 181 00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:03,918 Man: Can't I just leave now with you? Selina: No, I don't want them to see you. 182 00:08:03,942 --> 00:08:05,170 All these extra rules, it's kind of weird. 183 00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:07,196 I know, but I am the vice president. 184 00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:08,988 Man: Oh, yes, you are. 185 00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:13,034 Hearing you say that gives me a massive hard-on. 186 00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:15,745 Selina: Oh, I am the vice president. 187 00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:19,583 Oh, baby, I'm ready to launch. 188 00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:22,586 And I'm ready to eat you up. 189 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,481 Man: Oh, second breakfast. I didn't know you had it in you. 190 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,300 Selina: Oh, god. Oh, I want it in me. 191 00:08:28,384 --> 00:08:29,510 - All right. - Selina: Bye. 192 00:08:29,593 --> 00:08:31,595 Yeah. I'm gonna watch your ass move. 193 00:08:32,096 --> 00:08:33,137 - (Chuckles) - Yeah. 194 00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:34,681 - Selina: Hi, you guys. - Hey. 195 00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:37,434 - You look pretty. - Oh, thank you. 196 00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:39,520 - How are you guys? - Great. 197 00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:42,189 - All set? You got everything? - Oh, yes. 198 00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:45,401 - I just have to get my stuff. - How was your Saturday night? 199 00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:46,693 Um, it was fine. 200 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,444 - Here, I'll get that. - Thank you. 201 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,367 - Mike! - Oh, hey. 202 00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:56,285 I was just visualizing you kicking ass on meet the press. 203 00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:58,913 Why are you so tired? You don't do anything. 204 00:08:58,996 --> 00:09:00,331 (Sirens blaring) 205 00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:05,628 Here's the research Scott pulled on chung. 206 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,256 Check out page one. 207 00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:11,384 He was born back in China before his dad got his citizenship, 208 00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:14,095 so he can't be president or vice president. 209 00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:17,474 Really? Well, that's good news. 210 00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:19,619 - More good news for meet the press. - Oh, yeah? 211 00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:21,185 - David Gregory is ill. - (Gasps) 212 00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:24,648 - Sam Finnegan is the fill-in. - Selina: Ho, ho, a virgin. 213 00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:27,692 Oh, god, I'm gonna eat him up. 214 00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:28,943 (Sighs) 215 00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:30,612 What? 216 00:09:30,696 --> 00:09:34,031 - Well, that changes the sports stuff. - Mike: No panic. 217 00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:36,910 We'll just change the redskins to whatever Finnegan's team is. 218 00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:37,995 What is Finnegan's team? 219 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,556 I'm pretty sure he's a bears fan. It doesn't matter. 220 00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,582 - Mike, you're pretty sure? - Pretty sure? 221 00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:42,958 Exactly. That doesn't help. 222 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:44,936 It doesn't matter because you're gonna talk about the ravens. 223 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:46,336 I know that I'm a ravens fan, 224 00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:50,339 but, like, what if Finnegan is a ravens fan, too, you know? 225 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,091 A team can't play itself, can it? 226 00:09:52,468 --> 00:09:54,011 You can in video games. 227 00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:59,432 Some people say your immigration policy is at odds with yourjobs program. 228 00:09:59,515 --> 00:10:00,892 How would you respond to that? 229 00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,894 Well, I would respond like this. 230 00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:06,482 I would say that the economy has changed a great deal 231 00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:08,274 since I made those statements 232 00:10:08,357 --> 00:10:13,906 and the president and I agree that Americans have to come first. 233 00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:15,866 That's my girl. Olympic-style back flip. 234 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:18,159 And I believe very strongly... 235 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:21,205 - That's sweat. That's lip sweat. - That's shimmer. 236 00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:25,082 You haven't spoken much today about the senate filibuster reform. 237 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:26,293 Well, I'll say this, 238 00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:30,464 in order to reform, you have to perform. 239 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,341 She got filibuster in! 240 00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:34,218 Just waiting for Jonah. Here he is. 241 00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:35,552 Oh, yeah? 242 00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:37,429 Hello, penis enlargement clinic. 243 00:10:37,513 --> 00:10:39,765 Mike, who is incompetent, you or her? 244 00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:42,142 Because she just talked about filibuster reform. 245 00:10:42,226 --> 00:10:43,268 He asked her. 246 00:10:43,352 --> 00:10:47,396 My message is simple, my message is this. Yes. 247 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,483 - Thank you, madam vice president. - Absolutely. 248 00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:51,610 Sam, I just have to ask you, you're a bears fan. 249 00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,111 - Is that right? - Guilty. 250 00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:55,131 - She do the sports yet? - She's doing it now. 251 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,908 We're not nervous at all. With flacco, forget about it. 252 00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:00,493 I'll bet you a beer that we win by a td. 253 00:11:00,576 --> 00:11:02,996 What about ray rice? Hell of a lead runner. 254 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,288 (Laughs) 255 00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:06,332 Ray rice, ray rice, ray... 256 00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:09,669 Well, he... ray rice, he play nice. 257 00:11:10,087 --> 00:11:11,338 Ooh. 258 00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,024 - Sam: Vice president. - Thank you so much. 259 00:11:13,048 --> 00:11:17,803 We'll be back next week, because if it's Sunday, it's meet the press. 260 00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:18,929 (Music playing) 261 00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:23,015 Will you be watching Danny chung on face the nation? 262 00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:26,436 Uh, you know, I would, but I've got a game of solitaire going on, 263 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:27,937 so I think I'll give that a skip. 264 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:31,316 Long-term beltway money's on him as presidential material. 265 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:32,775 Oh, really? 266 00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:36,237 Well, I'd be surprised because technically he's not an American. 267 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,283 I mean, because he wasn't, um, born here, 268 00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:42,994 you know, not because he's half... 269 00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:44,537 (Stammering) 270 00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,015 - 'Cause his parents... - Well, I've gotta go. 271 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,879 - Okay. - But it was a pleasure talking to you. 272 00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:50,042 Thank you so much. Did you get it? 273 00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:51,460 - I got it. - Oh... 274 00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:56,219 Listen, they wouldn't have recorded that, right? 275 00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,236 I mean, I had the mic on, but I don't think it was hot. 276 00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:00,196 - Do you think that it was on? - I hope to god they didn't. 277 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:04,223 I didn't say he was bad because he's part Chinese. 278 00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:06,059 - No, no. - It's not bad to be Chinese. 279 00:12:06,143 --> 00:12:07,853 Can you go speak to the sound guy? 280 00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:09,956 I can't do it because it'll make it look like a thing. 281 00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:11,732 I don't wanna make it look like a thing, 282 00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,483 - so maybe I can... - I'll do it. 283 00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:14,902 No, no, no. Gary, Gary, Gary. 284 00:12:14,985 --> 00:12:16,736 - Gary, come. - I'll do it. 285 00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:19,072 I think actually he should go talk to the sound guy. 286 00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:20,782 - Yeah. - Okay. 287 00:12:20,866 --> 00:12:22,427 Do you have any ideas on what I should say? 288 00:12:22,451 --> 00:12:24,243 You offered to do this. What was your plan? 289 00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:25,471 That was my plan, was to go over there, 290 00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,015 walk over there, I just need some ideas on what to say. 291 00:12:27,039 --> 00:12:29,249 Gary, just give it a light touch. 292 00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:31,335 - No import to it. - Okay. 293 00:12:31,835 --> 00:12:33,836 - What does that mean? - Just talk to him 294 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,423 like working guy to working guy. 295 00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:37,633 - It's casual. - Got it. 296 00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:39,384 Mano a mano. 297 00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:41,428 - Jesus Christ. - Okay. 298 00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:45,515 Even in Spanish, you know, it doesn't sound like it's gonna work. 299 00:12:46,016 --> 00:12:48,226 It totally might have just been me, 300 00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:53,023 but kind of, didn't it sound a little glitchy in the end or anything like that? 301 00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:56,360 - You saying I can't do my job? - No. Oh, god, no. 302 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,444 It's bad? 303 00:12:57,527 --> 00:13:00,112 Well, he just went from a smiley guy to a frown-y guy. 304 00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:03,407 I just need to know if everything's okay, you know. 305 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:06,369 Working guy to working guy, you know. 306 00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:08,996 - Listen, working girl. - Okay. 307 00:13:09,081 --> 00:13:11,457 Yeah. I didn't hear any glitches. 308 00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:15,420 All I heard was the sound of a fuck-up, okay? 309 00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:18,256 - Sending Gary over there was crazy. - Yeah. 310 00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:20,180 - He was completely out of his element. - Yeah. 311 00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:21,843 I agree. I agree. 312 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,156 Hey, we're getting some press interest in this already. 313 00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:26,932 - Oh, god. - Where? Where? 314 00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:28,934 It's still non-narrative. No momentum yet. 315 00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:31,620 Ma'am, I thought you might want me in the office, given the circumstances. 316 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,790 - How do you know about the circumstances? - Well, I'm sue. 317 00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:35,124 It's my job to know everything, Amy. 318 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,417 So it's definitely out there, out there? 319 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:38,235 No, no, it's not out there, out there. 320 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,421 I heard about it, Dan, so it sort of is out there, out there, 321 00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:41,989 that's why I'm in here, in here, Dan. 322 00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:44,950 - Jonah's coming. Jonah's coming. - Fuck! All right, what do I do? 323 00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:47,386 What if he doesn't know that it's not definitely out there, out there? 324 00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:48,452 Should I tell him that? 325 00:13:48,537 --> 00:13:50,222 You don't wanna give a loaded gun to that walking silo. 326 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:53,249 - Don't make it a thing until it's a thing. - Do you have any... 327 00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:54,584 Bad news, everyone. 328 00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:57,230 - This hasn't hit the mainstream media yet... - It was out of context. 329 00:13:57,254 --> 00:14:00,340 But a crane has collapsed onto a ship at Portsmouth, Virginia. 330 00:14:00,424 --> 00:14:03,467 Oh, thank... god, how horrible. 331 00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:05,095 Wait, what was out of context? 332 00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:08,723 Um, we thought you were gonna give me shit about filibuster reform. 333 00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:11,809 Oh, well, the white house is very much under the moon about that, 334 00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:13,437 but let's reboot. 335 00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:15,647 The president is stuck in economic talks. 336 00:14:15,731 --> 00:14:17,858 - We need a vpvp. - A what? 337 00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:19,693 A vice presidential visual presence. 338 00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:21,336 You can't just make up acronyms, Jonah. 339 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,155 - Somebody has to, Mike. - No, they don't. 340 00:14:23,238 --> 00:14:25,407 Okay, well, then, we should head on down there. 341 00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:28,010 Let's get the ball rolling. Let's get there as soon as possible. 342 00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,411 Amy: Yeah. We've got it handled. 343 00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:31,913 Oh, Jonah, that's a good look for you. 344 00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:33,832 What do you call that? Bi-casual? 345 00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:35,624 Thanks, Mike, but it's Sunday. 346 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,170 Iwork hard, lwork fast, and I get hot legs. 347 00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:39,587 I say let the whale hang loose. 348 00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:41,506 - Who am I offending? - Show of hands. 349 00:14:41,590 --> 00:14:43,050 Right here. 350 00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:47,596 Okay, well, I think that worked out pretty good. 351 00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:48,972 - (All sigh) - Just confirmed. 352 00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:51,558 Two fatalities, 24 injured so far. 353 00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:53,727 I didn't mean it like that. 354 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:57,438 Dan, we're going to a hospital. Do you have a suit that you can change into? 355 00:14:57,647 --> 00:14:59,732 - I have five. - Okay. 356 00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:02,652 Do you have something that could fit the mclintock shape? 357 00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:04,196 That's not a Santa suit? 358 00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:05,489 I got something. 359 00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:10,327 We're going to a hospital. We're not going trick-or-treating. 360 00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:12,370 (Sirens blaring) 361 00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:19,103 Hi, Ashley. Mike mclintock, vice president's office. 362 00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:20,669 - Oh, hi. - Madam vice president... 363 00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,314 - Yes. - This is Ashley, the hospital administrator. 364 00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,424 - Ashley. - Thank you so much for coming. 365 00:15:24,508 --> 00:15:26,986 - It really means a lot. Thank you. - Well, let me tell you something, 366 00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:29,781 being here for the American people is one of the privileges of this job. 367 00:15:29,805 --> 00:15:31,473 - It's a sad privilege, of course. - Yes. 368 00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:33,517 But it's a privilege nonetheless. 369 00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:36,102 Ma'am, I don't know if all these people are bereaving, 370 00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:38,146 - so just converse generally, okay? - Right. 371 00:15:38,230 --> 00:15:40,272 Converse generally? What about? The weather? 372 00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:41,565 Not about the weather. 373 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:44,027 - It is unseasonably warm, though, okay? - Mmm-hmm. 374 00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:46,529 So, madam vice president, if you'll just come with me, 375 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,489 I'll show you to some of our families. 376 00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:51,075 Oh, well, however I can be of service. How do you do, sir? 377 00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:53,119 Oh, my goodness, you got so hurt. 378 00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:55,539 - Well, it's a great hospital, isn't it? - Yes, ma'am. 379 00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:57,081 Oh, dear, look at your neck. 380 00:15:57,414 --> 00:15:59,459 Hi, sir. Don't turn your head. 381 00:15:59,543 --> 00:16:01,303 I'll give you a little squeeze on your hand. 382 00:16:01,545 --> 00:16:04,214 - Well, you seem just fine. - I'm not really. 383 00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:06,423 - Internal. - Internal. Hmm. 384 00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:10,595 Ashley: This is a family. They're waiting to hear about their son. 385 00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:12,490 Hold on. No, no, not yet. This is a private moment. 386 00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:13,597 This is not a photo op. 387 00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:16,476 - It's amazing how the world changes. - Mmm. 388 00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:20,313 One minute, you're enjoying this amazing sunshine... 389 00:16:20,397 --> 00:16:22,774 Well, it's unseasonably warm. 390 00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:26,820 And the next, your whole world's gone to pieces. 391 00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:28,988 - Oh, gosh. - This is his surgeon. 392 00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:31,116 - How do you do, sir? - Dr. Greybear. 393 00:16:31,199 --> 00:16:32,909 Any news, doctor, about our son? 394 00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:34,473 - Sam's going to make it. - (All gasp) 395 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:39,040 Okay, guys, I got a little sound bite for y'all to nibble on right here. 396 00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:41,501 - Oh, that is just fantastic. - Mike: Very good. 397 00:16:41,585 --> 00:16:44,045 - Doctor, we appreciate your hard work. - Mike: Good news. 398 00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:46,506 I just wanna say how grateful we are 399 00:16:46,590 --> 00:16:50,719 to all of our most capable doctors and nurses. 400 00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:52,262 So grateful. 401 00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:55,514 And I'd also like to say if, for some reason, 402 00:16:55,598 --> 00:17:00,103 we find out that there was negligence that caused this accident, 403 00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:02,647 those who are responsible 404 00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:06,775 are gonna have the white house to answer to. 405 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:07,861 That's right. 406 00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:10,446 Woman: Thank you for being here, madam vice president. 407 00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:13,283 - You are a good woman. - Yeah! 408 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,659 And you're not afraid to say what's on your mind. 409 00:17:15,784 --> 00:17:16,786 Reporter: Danny chung... 410 00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:20,582 I always try to speak as honestly as I can. 411 00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:22,876 Woman: I heard what you said about those people. 412 00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:25,212 - You'd get my vote. - And my vote. 413 00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:27,175 Selina: 'Cause technically he's not an American. 414 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:28,590 I mean... 415 00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:31,676 They're taking over our ports. It's like they've invaded us. 416 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:35,055 Yeah, and now they think they can be president? No way! 417 00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:37,389 Come on, this is the white house, not the yellow house. 418 00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:38,891 Come on, selina! 419 00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:40,185 (Cheering) 420 00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:43,480 (Chanting) Usa! Usa! Usa! 421 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:47,233 Usa! Usa! Usa! 422 00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:50,069 You have to get chung on the phone right away, Amy. 423 00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:52,112 - Shut this thing down, Amy. - Yeah, dialing now. 424 00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:54,324 - Here, he's picking up. - What? I... 425 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,410 Oh, hello. Hi. Yes, I have the vice president for you. 426 00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:02,289 Governor? Hi. How are you? 427 00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:06,335 I don't... I don't know if you saw the footage today 428 00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:09,129 from meet the press, 429 00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:15,011 but, you know, that is not what I meant and it certainly isn't what I think. 430 00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:16,739 - Gary, the belt can wait. - Let's just put it this way... 431 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,014 What I was trying to say was... 432 00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:21,810 Jesus Christ! Oh, my god! 433 00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:23,853 God. 434 00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:26,773 Gary, that was my fucking flesh that you just... 435 00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:28,775 - Hello? - Trapped in there. 436 00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:30,790 - Voice mail. Keep trying. - I'm so sorry. 437 00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:34,363 - All right, that's enough. - Okay. 438 00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:37,575 All I am saying is that if senator Doyle pulls that meeting, 439 00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:41,287 there is not gonna be a lot of availability for a while. 440 00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:44,248 Jennifer, quite frankly, I had more windows in my first apartment 441 00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:46,500 than the vp currently has in her schedule. 442 00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:48,336 - What's going on? - Well, you know what? 443 00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:50,088 If governor chung doesn't call back, 444 00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:52,673 I can just take him down for disrespecting the office. 445 00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:53,925 - How about that? - Yes. 446 00:18:54,009 --> 00:18:56,344 We just lost the numbers on filibuster reform. 447 00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,137 - What did you just say? - Yeah, yeah. 448 00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:00,848 Senator Doyle has just withdrawn his support. 449 00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,851 Something Amy said at chung's book launch. 450 00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:06,604 He was still upset about clean jobs, which is on you, Dan, 451 00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:08,374 because you put Sidney purcell on the task force. 452 00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:10,733 Oh, sure! You know what? I blame George Washington. 453 00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:13,254 If he hadn't started this whole form of government, then we wouldn't... 454 00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:15,279 Okay. Okay, stop squabbling! 455 00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:18,491 What am I supposed to do now? Tell me that. 456 00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:21,911 I'm supposed to call Doyle and beg him to come back? 457 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:25,420 I'm the vice president of the United States, you stupid little fuckers! 458 00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:28,709 These people should be begging me! 459 00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:30,502 That door should be half its height 460 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,466 so that people can only approach me in my office 461 00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:34,090 on their goddamn motherfucking knees. 462 00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:37,844 I can't lose Doyle. Who else has a bucketful of senators? 463 00:19:37,927 --> 00:19:40,179 Cut Doyle loose, all right? Call his bluff. 464 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,849 We reach across the aisle to the immigration reform caucus. 465 00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:44,225 - What? - You want to break out 466 00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:45,745 the white, pointy hoods, too, ma'am? 467 00:19:45,769 --> 00:19:47,936 Look, we throw them a few commitments to their cause 468 00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:51,232 in exchange for support on filibuster reform. This is easy. 469 00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:52,752 Once you go down that dark country road, 470 00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,712 the lights go out and the scarecrows come to life. 471 00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:56,446 Yeah, anyone hear the banjo music? 472 00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:57,923 Look, Mike, that's what you always hear 473 00:19:57,947 --> 00:20:00,009 because mentally you're in a fucking hammock on a back porch. 474 00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,700 Dan, this isn't fantasy politics. 475 00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:03,202 Stop it! Stop it! 476 00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:05,538 This is a win for you on senate reform 477 00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:08,958 and it's also another big win for you with the president on immigration, all right? 478 00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:10,085 Win big, win big. 479 00:20:11,169 --> 00:20:13,962 I don't know, maybe you and Dan should go down and talk to... 480 00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:16,174 God damn it... 481 00:20:16,257 --> 00:20:17,384 The senator from Arizona. 482 00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:19,844 The one who wants to random search people in ponchos? 483 00:20:20,303 --> 00:20:21,846 - Oh, bill. - O'brien. Yeah. 484 00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:25,057 Yeah. He's got a lot of sway with the pro-Caucasian caucus. 485 00:20:25,140 --> 00:20:28,977 All right, so we get o'brien, who brings us mccaulay and cunliffe. 486 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,580 Is mccaulay the one with the nose hair problem 487 00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:32,324 like he's got two raccoons in his nostrils? 488 00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:35,860 That's seven to Doyle's five. I mean, this is a filibuster slam dunk. 489 00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:37,821 - Chung is on TV live. - What? 490 00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:39,423 - Get it on. Get it on. - Where's the remote? 491 00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:41,324 It's in the bowl. The remote's in the bowl. 492 00:20:42,117 --> 00:20:43,242 Sue, where's the clicker? 493 00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:46,413 - Where's the clicker? - Guys, it's in the credenza. 494 00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:47,789 Get it. Quick, quick, quick. 495 00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:49,749 - What channel? Channel? - Any live TV. 496 00:20:49,833 --> 00:20:51,584 Mike... no, Mike. Don't touch that remote. 497 00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:53,753 You're gonna launch a nuke or something. Sue? 498 00:20:53,837 --> 00:20:57,005 Reporter: A few brief words about the comments that were made earlier today. 499 00:20:57,089 --> 00:21:00,468 Despite what is said in some dark corners of the Internet, 500 00:21:00,552 --> 00:21:05,681 when I was born, both my parents were fully naturalized American citizens. 501 00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:08,017 What? He's captain fucking america? 502 00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:10,186 - What's happening here? Good job, Amy. - It's not... 503 00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:13,731 That is not the information I was given by Scott. 504 00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:15,525 A quiet word with one of her staff 505 00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:18,235 regarding the thoroughness of their research techniques. 506 00:21:18,318 --> 00:21:20,880 Dan: What did Scott use as a research tool, the fucking drudge report? 507 00:21:20,904 --> 00:21:22,740 Second-generation Chinese-American... 508 00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:24,283 Mike: That and bathroom walls. 509 00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:26,137 Proud enough to risk my life for this country. 510 00:21:26,161 --> 00:21:27,829 I've got a purple heart on my chest, 511 00:21:27,912 --> 00:21:31,791 but the one that beats inside of me is red, white, and blue. 512 00:21:31,875 --> 00:21:33,917 No, he didn't. He didn't say that. 513 00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:35,295 He is seizing his moment. 514 00:21:35,378 --> 00:21:37,578 And that's why this is the greatest country on earth. 515 00:21:37,838 --> 00:21:40,425 I am gonna throw up a leg. 516 00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:45,095 And then I'm gonna take that leg and I'm gonna beat Scott to death with it. 517 00:21:45,180 --> 00:21:46,473 - Scott! - Ah! 518 00:21:46,930 --> 00:21:51,101 I'm gonna go draft a letter of apology to the king of Minnesota, governor chung. 519 00:21:51,394 --> 00:21:52,538 Selina: Here's what we're gonna do. 520 00:21:52,562 --> 00:21:56,483 Mike, big fat apology to chung, Amy, fuck Doyle. 521 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:58,610 I want this bill. 522 00:21:58,693 --> 00:22:02,488 You guys talk to o'brien and get that border caucus. 523 00:22:02,571 --> 00:22:06,325 Amy, put on your dancing shoes and head for the border right now. 524 00:22:06,910 --> 00:22:08,620 - Go on. - No, I'm not doing it. 525 00:22:08,703 --> 00:22:10,079 Get a move on. 526 00:22:10,538 --> 00:22:11,623 (Sighs) 527 00:22:13,081 --> 00:22:14,625 This is them. 528 00:22:14,708 --> 00:22:16,043 Here we go. 529 00:22:17,211 --> 00:22:18,754 Hi, senator o'brien. I'm Dan egan. 530 00:22:18,837 --> 00:22:20,691 We spoke on the phone. A pleasure to meet you, sir. 531 00:22:20,715 --> 00:22:24,343 Well, I have no idea who you are, so I don't know whether it's a pleasure or not. 532 00:22:26,095 --> 00:22:27,931 - Okay. - This is Jack. 533 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:29,933 -Hi, Jack. 534 00:22:30,016 --> 00:22:31,936 Amy brookheimer, vice president's chief of staff. 535 00:22:32,101 --> 00:22:33,269 Chief? 536 00:22:33,478 --> 00:22:34,687 Shouldn't that be chiefess? 537 00:22:34,771 --> 00:22:35,772 (Laughs) 538 00:22:35,897 --> 00:22:39,441 - Relax, missy. I'm just yanking your chain. - Absolutely. 539 00:22:39,858 --> 00:22:40,860 (Grunts) 540 00:22:41,277 --> 00:22:44,989 - This place looks nice, huh? - Looks like they do a mighty fine plate of ribs, 541 00:22:45,073 --> 00:22:47,115 but before we do any ordering, 542 00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:51,246 I'd like to know if you're going to offend us with some chicken-shit deal 543 00:22:51,329 --> 00:22:53,872 that means we have to leave before the food comes. 544 00:22:55,041 --> 00:22:56,208 You're fine to order. 545 00:22:57,543 --> 00:22:59,254 I feel so horrible. 546 00:22:59,337 --> 00:23:02,215 You know, it's like I've ordered a hit on somebody. 547 00:23:02,298 --> 00:23:05,551 I'm just waiting for the call to say that it's done. 548 00:23:05,634 --> 00:23:06,969 It's done. 549 00:23:08,471 --> 00:23:11,098 Do you want a glass of wine? You want some water? 550 00:23:11,432 --> 00:23:12,576 - You want some hand sanitizer? - I want quiet. 551 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:13,601 Quiet. 552 00:23:13,935 --> 00:23:18,021 So long, Scott. You are professionally dead. Have a nice evening. 553 00:23:18,439 --> 00:23:20,775 Up here on the eastern seaboard, 554 00:23:21,150 --> 00:23:24,612 it's easy to forget what a big slice of our country 555 00:23:24,696 --> 00:23:28,825 rubs shoulders with a failed state by the name of Mexico. 556 00:23:30,493 --> 00:23:34,580 Now, if you had bad neighbors who came into your yard every night 557 00:23:34,663 --> 00:23:39,376 to crap a butt-full of drugs and beans on your flowers, 558 00:23:40,544 --> 00:23:42,255 you might think about building a fence. 559 00:23:42,338 --> 00:23:44,548 You're not gonna get a border fence, all right? 560 00:23:45,008 --> 00:23:47,051 You're talking about a 3,000-mile-long fence. 561 00:23:47,135 --> 00:23:48,362 Great for the construction industry. 562 00:23:48,386 --> 00:23:50,805 Yeah, but ironically, the only affordable option 563 00:23:50,888 --> 00:23:52,140 would be immigrant labor. 564 00:23:52,223 --> 00:23:55,142 Well, my constituents are fed up 565 00:23:55,226 --> 00:23:57,645 with feeling outnumbered in their own country. 566 00:23:57,729 --> 00:24:00,606 Fellas, we shouldn't have a problem 567 00:24:00,689 --> 00:24:04,193 working to preserve a certain kind of American identity. 568 00:24:04,944 --> 00:24:06,029 Yes. 569 00:24:06,613 --> 00:24:08,489 Now you keep talking like that, sweetheart, 570 00:24:08,573 --> 00:24:10,699 and we'll be having cigars at the end of this dinner. 571 00:24:11,034 --> 00:24:12,160 Just not Cuban ones. 572 00:24:12,243 --> 00:24:13,328 (Laughs) 573 00:24:14,995 --> 00:24:16,164 Hey. 574 00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:17,999 Oh, my god, 575 00:24:18,082 --> 00:24:21,002 - I am having the shittiest day. - Yeah? 576 00:24:21,085 --> 00:24:22,962 You got anything to make me feel better? 577 00:24:23,046 --> 00:24:24,339 Idoindeed. 578 00:24:24,881 --> 00:24:26,257 - What is it? - Well... 579 00:24:26,341 --> 00:24:29,677 It's about seven inches, hangs between my legs... 580 00:24:30,053 --> 00:24:31,054 (Laughs) 581 00:24:31,679 --> 00:24:32,721 The thing. 582 00:24:33,221 --> 00:24:34,931 I like to call him sergeant Ted. 583 00:24:35,015 --> 00:24:37,976 Okay, well, you tell sergeant Ted 584 00:24:38,060 --> 00:24:40,646 I would like him very much 585 00:24:41,396 --> 00:24:44,900 to drill me in my oval office. 586 00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:48,779 In fact, I need him to put the finger on the button 587 00:24:49,571 --> 00:24:52,366 and come into my Rose garden. 588 00:24:52,699 --> 00:24:54,911 The sergeant is standing at attention. 589 00:24:54,994 --> 00:24:59,331 You know what, I'm coming over there, like, right away. 590 00:24:59,414 --> 00:25:01,167 Uh, you know, when you come over, 591 00:25:01,250 --> 00:25:03,127 can you try and sneak in incognito? 592 00:25:03,211 --> 00:25:06,506 I got Korean neighbors and I don't think they'd like the idea of me dating you. 593 00:25:06,589 --> 00:25:08,229 Is that some kind of a joke or something? 594 00:25:08,299 --> 00:25:10,342 It's not funny at all. Fuck off, Ted. 595 00:25:10,425 --> 00:25:12,065 I mean, I don't know why you would say... 596 00:25:17,266 --> 00:25:19,059 - You were on the phone? - Mmm-hmm. 597 00:25:19,142 --> 00:25:21,896 - Oh, I didn't hear anything. - You better not have heard anything. 598 00:25:21,979 --> 00:25:23,356 I didn't say anything. 599 00:25:23,731 --> 00:25:24,899 Oh, my god. 600 00:25:26,109 --> 00:25:28,528 Oh, for fuck sakes. Hey, Jonah. 601 00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:29,945 What happened to your hot pants? 602 00:25:30,028 --> 00:25:32,280 Oh, the hot pants picked up some negative traction. 603 00:25:32,364 --> 00:25:34,574 I realize now they're unbecoming of my office. 604 00:25:34,658 --> 00:25:37,202 I'm just coming in to see if the misunderstanding 605 00:25:37,285 --> 00:25:38,597 with governor chung has been resolved. 606 00:25:38,621 --> 00:25:42,709 - Yeah. It's all fine and dandy and fabulous. - Excellent. 607 00:25:42,792 --> 00:25:45,294 Well, then, I'm gonna go enjoy what's left of my Sunday. 608 00:25:45,378 --> 00:25:47,618 I got the latest Grisham on the go and it's just awesome. 609 00:25:47,672 --> 00:25:48,673 You should read... 610 00:25:49,048 --> 00:25:50,465 As well as the funding request, 611 00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:53,385 we can offer a commitment that the vice president will oppose immunity 612 00:25:53,468 --> 00:25:57,515 for any illegal immigrants who have been here for more than five years. 613 00:25:57,598 --> 00:26:01,394 Well, now you're singing a tune that we may dance to. 614 00:26:01,853 --> 00:26:03,788 - Well, we just... - And she will lobby the president 615 00:26:03,812 --> 00:26:05,981 and express public support for your position. 616 00:26:07,734 --> 00:26:09,735 All right, I'm going home. 617 00:26:10,652 --> 00:26:12,447 I'm getting fucked every which way. 618 00:26:12,530 --> 00:26:14,907 - Sue, did the president call? - No. 619 00:26:15,158 --> 00:26:19,203 If you can deliver that, I will appear to love filibuster reform 620 00:26:19,287 --> 00:26:22,248 as much as I appear to love my idiot son. 621 00:26:22,331 --> 00:26:23,875 And for my wife's sake, 622 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:27,085 I appear to love that wretched shitnit a lot. 623 00:26:27,169 --> 00:26:28,379 (Laughs) 624 00:26:29,464 --> 00:26:31,048 Good night. Let's go, Jack. 625 00:26:31,132 --> 00:26:34,260 Good to see you guys could learn a new word today, compromise. 626 00:26:34,343 --> 00:26:36,804 What do you say? Meet me halfway? 627 00:26:40,183 --> 00:26:41,184 (Laughs) 628 00:26:44,394 --> 00:26:45,395 Whew! 629 00:26:45,730 --> 00:26:47,482 I'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight. 630 00:26:47,565 --> 00:26:48,733 That was fucking dark. 631 00:26:48,816 --> 00:26:50,835 You've gone up 10 levels in my estimation, by the way. 632 00:26:50,859 --> 00:26:52,695 Which means I've gone down 100 in my own. 633 00:26:52,779 --> 00:26:55,531 Sometimes you've gotta go down to go up. 634 00:26:57,074 --> 00:26:58,701 I am taking the credit for this. 635 00:26:58,785 --> 00:27:00,345 I tunnelled through the shit, I get the dirty glory. 636 00:27:00,369 --> 00:27:01,969 It is me who tells selina the good news. 637 00:27:06,667 --> 00:27:08,252 Where is the vice president? 638 00:27:08,336 --> 00:27:11,047 - She has gone home for the evening. - Why? 639 00:27:11,589 --> 00:27:14,383 (Something about ..Getting fucked every which way)- 640 00:27:14,467 --> 00:27:15,467 direct quote. 641 00:27:15,550 --> 00:27:17,470 Oh, god, yeah. I heard something on the phone. 642 00:27:17,553 --> 00:27:19,096 Oh, god. Oh, god. 643 00:27:19,180 --> 00:27:21,641 How many times can she be underneath that? 644 00:27:22,391 --> 00:27:25,186 She's got such a little body and he seemed like a big man. 645 00:27:25,269 --> 00:27:26,686 Who? Who's he? 646 00:27:26,770 --> 00:27:29,524 Hey, hey, somebody talk about something else? Anything. 647 00:27:29,607 --> 00:27:31,001 Yeah, I gotta get these images out of my head. 648 00:27:31,025 --> 00:27:33,754 Can we talk about, I don't know, our favorite band or something, please? 649 00:27:33,778 --> 00:27:36,613 Yes. Who else are you into, Mike, apart from the eagles? 650 00:27:36,696 --> 00:27:37,698 Grateful dead. 651 00:27:38,241 --> 00:27:40,441 That's the name of your favorite whorehouse, too, right? 652 00:27:40,534 --> 00:27:42,745 Can't wait to get home and burn my clothes. 653 00:27:42,995 --> 00:27:44,580 Don't fuck up that suit, Mike. 654 00:27:45,748 --> 00:27:47,834 - All right, good night, sue. - Good night, Gary. 655 00:27:47,917 --> 00:27:49,501 Good night, Dan. 656 00:27:49,752 --> 00:27:51,254 Jesus Christ. 657 00:27:53,965 --> 00:27:56,676 Dan, you have about 10 seconds to stop distracting me, 658 00:27:56,759 --> 00:27:58,862 or the next thing that they'll find at the back of that couch 659 00:27:58,886 --> 00:28:00,096 are your remains. 660 00:28:00,847 --> 00:28:03,033 If you like, I can go sit in the vice president's office. 661 00:28:03,057 --> 00:28:04,517 Excuse me?