1 00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:06,679 Catherine is a witch. 2 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:12,679 And the day she came to Russia was a dark day for our country. 3 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:16,280 Five holes she put in me. 4 00:00:19,399 --> 00:00:23,440 But could she kill the son of Peter the Great? 5 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:27,160 Exactly. Not a fucking chance! 6 00:00:27,879 --> 00:00:32,920 Ordained by God to rule our great land and loving you all as I do. 7 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:36,719 And God does too. We chat about it all the fucking time. 8 00:00:37,439 --> 00:00:41,719 Yeah, he loves you more than fried quail and aioli. 9 00:00:43,359 --> 00:00:46,719 She fucking has a black tongue 10 00:00:46,799 --> 00:00:48,880 in the shape of a bat. 11 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:50,640 She once 12 00:00:51,359 --> 00:00:52,600 stuck it up my ass! 13 00:00:53,359 --> 00:00:56,399 Tried to end me, for she hated my love for you. 14 00:00:56,479 --> 00:00:59,799 But instead I rose up! 15 00:01:01,359 --> 00:01:03,280 And with your help, 16 00:01:03,359 --> 00:01:06,159 we will take that heretical bitch 17 00:01:06,239 --> 00:01:10,359 and fertilize our land with her ground-up bones! 18 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:16,680 She is not ordained by God as I am, and she refuses to ordain Paul the First, 19 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:20,719 Peter the Great's fucking blood! 20 00:01:20,799 --> 00:01:25,359 She is building a school and a vaccination center in this town. 21 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:29,280 Poison for our minds. Poison for our bodies! 22 00:01:29,359 --> 00:01:33,359 Let's go burn that shit down! 23 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,000 And afterwards, 24 00:01:36,719 --> 00:01:41,480 form an orderly line to suck the massive cock of Peter the Third. 25 00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:54,480 I suspect you'd like to be front of that queue, Patriarch. 26 00:01:56,079 --> 00:01:58,000 Just do your job, Pugachev. 27 00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:11,879 It doesn't even look like me. 28 00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:15,800 - The eyes are wrong. - Not just the fucking eyes, Velementov. 29 00:02:15,879 --> 00:02:20,400 I think traditionally an effigy has a kind of hateful pastiche quality. 30 00:02:20,479 --> 00:02:22,199 In which case, it's quite effective. 31 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,479 - The hair's good. - No, it's not. 32 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,400 - And they do what with it? - Parade it round the town. 33 00:02:27,479 --> 00:02:30,680 Then they all line up to fuck it in the arse and spit in its face. 34 00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:32,560 - And vice versa. - What? 35 00:02:32,879 --> 00:02:35,560 - Fuck it in the face. Spit in its arse. - Yes, I get it. Thank you. 36 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:40,000 - They hate me? - They're the wrong blue. 37 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:41,599 I think that's the problem. 38 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:44,759 Yours are more crystalline. The eyes. 39 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,280 For fuck's sake, Velementov. I said less booze. 40 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:49,159 - Was I drunk when you said it? - Yes. 41 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,240 Well, wrong time to tell me then. 42 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:54,639 - Where's Elizabeth? - I don't know. 43 00:02:54,719 --> 00:02:56,800 We have a massive problem. 44 00:02:56,879 --> 00:02:58,759 They burnt five towns to the ground. 45 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:01,719 This man is pretending to be Peter, whipping up the crowds, 46 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:03,840 telling them he escaped you trying to kill him, 47 00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:08,159 railing against your heritage, your Germanness, your horse-fucking. 48 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,879 Apparently he even has five stab wounds in him. 49 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:11,960 He what? 50 00:03:12,039 --> 00:03:15,360 He's a very convincing Peter, say reports from clergy who've seen him. 51 00:03:15,439 --> 00:03:18,560 - A real look-alike. - Is it Pugachev? 52 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:22,560 - I had thought it. - Five stabs. Didn't you do five? 53 00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:24,639 - Yes. - Guess he didn't take it very well. 54 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:29,400 We need to find him, crush him, juice him and spit the pips into the sea. 55 00:03:30,039 --> 00:03:31,319 I should apologize to him. 56 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:32,400 - What? - I'm sorry? 57 00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:34,199 It's revenge, clearly, for what I did to him. 58 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:38,080 Let's kill him first and apologize second. He's more likely to accept it that way. 59 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:42,439 Peter the Great's greatest fear was exactly this. 60 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:46,680 Some brush fire that builds to conflagration. 61 00:03:46,759 --> 00:03:48,919 Millions of peasants get the idea that they can take you out. 62 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:52,479 They could, easily, and what they'd do to you would make that effigy 63 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:54,439 look like it had had an easy life. 64 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,039 Well said, Velementov. 65 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,280 Get me a plan by morning then. 66 00:03:58,599 --> 00:04:01,400 Or maybe I should have one of your officers? Maybe Petrov? 67 00:04:01,479 --> 00:04:04,039 Petrov's a fucking pup. 68 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,240 I can do this. 69 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:07,479 I'll see you in the morning. 70 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,240 You think he can do this? 71 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:16,000 Definitely the right man for the job. 72 00:04:17,319 --> 00:04:18,399 Morning. 73 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:23,199 Did a package arrive? I am to receive new shoes. 74 00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:24,720 Stop buying shoes, Maxim. 75 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:27,360 My style has become much talked about at court. 76 00:04:27,439 --> 00:04:29,000 "Maximesque" has become a phrase. 77 00:04:29,079 --> 00:04:30,680 We don't have endless amounts of money. 78 00:04:30,759 --> 00:04:33,000 I live large. That's Maxim. 79 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:37,199 Also, everyone at court is talking about this guy pretending to be Peter, 80 00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:38,439 riling up the peasants. 81 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,600 She needs to go unleash a wave of bloodshed on those fuckers. 82 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,879 - Pretending to be Peter? - That's what the daily pamphlet says. 83 00:04:44,959 --> 00:04:49,040 Also, don't be angry, but tell me these aren't stunning. 84 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:00,519 Salty. 85 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,319 Spicy. Some notes of turnip top. 86 00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:27,680 What are you doing? 87 00:05:28,439 --> 00:05:30,120 Darling. Paul has colic. 88 00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:32,560 So a festival of tit-sucking is needed to celebrate this? 89 00:05:32,639 --> 00:05:36,079 This is his wet nurse rotation. Leaving aside the fact you don't know that, 90 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,160 I am ascertaining if their milk is to blame. 91 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:39,759 It is. You're all fired. 92 00:05:41,959 --> 00:05:43,079 Although, Licorice, you can stay, 93 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,680 as I'm interested in Jean-Pierre turning yours into a panna cotta. 94 00:05:47,519 --> 00:05:51,199 - A big Catherine doll. For Paul? - No. 95 00:05:51,959 --> 00:05:56,399 Pugachev is in the regions, whipping up unrest and turning out hate dolls, 96 00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:59,600 which then they... do things to. 97 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:01,560 - Look! - Pugachev. The fucker! 98 00:06:02,879 --> 00:06:05,839 I wondered what happened to him. Well, "wondered" is too strong a term. 99 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:10,800 Exactly. Never occurred to us. We are monsters. We should apologize. 100 00:06:10,879 --> 00:06:13,079 Fuck that. He was hired to be a look-alike. 101 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,240 Part of that is knowing you will take a knife to the throat 102 00:06:15,319 --> 00:06:17,680 or a saber to the balls at any point for your beloved leader 103 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:20,360 and be happy about it. As he took five stabs, 104 00:06:20,439 --> 00:06:22,920 he should be very content that he was an excellent employee. 105 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,399 Well, he's clearly anything but fucking content. 106 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:28,040 He's out in the regions raising an army of peasants against me, 107 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,600 burning towns, all the while pretending to be you. 108 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:32,319 - Me? - It seems so. 109 00:06:32,399 --> 00:06:35,480 And the people rise in violence for me? 110 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,600 Yes. Against me. 111 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:43,480 Are you actually moved by that? 112 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:46,680 - They love me. - Jesus Christ. That's not the point. 113 00:06:46,759 --> 00:06:50,759 Although how can they hate me when all I do is ponder how to better their lives, 114 00:06:50,839 --> 00:06:53,639 and love you, who never spent a moment on it? 115 00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:57,079 It's chemistry. I have chemistry with the people. You do not. 116 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:58,879 You need to destroy him and everyone around him. 117 00:06:58,959 --> 00:07:01,040 You don't let trouble start in Russia. 118 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:05,000 "A fire in your own house," as Daddy would say, "must get no oxygen." 119 00:07:05,079 --> 00:07:07,560 So I heard. Velementov is developing a plan. 120 00:07:08,639 --> 00:07:10,240 I must deal with Paul's colic. 121 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:12,680 Of course. Poor Paul. 122 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:17,120 Paul, they love Daddy. 123 00:07:17,759 --> 00:07:19,879 They still love Daddy. 124 00:07:22,639 --> 00:07:24,560 Yes. Brilliant. 125 00:07:27,879 --> 00:07:28,920 Morning. 126 00:07:30,439 --> 00:07:33,240 Pugachev! Your fingerprints are on this. 127 00:07:33,319 --> 00:07:36,759 Isn't it marvelous? The irony, the wit. 128 00:07:36,839 --> 00:07:38,600 It's one of my best moments. 129 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,959 All for God though. No ego involved. 130 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,639 - What are you doing? - Just being my incredible self. 131 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:47,680 - Serving God, exercising my gifts. - I am not involved in this. 132 00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:51,319 Other than you know. So, complicit. So... 133 00:07:51,399 --> 00:07:53,920 No, no, no, no. Why is this happening again? 134 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,319 - I'll just fucking tell her. - We are too loyal for that. 135 00:07:57,120 --> 00:08:00,439 Don't press too hard on that. Everything breaks at some point. 136 00:08:00,519 --> 00:08:01,600 Relax. 137 00:08:02,519 --> 00:08:06,920 She is now on the back foot, terrified. 138 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,079 An uprising. 139 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:11,240 Leaders like to think they're gods, that people will love them. 140 00:08:11,319 --> 00:08:12,959 Well, they don't. 141 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:15,319 - They're making hate fuck dolls. - They're what? 142 00:08:15,399 --> 00:08:18,439 The Russian peasant is passionate and very good at craft. 143 00:08:18,519 --> 00:08:23,040 - Point is we make her desperate. - Don't say "we." This is not a "we." 144 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,120 And when she is truly terrified, 145 00:08:25,199 --> 00:08:27,920 then the exciting rescue... me! 146 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:31,800 I come in, save her, make a deal, get rid of Pugachev. 147 00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,960 She starts to listen to me more. 148 00:08:34,039 --> 00:08:39,080 Paul is ordained. There is one church. She slows down her changes. 149 00:08:39,159 --> 00:08:42,320 I will have built a little house of fear 150 00:08:42,399 --> 00:08:45,080 I can kick the door in on when I see fit. 151 00:08:45,159 --> 00:08:48,919 She has a reminder of who has the power in the people's hearts. 152 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:52,759 I will pause now for awed applause. 153 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:55,279 - I hate you. - You needn't worry. 154 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:59,360 She will be played delightfully. We will all be friends. 155 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,919 I dreamt she and I were in a bubble bath together. 156 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:07,039 I was soaping her relentlessly. 157 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:10,600 So much information, none of which I wanted or needed. 158 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:13,360 - It'll work. - It's me. 159 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:17,320 And God, hand in hand, dancing for the good of all. 160 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:30,679 Moose meat! Unthinkable. It's elk. It's always elk! 161 00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:33,159 Why will they not obey me? 162 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:43,200 Stop looking at your crown. We have work today. 163 00:09:43,279 --> 00:09:45,559 I think today is the day. Velementov is ripe. 164 00:09:46,799 --> 00:09:48,440 - Today? - Today. 165 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:54,080 Where were you this morning? You missed my raped effigy. 166 00:09:54,159 --> 00:09:55,879 I was tending to my butterflies. 167 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,039 You're not harboring anger about the ordination then? 168 00:09:58,519 --> 00:10:01,120 More intermittent rage. 169 00:10:02,159 --> 00:10:03,440 But intermittent. 170 00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:06,440 So now I'm with you, it's gone. Take your moment. 171 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:08,639 I need your help. 172 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,759 They're burning towns down. An uprising is building. 173 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:13,919 I heard. A fake Peter. 174 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:17,480 - Pugachev is this fake Peter. - Pugachev? 175 00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:20,440 Pugachev is not a political animal. He's just an animal. 176 00:10:20,519 --> 00:10:22,360 Who Peter says is a good employee. 177 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:25,240 So how does he go from a good employee to a revolutionary? 178 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:28,279 If he angered on my stabbing him, he seems like the sort of man-- 179 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:31,320 Who would just stab you, rape you and sell your clothes at an outdoor market. 180 00:10:31,399 --> 00:10:32,399 Yes. 181 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:33,919 So... 182 00:10:34,519 --> 00:10:37,879 - He perhaps has a new employer. - I was thinking that. 183 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:39,960 A mystery to unravel. 184 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:41,600 Such fun. 185 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:45,279 With a bit of help, maybe we could smoke them out. 186 00:10:47,159 --> 00:10:49,840 Severe colic. I'd say a chest infection as well. 187 00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:52,840 - I hate seeing him in pain. - Really? 188 00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:55,639 I love seeing people in pain. Excites me in a strange way. 189 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:57,679 Hence becoming a doctor. 190 00:10:57,759 --> 00:10:59,039 Torturer was the other way to go. 191 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:01,240 But the work is sporadic and has low status. 192 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,039 My father's words exactly. 193 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:05,440 Potassium nitrate, rhubarb and some mercury. 194 00:11:05,519 --> 00:11:07,039 - Great. - A few side effects. 195 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:08,360 Droopy eye and gout. 196 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,120 - Gout? - Gout. Shit like foie gras. 197 00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:13,720 Fuck off, Vinodel. I will cure him myself. 198 00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:16,039 I will use one of my old nurse's herbal remedy books. 199 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,279 Don't worry, Paul. 200 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,120 Daddy will cure you. 201 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:32,159 Fuck. 202 00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:34,799 That about sums it up. 203 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,480 - Hello, Daddy. - Hello indeed. 204 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,960 - Shouldn't you be resting in peace? - I was. 205 00:11:44,039 --> 00:11:46,639 Then you took over my apartments, broke my line, 206 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:49,120 smashed the legacy of a thousand-year reign 207 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,679 and breastfed in front of me. 208 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:55,519 The point is, you are in trouble and Daddy is here to help. 209 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,240 I don't actually need help. 210 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:01,120 - I'm content. - Content. 211 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,960 Is there an uglier word in the language? No real man is ever content. 212 00:12:05,039 --> 00:12:07,840 There's always more to get and that "more" is not enough. 213 00:12:07,919 --> 00:12:11,240 But luckily, there's always fucking more beyond that "more." 214 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:12,720 - My motto. - I remember. 215 00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:14,840 My people fucking love me. 216 00:12:14,919 --> 00:12:17,600 So what? They love watching pigs fuck in the snow. 217 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:19,200 You know the worst thing about being a ghost? 218 00:12:19,279 --> 00:12:21,679 You're dead and can't have more and then more and then even more. 219 00:12:21,759 --> 00:12:24,120 Yes, and when your living son needs a beating, you can't give it to him. 220 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,519 Makes you feel a failure as a father. 221 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,360 - I don't need a beating. - Here's an idea. 222 00:12:28,879 --> 00:12:32,039 I want you to punch yourself in the eye very hard. 223 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:36,039 I want to hear the sound of a crisp spring apple being bitten when you do it. 224 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:37,919 - Go. - I'm not punching myself. 225 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,600 - Are you making Daddy wait? - No, I... 226 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:43,519 Will you go if I do it? 227 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:46,240 I will. 228 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:51,000 If the sound is satisfactory and it makes you go and kill your wife, 229 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:53,360 ordain your baby and tit-fuck those wet nurses, 230 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,240 I will rest in peace. 231 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:56,919 I'm busy curing Paul. 232 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,639 - Poor Paul. He has colic. - That's not what I meant. 233 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:05,279 - They fucking love me, the people. - What does it matter? You gave it away. 234 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:06,279 Fuck off! 235 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:13,799 What? 236 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:18,600 Agnes. 237 00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:22,000 I know I said you could never fuck me, but I am shaking inside. 238 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:25,559 And I'm going to the forest tonight. I will throw it to fate. 239 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,360 - Meaning? - You find me, you fuck me. 240 00:13:30,399 --> 00:13:33,000 Well, I'm making a plan for-- 241 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,799 Know the moment when victory is there to be had. 242 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:37,639 You missed it in Sweden. 243 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,360 Well, I'm planning for Pu... 244 00:13:41,519 --> 00:13:43,279 Yes. Here's something, Paul, yes. 245 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,279 Okay. Yes, we have it. 246 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:46,559 Hugo. 247 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,559 I wanted a king to witness it. 248 00:13:49,639 --> 00:13:51,480 Not that you're a king anymore, but we make do. 249 00:13:51,559 --> 00:13:53,799 - Hugo? - Thank you for always being a friend. 250 00:13:53,879 --> 00:13:55,720 Fucking hell. No! 251 00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:58,720 No, not near the sofa? Or... 252 00:13:59,759 --> 00:14:02,360 Paul's here. Right. Good fathering. 253 00:14:03,279 --> 00:14:04,720 Move him so I don't get blood on him. 254 00:14:07,919 --> 00:14:09,080 Look at him. 255 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:13,200 I could weep when I think of the world we leave you. 256 00:14:13,879 --> 00:14:16,360 - What's wrong? - But leave I must. 257 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:24,960 They keep using moose meat in the meatballs here. 258 00:14:25,039 --> 00:14:29,000 And I tell them it's too coarse, but they don't fucking care because I'm... 259 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:31,240 - I'm not a king. - I'll talk to them. 260 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,240 You're not a fucking king either. 261 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:37,080 Talk to your wife to talk to them, when she's not driving your country to ruin. 262 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,320 I hear your look-alike's out pretending to be you. 263 00:14:39,399 --> 00:14:41,519 Indeed. He's whipping up revolution 264 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,480 out of the incredible love my peasants and serfs have for me. 265 00:14:44,559 --> 00:14:46,399 Maybe he can build a legacy for you, 266 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:49,879 because truth is, you don't fucking have one. 267 00:14:51,799 --> 00:14:54,559 What the fuck? Some courtesies remain, no matter how sad your brain is. 268 00:14:54,639 --> 00:14:58,159 - Such as kings should lie to each other? - They love me, you fuck. 269 00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,480 Name one thing you did. One thing. 270 00:15:02,799 --> 00:15:06,720 - A big bell had been commissioned. - Ding-dong for the fucking bell. 271 00:15:06,799 --> 00:15:09,360 Catherine will be remembered as an iconic figure 272 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,399 and you a fucking blip who held the door for her. 273 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:15,240 I will load the gun and let you back at it if you don't still your mouth. 274 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:18,000 You should kill yourself too. You're almost as bad as me. 275 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:21,600 Please fill my mouth with the barrel and have Paul pull the trigger. 276 00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:23,639 Paul, the serf. 277 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,120 How dare you? 278 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,879 Is he ordained? Then he's a fucking serf. 279 00:15:30,799 --> 00:15:32,679 8Oh, fuck. 280 00:15:32,759 --> 00:15:37,000 We were raised as men and ended up vulva with hands. 281 00:15:38,639 --> 00:15:41,399 I should kill you, for Paul's sake, and then myself. 282 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:43,279 Bye! 283 00:15:46,919 --> 00:15:48,559 For fuck's sake! 284 00:15:59,519 --> 00:16:00,799 Uncle Hugo. 285 00:16:01,279 --> 00:16:02,639 So funny, Paul. 286 00:16:03,559 --> 00:16:04,840 Think nothing of it. 287 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:08,639 Or of anything he said, which is all madness and lies. 288 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:24,559 I do love you. 289 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:26,639 Vinodel, are you drunk? 290 00:16:27,559 --> 00:16:29,919 I'm mostly high on purple dust, some cocaine 291 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,039 and your heady, post-fucked scent. 292 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:33,519 You are sweet. 293 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:37,600 I am fucking you far too often and it is bending your brain a little. 294 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,159 I've watched you for many years. 295 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:43,840 - Sick and yet thrilling. - The Peter the Great days. 296 00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:45,759 Remember I pronounced him dead? 297 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:48,480 You tried to carry him through the halls to help. 298 00:16:48,559 --> 00:16:49,559 Yes. 299 00:16:49,639 --> 00:16:52,840 And for years I've watched you refuse to put him down. 300 00:16:52,919 --> 00:16:54,279 But I say this... 301 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:56,600 put him down and pick me up. 302 00:16:56,679 --> 00:16:58,080 He is dead. I'm not. 303 00:16:59,399 --> 00:17:01,240 It's not just the fucking. 304 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,279 I'm a man of science. 305 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:04,720 Curiosity is my lead. 306 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:07,960 To unravel mystery. 307 00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:11,559 You are a mystery I could spend my life unraveling. 308 00:17:15,759 --> 00:17:19,480 You are a strange man. You should go. I have much to do. 309 00:17:19,799 --> 00:17:21,519 - At this hour? - Yes. 310 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,599 That mystery. Enticing. 311 00:17:51,519 --> 00:17:55,000 There is a big fire I fear will burn us all to cinders. 312 00:17:55,079 --> 00:17:56,480 Best ring the bell. 313 00:18:14,799 --> 00:18:17,400 - Is it a drill? - I don't know. 314 00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:23,240 I was dreaming of fucking Catherine. 315 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:25,039 Me too. 316 00:18:26,759 --> 00:18:27,799 Weird. 317 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,200 I get it a lot. 318 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,000 Yeah. 319 00:18:33,559 --> 00:18:34,680 Me too. 320 00:18:36,799 --> 00:18:39,319 - I need to bring more shoes! - Just go! 321 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:42,119 What is going on? 322 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:45,319 It's fine. We're just on a little fact-finding mission. 323 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:48,279 - Raiding Georgina's apartments. - Then Archie's. 324 00:19:05,599 --> 00:19:07,720 Why is this happening again? 325 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,240 Fuck. Fuck it. 326 00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:31,200 Who knew George could even write. 327 00:19:35,039 --> 00:19:37,920 She actually writes passionately about me and our goals. 328 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:40,519 Just to herself. 329 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,559 - What are you wearing? - Smolny's coat. 330 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:46,720 - Anything? - Nothing. 331 00:19:46,799 --> 00:19:48,680 Except that he's desperate for a pegging. 332 00:19:48,759 --> 00:19:51,440 He's written to every servant girl asking them to do it. 333 00:19:51,519 --> 00:19:53,319 - All said no. - Except Petra. 334 00:19:54,519 --> 00:19:57,680 Smolny. Always begging for a pegging. 335 00:19:57,759 --> 00:19:59,200 Where to next? 336 00:19:59,279 --> 00:20:01,160 Arkady. Then Archie. 337 00:20:15,759 --> 00:20:17,240 - I hate you. - Impossible. 338 00:20:17,319 --> 00:20:19,519 I've got a pussy full of your Pugachev stuff. 339 00:20:19,599 --> 00:20:21,799 She's going through the building. Fuck. 340 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:22,799 Thanks. 341 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:27,559 - Complicit now, aren't you? - Really annoyed at you right now. 342 00:20:34,599 --> 00:20:35,920 Agnes. 343 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,880 Ever seen a Caravaggio? 344 00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:43,200 The light streaming at you is alike. 345 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:48,000 Though he never painted anything as beautiful. 346 00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:57,759 I kept thinking I would die without your lips on mine just once. 347 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:00,400 - Fuck. - Yes, please. 348 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,039 Not here. 349 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:04,160 By the river. 350 00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:15,119 Nothing. 351 00:21:15,519 --> 00:21:18,160 - Should I be reassured? - No. 352 00:21:19,079 --> 00:21:21,000 How is your intermittent rage? 353 00:21:21,079 --> 00:21:23,759 It did not stretch to setting Pugachev loose, did it? 354 00:21:23,839 --> 00:21:25,440 You did say you fucked him once. 355 00:21:25,519 --> 00:21:29,119 And he was very rude and asked for four rubles and a live quail. 356 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:30,799 But no, it did not. 357 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:34,079 Disagree we might, but die together we will. 358 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:38,880 Good on you for thinking it, though. How necessarily dark your mind grows. 359 00:21:39,559 --> 00:21:40,720 Huzzah. 360 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:42,720 We will best whoever it is. 361 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:45,160 Of course we will. 362 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:50,000 I've always thought it was my destiny to be the most loved 363 00:21:50,079 --> 00:21:52,400 and longest reigning monarch in all of Russia. 364 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,000 Let's just shoot for longest, shall we? 365 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:58,640 Where's dawn? 366 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:01,319 I can't fucking hold out. 367 00:22:18,759 --> 00:22:21,480 Something for me. Something for Sweden. 368 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,319 They all hate me. 369 00:22:37,839 --> 00:22:40,359 I wish I had advice, but of course they love me, so it's hard to relate. 370 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:43,119 They hated you and you were fucking terrible at the job. 371 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:47,319 - You may be lashing out. - I am, but it doesn't make it untrue. 372 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,160 And how can they be so angry at me when I am right? 373 00:22:51,319 --> 00:22:52,839 And what if-- 374 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:54,480 They gather enough force to march on Petersburg, 375 00:22:54,559 --> 00:22:56,039 come to sack the palace, burn your body, 376 00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:58,960 and throw your pretty, charred corpse off the roof to a gleeful crowd below? 377 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:00,920 It happened in Sweden. 378 00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:04,960 You could give it back to me, I suppose. 379 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,079 - What? - Well, they love me. 380 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,400 It would calm things down. You find Pugachev-- 381 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,200 Are you behind this? Pugachev? 382 00:23:13,279 --> 00:23:14,759 - That is mad. - Is it? 383 00:23:14,839 --> 00:23:19,519 Pugachev, the excellent employee? Elizabeth says someone is driving this. 384 00:23:20,599 --> 00:23:24,000 You are in a leadership paranoia spiral, seeing danger and monsters everywhere. 385 00:23:24,079 --> 00:23:25,160 Thank God. It will save you. 386 00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,880 My father slept an hour a night and was tormented by people coming at him. 387 00:23:28,279 --> 00:23:29,599 I suppose I am. 388 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:33,720 It is fine. It is fine. I'm overly worked up. 389 00:23:34,559 --> 00:23:36,160 Elizabeth will find the traitor driving this, 390 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,920 and Velementov is bringing me a plan, and we will end this fucking Pugachev. 391 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,279 - Thought you were going to say "sorry." - Go down on me. 392 00:23:43,279 --> 00:23:45,799 That's a sudden change of subject, but not an unwelcome one. 393 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,519 Sorry. I need to lose myself. I am in pieces a bit. 394 00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:51,039 I will pull you together. 395 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:05,440 Well, she looks content. 396 00:24:06,079 --> 00:24:09,240 Of course, she's got everything, so why wouldn't she? 397 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,519 - Where am I? - It's morning. 398 00:24:31,599 --> 00:24:34,799 - What happened? - I fear you're late for your meeting. 399 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:38,200 My meeting. 400 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,440 Where's my... my plan. 401 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:56,680 Archie! 402 00:24:56,759 --> 00:25:00,640 Friendly greeting from someone who punched and kicked me last time we met 403 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:04,119 and then failed fucking dismally to ordain his son. 404 00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,480 God is watching. He is very displeased. 405 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,160 Well, a simple hello would suffice. 406 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,079 Are there ghosts? And how does one get rid of them? 407 00:25:13,559 --> 00:25:14,960 - Am I a village witch? - Fine. 408 00:25:15,559 --> 00:25:18,079 Abandon your duty to aid an ordained one. 409 00:25:18,759 --> 00:25:20,759 What do the ghosts say? 410 00:25:20,839 --> 00:25:23,319 Not your business. Just tell me, how do I get rid of them? 411 00:25:24,079 --> 00:25:27,200 An exorcism perhaps, or you do as they wish and they go, 412 00:25:27,279 --> 00:25:30,359 or you resist them until the thing they're trying to bring forth dies inside you 413 00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:31,759 and the opportunity passes. 414 00:25:31,839 --> 00:25:33,079 Or they come from the devil, 415 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,039 in which case they aim to destroy you and you should resist. 416 00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:38,000 Complicated fucking answer. 417 00:25:38,079 --> 00:25:41,200 It's a complicated business. God, the veil, et cetera. 418 00:25:42,279 --> 00:25:43,680 What if it's Daddy? 419 00:25:44,319 --> 00:25:45,480 Peter the Great. 420 00:25:46,519 --> 00:25:49,039 Then you do as he fucking asks, of course. 421 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:51,319 Unhelpful. 422 00:25:52,799 --> 00:25:53,720 Aunt? 423 00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:57,160 - I need your help. - Do you indeed? 424 00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:00,680 Is it to get your son ordained? Oh, no, we failed at that. 425 00:26:00,759 --> 00:26:03,240 Can we all just put that fucking behind us? 426 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:04,559 Daddy's back. 427 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:07,599 - How is he? - Mad. 428 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,000 I need you to speak to him and tell him to leave me alone. 429 00:26:10,079 --> 00:26:11,359 He's saying sharp things. 430 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:15,039 It's making my head feel very heavy like there's water in it, or a cannonball. 431 00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:17,119 Or I'm the cannonball falling through water. I don't know. 432 00:26:17,559 --> 00:26:18,960 Will you speak to him? 433 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,960 - What's wrong? - I don't want to say. 434 00:26:23,039 --> 00:26:25,880 It would be cruel, considering you're feeling all cannonball and water. 435 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:26,880 Right. 436 00:26:27,559 --> 00:26:31,160 Well, now you need to say, so just say. Say it now please. 437 00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:34,319 Darling, I will never not love you. You know that. 438 00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:36,880 - But-- - Okay. Not loving where this is going. 439 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:40,400 I expected little from you and loved you freely. 440 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:43,279 But even the little I expected did not eventuate. 441 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,960 Harsh. But seems the sentiment of the day. 442 00:26:47,039 --> 00:26:50,480 You have left the future open for anyone, anywhere to write their name into it. 443 00:26:50,559 --> 00:26:53,599 - In blood, most likely. - I asked you to let this go. 444 00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,200 And I'm telling you, I can't. 445 00:26:56,279 --> 00:27:00,519 Peter, the future is not a place we can travel to when we are ready. 446 00:27:00,599 --> 00:27:03,319 It is a cough in her chest or poison in her veins. 447 00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,960 It is a man burning Russia down or a peasant who's had enough. 448 00:27:06,039 --> 00:27:08,880 I will not be told what to do with my son. 449 00:27:11,279 --> 00:27:13,440 But Daddy, will you speak to him or not? 450 00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:17,480 Of course. 451 00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:24,519 My love for you is a wave that washes everything else away. 452 00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:27,799 You are a son to me. 453 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:31,799 Well, you are the mother I never had. Thank you. 454 00:27:33,559 --> 00:27:36,160 Just use terms like, "Times are different. 455 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:37,839 "You're dead. Leave us alone. 456 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:39,640 "You misjudge your son who's actually brilliant, 457 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:42,039 "just in a way like a book in a language you cannot understand. 458 00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:45,200 "You don't get it and throw it at the wall when it is in fact a great book." 459 00:27:45,279 --> 00:27:46,960 Just talking points. I trust you on it. 460 00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:53,319 - I'm here. I'm here. - Oh, dear. 461 00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:54,680 General. 462 00:27:54,759 --> 00:27:57,119 - I'm late. - Or are you? 463 00:27:57,200 --> 00:27:58,480 Fucking trick question. 464 00:27:58,559 --> 00:28:00,200 - I have my plan to give. - Indeed you do. 465 00:28:00,279 --> 00:28:03,240 But let's just veer over here and rest for a moment. 466 00:28:03,599 --> 00:28:06,359 What if this was the plan? Late idea, but I think strong. 467 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:10,319 You do not go in there. I do. I say he's not late. Of course he's not. 468 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:12,720 He has, in fact, fallen from an angry horse 469 00:28:12,799 --> 00:28:14,920 while saving some children from an angry hawk, 470 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,319 hit his head and is now resting unconscious in his room. 471 00:28:17,799 --> 00:28:20,759 Let's reschedule. We, meanwhile, take you, put you in a sauna, 472 00:28:20,839 --> 00:28:24,079 leech all the vodka from your body and collect it in several gallon buckets, 473 00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:26,079 during which you'll invariably black out. 474 00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,519 And on waking, refreshed by the novel feeling 475 00:28:28,599 --> 00:28:31,400 of your own unadulterated blood coursing through your veins, 476 00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:34,599 dressed in a uniform that doesn't smell like a stag's douche, 477 00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:37,279 you go in there and work your magic. You like? 478 00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:38,680 Fuck off. 479 00:28:39,799 --> 00:28:41,480 Or we just go in. 480 00:28:45,759 --> 00:28:48,200 Fucking, fucking, fucking move! 481 00:28:48,279 --> 00:28:49,480 - I'm here. - You're late. 482 00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:50,880 I'm sorry. 483 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:55,240 Oh, good. You're drunk too. 484 00:28:55,319 --> 00:28:58,960 I'm Russian. Born fucking drunk. No bearing on my abilities. 485 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:03,680 There's knives sticking out of the table. Or am I seeing stuff? 486 00:29:03,759 --> 00:29:05,839 - Usually I just see bears. - That was me. 487 00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:09,000 Not necessary, I suppose, but I love the drama of it. 488 00:29:09,079 --> 00:29:10,640 Shows each village he's burnt down. 489 00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:14,200 Right. Well, we'll pull 'em out and we'll plunge him in his... 490 00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:18,480 Fucking... Fucking thing. 491 00:29:18,559 --> 00:29:22,039 I needed you to be on time with a plan, 492 00:29:22,119 --> 00:29:23,960 sober, here with me. 493 00:29:24,039 --> 00:29:26,640 I am several of those. I'm just missing a couple. 494 00:29:27,519 --> 00:29:28,799 - Jesus! - Had an update. 495 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:30,880 - One more. - Fuck. 496 00:29:32,359 --> 00:29:34,480 No! No more of that. 497 00:29:34,559 --> 00:29:37,440 Can you stop this man from coming to kill me and burning down Russia? 498 00:29:37,519 --> 00:29:39,960 I have a plan. My plan is... 499 00:29:42,799 --> 00:29:44,240 We get a lot of troops. 500 00:29:44,319 --> 00:29:48,119 We go door to door, we kick the truth out of people, 501 00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:50,759 find him and pop his head from his neck. 502 00:29:50,839 --> 00:29:54,359 And the timeline on that, this door-kicking of Russia? 503 00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:58,319 However long it takes to put this fucker in the ground. 504 00:29:58,400 --> 00:29:59,960 - Huzzah. - Huzzah! 505 00:30:00,039 --> 00:30:02,039 Everybody get out. Now. 506 00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:06,119 What are you doing? 507 00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:09,440 - Where the fuck were you? - Can we sit? 508 00:30:10,319 --> 00:30:12,119 You can't do it, can you? 509 00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:14,759 Choose anything over a fucking bottle. 510 00:30:14,839 --> 00:30:17,200 Not even me. Not even fucking Russia. 511 00:30:20,799 --> 00:30:22,480 Velementov, say something. 512 00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:28,440 Sorry. 513 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:32,920 Sorry. I need a couple of minutes. 514 00:30:33,359 --> 00:30:37,400 It's been a very long night, actually. I just need to gather my thought... 515 00:30:38,319 --> 00:30:40,759 Maybe a bath. I'll be back. 516 00:30:42,359 --> 00:30:45,279 No, don't. I don't think you can do this anymore. 517 00:30:47,119 --> 00:30:49,839 Of course I can. I can find him in my fucking sleep. 518 00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:52,519 - Not just finding him. - Well, killing him then! 519 00:30:53,519 --> 00:30:57,799 Stringing the man up by his fucking ankles and beating him until he's... 520 00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:01,160 until he cries blood. 521 00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,039 I cough it, but he'll cry it. 522 00:31:04,359 --> 00:31:05,480 Fuck me. 523 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:10,680 Catherine, he's... 524 00:31:14,599 --> 00:31:15,920 I'm here now. 525 00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:19,640 No, you're not. 526 00:31:20,039 --> 00:31:22,720 - You should rest. - I don't need fucking rest. 527 00:31:22,799 --> 00:31:25,519 Someone else can take over. Someone else can lead the army. 528 00:31:25,599 --> 00:31:27,319 You can't take this off me. 529 00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:29,039 Not now. 530 00:31:31,359 --> 00:31:33,000 You're just fucking punishing me. 531 00:31:34,079 --> 00:31:35,200 I'm leading. 532 00:31:35,839 --> 00:31:37,440 I'm saving my reign. 533 00:31:38,319 --> 00:31:40,160 It's a kindness, really. 534 00:31:41,839 --> 00:31:44,400 You are so tired and so sick. 535 00:31:45,519 --> 00:31:47,480 And so old. 536 00:31:48,799 --> 00:31:50,440 I can't lose this. 537 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,200 It's my skin, Catherine. 538 00:31:55,799 --> 00:31:57,480 It's my skin. 539 00:31:58,519 --> 00:32:00,799 I need men who are whole. I'm sorry. 540 00:32:20,039 --> 00:32:21,160 Saw the general go. 541 00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:23,680 Understand he's struggling. 542 00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:26,759 - If you need assistance-- - I need Pugachev, is what I need! 543 00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:30,599 - Why don't I just go find him? - How? 544 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:34,960 Or why don't I just go do it and then one day, when I'm bored, 545 00:32:35,039 --> 00:32:36,599 I'll write you a long letter telling you how I did it. 546 00:32:37,319 --> 00:32:39,400 - Insolence. - More a priorities thing. 547 00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:41,480 I take my leave. 548 00:32:41,559 --> 00:32:44,079 - I decide when you take your leave. - Of course. 549 00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:48,039 You are dismissed. 550 00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:51,839 - I said-- - I know. 551 00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:53,440 But you're not exactly known for brevity, 552 00:32:53,519 --> 00:32:55,920 so I was waiting, assuming there was more. 553 00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,440 But there's not. So I'll go find him. 554 00:33:01,839 --> 00:33:04,000 Why is everyone such a fucker today? 555 00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:07,000 I'm here. 556 00:33:09,359 --> 00:33:10,279 Waiting. 557 00:33:11,759 --> 00:33:15,519 I was always waiting for you in these rooms, hoping you'd come. 558 00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:19,279 Feels very familiar. 559 00:33:20,279 --> 00:33:23,839 Butterflies in my stomach, and the turning at every noise. 560 00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:26,799 There I go. 561 00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:31,799 You're mad about Peter, the ordination. 562 00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:37,079 He's a handful you found hard to hold. 563 00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:42,079 He and Catherine's love, like ours, 564 00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:44,839 swallows you into a world you did not imagine. 565 00:33:48,319 --> 00:33:50,319 But I will see it done. I promise. 566 00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:00,519 How I miss your bigness... 567 00:34:04,039 --> 00:34:06,039 like a bear in a teacup. 568 00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:10,199 How we filled the room. 569 00:34:13,559 --> 00:34:16,880 How our skin fired, our eyes on each other. 570 00:34:17,599 --> 00:34:18,760 Our talk... 571 00:34:20,199 --> 00:34:21,519 our laughter... 572 00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:28,159 our strange naked dances in the night. 573 00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:37,320 And then you went... 574 00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:46,400 and it all shrank away. 575 00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:58,119 Just come. 576 00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:02,360 Once. 577 00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:13,760 Yes. You're right. Sorry. 578 00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:16,280 Right. 579 00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:17,519 Here we go. 580 00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:22,599 Now, you wear this for four hours on your feet 581 00:35:23,199 --> 00:35:25,679 and through the magic of the human body, 582 00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:28,519 where everything connects except sometimes penis and mind, 583 00:35:28,599 --> 00:35:30,679 it will work through to your chest, 584 00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:33,280 and then I will come back and wash it off before your skin cracks, bubbles 585 00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:35,079 and spits with fire from the inside. 586 00:35:35,159 --> 00:35:36,800 Which trust me, you don't want. 587 00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:38,199 I had something very similar once, 588 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:40,800 when I got stuck in Great-Grandpa's armor for 17 hours. 589 00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:43,159 Long story. You'll understand when you turn three. 590 00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:46,519 Which, by the way, is a fucking bear-wrestle of a year. 591 00:35:46,599 --> 00:35:47,719 Be warned. 592 00:36:05,159 --> 00:36:08,480 - Who the fuck are you? - Is that an existential question, Daddy? 593 00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:11,400 - Daddy? - I brought you Paul. 594 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:12,719 Age 20. 595 00:36:14,039 --> 00:36:15,679 Fucking birds. 596 00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:18,880 Nice. 597 00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:21,000 - Thanks. - No problem. 598 00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:22,920 You seem marvelous. 599 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:25,199 I base my whole being on not being you. 600 00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:29,599 You were always hugging me and offering me foie gras on crackers. 601 00:36:29,679 --> 00:36:33,519 I realized you were such a pussy and Mother had your cock in a box, 602 00:36:33,599 --> 00:36:35,679 so I would base myself on Grandfather. 603 00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:38,480 Flattering. And also logical. 604 00:36:38,559 --> 00:36:43,280 - I will be great. Build a legacy. - Huzzah-de-fucking-zah! 605 00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:44,960 Reinstate the Great! 606 00:36:46,079 --> 00:36:47,679 Fucking catchy, Grandfather! 607 00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,039 I always had a way with words, and women, 608 00:36:50,119 --> 00:36:52,440 and war, and building great cities. 609 00:36:52,519 --> 00:36:54,559 - Paul? - You didn't even fucking ordain me. 610 00:36:54,639 --> 00:36:56,880 What the fuck? Who does that? 611 00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:59,360 I'm getting upset. Look, I've got tears welling. I hate that. 612 00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:02,119 Distract. Let's drink, fuck and make plans. 613 00:37:02,199 --> 00:37:05,119 We need women, alcohol and maps. 614 00:37:08,239 --> 00:37:10,000 Listen here, you little fuck. 615 00:37:10,079 --> 00:37:12,679 I made you. I was a good father to you. 616 00:37:13,079 --> 00:37:14,079 Were you? 617 00:37:14,159 --> 00:37:17,960 Because that's what history remembers... good fathers. 618 00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:21,119 I need to smash something. 619 00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:25,360 What's wrong? 620 00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:26,639 Velementov. 621 00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:29,360 - I love him. And he's dying. - He's dying? 622 00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:31,719 That's a shame. Fat fuck. 623 00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:33,239 - Yes. - Shit. 624 00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:35,000 And he was developing a plan for Pugachev. 625 00:37:35,079 --> 00:37:37,320 And he comes in looking like he was raped by the forest 626 00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:38,920 and drowned in a vodka lake. 627 00:37:39,599 --> 00:37:41,440 Incredibly telling imagery. Poor fucker. 628 00:37:41,519 --> 00:37:43,840 He is too sick to work, so I relieved him of his commission. 629 00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:48,679 But then I think, what if he was involved? And it is all fucking swirling about me. 630 00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:52,360 - You're very shaken. - I am hated at court, in the land. 631 00:37:54,039 --> 00:37:56,960 This Pugachev thing is rattling me in a new way. 632 00:37:57,360 --> 00:37:59,360 I feel it here. Danger. 633 00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:03,360 And tonight he will burn down another town and gather more forces 634 00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:05,920 and do unimaginable things to my effigy. 635 00:38:07,679 --> 00:38:10,360 - I should do it. - What? 636 00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:13,000 - I should be head of the army. - What are you talking about? 637 00:38:13,079 --> 00:38:14,400 It all makes fucking sense. 638 00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:17,320 You're brilliant at progress, ideas, transforming the country. 639 00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:19,000 I'm good at violence and killing. 640 00:38:19,079 --> 00:38:21,840 And it has been a grit in our relationship. 641 00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:25,039 But it can be the oyster with shallot vinegar, 642 00:38:25,119 --> 00:38:27,280 and more than that, a pearl. 643 00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:28,400 Peter, I-- 644 00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:32,840 I'm talking as a wave of brilliance is rolling through my head. 645 00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:34,440 Let it roll. Let it roll. 646 00:38:34,519 --> 00:38:36,360 - I love it when you're up and at 'em! - It is fate. 647 00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:38,800 - Gives me hope. - It is something to see actually. 648 00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:40,320 Our problems alone, horrible. 649 00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:43,840 But then you walk in and our needs sort together. 650 00:38:44,599 --> 00:38:48,559 It is why we are fate. Why we are destiny. 651 00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:52,039 - You want to be head of the army? - I will lead us to great victories. 652 00:38:52,119 --> 00:38:55,159 Be known as a great military fucking leader. 653 00:38:55,239 --> 00:38:58,760 Better than fucking Father. And Paul will see it too. 654 00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:02,239 This is so brilliant. I am light-headed. 655 00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:07,000 - I can't. - Of course you can. What? 656 00:39:07,079 --> 00:39:10,239 No. Thank you. I love that you were there for me, but-- 657 00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:11,320 But what? 658 00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:14,599 Here we go. He'll start crying and go down on her in a moment. 659 00:39:14,679 --> 00:39:17,199 - Catherine, why not? - Peter, don't. I'm tired. 660 00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:18,760 Why not? 661 00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:21,199 If you had not used Pugachev, none of this would-- 662 00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:25,639 Fuck that. That is done. This is new. I will take him out with my army. 663 00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:27,920 - No. - No? 664 00:39:28,639 --> 00:39:30,880 I'm gonna need a fucking "because." 665 00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:35,360 Because Sweden. 666 00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:38,840 - What? - You fucked that up. It was a disaster. 667 00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:41,960 Tens of thousands died and more would've had I not solved it. 668 00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:44,719 - Right. - I'm sorry. 669 00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:48,320 - I just can't. - Won't. You mean won't. 670 00:39:49,119 --> 00:39:50,800 Yes. I mean I won't. 671 00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:53,519 Please let it go. 672 00:39:55,639 --> 00:39:56,760 It's gone. 673 00:40:06,199 --> 00:40:08,280 Peter the Great is sad. 674 00:40:27,559 --> 00:40:29,280 - Are you actually fucking dying? - Yes. 675 00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:30,360 Sad. 676 00:40:31,079 --> 00:40:32,920 - To Velementov. - To Velementov. 677 00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,920 A tragic end. Should have died in battle, man like you. 678 00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:38,960 That said, now you're out, I should definitely be fucking in. 679 00:40:39,039 --> 00:40:41,880 It's an insult. Blood like yours. 680 00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:44,199 Of course you should be head of the fucking army. No question. 681 00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:46,719 - It's just a job. - It's not just a job. 682 00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:48,679 It's the job. 683 00:40:49,559 --> 00:40:52,360 Wrestling victory from your opponents, 684 00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:54,840 standing side by side with your men, 685 00:40:55,239 --> 00:40:57,599 writing history with your fucking sword. 686 00:40:58,840 --> 00:40:59,840 It's legacy. 687 00:40:59,920 --> 00:41:03,639 And no offense after you being so fucking dying, but I'd be brilliant. 688 00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:05,800 - I'd walk all over you. - Would you? 689 00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:07,840 You'd be on the job one minute before you fucked it up. 690 00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:09,719 - Not true. - Like how you fucked up Sweden. 691 00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:12,400 - You fucked up Sweden. - Should we play badminton? 692 00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:15,800 You got in the way of your own army, of Russia. 693 00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:17,480 I knew it. The men knew it. 694 00:41:17,559 --> 00:41:20,840 That is a blurred fucking memory of it, Velementov. 695 00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:23,440 You stumbled us into a rut and then couldn't get us out of it. 696 00:41:23,519 --> 00:41:27,719 Because I didn't want any more men dying needlessly. I had a plan. 697 00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:31,239 Waves, attack from the ridge, counterattack, turn their flank. 698 00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:34,639 - They would've fucking collapsed. - Then why didn't you do that? 699 00:41:34,719 --> 00:41:38,679 - Because my boss was a fucking idiot! - Fuck. I see it. 700 00:41:39,119 --> 00:41:41,079 You know what this all comes back to? 701 00:41:41,159 --> 00:41:43,440 Is it something to do with wanting to fuck our own mothers? 702 00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:44,679 Sweden. 703 00:41:46,159 --> 00:41:49,079 Fucking Sweden. 704 00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:52,480 It is where everything ended for all of us. 705 00:41:52,559 --> 00:41:54,000 For all of 706 00:41:55,079 --> 00:41:56,000 us. 707 00:41:56,360 --> 00:42:00,079 You, me, this fucking dying old man. 708 00:42:00,159 --> 00:42:02,400 It's the fucking past. Let it go. 709 00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:05,719 - Let's play badminton. - It's not the past. 710 00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:09,159 It's still there mocking me, us. 711 00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:12,719 We should take it back. 712 00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:15,639 His plan, your leadership, my country. 713 00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:20,320 Fucking ridiculous. 714 00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:22,119 What, you scared you couldn't finish the job, fat boy? 715 00:42:22,199 --> 00:42:25,760 You're a china fucking doll, Hugo. Don't make me throw you against the wall. 716 00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:27,280 - He's right. - No, he isn't. 717 00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:28,719 I am? I am! 718 00:42:29,639 --> 00:42:31,360 I am fucking fizzing. 719 00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:33,519 I know what we should do. 720 00:42:33,599 --> 00:42:37,400 We should just take the fucking army, march on Sweden, take it back! 721 00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:39,199 That's a fucking story. 722 00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:42,880 That's a fucking headline, not a fucking footnote. 723 00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:44,840 They'd fucking say something then, wouldn't they? 724 00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:49,239 Take the fort by the border. Two battalions. You attack in waves. 725 00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:50,960 By the third, they're shell-shocked. 726 00:42:51,039 --> 00:42:54,360 By the fifth, they're exhausted, they're begging for mercy. 727 00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:56,440 You hear that? Begging you for mercy. 728 00:42:56,519 --> 00:42:58,320 Bet you never thought you'd hear that again. 729 00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:01,239 All right, all right, we're all fucking drunk. Let's just call it a night. 730 00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:03,079 Peter, you need to take Paul's poultice off. 731 00:43:03,719 --> 00:43:04,719 Indeed I do. 732 00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:07,480 Well, I mean, can you imagine his face when you tell him the story? 733 00:43:07,559 --> 00:43:09,039 It's fucking brilliant! 734 00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:10,960 - Good night. - Good night. 735 00:43:11,039 --> 00:43:12,960 Well, I think we should all sleep on this, 736 00:43:13,039 --> 00:43:15,440 because I believe we all have made some real breakthroughs. 737 00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:18,559 Stop talking to him! 738 00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:23,920 I can fucking take Sweden. 739 00:43:24,679 --> 00:43:27,239 I can fucking take Sweden. 740 00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:30,599 You are better, Paul. 741 00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:32,280 Clean breathing. 742 00:43:32,639 --> 00:43:33,960 Well done, me. 743 00:43:34,679 --> 00:43:39,440 Now, I would run at 12 bears for you. I would inject plague into my veins. 744 00:43:41,519 --> 00:43:42,440 What's that look? 745 00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:47,280 You will know you are loved. But what if you do not know by who? 746 00:43:50,119 --> 00:43:51,840 I always at least knew that. 747 00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:53,239 Daddy. 748 00:44:02,559 --> 00:44:04,320 Try not to think about it. 749 00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:05,800 What? 750 00:44:06,159 --> 00:44:10,239 Out there. Millions of Russians, their hearts boiling with hate. 751 00:44:11,159 --> 00:44:13,800 You can feel it rising through the darkness. 752 00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:16,320 An energy is building out there. 753 00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:19,960 Thanks for the rousing talk. 754 00:44:20,039 --> 00:44:21,960 Velementov has it in hand then? 755 00:44:23,159 --> 00:44:24,079 No. 756 00:44:26,079 --> 00:44:28,039 Troubling turn of events. 757 00:44:30,199 --> 00:44:31,840 What do I do, Archie? 758 00:44:33,199 --> 00:44:34,440 I don't know. 759 00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:37,039 Well, that's terrifying. 760 00:44:38,199 --> 00:44:40,239 The dirty little secret... 761 00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:42,880 our control is an idea. 762 00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:46,960 The minute they don't believe it or fear it, we're done. 763 00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:50,440 They come and cut our throats. 764 00:44:50,519 --> 00:44:52,000 Call it Sweden. 765 00:44:53,519 --> 00:44:56,880 We have to find a way to stop his momentum. 766 00:44:56,960 --> 00:44:58,679 The church's reach is wide. 767 00:44:59,639 --> 00:45:02,440 We'll see if we can get our fingers or eyes on him. 768 00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:11,760 Sorry. Know you're busy. 769 00:45:11,840 --> 00:45:14,159 - Paul is fine. - Oh, good. Thank you. 770 00:45:14,639 --> 00:45:16,119 I'm going hunting for a week. 771 00:45:16,199 --> 00:45:18,800 - Because of what I said? - No, because I love hunting. 772 00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:21,079 - Sorry about-- - Not at all. 773 00:45:21,159 --> 00:45:23,039 The truth is a key to the future. 774 00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:24,440 You were right. 775 00:45:31,079 --> 00:45:34,400 Let's do it. Let's take back Sweden. Meet you in the hall. 776 00:45:35,039 --> 00:45:36,679 Our fucking secret, Agnes. Got it? 777 00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:42,400 Fucking... 778 00:45:45,039 --> 00:45:48,840 Okay, you fat fuck. Let's go piss in the street in Stockholm. 779 00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:17,920 Revised and Synchronized by FAST TITLES MEDIA