[Eerie music]
(Narrator) You're tra vel/ng through another dimension.
A dimension not onl y of sightand sound, but of mind.
A journey into a wondrous land
whose boundaries are tha t of ima Gina t/on.
Tha t's the signpost up ahead.
Your next stop, the twilight zone.
[Cheerful music]
(Man) A honey from hunnicut!
Drive it in good health!
[Chuckles]
[Car backfires loudly]
Too much power, eh?
[Mischie vous music]
[Thud and chuckles]
We're just looking.
Well, that's what we want you to do.
Nobody pushes you around here. No, sir, young man.
You can pause, exhale, check, recheck, think, peruse, contemplate,
Wade through, thumb over, dip into. Be my guest, folks.
We were thinking of maybe a little coupe...
Something around $500. But as late a model as we can.
Late? [Sighs]
You shock me, you know that?
You know your husband shooked me just then?
He was only...
Do you know why?
I'll tell you why you shocked me.
It's because you've succumbed
to the propaganda of every cement-headed clod
up and down this street. I said propaganda. [Grunts]
They like to push the late models,
don't they?
They do, don't they?
You know why they push the late models?
You think it's because they're honest,
law-abiding, rigidly moral churchgoers? [Chuckles]
Let me tell you something, young man. They push,
they push the late models
because that is where the profit margin is.
They'll cram those post-'54s down your gullet
because they would rather make a buck than a friend.
They would rather make a profit
than a relationship.
They would rather cram their wallets full of cash
than fill their hearts with the fellowship
of men to men.
We're really just looking
for a good transportation car,
and we thought the newer...
New? That's where you've completely gone wrong.
That's where you've suddenly gone amiss.
That's the juncture that's headed you into a blind alley.
You don't want a new car.
You don't want one of those rinky-dink,
slapped-together on an assembly line,
covered with chintzy chrome,
fin tails, idiotic names and no more workmanship
than you can stick into a thimble.
I'll tell you what you want.
You want the craftsmanship that comes with age
the dependability of proven performers
the dignity of traditional transportation.
This is what you want.
A '38 coupe.
It'll get you where you want to go.
It'll get you back.
[Metallic clank and cheerful music]
(Narrator) This, as the banner alread y has procla/med
is Mr. Harvey hunnicut.
An expert on commerce and con jobs
a brash, bright and larceny-loaded Wheeler and dealer
who when the good lord passed outa consc/ence
must ha ve gone for a beer and missed out.
And these area couple of other characters.
A little old man ina model-a car
but not justany old man and not justany model -a.
There's something very spec/al about them.
Ina few moments, they'll give Harvey hunnicut something
tha t he's never experienced before.
Through the good offices of a little magic
they will unload on Mr. Hunnicut
the absolute necessity to tell the truth.
Where they come from is conjecturable
but as to where they're heading, this we know,
because all of them and you are on the threshold
o f the twilight zone.
[Cheerful music]
And did you know that the original prototype
of this car was the Mark ii tank?
When you go down the freeway, everybody else, out of the way!
Where the gearshift is used to be the Cannon.
Let's sit down and talk Turkey
because this baby is the one you're going to buy.
The one that you're going to drive off...
Well, first of all...
Could we look it over a bit?
Look! More than that. Here, sit in it.
Get the feel of it. Relish in the luxury.
See how they built cars in the days when cars were really built!
Come on, young fellow. Come on.
You, too, madam. You sit in it, too.
Park yourself in there and enjoy it to your heart's content.
Boy, you know what you really should have
when you sit in a car like this?
Candlelight, a bottle of good wine
because this baby here has dignity.
[Car door shuz's]
Relax for a minute, I'll be right back. [Chuckles]
Oh, how do you do.
Well, that depends, grandpa.
If you came here to park this
I'll just charge you nominal rates
but if you're here to sell it
you'll have to give me three and a half minutes for my little laugh.
[Sniggers]
I'll give you 15 bucks for it.
Any junkman will give you 12.
The Smithsonian might top us both by a buck or two.
It's a wonderful old car
and they built them better in the old days, I think.
Ah, grandfather dear that is the old rhubarb, the saw,
the Turkey everybody and his brother
is trying to pull on the open market.
Cars were built better in the old days, ha!
Ten years ago they didn't know how to build cars.
Now it's the new cars that sell.
Don't mind these.
It's the new cars that sell and run.
It's the new cars that combine the genius of mind, muscle
and the assembly line. [Thud]
But I'll tell you what I'll do for you
because I love your face.
You remind me of my own grandfather
rest his soul, a man of dignity
down through his declining years
until he died rescuing a capsized boatload of people
on the east river. I'll give you 25 bucks for it.
Probably have to tear it down
sell it wheel by wheel, bolt by bolt
to itinerant junkmen that come around
but 25 I'll go.
$25?
Mm-hm.
I kind of need the money
but couldn't you make it 30?
You try me, old friend.
What does that mean?
That means that 25 is going...
That means that 25 is gone! [Clank]
There we are.
Ten,
20, and 25.
There we are.
Now, I'll tell you what you do.
You go in that office there.
You take your car registration papers...
Hold it, did I say car?
Vehicle, hm.
Now, here, hm.
[Chuckles and hums]
[Mischie vous music]
Comfy? [Chuckles]
[Metallic clank]
Signed, sealed and delivered, Mr. Uh...
Hunnicut.
Oh, yes, and here are the keys.
Thank you.
Oh, by the way, Mr. Hunnicut.
There is one other small item
I ought to mention to you about the car.
Do, do.
It's haunted.
Haunted? [Chuckles]
You don't say.
Oh, yes, without a doubt.
The car is quite haunted.
It's been haunted
ever since it came off the assembly line
and every single one of its owners
can attest to this fact.
Well, now, I don't suppose
you'd mind telling me how it's haunted, hm?
You sign right there. Or how I can UN-haunt it?
Oh, you'll find out soon enough.
I will.
As for UN-haunting it
you'll have to sell the car.
Well, good day, Mr. Hunnicut.
It's been a real pleasure.
Likewise, likewise.
I think you may find
that you have actually gotten the best of the bargain at that.
My ancient friend, you do me the ultimate injustice.
Our little transaction, haunted or otherwise
was my charity case for the day.
You dwell on that, will you?
Dwell on it.
No, no, no, Mr. Hunnicut.
You dwell on it.
And I rather think you will.
Well?
How much is it?
It's not for sale. [Chuckles]
[Suspense music]
Why not?
Uh. Well, I don't know.
This car we were just sitting in.
That's the one you were pushing.
Yeah, sure.
I, I guess I'm not pushing it anymore.
This is a wreck, it's a rum-dum.
Oh. It hasn't got any points, it hasn't got any rings
it hasn't got any plugs
and it'll leak gasoline like it owns every oil well in Texas.
But the tires
are very bad, and the chassis's been bent
and if I said anything about it being a runabout
why, I meant it would run about a block and then stop.
And it'll cost you double what you pay for it
when you start taking it in for repairs
and you'll start taking it in for repairs
every third thursda y of the month.
Well, what else have you got?
Oh, what else, well,
well, I'll,
I haven't anything else worthwhile to show you. [Suspense music]
Everything in this lot should have been condemned years ago.
I got more lemons per square foot
than a fruit grower in salinas.
And what you ought to do
you ought to hit one of those reputable places
and get what you pay for, and something you really like
but, uh, you shouldn't come around here anymore.
Okay.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Oh, hey,
never mind.
Let's go look at television sets.
[Mischie vous music]
[Eerie music]
(Man) Sorry, I'm la te, boss.
I was down at the junkyard
checking on the '34 Chevy wheel discs.
I found four of them.
Hey, what's the action, boss?
Hm? Oh, things are a little quiet around...
Irv, you won't believe what I...
Nah, you won't.
Hey, how about trying to move that '35 essex?
Move it is right.
It won't get anywhere under its own power.
Knock it down to 55
tell everybody it's a museum piece, last of its kind.
And look!
You keep that hood closed.
How many times I gotta tell you
when you got an engine you can't see for rust
you don't go advertising the fact you're trying to job a car
that carried French soldiers to the first battle of the marne.
Now listen, Irv, I...
Want you to put a sign on the car
that says it's for sale as is, no guarantees
and I think you better open up
both sides of the hood so they can get
a better look a t the eng/ne.
You want to sell it or keep it for an heirloom?
What's the matter?
Do I look all right to you, Irv?
What did you have for dinner?
No, no, this is nuts.
This is power of suggestion or something.
Hey, that old gleep that sold me
that model-a, a real nutsy.
Gave me a song and dance
about a haunted car.
[Chuckles] You get that? Haunted car.
And I was stupid enough
to stand there and listen to him.
What I should have done was call up the local hatch
reserved a rubber room for him. Ha!
Honey, this is your ever-loving.
Now, look, baby about tonight
I'm going to be a little late.
Well, it's inventory time.
Look, I told you it was inventory time.
What I'm going to be doing tonight is I... [eerie music]
I'm going to be playing poker with the boys
and when I told you it was inventory time last month
I was playing poker with the boys then.
(Woman, over phone) You were doing what?
Honey, don't listen to me!
This is nuts, I'm sick or something.
Look, what I'm really going to be doing tonight
is I'm... going to be playing poker with the boys.
What is this?
Am I crazy or something?
I got no control over what I'm saying.
I got no control...
I rv. [Mischie vous music]
I'm in the midst of a calamity.
That old gleep iwas telling you about
the one who said that car was haunted.
He was right.
Whoever owns that car has to tell the truth.
Hey, Irv, you dig?
Did you ever hear anything more ghastly?
Me, Harvey hunnicut
from now on, as long as I own that car
I have to tell the truth.
[Mischie vous music]
Well, here are the signs you wanted, boss.
Yeah.
I've heard of low pressure before, boss
but let's face it. This is no pressure.
[Groans]
Irv, you know my wife isn't speaking to me.
Would that that were your only worry, boss.
You haven't moved a car off the lot in three days.
I know.
That old lady who came in yesterday afternoon
to buy that old auburn. Let's level now.
How do you start a sales pitch by telling the customer
that if the car was one year older
Moses could have driven it across the red sea? [Chuckles]
There's a limit to honesty, boss!
Irving, I...
[Sighs]
I used to feel that way myself.
I hate to bother you now, boss
but it's that thing about my raise.
Your raise?
Well, it's six months today
I don't want to bug you, but you promised
that in six months if I'd sold three cars,
that you would turn...
Oh. Yeah, well, sure.
When I... I...
The day you get more money out of me,
it'll be below zero in the fijis.
Every yokel who works here
starts and stops at the same salary.
I onl y dangle tha t raise in front of them
justas long as it takes them to get wise.
Irv. Irv.
For you to get more money out of me
would be just about as easy
as pouring hot butter into a wildcat's ear.
Irv, that hurt me more than it did you.
Correc t/on.
This is going to hurt you a lot more than it hurts me.
[Punch]
[Mischie vous music]
What's your pleasure, sir?
Oh, Luther grimbley here.
Honest Luther grimbley.
30 years in politics, currently up for reelection.
Alderman, 13th ward. You've probably heard of me.
Delighted.
Something nice in a model-a?
Beautiful, isn't it?
That depends.
If you take 12 aspirin and shut your eyes tight
you might call it beautiful.
But in the cold light of day, son,
it's a wreck.
What about its condition?
Well, let me tell you one thing... [eerie music]
The block's cracked.
Block cracked?
Block cracked.
What else?
You can see for yourself.
You take a good look at these tires.
The rubber's shot.
Yeah, sure is.
Might be good for a few years
not many, though.
Many?
This car is living on borrowed time.
What... what's she worth?
Assuming some clod who wanted a real bum car
to use for a gag or something
maybe, uh, 50 bucks?
50 bucks!
All right, maybe 60.
Why not 30?
You don't understand, do you?
This is a bad car, you see. It's a lemon.
Lemon? [Chuckles]
Why you dirty dog, you.
You clever son of a gun.
That's the truth. The absolute truth.
I've seen all kinds of routines
all kinds of routines
but you clever little cookie, you.
This is the old reverse English, isn't it?
The old twister-oo?
Why you sharp-shooting, sharpie!
You knew iwanted it, didn't you?
You little devil you!
You knew I wanted it.
I'll tell you what.
I'll give you 25 bucks for it.
On account of it's good politics to drive an old car.
Makes people think you're not getting rich off of them.
25 bucks!
How about 22 and a half?
Huh?
I didn't notice the dent in the Fender.
I mean $22.50, the car and no strings.
No, uh, strings?
You better trot out the strings, buddy boy.
I want to know what I'm getting.
Well, $22.50, the car as is, and, uh...
And, uh, what?
Uh, well, uh, the car's haunted.
Haunted?
The car is haunted?
[Chuckles]
So it's haunted.
I swear, you're the cleverest cookie in the...
You ought to be in politics. [Chuckles]
Haunted?
Yes.
How is it haunted?
[Well, whoever owns it has to tell the truth. Uaughs]
Whoever owns it has to tell the truth?
The whole truth, and the only way
he can stop telling the truth is to sell the car.
How about this baby? [Suspense music]
That's no baby.
That's a great-g ran dfath er.
Hasn't got any transmission, no rear end, no axle.
That one's shot.
That's the goods, is it?
You have to tell the truth, don't you?
That's it.
That's the reason for the song and dance.
You have to tell the truth.
Well, what about the model-a?
I mean, in spite of the fact that it's haunted
it's, it's still a swell... Conversation piece.
For some people, maybe
but not for old, honest Luther grimbley.
Buddy boy, I'm in politics.
When you tell me
I got to start telling the truth all the time
holy Hanna!
You know something?
I couldn't make a single political speech.
I couldn't run for office again. [Chuckles]
Now why don't you sell this car
to boss Ryan over at 12th ward.
I'd love to hear him tell the truth just once.
Or the mayor, the mayor!
Why don't you?
Hey, why not even to this guy, huh?
Who? This fella?
Say, that's not a bad idea.
If you could get him to tell the truth
that might be the greatest gag of all time.
[Muttering]
Yeah.
Why not, huh? [Chuckles]
Oh, boy!
That would be... [chuckles
[cheerful music]
Your reasoning seems valid, Mr. Hunnicut.
It's your motives that we're concerned
don't worry about my motives.
I don't wanna cheat you. I bought it for 25 bucks
I'm selling for 25. Talk it over with your boss.
[Mischie vous music]
We'll accept your terms, Mr. Hunnicut.
You say $25 American money.
25 American dollars.
I got the papers.
Now, this is the bill of sale
the transfer of title, the car registration.
Have your boss sign all three on the dotted lines.
I'm empowered to handle the signatures...
Oh, no. No. The boss has to sign them, you dig?
The boss, the boss has to sign them.
A sort of memento or souvenir, is that it?
Uh, yeah, something like that.
Well, I'll see what I can do.
Here we are.
And here is the money.
25 American dollars.
You lucky dog, you.
You got a million bucks worth of propaganda here
you know that?
All you have to do is to try to tell your folks
that this is the kind of a car
the average American drives.
You try and tell them that.
These are your copies, these are mine.
That does it.
Your boss is now the new owner of this car. [Chuckles]
Drive it right off, buddy boy.
You drive it right off.
Is this the living end!
And I got his signature right here.
Nikita khrushchev.
[Dialing telephone]
Uh, long distance?
Operator, say, if an American citizen
has something real important in the way of news...
Uh, well,
I mean if it affects the foreign policy of the United States
well, what I'd really like to know is, uh,
can you get me through to Jack Kennedy?
(Narraz'or) Couldn't happen you sa y?
Far-fetched, way out, til t-of-center?
Possible, but the next time you buyan automobile
if it happens to look
as if it's gone through the battle of the marne
and the seller is ready to throw into the bargain one of his arms
be part/cularl y careful in explain/ng to the boss
about your gra ndmo ther's funeral
when you were actuall y a t cha vez ra vine wa tch/ng the Dodgers.
It'll bea fact that you're the proud possessor
of an instrument of truth
manufactured and distributed byan exclusive dealer
in the twilight zone.
(Male presenter, off) Rod serling, orea Tor of the twilight zone
will tell you about next week's story
after this word from our al terna te sponsor.
And now, Mr. Serl/ng.
Next week, we bring you a show called "the invaders"
written by Mr. Richard Matheson.
And in this room you'll watch miss Agnes moorehead
in a tension-riddled attempt at escape
from a pair of very improbable housebreakers.
This one we recommend to science fiction buffs, fantasy lovers
or to anyone who wants to grip the edge of his seat
and take a 24-minute trip into the realm of terror.
[Suspense music]
(Male voice) Fl please, please don't be a litterbug fl
fl 'cause every litter bit hurts. Fl
[clank]