You're tra vel/ng through another dimension.
A dimension not onl y of sightand sound, but of mind.
A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are tha t of ima Gina t/on.
Your next stop, the twilight zone.
Ooh!
Positions for inspection!
Come on, girls, step it up, step it up, girls. Don't loiter.
Small messa ge of rea ssura Noe to tha t horizontal young lad y.
Don't despa/r, help is en route.
It's coming in an odd form from a very distant place, but it's nonetheless coming.
You-you sent for me, chief?
Apprentice angel cavender,
it has come to our attention that you are the only angel of your class
not to have won your wings.
It has further come to our attention that you are a clod.
Before reclassifying you, we're going to give you one more chance.
Nice-looking girl, chief.
Precisely. And she will be your project.
You will return to earth and suppl y her aid,
assistance and advice for a period of 24 hours.
If you are able to improve her lot,
we will reopen your case.
You-you mean, chief, that I-I still have a chance of getting my wings?
It will be taken under advisement.
Actually, cavender, there seems to be considerable question
about the damage you can do with just arms and legs, not to mention your mouth.
Mm-hm.
Submitted for your approval the case of one miss Agnes grep
put on earth with two left feet, an overabundance of thumbs
and a propensity for falling down manholes.
In a moment, she will be up to her jaw in miracles
brought by apprentice angel harmon cavender,
intent on winning his wings.
And though it's a fact that both of them should have stood in bed,
they will tempt all the fates by moving into the cold, gray dawn of the twilight zone.
Come on, girls, step it up. Step it up, girls.
You're the new one?
Yes, sir, Mr. Stout.
And I would like to say I'm just thrilled with this job.
If you don't mind, miss grep.
Now, for the benefit of the new recruit,
I will go over very quickly the prescribed hand signals, indicating assignment position
and order of the day.
Pay close attention to this, miss grep. I will repeat it only once.
Very close attention, miss grep.
Now, the following are the position signals.
That means "spot girl, position in the middle of the lobby,"
giving customers prescribed directions as to seating arrangements,
such as "sta/rwa y to your right, " "aisle two straightahead,"
"seating in the loge." That means "30-minute break."
This is "c". That means "candy concession."
Tha t means "box office." Requests for drinks of wa ter
will be handled in the following manner.
I will respond thusl y or thusl y.
That means "shoot." This is "shoot aisle one," "shoot aisle two,"
"shoota/sle three." And this is "shoot the balcony"!
All right, girls? Readyfor toda y's assignment?
All right, now, rapaport,
betton, Burnett, and the rest of you, the same as yesterday.
All right now, positions! Go, girls!
Mr. Stout?
Um, there's immediate seating in the loging balcony.
Uh, you can smoke in the candy.
No, uh, there's lovely candy over...
Oh, sit anywhere.
Thank you.
Which aisle do they go? What do I do with these?
Mr. Stout? Mr. Stout!
Oh, my god.
What's the signal for "I'm sorry"?
Uh, don't panic, miss grep.
Please don't panic. If-if you'll give me just a moment, I can explain.
I almost missed the bus.
There used to be trolleys here, and then they took up the tracks.
I, uh, I happen to be your guardian angel.
Now, I know this might come to you as ra thera shock.
Used to cost a dime.
Yes, I know. As I was saying,
i-I've been given 24 hours to help you in every way possible,
and that doesn't preclude the use of miracles.
Oh, here, I'll hold them. Now it's a quarter.
Uh, what's a quarter?
The bus fare you pay.
Yes, I know. That's just my point, miss grep.
I didn't pay to get on this bus.
I'm an angel. I happen to be your angel.
Don't you worry about it.
I daydream a lot myself.
Miss grep, wouldn't you at least like to see a little miracle?
Like for example, instead of riding on this run-of-the-mill bus like everybodydoes,
how would you like to be riding in a flashy convertible with a chauffeur?
You're cute.
Watch this.
Now, once in a while, I may louse these things up,
but give mea second to concentra te and-and I think I'll make it.
I think I'm ready.
Whoops! I think I goofed.
Well, back in the bus.
When the supervisor comes to claim the bus,
tell him I've resigned.
Well, what have you got to say now?
Excuse me, this is my stop. It's been swell chatting with you.
Hiya, gang. What do you say?
Hi, aggie. You got candy today?
Have I got some candy. You close your eyes.
All right, here's one for you,
and here's one for you.
On this potato pancake stuff, how many eggs?
It's, uh, one egg and half an onion.
How's the job, agg/e?
It was, Irv. Past tense.
Ag, you didn't go lose another one?
Yup, lost another one. Plotzky's bijou of famous Hollywood hits.
Oh, I was great in reconnaissance and infiltration,
but I flunked close order drill.
Oh, aggie, I busted my cookie.
You busted your cookie? Well, you know doggone good and well
I have another cookie here for you, don't you?
Thank you.
You're welcome.
See you later, aggie.
Don't panic!
I know. Um, I thought I left you back there.
Oh, perish the thought, miss grep.
I am going to be with you for 24 hours.
Uh, 23 hours and 31 minutes, to be exact.
My dear miss grep,
I am here to change your life.
You know, this is a kind of an interesting place you have here.
I like it.
Yeah, well, uh, let's get down to business, shall we?
Now, in cases of this kind,
I try to examine the problems and then alleviate them.
Now, in your case, miss grep, it seems that you can't hold on to a job.
Would you like a cup of tea?
No. Now the way we attack this employment problem...
A beer?
No. Is to fix it so that you're independently wealthy
and don't even need employment.
Wine? I have some Sherry.
Miss grep, we are discussing the alteration of-of your entire future.
And I think we ought to dispense with these convivialities
and proceed to... Do you have any gin?
No, but I could run down to Mrs. Rianti's apartment. Her husband makes it.
No, thanks. I've had that kind.
Well, back to business, shall we?
Now, first of all, miss grep, I, uh, I don't think that...
I don't think you can live here.
No?
Well, hardly.
Let's see here. Oh, yes, here's a good one.
The Morgan mansion on Sutton place.
That's the last one of its kind in New York City.
Oh, a mansion? And how do I pay for this mansion?
My dear miss grep, there are all sorts of ways.
I am not that kind of girl!
Yes, I-I have no doubt. But as of this moment,
you are independently wealthy.
Now, let me see here. Oh, yes, savings account 6-6-1-0-3,
New York national bank.
Agnes grep. That's you.
$23,367 and 19 cents.
Nineteen?
Yeah, I hate round numbers.
Me, too.
Looks better that way. Now, about your social activities.
Well, I-I generally go bowling on Thursdays.
Bowling, schmowling. That may be okay for pinsetters,
but not for real society.
Whoops!
Oh, perfectly charming party, Agnes, my dear.
Why, I was talking to Tony about it.
You look ravishing, dear. Absolutely ravishing.
Oh, thank you very much.
Doesn't she?
Oh, yes.
All yours, my dear.
Agnes, cherie!
Unravel the flesh, will you?
My dear, you are exquisite, enchanting, delightful.
And I intend to notify Charlie that this was the high social point of the season.
Nobody can throw a party like you. Come along, my dear.
Now, this is what I call a miracle.
The best Martini I ever conjured.
How do you do? I've seen all of your movies
at least 60 or 70 times.
I think you're wonderful.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Mm. Sensa t/onnel, cher/e, coco.
A real blast, isn't it?
Yeah. Crazy.
Oh, are you all right? You're terribly stinky.
Lovely party, darling. I had a wonderful time. Come along.
Swell having you.
Lovely party, aggie.
Ravishing, darling, ravishing.
Yes, thank you.
Oh. Oh!
Oh, boy, what a blast.
Harmon, old buddy, you really outdid yourself.
Agnes!
My apartment.
It's been rented.
Yeah, I-I know.
My landlady, she didn't even know me.
She called me "miss."
And you know what Irv said to me?
Who's Irv?
My neighbor across the hall.
He came out to get the morning paper, and you know what he said?
He said, "what's with you, sister? You slumming?"
Well, miss grep, you know that old saying,
"you can't have your cake and also eat it."
Why, I-I mean, somebody's got to pay the Fiddler.
After all, you know and everybodyknows
that the-the whole philosophy of-of living
is a kind of a give-and-take thing.
And after all, when...
Well, what-what did you expect?
Oh, not much of anything, really.
Except...
Oh, except that...
Except what?
Friends, maybe.
Hey, Joe.
Pierre, Morgan mansion, Sutton place.
No Morgan mansion and no Sutton place.
How's that?
Mr. Cavender, I don't wanna go back there. I wanna stay right here.
You-you... why, that's ridiculous.
You can't stay here. 24 hours of miracles,
and I leave you the way I found you? Come on!
I-I'd never get my wings. I-I'd be drummed out.
I'd be reclassified. There's no telling where they'd send me.
Miss grep, didn't we have a wonderful time?
Don't you ha ve everything you al wa ys wanted now?
My dear miss grep,
my charming miss grep, don't you wanna be happy?
Mr. Cavender, you don't understand me. I was happy.
I want it the way it was.
The way it was? Unstable, unresolved and unemployed?
Disconnected, discombooberated and behind in my rent.
But that's for me. That and then
and the baby-sitting and the bowling
and the potato pancakes.
Mr. Cavender.
Please.
Well, okay, miss grep.
But i-/ think you're making an a wful mistake.
Are you sure?
Uh-huh.
Okay. Here we go.
Well, I-I tried, chief. Nobody can say I didn't try.
Hey, Joe, let me take it up to the riantis.
Oh, and Joe.
Hey, what do you say, ag?
Hi, herb, top of the morning. To you. Don't shoot till you see the whites of their eyes!
Oh, aggie, on this potato pancake stuff, how many eggs?
An even dozen. I'll be down in a minute.
Mrs. Rianti?
Hi, darlings. Listen, you all wait right down here.
I'll be down in two seconds flat with some candy and a cookie.
Come on, kids. Aggie'll be back in a minute.
Hey, Mr. Cavender? Thanks a heap.
But no thanks.
You know something, miss grep?
You are the richest woman I know.
You have an abundance of wealth.
And it seems that I've had to travel a very long distance
to find out that cash and contentment
aren't necessarily synonymous.
Well,
goodbye, miss grep.
And, uh, don't take any wooden angels, you hear?
Yeah-yeah, chief?
You wanna-you wanna talk to me
right away?
Yeah, I'll-I'll be right up.
Smoking cigars on assignment. Conduct unbecoming an angel.
Champagne-drinking. Gin and tonic drinking.
Gin fizz drinking. Gin on the rocks, extra dry martinis.
Inebriation.
And I could go on from there.
Cavender, you're a disgrace to the entire service.
Uh, I know it, sir.
I'm afraid you know what this means.
Reclassification, sir?
At least reclassification.
I hate to do this, cavender, I really do.
I-I understand, sir.
As a matter of fact, I...
Why, this is incredible. Wh-why, she's, she's...
Happy. Just look at her, sir.
Why, she's six times happier than the way I found her.
She's deliriously and totally happy.
Well, I don't see how that could be.
But she is. Just-just look at her. You see what she's doing, sir?
What is that?
She's bowling. She goes bowling every Thursday night.
Are you supposed to keep your finger in the ball
after it starts down the Lane?
No, sir, I don't think she's quite got the hang of it, yet, sir.
Ooh, I-I hope she didn't hurt herself.
Well, ca vender, it seems tha t I've been prema ture in my judgment.
Your assignment was to make her happy, and that's precisely the way she is,
so there's very little room for doubt about your...
Go on, sir, I'm all ears.
I noticed. I think under the circumstances, cavender,
since you've done so very well with that subject,
it occurs to me tha t there are other deserv/ng subjects down there
who might require a little angelic assistance from time to time.
Each one of them will be your project.
Oh, oh, oh, thank you, thank you, sir.
In a strange way, I feel rather sorry for them.
Thank you. Thank you.
A word to the wise now to anyand all
who might suddenl y feel the presence of a cigar-smoking helpma te
who takes bankbooks out of thin air.
If you're suddenl ya ware of any such celest/al aids,
it means that you're under the benef/cent care of one harmon ca vender, guard/an angel,
and this message from the twilight zone: Lots of luck.
This is James arness.
You know, it's onl ya short hop from the twilight zone to dodge city and gunsmoke.
Sa turda y nights over most of these stations.