WEBVTT
X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:9000
00:00:03.570 --> 00:00:06.973 line:79% position:48% size:75%
>> SO, TO SUM UP, WE BASICALLY
CO-OPTED SANTA CLAUS AND MADE
00:00:07.040 --> 00:00:08.475 line:85% position:48% size:75%
HIM SYNONYMOUS WITH COCA-COLA.
00:00:08.541 --> 00:00:11.378 line:79% position:50% size:78%
>> I HAVE TO SAY, IT'S A BREEZE
SIGNING ENDORSEMENT DEALS WITH
00:00:11.444 --> 00:00:12.479 line:85% position:38% size:53%
FICTIONAL CHARACTERS.
00:00:12.545 --> 00:00:14.614 line:79% position:25% size:78% align:start
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> ARE WE SURE WE DON'T WANT TO
00:00:14.681 --> 00:00:16.182 line:85% position:50% size:80%
REPLACE HIM WITH BRITNEY SPEARS?
00:00:16.249 --> 00:00:21.855 line:79% position:25% size:30%
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> HO-HO-HO!
00:00:21.921 --> 00:00:23.490 line:85% position:48% size:73%
GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN, PLEASE.
00:00:23.556 --> 00:00:24.591 line:85% position:33% size:45%
NO NEED TO GET UP.
00:00:24.657 --> 00:00:26.292 line:85% position:35% size:48%
>> UH, WHO ARE YOU?
00:00:26.359 --> 00:00:28.328 line:85% position:40% size:60%
>> WHY, I'M SANTA CLAUS.
00:00:28.395 --> 00:00:31.431 line:79% position:50% size:78%
I WAS JUST FLYING BY AND HEARD
EVERYONE HAVING A GOOD LAUGH IN
00:00:31.498 --> 00:00:32.332 line:85% position:18% size:13%
HERE.
00:00:32.399 --> 00:00:34.601 line:79% position:23% size:80% align:start
PLEASE, SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT WAS
SO FUNNY.
00:00:34.667 --> 00:00:35.568 line:85% position:20% size:18%
MAKE...
00:00:35.635 --> 00:00:36.403 line:85% position:18% size:13%
ME...
00:00:36.469 --> 00:00:38.938 line:85% position:18% size:15%
LAUGH.
00:00:39.005 --> 00:00:41.941 line:79% position:25% size:78% align:start
WELL, ALLOW ME TO REPEAT A JOKE
MY LAWYERS TOLD ME THE OTHER
00:00:42.008 --> 00:00:43.009 line:85% position:15% size:10%
DAY.
00:00:43.076 --> 00:00:45.178 line:79% position:25% size:80% align:start
IT INVOLVED A LARGE
MULTINATIONAL CORPORATION THAT'S
00:00:45.245 --> 00:00:48.314 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
BEEN USING MY LIKENESS WITHOUT
PERMISSION OR COMPENSATION.
00:00:48.381 --> 00:00:51.251 line:85% position:50% size:78%
HO-HO-HO! ISN'T THAT HILARIOUS?
00:00:51.317 --> 00:00:52.585 line:85% position:43% size:65%
>> N-NOW, YOU LISTEN HERE!
00:00:52.652 --> 00:00:53.920 line:85% position:43% size:65%
SANTA CLAUS DOESN'T EXIST!
00:00:53.987 --> 00:00:54.921 line:85% position:33% size:43%
WE ALL KNOW THAT.
00:00:54.988 --> 00:00:56.890 line:79% position:25% size:78% align:start
>> NOW, WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT,
LARRY?
00:00:56.956 --> 00:00:59.626 line:79% position:50% size:80%
IS IT BECAUSE I DIDN'T GIVE YOU
THE LOUISVILLE SLUGGER YOU ASKED
00:00:59.692 --> 00:01:01.161 line:85% position:35% size:50%
FOR WHEN YOU WERE 9?
00:01:01.227 --> 00:01:02.996 line:85% position:43% size:63%
>> HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
00:01:03.062 --> 00:01:04.731 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
>> I KNOW A LOT OF THINGS,
LARRY.
00:01:04.798 --> 00:01:08.101 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
I KNOW THAT YOU'VE BEEN ON MY
"NAUGHTY" LIST SINCE '72.
00:01:08.168 --> 00:01:10.970 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
I KNOW THAT YOUR COMPANY HAS
BEEN USING MY IMAGE TO PROMOTE
00:01:11.037 --> 00:01:14.007 line:79% position:25% size:80% align:start
YOUR PRODUCT SINCE 1931, AND I
KNOW I'VE NEVER SEEN A DIME, AND
00:01:14.073 --> 00:01:15.575 line:85% position:50% size:80%
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS LARRY?!
00:01:15.642 --> 00:01:18.111 line:85% position:48% size:75%
I know you're a [bleep] thief!
00:01:18.178 --> 00:01:19.012 line:85% position:20% size:18%
>> AAH!
00:01:19.078 --> 00:01:23.383 line:79% position:33% size:45%
[ ALL SCREAMING ]
>> ♪ I LIE AWAKE ♪
00:01:23.450 --> 00:01:27.487 line:79% position:10% size:55% align:start
♪ TILL EVERY DAWN... ♪
>> AAH!
00:01:27.554 --> 00:01:29.022 line:85% position:33% size:45%
>> AAH! AAH! AAAH!
00:01:29.088 --> 00:01:33.460 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
>> ♪ BABY, PLEASE COME HOME ♪
♪ BABY, I'M SO SAD ♪
00:01:33.526 --> 00:01:37.397 line:79% position:10% size:40% align:start
♪ NOTHING... ♪
>> AAAAH! AAAAH!
00:01:37.464 --> 00:01:39.032 line:85% position:28% size:33%
BLEA-A-A-RGH!
00:01:39.098 --> 00:01:40.266 line:85% position:20% size:18%
>> AAH!
00:01:40.333 --> 00:01:44.604 line:79% position:10% size:63% align:start
>> [ ROARS ]
[ SCREAMING AND ROARING ]
00:01:44.671 --> 00:01:46.372 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
>> ♪ OH, YOU'VE FINALLY COME
HOME ♪
00:01:46.439 --> 00:01:51.711 line:79% position:10% size:63% align:start
♪ YEAH, YOU SET ME FREE ♪
♪ SET ME FREE ♪
00:01:51.778 --> 00:02:00.086 line:10% position:30% size:38%
♪ SET ME FREE ♪
♪ SET ME FREE ♪
00:02:00.153 --> 00:02:02.388 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
>> I'LL EXPECT MY CHECK IN THE
MAIL.
00:02:02.455 --> 00:02:04.090 line:79% position:10% size:53% align:start
[ ALL GASP ]
YOU [BLEEP] CAN SPELL
00:02:04.157 --> 00:02:05.225 line:85% position:40% size:60%
"NORTH POLE," CAN'T YOU?
00:02:05.291 --> 00:02:07.293 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
OH, AND ABOUT THAT TALK OF
REPLACING ME WITH
00:02:07.360 --> 00:02:09.362 line:85% position:33% size:43%
BRITNEY SPEARS...
00:02:09.429 --> 00:02:10.630 line:85% position:25% size:30%
THINK AGAIN.
00:02:10.697 --> 00:02:13.533 line:85% position:23% size:23%
HO-HO-HO!
00:02:13.600 --> 00:02:17.203 line:79% position:25% size:78% align:start
>> CHRISTMAS -- THE BIRTHDAY OF
JESUS.
00:02:17.270 --> 00:02:20.173 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
ALSO THE BIRTHDAY OF ACTOR
DEAN CAMERON, WHO PLAYED
00:02:20.240 --> 00:02:22.609 line:79% position:10% size:53% align:start
CHAINSAW IN THE MOVIE
"SUMMER SCHOOL."
00:02:22.675 --> 00:02:26.379 line:79% position:48% size:75%
NOW WE CELEBRATE BOTH OF THESE
EQUALLY IMPORTANT MEN WITH...
00:02:26.446 --> 00:02:28.982 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
THE "ROBOT CHICKEN CHRISTMAS
SPECIAL"!
00:02:29.048 --> 00:02:34.320 line:79% position:10% size:50% align:start
>> ♪ HO, HO ♪
♪ HO, HO, HO-HO-HO ♪
00:02:34.387 --> 00:02:45.365 line:79% position:10% size:50% align:start
♪ HO, HO ♪
♪ HO, HO, HO-HO-HO ♪
00:02:45.431 --> 00:02:51.104 line:79% position:10% size:50% align:start
♪ HO, HO ♪
♪ HO, HO, HO-HO-HO ♪
00:02:51.170 --> 00:02:52.438 line:79% position:10% size:33% align:start
♪ HO, HO ♪
>> Shhhhhhhh.
00:03:04.617 --> 00:03:08.621 line:85% position:33% size:43%
>> AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
00:03:08.688 --> 00:03:11.057 line:85% position:28% size:35%
AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
00:03:11.124 --> 00:03:17.664 line:79% position:10% size:38% align:start
>> [ GROWLS ]
>> [ GRUNTING ]
00:03:17.730 --> 00:03:19.966 line:85% position:30% size:38%
>> RAAAAAAAAAH!
00:03:25.071 --> 00:03:26.339 line:85% position:23% size:25%
RAAAAAAAH!
00:03:26.406 --> 00:03:28.341 line:79% position:10% size:35% align:start
[ GRUNTS ]
RAAAAAAAAAAH!!
00:03:28.408 --> 00:03:30.944 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
>> AND THAT'S THE STORY OF THE
VERY FIRST CHRISTMAS.
00:03:31.010 --> 00:03:32.145 line:85% position:40% size:58%
>> WAIT A MINUTE, MAMA.
00:03:32.211 --> 00:03:34.948 line:79% position:25% size:78% align:start
HOW CAN THERE STILL BE A
CHRISTMAS IF THEY KILLED SANTA?
00:03:35.014 --> 00:03:36.883 line:85% position:38% size:53%
>> HMM. YOU'RE RIGHT.
00:03:36.950 --> 00:03:39.352 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
NO SANTA, NO CHRISTMAS, NO
CHRISTMAS PRESENTS.
00:03:39.419 --> 00:03:40.653 line:79% position:10% size:33% align:start
>> [ CRYING ]
>> AW.
00:03:40.720 --> 00:03:42.722 line:79% position:25% size:80% align:start
YOU REALLY WOULD HAVE LIKED THIS
ONE.
00:03:42.789 --> 00:03:44.457 line:85% position:18% size:15%
>> OH!
00:03:44.524 --> 00:03:47.660 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
>> All: ♪ DECK THE HALLS WITH
BOUGHS OF HOLLY ♪
00:03:47.727 --> 00:03:53.466 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
♪ FA-LA-LA-LA-LA, LA-LA -- ♪
>> LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!
00:03:53.533 --> 00:03:55.768 line:85% position:18% size:15%
SORRY.
00:03:55.835 --> 00:03:58.471 line:79% position:48% size:73%
>> WHEN THOSE ROBBERS TRY TO
BREAK IN, THEY'LL BE IN FOR A
00:03:58.538 --> 00:03:59.272 line:85% position:30% size:38%
NASTY SURPRISE.
00:03:59.339 --> 00:04:01.140 line:85% position:50% size:80%
NAILS ON BASEMENT STAIRS, CHECK.
00:04:01.207 --> 00:04:02.976 line:85% position:50% size:78%
IRON ATTACHED TO STRING, CHECK.
00:04:03.042 --> 00:04:04.978 line:85% position:43% size:63%
TRUCKS, ORNAMENTS, CHECK.
00:04:05.044 --> 00:04:08.081 line:85% position:33% size:45%
PAINT CANS, CHECK.
00:04:08.147 --> 00:04:10.717 line:85% position:30% size:38%
SAFE AND SOUND.
00:04:10.783 --> 00:04:12.986 line:79% position:25% size:30%
[ SNORING ]
[ COUGHING ]
00:04:22.095 --> 00:04:23.463 line:85% position:18% size:13%
FIRE!
00:04:23.529 --> 00:04:28.034 line:79% position:10% size:55% align:start
[ COUGHING CONTINUES ]
AAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAH!
00:04:28.101 --> 00:04:29.836 line:85% position:25% size:28%
AAAAAAAAAH!
00:04:33.172 --> 00:04:34.374 line:85% position:23% size:23%
AAAAAAAH!
00:04:34.440 --> 00:04:35.541 line:85% position:23% size:23%
AAAAAAAH!
00:04:35.608 --> 00:04:41.347 line:79% position:10% size:30% align:start
[ SIZZLING ]
AAAAAAAH!
00:04:41.414 --> 00:04:42.582 line:85% position:15% size:10%
OOH!
00:04:42.649 --> 00:04:50.456 line:79% position:10% size:33% align:start
[ CRYING ]
[ SCREAMING ]
00:04:50.523 --> 00:04:52.091 line:79% position:10% size:23% align:start
AAA--
[ CLANG ]
00:04:52.158 --> 00:04:53.326 line:85% position:43% size:65%
>> [ Crying ] OH, MY BABY.
00:04:53.393 --> 00:04:55.695 line:79% position:25% size:78% align:start
>> WE WERE JUST DRIVING BY, AND
WE SAW THE FLAMES.
00:04:55.762 --> 00:04:58.698 line:85% position:43% size:65%
IS THAT KID GONNA BE OKAY?
00:04:58.765 --> 00:05:01.167 line:85% position:25% size:28%
>> AAAAAAH!
00:05:01.234 --> 00:05:02.068 line:85% position:33% size:43%
>> HOW DID IT GO?
00:05:02.135 --> 00:05:03.770 line:79% position:10% size:58% align:start
DID YOU DELIVER ALL THE
PRESENTS?
00:05:03.836 --> 00:05:04.837 line:85% position:38% size:55%
ARE THE REINDEER OKAY?
00:05:04.904 --> 00:05:05.905 line:85% position:25% size:30%
>> HO-HO-HO!
00:05:05.972 --> 00:05:08.007 line:79% position:10% size:68% align:start
HOW ABOUT TWO SECONDS TO
DECOMPRESS BEFORE YOU VOICE
00:05:08.074 --> 00:05:09.776 line:85% position:38% size:53%
[BLEEP] MY EAR HOLES?
00:05:09.842 --> 00:05:12.979 line:79% position:50% size:78%
>> JOSEPH, REMEMBER WHEN I SAID
THAT EVEN THOUGH WE'RE MARRIED,
00:05:13.046 --> 00:05:14.881 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
I NEVER WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH
YOU?
00:05:14.947 --> 00:05:16.149 line:85% position:40% size:58%
>> YEAH. BLACK TUESDAY.
00:05:16.215 --> 00:05:19.052 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
>> WELL, I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT
MYSELF, BUT I'M PREGNANT!
00:05:19.118 --> 00:05:22.021 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
>> HEY, JOE, HOW GOES THE PLAN
TO BANG MARY IN HER SLEEP?!
00:05:22.088 --> 00:05:24.123 line:85% position:28% size:35%
OH, HEY, MARY.
00:05:24.190 --> 00:05:27.393 line:85% position:50% size:80%
I, UH -- I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.
00:05:27.460 --> 00:05:31.097 line:79% position:10% size:68% align:start
>> ♪ JINGLE BELLS, BATMAN
SMELLS, ROBIN LAID AN EGG ♪
00:05:31.164 --> 00:05:34.767 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
♪ THE BATMOBILE LOST ITS -- ♪
[ GASPS ] BATMAN?!
00:05:34.834 --> 00:05:36.235 line:79% position:10% size:48% align:start
[ PATTER! PATTER! ]
>> OH!
00:05:36.302 --> 00:05:37.403 line:85% position:38% size:55%
>> KEEP SINGING, BOYS.
00:05:37.470 --> 00:05:38.571 line:85% position:40% size:58%
WE WERE LEARNING A LOT.
00:05:38.638 --> 00:05:41.741 line:79% position:25% size:80% align:start
>> YEAH. I NEVER KNEW BATMAN HAD
AN ODOR PROBLEM.
00:05:41.808 --> 00:05:43.443 line:79% position:10% size:33% align:start
>> [ SNIFFS ]
HMM. WEIRD.
00:05:43.509 --> 00:05:44.844 line:85% position:40% size:58%
I DON'T SMELL ANYTHING.
00:05:44.911 --> 00:05:45.845 line:85% position:30% size:38%
DO YOU, DOUGIE?
00:05:45.912 --> 00:05:48.681 line:79% position:10% size:60% align:start
>> [ MUFFLED SCREAMING ]
>> I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
00:05:48.748 --> 00:05:51.551 line:79% position:30% size:78% align:start
>> [ Voice breaking ] I WANT MY
MOMMY!
00:05:51.617 --> 00:05:52.719 line:85% position:30% size:40%
>> YEAH? ME TOO.
00:05:52.785 --> 00:05:55.221 line:79% position:28% size:78% align:start
>> I MAY BE NAMED AFTER A BIRD,
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M
00:05:55.288 --> 00:05:56.022 line:85% position:28% size:35%
DROPPING EGGS!
00:05:56.089 --> 00:05:56.956 line:85% position:15% size:10%
HUH?
00:05:57.023 --> 00:05:58.691 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
YOU WANT TO CHECK THESE SHORTS
FOR SOME EGGS?
00:05:58.758 --> 00:06:00.693 line:79% position:25% size:80% align:start
HUH? YOU SEE ANY [BLEEP] EGGS IN
THERE?
00:06:00.760 --> 00:06:01.794 line:85% position:38% size:53%
>> WE GOT TO GO! RUN!
00:06:01.861 --> 00:06:02.762 line:85% position:30% size:40%
GET OUT OF HERE!
00:06:02.829 --> 00:06:04.497 line:85% position:50% size:80%
>> THEY'RE GETTING AWAY, BATMAN.
00:06:04.564 --> 00:06:05.598 line:85% position:35% size:48%
>> NOT ON MY WATCH.
00:06:05.665 --> 00:06:08.334 line:79% position:10% size:60% align:start
[ BEEPS ]
THE RATS ARE SCATTERING.
00:06:08.401 --> 00:06:12.472 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
>> HOLY "THESE [BLEEP] AREN'T
GOING ANYWHERE."
00:06:12.538 --> 00:06:20.913 line:79% position:10% size:28% align:start
>> [ SOBS ]
>> AAH.
00:06:20.980 --> 00:06:22.148 line:85% position:45% size:70%
>> [ Voice breaking ] SORRY!
00:06:22.215 --> 00:06:24.984 line:79% position:25% size:80% align:start
>> YOU CAN TELL YOUR DENTIST I'M
SORRY.
00:06:25.051 --> 00:06:27.386 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
>> AND THE POLICE DIDN'T EVEN
INVESTIGATE THE CHILDREN'S
00:06:27.453 --> 00:06:29.489 line:79% position:25% size:80% align:start
DISAPPEARANCE, BECAUSE BATMAN IS
ABOVE THE LAW.
00:06:29.555 --> 00:06:31.891 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
BUT PLEASE, TROY, KEEP SINGING
YOUR HILARIOUS VERSION OF
00:06:31.958 --> 00:06:34.127 line:79% position:28% size:80% align:start
"JINGLE BELLS" AND [BLEEP] UP MY
CHRISTMAS PROGRAM.
00:06:34.193 --> 00:06:35.061 line:85% position:35% size:50%
NO? ALL RIGHT, THEN.
00:06:35.128 --> 00:06:36.562 line:85% position:28% size:33%
FROM THE TOP.
00:06:36.629 --> 00:06:39.565 line:79% position:10% size:60% align:start
[ CRANK! CRANK! CRANK! ]
[ BUBBLE! ]
00:06:43.202 --> 00:06:46.139 line:79% position:10% size:38% align:start
[ GUN COCKING ]
[ BUBBLE! ]
00:06:49.008 --> 00:06:50.576 line:79% position:28% size:35%
>> [ SCREAMS ]
[ GUN COCKS ]
00:06:50.643 --> 00:06:52.078 line:79% position:10% size:33% align:start
[ SCREAMS ]
[ GUN COCKS ]
00:06:52.145 --> 00:06:53.579 line:79% position:10% size:33% align:start
[ SCREAMS ]
[ GUN COCKS ]
00:06:53.646 --> 00:06:54.981 line:79% position:25% size:28%
[ SCREAMS ]
[ BUBBLE! ]
00:06:55.047 --> 00:07:00.586 line:79% position:10% size:40% align:start
>> [ SCREAMING ]
>> HEY, KYLE.
00:07:00.653 --> 00:07:04.657 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
HAVE ANY BIG PLANS FOR THE
HOLIDAY BREAK?
00:07:04.724 --> 00:07:06.425 line:85% position:20% size:18%
>> YES.
00:07:06.492 --> 00:07:10.963 line:85% position:35% size:48%
>> O-O-O-O-O-O-KAY.
00:07:11.030 --> 00:07:12.265 line:85% position:40% size:60%
>> AW, COME ON, COME ON!
00:07:12.331 --> 00:07:12.732 line:85% position:18% size:15%
DO IT!
00:07:12.799 --> 00:07:13.499 line:85% position:25% size:30%
LOOK AT YOU!
00:07:13.566 --> 00:07:14.901 line:85% position:43% size:65%
>> YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT.
00:07:14.967 --> 00:07:15.468 line:85% position:20% size:20%
CHICKEN!
00:07:15.535 --> 00:07:16.502 line:85% position:33% size:45%
>> HA HA, SHUT UP.
00:07:16.569 --> 00:07:17.737 line:85% position:40% size:58%
I'LL DO IT, I'LL DO IT.
00:07:17.804 --> 00:07:19.739 line:79% position:23% size:25%
[ LAUGHS ]
HO, HO...
00:07:26.779 --> 00:07:27.680 line:85% position:15% size:8%
HO.
00:07:27.747 --> 00:07:31.918 line:79% position:10% size:43% align:start
[ WIND GUSTS ]
[ MUFFLED SHOUT ]
00:07:31.984 --> 00:07:35.721 line:79% position:25% size:78% align:start
[ CREAK! POINK! ]
>> IT LOOKS LIKE, SOMEHOW, YOUR
00:07:35.788 --> 00:07:37.990 line:79% position:10% size:68% align:start
HEART GREW THREE SIZES THIS
DAY.
00:07:38.057 --> 00:07:42.461 line:79% position:10% size:68% align:start
>> IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRAC--
>> IT'S TERMINAL.
00:07:42.528 --> 00:07:43.896 line:85% position:45% size:70%
>> DAD, IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
00:07:43.963 --> 00:07:45.731 line:79% position:10% size:68% align:start
>> OF COURSE SANTA CLAUS IS
REAL.
00:07:45.798 --> 00:07:47.967 line:79% position:10% size:68% align:start
WHO DO YOU THINK BRINGS YOU
YOUR PRESENTS?
00:07:48.034 --> 00:07:50.102 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
>> DID HE ALWAYS LIVE IN THE
NORTH POLE?
00:07:50.169 --> 00:07:52.505 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
>> ACTUALLY, HE GREW UP RIGHT
HERE IN CHICAGO.
00:07:52.572 --> 00:07:53.940 line:85% position:45% size:70%
HE EVEN PLAYED FOR THE CUBS.
00:07:54.006 --> 00:07:56.609 line:79% position:10% size:45% align:start
[ CROWD CHEERING ]
>> WOW!
00:07:56.676 --> 00:07:58.244 line:85% position:43% size:63%
TELL ME MORE ABOUT SANTA.
00:07:58.311 --> 00:07:59.579 line:85% position:35% size:48%
>> WELL, LET'S SEE.
00:07:59.645 --> 00:08:01.547 line:85% position:50% size:78%
OH! H-HE LOVES "ROBOT CHICKEN."
00:08:01.614 --> 00:08:03.716 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
HE'S EVEN DONE VOICES ON THE
SHOW.
00:08:03.783 --> 00:08:06.085 line:79% position:23% size:80% align:start
>> YOU WORTHLESS D-BAGS WOULDN'T
LET HIM PLAY YOUR REINDEER
00:08:06.152 --> 00:08:06.586 line:85% position:18% size:15%
GAMES.
00:08:06.652 --> 00:08:07.620 line:85% position:35% size:48%
>> HE SOUNDS FUNNY.
00:08:07.687 --> 00:08:09.722 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
DO YOU THINK WE WOULD'VE BEEN
FRIENDS GROWING UP?
00:08:09.789 --> 00:08:10.823 line:85% position:20% size:20%
>> SURE.
00:08:10.890 --> 00:08:13.793 line:79% position:45% size:68%
HE WAS JUST LIKE YOU -- THE
APPLE OF HIS PARENTS' EYE.
00:08:13.860 --> 00:08:16.729 line:79% position:25% size:78% align:start
HE HAD A HUGE CRATE OF TOYS AND
LOVED TO PLAY.
00:08:16.796 --> 00:08:20.066 line:79% position:25% size:78% align:start
[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ]
AND HE WAS VERY FUNNY -- ALWAYS
00:08:20.132 --> 00:08:21.300 line:85% position:35% size:48%
A BARREL OF LAUGHS.
00:08:21.367 --> 00:08:22.768 line:85% position:40% size:58%
>> SANTA'S THE COOLEST!
00:08:22.835 --> 00:08:24.103 line:85% position:38% size:53%
>> HE SURE IS, BILLY.
00:08:24.170 --> 00:08:27.273 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
NOW, YOU BETTER GO TO SLEEP SO
SANTA CAN DO HIS JOB.
00:08:27.340 --> 00:08:28.774 line:85% position:35% size:48%
>> GOOD NIGHT, DAD.
00:08:28.841 --> 00:08:30.076 line:85% position:30% size:40%
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
00:08:30.142 --> 00:08:38.351 line:79% position:45% size:68%
[ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> HE GREW UP RIGHT HERE IN
00:08:38.417 --> 00:08:39.352 line:85% position:20% size:20%
CHICAGO.
00:08:39.418 --> 00:08:41.821 line:85% position:45% size:70%
HE EVEN PLAYED FOR THE CUBS.
00:08:41.888 --> 00:08:45.324 line:85% position:43% size:63%
HE LOVES "ROBOT CHICKEN."
00:08:45.391 --> 00:08:49.629 line:85% position:48% size:75%
THE APPLE OF HIS PARENTS' EYE.
00:08:49.695 --> 00:08:51.797 line:85% position:38% size:53%
A HUGE CRATE OF TOYS.
00:08:51.864 --> 00:08:57.670 line:85% position:33% size:43%
BARREL OF LAUGHS.
00:08:57.737 --> 00:09:00.673 line:79% position:10% size:58% align:start
[ OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
00:09:05.845 --> 00:09:12.985 line:79% position:10% size:58% align:start
[ WHIP! ]
[ OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS ]
00:09:13.052 --> 00:09:15.855 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
>> THE GREATEST TRICK THAT
BILLY'S FATHER EVER PULLED WAS
00:09:15.922 --> 00:09:18.824 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
CONVINCING HIS SON THAT SANTA
EXISTS.
00:09:18.891 --> 00:09:21.928 line:79% position:50% size:80%
>> SANTA'S SO FAST, HE DELIVERS
PRESENTS TO THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD
00:09:21.994 --> 00:09:22.695 line:85% position:28% size:33%
IN ONE NIGHT.
00:09:22.762 --> 00:09:23.996 line:85% position:43% size:65%
>> AW, SUPERMAN IS FASTER!
00:09:24.063 --> 00:09:26.699 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
HE CIRCLED THE PLANET AND MADE
US ALL FORGET ABOUT THAT
00:09:26.766 --> 00:09:28.501 line:79% position:10% size:55% align:start
EARTHQUAKE THAT KILLED
LOIS LANE.
00:09:28.567 --> 00:09:29.502 line:85% position:35% size:48%
>> WHAT EARTHQUAKE?
00:09:29.568 --> 00:09:30.469 line:85% position:33% size:45%
>> EXACTLY, BITCH!
00:09:30.536 --> 00:09:31.904 line:85% position:45% size:70%
>> KIDS, KIDS, TAKE IT EASY!
00:09:31.971 --> 00:09:32.872 line:85% position:33% size:45%
>> Both: SUPERMAN!
00:09:32.939 --> 00:09:34.774 line:79% position:10% size:68% align:start
>> IT'S NOT IMPORTANT WHO'S
FASTEST.
00:09:34.840 --> 00:09:36.142 line:85% position:45% size:68%
>> SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE PUSS.
00:09:36.208 --> 00:09:37.576 line:85% position:45% size:70%
>> WHAT DID YOU [BLEEP] SAY?
00:09:37.643 --> 00:09:39.011 line:85% position:48% size:73%
I WOULD WHIP SANTA'S FAT ASS!
00:09:39.078 --> 00:09:41.781 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR,
YOU LITTLE [BLEEP] TURD?!
00:09:41.847 --> 00:09:43.950 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
[ GLASS SHATTERS ]
YOU COME AT ME, YOU COME AT ME
00:09:44.016 --> 00:09:45.117 line:85% position:35% size:48%
LIKE A [BLEEP] MAN!
00:09:45.184 --> 00:09:47.320 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
>> I'VE GOT TO BLOG ABOUT THE
[BLEEP] THAT JUST WENT DOWN
00:09:47.386 --> 00:09:48.187 line:85% position:25% size:28%
RIGHT HERE.
00:09:48.254 --> 00:09:50.423 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
>> OLD SUPES THINKS HE'S THE
FASTEST, EH?
00:09:50.489 --> 00:09:51.123 line:85% position:23% size:23%
HO-HO-HO!
00:09:51.190 --> 00:09:52.825 line:85% position:50% size:80%
>> SO WHO IS THE FASTEST, SANTA?
00:09:52.892 --> 00:09:53.626 line:85% position:25% size:30%
>> HO-HO-HO!
00:09:53.693 --> 00:09:54.860 line:85% position:38% size:53%
THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
00:09:54.927 --> 00:09:56.362 line:85% position:45% size:68%
>> SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE PUSS.
00:09:56.429 --> 00:10:00.433 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
[ GLASS SHATTERS ]
>> WE DOING THIS, BLUE BALLS?
00:10:00.499 --> 00:10:02.268 line:79% position:10% size:55% align:start
>> YOU GOT THAT RIGHT,
ST. DICK!
00:10:02.335 --> 00:10:03.970 line:85% position:45% size:70%
HEY, NO FAIR USING REINDEER.
00:10:04.036 --> 00:10:07.173 line:79% position:48% size:75%
>> OH, OKAY, NO FAIR USING OUR
YELLOW SUN, THEN, YOU [BLEEP]
00:10:07.239 --> 00:10:07.873 line:85% position:18% size:15%
ALIEN.
00:10:07.940 --> 00:10:15.314 line:79% position:10% size:43% align:start
[ WHOOSH! ]
[ CLOCK TICKING ]
00:10:15.381 --> 00:10:17.283 line:79% position:25% size:80% align:start
[ BELLS JINGLE, HOOVES SCREECH ]
[ WHOOSH! ]
00:10:17.350 --> 00:10:18.384 line:85% position:28% size:35%
>> IT'S A TIE!
00:10:18.451 --> 00:10:20.353 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
>> WHAT A COMPLETE AND TOTAL
WASTE OF EVERYBODY'S TIME!
00:10:20.419 --> 00:10:22.521 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
>> WELL, EVEN A TIE HAS SOME
ENTERTAINMENT VALUE.
00:10:22.588 --> 00:10:25.624 line:79% position:10% size:45% align:start
>> All: [ BOOING ]
>> HA HA!
00:10:25.691 --> 00:10:27.460 line:85% position:48% size:73%
SORRY WE TOOK SO LONG, FOLKS.
00:10:27.526 --> 00:10:28.361 line:85% position:25% size:30%
>> HO-HO-HO!
00:10:28.427 --> 00:10:30.329 line:85% position:50% size:78%
WE RAN INTO A FEW RACE HAZARDS.
00:10:30.396 --> 00:10:32.331 line:85% position:50% size:80%
>> LEX LUTHOR HERE TRIED TO D.Q.
00:10:32.398 --> 00:10:33.733 line:85% position:35% size:50%
US BOTH PERMANENTLY.
00:10:33.799 --> 00:10:37.303 line:79% position:28% size:78% align:start
>> LUCKILY, WE STOPPED HIM, BUT
ONLY BY WORKING TOGETHER.
00:10:37.370 --> 00:10:39.672 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> I THINK THEY'RE BUYING IT.
00:10:39.739 --> 00:10:40.306 line:85% position:20% size:20%
BUMP IT.
00:10:40.373 --> 00:10:41.273 line:85% position:30% size:40%
>> RECIPROCATED!
00:10:41.340 --> 00:10:42.308 line:85% position:35% size:50%
>> UP, UP, AND AWAY.
00:10:42.375 --> 00:10:42.775 line:85% position:20% size:18%
>> HUH?
00:10:42.842 --> 00:10:43.709 line:85% position:28% size:33%
W-WHERE AM I?
00:10:43.776 --> 00:10:45.678 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
I-I WAS AT MY MOTHER'S DOING
LAUNDRY, AND --
00:10:45.745 --> 00:10:47.146 line:85% position:50% size:78%
>> WEAPONIZING ANTHRAX, LUTHOR?
00:10:47.213 --> 00:10:48.014 line:85% position:30% size:40%
NOT ON MY WATCH!
00:10:48.080 --> 00:10:48.581 line:85% position:23% size:23%
>> WHAT?!
00:10:48.647 --> 00:10:50.549 line:79% position:10% size:35% align:start
WEAPONIZING --
>> BOOM!
00:10:50.616 --> 00:10:53.586 line:79% position:10% size:60% align:start
[ TING! ]
>> ♪ YOU'RE MY BROTHER ♪
00:10:53.652 --> 00:10:55.588 line:10% position:10% size:48% align:start
♪ YOU'RE MY SLAVE ♪
♪ YOU'RE MY DOG ♪
00:10:55.654 --> 00:10:58.257 line:10% position:35% size:50%
♪ DON'T I LOVE IT? ♪
♪ YOU'RE MY LOVER ♪
00:10:58.324 --> 00:11:00.926 line:10% position:10% size:53% align:start
♪ TAKE IT OFF ♪
♪ YOU'RE MY BROTHER ♪
00:11:00.993 --> 00:11:03.029 line:10% position:10% size:48% align:start
♪ YOU'RE MY SLAVE ♪
♪ YOU'RE MY DOG ♪
00:11:03.095 --> 00:11:05.698 line:10% position:35% size:50%
♪ DON'T I LOVE IT? ♪
♪ YOU'RE MY LOVER ♪
00:11:05.765 --> 00:11:08.534 line:10% position:10% size:53% align:start
♪ TAKE IT OFF ♪
♪ YOU'RE MY BROTHER ♪
00:11:08.601 --> 00:11:10.436 line:10% position:10% size:48% align:start
♪ YOU'RE MY SLAVE ♪
♪ YOU'RE MY DOG ♪
00:11:10.503 --> 00:11:13.305 line:10% position:35% size:50%
♪ DON'T I LOVE IT? ♪
♪ YOU'RE MY LOVER ♪
00:11:13.372 --> 00:11:16.042 line:10% position:10% size:53% align:start
♪ TAKE IT OFF ♪
♪ YOU'RE MY BROTHER ♪
00:11:16.108 --> 00:11:18.144 line:10% position:10% size:48% align:start
♪ YOU'RE MY SLAVE ♪
♪ YOU'RE MY DOG ♪
00:11:18.210 --> 00:11:19.912 line:10% position:35% size:50%
♪ DON'T I LOVE IT? ♪