1
00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:12,721
You're tra vel/ng
through another dimension.

2
00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:16,350
A dimension not onl y of
sightand sound, but of mind.

3
00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:20,103
A journey into a wondrous land whose
boundaries are tha t of ima Gina t/on.

4
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,314
Your next stop,
the twilight zone.

5
00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:31,907
Ladies and gentlemen, we're
certainly glad to be here tonight.

6
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:33,367
Speak for yourself, Turkey.

7
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:34,952
That's j erry.

8
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,037
Every dummy to his own taste.

9
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,039
Now, cut that out.

10
00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:41,542
All right. Let go of the
suit. I'm getting out of here.

11
00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:45,045
Now, wait a minute,
Willy. Just stay right here.

12
00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:46,129
I mean it.

13
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,131
Uh-huh.

14
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:51,218
I'm sorry. If I said anything,
I, uh, I didn't mean it.

15
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:53,929
Oh, no?

16
00:00:54,012 --> 00:01:00,227
Just tell me this, wise guy. You did admit
that you were superstitious, didn't you?

17
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,521
Well, on occasion, yes.

18
00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:06,400
But you don't throw salt over your
shoulders or cross your fingers.

19
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:07,776
No, I knock on wood.

20
00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:09,027
You did it again.

21
00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:10,612
Wait a minute.

22
00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:12,447
I resign. From
now on, I'm a single!

23
00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:16,076
As for you, you
can turn in your lap.

24
00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:19,454
Uh, why, Willy, uh,

25
00:01:19,538 --> 00:01:23,166
in the first place, what
would you do without me?

26
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:28,255
Well, for one thing, I could
be a better ventriloquist.

27
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:30,257
Oh, yeah?

28
00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:32,634
Yeah. Watch this.

29
00:01:32,718 --> 00:01:34,761
A funny thing happened to me

30
00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:37,264
on my way over to
the club tonight.

31
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:40,017
Is that a fact?
What happened, blockhead?

32
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,352
I was out in front
of the ritz-savoy.

33
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:46,857
That's where I live. Out
in front of the ritz-savoy.

34
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:51,194
They put formaldehyde in those
jokes? Something must preserve them.

35
00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:02,456
You're watching a ventriloquist
named Jerry etherson,

36
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:06,293
a voice-thrower par excellence.
His alter ego, sitting atop his lap,

37
00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:09,296
is a brash stick of kindling
with the sobriquet "Willy."

38
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:12,090
In a moment, Mr. Etherson
and his knotty-pine partner

39
00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:15,010
will be booked into one
of the out-of-the-way bistros.

40
00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:20,140
That small dark, intimate
place known as the twilight zone.

41
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:26,605
We play places like, uh,
Miami, Los Angeles, Utah.

42
00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:30,233
Hey, Jerry.
How about San Quentin?

43
00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:34,780
Play there, but not
for a verylong time.

44
00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:37,866
Anyway, you've been a wonderful
audience, and we wanna thank you.

45
00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:40,118
Willy, I think it
would be very nice

46
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:44,331
if you'd say goodnight and thank
you to all these wonderful people.

47
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:49,169
You can do anything I can do better?
All right, wise guy. Can you do this?

48
00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:55,550
Come around tomorrow night,
folks. I'll be alone. Just you and me.

49
00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:59,429
Willy, I think, little pal,
we better cut out, huh?

50
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,015
Let me tell you
something, folks.

51
00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:05,686
As soon as I shake this pusher and get
me a real act, you're gonna see some class!

52
00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:11,024
Thank you again,
ladles and gentlemen,

53
00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:14,277
help, I'm being kidnapped!
Call a lawyer! Call a doctor!

54
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:17,030
Never mind. Just get
me to the nurse on time!

55
00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:18,573
Ow!

56
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,357
Wha t do you sa y, maestro?

57
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,151
How did it go?

58
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:39,279
Not bad. It's a small
house, but a happy one.

59
00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,656
There weren't any
complaints. Well, booby...

60
00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:44,117
Frank!

61
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:46,620
Don't do that. I told you that.

62
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:48,830
Still on the bit, huh?

63
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,213
You still on that stuff, huh?

64
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:59,466
You gave me your solemn promise
you were gonna do your drinking

65
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:03,595
out of soda pop bottles and coffee jugs.
What does it take, Jerry, to get you wise?

66
00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,472
I'm tired. Will
you clear the area?

67
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,849
First I'd like to clear the air.

68
00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:11,061
I don't know where you
manufacture all your illusions, Jerry.

69
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,480
But instead of being on
top, where you ought to be,

70
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,525
at present, you're a second-rate
nightclub entertainer.

71
00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:18,610
If you stay on that bottle...

72
00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:21,696
All right, I'll put away the
bottle. Now, will you pull out?

73
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:27,118
I don't know why
I waste my time.

74
00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:32,541
Ten percent of you is grief,
and it's always been that way.

75
00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:35,418
Maybe it's because I've
got a soft spot in my heart

76
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:38,755
for people who like to comm/t
suicide eight hours a da y.

77
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,925
Now, listen, Jerry.

78
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,177
It doesn't have to be this way.

79
00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:47,347
You give in to some bad hooch
and then you have bad nightmares.

80
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:50,892
It's as simple as that. Take away the
hooch, and you take away the nightmares.

81
00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:54,896
You got the chronology wrong, frank.
First the nightmares and then the hooch.

82
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:59,192
I drink 'cause I
have to, and I have to

83
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:01,778
because of him.

84
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:04,114
I've gotta get
rid of him, frank.

85
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:08,076
This stick of wood? This
fugitive from a fireplace?

86
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:11,788
Jerry, how many psychiatrists
do you have to see?

87
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:15,375
How many hours on the couch does it
require? How many 20-buck-an-hour visits?

88
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,627
I can't help it.

89
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,992
You can help it. You know
what? t it is, you've been told.

90
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:23,383
Often, endlessly, up to my craw in
overflowing schizophrenia. I know it.

91
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:26,803
Pa tient feel helpless and man/pula
Ted by forces outside of his control.

92
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:30,932
I can give it to you frontwards,
backwards, in three different languages.

93
00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:34,811
It's like a well-rehearsed off-color
gag. Patient goes from himself to a dummy

94
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:38,815
and then is unable to separate himself from
the dummy. That's very psychiatric and erudite

95
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:42,319
and worth about 21/2 bucks a
word, but it's not right. It's not right!

96
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:46,072
I told them that, I tell you that.
It's no more schizophrenia-paranoia

97
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:49,451
than it is athlete's foot
or a head cold! Will y's alive!

98
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:51,745
He's a dummy! He's
a block of wood.

99
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:54,331
Look at it. Does this
thing look alive to you?

100
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,083
Well, does he?

101
00:06:57,167 --> 00:07:01,504
Twenty-four inches of timber and you're
shoveling yourself into a grave over it.

102
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:05,425
Now, you listen, Jerry.
I've gone along with you.

103
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:11,514
I've held your hand, I've sung you
lullabies, I patted you on the shoulder.

104
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:16,102
I've also covered for you the 110
performances you've run out on.

105
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:20,190
I've thought of excuses that
haven't even been invented, yet.

106
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:23,777
I've gone without
commission, without sleep.

107
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:28,031
And why? Because I thought
I had a talented article here

108
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:32,035
that eventually was gonna crawl
out from under a bottle and hit it big.

109
00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:40,418
Well, I don't think you're such a
talented article anymore, Jerry.

110
00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:47,634
Let's put it this way.
Maybe I think you could be,

111
00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,719
but you're never going to.

112
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:52,347
I think you're
a self-indul gent sot

113
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:54,683
with an o Vera ctive
ima Gina tion,

114
00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:57,769
and the onl y thing you like
better than scotch is sympa thy.

115
00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:05,902
I'm gonna give you just 24
hours to straighten out.

116
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:10,657
Get rid of that bottle and get rid of the
crazy obsession that you're battling a dummy.

117
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:22,002
Frank... he's alive.

118
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,171
Willy's not a dummy.

119
00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:37,934
That's a dummy.

120
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,771
And that's the answer.

121
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,773
Go on.

122
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:47,527
Gotta get rid of Willy,
make a whole new routine.

123
00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:49,529
A whole new routine takes time.

124
00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:51,823
You've got another
show in half an hour.

125
00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:54,951
Tell them I can't make the late
show. Tell them I'm sick or something.

126
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:58,538
I've already told them. The
trouble is, they know it's "something."

127
00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:01,791
And tihi ev.

128
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:05,128
Jerry, you pull yourself together.
And when you hear your music

129
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:09,758
you be out on that stage. I don't care
which dummy you bring, but you be out there.

130
00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:12,469
This is one I don't
cover for, Jerry.

131
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:28,068
Say, goofy goggles, why don't
you have your glasses fixed?

132
00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:31,446
I don't have to. My eyes
are much better now.

133
00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:34,407
Goofy, you're looking at
the band leader. I'm over here.

134
00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:39,829
Keep talking, I'll find you. Say,
etherson, I've been meaning to tell you

135
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,749
you put too much
starch in my collar.

136
00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:47,087
Too much starch in your
collar? I'm not your laundry man.

137
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:51,341
Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna
make it, you and me.

138
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,384
Justyou and me.

139
00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:29,462
Jerry. Marsha, listen to this.
Make me talk, Jerry, come on.

140
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:31,506
Look, Noreen, I'm on
in a couple of minutes.

141
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,967
Makes you sound just
like Willy. Come on.

142
00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:36,136
Knock l7' off,
babe, tha t t/ckl es.

143
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:38,012
Willy, shut up!

144
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:40,682
Is that wild? Is that wild?

145
00:10:57,949 --> 00:11:01,327
Goofy. Goofy, I think it's time
you had your glasses fixed.

146
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:03,163
I really do.

147
00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:05,165
My eyes are much better now.

148
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,876
Goofy, you're talking to
the band leader. I'm over here.

149
00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:10,086
Keep talking, I'll find you.

150
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,380
Goofy, I think you
need your eyes tested.

151
00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:13,715
Eyes tested?

152
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,341
That's right. Eyes tested.

153
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,676
Well, I'm ready.

154
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:19,512
All right, here.

155
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,723
Now, tell me what that says.

156
00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:23,266
Where?

157
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:29,439
Oh. That thing.
How about a hint?

158
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:33,026
Goofy, it's-it's clear as
day. It's right in front of you.

159
00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:34,944
Just give me a hint.

160
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:38,448
Well, it's a letter, and
it's between "d" and "f."

161
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,451
I've got it. It's "e."

162
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,745
I don't know how
you do it, goofy.

163
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:46,873
I cannot tell a lie.
I memorized it.

164
00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:49,417
Oh, for goodness' sake.
Sing your song, will you?

165
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:54,380
Fl are the stars out tonight? Fl

166
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:59,636
fl I don't know if
it's cloudy or bright fl

167
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,388
fl 'cause I only have eyes fl

168
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,265
cute act, isn't it, Georgie?

169
00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:06,351
What's cute about it?

170
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:09,270
Besides, I liked the old dummy
better. Why did he change it?

171
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:12,273
You know, brightens it up a
little. Gives it some novelty.

172
00:12:12,357 --> 00:12:15,985
Novelty? With a ventriloquist?

173
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,821
Frankie, you've seen one,
you've seen them all.

174
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:22,242
Every dummy looks the same. And
if just once they changed the jokes,

175
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:25,245
I'd have a coronary.

176
00:12:25,328 --> 00:12:26,746
What's with etherson, anyway?

177
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:29,082
What do you mean?

178
00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:32,335
Usually the acts mix with the trade,
you know, walk down on the floor,

179
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,671
do a little drinking
with the customers.

180
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,090
This guy plays it
like Greta garbo.

181
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:41,344
Locks himself up in his
room like a prima Donna.

182
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:42,762
Well, he's nervous tonight.

183
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:45,139
Why?

184
00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:48,643
You know, he hasn't been well. It's
his first night out in a month or so.

185
00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:51,187
Give him a chance, Georgie.
He'll warm up for you.

186
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,856
Well, you tell him to. Tell
him to bring the dummy out

187
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:57,360
and walk around the
tables after the show.

188
00:12:57,443 --> 00:13:00,113
It's, uh,
psychological, Frankie.

189
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:02,615
Makes people thirsty.

190
00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:34,480
Sweet dreams, Willy.

191
00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:37,483
Your next booking
is in the fireplace.

192
00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:07,513
You leaving?

193
00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:09,682
What's it look like, frank?

194
00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:12,727
It looks like you're leaving.

195
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:14,687
I waited for you
after the last show.

196
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:17,231
Georgie was hoping you'd
mix with the customers.

197
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:21,027
You tell Georgie I'm
aventriloquist, not a shill.

198
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:23,863
Why don't you tell him?

199
00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:26,366
What does that mean?

200
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:28,951
That means I'm
resigning from the club.

201
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:32,789
You keep your ten percent,
and I'll keep my self-respect.

202
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:38,711
Also my sense of humor, my regular
meals, my normal working hours.

203
00:14:38,753 --> 00:14:40,922
You and I have had it, Jerry.

204
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:43,591
I have gone the
route and then some.

205
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:46,094
You don't need an agent.
You need medical help.

206
00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:49,806
I think it's reached that now.

207
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,141
You never believed me,
did you, frank?

208
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:54,727
Yeah, I believed you.

209
00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:59,065
I believed you had obsessions. I believe
those obsessions were eating you up alive

210
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:02,402
but I also believe, Jerry,
you're letting them.

211
00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:04,570
He talks when I don't talk.

212
00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:07,490
He tells jokes I never heard
of before, gives me bum cues.

213
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:10,743
He's alive, frank. That's why
I locked him in that trunk.

214
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:15,289
Goofy and I are gonna
fly out of here, frank.

215
00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:19,502
We'll fly to Miami, Los Angeles,
maybe that place in Kansas City.

216
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:22,630
The place in Kansas City
is the same as Miami,

217
00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:26,134
which is the same as Los Angeles
which is the same as sioux city, Iowa,

218
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:29,011
which is the same as any town
south, west, north of here.

219
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:32,765
They're all the same, Jerry.
And you're not gonna leave Willy

220
00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:37,687
by hopping a plane or a train,
or a taxi or a one-horse shay.

221
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,189
This thing you lick right here.

222
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,608
This thing you
lick at the source.

223
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:45,611
This thing you
don't run away from.

224
00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:49,407
We'll see.

225
00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:00,376
Good night, Mr. Etherson.

226
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,837
Good night, Ralph.

227
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,841
You're not gonna Lea ve
me in a stuffy old trunk, are you?

228
00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:15,099
Was there something,
Mr. Etherson?

229
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,229
Did you say something?

230
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:23,858
Is said good night, that's all.

231
00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:26,569
Good night.

232
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:10,696
A w, come on, old sport.
I wouldn'tlock you in a trunk.

233
00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:15,034
Willy?

234
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:17,578
Where are you, Willy?

235
00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:25,670
Jerr y?

236
00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:37,974
Good night, Jerry.

237
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,226
Good night.

238
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:10,089
Hey, gar/bald/I

239
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:13,175
didn't you forget someone?

240
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:19,098
Didn't you forget will y?

241
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,276
Jerry?

242
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:36,157
Noreen. Oh.

243
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,951
Noreen, I was waiting for you.

244
00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:41,287
Yeah, that's right.

245
00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:43,956
I was waiting for you.

246
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:46,042
The line is,
"this is so sudden."

247
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,377
And in this case, it
happens to be sudden.

248
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:51,464
No, I-I was waiting for you

249
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:55,009
because I-I want to have
a drink with you, Noreen,

250
00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:58,137
or maybe a sandwich
or something, you know?

251
00:18:58,179 --> 00:18:59,972
Noreen, you're a good kid,

252
00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:02,308
and I've always thought
you were a good kid,

253
00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:04,018
and I've always wanted to...

254
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:05,811
Easy, j erry. Easy!

255
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:08,147
Honey, listen. Wait a
minute, Noreen, look.

256
00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:10,399
What's the matter
with you, Jerry?

257
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:13,486
There's nothing the matter
with me. No, I'm not sick.

258
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:16,739
I just wanna have a drink
with you. I don't wanna be alone.

259
00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:19,575
I keep hearing those voices
and Willy is bugging me.

260
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,662
No, wait a minute! Willy is
bugging me wait a minute!

261
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,572
Wha t do you sa y, stra nger?

262
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:01,951
You 8l umm/n g?

263
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,954
A funny thing happened to me
on the way to the club tonight.

264
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,289
I was out in front
of the ritz—sa voy.

265
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:10,042
Tha t's where I live. Out
in front of the ritz—sa voy.

266
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,724
Come out, come out,
wherever you are.

267
00:20:27,101 --> 00:20:29,311
Hey, wise guy.

268
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,731
Hey! Wise guy!

269
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:31,624
The wrong one.

270
00:21:33,042 --> 00:21:35,795
How could I get the wrong one?

271
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:42,176
Ma ybe you need glasses.

272
00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:48,974
Why don't you take the eye test?

273
00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:51,977
Now, what am I holding out in
front of me? I'll give you a hint.

274
00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:54,563
It's between "d"and "f."
Don't peek. Don't peek.

275
00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:57,650
What do you say, partner?
What do you say?

276
00:21:57,691 --> 00:22:02,196
What do you say we
get down to business?

277
00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:04,990
You're real.

278
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:10,579
How can you be real
when you're made of wood?

279
00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:18,712
You made me real. You
poured words into my head.

280
00:22:18,796 --> 00:22:21,757
You moved my mouth.
You stuck out my tongue.

281
00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:25,010
You jerk, don't you get it?

282
00:22:25,094 --> 00:22:28,180
You made me what I am today.

283
00:22:28,222 --> 00:22:31,100
I hope you're satisfied.

284
00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:33,853
From the song, of the same name.

285
00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:01,422
And now, direct
from New York City,

286
00:23:01,505 --> 00:23:04,300
the funniest pair of
cuckoos you'll ever see

287
00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:07,303
here in Kansas City
or anyplace else,

288
00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:11,599
Jerry and Willy. Let's
bring them out big, folks.

289
00:23:15,895 --> 00:23:18,606
How do you do, folks?
How do you do?

290
00:23:18,689 --> 00:23:20,608
A funny thing happened to me

291
00:23:20,691 --> 00:23:24,153
on the way over to the
club tonight. I met this broad.

292
00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:27,740
Now, Jerry, you don't mean
"broad." You mean "lady."

293
00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:32,077
Oh, look, chum, you just write
the jokes and I'll tell them, okay?

294
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:36,081
Well, anyway, I met this
broad coming down the street.

295
00:23:36,123 --> 00:23:38,792
It was a broad street.

296
00:23:38,876 --> 00:23:41,545
Wha t's known /n
the parlance of the times

297
00:23:41,629 --> 00:23:46,467
as the old sw/tcheroo. From boss
to bl ockhead ina few, uneasylessons.

298
00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:50,179
And if you're given to n/ghtcl
ubb/ng on occasion, check this act.

299
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:54,767
It's called Willy and Jerry, and they
generall yare booked into some of the clubs

300
00:23:54,808 --> 00:24:00,689
along the graynight way
known as the twilightzone.

301
00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:06,362
Rod serl/ng,
crea Tor of the twilight zone,

302
00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:11,367
will tell youabout next
week's story after this message.

303
00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:13,452
And now, Mr. Serling.

304
00:24:13,494 --> 00:24:16,497
Next week through the good
offices of Mr. Richard Matheson

305
00:24:16,580 --> 00:24:18,832
we tell you a story
of a young man's fancy,

306
00:24:18,916 --> 00:24:22,044
which is kind of a euphemistic
description of a mortal combat

307
00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:25,798
between the living and the dead,
between the present and the past,

308
00:24:25,881 --> 00:24:29,009
between miss Phyllis thaxter
and Mr. Alex nicol.

309
00:24:29,093 --> 00:24:32,805
The battleground is this old house,
and its front door will be opened to you

310
00:24:32,888 --> 00:24:36,141
next week on the twilight zone.

311
00:25:19,059 --> 00:25:22,021
Hello, tree.

312
00:25:22,104 --> 00:25:26,025
Trees are everybod y's friends. Remember,
onl y you can prevent forest fires.

313
00:25:44,291 --> 00:25:46,411
- - Now, for head cold
congest/on and ha yfever m/sery