1 00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:04,771 [ Whirring ] 2 00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:07,040 [ Theme music plays ] 3 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,444 [ Whirring ] 4 00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:18,084 ♪♪ 5 00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:19,719 Man: It's alive! 6 00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:27,761 ♪♪ 7 00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:28,895 [ Thunder rumbles ] 8 00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:38,104 ♪♪ 9 00:00:38,171 --> 00:00:40,373 It's hard to find a great-tasting breakfast 10 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,142 that won't raise my cholesterol. 11 00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:45,545 Did somebody ask for a tasty breakfast?! 12 00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:46,513 Wow! Ohh! 13 00:00:46,579 --> 00:00:48,948 Nothing beats the taste of oats and honey! 14 00:00:49,015 --> 00:00:50,083 It's gr-r-r-r-r-eat! 15 00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:51,017 What the fuck?! Aah! 16 00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:53,086 No! No! Oh, my God, no! 17 00:00:53,153 --> 00:00:55,221 This can't be happening! 18 00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:57,657 It'll be okay, bee. You'll be okay. 19 00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,859 Yeah, yeah. I'll be okay. 20 00:00:59,926 --> 00:01:01,060 I'll just... [ Groans ] 21 00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:04,596 [ Groans, screams ] [ Riiiiiiiiip! ] 22 00:01:04,664 --> 00:01:05,932 Whoa! Ohh! Ohh! 23 00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:06,866 Oh, man! 24 00:01:06,933 --> 00:01:09,102 It's so cold. 25 00:01:09,169 --> 00:01:12,505 Oh, my heart -- I can feel it slowing down. 26 00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:15,909 Oh. Oh, it stopped. I'm -- I'm so scared. 27 00:01:15,975 --> 00:01:17,410 [ Both crying ] 28 00:01:17,477 --> 00:01:18,912 Honey Nut Cheerios has oats 29 00:01:18,978 --> 00:01:20,480 that'll help lower cholesterol -- 30 00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:22,582 part of this nutritious breakfast. 31 00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:24,417 ♪♪ 32 00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:26,586 Mmm! Mmm! 33 00:01:26,652 --> 00:01:27,821 Ohh. Ohh. 34 00:01:27,887 --> 00:01:28,888 Sorry, babe. 35 00:01:28,955 --> 00:01:30,390 Damn. That is creepy. 36 00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:32,991 The way our neighbor's ex-wife spies on us every day? 37 00:01:33,059 --> 00:01:36,196 [ Gulping ] 38 00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:39,499 No. I mean, that -- that freakin' thing! 39 00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:40,967 [ British accent ] Don't mind me. 40 00:01:41,033 --> 00:01:42,001 [ Whistle toots ] Ah-la-la-la-la! 41 00:01:42,068 --> 00:01:43,636 Ha ha ha ha! 42 00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:46,739 Adam can't defeat Count Marzo, but He-Man can. 43 00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:51,344 And maybe He-Man can -- can do it himself this time? 44 00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:53,880 Oh, Cringer, always so afraid. 45 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,983 By the power of Grayskull! 46 00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:58,952 I never consented to this. 47 00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:01,154 I'm literally pissing myself! 48 00:02:01,221 --> 00:02:02,956 Is this what you wanted? Is it?! 49 00:02:03,022 --> 00:02:05,291 I have the power! 50 00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:07,026 And I have no power! 51 00:02:07,093 --> 00:02:08,961 What kind of hero forces his best friend 52 00:02:09,027 --> 00:02:11,030 into violent adventures without permission?! 53 00:02:11,097 --> 00:02:12,532 [ Splurt! ] Oh, great. 54 00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:15,301 Now I'm shitting myself in addition to the piss. 55 00:02:15,368 --> 00:02:18,238 Ha ha! [ Crying ] No! 56 00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:22,341 [ Sobs ] Oh, don't point that sword at me! No! 57 00:02:22,408 --> 00:02:25,078 [ Warble! Twinkle! Zap! ] 58 00:02:25,144 --> 00:02:26,145 Feeling better, Battle Cat? 59 00:02:26,212 --> 00:02:29,115 Yes, of course I do! I'm Battle Cat now! 60 00:02:29,182 --> 00:02:31,985 I'm standing in a pool of piss, shit, and vomit, 61 00:02:32,051 --> 00:02:33,920 but otherwise great. 62 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,256 ♪ On the Magic School Bus 63 00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:39,025 [ Children cheering ] 64 00:02:39,091 --> 00:02:40,426 Today we're going to be learning 65 00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:43,897 about the geology of mountains! 66 00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:46,599 Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! 67 00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,034 [ Children screaming ] 68 00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:49,903 Goin' down! 69 00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:51,037 Oh, my God! 70 00:02:51,103 --> 00:02:53,406 [ Screaming continues ] 71 00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:55,008 Aaaaaah! 72 00:02:55,074 --> 00:02:58,278 A mountain! Ohh! 73 00:02:58,344 --> 00:02:59,946 Stay calm, children. 74 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,916 This...is... a learning experience. 75 00:03:02,982 --> 00:03:06,085 I knew I should have stayed home today and cut myself. 76 00:03:06,152 --> 00:03:07,620 We're stuck in the mountains! 77 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:09,422 What are we gonna do, you dried-up hippie?! 78 00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:12,025 There's only one thing we can do -- 79 00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:12,859 cannibalism! 80 00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:14,460 There's only one thing we can do -- 81 00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:17,363 Whoever picks the shortest straw will get eaten. 82 00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:20,400 Eat this, you psycho! Don't be silly, Ralphie. 83 00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:22,735 Your penis wouldn't feed a fly. 84 00:03:22,802 --> 00:03:26,940 In fact, the buttocks are the most nutritious. 85 00:03:27,006 --> 00:03:29,442 Thanks for the tip. 86 00:03:32,312 --> 00:03:33,980 [ All munching ] 87 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,449 Miss Frizzle takes just like chicken! 88 00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:40,186 I just remembered -- we all brought food! 89 00:03:40,253 --> 00:03:44,123 Ew! Bologna?! 90 00:03:44,190 --> 00:03:47,360 Now, that's what I call eating ass. 91 00:03:47,427 --> 00:03:49,996 And that sucker was flying all over the place. 92 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,430 Now, stop me if you've heard this. 93 00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:52,599 I will, 'cause I've heard 94 00:03:52,665 --> 00:03:54,634 every one of your quidditch stories, Harry. 95 00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:56,869 It was zigging around. Oh, those things can move, man! 96 00:03:56,936 --> 00:03:59,238 And I was the best seeker ever to play the game. 97 00:03:59,305 --> 00:04:01,841 Bartender, Accio another round! 98 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,042 [ Whoosh! Splash! ] 99 00:04:03,109 --> 00:04:05,812 Jesus! That's enough butterbeer for one night, all right? 100 00:04:05,878 --> 00:04:08,548 Oh, my God, Ginny. I didn't realize you were here. 101 00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:11,784 Didn't realize I was having a beer with my wife, Ginny. 102 00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:13,052 Come on, Harry. 103 00:04:13,119 --> 00:04:16,122 I love your new snakeskin jacket, Ginny. 104 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,091 Agh! Hogwarts! 105 00:04:18,156 --> 00:04:19,659 Best years of my life, man. 106 00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:21,793 Now my freakin' kid's there, having all the fun, 107 00:04:21,861 --> 00:04:23,630 while I get stuck with the tuition bill. 108 00:04:23,696 --> 00:04:25,131 Do you know what, mate? I'm done. 109 00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:26,466 This conversation died 110 00:04:26,532 --> 00:04:28,668 at exactly 19 minutes past 9:00 tonight. 111 00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:30,103 Oh, you don't like talking to me? 112 00:04:30,169 --> 00:04:31,704 Well, good luck finding another wizard 113 00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:34,407 who can speak parseltongue. [ Hissing ] 114 00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:37,877 I can talk to other snakes, you fucking narcissist. 115 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,212 Me, too! 116 00:04:39,278 --> 00:04:40,580 I'm gonna go find the other snakes 117 00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:42,415 and tell them what a butthole you are. 118 00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:44,082 All the snakes gonna know 119 00:04:44,150 --> 00:04:45,385 you're the biggest butthole of all! 120 00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:47,286 Dude, you are in no condition to fly. 121 00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:50,023 Oh, is that you, Mum? Oh, no, it can't be my mum. 122 00:04:50,089 --> 00:04:51,924 My mum is dead! 123 00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:53,593 Heigh-ho, Firebolt! 124 00:04:53,659 --> 00:04:56,129 [ Crashing, thudding ] Aaaah! Ugh! Ugh! Aaah! 125 00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:58,698 Man: Iceberg, dead ahead! 126 00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:00,199 ♪♪ 127 00:05:00,266 --> 00:05:01,200 Hard astern! 128 00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:02,268 This is the end, lads. 129 00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:03,803 Save the women and children. 130 00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:05,571 Belay that order, captain. 131 00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:06,839 Who dares?! 132 00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:10,443 There's only one order that matters here -- ride or die! 133 00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:16,349 ♪♪ 134 00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:18,084 Jesus fucking Christ! 135 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,019 [ Squeak! Pop! Pop! ] 136 00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:22,755 Oh, it's all about family. 137 00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:25,191 ♪♪ 138 00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:27,960 Mr. Toretto, you've saved the Titanic. 139 00:05:28,027 --> 00:05:29,195 My work here is done. 140 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,302 Uh, no, thank you. 141 00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:37,503 Oh, being naughty is the best! [ Laughs ] 142 00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:41,074 We are the bad kids! 143 00:05:41,140 --> 00:05:42,775 ♪♪ 144 00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,177 Ew! Are you in costume, 145 00:05:44,243 --> 00:05:45,478 or do you really look like that? 146 00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:46,846 I have been sent to help 147 00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:49,849 especially rude and naughty children. 148 00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:54,120 I am Nanny McPhee. Now get down from there. 149 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,022 [ Twinkle! Pop! ] 150 00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,824 Nanny McPhee, your wart! 151 00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:01,728 The more you behave, the prettier I become. 152 00:06:01,794 --> 00:06:04,097 Is that right? 153 00:06:05,164 --> 00:06:07,867 ♪ Penis, vagina, penis, vagina ♪ 154 00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:11,170 ♪ Penis, vagina, penis in your vagina ♪ 155 00:06:11,237 --> 00:06:13,406 ♪ Penis, vagina, penis, vagina ♪ 156 00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:15,108 ♪ Penis 157 00:06:15,174 --> 00:06:16,743 Ooh. Perhaps we took it too far. 158 00:06:16,809 --> 00:06:20,079 No, ugly people are worthless. She said it herself. 159 00:06:20,146 --> 00:06:23,549 That would be a terrible message, say, in a movie. 160 00:06:24,984 --> 00:06:27,253 Doc, it hurts when I bend my arm like this. 161 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,155 Then don't bend your arm like that. 162 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,324 Oh, excellent diagnosis! Ha ha ha ha! 163 00:06:31,390 --> 00:06:34,093 ♪♪ 164 00:06:34,159 --> 00:06:37,096 Mr. President, they've reached the bin Laden compound. 165 00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:39,298 Send in SEAL Team 5. 166 00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:40,299 ♪♪ 167 00:06:40,366 --> 00:06:41,367 Oh, oh! Aah! 168 00:06:41,433 --> 00:06:42,668 ♪♪ 169 00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:44,971 Ohh! Hah! Ohh! Hah! 170 00:06:45,037 --> 00:06:46,439 What is happening? 171 00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:47,774 Ohh! Hah! Ohh! Hah! 172 00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:50,042 Ho! Ahhhh. Ho! Ahhhh. 173 00:06:53,479 --> 00:06:56,749 Okay. I have no idea what's going on right now. 174 00:06:56,816 --> 00:06:58,384 Hoo! Cha! Hoo! Cha! Hoo! Cha! Hoo! Cha! 175 00:06:58,451 --> 00:06:59,786 Someone remind me what they're doing. 176 00:06:59,852 --> 00:07:01,420 It's an act of faith made physical 177 00:07:01,487 --> 00:07:02,655 through the beauty of dance. 178 00:07:02,722 --> 00:07:04,991 Okay, fuck it. Initiate plan "B." 179 00:07:05,057 --> 00:07:07,193 [ Zoom! ] 180 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,861 I'm ready to make a comeback. 181 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:11,030 Great, Jem! Great! Very exciting. 182 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,499 And how many Instagram followers do you have? 183 00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:14,667 What's Instagram? 184 00:07:14,734 --> 00:07:16,769 Okay, get the hell out of my office. 185 00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:19,438 There are children here somewhere. 186 00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:21,207 I can smell them. 187 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,209 Come out, my kiddie-winkies. 188 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:26,045 Come out, come out for candy! 189 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,714 Hello! Little children! 190 00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:31,584 Is there a child in here somewhere? Hmm? 191 00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:33,386 Hello. I'm Chris Hansen. 192 00:07:33,452 --> 00:07:35,321 God damn it! Ugh! 193 00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:38,991 Okay, I've seen the show. I'll take a seat. 194 00:07:39,058 --> 00:07:42,562 It says here your given legal name is Child Catcher. 195 00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:45,331 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I don't have sex with children. 196 00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:47,667 I want to make that absolutely clear! 197 00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:51,304 I use them as slave labor in underground mines. 198 00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:53,506 That's no so bad, is it? 199 00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:56,275 Okay. You're free to go. 200 00:07:56,342 --> 00:07:57,409 Oh-ho-ho-ho! 201 00:07:57,476 --> 00:07:59,312 I know what this means. 202 00:07:59,378 --> 00:08:00,947 [ Laughs ] Oh, yes! 203 00:08:01,013 --> 00:08:02,915 Indeed, as soon as you exit the front door, 204 00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:04,483 you will be tackled and arrested. 205 00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:07,086 Oh, brother, what a show! 206 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,222 [ Laughing ] 207 00:08:09,288 --> 00:08:11,224 [ Laughing ] Yeah! Yeah! 208 00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:12,825 [ Bones crack ] Ohh! Ohh! Ugh! 209 00:08:12,892 --> 00:08:14,660 Ohh! Oww! 210 00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:17,496 [ Wham! ] Ugh! [ Whimpers ] 211 00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:18,831 We've searched far and wide 212 00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:21,701 to find the most eligible bachelor on earth. 213 00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:26,138 This season, 25 women will compete to win the hand of... 214 00:08:26,205 --> 00:08:27,406 James Bond. 215 00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:28,474 James Bond. 216 00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:32,144 To me, a beautiful woman is like a beautiful flower. 217 00:08:32,211 --> 00:08:35,548 I can't wait to fertilize it. 218 00:08:35,615 --> 00:08:37,549 He seems a little retro to me. 219 00:08:37,616 --> 00:08:39,051 I bet he smells like my dad. 220 00:08:39,118 --> 00:08:40,086 But that's cool. 221 00:08:40,152 --> 00:08:42,388 Guys who smell like my dad and take my car away 222 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,757 and fuck my mom are my weakness. 223 00:08:44,824 --> 00:08:45,892 Romaine: Yeah, a spray-tan date 224 00:08:45,958 --> 00:08:47,293 just sounded like the perfect way 225 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,828 for James and I to bond. 226 00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:49,662 [ Laughs ] 227 00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,797 I just made that up. I did, really. 228 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:54,165 [ Laughs ] Turn to camera and smile. 229 00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:57,036 I prefer to get my tans the old-fashioned way -- 230 00:08:57,103 --> 00:08:59,639 from the glowing cancer ball in the sky. 231 00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:03,075 But I must say, this shade looks fantastic on me. 232 00:09:03,142 --> 00:09:04,443 Romaine, come see! 233 00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:07,046 So sorry, Mr. Bond, but there was an accident, 234 00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:08,447 and Romaine's spray-tan 235 00:09:08,514 --> 00:09:09,715 went on a little too thick. 236 00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:12,418 Oh, that's so tragic... 237 00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:14,086 yet sexy. 238 00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:16,555 At the moment of death, her bowels released. 239 00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:19,492 Like I said, sexy. 240 00:09:19,558 --> 00:09:20,760 ♪♪ 241 00:09:20,826 --> 00:09:22,595 You're eating a bowl of red meat, 242 00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,964 and your chopsticks are lit cigars! 243 00:09:25,031 --> 00:09:25,932 It's an art. 244 00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:28,768 Ow! Shit! Burned my fucking face! 245 00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:30,636 I'm not crazy about the way you eat. 246 00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:33,172 Oh, well, I'm not crazy about the name Sienna Johnson. 247 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:36,175 My girls usually have more playful names. 248 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,344 How'd you feel if I called you 249 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,912 "Sienna Thingyoulike"? Please don't. 250 00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:43,149 How about "Wanda Handjob"? No, thank you. 251 00:09:43,215 --> 00:09:45,418 Platter O'Labia. 252 00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:48,554 Yeah! Point break, bitches! 253 00:09:48,621 --> 00:09:50,690 James and the contestants went on many dates 254 00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,525 and attended the boom guy's funeral. 255 00:09:52,591 --> 00:09:55,194 Now it's time for the rose ceremony. 256 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:58,597 Chris, beautiful women are like snowflakes -- 257 00:09:58,664 --> 00:10:00,933 completely interchangeable. 258 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,770 So I guess I'll give this rose to the babe with the hoots -- 259 00:10:04,837 --> 00:10:07,106 Bendover Von Assex. 260 00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:08,040 Yeah, it's Amy, 261 00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:09,508 and you already gave me a gift, James -- 262 00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:10,776 chlamydia. 263 00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:13,980 You gave her chlamydia? You gave me chlamydia! 264 00:10:14,046 --> 00:10:15,014 I got chlamydia! 265 00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:18,784 You gave her chlamydia? You gave me chlamydia! 266 00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:20,219 [ Crickets chirping ] 267 00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,421 It burns really bad, huh? 268 00:10:22,488 --> 00:10:23,456 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 269 00:10:23,522 --> 00:10:24,790 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 270 00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:26,792 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 271 00:10:26,859 --> 00:10:28,160 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 272 00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:29,495 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 273 00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:31,330 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 274 00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:32,331 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 275 00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:33,332 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 276 00:10:35,534 --> 00:10:37,870 Ba-gawk! Bawk.