1
00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:06,539
[ Whirring ]

2
00:00:06,606 --> 00:00:08,875
[ Whirring ]

3
00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:10,844
[ Beeping ]

4
00:00:15,148 --> 00:00:17,217
[ Theme music plays ]

5
00:00:17,283 --> 00:00:19,419
[ Thunder rumbling ]

6
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,622
[ Whirring ]

7
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:25,291
♪♪

8
00:00:30,497 --> 00:00:31,865
Man: It's alive!

9
00:00:31,931 --> 00:00:35,135
♪♪

10
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:41,040
[ Thunder rumbles ]

11
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:45,412
♪♪

12
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:51,584
[ All squeaking ]

13
00:00:51,651 --> 00:00:53,753
Okay, quickly now!
No hesitations!

14
00:00:53,820 --> 00:00:57,390
One, two, three!

15
00:00:57,457 --> 00:01:00,093
No!

16
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:02,228
The senseless
slaughter must end.

17
00:01:02,295 --> 00:01:05,230
Each day, we put the lives
of our children at risk.

18
00:01:05,298 --> 00:01:07,834
Each day, we lose
more and more --

19
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,236
We could just take
the long way around.

20
00:01:10,303 --> 00:01:12,172
Spencer, would you
shut the fuck up?

21
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:13,840
Yeah, shut up,
Spencer!

22
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,109
Now, today,
we take back our lives!

23
00:01:16,176 --> 00:01:19,712
Hold! Hold!

24
00:01:19,779 --> 00:01:21,881
Now!

25
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:25,618
For our fallen comrades
and our children!

26
00:01:25,685 --> 00:01:28,288
It does not move
another inch!

27
00:01:28,354 --> 00:01:30,056
Do not let go!

28
00:01:30,123 --> 00:01:31,758
Oh, come on,
why won't this open?!

29
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:35,829
[ Screaming ]

30
00:01:35,895 --> 00:01:38,064
Welcome to
the Johto Gym, Ash.

31
00:01:38,131 --> 00:01:40,233
Let's see if you got
what it takes.

32
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,036
Pikachu, I choose you!

33
00:01:43,102 --> 00:01:44,604
Pika, pika!

34
00:01:44,670 --> 00:01:49,709
Henry Kissinger,
I choose you!

35
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,845
We should take advantage
of the Sino-Soviet split

36
00:01:51,911 --> 00:01:53,346
and open relations with China.

37
00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:55,548
That's...
Uh, wai-- what?

38
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:58,451
Uh, uh, Pikachu,
thunderbolt attack!

39
00:01:58,518 --> 00:02:01,421
Pika-chu!

40
00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:02,522
Oh!

41
00:02:02,589 --> 00:02:05,592
Henry Kissinger,
war crime attack!

42
00:02:05,658 --> 00:02:09,027
We should bomb Cambodia and Laos
without telling Congress!

43
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,699
-Pika! Pika!
-[ Screams ]

44
00:02:12,765 --> 00:02:13,700
Ha-ha!

45
00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:16,736
W-what just happened?

46
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,239
Did I just learn something?

47
00:02:20,573 --> 00:02:23,409
Hey, I'm here
for the sex party.

48
00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:24,611
Um...

49
00:02:24,677 --> 00:02:27,113
I've got an everlasting
gobstopper for you.

50
00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:29,849
It changes color --
mostly between red and purple.

51
00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:30,617
Uh, no, thanks.

52
00:02:30,683 --> 00:02:31,551
Well, maybe this

53
00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:33,820
will change your mind.

54
00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:35,121
Oh, now we're talking.

55
00:02:35,188 --> 00:02:37,390
[ Moaning passionately ]

56
00:02:37,457 --> 00:02:42,762
Oh! Snozzberriiiiiiiiies!

57
00:02:43,829 --> 00:02:44,998
[ Grunting ]

58
00:02:45,064 --> 00:02:49,469
I want people to stop
asking me if I skip leg day!

59
00:02:49,536 --> 00:02:51,671
[ Grunting ]

60
00:02:52,872 --> 00:02:55,041
I love being a spy!

61
00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:58,378
Harriet, you promised
you'd stop spying on people!

62
00:02:58,444 --> 00:03:00,713
Oh, Sport,
you're my best friend,

63
00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:02,348
but you're such
a chapped butthole.

64
00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:04,751
Spying is fun as hell!

65
00:03:04,817 --> 00:03:06,686
♪♪

66
00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:12,125
[ Yawning ]
Spying is hard as hell.

67
00:03:12,191 --> 00:03:15,628
Oh, nobody planning
another 9/11, Welsch?

68
00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:17,130
Bummer for you. Come on.

69
00:03:17,196 --> 00:03:18,998
Let me show you
something fun.

70
00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:20,767
Give me a name --
any name.

71
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:23,269
My best friend, Sport, from
grade school -- Simon Rock.

72
00:03:23,336 --> 00:03:26,573
Another day,
another sob and dump.

73
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:30,310
[ Sobbing ]

74
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:32,011
Oh, poor Sport.

75
00:03:32,078 --> 00:03:33,913
Why would he post this
online?

76
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:35,315
Post it?
Nope.

77
00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:38,216
I tapped into
his laptop camera.

78
00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:39,285
Is this legal?

79
00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:41,721
Aww, you're so cute.

80
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:44,057
I've got to get proof
that the U.S. government

81
00:03:44,123 --> 00:03:46,326
is illegally spying
on its own people.

82
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:48,928
And, if I have time,
the proof that Taylor Swift

83
00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:50,863
swallowed a live,
human baby.

84
00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:53,900
♪♪

85
00:03:53,966 --> 00:03:55,368
Now for the moment
of truth.

86
00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:58,871
Evening, Harriet. Not trying to
smuggle out any data, are you?

87
00:03:58,938 --> 00:04:02,375
[ Chuckles ]
[ Chuckles ]
Noper, doper.

88
00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:04,143
Hey, ever played
with one of these?

89
00:04:04,210 --> 00:04:05,878
[ Chuckles ] Yeah!
I had one as a kid.

90
00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:08,314
It drove me fucking insane!

91
00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:09,582
♪♪

92
00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:11,618
What the hell?!
Secrets!

93
00:04:11,684 --> 00:04:13,419
[ Whistle blows ]

94
00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:15,655
Hey, you ever played
"Minions Monopoly"?

95
00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:17,356
"Monopoly" with Minions?

96
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:18,658
Yes, please!

97
00:04:18,725 --> 00:04:20,093
♪♪

98
00:04:20,159 --> 00:04:22,662
Harriet Welsch, thank you
for joining us today,

99
00:04:22,729 --> 00:04:26,532
live from your exile in Moscow.
How are things there?

100
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:28,801
Well, I have been
a little...

101
00:04:28,868 --> 00:04:31,270
"snowed in."
[ Snowden ]

102
00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:33,039
That was weird.
Now, you've committed

103
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,475
the largest data theft
in U.S. history.

104
00:04:35,541 --> 00:04:36,843
Was it all worth it?

105
00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:39,312
I believe all citizens
have a right to privacy.

106
00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:42,048
Well, what about charges that
WikiLeaks is a Russian front,

107
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,017
led by an alleged
sex criminal?

108
00:04:44,082 --> 00:04:47,587
Hey. Just because the Russkis
gave me this baller apartment,

109
00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:48,955
doesn't mean I was tricked in
to undermining

110
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,590
American democracy or anything.

111
00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:52,091
[ Chuckles ]

112
00:04:52,158 --> 00:04:53,459
That's crazy.

113
00:04:53,526 --> 00:04:56,629
[ Speaking Russian ]

114
00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:59,032
Thank you,
Harriet the Spy.

115
00:04:59,098 --> 00:05:00,366
[ Applause ]

116
00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:01,567
[ Sighs ]

117
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:05,338
Well, it's time for
my daily "sob and dump".

118
00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:06,139
[ Door closes ]

119
00:05:06,205 --> 00:05:09,008
[ Sobbing ]

120
00:05:09,075 --> 00:05:12,245
Uh, Harriet,
your webcam is still --

121
00:05:12,311 --> 00:05:14,981
The webcam is still --
Harriet?

122
00:05:16,215 --> 00:05:18,151
Hey, happy Monday, right?
[ Chuckles ]

123
00:05:18,217 --> 00:05:19,285
How was your weekend?

124
00:05:19,352 --> 00:05:21,354
Ugh, I'm calling H.R.

125
00:05:21,421 --> 00:05:24,991
Okay, up next,
we have Stacy.

126
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,394
What are you going
to do for us today?

127
00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:31,597
Well, I'm a sky dancer,
so I'll be sky dancing.

128
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,704
Oh, my God!
I don't want to die!

129
00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:39,105
Aah!

130
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,741
I mean, talk about
"jungle fever".

131
00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:45,178
Every time I jerk off,
it's an interracial love scene.

132
00:05:45,244 --> 00:05:46,145
Oh!

133
00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:47,346
[ Audience groans ]

134
00:05:48,748 --> 00:05:49,782
What'll it be?

135
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:51,683
Brains!

136
00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:54,020
I'm sorry,
we're out of brains.

137
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:59,459
[ Sadly ]
Mac and cheese.

138
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:03,563
Atreyu, down there is the first
gate you must pass through.

139
00:06:03,629 --> 00:06:05,865
Most people
do not make it.

140
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:08,401
Because they don't feel
their own self-worth?

141
00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:10,670
No. Because
they can't stop staring

142
00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:14,474
at the sphinxes
awesome boobies!

143
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:16,275
I don't understand.

144
00:06:16,342 --> 00:06:18,811
Can't they just take a quick
look and then keep walking?

145
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:21,614
Are you even seeing
how perfect they are?

146
00:06:21,681 --> 00:06:22,949
Round and smooth,

147
00:06:23,015 --> 00:06:25,485
huge, yet,
impossibly firm.

148
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:27,520
It's my turn now.
Let me see!

149
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:30,423
But I'm still looking.
Why is this telescope sticky?

150
00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:32,892
It's from
t-t-the price tag!

151
00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:34,494
Now get going!

152
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,329
And don't die
until I finish.

153
00:06:36,395 --> 00:06:37,630
Uh, finish what?

154
00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:39,565
Just go, damn it!

155
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,870
Aah!

156
00:06:43,936 --> 00:06:46,339
I'm coming to see you, Margaret!

157
00:06:46,405 --> 00:06:48,808
What? Oh, hell.

158
00:06:49,207 --> 00:06:52,311
[ Laughs ]
That tickles!

159
00:06:52,378 --> 00:06:53,746
[ Laughs ]

160
00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:55,882
Now lick my nipples!

161
00:06:55,948 --> 00:06:57,016
-What?
-What?

162
00:06:59,952 --> 00:07:01,154
[ Gasps ]

163
00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:02,855
[ Strained ] Only you...

164
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:05,758
can prevent climate change!

165
00:07:05,825 --> 00:07:06,959
Guh.

166
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:08,394
[ Moaning ]

167
00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:09,962
Oh, we're Trolls. Mmm.
Our hair's intertwined.

168
00:07:10,029 --> 00:07:12,431
[ Moaning ]

169
00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:14,100
Hey, can I ask you
to do something?

170
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:15,301
Oh, of course.

171
00:07:17,136 --> 00:07:18,137
Put it in me.

172
00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:20,506
[ Groaning ]

173
00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:21,174
[ Ting! ]

174
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,041
[ Groans ]

175
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,810
♪ No, no, no, no, no, no

176
00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:26,579
Boys, have I got
news for --

177
00:07:26,646 --> 00:07:28,381
Alvin!
Put some clothes on!

178
00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:30,683
Technically, Dave,
fur is our clothes.

179
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:33,119
And it's not a shirt.
It's a fucking nightgown!

180
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:34,687
Oh, shut up, boys!

181
00:07:34,754 --> 00:07:36,355
I just booked you
for this year's Coachella.

182
00:07:36,422 --> 00:07:37,056
[ All cheering ]

183
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,658
Are we on the main stage?

184
00:07:38,724 --> 00:07:39,325
Uh, no.

185
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:41,460
Ooh, the Gobi Tent?

186
00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:42,662
-Eh, no.
-Mojave Tent?

187
00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:43,663
No, boys.

188
00:07:43,729 --> 00:07:45,364
The "butthole packed
with sand" tent?

189
00:07:45,431 --> 00:07:46,666
Alvin!
That's not a real tent!

190
00:07:46,732 --> 00:07:47,700
[ Laughter ]

191
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:50,002
♪♪

192
00:07:50,069 --> 00:07:52,738
[ Insects buzzing,
bird cries ]

193
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,373
Guess the joke's on me.

194
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:55,675
This is an outrage!

195
00:07:55,741 --> 00:07:57,944
I'm going to complain
to the promoter right now!

196
00:07:58,010 --> 00:07:59,512
Okay, I'm off
on poon patrol.

197
00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:01,948
"10-4, good buddy.
I got an APB on poon,

198
00:08:02,014 --> 00:08:03,649
preferably
a trust-fund baby

199
00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:05,751
with an appropriated
Native American headdress,

200
00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:07,053
over". Krrrk!

201
00:08:07,119 --> 00:08:08,187
No, damn it!

202
00:08:08,254 --> 00:08:10,756
The band's supposed
to be onstage right now!

203
00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:12,758
Gorillaz -- with a "Z"!

204
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:14,694
Wait. Then who's
onstage right now?

205
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:16,362
Gorillas, with an "S"!

206
00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:19,198
[ Gorillas grunting ]

207
00:08:19,265 --> 00:08:20,066
[ People cheering ]

208
00:08:20,132 --> 00:08:22,134
And their rider
was bananas!

209
00:08:22,201 --> 00:08:23,536
Well, they are gorillas.

210
00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:25,972
[ Laughs ]

211
00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:28,608
Stick with my "B" story
for more laughs

212
00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:29,542
just like that one.

213
00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:31,210
Oh, chipmunks.

214
00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:35,548
Wow, I can't believe I'm
making out with Selena Gomez!

215
00:08:35,615 --> 00:08:38,584
Wow, I can't believe
I'm making out with Alvin!

216
00:08:38,650 --> 00:08:39,952
I'm not Alvin.

217
00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:41,621
You know I'm not Selena Gomez,
the singer, right?

218
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:43,823
I might have racial
face blindness.

219
00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:47,793
I always feel
so creatively stifled.

220
00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:51,297
Do you have any advice on how to
be "the cute one" in the band?

221
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,699
Buddy, I've got
bad news for you.

222
00:08:53,766 --> 00:08:56,335
You're the biggest
Ringo I've ever seen!

223
00:08:56,402 --> 00:08:58,804
Paul is supposed to be dead!
Again!

224
00:08:58,871 --> 00:08:59,705
[ Groaning ]

225
00:09:00,773 --> 00:09:03,276
Excuse me, have you seen
three giant chipmunks

226
00:09:03,342 --> 00:09:05,044
wearing nightgowns...
"Thom"?

227
00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:06,345
It's pronounced "Tom".

228
00:09:06,412 --> 00:09:07,747
-"Yorkie".
-Yorke.

229
00:09:07,813 --> 00:09:09,115
Listen,
are you okay, man?

230
00:09:09,181 --> 00:09:10,549
Either I'm on LSD,

231
00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:12,518
or those Dippin' Dots
were seriously expired.

232
00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:15,187
Two things can be true
at once.

233
00:09:15,254 --> 00:09:18,157
♪♪

234
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:20,793
This sucks!
Nobody's paying attention!

235
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:25,665
Don't worry, fellas.
I have an ace up my sleeve!

236
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:27,867
Holograms are so in
right now.

237
00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:30,002
Ladies and gentlemen,
presenting the newest member

238
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:32,672
of "The Chipmunks",
here's Beat-munk!

239
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:34,840
Yeah, Beat-munk,
here to bop, bop, bop!

240
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,943
[ People cheering ]
Bop that! Bop that!

241
00:09:37,009 --> 00:09:39,211
[ Indistinct chatter ]

242
00:09:39,278 --> 00:09:40,379
Yeah!

243
00:09:40,446 --> 00:09:42,081
Boys, you might have
played the smallest tent,

244
00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:44,183
but you're social media
is blowing up!

245
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:44,884
You're a hit!

246
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:45,851
And Beat-munk

247
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:49,188
even got signed to --
T-Tidal?

248
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:50,122
[ Paper thuds ]

249
00:09:50,189 --> 00:09:51,557
And most importantly,

250
00:09:51,624 --> 00:09:55,227
I tore through a metric ton
of freaky music festival trim.

251
00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:58,631
[ Sighs ] Alvin, I'm afraid
I have some bad news.

252
00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:01,901
You have gonorrhea of the ear,
nose, and throat.

253
00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:03,035
Alvin!

254
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,337
Ugh, you know what?

255
00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:05,871
This festival has taught me
a great lesson

256
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:07,006
about loosening up.

257
00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:09,275
From now on, just call me
"Good Time Dave."

258
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:10,676
Okay, "Good Time Dave",

259
00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:13,512
gonorrhea is fatal
in chipmunks.

260
00:10:13,579 --> 00:10:15,982
Too bad it wasn't fatal
in "Monkees".

261
00:10:16,048 --> 00:10:18,150
[ Clicks tongue ]
Ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-kow!

262
00:10:18,217 --> 00:10:19,819
[ Chuckles ]
Do you get it?

263
00:10:19,885 --> 00:10:21,954
They were a rival band
of ours.

264
00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:22,922
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

265
00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:24,156
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

266
00:10:24,223 --> 00:10:26,192
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

267
00:10:26,258 --> 00:10:27,226
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

268
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,461
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

269
00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:30,396
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

270
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,397
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

271
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,631
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

272
00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:34,867
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

273
00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:37,069
Ba-gawk! Bawk.