1 00:00:03,303 --> 00:00:04,904 [ Whirring ] 2 00:00:04,971 --> 00:00:07,006 [ Theme music plays ] 3 00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:11,378 [ Whirring ] 4 00:00:11,444 --> 00:00:18,218 ♪♪ 5 00:00:18,284 --> 00:00:19,652 Man: It's alive! 6 00:00:19,719 --> 00:00:27,694 ♪♪ 7 00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:28,828 [ Thunder rumbles ] 8 00:00:28,895 --> 00:00:37,937 ♪♪ 9 00:00:38,738 --> 00:00:41,741 [ Alarm blaring ] Oh, no. Time to Hulk-out. 10 00:00:41,808 --> 00:00:43,643 [ Growling ] 11 00:00:46,579 --> 00:00:49,916 [ Deep voice ] Oh, no! Hulk leg still asleep. 12 00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:50,950 Hulk coming! 13 00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:52,986 W-Wait for Hulk! 14 00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:54,387 [ Grunting ] 15 00:00:54,754 --> 00:00:56,723 Mr. Scrooge, you've given the Cratchit family 16 00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:58,324 a merry Christmas, indeed. 17 00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:01,461 And I've saved the best gift for Tiny Tim. 18 00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:02,796 Oh, gosh, what is it? 19 00:01:02,862 --> 00:01:06,299 Mother Fucking robot legs! 20 00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:09,035 [ Screaming, crashing ] 21 00:01:09,102 --> 00:01:12,238 Tiny Tim: God bless us, every one! 22 00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:14,507 Merry Christmas, Cock suckers! 23 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,376 ♪♪ 24 00:01:16,443 --> 00:01:19,312 Yo, man, $50 for the girl. [ Giggles ] Hey. 25 00:01:19,379 --> 00:01:20,646 She graduate high school? 26 00:01:20,713 --> 00:01:22,148 -Uh, no. -Hey, Fuck you. 27 00:01:22,215 --> 00:01:24,417 High school graduates earn way more on average. 28 00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:26,319 Shit! You hear that, baby? 29 00:01:26,386 --> 00:01:29,155 I'll get you a GED, and we both be earning. 30 00:01:29,222 --> 00:01:30,490 Ooh! Cool! 31 00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:31,890 You really want to increase her earning potential, 32 00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:33,259 get her a bachelor's degree. 33 00:01:33,326 --> 00:01:36,329 Shit! I'll get her a mother fucking doctorate! Huh? 34 00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:38,231 Thanks. Yay! [ Giggles ] 35 00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:40,300 Whoo! We gonna make some bank now. 36 00:01:40,366 --> 00:01:41,701 Aw, it's a shame that women only make 37 00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,537 70 cents on the dollar compared to men. Aw, hell, no! 38 00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:47,207 Nobody's rippin' off 30 cents on every dollar from me! 39 00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:48,608 Well, Congress doesn't exactly have 40 00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:50,410 a great equal-rights track record lately. 41 00:01:50,477 --> 00:01:52,378 Baby, you're runnin' for Congress! 42 00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:53,713 Aw! I don't wanna. 43 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,281 If I say you runnin', you runnin' 44 00:01:55,348 --> 00:01:56,883 and winning! -Ugh... 45 00:01:57,851 --> 00:02:00,453 And that's why we must pass legislation for equal pay. 46 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,422 Women would get paid more 47 00:02:02,489 --> 00:02:05,592 if businesses didn't lose money from maternity leave. 48 00:02:05,658 --> 00:02:06,893 Oh, no, you didn't. 49 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,162 Now, sir, stay in your -- Oh, my God! 50 00:02:09,228 --> 00:02:10,930 Nobody asked you about... 51 00:02:11,931 --> 00:02:14,634 Congresswoman, will you please direct your associate 52 00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:17,637 to stop pimp slapping the fine representative -- 53 00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:19,138 Oh, shit! [ Crash ] 54 00:02:19,204 --> 00:02:20,807 Pimp: Ain't nobody asked you about shit! [ Screaming ] 55 00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:23,810 Got a grande, non-fat, triple three-pump, white mocha 56 00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:26,513 with light ice for Voldem-m-- 57 00:02:26,579 --> 00:02:27,881 Uh... 58 00:02:28,281 --> 00:02:30,650 ♪♪ 59 00:02:30,716 --> 00:02:33,386 You know, the Confederate flag isn't a racist symbol. 60 00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:36,189 The Civil War was principally a battle over states' rights, 61 00:02:36,256 --> 00:02:38,424 not slavery. -I disagree with my cousin Bo, 62 00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:40,660 and I am embarrassed to be in this car right now. 63 00:02:40,727 --> 00:02:42,862 Ask my cousin Luke how many black friends he has. 64 00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:44,130 The answer is zero. 65 00:02:44,197 --> 00:02:45,865 Ask him how many black friends I have. 66 00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:48,301 Spoiler alert -- one. Checkmate! 67 00:02:48,368 --> 00:02:50,069 Guess who's not a racist -- muh! 68 00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:51,437 Please tell my cousin Bo 69 00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:54,474 that his dark-skinned friend, Chevy, is Guatemalan, not black. 70 00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:56,376 Uh, tell my cousin Luke that I'm thinking 71 00:02:56,442 --> 00:02:58,578 of a different friend named T-Tyrone 72 00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:00,747 who lives in Chickasaw County, and Luke -- 73 00:03:00,813 --> 00:03:03,716 Luke's never even met him. So, who's not a racist now? 74 00:03:03,783 --> 00:03:06,286 -That is such bullshit. -You're such bullshit! 75 00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:08,821 ♪♪ 76 00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:11,257 Oh, look what you've done! 77 00:03:11,324 --> 00:03:14,394 I'm melting! Melting! 78 00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:16,629 I regret so many things. 79 00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,598 Most of all, banging that guy in the pile 80 00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:22,035 of discarded lunch meat outside of Quiznos. 81 00:03:22,101 --> 00:03:24,837 Oh, screw all of you. I don't need your judgment. 82 00:03:24,904 --> 00:03:26,204 I'm going! 83 00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:28,007 Going! 84 00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:32,011 The guy was kind of attractive in an ugly sort of way -- 85 00:03:32,078 --> 00:03:33,112 like a pug. 86 00:03:33,179 --> 00:03:34,581 Plus, I hadn't gotten any in a while. 87 00:03:34,647 --> 00:03:37,350 Why am I explaining myself to you idiots?! 88 00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:40,453 It was a mistake! I own that. 89 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,122 He also gave me Hep C. 90 00:03:43,189 --> 00:03:46,926 Look, if you run into a very ugly man outside the Oz Quiznos, 91 00:03:46,993 --> 00:03:49,262 who is almost surely 18 by now, 92 00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:52,832 please tell him he has Hep C! 93 00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:56,569 Dad, can I have a rocket-powered skateboard? 94 00:03:56,636 --> 00:03:58,371 What happened to your allowance, Richie? 95 00:03:58,438 --> 00:04:00,373 Oh, I spent it on a gold-plated shark. [ Gasps ] 96 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:02,342 Oh, that's the same look the shark gave me 97 00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:04,143 as it sank to the bottom of the bay. 98 00:04:04,210 --> 00:04:06,312 Gosh darn it! No more allowance 99 00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:08,648 until you learn how the real world works! 100 00:04:10,016 --> 00:04:12,418 Well, looks like we're in the same boat, brother... 101 00:04:12,485 --> 00:04:14,053 essentially. W-What's your story? 102 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,154 Lost my job at the solar-energy plant. 103 00:04:16,221 --> 00:04:17,356 Hmm. 104 00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,759 I was the owner of this solar-energy plant. 105 00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:21,394 My dream is dead. -What happened? 106 00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:24,297 The oil company lobbied Congress to shut us down. 107 00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:28,368 Um, Senator, why did you let Big Oil write legislation 108 00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:29,969 that shut down the solar-energy plant? 109 00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:31,237 Well, it's a travesty, 110 00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:33,673 but special-interest money owns half of Congress. 111 00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:36,509 But where does the special-interest money come from? 112 00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:39,879 $856,743... 113 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,849 $856,744... 114 00:04:42,915 --> 00:04:44,250 Ah, Richie. 115 00:04:44,317 --> 00:04:46,419 Did you learn a lesson about the real world? 116 00:04:46,486 --> 00:04:48,421 Yeah, I learned that special-interest money 117 00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:49,822 is destroying people's lives. 118 00:04:49,889 --> 00:04:51,924 [ Nervous laughing ] Oh, yeah, hmm, hmm... 119 00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:53,593 Well, until the special interests are stopped, 120 00:04:53,659 --> 00:04:56,029 America will continue to spiral down the toilet. 121 00:04:56,095 --> 00:04:57,730 Sorry, Dad. 122 00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,198 Pull that trigger 123 00:04:59,265 --> 00:05:01,901 and you'll never get that rocket-powered skateboard. 124 00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:08,841 -Wheeeee! -Way to go, kid! 125 00:05:08,908 --> 00:05:10,843 Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. 126 00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:14,814 I think I got another concussion, 127 00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:17,684 but Coach says I'm fine. 128 00:05:17,750 --> 00:05:19,252 [ Groans ] -Buy me a yacht. 129 00:05:19,318 --> 00:05:22,588 Mama, why's that beautiful woman with a monster? 130 00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:23,656 Well, Chip... 131 00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:25,825 ♪ The story's old as dirt ♪ 132 00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:27,860 ♪ Scholars all agree 133 00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:29,896 ♪ Moron athletes get 134 00:05:29,962 --> 00:05:32,265 ♪ The best pussy to pet 135 00:05:32,331 --> 00:05:34,467 ♪ Unequivocally 136 00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:36,069 Goddamn it, baby, I ain't gonna tell you again 137 00:05:36,135 --> 00:05:37,837 not to talk when you talking to me, damn it! 138 00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:39,939 And what's going on over there, Mama? 139 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,307 ♪♪ 140 00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:43,476 ♪ Certain as a douche 141 00:05:43,543 --> 00:05:45,411 ♪ Having a goatee 142 00:05:45,478 --> 00:05:47,714 ♪ Domestic violence fears 143 00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:49,782 ♪ Lead to black-eyed tears 144 00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,118 ♪ Brute and his cutie 145 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:55,054 Wah -- And where's the public outcry? 146 00:05:55,121 --> 00:05:56,122 Well... 147 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,157 ♪ Outrage can't score points ♪ 148 00:05:58,224 --> 00:06:00,126 ♪ Convicts can't play D ♪ 149 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,128 ♪ Our memories are short ♪ 150 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,464 ♪ Let's throw it out of court ♪ 151 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:06,432 ♪ Justice takes a knee 152 00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:08,201 Oh! -Hey, a free pot! 153 00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:09,869 Go long! -[ Screaming ] 154 00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:13,239 Mom! [ Mimics crying ] Ohh, my mom... 155 00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:15,575 You're a monster! 156 00:06:15,641 --> 00:06:18,444 -That's you. -Sir, this is a restaurant! 157 00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:20,179 Are you single? 158 00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,548 [ Cow bell ringing ] Oh, I say, what do you say 159 00:06:22,615 --> 00:06:26,319 you trade that cow for these magic beans? 160 00:06:26,385 --> 00:06:28,955 Oh, magic beans! Sold, dude. 161 00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:31,324 You mean to tell me you sold our only cow 162 00:06:31,390 --> 00:06:32,992 for a handful of beans?! 163 00:06:33,058 --> 00:06:34,861 Oh, son. Fetch my whipping belt. 164 00:06:34,927 --> 00:06:37,096 Well, surprise -- I'm already wearing it. 165 00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:39,599 And whip! -Ah-ow! Ah-ha-ha! Ah! 166 00:06:39,665 --> 00:06:41,100 Stupid beans. 167 00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:43,069 I wish I'd never met you. 168 00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:46,405 [ Rumbling ] 169 00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:48,808 Wow. I wonder what's up there. 170 00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:50,243 Eh. Who gives a shit. 171 00:06:50,308 --> 00:06:51,911 Hey, Monsanto, how much would you pay 172 00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:53,346 for an 8-mile-tall beanstalk? 173 00:06:53,412 --> 00:06:57,717 ♪♪ 174 00:06:57,784 --> 00:06:59,852 Thanks for the beans, suckah! 175 00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:02,789 Whoo-hoo-hoo! [ Tires squealing ] 176 00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:04,824 [ Coughing ] 177 00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:07,994 That punk doesn't realize this cow is magic! 178 00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:10,029 [ Cackling ] 179 00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,098 Sprout your magic cow wings 180 00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:14,233 and fly me to Bermuda! 181 00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:15,968 Yeah! 182 00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:21,674 Well, [sighs] looks like I've made a terrible mistake. 183 00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:27,046 I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle. 184 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,549 And your watch. And your glasses. 185 00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:31,484 That belt -- Where did you acquire it? 186 00:07:31,551 --> 00:07:32,718 J-J-JCPenney. 187 00:07:32,784 --> 00:07:34,220 JCPenney. Thank you. 188 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,088 And your sandwich. I need your sandwich. 189 00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:39,358 I need your clothes, your boots, the JCPenney belt is a pass, 190 00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:40,726 your motorcycle, your watch, 191 00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:42,628 your sunglasses, and your sandwich. 192 00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:48,167 You have a nice body. Do you workout? 193 00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:51,337 Pika...Ah... 194 00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:53,172 -Pikachu's down. -We're not finished yet. 195 00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:55,174 I've got one more trick up my sleeve. 196 00:07:55,241 --> 00:07:56,676 Are you ignoring me on purpose?! 197 00:07:56,742 --> 00:07:58,077 Pikachu is bleeding out! 198 00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,112 Glinda, Good Witch of the North, 199 00:08:00,179 --> 00:08:02,915 I choose you! -It's Glinda. 200 00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:05,351 All right, Glinda, munchkin mash! 201 00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:06,752 [ Giggles ] 202 00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:08,521 [ Munchkins exclaiming ] 203 00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:10,323 Now, go for the Yellow Brick Road. 204 00:08:10,389 --> 00:08:12,792 [ Singsong voice ] Yellow-brick tornado! 205 00:08:12,859 --> 00:08:14,861 Emerald wizard attack! 206 00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:16,863 Uh, stop conjuring me. 207 00:08:16,929 --> 00:08:19,966 I'm a very good man, but a poor Pokémon. 208 00:08:20,032 --> 00:08:21,434 ♪♪ 209 00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:22,468 [ Growls ] 210 00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:23,903 Finish him with the house of pain! 211 00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:25,271 It's Glinda-Glinda. 212 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,139 [ Air whistling ] 213 00:08:28,107 --> 00:08:29,575 Oh, thank you, Ash. 214 00:08:29,642 --> 00:08:31,777 Since Dorothy killed the Wicked Witch of the West, 215 00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:34,947 I've run out of bitches to scrap with. [ Giggles ] 216 00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:37,917 Wow. Do you have any other surprises in your balls? 217 00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:39,318 [ Chuckles ] Wink. 218 00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:41,419 By the way, Pikachu is...dead. 219 00:08:41,953 --> 00:08:45,391 David, our dress code clearly calls for a three-piece suit. 220 00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,927 Well, it's laundry day, so I tripled up on pants. 221 00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:49,228 Hope that's cool. 222 00:08:49,962 --> 00:08:52,632 Man: Squirrels have multiple uses for acorns. 223 00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:55,801 It is both food source and suppository. 224 00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,036 Go on, then. 225 00:08:57,103 --> 00:08:59,705 You said you'd do it for 100 squirrel dollars. 226 00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:02,241 Deal is a deal. 227 00:09:03,075 --> 00:09:05,544 Lieutenant Dan! You got new legs! 228 00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:07,613 Tiny Tim: And so did I! 229 00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:10,316 God bless us, every one! 230 00:09:10,783 --> 00:09:13,319 I love this new churro place, Sailor Scouts. 231 00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:16,722 [ Roaring ] 232 00:09:16,789 --> 00:09:18,157 [ Screaming ] 233 00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:20,459 Serena, turn into Sailor Moon. Right! 234 00:09:20,526 --> 00:09:22,361 And I'll turn into Sailor Mercury. 235 00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:23,763 I'll become Sailor Mars. 236 00:09:23,829 --> 00:09:26,699 -Sailor Jupiter. -Sailor Venus. 237 00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:29,702 And I'll turn into Sailor Earth. 238 00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:31,604 [ Gasps ] There's no Sailor Earth. 239 00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:34,040 Watch and learn, babe. Earth prism power go. 240 00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:36,809 [ Whimsical music plays ] 241 00:09:38,444 --> 00:09:39,645 [ Farts ] 242 00:09:39,712 --> 00:09:42,415 ♪♪ 243 00:09:42,481 --> 00:09:44,784 Wow. You look... out of breath. 244 00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:46,419 Just what are your powers? 245 00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:49,188 I possess the combined qualities of all Earth people. 246 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:50,523 So, you know, whatever they do. 247 00:09:50,589 --> 00:09:52,591 Earth power -- racism! 248 00:09:52,658 --> 00:09:55,628 Nice poncho, ese. How many pesos did it cost, 249 00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:58,130 or did you steal it off a dead burro, you fuck? 250 00:09:58,197 --> 00:09:59,398 [ All gasping ] 251 00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:01,667 You cannot say those things! 252 00:10:01,734 --> 00:10:03,602 Oh, racism doesn't exist anymore? 253 00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:05,404 Tell it to the 7 billion Earthlings. 254 00:10:05,471 --> 00:10:06,872 [ Dramatic chord plays ] 255 00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,507 Cool your tits. I got this. 256 00:10:08,574 --> 00:10:11,243 Chemically-enhanced decision-making activate... 257 00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:12,778 But you're so out of shape. 258 00:10:12,845 --> 00:10:14,347 Yeah, well, technically I'm obese, 259 00:10:14,413 --> 00:10:17,116 just like 30% of the Earth's population. 260 00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:20,019 Ow! Shit! Ow! Oh! 261 00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:23,923 Law of unintended consequences, or whatever... 262 00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:24,991 Monster: Wah! 263 00:10:25,057 --> 00:10:26,759 -[ Gasps ] -Wow, he did it! 264 00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:29,462 Oh, but the food court will be uninhabitable for weeks! 265 00:10:29,528 --> 00:10:31,163 I don't know, it's like that Earth expression -- 266 00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:32,398 "Only shit where you eat." 267 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,467 -That is not the expression. -Oh, yeah? 268 00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:35,701 Well, tell that to the Gulf 269 00:10:35,768 --> 00:10:37,737 after the next preventable oil spill. 270 00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:39,839 [ Whining ] Sailor Earth makes me feel guilty 271 00:10:39,905 --> 00:10:42,241 about being a human being. 272 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:45,344 I beat up the owner, so...this stuff's mine. 273 00:10:45,411 --> 00:10:47,646 That's called geopolitics. 274 00:10:47,713 --> 00:10:49,815 Hey, can I get in on some of that churro action? 275 00:10:49,882 --> 00:10:50,850 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 276 00:10:50,915 --> 00:10:52,184 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 277 00:10:52,251 --> 00:10:54,186 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 278 00:10:54,253 --> 00:10:55,354 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 279 00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:56,689 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 280 00:10:56,756 --> 00:10:58,524 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 281 00:10:58,591 --> 00:10:59,525 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 282 00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:00,860 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 283 00:11:00,926 --> 00:11:02,862 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 284 00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:05,097 Ba-gawk! Bawk.