1 00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:04,254 [Theme music playing] 2 00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:12,721 (Narrator) You're tra vel/ng through another dimension. 3 00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:16,350 A dimension not onl y of sightand sound, but of mind. 4 00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:20,103 A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are tha t of ima Gina t/on. 5 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,314 Your next stop, the twilight zone. 6 00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:28,570 [Laughter] 7 00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:31,907 Ladies and gentlemen, we're certainly glad to be here tonight. 8 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:33,367 Speak for yourself, Turkey. 9 00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:34,952 That's j erry. 10 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,037 Every dummy to his own taste. 11 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,039 Now, cut that out. 12 00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:41,542 All right. Let go of the suit. I'm getting out of here. 13 00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:45,045 Now, wait a minute, Willy. Just stay right here. 14 00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:46,129 I mean it. 15 00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,131 Uh-huh. 16 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:51,218 I'm sorry. If I said anything, I, uh, I didn't mean it. 17 00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:53,929 Oh, no? 18 00:00:54,012 --> 00:01:00,227 Just tell me this, wise guy. You did admit that you were superstitious, didn't you? 19 00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,521 Well, on occasion, yes. 20 00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:06,400 But you don't throw salt over your shoulders or cross your fingers. 21 00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:07,776 No, I knock on wood. 22 00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:09,027 You did it again. 23 00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:10,612 Wait a minute. 24 00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:12,447 I resign. From now on, I'm a single! 25 00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:16,076 As for you, you can turn in your lap. 26 00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:19,454 Uh, why, Willy, uh, 27 00:01:19,538 --> 00:01:23,166 in the first place, what would you do without me? 28 00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:28,255 Well, for one thing, I could be a better ventriloquist. 29 00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:30,257 Oh, yeah? 30 00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:32,634 Yeah. Watch this. 31 00:01:32,718 --> 00:01:34,761 [Imitating Willy] A funny thing happened to me 32 00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:37,264 on my way over to the club tonight. 33 00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:40,017 [Imitating Jerry] Is that a fact? What happened, blockhead? 34 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,352 I was out in front of the ritz-savoy. 35 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:46,857 That's where I live. Out in front of the ritz-savoy. 36 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:51,194 They put formaldehyde in those jokes? Something must preserve them. 37 00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,864 [Laughter] 38 00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:02,456 You're watching a ventriloquist named Jerry etherson, 39 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:06,293 a voice-thrower par excellence. His alter ego, sitting atop his lap, 40 00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:09,296 is a brash stick of kindling with the sobriquet "Willy." 41 00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:12,090 In a moment, Mr. Etherson and his knotty-pine partner 42 00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:15,010 will be booked into one of the out-of-the-way bistros. 43 00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:20,140 That small dark, intimate place known as the twilight zone. 44 00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:26,605 We play places like, uh, Miami, Los Angeles, Utah. 45 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:30,233 Hey, Jerry. How about San Quentin? 46 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:32,319 [Laughter] 47 00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:34,780 Play there, but not for a verylong time. 48 00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:37,866 Anyway, you've been a wonderful audience, and we wanna thank you. 49 00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:40,118 Willy, I think it would be very nice 50 00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:44,331 if you'd say goodnight and thank you to all these wonderful people. 51 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:49,169 You can do anything I can do better? All right, wise guy. Can you do this? 52 00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:51,880 [Laughter] 53 00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:55,550 Come around tomorrow night, folks. I'll be alone. Just you and me. 54 00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:59,429 Willy, I think, little pal, we better cut out, huh? 55 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,015 Let me tell you something, folks. 56 00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:05,686 As soon as I shake this pusher and get me a real act, you're gonna see some class! 57 00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:08,063 [Laughter] 58 00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:11,024 Thank you again, ladles and gentlemen, 59 00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:14,277 help, I'm being kidnapped! Call a lawyer! Call a doctor! 60 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:17,030 Never mind. Just get me to the nurse on time! 61 00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:18,573 Ow! 62 00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:22,661 [Dance music starts] 63 00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:55,652 [Dance music continues] 64 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,935 [Dance music continues] 65 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:32,439 [Door opens and closes] 66 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,357 (Man) Wha t do you sa y, maestro? 67 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,151 How did it go? 68 00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:39,279 Not bad. It's a small house, but a happy one. 69 00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,656 There weren't any complaints. Well, booby... 70 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:44,117 Frank! 71 00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:46,620 Don't do that. I told you that. 72 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:48,830 Still on the bit, huh? 73 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,213 You still on that stuff, huh? 74 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:59,466 You gave me your solemn promise you were gonna do your drinking 75 00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:03,595 out of soda pop bottles and coffee jugs. What does it take, Jerry, to get you wise? 76 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,472 I'm tired. Will you clear the area? 77 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,849 First I'd like to clear the air. 78 00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:11,061 I don't know where you manufacture all your illusions, Jerry. 79 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,480 But instead of being on top, where you ought to be, 80 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,525 at present, you're a second-rate nightclub entertainer. 81 00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:18,610 If you stay on that bottle... 82 00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:21,696 All right, I'll put away the bottle. Now, will you pull out? 83 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:27,118 I don't know why I waste my time. 84 00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:32,541 Ten percent of you is grief, and it's always been that way. 85 00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:35,418 Maybe it's because I've got a soft spot in my heart 86 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:38,755 for people who like to comm/t suicide eight hours a da y. 87 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,925 Now, listen, Jerry. 88 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,177 It doesn't have to be this way. 89 00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:47,347 You give in to some bad hooch and then you have bad nightmares. 90 00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:50,892 It's as simple as that. Take away the hooch, and you take away the nightmares. 91 00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:54,896 You got the chronology wrong, frank. First the nightmares and then the hooch. 92 00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:59,192 I drink 'cause I have to, and I have to 93 00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:01,778 because of him. 94 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:04,114 I've gotta get rid of him, frank. 95 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:08,076 This stick of wood? This fugitive from a fireplace? 96 00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:11,788 Jerry, how many psychiatrists do you have to see? 97 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:15,375 How many hours on the couch does it require? How many 20-buck-an-hour visits? 98 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,627 I can't help it. 99 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,992 You can help it. You know what? t it is, you've been told. 100 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:23,383 Often, endlessly, up to my craw in overflowing schizophrenia. I know it. 101 00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:26,803 Pa tient feel helpless and man/pula Ted by forces outside of his control. 102 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:30,932 I can give it to you frontwards, backwards, in three different languages. 103 00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:34,811 It's like a well-rehearsed off-color gag. Patient goes from himself to a dummy 104 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:38,815 and then is unable to separate himself from the dummy. That's very psychiatric and erudite 105 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:42,319 and worth about 21/2 bucks a word, but it's not right. It's not right! 106 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:46,072 I told them that, I tell you that. It's no more schizophrenia-paranoia 107 00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:49,451 than it is athlete's foot or a head cold! Will y's alive! 108 00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:51,745 He's a dummy! He's a block of wood. 109 00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:54,331 Look at it. Does this thing look alive to you? 110 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,083 Well, does he? 111 00:06:57,167 --> 00:07:01,504 Twenty-four inches of timber and you're shoveling yourself into a grave over it. 112 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:05,425 Now, you listen, Jerry. I've gone along with you. 113 00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:11,514 I've held your hand, I've sung you lullabies, I patted you on the shoulder. 114 00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:16,102 I've also covered for you the 110 performances you've run out on. 115 00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:20,190 I've thought of excuses that haven't even been invented, yet. 116 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:23,777 I've gone without commission, without sleep. 117 00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:28,031 And why? Because I thought I had a talented article here 118 00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:32,035 that eventually was gonna crawl out from under a bottle and hit it big. 119 00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:40,418 Well, I don't think you're such a talented article anymore, Jerry. 120 00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:47,634 Let's put it this way. Maybe I think you could be, 121 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,719 but you're never going to. 122 00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:52,347 I think you're a self-indul gent sot 123 00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:54,683 with an o Vera ctive ima Gina tion, 124 00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:57,769 and the onl y thing you like better than scotch is sympa thy. 125 00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:05,902 I'm gonna give you just 24 hours to straighten out. 126 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:10,657 Get rid of that bottle and get rid of the crazy obsession that you're battling a dummy. 127 00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:22,002 Frank... he's alive. 128 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,171 Willy's not a dummy. 129 00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:37,934 That's a dummy. 130 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,771 And that's the answer. 131 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,773 Go on. 132 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:47,527 Gotta get rid of Willy, make a whole new routine. 133 00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:49,529 A whole new routine takes time. 134 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:51,823 You've got another show in half an hour. 135 00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:54,951 Tell them I can't make the late show. Tell them I'm sick or something. 136 00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:58,538 I've already told them. The trouble is, they know it's "something." 137 00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:01,791 And tihi ev [knew/w I©imi etihiiiin]. 138 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:05,128 Jerry, you pull yourself together. And when you hear your music 139 00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:09,758 you be out on that stage. I don't care which dummy you bring, but you be out there. 140 00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:12,469 This is one I don't cover for, Jerry. 141 00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:23,980 [Audience applauds] 142 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:28,068 Say, goofy goggles, why don't you have your glasses fixed? 143 00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:31,446 I don't have to. My eyes are much better now. 144 00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:34,407 Goofy, you're looking at the band leader. I'm over here. 145 00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:39,829 Keep talking, I'll find you. Say, etherson, I've been meaning to tell you 146 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,749 you put too much starch in my collar. 147 00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:47,087 Too much starch in your collar? I'm not your laundry man. 148 00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:51,341 Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna make it, you and me. 149 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,384 Justyou and me. 150 00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:29,462 Jerry. Marsha, listen to this. Make me talk, Jerry, come on. 151 00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:31,506 Look, Noreen, I'm on in a couple of minutes. 152 00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,967 Makes you sound just like Willy. Come on. 153 00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:36,136 (Willy) Knock l7' off, babe, tha t t/ckl es. 154 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:38,012 Willy, shut up! 155 00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:40,682 Is that wild? Is that wild? 156 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,820 [Applause] 157 00:10:57,949 --> 00:11:01,327 Goofy. Goofy, I think it's time you had your glasses fixed. 158 00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:03,163 I really do. 159 00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:05,165 My eyes are much better now. 160 00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,876 Goofy, you're talking to the band leader. I'm over here. 161 00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:10,086 Keep talking, I'll find you. 162 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,380 Goofy, I think you need your eyes tested. 163 00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:13,715 Eyes tested? 164 00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,341 That's right. Eyes tested. 165 00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,676 Well, I'm ready. 166 00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:19,512 All right, here. 167 00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,723 Now, tell me what that says. 168 00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:23,266 Where? 169 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,018 [Laughter] 170 00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:29,439 Oh. That thing. How about a hint? 171 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:33,026 Goofy, it's-it's clear as day. It's right in front of you. 172 00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:34,944 Just give me a hint. 173 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:38,448 Well, it's a letter, and it's between "d" and "f." 174 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,451 I've got it. It's "e." 175 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,745 I don't know how you do it, goofy. 176 00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:46,873 I cannot tell a lie. I memorized it. 177 00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:49,417 Oh, for goodness' sake. Sing your song, will you? 178 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:54,380 Fl are the stars out tonight? Fl 179 00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:59,636 fl I don't know if it's cloudy or bright fl 180 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,388 fl 'cause I only have eyes fl 181 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,265 cute act, isn't it, Georgie? 182 00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:06,351 What's cute about it? 183 00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:09,270 Besides, I liked the old dummy better. Why did he change it? 184 00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:12,273 You know, brightens it up a little. Gives it some novelty. 185 00:12:12,357 --> 00:12:15,985 Novelty? With a ventriloquist? 186 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,821 Frankie, you've seen one, you've seen them all. 187 00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:22,242 Every dummy looks the same. And if just once they changed the jokes, 188 00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:25,245 I'd have a coronary. 189 00:12:25,328 --> 00:12:26,746 What's with etherson, anyway? 190 00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:29,082 What do you mean? 191 00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:32,335 Usually the acts mix with the trade, you know, walk down on the floor, 192 00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,671 do a little drinking with the customers. 193 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,090 This guy plays it like Greta garbo. 194 00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:41,344 Locks himself up in his room like a prima Donna. 195 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:42,762 Well, he's nervous tonight. 196 00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:45,139 Why? 197 00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:48,643 You know, he hasn't been well. It's his first night out in a month or so. 198 00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:51,187 Give him a chance, Georgie. He'll warm up for you. 199 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,856 Well, you tell him to. Tell him to bring the dummy out 200 00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:57,360 and walk around the tables after the show. 201 00:12:57,443 --> 00:13:00,113 It's, uh, psychological, Frankie. 202 00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:02,615 Makes people thirsty. 203 00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:05,827 [Applauses] 204 00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:14,711 [Humming] 205 00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:17,880 [Lusty purring] 206 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:20,133 [Dance music starts] 207 00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:34,480 Sweet dreams, Willy. 208 00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:37,483 Your next booking is in the fireplace. 209 00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:07,513 You leaving? 210 00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:09,682 What's it look like, frank? 211 00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:12,727 It looks like you're leaving. 212 00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:14,687 I waited for you after the last show. 213 00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:17,231 Georgie was hoping you'd mix with the customers. 214 00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:21,027 You tell Georgie I'm aventriloquist, not a shill. 215 00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:23,863 Why don't you tell him? 216 00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:26,366 What does that mean? 217 00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:28,951 That means I'm resigning from the club. 218 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:32,789 You keep your ten percent, and I'll keep my self-respect. 219 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:38,711 Also my sense of humor, my regular meals, my normal working hours. 220 00:14:38,753 --> 00:14:40,922 You and I have had it, Jerry. 221 00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:43,591 I have gone the route and then some. 222 00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:46,094 You don't need an agent. You need medical help. 223 00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:49,806 I think it's reached that now. 224 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,141 You never believed me, did you, frank? 225 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:54,727 Yeah, I believed you. 226 00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:59,065 I believed you had obsessions. I believe those obsessions were eating you up alive 227 00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:02,402 but I also believe, Jerry, you're letting them. 228 00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:04,570 He talks when I don't talk. 229 00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:07,490 He tells jokes I never heard of before, gives me bum cues. 230 00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:10,743 He's alive, frank. That's why I locked him in that trunk. 231 00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:15,289 Goofy and I are gonna fly out of here, frank. 232 00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:19,502 We'll fly to Miami, Los Angeles, maybe that place in Kansas City. 233 00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:22,630 The place in Kansas City is the same as Miami, 234 00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:26,134 which is the same as Los Angeles which is the same as sioux city, Iowa, 235 00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:29,011 which is the same as any town south, west, north of here. 236 00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:32,765 They're all the same, Jerry. And you're not gonna leave Willy 237 00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:37,687 by hopping a plane or a train, or a taxi or a one-horse shay. 238 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,189 This thing you lick right here. 239 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,608 This thing you lick at the source. 240 00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:45,611 This thing you don't run away from. 241 00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:49,407 We'll see. 242 00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:00,376 Good night, Mr. Etherson. 243 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,837 Good night, Ralph. 244 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,841 (Willy) You're not gonna Lea ve me in a stuffy old trunk, are you? 245 00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:15,099 Was there something, Mr. Etherson? 246 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,229 Did you say something? 247 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:23,858 Is said good night, that's all. 248 00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:26,569 Good night. 249 00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:10,696 (Willy) A w, come on, old sport. I wouldn'tlock you in a trunk. 250 00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:15,034 Willy? 251 00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:17,578 Where are you, Willy? 252 00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:25,670 (Woman) Jerr y? 253 00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:37,974 Good night, Jerry. 254 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,226 Good night. 255 00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:53,739 [Willy laughing] 256 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:10,089 (Willy) Hey, gar/bald/I 257 00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:13,175 didn't you forget someone? 258 00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:19,098 Didn't you forget will y? 259 00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:21,976 [Footsteps approaching] 260 00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,276 Jerry? 261 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:36,157 Noreen. Oh. 262 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,951 Noreen, I was waiting for you. 263 00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:41,287 Yeah, that's right. 264 00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:43,956 I was waiting for you. 265 00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:46,042 The line is, "this is so sudden." 266 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,377 And in this case, it happens to be sudden. 267 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:51,464 No, I-I was waiting for you 268 00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:55,009 because I-I want to have a drink with you, Noreen, 269 00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:58,137 or maybe a sandwich or something, you know? 270 00:18:58,179 --> 00:18:59,972 Noreen, you're a good kid, 271 00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:02,308 and I've always thought you were a good kid, 272 00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:04,018 and I've always wanted to... 273 00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:05,811 Easy, j erry. Easy! 274 00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:08,147 Honey, listen. Wait a minute, Noreen, look. 275 00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:10,399 What's the matter with you, Jerry? 276 00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:13,486 There's nothing the matter with me. No, I'm not sick. 277 00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:16,739 I just wanna have a drink with you. I don't wanna be alone. 278 00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:19,575 I keep hearing those voices and Willy is bugging me. 279 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,662 No, wait a minute! Willy is bugging me wait a minute! 280 00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:24,997 [Screaming] 281 00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:30,419 [Willy laughing e vil/ y] 282 00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,572 (Willy) Wha t do you sa y, stra nger? 283 00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:01,951 You 8l umm/n g? [Laughs] 284 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,954 A funny thing happened to me on the way to the club tonight. 285 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,289 I was out in front of the ritz—sa voy. 286 00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:10,042 Tha t's where I live. Out in front of the ritz—sa voy. 287 00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:12,586 [Laughing] 288 00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:16,757 [Laughing wi/d/ y] 289 00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,724 Come out, come out, wherever you are. 290 00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:27,017 [Laughing wi/d/ y] 291 00:20:27,101 --> 00:20:29,311 Hey, wise guy. 292 00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,731 Hey! Wise guy! 293 00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:36,318 [Laughing wi/d/ y] 294 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:49,123 [Wild laughing continues] 295 00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:54,420 [Crunching] 296 00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:31,624 The wrong one. 297 00:21:33,042 --> 00:21:35,795 How could I get the wrong one? 298 00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:42,176 Ma ybe you need glasses. 299 00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:48,974 Why don't you take the eye test? 300 00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:51,977 Now, what am I holding out in front of me? I'll give you a hint. 301 00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:54,563 It's between "d"and "f." Don't peek. Don't peek. 302 00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:57,650 What do you say, partner? What do you say? 303 00:21:57,691 --> 00:22:02,196 What do you say we get down to business? 304 00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:04,990 You're real. 305 00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:10,579 How can you be real when you're made of wood? 306 00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:14,333 [Chuckling] 307 00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:18,712 You made me real. You poured words into my head. 308 00:22:18,796 --> 00:22:21,757 You moved my mouth. You stuck out my tongue. 309 00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:25,010 You jerk, don't you get it? 310 00:22:25,094 --> 00:22:28,180 You made me what I am today. 311 00:22:28,222 --> 00:22:31,100 I hope you're satisfied. 312 00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:33,853 From the song, of the same name. 313 00:22:35,521 --> 00:22:39,525 [Laughing] 314 00:22:41,986 --> 00:22:45,030 [Laughing crazi/ y] 315 00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:01,422 And now, direct from New York City, 316 00:23:01,505 --> 00:23:04,300 the funniest pair of cuckoos you'll ever see 317 00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:07,303 here in Kansas City or anyplace else, 318 00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:11,599 Jerry and Willy. Let's bring them out big, folks. 319 00:23:11,682 --> 00:23:13,976 [Applause] 320 00:23:15,895 --> 00:23:18,606 How do you do, folks? How do you do? 321 00:23:18,689 --> 00:23:20,608 A funny thing happened to me 322 00:23:20,691 --> 00:23:24,153 on the way over to the club tonight. I met this broad. 323 00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:27,740 Now, Jerry, you don't mean "broad." You mean "lady." 324 00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:32,077 Oh, look, chum, you just write the jokes and I'll tell them, okay? 325 00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:36,081 Well, anyway, I met this broad coming down the street. 326 00:23:36,123 --> 00:23:38,792 It was a broad street. 327 00:23:38,876 --> 00:23:41,545 (Narrator) Wha t's known /n the parlance of the times 328 00:23:41,629 --> 00:23:46,467 as the old sw/tcheroo. From boss to bl ockhead ina few, uneasylessons. 329 00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:50,179 And if you're given to n/ghtcl ubb/ng on occasion, check this act. 330 00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:54,767 It's called Willy and Jerry, and they generall yare booked into some of the clubs 331 00:23:54,808 --> 00:24:00,689 along the graynight way known as the twilightzone. 332 00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:06,362 (Male presenter) Rod serl/ng, crea Tor of the twilight zone, 333 00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:11,367 will tell youabout next week's story after this message. 334 00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:13,452 And now, Mr. Serling. 335 00:24:13,494 --> 00:24:16,497 Next week through the good offices of Mr. Richard Matheson 336 00:24:16,580 --> 00:24:18,832 we tell you a story of a young man's fancy, 337 00:24:18,916 --> 00:24:22,044 which is kind of a euphemistic description of a mortal combat 338 00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:25,798 between the living and the dead, between the present and the past, 339 00:24:25,881 --> 00:24:29,009 between miss Phyllis thaxter and Mr. Alex nicol. 340 00:24:29,093 --> 00:24:32,805 The battleground is this old house, and its front door will be opened to you 341 00:24:32,888 --> 00:24:36,141 next week on the twilight zone. 342 00:24:38,519 --> 00:24:41,981 [Eerie music] 343 00:25:19,059 --> 00:25:22,021 Hello, tree. 344 00:25:22,104 --> 00:25:26,025 Trees are everybod y's friends. Remember, onl y you can prevent forest fires. 345 00:25:44,291 --> 00:25:46,411 - - Now, for head cold congest/on and ha yfever m/sery