1
00:00:03,269 --> 00:00:07,907
♪♪

2
00:00:07,974 --> 00:00:10,443
♪ It's a happy,
sappy Christmas ♪

3
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,846
♪ It's a sugar-coated dream ♪

4
00:00:12,912 --> 00:00:14,047
[ Music stops ]
[ Groans ]

5
00:00:14,114 --> 00:00:15,281
Everything okay
back there, chief?

6
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,352
[ Groans loudly ]

7
00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:21,121
[ Cellphone vibrates ]

8
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:22,856
[ Groans ] What?

9
00:00:22,922 --> 00:00:26,092
Santa, you left before the elves
could say, "Good luck."

10
00:00:26,159 --> 00:00:27,627
ALL: Good luck, Santa!

11
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,028
Oh. It must be nice
to be off the clock.

12
00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:31,865
Whoops!
Going through a tunnel.

13
00:00:31,931 --> 00:00:33,867
What the H-E-double-candy-canes?

14
00:00:33,933 --> 00:00:35,935
"Hejj"?

15
00:00:36,002 --> 00:00:37,170
[ Grunting ]

16
00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:38,571
[ Curtly ]
Merry Christmas.

17
00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:43,543
I need a break from staring
at reindeer asshole.

18
00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:45,612
Not me!

19
00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:49,682
A LUNA bar?

20
00:00:49,749 --> 00:00:51,484
What, like my tits
aren't big enough?

21
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:54,320
Hello.
Time for an upgrade.

22
00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:58,091
[ Eating loudly ]

23
00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:01,227
Merry Christmas, Santa.

24
00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:02,862
Wha-- Wha-- Wha--
Oh, my god!

25
00:01:02,929 --> 00:01:05,165
[ Distorted ]
Merry Christmas.

26
00:01:05,230 --> 00:01:07,500
What is happening?

27
00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:09,436
Buckle up, fat boy.
[ Laughs mischievously ]

28
00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:12,205
Oh!

29
00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:14,774
Whoa!

30
00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:16,075
[ Moaning ]

31
00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:19,646
That's big.
[ Chuckles ]

32
00:01:19,712 --> 00:01:20,880
Yeah.

33
00:01:20,947 --> 00:01:22,816
Okay.
This is weird, guys.

34
00:01:22,882 --> 00:01:24,984
Aah!

35
00:01:25,051 --> 00:01:31,024
♪♪

36
00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:32,225
[ Bell rings ]

37
00:01:32,292 --> 00:01:34,127
Let's get a shine
on my superstars.

38
00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:35,562
Last-minute change
to the opening number.

39
00:01:35,628 --> 00:01:37,831
Verses two and three got
switched, use the alt on six,

40
00:01:37,896 --> 00:01:41,000
and S&P says,
"Ah. Can't use the M-word."

41
00:01:41,067 --> 00:01:43,336
-What is the M-word?
-Attaboy!

42
00:01:43,402 --> 00:01:45,805
[ Cheers and applause ]

43
00:01:45,872 --> 00:01:49,609
I don't know this song.
Why -- Why is my foot tapping?

44
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:54,314
[ Swing music playing ]

45
00:01:54,380 --> 00:01:56,348
♪ Oh, naughty and nice ♪

46
00:01:56,416 --> 00:01:57,951
♪ You better think twice ♪

47
00:01:58,017 --> 00:01:59,619
♪ I'm watching you ♪

48
00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:00,887
♪ Watching you ♪

49
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,288
♪ When you forget to flush ♪

50
00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:03,923
♪ 'Cause you're in a rush ♪

51
00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:05,558
♪ When you torrent this song ♪

52
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,327
♪ or you Snapchat your dong ♪

53
00:02:07,393 --> 00:02:09,062
♪ You bogart that roach ♪

54
00:02:09,127 --> 00:02:10,430
♪ Catfish your coach ♪

55
00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:11,564
♪ Look out! ♪

56
00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:13,399
♪ I'm watching you ♪

57
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:14,901
♪ I'm watching you ♪

58
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,036
♪ You won't see me
in your vent ♪

59
00:02:17,103 --> 00:02:18,571
♪ When you pitch a tent ♪

60
00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:19,873
♪ Got a racist thought? ♪

61
00:02:19,939 --> 00:02:21,908
♪ Oh, brother, you're caught ♪

62
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,576
♪ Just like your dead nana ♪

63
00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:27,647
♪ I'm always watching you ♪

64
00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:31,117
♪ Hey, you know that time
you saw your sister shower ♪

65
00:02:31,184 --> 00:02:34,587
♪ Then you whacked off
15 times in an hour ♪

66
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:37,357
♪ You were not alone
with that guilty bone ♪

67
00:02:37,423 --> 00:02:40,560
♪ I was all up on you
like Jack Bauer ♪

68
00:02:40,627 --> 00:02:42,695
♪ You are not bound
by human laws ♪

69
00:02:42,762 --> 00:02:44,497
♪ when your name
is Santa Claus ♪

70
00:02:44,564 --> 00:02:49,469
♪ I am watching you ♪

71
00:02:49,536 --> 00:02:51,070
♪ Yeah ♪

72
00:02:51,137 --> 00:02:53,773
♪♪

73
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:57,010
What if each atom in my hand
is a solar system,

74
00:02:57,076 --> 00:03:00,680
and that's made up
of tiny solar systems, and --

75
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,216
and what are you looking at?

76
00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:05,952
"Elf on a shelf."
How about elf on life support?

77
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:08,788
Aah!
[ Grunts ]

78
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,590
I don't need elves.

79
00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:13,426
When we started out,
there were only, like, 5,000

80
00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:15,028
Fuckin' Christian kids
on Earth.

81
00:03:15,094 --> 00:03:17,030
Now, there's a billion
of those little shits.

82
00:03:17,096 --> 00:03:19,399
A good gift used to be
a slide whistle.

83
00:03:19,465 --> 00:03:20,867
Now,
look at this shit!

84
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:24,404
What do I know about programming
facial recognition software?

85
00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:25,905
I'm a cobbler.

86
00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:28,541
It used to be
so fuckin' simple.

87
00:03:28,608 --> 00:03:30,977
♪ A block of wood,
salt lick, hobby horse ♪

88
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,146
♪ Pogo stick, Silly Putty,
Super Balls ♪

89
00:03:33,212 --> 00:03:34,614
♪ Lincoln Logs
and Kewpie dolls ♪

90
00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:37,650
♪ Yo-yo, hula hoop,
motorized ice cream scoop ♪

91
00:03:37,716 --> 00:03:39,118
♪ Play-Doh was a piece of cake ♪

92
00:03:39,185 --> 00:03:40,620
♪ Viewmaster, Easy-Bake ♪

93
00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:42,155
♪ Kaleidoscope, G.I. Joe ♪

94
00:03:42,221 --> 00:03:43,790
♪ Holly Hobbie, Lego ♪

95
00:03:43,856 --> 00:03:45,191
♪ Chatty Cathy, Barbie, Ken ♪

96
00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:46,726
♪ Things were so much better
then ♪

97
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:49,162
♪ Please have more abortions ♪

98
00:03:49,228 --> 00:03:52,599
♪ To help the kid-to-elf ratio,
consider fellatio ♪

99
00:03:52,665 --> 00:03:55,301
♪ Or convert to Islam ♪

100
00:03:55,368 --> 00:03:57,003
♪ Or consider Hindu ♪

101
00:03:57,070 --> 00:04:00,340
♪ Or become a Jew,
a Jew, a Jew, a Jew ♪

102
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:01,741
♪ Lawn darts, Slip 'N Slide ♪

103
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:03,276
♪ Elf-assisted suicide ♪

104
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:04,777
♪ Battleship, Rubik's cube ♪

105
00:04:04,844 --> 00:04:06,179
♪ Richard Nixon Underoos ♪

106
00:04:06,245 --> 00:04:07,680
♪ Potato Head, Sit 'N Spin ♪

107
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,248
♪ Teddy fuckin' Ruxpin ♪

108
00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:10,683
♪ Cabbage Patch, Nintendo ♪

109
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:12,218
♪ Pokémon and Yu-Gi-Oh! ♪

110
00:04:12,285 --> 00:04:13,686
♪ Tamagotchi, Game Boy ♪

111
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:15,288
♪ What happened to the simple
toys ♪

112
00:04:15,355 --> 00:04:16,723
♪ Beanie Baby free fall ♪

113
00:04:16,789 --> 00:04:18,124
♪ Nothing left to recall ♪

114
00:04:18,190 --> 00:04:19,792
♪ Walkman, iPods ♪

115
00:04:19,858 --> 00:04:21,293
♪ Technology is your new God ♪

116
00:04:21,361 --> 00:04:23,630
♪ Let's be more like China ♪

117
00:04:23,696 --> 00:04:27,100
♪ Where they limit the kids
that come from your vagina ♪

118
00:04:27,166 --> 00:04:29,268
♪ Let's be more like China ♪

119
00:04:29,335 --> 00:04:33,172
The elves, they all hate me.
I've got to apologize.

120
00:04:33,239 --> 00:04:34,574
Wait, who stole my phone?

121
00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:36,676
Was it Jerry?
Siri, fire Jerry.

122
00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:38,578
Oh. Damn it.

123
00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:40,179
Sorry, Jenny McCormick.

124
00:04:40,246 --> 00:04:42,415
Looks like you get
a slide whistle.

125
00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:44,150
[ Ringing ]

126
00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:45,551
ALL: Santa!

127
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:47,286
Oh, my precious,
loyal elves, I --

128
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:49,422
I haven't shown you
enough gratitude.

129
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:51,624
As my idol Helen Keller
once said,

130
00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:53,058
"Walking with a friend..."

131
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:57,163
[ Groaning inanely ]

132
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,831
What the fuck
is happening here?

133
00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:01,334
Screenshot that shit.

134
00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:03,202
[ Babbling ]

135
00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:05,872
Hey, kids.
Krampus and the Coal Humps here.

136
00:05:05,938 --> 00:05:08,508
Want a fun, practical gift
in your stocking?

137
00:05:08,574 --> 00:05:09,642
Easy.

138
00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:11,611
♪ Just be bad ♪

139
00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:14,280
♪ B-B-Bad ♪
♪ Make your sister cry ♪

140
00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:17,150
♪ That's bad ♪
♪ Moon a cop ♪

141
00:05:17,216 --> 00:05:19,752
♪ Ooh, that's bad ♪
♪ Trip your grandma ♪

142
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:22,422
♪ Damn, that's bad ♪
♪ Pee in the pool ♪

143
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:25,024
♪ So bad ♪
♪ Light your farts on fire ♪

144
00:05:25,091 --> 00:05:27,660
♪ Pretty cool ♪
♪ Yell, "Bomb," in an airport ♪

145
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:30,930
♪ Oh, don't do that ♪
♪ Never return oral sex ♪

146
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:31,998
♪ That's rude ♪

147
00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,967
Yeah.
It's the worst, Jenna.

148
00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:37,303
Your friends at Big Coal
want you to know that coal

149
00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:40,440
is part of the fabric
of Christmas and America,

150
00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:42,875
so being a terrible person
isn't just good.

151
00:05:42,942 --> 00:05:44,644
It's patriotic.

152
00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:48,147
God bless us, every one.

153
00:05:48,214 --> 00:05:49,449
Oh, God.

154
00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:52,784
The world is
a pile of wet garbage.

155
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:55,154
[ Echoing ] I'm so alone.

156
00:05:55,221 --> 00:06:00,626
♪ What's the point
of Santa Claus? ♪

157
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:05,932
♪ A big, fat flop
who's full of flaws ♪

158
00:06:05,998 --> 00:06:08,968
♪ Jesus is king,
you're just a pawn ♪

159
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:15,074
♪ No one will miss
you when you're gone ♪

160
00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:19,011
♪ No one over eight
believes you're real ♪

161
00:06:19,078 --> 00:06:21,814
♪ The world thinks
you're a lie ♪

162
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:25,251
♪ And your wife's side piece
is Jerry ♪

163
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:26,886
♪ He's an elf ♪

164
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:31,090
♪ And Tim Allen plays you
better than yourself ♪

165
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:32,859
♪ Tim Allen! ♪

166
00:06:32,925 --> 00:06:37,196
♪ It's weird how you were
made by Coca-Cola, ♪

167
00:06:37,263 --> 00:06:39,665
♪ Corn syrup's favorite son ♪

168
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:45,171
♪ You're just a corporate stooge
who lives up on an ice cube ♪

169
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,073
♪ Cube, cube, cube ♪

170
00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:50,042
I hate being Santa Claus.

171
00:06:50,109 --> 00:06:57,784
Oh, my gosh.
It's Santa!

172
00:06:57,850 --> 00:06:59,218
Santa?
Ah, FUCK!

173
00:06:59,284 --> 00:07:01,020
What the fuck?
-It's me. Remember?

174
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:03,389
Last year,
I visited your workshop.

175
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:05,191
The elves
turned into zombies.

176
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:08,027
In college, you and Krampus
had a three-way with my mom.

177
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:09,462
Don't let them
touch the ground.

178
00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:12,398
-What?
-Our memories will die.

179
00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:15,701
Oh.
My mom's cancer cookies.

180
00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,470
Oh, fuck!
Your mom has cancer?

181
00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:19,138
[ Inhales sharply ]
That sucks.

182
00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:22,375
She says it's more like
recreational cancer.

183
00:07:22,441 --> 00:07:25,845
I've looked into the void, kid,
and you know what I saw?

184
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:28,948
A FUCKING void.
I'm empty inside.

185
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:30,683
I'm putting Christmas
on ice.

186
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:33,219
You just need to remember
what Christmas is all about.

187
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:36,122
Let me tell you
a little story.

188
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:37,490
This story sucks.

189
00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:40,159
Well, not the way
I tell it.

190
00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:43,696
Santa? Santa!

191
00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:45,231
[ Gobbling ]

192
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:46,999
-Santa.
-I'm coming down, kid.

193
00:07:47,066 --> 00:07:48,334
I got to chase this high!

194
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:51,170
Well, a cocktail
of Viagra, Oxy, Ritalin,

195
00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:53,272
Midol, and 50 packets
of Emergen-C,

196
00:07:53,339 --> 00:07:55,608
is not safe
for a man your age.

197
00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:58,411
I'll be fine once I wash it
all down with these Mentos

198
00:07:58,477 --> 00:08:00,046
and a 2-liter of Coke.

199
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:02,748
No...

200
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:05,051
[Slow-motion]...ooooo!

201
00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:08,588
[ Screaming ]

202
00:08:10,756 --> 00:08:11,924
Another mall Santa OD.

203
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,593
Every year,
they drop like flies,

204
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:15,294
highest suicide rate
next to dentists.

205
00:08:15,361 --> 00:08:17,196
This is the real Santa!

206
00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:18,664
We're losing him.
Rib-spreader.

207
00:08:18,731 --> 00:08:20,867
-But I hardly know her.
-[ Laughs ]

208
00:08:20,933 --> 00:08:22,602
This is why I take
the Christmas shift.

209
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,437
That's the fattest heart
I've ever seen.

210
00:08:24,503 --> 00:08:26,939
It looks like someone put
a basketball in a microwave.

211
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:28,808
-He's flat-lining!
-You mean "fat-lining."

212
00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:30,276
[ Both laugh ]

213
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:33,212
Oh, Allen, marry me.

214
00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:35,780
JESUS:
We meet at last.

215
00:08:35,847 --> 00:08:38,017
I can't believe it.
I am a huge fan.

216
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,485
Yes.
Yes, my son.

217
00:08:39,552 --> 00:08:41,187
You're Joker
in the "Suicide Squad."

218
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:44,524
It was amazing.
-I'm Jesus, you fucking idiot.

219
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:46,759
That's just what
Jared Leto would say.

220
00:08:46,826 --> 00:08:48,527
You've served me well
for centuries,

221
00:08:48,594 --> 00:08:50,363
so many good birthdays.

222
00:08:50,429 --> 00:08:52,198
Christmas is
a corporate racket

223
00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:54,033
teaching kids
the spirit of greed.

224
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,735
Let me
break it down for you.

225
00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:57,637
Jesus magic, go!

226
00:08:57,703 --> 00:09:00,740
♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh,
oh, oh-oh, oh-oh ♪

227
00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:02,375
♪ Ho, ho, yeah ♪

228
00:09:02,441 --> 00:09:04,677
♪ Santa Claus, got a message,
you should hear it ♪

229
00:09:04,744 --> 00:09:07,046
♪ I heard that you lost
your Christmas spirit ♪

230
00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:09,115
♪ Your job is more
than just making toys ♪

231
00:09:09,181 --> 00:09:11,751
♪ You've also been
spying on little boys ♪

232
00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:13,753
♪ You're the reason snail mail
still gets written ♪

233
00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:16,289
♪ You and Christmas go together
like a hand in a mitten ♪

234
00:09:16,355 --> 00:09:20,259
♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh,
oh, oh-oh, oh-oh ♪

235
00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:22,361
♪ Every X-mas,
Christians be like... ♪

236
00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:23,763
♪ Happy birthday ♪

237
00:09:23,829 --> 00:09:26,132
♪ But I know my peeps
are really looking your way ♪

238
00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:28,134
♪ I got famous for
dying up on a cross ♪

239
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,803
♪ You got famous because
you're a big pimping boss ♪

240
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:33,139
♪ The Big Papa, the Loaded
Locker, the Red Menace ♪

241
00:09:33,205 --> 00:09:35,775
♪ Ask any girl, they'll say
I ain't got a micro-penis ♪

242
00:09:35,841 --> 00:09:37,977
♪ They call me Peter Rabbit
because I make it rain lettuce ♪

243
00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:40,479
♪ And all the shorties know
I make it rain presents ♪

244
00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:42,915
♪ Dropping Christmas joy
like legal grade-A kush ♪

245
00:09:42,982 --> 00:09:45,351
♪ Got my white trim,
trimming Christmas bush ♪

246
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,553
♪ Santa is back to life,
just like Mr. Spock ♪

247
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,522
♪ Let me reiterate
I have a massive... ♪

248
00:09:49,588 --> 00:09:51,557
Yeah. We got it. Cool.

249
00:09:51,624 --> 00:09:54,527
I'd love to stay, but my
mission on Earth isn't done.

250
00:09:54,593 --> 00:09:57,330
Happy birthday, Jesus,
and Merry Christmas.

251
00:09:57,396 --> 00:09:58,531
Happy holidays.

252
00:09:58,597 --> 00:10:00,533
You son of about bitch.

253
00:10:00,599 --> 00:10:02,068
I feel it again.

254
00:10:02,134 --> 00:10:04,837
The Christmas spirit
lives within me.

255
00:10:04,904 --> 00:10:07,039
Ho-ho-ho!

256
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:08,474
[ Chuckles lightly ]

257
00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:09,842
Where the hell am I?

258
00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:11,010
[ Screams ]

259
00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:12,178
Again?

260
00:10:12,244 --> 00:10:13,579
This place is a
necrophiliac's nightmare.

261
00:10:13,646 --> 00:10:15,281
There's a man in here!

262
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:17,350
-So you really met Jesus?
-Yeah.

263
00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:20,553
And all I can say is
#HeavenSoWhite.

264
00:10:20,619 --> 00:10:22,521
And you love
Christmas again?

265
00:10:22,588 --> 00:10:25,057
Hey, does an elf
shit in the snow?

266
00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:27,526
I really should build them
an outhouse or something.

267
00:10:27,593 --> 00:10:30,363
Santa!
Santa! Baby!

268
00:10:30,429 --> 00:10:33,632
Merry Christmas to all,
and one more thing --

269
00:10:33,699 --> 00:10:35,434
Legalize it!

270
00:10:35,501 --> 00:10:38,104
Ho-ho-ho!
Marijuana.

271
00:10:38,170 --> 00:10:39,939
Is anyone going to deliver
the fucking presents this year?

272
00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:42,708
You're just dying for my face
in your ass again, aren't you?

273
00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:43,642
Fuck you.

274
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:44,643
Fuck you.

275
00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:45,578
Fuck you!

276
00:10:45,644 --> 00:10:50,950
♪♪

277
00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:53,285
♪ It's a happy,
sappy Christmas ♪

278
00:10:53,352 --> 00:10:55,654
♪ It's a sugar-coated dream ♪

279
00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:58,357
♪ Eating gingerbread
and candy canes ♪

280
00:10:58,424 --> 00:10:59,425
♪ With an enema
of whipped cream ♪

281
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,826
Fuck yeah!

282
00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:03,195
♪ Dog shorts, diabetes ♪

283
00:11:03,262 --> 00:11:05,531
♪ You should lose a few L-Bs ♪

284
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:07,967
♪ I heard him moan
but then drove home ♪

285
00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:10,236
♪ And ate my Christmas cheese ♪

286
00:11:10,302 --> 00:11:13,606
♪ Then I munched on deep-fried
fruitcake for a snack ♪

287
00:11:13,672 --> 00:11:16,609
Huh?
♪ Shot another can
of whipped cream up my ass ♪

288
00:11:16,675 --> 00:11:20,079
You have got to be
shitting me right now, Jenna.

289
00:11:20,146 --> 00:11:22,081
♪ When the surgeon
cut me feet off ♪

290
00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:24,417
♪ He gave me such a frown ♪

291
00:11:24,483 --> 00:11:26,852
♪ But you'll never stay
unhappy ♪

292
00:11:26,919 --> 00:11:29,055
♪ With a whipped cream
can around ♪