1 00:00:03,336 --> 00:00:04,938 [ Whirring ] 2 00:00:05,004 --> 00:00:07,006 [ Theme music plays ] 3 00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:11,411 [ Whirring ] 4 00:00:11,478 --> 00:00:18,251 ♪♪ 5 00:00:18,318 --> 00:00:19,686 Man: It's alive! 6 00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:27,727 ♪♪ 7 00:00:27,794 --> 00:00:28,862 [ Thunder rumbles ] 8 00:00:28,928 --> 00:00:38,271 ♪♪ 9 00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:42,809 Narrator: Now back to Davenport, the Drama Llama. 10 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:46,780 The tempter or the tempted, who sins most? 11 00:00:46,846 --> 00:00:49,816 Tis not she -- nor doth she tempt -- 12 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,352 but it is I that... 13 00:00:52,419 --> 00:00:55,088 lying by the virtue of the... 14 00:00:55,155 --> 00:00:58,658 sun does as the carrion and... 15 00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,927 not as the flower, corrupt with virtuous... 16 00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,533 ...beauty. 17 00:01:06,599 --> 00:01:08,134 [ Cheers and applause ] 18 00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,203 Thanks for inviting me, Penelope. 19 00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:12,005 Oh, I'm sorry -- Peppa-Mint. 20 00:01:12,071 --> 00:01:13,506 So what's Chef Club about? 21 00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:15,809 -Chef Club is about friendship! -Cool! 22 00:01:15,875 --> 00:01:17,143 All: And owning stuff! 23 00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:19,712 Like my new Sparkle Clean dishwasher. 24 00:01:19,779 --> 00:01:21,614 [ Laughing heartily ] Hey, gals! 25 00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:24,083 Why don't you slide those dirty plates in me, 26 00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:25,418 like you're supposed to? 27 00:01:25,485 --> 00:01:27,587 I always let my husband do the dishes. 28 00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:28,588 [ All gasp ] 29 00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:30,356 She didn't mean it, Baby! 30 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,559 Hey, do you guys want to take a walk 31 00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:33,827 or something, like, outside? 32 00:01:33,893 --> 00:01:34,894 You haven't even tried out 33 00:01:34,961 --> 00:01:36,162 my super rare Moonlight Dazzle Mop. 34 00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:39,265 [ Laughing heartily ] Drag my face on the floor! 35 00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:41,334 Holy shit! Okay, does he feel pain? 36 00:01:41,401 --> 00:01:42,836 -Who cares? -Yea-- 37 00:01:42,902 --> 00:01:43,770 [ Gargling ] 38 00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,839 Yeah, I think I might take off. 39 00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:48,140 Aw, come on, Sara. Sit on my face some more. 40 00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:49,943 Oh, my God! The chair talks, too? 41 00:01:50,009 --> 00:01:52,345 Mm-hmm. Just like the locks on the doors, 42 00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:54,781 and the bars in the windows, so we never, 43 00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:57,183 ever, ever have to leave our stuff again! 44 00:01:57,250 --> 00:02:00,053 [ All chanting "Stuff!" ] 45 00:02:03,756 --> 00:02:04,858 Hello? Jeff? 46 00:02:04,924 --> 00:02:06,960 I need you to come pick me up, right now. 47 00:02:07,026 --> 00:02:09,095 I'm your husband now, Sara. 48 00:02:09,162 --> 00:02:10,497 Euuaaaggghhh! -Aah! Aah! 49 00:02:10,562 --> 00:02:13,700 [ All chanting "Stuff!" ] 50 00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:14,934 Aaaahh! 51 00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:17,303 Ready for our first patient, Doc? 52 00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:18,271 Achoo! 53 00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:20,773 I'd say he has a cold, Mom. 54 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:23,376 You're right, Doc. What do you recommend? 55 00:02:23,443 --> 00:02:25,778 Plenty of rest and some chicken soup. 56 00:02:25,845 --> 00:02:27,247 And he'll be good as -- 57 00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:29,282 My baby! She got hit by a car! 58 00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:31,784 Pupils fixed and dilated. Possible subdural hematoma. 59 00:02:31,851 --> 00:02:33,887 We need to intubate. Wind pipe is crushed. 60 00:02:33,953 --> 00:02:35,088 Trach her! -[ Gasps ] 61 00:02:35,154 --> 00:02:36,756 Her heart stopped! I'm going in! 62 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,358 Maybe she just needs a pick-me-up song! 63 00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:39,726 Rib spreader! 64 00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:41,494 ♪ A doctor's office is a real nice place! ♪ 65 00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:42,662 [ Grunting ] 66 00:02:42,728 --> 00:02:44,864 ♪ A lollipop puts a smile on your face ♪ 67 00:02:44,930 --> 00:02:46,432 [ Exhales sharply ] 68 00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:48,134 Come on, breathe, damn it, breathe! 69 00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:49,202 [ Retches ] 70 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:52,138 [ Coughing ] 71 00:02:52,204 --> 00:02:53,039 Phew! 72 00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:55,208 All in a day's work, right, kiddo? 73 00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:57,310 I want to be an accountant. 74 00:02:57,377 --> 00:02:59,012 I can be anything I want! 75 00:02:59,078 --> 00:03:02,382 After all, we animals overcame our baser instincts 76 00:03:02,448 --> 00:03:05,752 and now we're thinking, caring, talking creatures. 77 00:03:05,818 --> 00:03:08,488 Wahhhhhh! My insides are outside! 78 00:03:08,555 --> 00:03:11,724 [ Whimpers ] What kind of world is this?! 79 00:03:11,791 --> 00:03:14,761 Eughh, bugs! Gross! 80 00:03:16,563 --> 00:03:18,064 [ Chuckling ] Whoops! 81 00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:20,567 Almost forgot my life preserver. 82 00:03:20,633 --> 00:03:23,202 Oh, Jesus, I just need to see this. 83 00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:26,306 Oswald, you know you're an octopus, right? 84 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:28,541 You literally cannot drown. 85 00:03:28,608 --> 00:03:29,876 Safety first! 86 00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:30,977 Oh fuck me. 87 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,612 [ Grunts ] -Oohh! 88 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,520 Huh. 89 00:03:40,587 --> 00:03:42,855 Um...Huh. 90 00:03:42,922 --> 00:03:45,525 [ Heavy metal music playing ] 91 00:03:45,591 --> 00:03:47,327 ♪ Road Hawgs, Road Hawgs 92 00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:48,461 ♪ What, what 93 00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:50,763 ♪ Mutant teen pig-people hogs are ♪ 94 00:03:50,829 --> 00:03:52,932 ♪ Road Hawgs, Road Hawgs 95 00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:55,802 ♪ Road Haaaaaawgs! 96 00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:58,237 ♪ Manpig, Pigman, Flank, and Steve ♪ 97 00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:00,273 ♪ They're pigs on wheels that honk and squeal ♪ 98 00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:01,374 ♪ Road Hawgs 99 00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:03,276 ♪ Used to be human, no one fightin' ♪ 100 00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:06,379 ♪ But their dad accidentally turned them into swines ♪ 101 00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:08,314 ♪ Road Hawgs, Road Hawgs 102 00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:10,683 ♪ Swallow porcine DNA 103 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:12,852 ♪ Road Hawgs, Road Hawgs 104 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:15,588 ♪ Now they're mutated in a terrible way ♪ 105 00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:20,893 ♪ Road Hawgs 106 00:04:20,959 --> 00:04:23,062 If we're ever gonna find an antidote, 107 00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:25,264 we'll need to stop Dr. Bovine from... 108 00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:26,866 Hey, where's Flank? 109 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,835 Saw him out back earlier. 110 00:04:28,901 --> 00:04:30,970 Steve, have you seen Flank? 111 00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:33,206 Uhh... 112 00:04:33,272 --> 00:04:36,042 [ Dramatic music plays ] 113 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,210 No. 114 00:04:37,276 --> 00:04:38,044 Steve?! 115 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,545 Guys, uh, look... 116 00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:43,516 [ Laughing ] I just -- I love bacon soooo much! 117 00:04:43,582 --> 00:04:44,884 It's so good! 118 00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:48,221 Us too, buddy. Us too. 119 00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:50,289 Then I guess... 120 00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:53,726 Let's eat, man! -Trickin' awesome! 121 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:56,162 ♪ Road Hawgs! 122 00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:57,897 Brought to you by the makers of "Cheese League." 123 00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:01,668 Narrator: And now, Taking A Guess At Shows We Don't Watch. 124 00:05:01,734 --> 00:05:05,238 Nacho cheese! Nacho cheese! 125 00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:09,075 In...Seattle? 126 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:16,315 ♪♪ 127 00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:18,451 Cheese... 128 00:05:18,518 --> 00:05:19,919 Seattle... 129 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,020 in...? 130 00:05:22,522 --> 00:05:24,557 Oh, my God. The time! 131 00:05:24,624 --> 00:05:25,658 [ Gulping ] 132 00:05:25,725 --> 00:05:27,393 Ahh! Shake it off! 133 00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:28,628 Fucking keys! Ruhh! 134 00:05:28,695 --> 00:05:29,629 [ Glass shatters ] 135 00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:30,730 [ Tires screech ] 136 00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:32,432 Oh, my God! I'm so sorry. 137 00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:34,332 Smells like beer. 138 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,602 Buddy, I just forgot. 139 00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:40,339 [ Sighs ] You always forget. 140 00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:43,976 Son... 141 00:05:44,043 --> 00:05:46,446 Daddy's going through a tough time, but... 142 00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:47,480 I love you more than life -- 143 00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:48,614 Look out! 144 00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:50,917 [ Screams, tires screeching ] 145 00:05:50,983 --> 00:05:53,019 Please, God! Someone help me! 146 00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:55,154 My son needs a doctor! Please! 147 00:05:55,221 --> 00:05:56,522 I can help! 148 00:05:56,589 --> 00:05:58,457 You can? Are you a doctor?! 149 00:05:58,524 --> 00:05:59,859 Yes, my friend. 150 00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:03,730 My name is Dr. Sunjayvandanacandanapecarpecar. 151 00:06:03,796 --> 00:06:05,765 Huh?! 152 00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:07,166 Welcome to Westworld, 153 00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:10,103 where you can you live out your every fantasy. 154 00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:11,771 This better be good, Ford. 155 00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:14,774 I present to you our very first host, 156 00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:16,642 Dolores, generation one. 157 00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:20,813 She's...so...lifelike! 158 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,483 No, no, no. Not "she." It. 159 00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:25,918 We must never forget that the hosts are not real. 160 00:06:25,985 --> 00:06:27,920 I mean, I'll try, but...wow. 161 00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:29,789 [ Clears throa ] Dolores, take one. 162 00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:31,457 [ Clears throat ] Howdy, y'all! 163 00:06:31,524 --> 00:06:35,094 Can they, you know, uhhhh, have...sex? 164 00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:37,163 Why don't you ask it? 165 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,999 Hello, Dolores? You look lovely. 166 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:42,735 May we have sexual intercourse? 167 00:06:42,802 --> 00:06:44,137 [ Take recorder rewinding ] 168 00:06:44,203 --> 00:06:45,638 Yes -- to the thing you said! 169 00:06:45,705 --> 00:06:47,406 Whoo! Ow! All right! Don't wait up! 170 00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:48,641 [ Door opens, slams shut ] 171 00:06:48,707 --> 00:06:51,110 Imagine a whole world of these hosts. 172 00:06:51,177 --> 00:06:53,279 -[ Grunting ] -Catering to your every -- 173 00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:55,348 -[ Moaning, air hissing ] -I broke it. 174 00:06:55,414 --> 00:06:57,517 Also, the tape recorder gave me a gash on my forehead. 175 00:06:57,582 --> 00:06:59,185 [ Tape recorder rewinding ] 176 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,820 [ Mumbling nonsensicall ] 177 00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:01,921 [ Tape recorder rewinds ] 178 00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:03,089 [ Mumbling nonsensicall ] 179 00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:06,058 Huh. That's a boner killer. 180 00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:07,393 Wow, I can't believe 181 00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:09,662 I'm finally getting Lasik surgery! 182 00:07:09,729 --> 00:07:13,032 Wow, I can't believe they sold a laser to a rabbit! 183 00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:22,475 Hi, we're the American Pickers, cruising the country 184 00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:24,010 and learning about history 185 00:07:24,076 --> 00:07:26,546 while digging through other people's junk. 186 00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:28,848 Mind if we come in and have a look around? 187 00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:31,484 [ Mumbling ] 188 00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:36,722 Whoa, Frankie, do you see that? 189 00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:39,659 Yeah, Mike. I do. 190 00:07:39,725 --> 00:07:43,029 1917 Goldstein Brothers cast-iron stove. 191 00:07:43,095 --> 00:07:47,099 In the stove-picking game, this is the holy grail. 192 00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:50,670 So what would you need for the stove? $500? 193 00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:51,737 [ Chain saw buzzing ] 194 00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:53,206 Wow! 195 00:07:53,272 --> 00:07:56,709 As usual, Frankie comes out the gate with a low-ball offer 196 00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:58,644 and nearly blows the whole pick. 197 00:07:58,711 --> 00:08:00,980 What about these meat hooks? 198 00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:03,416 Would you take...$100 apiece? 199 00:08:03,482 --> 00:08:05,318 [ Mumbling agreeably ] 200 00:08:05,384 --> 00:08:06,686 I'm a meat-hook guy. 201 00:08:06,752 --> 00:08:09,956 Meat hooks are big sellers in our Nashville store. 202 00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:12,458 I got Leatherface to come down on the stove, 203 00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:15,695 and even though it cost me an arm, it didn't cost me a leg. 204 00:08:15,761 --> 00:08:17,997 That's what I call a good pick! 205 00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:32,645 Woman: What happens when four best friends 206 00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:35,948 write each other letters about how they really feel? 207 00:08:38,116 --> 00:08:40,653 The letters have been delivered. 208 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:43,422 "We're best friends, and I love you." 209 00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:44,524 Aw! 210 00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:47,193 "But I have to tell you that you're weak. 211 00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:49,962 I mean, I've heard of damsels in distress, 212 00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:53,099 but you make Princess Peach look like Ronda Rousey"? 213 00:08:53,165 --> 00:08:54,967 What? Okay, who wrote this? 214 00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:56,969 Can't wait for that letter. 215 00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:58,671 [ Chuckles heartily ] 216 00:09:00,172 --> 00:09:03,776 "For the love of God, get some fucking contacts." 217 00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:04,977 That's all they wrote? 218 00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:09,248 "I think you two have a serious addiction problem." 219 00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:10,683 Like, oh, boy, Scoob. 220 00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:13,920 They're sayin' we gotta stop eatin' Scooby Snacks! 221 00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:14,854 They rrha'?! 222 00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:15,888 [ Chuckles ] 223 00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:18,124 What do you mean I don't have a letter? 224 00:09:18,190 --> 00:09:21,060 Man: Um, the show is only about four best friends. 225 00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:23,829 [ Chuckles nervously ] You're kidding, right? 226 00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:26,766 I didn't make the cut? Did the dog make the cut? 227 00:09:26,832 --> 00:09:29,669 Woman: Each friend has one week to improve themselves. 228 00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:33,873 I can't believe they called me a damsel in distress. 229 00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,708 [ Train whistle approaching ] 230 00:09:35,775 --> 00:09:36,976 Wait a minute... 231 00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:38,844 [ Chuckling ] This is not my yoga class. 232 00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,780 -Give us the mic! -Give me my letter! 233 00:09:40,846 --> 00:09:43,082 Like, dude, we can do it, old pal. 234 00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:45,518 Just one week. With nuh-- with no -- 235 00:09:45,584 --> 00:09:47,887 With no fucking Scooby Snacks, man! 236 00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:49,922 Like, I'm freakin' out! 237 00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:51,357 Fuck! No! 238 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:54,593 Woman: It's been a week since the gang received their letters. 239 00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:56,629 Let's see if they fixed their flaws. 240 00:09:56,696 --> 00:09:58,898 Like, man, I will sell you a body part 241 00:09:58,965 --> 00:10:00,166 for one Scooby Snack! 242 00:10:00,232 --> 00:10:03,502 I'd rrhuck your rrhick! [ Sobs ] 243 00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:07,006 Guys... I got Lasik! 244 00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:09,342 -Rra'?! -They're still healing. 245 00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:10,876 [ Door bursts open ] 246 00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:11,978 [ Grunts ] 247 00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:13,946 Enough sittin' around, shit for brains! 248 00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:15,548 Let's do this!! [ Grunts ] 249 00:10:15,614 --> 00:10:16,983 Ow! 250 00:10:17,049 --> 00:10:18,384 Hmm... 251 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:22,054 If the owner died a decade ago, why start haunting now? 252 00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:24,423 Oh, I'm sorry. Were you talking to me? 253 00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:26,258 The fifth wheel? Because -- 254 00:10:26,325 --> 00:10:28,227 Let's get this son of a bitch! 255 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:29,562 -Hey! -Who's your mother?! 256 00:10:29,628 --> 00:10:30,896 -Ow! -Yeah! Get over here! 257 00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:34,367 -[ Glass shatters ] -[ Grunting ] 258 00:10:34,433 --> 00:10:38,337 Now let's see who the "ghost" really is. 259 00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:40,673 [ Grunting ] 260 00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:43,009 [ All gasping ] 261 00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:44,477 Butler. 262 00:10:44,543 --> 00:10:46,645 Called it. 263 00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:47,680 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 264 00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:49,015 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 265 00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:51,017 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 266 00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:52,184 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 267 00:10:52,251 --> 00:10:53,519 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 268 00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,354 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 269 00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:56,355 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 270 00:10:56,422 --> 00:10:57,690 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 271 00:10:57,757 --> 00:10:59,692 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 272 00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:01,894 Ba-gawk! Bawk.