1 00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:05,472 >> SANTA? IS THAT YOU? 2 00:00:05,538 --> 00:00:07,874 >> SHIT...SHIT! WHAT? NO, NO, NO! 3 00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:08,441 SALLY! 4 00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:09,676 DON'T COME IN HERE! 5 00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:10,844 SALLY? 6 00:00:10,910 --> 00:00:13,346 SALLY, LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE THERE BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE MY 7 00:00:13,413 --> 00:00:16,149 PANTS ARE DOWN, AND IF THEY ARE, I'M GOING TO QUIT STRUGGLING 8 00:00:16,216 --> 00:00:18,952 BECAUSE I'M ALMOST CERTAIN WHEN I DO YOU CAN SEE MY PENIS AND 9 00:00:19,018 --> 00:00:20,186 TESTICLES THROUGH MY LEGS. 10 00:00:20,253 --> 00:00:21,287 SALLY? 11 00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:23,223 SALLY, ANSWER ME! 12 00:00:23,289 --> 00:00:28,161 >> ♪ IT'S PAINFULLY APPARENT THAT IT'S XMAS TIME ♪ 13 00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:32,031 ♪ THE MALLS ARE FILLED WITH ASSHOLES ♪ 14 00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:36,503 ♪ CAROLERS SING SO BOLD ♪ MY TESTICLES FEAR THE COLD 15 00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:41,508 ♪ MY PENIS LOOKS LIKE AN ACORN WITH AN AFRO ♪ 16 00:00:41,574 --> 00:00:44,644 ♪ IT'S SO FUCKING OBVIOUS THAT IT'S XMAS TIME ♪ 17 00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,379 >> ♪ XMAS TIME >> ♪ THE FAMILY'S 18 00:00:46,446 --> 00:00:49,382 'ROUND THE FIRE ♪ >> ♪ ROUND THE FIRE 19 00:00:49,449 --> 00:00:52,719 >> ♪ GRANDMA DRANK A TON ♪ UNCLE JOE MIGHT HAVE TOUCHED 20 00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:54,587 MY SON ♪ ♪ LET'S WATCH 21 00:00:54,654 --> 00:00:56,623 THIS "ROBOT CHICKEN" ♪ ♪ THEN I'M CALLING 22 00:00:56,689 --> 00:00:59,626 MY SUPPLIER ♪ ♪ LET'S WATCH 23 00:00:59,692 --> 00:01:03,062 THIS "ROBOT CHICKEN" ♪ ♪ THEN I'M CALLING 24 00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:06,933 MY SUPPLIER ♪ 25 00:01:08,435 --> 00:01:10,303 >> I SURE AM SORRY ABOUT YOUR 26 00:01:10,370 --> 00:01:11,504 HAND, HARVEY. 27 00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:16,109 >> AW, WENDELL, IT WAS MY OWN FAULT FOR MARRYING SUCH A -- I 28 00:01:16,176 --> 00:01:16,976 FELL. 29 00:01:17,043 --> 00:01:19,012 [ DOOR OPENS ] >> HEY, GUYS, I'D LIKE TO 30 00:01:19,078 --> 00:01:22,348 INTRODUCE FRANKIE FOX, THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE JUG BAND. 31 00:01:22,414 --> 00:01:23,483 GO AHEAD, FRANKIE. 32 00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:24,584 GIVE 'EM A TASTE. 33 00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:27,287 >> WOW! 34 00:01:27,353 --> 00:01:29,088 >> MERRY CHRISTMAS, EARS! 35 00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:30,457 >> UH...EMMET? 36 00:01:30,523 --> 00:01:31,558 >> HMM? 37 00:01:31,624 --> 00:01:32,425 >> A WORD? 38 00:01:32,491 --> 00:01:34,527 >> YEAH, WELL, WHAT'S GOING ON, CHARLIE? 39 00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:37,697 >> WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS, BUT AREN'T FOXES OUR 40 00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:38,731 NATURAL ENEMIES? 41 00:01:38,798 --> 00:01:39,299 >> HMMPH! 42 00:01:39,365 --> 00:01:40,400 WELL! 43 00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,301 I DON'T JUDGE OTHER ANIMALS BY THE COLOR OF THEIR FUR. 44 00:01:42,368 --> 00:01:43,970 >> BUT AREN'T WE ALL COLORBLIND? 45 00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:44,971 >> EXACTLY. 46 00:01:45,038 --> 00:01:46,072 CASE CLOSED. 47 00:01:46,139 --> 00:01:49,976 ALL RIGHT, FELLAS, LET'S ALL DO "WE'RE ALL THE SAME ON 48 00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:51,211 CHRISTMAS DAY." 49 00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,513 ONE, TWO, THREE... 50 00:01:53,580 --> 00:01:55,281 >> ♪ WINTER IS THAT TIME OF YEAR 51 00:01:55,348 --> 00:01:57,517 WHEN WE ALL GATHER 'ROUND FOR SOME CHRISTMAS CHEER ♪ 52 00:01:57,584 --> 00:01:59,619 ♪ LET'S CELEBRATE IN THE JUG BAND WAY ♪ 53 00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:05,725 ♪ WE'RE ALL THE SAME ON CHRISTMAS DAY ♪ 54 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:10,029 >> [ GROWLS ] >> [ GASPS ] 55 00:02:10,096 --> 00:02:12,131 THANK YOU. 56 00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:14,100 AH! AH! AH! 57 00:02:15,768 --> 00:02:16,569 >> W-WAIT! 58 00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:19,572 AIN'T WE ALL THE SAME ON CHRISTMAS DAY? 59 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:21,808 >> OH, WE'RE NOT THE SAME... 60 00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,510 'CAUSE I AIN'T DEAD. 61 00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:26,846 MERRY CHRISTMAS! 62 00:02:26,913 --> 00:02:28,481 [ ROARS ] 63 00:02:29,048 --> 00:02:30,250 >> OKAY, I'M GONNA GO PHOTOCOPY 64 00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:34,554 YOUR DRIVERS' LICENSES WHILE YOU GUYS WATCH THIS LITTLE VIDEO. 65 00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:36,122 >> WELCOME TO SANTA'S WORKSHOP! 66 00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:39,292 THIS ISN'T JUST THE FIRST DAY OF YOUR NEW JOB, IT'S THE FIRST 67 00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:40,827 DAY OF YOUR NEW CAREER! 68 00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:42,762 LET'S TALK ABOUT WORKER SAFETY! 69 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:46,165 >> THE RAW MATERIALS USED TO MAKE CHRISTMAS TOYS ARE 70 00:02:46,232 --> 00:02:50,270 PROCESSED BELOW GROUND BY A RACE OF LIZARD MEN CALLED "GAR-LONS." 71 00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:51,738 THE GAR-LONS WILL EAT YOU. 72 00:02:51,804 --> 00:02:53,906 [ Laughing ] THEY LOVE TO EAT ELVES. 73 00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:57,510 ON NINE SEPARATE OCCASIONS LAST YEAR, ELVES TOOK A WRONG TURN 74 00:02:57,577 --> 00:02:58,778 AND WERE EATEN. 75 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:02,315 SO, HANG ONTO THE MAP THAT COMES WITH YOUR WELCOME PACKET, HUH?! 76 00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:04,784 EVERYONE WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT REINDEER. 77 00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:05,919 THEY WILL EAT YOU. 78 00:03:05,985 --> 00:03:08,154 THEY EAT ELVES LIKE THEY'RE FUNYUNS. 79 00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:09,756 AND THEY DON'T JUST EAT YOU. 80 00:03:09,822 --> 00:03:13,026 THEY PLAY REINDEER GAMES WITH YOU, AND THEN THEY EAT YOU! 81 00:03:13,092 --> 00:03:16,429 SO, FIND THE REINDEER PEN ON YOUR MAP AND STAY AWAY FROM IT. 82 00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:17,263 CREVASSES. 83 00:03:17,329 --> 00:03:18,398 THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. 84 00:03:18,464 --> 00:03:19,232 >> AAH! 85 00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:20,700 >> DON'T BOTHER LOOKING ON YOUR MAPS. 86 00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:23,169 WE DIDN'T PUT THEM IN BECAUSE THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. 87 00:03:23,236 --> 00:03:25,538 AND WE NO LONGER ATTEMPT TO RESCUE FALLEN ELVES. 88 00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:27,206 WHY, YOU ASK? 89 00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:29,042 JUST WATCH. 90 00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:35,381 >> [ ROARS ] >> [ SNORTS ] 91 00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:39,918 [ ELVES WHIMPERING ] AND NOW WE HONOR ALL THE ELVES 92 00:03:39,986 --> 00:03:42,488 WHO WERE EATEN LAST YEAR. 93 00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:43,289 >> OKAY. 94 00:03:43,356 --> 00:03:45,058 BROUGHT YOUR I.D.s BACK AND SOME -- 95 00:03:45,124 --> 00:03:46,091 >> SANTA'S COMING! 96 00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:49,362 [ LOUD FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING ] >> RARRRRRRGHHHH! 97 00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:53,433 >> OKAY, IT'S TIME TO TALK ABOUT SANTA CLAUS. 98 00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:55,668 >> REMEMBER WHAT YOU HAVE LEARNED THIS NIGHT, 99 00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,370 EBENEZER SCROOGE! 100 00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:59,072 REMEMBER... 101 00:03:59,138 --> 00:04:00,373 REMEMBER... 102 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:02,942 >> [ GASPS ] I-IT'S CHRISTMAS MORNING! 103 00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:04,010 OH, THANK GOD! 104 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:07,080 IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO SHARE WHAT I'VE LEARNED! 105 00:04:07,146 --> 00:04:10,116 >> GHOSTS ARE FUCKING REAL, GUYS! 106 00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:14,320 I JUST GOT VISITED BY THREE -- THREE SON-OF-A-BITCHING GHOSTS! 107 00:04:14,387 --> 00:04:15,588 IS EVERYONE HEARING ME?! 108 00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:17,790 SOME OF THEM SHOW YOU THE PAST, AND THEY'RE NOT BAD PEOPLE, AND 109 00:04:17,856 --> 00:04:19,892 SOME OF THEM SHOW YOU THE PRESENT, AND THEY'RE LIKE A 110 00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:20,726 FRIEND THAT'S DIED. 111 00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:21,827 BUT I IMPLORE YOU. 112 00:04:21,894 --> 00:04:23,630 DON'T GET COCKY, BECAUSE THERE ARE ALSO FUTURE GHOSTS. 113 00:04:23,696 --> 00:04:26,132 AND FUCK ME, I HOPE YOU WON'T MISS YOUR BALLS WHEN THEY CLIMB 114 00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:28,234 UP INTO YOUR BODY WHEN YOU SEE THESE SONS OF BITCHES! 115 00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:29,569 GHOSTS!! 116 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:33,439 >> MAMA, WHAT DO ANTS GIVE EACH OTHER FOR CHRISTMAS? 117 00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:36,109 >> WELL, I DON'T KNOW, DEAR! 118 00:04:36,175 --> 00:04:40,813 [ WOMAN VOCALIZING ] ♪ YEAH 119 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,382 ♪ OH-OH-OH 120 00:04:44,717 --> 00:04:45,385 >> ♪ OVER THE RIVER 121 00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:48,254 AND THROUGH THE WOODS, TO GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE WE GO ♪ 122 00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:50,156 ♪ THE HORSE KNOWS THE WAY TO CARRY THE SLEIGH 123 00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:52,525 THROUGH THE WHITE AND DRIFTED SNO-O-W ♪ 124 00:04:55,261 --> 00:04:57,930 >> [ Crying ] I DIDN'T KNOW THE WAY! 125 00:04:57,997 --> 00:04:59,799 I'M JUST A HORSE! 126 00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:02,101 YOU GUYS HAD GPS ON YOUR PHONES! 127 00:05:02,168 --> 00:05:04,103 WHY WOULDN'T YOU USE IT?! 128 00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:07,040 [ STOMACH GURGLING ] >> UH-OH. 129 00:05:07,106 --> 00:05:08,574 MOWED DOWN ONE COOKIE TOO MANY. 130 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:10,510 CODE BROWN, PEOPLE! 131 00:05:10,576 --> 00:05:13,846 [ FARTING ] OH, PHENOMENAL. 132 00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:15,348 [ FARTING CONTINUES ] OH, GOD. 133 00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:17,183 SHH-SHH! SHUT UP. 134 00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:19,285 [ PLOP ] AH, FUCKING SPLASHBACK! 135 00:05:19,352 --> 00:05:22,321 DEAD-OF-WINTER, EAST COAST, MIDNIGHT TOILET SPLASHBACK! 136 00:05:22,388 --> 00:05:24,057 FUCK! IT'S LIKE CRAPPING INTO AN 137 00:05:24,123 --> 00:05:25,725 OVERTURNED IGLOO! 138 00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:26,459 OKAY. 139 00:05:26,526 --> 00:05:28,394 LET'S TRIAGE THIS DISASTER. 140 00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:30,196 AW. AW! 141 00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:31,698 THIS ISN'T TWO-PLY. 142 00:05:31,764 --> 00:05:32,865 THIS ISN'T EVEN A PLY. 143 00:05:32,932 --> 00:05:34,534 THIS IS A FRACTION OF A PLY! 144 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:35,802 GREAT. 145 00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:37,937 A LITTLE ANAL SANDPAPER MASSAGE SHOULD GET THE REST OF MY NIGHT 146 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,038 OFF TO A GOOD START. 147 00:05:39,105 --> 00:05:41,407 GOOD THING MY WHIP HAS A FRONT SEAT THAT'S BASICALLY A 148 00:05:41,474 --> 00:05:42,608 FUCKING WOODEN PLANK. 149 00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:44,610 HELLO, NEXT NINE HOURS OF MY LIFE. 150 00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:47,046 [ TOILET HANDLE JIGGLES ] HMM. CAN'T FLUSH. 151 00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:47,814 I'D WAKE THEM UP. 152 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,015 SORRY, KIDS. 153 00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:50,817 ONE OF YOU IS TAKING THE HEAT FOR THIS CRIME SCENE TOMORROW 154 00:05:50,883 --> 00:05:53,386 MORNING. 155 00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:55,455 >> WELL, CALL THE COPS! 156 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,423 >> HIS NAME'S HEAT MISER! 157 00:05:57,490 --> 00:06:00,460 HE'S LIKE A JEW, BUT A JEW ABOUT HEAT, NOT A JEW ABOUT MONEY. 158 00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:01,060 >> I SEE. 159 00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:02,895 >> HIS NAME IS SNOW MISER! 160 00:06:02,962 --> 00:06:06,999 HE'S LIKE A JEW, BUT A JEW ABOUT COLD, NOT A JEW ABOUT MONEY. 161 00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:07,667 >> I SEE. 162 00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:09,268 >> HIS NAME'S HERMIE THE ELF! 163 00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:10,703 HE WANTS TO BE A DENTIST! 164 00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:11,838 PRETTY "JEWY," HUH? 165 00:06:11,904 --> 00:06:13,506 [ TELEPHONE RINGS ] HELLO? 166 00:06:13,573 --> 00:06:16,175 THE ARYAN BROTHERHOOD IS PULLING THEIR FUNDING? 167 00:06:16,242 --> 00:06:18,344 IT'S GOT TO BE A CHRISTMAS MOVIE NOW? 168 00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:21,547 WELL, WE AIN'T CHANGING IT! 169 00:06:22,348 --> 00:06:25,218 >> NOW, THAT'S A SNOWMAN! 170 00:06:25,284 --> 00:06:27,086 >> HELLO, BOYS AND GIRLS! 171 00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:31,257 IT'S YOUR OLD PAL, FROSTY THE -- OH, KIDS, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? 172 00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:33,092 WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! 173 00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:35,628 >> NOW WILL YOU JUST HOLD STILL? 174 00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:36,496 >> AAH! 175 00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:38,197 >> NO, BRAH, NO. 176 00:06:38,264 --> 00:06:39,966 NOW, COME ON, BRAH. 177 00:06:40,032 --> 00:06:41,067 NO, BRAH! 178 00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:42,635 NO-O-O! 179 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,138 >> CHRISTMAS 2065. 180 00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:47,406 PHYSICAL GIFTS ARE OBSOLETE. 181 00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:51,010 THE DISTANT UNCLE ACT NOW MANDATES THE EXCLUSIVE USE OF 182 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,245 GIFT CARDS. 183 00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:55,615 FUNDS ARE EXCHANGED DIGITALLY, RELEGATING CHRISTMAS TO A WINDOW 184 00:06:55,681 --> 00:06:59,485 OF 15 MINUTES BETWEEN 8:45 AND 9:00. 185 00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:05,558 >> YOUR WORD IS "HANNAKA." 186 00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:07,093 >> PLEASE USE IT IN A SENTENCE. 187 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:10,730 >> "'I'M TOO STUPID TO SPELL HANNAKA,' SAID THE BOY BEFORE 188 00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:12,398 HE LOST THE SPELLING BEE." 189 00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:13,766 HANNAKA. 190 00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:14,433 >> OKAY. 191 00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:16,169 [ CLEARS THROAT ] HANNAKA. 192 00:07:16,235 --> 00:07:19,172 H-A-N-A-- [ BUZZER SOUNDS ] 193 00:07:19,238 --> 00:07:20,706 >> SPELL "HANNAKA." 194 00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,707 >> C-H-U-- [ BUZZER SOUNDS ] 195 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,410 >> THE WORD IS "HANNAKA." 196 00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:27,046 >> H-A-N-N-- [ BUZZER SOUNDS ] 197 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,014 >> K-- [ BUZZER SOUNDS ] 198 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:29,816 >> C-A-- [ BUZZER SOUNDS ] 199 00:07:29,882 --> 00:07:30,750 >> M-- [ BUZZER SOUNDS ] 200 00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:32,385 >> K-H-A-- [ BUZZER SOUNDS ] 201 00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:35,521 >> ♪ ANGELINA JOLIE -- NOT A JEW ♪ 202 00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:38,191 [ BUZZER SOUNDS ] >> [ Crying ] C-- 203 00:07:38,257 --> 00:07:40,092 [ BUZZER SOUNDS ] >> SPELL "HANNAKA." 204 00:07:40,159 --> 00:07:40,593 >> HANNAKA. 205 00:07:40,659 --> 00:07:43,462 H-A-N-N-A-K-A. 206 00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:44,831 HANNAKA. 207 00:07:44,897 --> 00:07:49,001 >> OF ALL THE CHILDREN IN ALL THE WORLD, YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE 208 00:07:49,068 --> 00:07:54,006 WHO KNOWS THE TRUE SPELLING OF HANNAKA! 209 00:07:54,073 --> 00:07:55,741 SHH-SHH. I'M SO SORRY. 210 00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:05,051 >> YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ME. 211 00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:06,886 YOUR GRANDMOTHER CAME OUT OF NOWHERE! 212 00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:07,954 I THINK SHE WAS DRUNK! 213 00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:09,155 I DIDN'T WRITE THAT SONG! 214 00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:12,658 [ Crying ] WHY WAS SHE EVEN ON THE ROOF?! 215 00:08:12,725 --> 00:08:13,893 >> IT'S SNOWING! 216 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,061 IT'S SNOWING! 217 00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:17,396 >> LOOKS LIKE IT'S GOING TO BE A WHITE CHRISTMAS AFTER ALL. 218 00:08:17,463 --> 00:08:19,131 >> BUT THOSE WEREN'T SNOWFLAKES. 219 00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:22,068 IT WAS ASH -- ASH FROM THE IMPACT OF A METEOR THAT HAD 220 00:08:22,134 --> 00:08:24,203 STRUCK THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD... 221 00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:27,440 A COLLISION SO DESTRUCTIVE THAT ALL LIFE WOULD BE WIPED OUT, 222 00:08:27,506 --> 00:08:31,043 SAVE PERHAPS AN ISOLATED MICROSCOPIC BACTERIUM. 223 00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:34,447 AND SO TO YOU, ISOLATED MICROSCOPIC BACTERIUM -- 224 00:08:34,513 --> 00:08:35,681 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 225 00:08:37,582 --> 00:08:39,485 [ SOLDIERS COUGHING, CRYING ] 226 00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:45,558 >> WELL, DIDN'T THINK YOU'D BE 227 00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:47,793 SPENDING CHRISTMAS THROWING YOURSELF AGAINST THE GERMAN 228 00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:48,895 LINE, EH, BOYS? 229 00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:50,897 >> DID YOU ASK SANTA FOR ANYTHING THIS YEAR, SERGEANT? 230 00:08:50,963 --> 00:08:52,565 >> A PACK OF SMOKES WOULD DO NICELY. 231 00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:54,333 >> I'D SETTLE FOR A PAIR OF WARM SOCKS! 232 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:57,003 >> I'M ASKING SANTA TO BUST THROUGH THAT KRAUT LINE AND 233 00:08:57,069 --> 00:08:58,471 SAVE US THE TROUBLE. 234 00:08:58,537 --> 00:08:59,071 >> HA! 235 00:08:59,138 --> 00:09:00,606 THAT'S THE SPIRIT, DOYLE. 236 00:09:00,673 --> 00:09:02,041 >> GUYS, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS! 237 00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:04,610 WE'VE CALLED A CHRISTMAS TRUCE WITH THE GERMANS! 238 00:09:04,677 --> 00:09:06,379 IT'S A MIRACLE! 239 00:09:06,445 --> 00:09:11,751 [ ALL CLAMORING ] [ ALL LAUGHING ] 240 00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:14,387 >> I GUESS WE'RE ALL HUMAN BEINGS, AFTER ALL. 241 00:09:14,453 --> 00:09:17,657 >> [ German accent ] WE'LL ALL BE TELLING OUR CHILDREN ABOUT 242 00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,992 THE GREAT CHRISTMAS MIRACLE TRUCE OF -- 243 00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:20,993 >> HO, HO, HO! 244 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,128 >> WHAT WAS THAT? 245 00:09:22,194 --> 00:09:24,330 >> I'M LOOKING FOR A PRIVATE DOYLE. 246 00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,532 I HAVE A VERY SPECIAL GIFT FOR HIM... 247 00:09:26,599 --> 00:09:29,035 >> [ GASPS ] THIS IS PRIVATE DOYLE, MY NEW 248 00:09:29,101 --> 00:09:30,002 HOLIDAY FRIEND! 249 00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:30,870 >> DOYLE! 250 00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:34,407 I BROUGHT YOU THAT PRESENT YOU ASKED FOR! 251 00:09:34,473 --> 00:09:35,608 HIYA! 252 00:09:35,675 --> 00:09:37,543 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 253 00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:38,244 COME ON, MEN! 254 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,513 WE'RE BUSTING THROUGH THIS LINE! 255 00:09:40,579 --> 00:09:42,882 [ GUN CLICKS ] DO IT FOR DOYLE. 256 00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:44,116 >> NEIN! 257 00:09:44,183 --> 00:09:45,351 >> HO HO HO! 258 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:51,390 [ REINDEER SNORTING ] HEADS UP, "JERRY." 259 00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:55,027 >> [ Crying ] BUT WE HAD THE TRUCE! 260 00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:57,563 [ GUN CLICKS ] >> OH, THANK GOD. 261 00:09:57,630 --> 00:09:59,031 LOOK. THERE WAS A TRUCE. 262 00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:00,333 >> GOD DAMN IT! STOP! 263 00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:02,134 I DON'T CARE WHAT I ASKED FOR! 264 00:10:02,201 --> 00:10:03,703 WE MADE A CHRISTMAS TRUCE! 265 00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:05,404 IT WAS A TRIUMPH OF HUMANITY! 266 00:10:05,471 --> 00:10:06,138 >> WHA --? 267 00:10:06,205 --> 00:10:07,306 YOU'RE KIDDING ME! 268 00:10:07,373 --> 00:10:08,374 OH, DAMN. 269 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,109 THAT REALLY SOUNDS LIKE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN INSPIRING. 270 00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:12,545 ANYWAY, WHO HAD THE SOCKS? 271 00:10:14,914 --> 00:10:17,183 >> ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK 272 00:10:17,249 --> 00:10:19,852 >> NORAD HAS LOCATED SANTA'S SLEIGH OVER EASTERN EUROPE! 273 00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:21,821 KIDS BETTER HURRY UP AND GET TO BED! 274 00:10:21,887 --> 00:10:24,457 >> CAN YOU BELIEVE SANTA DELIVERS PRESENTS ALL OVER THE 275 00:10:24,523 --> 00:10:25,658 WORLD IN A SINGLE NIGHT? 276 00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:26,625 HE'S INCREDIBLE! 277 00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:28,794 >> YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S INCREDIBLE, MARIO? 278 00:10:28,861 --> 00:10:30,296 A RABBIT THAT HIDES EASTER EGGS. 279 00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:31,397 THAT'S INCREDIBLE. 280 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,766 AND I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING SLEIGH HITCHED UP TO FLYING 281 00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:34,633 DEER. 282 00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,369 I HAVE TO FUCKING HOP ALL OVER THE WORLD. 283 00:10:36,435 --> 00:10:39,238 I'D LIKE TO WATCH YOU HOP ALL OVER THE WORLD, MARIO. 284 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:42,174 AND I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU CARRY THAT FUCKING EASTER BASKET FULL 285 00:10:42,241 --> 00:10:44,910 OF FUCKING EGGS AND WATCH YOU HIDE THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS. 286 00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:48,247 AND IF YOU DON'T THINK THAT'S "INCREDIBLE," MAYBE YOU TRY IT 287 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,683 ONE TIME WITH NO FUCKING OPPOSABLE THUMBS! 288 00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:55,688 YOU TRY TO HOLD AN EGG AND THEN HIDE THAT EGG WITH THESE, 289 00:10:55,755 --> 00:10:58,157 MARIO! 290 00:10:58,224 --> 00:11:00,559 I'M JUST SAYING IT'S NOT "INCREDIBLE."