1 00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:04,971 [ Whirring ] 2 00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:06,973 [ Theme music plays ] 3 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:09,442 ♪♪ 4 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,444 [ Whirring ] 5 00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:18,284 ♪♪ 6 00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:19,719 Man: It's alive! 7 00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:27,761 ♪♪ 8 00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:28,895 [ Thunder rumbles ] 9 00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:38,505 ♪♪ 10 00:00:38,571 --> 00:00:40,907 Hey, did somebody down here order a pizza? 11 00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:42,208 Oh, whoa! 12 00:00:42,275 --> 00:00:43,977 Cowabunga, dude! 13 00:00:44,043 --> 00:00:47,080 Uh, oops. I, like, left my cash inside. 14 00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:50,116 Why don't you come in while I, like, grab it. 15 00:00:50,183 --> 00:00:53,653 Oh, bummer! I can't find my cash. 16 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:57,223 How else can I, like, pay you? 17 00:00:57,290 --> 00:01:00,093 Uh, bro, I don't know what's happening, but I'm a hard pass. 18 00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:03,730 [ All chuckling ] 19 00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:05,532 Yeah. Great job, Mikey. 20 00:01:05,598 --> 00:01:07,901 That schtick always gets us free pizza. 21 00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:12,205 [ Chuckles ] Ha ha. Yeah, that was my goal. 22 00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:15,542 One day, someone will make me come out of my shell. 23 00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:19,879 Uh, yeah, I'm supposed to meet Melanie here. 24 00:01:19,946 --> 00:01:21,714 I'm -- I'm Melanie. 25 00:01:21,781 --> 00:01:23,850 You don't look anything like your pictures online. 26 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,585 Wait, did you human me? 27 00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:27,687 ♪♪ 28 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,456 Happy Easter, kids! 29 00:01:29,521 --> 00:01:31,324 Don't forget the true meaning of the holiday -- 30 00:01:31,390 --> 00:01:32,991 chocolate and Easter egg hunts. 31 00:01:33,059 --> 00:01:34,426 Yay! Who's next? 32 00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:36,262 Oh, that would be me. 33 00:01:36,329 --> 00:01:38,398 Chocolate and Easter egg hunts, huh? 34 00:01:38,465 --> 00:01:39,732 Nothing about a certain someone 35 00:01:39,799 --> 00:01:41,835 dying for a certain everyone's sins?! 36 00:01:41,901 --> 00:01:42,902 Fuck off, man. It's just business. 37 00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:44,838 Hey, is there a problem-- Ow! 38 00:01:44,904 --> 00:01:46,539 Ow, my fucking hand! 39 00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:48,508 [ Sobbing ] Hey, hey! 40 00:01:48,575 --> 00:01:52,145 ♪♪ 41 00:01:52,212 --> 00:01:54,347 [ Grunting ] 42 00:01:54,414 --> 00:02:01,921 ♪♪ 43 00:02:01,988 --> 00:02:03,523 Happy Easter! 44 00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:05,225 All right! Look, I'm sorry, man. 45 00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:07,327 I just -- I couldn't turn down $300 a day. 46 00:02:07,393 --> 00:02:13,032 You committed this blasphemy for $300 a day?! 47 00:02:13,099 --> 00:02:15,535 Happy Easter! Ho ho ho! 48 00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:18,037 Eggs! We're splitting it 50-50, right? 49 00:02:18,103 --> 00:02:19,706 Uh, 60-40, Bugs. 50 00:02:19,772 --> 00:02:21,674 I rose from the fucking dead. 51 00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:24,477 Jeepers, you're Unsinkable Molly Brown. 52 00:02:24,544 --> 00:02:26,980 You survived the Titanic! Can I have your autograph? 53 00:02:27,046 --> 00:02:28,648 Certainly, my dear. 54 00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:30,350 [ Screams ] 55 00:02:30,416 --> 00:02:33,052 Oh, shit! [ Grunts ] 56 00:02:33,119 --> 00:02:34,654 We can now confirm King Kong fell from atop 57 00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:36,089 the Empire State Building, landing on 58 00:02:36,155 --> 00:02:37,991 Unsinkable Molly Brown, crushing her to death, and -- 59 00:02:38,057 --> 00:02:39,893 [ Gasps ] Wait, I don't believe what I'm seeing. 60 00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:41,694 Rescue workers are pulling a victim out of 61 00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:43,296 the great beast's mighty anal cavity. 62 00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:44,697 Let's -- let's listen in. 63 00:02:44,764 --> 00:02:47,433 [ Squelching, woman gasping ] 64 00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:50,236 It's Unsinkable Molly Brown! She's alive! 65 00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:52,305 What incredible luck for the creature to land on her 66 00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:53,940 in such a way -- all things considered. 67 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,408 Molly Brown truly can't be killed. 68 00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:57,477 Gee willikers, aren't you 69 00:02:57,543 --> 00:02:59,913 King Kong's Butthole Molly Brown? 70 00:02:59,978 --> 00:03:02,081 Can I have your auto-- Get the fuck 71 00:03:02,148 --> 00:03:03,883 out of my face! 72 00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:07,453 And I was like, "Unh-uh, my makeup is perf. 73 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,656 You're getting a dry handy or nothing." 74 00:03:09,722 --> 00:03:10,990 [ Laughter ] 75 00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:13,393 [ Phone chimes ] Who is Carol Young? 76 00:03:13,459 --> 00:03:14,994 That's my mom. Why? 77 00:03:15,061 --> 00:03:17,897 She just followed me on Twitter! 78 00:03:17,964 --> 00:03:19,732 [ Chirps ] 79 00:03:19,799 --> 00:03:22,569 Your mom just sent me a friend request! 80 00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:24,404 She's blowing up my Insta. 81 00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:28,808 She just commented on a picture I posted from Cancun in 2015! 82 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:32,078 "Looking hot, chicas!" Sombrero emoji, poop emoji! 83 00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,579 What?! [ All scream ] 84 00:03:33,646 --> 00:03:36,849 Hey, hey! Mom! Get out of here! 85 00:03:36,916 --> 00:03:38,484 [ Panting ] 86 00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:40,620 She's coming, she's coming! 87 00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:43,790 What are you guys, on roller skates? 88 00:03:43,856 --> 00:03:45,758 #Squadgoals, right, girls? 89 00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:47,594 Just kill me now! 90 00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:49,462 [ Laughing ] A selfie! 91 00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:50,863 [ Laughing ] 92 00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:56,135 [ Screaming ] 93 00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:58,004 [ Smacking ] 94 00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,739 [ Crunching, smacking ] 95 00:03:59,805 --> 00:04:03,042 [ Squelching ] 96 00:04:03,109 --> 00:04:04,744 [ Phones chiming ] 97 00:04:09,015 --> 00:04:10,550 [ Horn honks ] Ew! 98 00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:13,486 Ugh! That young man over there is mooning us. 99 00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:15,555 What?! [ Squeaking ] 100 00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:18,591 Ugh! Oh, no! He's full-mooning us, Karen, 101 00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:20,526 I'm -- I'm a werewolf. You're a what? 102 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:24,097 Oh, Karen, take the wheel! Aroo! 103 00:04:24,163 --> 00:04:26,165 [ Tires squeal ] 104 00:04:26,232 --> 00:04:27,900 ♪♪ 105 00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:30,703 [ Tires squeal ] 106 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,906 Hey, I've got some candy in my van. You want to come see? 107 00:04:33,973 --> 00:04:36,676 Hey, I've got underage boys in my van. 108 00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:38,177 Want to come see? 109 00:04:38,244 --> 00:04:39,345 Well played. 110 00:04:39,412 --> 00:04:41,114 Pick a card, any card. 111 00:04:44,917 --> 00:04:47,086 For the souffle, you must make sure to use 112 00:04:47,153 --> 00:04:48,588 room temperature eggs. 113 00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:50,123 Un, deux, trois. 114 00:04:50,189 --> 00:04:52,025 Oh! Hey, you killed my sisters, 115 00:04:52,091 --> 00:04:54,193 you fucking bitch! [ Gunfire ] 116 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:59,499 Hi, yes. 30 boxes of Sudasmurf, please. 117 00:04:59,565 --> 00:05:01,601 "Sudasmurf"? I mean, Sudafed. 118 00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:03,169 Smurfed that up. [ Chuckles ] 119 00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:05,438 We don't sell to smurfs. 120 00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:07,640 I'm not a smurf. I hate smurfs! What's a smurf? 121 00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:09,142 Smurfs are what we call people 122 00:05:09,208 --> 00:05:11,144 who buy Sudafed to make crystal meth. 123 00:05:11,210 --> 00:05:12,979 We are not here to make meth. We're here -- 124 00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:15,114 I mean I'm here because Papa Smurf -- I mean, 125 00:05:15,181 --> 00:05:16,849 Papa Human Being Person -- ugh! 126 00:05:16,916 --> 00:05:19,318 Has a bad head cold and asked me to smur-- 127 00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:22,255 Ugh! I mean, buy some cold medi-smurf for him! 128 00:05:22,321 --> 00:05:23,823 Nailed it. Uh-huh. 129 00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:25,725 I need to see some I.D. Of course. 130 00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:28,761 Smurf on a sec. Uh, Handy, smurf me out here. 131 00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:30,430 Handy is what I call my hand. 132 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:31,998 [ Chuckles ] Oh. 133 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:33,499 Here you go. 134 00:05:33,566 --> 00:05:35,534 Uh, this I.D. is made of cardboard. 135 00:05:35,601 --> 00:05:38,638 Hey, Brainy, smurf him this. [ Laughs ] 136 00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:40,840 We all chipped in and smurfed you a gift. 137 00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:42,709 And, again, by we, I mean me. 138 00:05:42,775 --> 00:05:44,310 Hmm. Odd, but, okay. 139 00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:46,512 Got it! Hefty, get us out of here! 140 00:05:46,579 --> 00:05:48,381 Whoo-hoo! 141 00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:51,017 We're gonna get so smurfin' high! 142 00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:54,587 I'm gonna smurf crank right into my eyeball. 143 00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:58,257 [ Jail doors slamming ] 144 00:05:58,324 --> 00:06:00,526 Der-di-ker der, der, der, nnn! 145 00:06:00,593 --> 00:06:02,428 [ Sighs ] I don't understand you, sir. 146 00:06:02,495 --> 00:06:04,864 You're going to have to return to your country of origin. 147 00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:07,533 Dergin do! 148 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:09,469 [ Cackling ] 149 00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:13,106 [ Idyllic music plays ] 150 00:06:13,172 --> 00:06:15,308 [ Chuckles ] You know that's a mole's dick, right? 151 00:06:15,374 --> 00:06:17,009 [ Spitting ] 152 00:06:17,076 --> 00:06:18,978 Oh, no, it's not. Actually, I'm a mole down here, 153 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,047 and I can see clearly that it's a worm! 154 00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:23,950 Now get that worm! Get it! 155 00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:26,719 Ziggy, we found a way to double your productivity -- 156 00:06:26,786 --> 00:06:28,154 with Silly Putty. 157 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:31,624 Talk about your suffocating work environment. 158 00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:36,462 Hey, good looking. 159 00:06:36,529 --> 00:06:38,765 Hey, you look like me. No, you look like me. 160 00:06:38,831 --> 00:06:40,832 No, you look like me. No, you look like me! 161 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:44,270 Sometimes it's hard to feel unique in this world. 162 00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:46,506 What do you want me to do, Ziggy? Profits are up 1,000%. 163 00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:49,375 And just look at them out there. You know, sometime I wish 164 00:06:49,442 --> 00:06:51,811 the water cooler would make me a little cooler. 165 00:06:51,878 --> 00:06:53,880 When I wished for a paycheck, I should have been more specific 166 00:06:53,946 --> 00:06:55,681 about the numbers on it. 167 00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:58,017 They're all so dull. My God, what have I done?! 168 00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,852 We have to end this. Burn them. 169 00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:01,721 Burn them all. [ Screaming ] 170 00:07:01,788 --> 00:07:03,990 -Ow! -Ow! 171 00:07:04,056 --> 00:07:06,392 [ Screaming ] 172 00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:07,994 Ow! 173 00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:09,295 Ow! 174 00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:12,131 I always wondered what bacon feels like. 175 00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:14,300 [ Chuckles ] They always told me 176 00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:16,302 my career would catch fire. 177 00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:17,770 Oh, fuck it. Even one's too many. 178 00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:21,407 Whoa! Is this your way of telling me I'm fired?! 179 00:07:21,474 --> 00:07:23,476 You just used a fire pun! 180 00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:24,744 Just burn faster! 181 00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:26,279 [ Ziggys screaming ] 182 00:07:26,345 --> 00:07:28,714 Looks like somebody's got a case of the Mondays. 183 00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:31,317 [ Music pulsing ] 184 00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:34,120 -This is a raid! -All: Raid?! 185 00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:36,589 Fox News has fired yet another host. 186 00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:39,425 Filling in tonight, an actual fox -- Swiper. 187 00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:42,662 Caution, you're about to enter the Swiping Zone! 188 00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:45,064 First up tonight, the president continues 189 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:48,334 his immigration crackdown, deporting a suspicious senorita. 190 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:51,504 I was born in East L.A.! I'm not leaving! 191 00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:54,407 Oh, no! You can't tell me where to go! 192 00:07:54,473 --> 00:07:55,741 [ Grunting ] 193 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,643 Anyway, what's next? Lori? 194 00:07:57,710 --> 00:07:59,545 Hey there, boobs. Looking good. 195 00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:02,348 Doesn't she look great? I could fox with that. 196 00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:04,350 Swiper, no swiping! Swiper, no swiping! 197 00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:07,486 Swiper, no swiping! You're too late! 198 00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:09,121 [ Chuckles ] 199 00:08:09,188 --> 00:08:12,825 ♪♪ 200 00:08:12,892 --> 00:08:14,961 Little boy of wood and string, 201 00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:17,363 for you the gift of life I bring. 202 00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:20,066 Hey, that's pretty nifty. Can -- can you do that on anything? 203 00:08:20,132 --> 00:08:22,068 What kind of rules are we working with here? 204 00:08:22,134 --> 00:08:23,703 Achoo! 205 00:08:23,769 --> 00:08:26,038 Oh, this hay fever is killing me. 206 00:08:26,105 --> 00:08:28,074 Drop the narcotics. What's that, son? 207 00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:30,142 Suspect noncompliant. [ Gunfire, screaming ] 208 00:08:30,209 --> 00:08:32,477 You cannot purchase antihistamines 209 00:08:32,544 --> 00:08:34,447 without proper identification. 210 00:08:34,513 --> 00:08:36,315 Suspect noncompliant. 211 00:08:36,381 --> 00:08:39,251 Oh, my foot! Okay, I don't need the Sudafed. 212 00:08:39,318 --> 00:08:41,921 I'll just go home! Oh, God. 213 00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:44,457 Pseudoephedrine is a key ingredient in methamphetamine. 214 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,325 You will not purchase pseudoephedrine without 215 00:08:46,392 --> 00:08:48,027 proper identification. 216 00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:49,495 It's in my car! 217 00:08:49,562 --> 00:08:51,497 Please, son, just let me get to my car! 218 00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:52,965 Suspect noncompliant! 219 00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:54,967 [ Grunting ] 220 00:08:57,770 --> 00:09:00,573 Whoa, man, this ain't what it smurfs like, man! 221 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:02,742 [ Screaming ] 222 00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:07,546 Suspect noncompliant. 223 00:09:07,613 --> 00:09:09,582 [ Beeping ] Hello, Sarah. 224 00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:11,284 [ Beeping ] You never called me back. 225 00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:12,818 [ Beep ] 226 00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:15,888 I miss you. Me-ma, me-ma, me-ma. 227 00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:18,257 Hey, ALF, what ya doing? 228 00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:20,660 Brian, I'm just listening to some old tunes I wrote 229 00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:23,629 back on Melmac. You were a musician? 230 00:09:23,696 --> 00:09:26,732 Yeah! I even have an old music video I shot. 231 00:09:26,799 --> 00:09:28,267 Check it out. 232 00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:29,635 [ Rap plays ] 233 00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:31,837 ♪ Coming straight outta Melmac 234 00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:33,272 ♪ That's where I'm at 235 00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:34,440 ♪ What's my favorite dish? 236 00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:35,641 ♪ You know it's cat 237 00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:37,877 ♪ Eat so many cats, my belly's flabby ♪ 238 00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:40,179 ♪ But ALF ain't eating no regular tabby ♪ 239 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,315 ♪ Got expensive tastes, I get my pick of the litter ♪ 240 00:09:42,381 --> 00:09:44,784 ♪ Chomping deep-fried Siberian kitten fritters ♪ 241 00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:46,953 ♪ You eat skinny cats, I like my felines fat ♪ 242 00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:49,555 ♪ I eat fat, bald cats that look like fat ass rats ♪ 243 00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:51,757 ♪ Cat burgers, cat dogs, man, you think I'm a liar ♪ 244 00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:54,193 ♪ Bitch, I once ate a Sumatran tiger ♪ 245 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,462 ♪ I eat cat tail churros and declawed paws ♪ 246 00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:58,798 ♪ I eat kitty soup out of an Egyptian vase ♪ 247 00:09:58,864 --> 00:10:01,100 ♪ While you're all eating alley cats covered in fleas ♪ 248 00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:03,402 ♪ Your boy ALF's eating cats that are Siamese ♪ 249 00:10:03,469 --> 00:10:05,938 ♪ I eat Burmese biscuits for breakfast ♪ 250 00:10:06,005 --> 00:10:07,640 ♪ Short-haired stack for brunch ♪ 251 00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:10,242 ♪ In between a Manx or a lynx to munch ♪ 252 00:10:10,309 --> 00:10:12,778 ♪ Take a Persian virgin Sphinx for lunch ♪ 253 00:10:12,845 --> 00:10:15,081 ♪ For dinner, I chow on Arabian Mao ♪ 254 00:10:15,147 --> 00:10:17,750 ♪ Even got a snow leopard in my tummy right now ♪ 255 00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:19,885 ♪ So what you know about that? 256 00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:22,221 ♪ I eat gourmet cat 257 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:25,057 ♪ ALF's eating so much pussy, yeah ♪ 258 00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:26,926 ♪ ALF's eating so much pussy 259 00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:29,495 ♪ ALF's eating so much pussy ♪ 260 00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:31,464 ♪ Yeah, ALF's eating so much pussy ♪ 261 00:10:31,530 --> 00:10:33,766 Maybe that's a good point to stop. 262 00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:36,402 Oh, that was awesome! I want to be just like you. 263 00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,471 That's great! You want to rap? 264 00:10:38,537 --> 00:10:40,706 No. I'm gonna eat our cat! 265 00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:42,508 Come here, Lucky! [ Chomp ] 266 00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,910 Ha! I like your style, kid. 267 00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:46,579 Save me some butthole. 268 00:10:46,645 --> 00:10:48,381 It's the best part! 269 00:10:48,447 --> 00:10:50,415 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk, ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 270 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,585 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 271 00:10:52,651 --> 00:10:54,820 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk, ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 272 00:10:54,887 --> 00:10:56,889 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 273 00:10:56,956 --> 00:10:59,058 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk, ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 274 00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:01,127 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 275 00:11:01,193 --> 00:11:03,229 Ba-gawk! Bawk. 276 00:11:05,865 --> 00:11:07,767 Stupid monkey.