1
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:10,610
Boy: ♪ SQUEEZE THE TOOTHPASTE
FROM THE TUBE ♪

2
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,612
♪ FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA,
RINSE AND SPIT ♪

3
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:13,680
[ SPITS ]

4
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:16,015
♪ CHECK TO SEE
IF I'VE GOT PUBES ♪

5
00:00:16,082 --> 00:00:17,283
♪ FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA --

6
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:18,485
AAH!

7
00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:19,786
[ SCREAMS
INDISTINCTLY ]

8
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,821
OH, HONEY,
GET THE CAMERA!

9
00:00:21,888 --> 00:00:24,190
OUR LITTLE BOY
GOT HIS MAN BUSH!

10
00:00:24,257 --> 00:00:26,426
KEEP THE STRAYS
OFF THE TOILET SEAT, SON.

11
00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:28,461
MY PUBES ARE WHITE!

12
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,997
I LOOK LIKE ROGER STERLING
DOWN THERE.

13
00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:33,833
SWEETIE, UH,
IT'S TIME YOU KNEW.

14
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:39,139
DOES YOUR NEW, SNOWY MAN MEADOW
REMIND YOU OF ANYTHING?

15
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:40,240
OHH!

16
00:00:40,306 --> 00:00:41,841
AM I A WAMPA?!

17
00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:44,244
YOUR REAL FATHER
IS SANTA CLAUS!

18
00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:46,379
[ GASPS ]
MY REAL FATHER?

19
00:00:46,446 --> 00:00:48,882
WE WERE TOGETHER
FOR ONLY ONE MAGICAL NIGHT,

20
00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:50,417
BUT HE LEFT ME A PRESENT --

21
00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:53,153
YOU...AND CRABS.

22
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:54,187
AND THIS.

23
00:00:54,254 --> 00:00:56,189
I TOLD HIM
MY NAME WAS PORTIA.

24
00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:58,291
HA!
A VIRGIN NAMED PORTIA.

25
00:00:58,358 --> 00:01:00,293
COME ON.
ANYWAY, FLIP IT OVER.

26
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:03,229
AH, THE POLAR EXPRESS!

27
00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:05,265
YAY!

28
00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:08,301
I MISS THOSE CRABS.

29
00:01:08,368 --> 00:01:09,803
[ TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS ]

30
00:01:09,869 --> 00:01:10,970
[ STEAM HISSING ]

31
00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:13,139
OH, THERE IT IS --
THE HOGWARTS EXPRESS --

32
00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:15,074
I MEAN THE POLAR EXPRESS!

33
00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:15,809
AAH!

34
00:01:15,875 --> 00:01:17,510
TICKETS, PLEASE!

35
00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:18,777
TOM HANKS.

36
00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:20,246
OH JESUS!

37
00:01:20,313 --> 00:01:23,249
YOU'RE SO...LIFELIKE.

38
00:01:23,316 --> 00:01:26,352
THE PALETTE IS MEANT TO
REPRESENT THE SOURCE MATERIAL.

39
00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:27,687
TICKETS, PLEASE.

40
00:01:28,888 --> 00:01:30,789
[ LAUGHS ]
THANKS FOR THE MONOLOGUING.

41
00:01:30,857 --> 00:01:31,791
GOTTA FIND A SEAT.

42
00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:34,127
BYE.

43
00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:35,595
Kill me.

44
00:01:36,795 --> 00:01:37,931
I'M DEL GRIFFITH,

45
00:01:37,997 --> 00:01:40,667
OFF TO THE NORTH POLE
TO SELL SHOWER-CURTAIN RINGS.

46
00:01:40,733 --> 00:01:43,102
ONLY PLACE ON EARTH
WITHOUT A BED BATH & BEYOND,

47
00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:44,471
SO I'LL MAKE A FORTUNE.

48
00:01:44,537 --> 00:01:47,874
UH, THEIR WEBSITE DELIVERS
EVERYWHERE THESE DAYS.

49
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,275
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN
TO PARIS?

50
00:01:49,342 --> 00:01:52,277
THEY DON'T SHOWER,
OR AS THEY CALL IT,<i> DOUCHE.</i>

51
00:01:52,345 --> 00:01:54,314
THE REVOLUTION HAS BEGUN.

52
00:01:54,380 --> 00:01:57,817
WOW! CHRIS EVANS,
AND HE'S GOT A BABY!

53
00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,186
OH, I BET
HE'S AN AWESOME DAD.

54
00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:02,222
OH, MY GOD,
HE'S EATING THE BABY!

55
00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:04,657
WE'VE GOT TO GET TO THE ENGINE
AND STOP THIS TRAIN.

56
00:02:04,724 --> 00:02:06,593
TAKE A BITE OF THIS BABY,
AND LET'S GO.

57
00:02:06,659 --> 00:02:09,027
UH..."A," I DON'T
WANT TO EAT A BABY.

58
00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:10,029
AND, "B"...

59
00:02:10,096 --> 00:02:12,499
MOVE, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!
NOW!

60
00:02:12,565 --> 00:02:13,700
[ CHUCKLES ]

61
00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:15,335
HOW YOU FIXED
FOR SHOWER RINGS, KID?

62
00:02:15,401 --> 00:02:16,436
[ CHOMPS ]

63
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,376
Thank you.

64
00:02:23,443 --> 00:02:26,379
[ As Tom Hanks ]
OH CHRIST, I CAN'T DIE.

65
00:02:26,446 --> 00:02:28,248
NOW, I NEVER DOUCHED
MY BUTT HOLE,

66
00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:31,150
BUT I GOT TO TELL YOU, THOSE
FROGS CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF IT.

67
00:02:31,216 --> 00:02:33,019
WELL, LOOKS LIKE
WE'RE HOOFING IT.

68
00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:35,221
WE CAN'T WALK
TO THE NORTH POLE.

69
00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:37,656
GUYS, I FOUND
THE BABY FREEZER.

70
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:40,927
WHO'S UP
FOR CHINESE...BABY?

71
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,428
[ SIGHS ]
LET'S JUST GO.

72
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:45,598
[ CHUCKLES ] HOT DANG,

73
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:47,934
I'M GONNA MAKE
A BIG SALE AT THE NORTH PO--

74
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,235
AAH!

75
00:02:49,302 --> 00:02:51,037
OH, NO, A HEART ATTACK!

76
00:02:51,103 --> 00:02:54,207
HOW...UNEXPECTED.

77
00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:57,010
OHH, TOO BAD
I DON'T HAVE A LIGHTSABER.

78
00:02:57,076 --> 00:02:59,112
[ RATTLING ]

79
00:02:59,178 --> 00:03:01,114
[ GRUNTING ]

80
00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:02,181
EW.

81
00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:04,851
HE'S NOT MADE OF CANDY AT ALL.

82
00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:09,556
[ YAWNS ]

83
00:03:09,622 --> 00:03:11,824
THAT WAS SURPRISINGLY ROOMY
AND COMFORTABLE.

84
00:03:11,891 --> 00:03:12,825
[ GASPS ]

85
00:03:12,892 --> 00:03:16,963
OH, MY GOSH!

86
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,865
[ FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYS ]

87
00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:20,833
YEAH!

88
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:23,870
WHEE!

89
00:03:24,904 --> 00:03:26,706
UH, CAN I PARK THAT
FOR YOU, SIR?

90
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:27,707
THANKS.

91
00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:29,776
I MADE IT!
[ GASPS ]

92
00:03:29,841 --> 00:03:32,545
IT'S MORE BEAUTIFUL
THAN I EVER IMAGINED.

93
00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:35,481
OOH, NEAT!
WHAT'S THIS SWITCH DO?

94
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:36,983
CAN I TRY PAINTING THAT?

95
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,418
IT'S COOL.
I'M SANTA'S SON.

96
00:03:38,484 --> 00:03:39,786
HEY, BUBBLE WRAP!

97
00:03:39,852 --> 00:03:42,789
[ POPPING ]
I'M SO FILLED
WITH CHRISTMAS JOY!

98
00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:45,525
GEE, THAT OVERBITE MAKES YOU
LOOK JUST LIKE A BEAVER.

99
00:03:45,591 --> 00:03:47,927
AND IF THERE'S ONE THING
I HATE, IT'S BEAVER.

100
00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:50,263
I'LL FIX YOU RIGHT UP.
THE NAME'S HERMEY.

101
00:03:50,329 --> 00:03:51,965
I'M A WONDERFUL DENTIST.

102
00:03:52,031 --> 00:03:54,400
[ BABBLING ]

103
00:03:54,466 --> 00:03:55,835
YEAH, I'M GOOD.
THANKS.

104
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:56,836
OOH! TOYS!

105
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:57,837
COOL!

106
00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,505
WHAT DOES IT
TRANSFORM INTO?

107
00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,975
NOTHING. IT DOESN'T TRANSFORM
INTO ANYTHING.

108
00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:04,744
IT'S JUST A TRAIN,
HANDCRAFTED WITH LOVE AND --

109
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:07,380
HEY, WHERE'S THE Xbox
ASSEMBLY LINE?!

110
00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:09,716
ELVES CAN'T MAKE CUTTING-EDGE
ELECTRONICS, OKAY?

111
00:04:09,782 --> 00:04:12,385
FOR THOSE, YOU NEED A DIFFERENT
KIND OF MAGICAL CREATURE.

112
00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:13,853
CHINESE SLAVE CHILDREN.

113
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,388
[ TROMBONE PLAYS "WAH-WAHHH" ]

114
00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:16,923
WE ALSO MAKE HORNS.

115
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:18,391
UH, THIS IS
FUN AND ALL,

116
00:04:18,457 --> 00:04:20,360
BUT I STILL HAVEN'T
MET SANTA CLAUS.

117
00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:21,861
[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]
WAIT.

118
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,496
I HEAR ENTRANCE MUSIC.

119
00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:26,966
♪♪

120
00:04:30,136 --> 00:04:32,105
[ SHIMMER! ]

121
00:04:32,171 --> 00:04:35,108
IT'S...IT'S HIM!

122
00:04:35,174 --> 00:04:37,577
HUH? AN OUTSIDER?
HERE?

123
00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:39,479
[ ALARM BLARING ]

124
00:04:39,545 --> 00:04:42,281
[ SCREAMING ]

125
00:04:42,348 --> 00:04:44,450
AAH! AAH!

126
00:04:44,517 --> 00:04:46,252
SORRY WE HAD TO BURN
ALL YOUR CLOTHES,

127
00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:48,488
BUT GERMS DON'T AFFECT ELVES
THE SAME WAY AS HUMANS.

128
00:04:48,554 --> 00:04:49,822
GOOD THING
WE CLEANED YOU UP

129
00:04:49,889 --> 00:04:51,791
BEFORE YOU HAD A CHANCE
TO TOUCH ANYTHING.

130
00:04:55,194 --> 00:04:57,797
UH, WELL, ACTUALLY...

131
00:04:57,864 --> 00:04:59,999
[ ELVES GROWLING ]

132
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:01,801
OH, YOU LITTLE
A.I.D.S. MONKEY!

133
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:03,202
[ GROWLING CONTINUES ]

134
00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:05,438
RUN!

135
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:08,241
SANTA, LET ME GUIDE
YOUR WAY!

136
00:05:08,307 --> 00:05:10,343
GUIDE YOUR WAY TO HELL!
HYAH!

137
00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:12,578
AAH!

138
00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:17,250
OHH! OHH!

139
00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:22,455
OKAY,
I'VE GOT A PLAN.

140
00:05:22,522 --> 00:05:24,590
I'M GONNA NEED A PAINT CAN,
A LONG STRING,

141
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:26,292
SOME NAILS,
A CHEESE PIZZA,

142
00:05:26,359 --> 00:05:28,361
A VHS TAPE OF
"ANGELS WITH FILTHY SOULS."

143
00:05:28,428 --> 00:05:29,896
OR WE COULD JUST USE THESE.

144
00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:35,702
GONNA HAVE TO USE MY A.K.
GUESS IT'S NOT A GOOD DAY.

145
00:05:35,768 --> 00:05:37,070
SORRY, CUBE.

146
00:05:37,136 --> 00:05:40,840
AND IF THESE DON'T WORK, THERE'S
ALWAYS THE NUCLEAR OPTION.

147
00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:42,408
NONPROLIFERATION,
MY ASS.

148
00:05:42,475 --> 00:05:44,409
SANTA DON'T PLAY N.A.T.O.

149
00:05:44,477 --> 00:05:46,446
[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ]

150
00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:56,989
[ SAW BUZZING ]

151
00:05:59,058 --> 00:06:00,927
[ SAW BUZZING ]

152
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,431
UH...

153
00:06:05,498 --> 00:06:08,568
[ ELVES GROWLING ]

154
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:12,472
COME ON. COME ON.

155
00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:15,041
YES, THE VSC 79 VIPER!

156
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:17,744
RECALLED FOR ITS KID-KILLING
MURDER ROCKETS!

157
00:06:17,810 --> 00:06:19,145
[ GUNFIRE ]

158
00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:25,485
HEY. WAIT A SECOND.

159
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:26,786
I HAVEN'T BEEN HOME
IN YEARS.

160
00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:28,421
[ Echoing ] HAVEN'T BEEN HOME
IN YEARS.

161
00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:29,889
HAVEN'T BEEN HOME
IN YEARS.

162
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:32,158
HE DIDN'T HAVE A HOME.

163
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,993
NEVER DOUCHED MY BUTT HOLE.
[ CHUCKLES ]

164
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,328
NEVER DOUCHED MY BUTT HOLE.

165
00:06:35,394 --> 00:06:38,064
HE DIDN'T HAVE
A BUTT HOLE.

166
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:39,432
HEADS UP.

167
00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:45,772
HEY, SANTA,
IT AIN'T CHRISTMAS

168
00:06:45,838 --> 00:06:47,940
WITHOUT YOUR BROTHER,
FRED CLAUS!

169
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:52,612
SAY HELLO TO RUDOLPH,
YOU FREELOADING PRICK.

170
00:06:52,678 --> 00:06:53,880
WE DID IT!

171
00:06:53,946 --> 00:06:56,482
AND WE STILL HAVE
TWO CLIPS LEFT.

172
00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:01,387
WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
-[ LAUGHING ]

173
00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:07,460
THAT WAS GREAT.
OW, SOMETHING'S POKING ME.

174
00:07:07,527 --> 00:07:08,861
MY NUCLEAR REMOTE.

175
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:11,030
[ ALARM BLARING ]

176
00:07:15,067 --> 00:07:17,370
IT'S STUCK ON AUTOPILOT.

177
00:07:17,436 --> 00:07:19,372
IT'LL GO TO THE FIRST KIDS
ON THE LIST.

178
00:07:19,438 --> 00:07:20,540
LET'S SEE WHO THEY ARE.

179
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:23,075
HMM, TWO BEAUTIFUL
MUSLIM-KENYAN NAMES.

180
00:07:23,142 --> 00:07:24,143
[ GASPS ] OH SHIT.

181
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:25,845
THE WHITE HOUSE!

182
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:27,413
CAN'T YOU
CALL THEM BACK?

183
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,115
NO, DUMBASS,
YOU SAT ON THE REMOTE.

184
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:31,150
THEY'RE TRAINED
TO FOLLOW THE AUTOPILOT.

185
00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:32,652
THERE MUST BE
A FAILSAFE!

186
00:07:32,718 --> 00:07:34,654
YEAH.
IT'S ON THE REMOTE.

187
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:37,023
WE'LL HAVE TO TAKE OUT
THE J.V. REINDEER.

188
00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:40,593
OH, COOL.
WHAT ARE THEIR NAMES?

189
00:07:40,659 --> 00:07:42,662
HOOFY AND STICKHEAD.
WHO GIVES A SHIT.

190
00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:43,863
GET ON!

191
00:07:47,266 --> 00:07:48,201
[ WHINNIES ]

192
00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:49,602
OW!

193
00:07:53,272 --> 00:07:54,540
[ SPLAT! ]

194
00:07:54,607 --> 00:07:55,575
HOOFY!

195
00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:56,808
I'M HOOFY!

196
00:07:56,876 --> 00:07:59,412
WHO GIVES A SHIT!
NOW, CLIMB!

197
00:07:59,478 --> 00:08:02,181
TURN AROUND. TURN AROUND.
TURN AROUND!

198
00:08:04,383 --> 00:08:05,685
YAY!

199
00:08:05,751 --> 00:08:06,853
[ GROWLING ]

200
00:08:06,919 --> 00:08:09,055
AAH! AAH!

201
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,091
SANTA CLAUS!

202
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,826
OH, MY GOD!

203
00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:15,328
OH, WOW.

204
00:08:17,496 --> 00:08:19,732
I'LL TAKE THE REINS.
YOU DISARM THE BOMB.

205
00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:21,634
IT'S A VERY USER-FRIENDLY
INTERFACE.

206
00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:22,835
GOTCHA!

207
00:08:22,902 --> 00:08:25,238
[ GROWLING ]

208
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,207
[ ALARM BLARING ]

209
00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:30,610
OH SHIT

210
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:31,644
[ GROWLING ]

211
00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:33,446
HO, HO, YOU SCAB!

212
00:08:35,147 --> 00:08:36,381
[ WHINNIES ]

213
00:08:36,448 --> 00:08:37,549
[ SNORTS ]

214
00:08:37,616 --> 00:08:41,220
[ SCREAMING ]

215
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:42,688
I'M SORRY, CHRISTMAS.

216
00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:45,124
IT LOOKS LIKE HANUKKAH
FINALLY WON.

217
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,726
WAIT, WHAT'S THIS?

218
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:49,061
[ BOMB POWERS DOWN ]

219
00:08:49,128 --> 00:08:51,197
HEY, THAT WAS PRETTY
USER-FRIENDLY.

220
00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,832
I GUESS THIS IS IT.

221
00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:56,702
I'M GONNA DIE A VIRGIN,
JUST LIKE THE LINDBERGH BABY.

222
00:08:56,769 --> 00:08:58,604
[ GRUMBLING ]
OH, WAIT, THAT'S IT.

223
00:08:58,671 --> 00:09:01,007
EVERYONE KNOWS
BUMBLES BOUNCE.

224
00:09:01,073 --> 00:09:02,708
[ GRUMBLES ]

225
00:09:02,775 --> 00:09:04,510
LET'S BOUNCE!

226
00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:10,116
UH, CORRECTION.
BUMBLES DO NOT BOUNCE.

227
00:09:10,182 --> 00:09:11,484
[ BRAKES SCREECHING ]

228
00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:13,619
BOY, YOU SAVED CHRISTMAS.

229
00:09:15,087 --> 00:09:17,189
ALL THE ELVES
ARE DEAD!

230
00:09:17,256 --> 00:09:19,058
AH, I'LL CLONE SOME MORE.

231
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:21,193
WOW, DAD, YOU THINK
OF EVERYTHING.

232
00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:23,462
"DAD"? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
I'M YOUR FATHER?

233
00:09:23,529 --> 00:09:26,232
I'VE BEEN SHOOTING BLANKS
EVER SINCE I BOUGHT THAT NUKE.

234
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:28,534
HUH.
PROBABLY A COINCIDENCE.

235
00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:30,870
MY MOM MET YOU IN COLLEGE.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER HER?

236
00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:32,104
OH, YEAH.

237
00:09:32,171 --> 00:09:33,439
I REMEMBER HER.

238
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:36,475
IT WAS THE 2002
COLLEGE DEBATE TOUR.

239
00:09:36,542 --> 00:09:38,644
CLAUS VERSUS KRAMPUS.

240
00:09:38,711 --> 00:09:41,047
YOUR MOM
WAS A STONE-COLD FREAK.

241
00:09:41,113 --> 00:09:43,549
WHAT WAS HER NAME?
HYUNDAI SONATA?

242
00:09:43,616 --> 00:09:45,584
KRAMPUS MADE A LOT
OF GOOD POINTS

243
00:09:45,651 --> 00:09:47,453
ABOUT THE IRAQ WAR
THAT NIGHT.

244
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,322
HE TOOK HOME THE GOLD.

245
00:09:49,388 --> 00:09:51,958
BUT WE BOTH
TOOK HOME THE PINK.

246
00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:53,526
I THINK I GET IT.
THANK YOU.

247
00:09:53,592 --> 00:09:56,228
AS USUAL,
THE KRAMPUS WENT RAW DAWG.

248
00:09:56,295 --> 00:09:58,564
DAMN,
THAN MAN COULD DEBATE.

249
00:09:58,631 --> 00:09:59,665
AND SO, LONG STORY SHORT,

250
00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:01,334
SANTA AND THE KRAMPUS
EIFFEL-TOWERED

251
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,802
YOUR FREAKY, LUDED-OUT MAMA.

252
00:10:02,868 --> 00:10:04,103
NO.

253
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:07,506
NO, I REFUSE TO BELIEVE
THAT KRAMPUS IS MY FATHER!

254
00:10:07,573 --> 00:10:09,208
HOW ABOUT NOW?

255
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,543
OH, DANG IT.

256
00:10:11,744 --> 00:10:15,614
I'M HOME!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!

257
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:17,783
DID YOU FIND
YOUR FATHER?

258
00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:19,418
I SURE DID.

259
00:10:20,419 --> 00:10:24,223
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
YOU'RE MY REAL DAD.

260
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,392
WOW. THAT'S GREAT.

261
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:29,729
YAY.

262
00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:31,564
[ To the tune of
"Cat's in the Cradle ]
♪ AND AS I TURNED

263
00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:33,199
♪ FROM THE WINDOW,
IT OCCURRED TO ME ♪

264
00:10:33,265 --> 00:10:36,235
♪ I'M NEVER GONNA NEED
THIS BALL ♪

265
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:39,805
♪ NO, I GUESS I SHOULD RETURN
THIS BALL ♪

266
00:10:39,872 --> 00:10:41,540
♪ 'CAUSE THE KRAMPUS
IS YOUR DADDY ♪

267
00:10:41,607 --> 00:10:43,309
♪ AND YOUR MOM'S A WHORE

268
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:46,545
♪ THE KRAMPUS WENT RAW DAWG
IN A FINE SOPHOMORE ♪

269
00:10:46,612 --> 00:10:49,415
♪ HE SHOULD HAVE PULLED OUT,
BUT HE SPRUNG A LEAK ♪

270
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,784
♪ 'CAUSE YOUR MOM
WAS A STONE-COLD FREAK ♪

271
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:53,119
♪ OH, YEAH,
YOU KNOW SHE WAS A FREAK ♪

272
00:10:53,185 --> 00:10:57,390
♪ I HOPE YOUR MAMA
BURNED THOSE SHEETS ♪