1
00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:04,971
[ Whirring ]

2
00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:07,040
[ Theme music plays ]

3
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,511
[ Whirring ]

4
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:19,786
Man: It's alive!

5
00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:29,829
[ Thunder rumbles ]

6
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:39,539
[ Grunting ]

7
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:42,409
Boots, tell them
we mean them no harm.

8
00:00:42,475 --> 00:00:45,612
Uh, eeh, eeh, eek, eek,
ooh, oog, ooh.

9
00:00:45,678 --> 00:00:47,414
[ Grunts ]

10
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:50,283
Uh, what'd they say?

11
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:53,219
Boots,
you son of a bitch.

12
00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:54,621
Yo, what's up,
Suge Knight?

13
00:00:54,687 --> 00:00:56,623
I'm your engineer.
Who we recording today?

14
00:00:56,689 --> 00:00:58,291
You about to witness
history, kid.

15
00:00:58,358 --> 00:01:02,162
We gonna be blazing a track with
Tupac, Biggie, and Aaliyah.

16
00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:03,797
Oh, what? How?

17
00:01:03,863 --> 00:01:06,232
Yo, whitey, walk
your frosty ass in here.

18
00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:12,238
Unh, drop that beat.

19
00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:13,773
[ Hip-hop music plays ]

20
00:01:17,444 --> 00:01:19,345
[ Yelling ]

21
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,851
This is gonna be the biggest
album of the century!

22
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:28,354
Oh, no, unh-unh.
Oh, no!

23
00:01:32,491 --> 00:01:35,360
[ Hip-hop music plays,
yelling ]

24
00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:39,265
[ Distorted voice ]
I sense you have a...sister.

25
00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:43,002
If you will not turn
to the Dark Side,

26
00:01:43,069 --> 00:01:44,737
perhaps she will.

27
00:01:44,804 --> 00:01:47,006
No!
Leia will never turn.

28
00:01:47,073 --> 00:01:49,241
W-Wait.
Princess Leia?

29
00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:50,577
Yes, and I'll stop
you before --

30
00:01:50,643 --> 00:01:53,012
Shut up!
Just shut up for a second!

31
00:01:53,079 --> 00:01:56,449
I need a major
time-out here!

32
00:01:56,515 --> 00:01:58,785
Can I help you
find something?

33
00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:01,654
I need an "I'm sorry
to daughter" card.

34
00:02:01,721 --> 00:02:04,190
Can you be more specific?

35
00:02:04,257 --> 00:02:05,692
[ Whirring ]

36
00:02:05,758 --> 00:02:06,960
[ Gasps ]

37
00:02:07,026 --> 00:02:08,394
[ Whirring intensifies ]

38
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:11,064
Uh, I'd rather not.

39
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,466
Hmm, how about Ziggy?
He always seems to --

40
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:16,503
Stop!
You had me at "Ziggy."

41
00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:21,241
[ Laughs ] Oh, leave it to Ziggy
to sum it up perfectly.

42
00:02:23,176 --> 00:02:26,412
[ Roars ]

43
00:02:26,478 --> 00:02:27,881
My dear Dr. Grant,

44
00:02:27,947 --> 00:02:31,985
welcome to the Cool Dinosaur
Place that's the Best!

45
00:02:32,051 --> 00:02:34,053
Uh, is that name
set in stone?

46
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,358
Yes, nailed it!

47
00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:40,927
Ready to see
my chocolate factory?

48
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:45,365
♪ Follow me to a world
of magical fantasy ♪

49
00:02:45,430 --> 00:02:46,566
[ Rattling ]

50
00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:49,836
[ Line ringing ]

51
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:50,837
This is Jeff.
It's Willy.

52
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:52,305
Can you buzz me in,
please?

53
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:53,906
♪ Before your eyes

54
00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:55,375
[ Buzzer, door rattles ]

55
00:02:55,441 --> 00:02:56,376
Didn't open, Jeff.

56
00:02:56,442 --> 00:02:57,677
Really?
I-I pushed 8.

57
00:02:57,744 --> 00:02:59,579
No, Jeff,
pound first, then 8.

58
00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:06,185
♪ To a place where dreams
are sweeter than candy ♪

59
00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:07,654
[ Dial tone, line rings ]

60
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:08,888
Sorry, I pushed
"End call."

61
00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:10,557
Jeff, how about you just come
open the door for us?

62
00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:13,826
♪ Licorice chairs

63
00:03:13,893 --> 00:03:16,062
I'm not supposed
to leave the desk.

64
00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:17,463
Jeff,
I'm Willy fucking Wonka,

65
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,365
so just come open
the fucking door, Jeff.

66
00:03:19,432 --> 00:03:21,801
♪ Take a breath

67
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,636
[ All gasp ]

68
00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:27,941
♪ Come with me

69
00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:29,776
No, Jeff! No!

70
00:03:29,841 --> 00:03:33,046
A bunch of strangers invited
to a fancy dinner.

71
00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:34,180
What is going on?

72
00:03:34,247 --> 00:03:36,516
Perhaps we all have something
in common.

73
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,051
Well, what could it be?

74
00:03:38,117 --> 00:03:41,454
I am a beautiful, cultured
heiress to an oil fortune.

75
00:03:41,521 --> 00:03:44,557
I am a retired
Navy ship commander.

76
00:03:44,624 --> 00:03:46,692
I am a hunter of big game.

77
00:03:46,759 --> 00:03:48,795
Well, I'm technically
an aspiring actor,

78
00:03:48,861 --> 00:03:50,029
but to pay the bills,

79
00:03:50,096 --> 00:03:52,231
a dude I met on Craigslist
pays me to dress up

80
00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:53,633
as Yosemite Sam and jerk off

81
00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:56,269
while he watches from another
room via two-way glass.

82
00:03:56,336 --> 00:03:58,371
And I own a bank.

83
00:03:58,438 --> 00:03:59,472
[ Thunder crashes ]

84
00:03:59,539 --> 00:04:00,707
[ Woman screams ]

85
00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:03,276
Oh, my, the maid
has been murdered.

86
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:05,211
So, how much
you get paid?

87
00:04:05,278 --> 00:04:06,579
And how often?

88
00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:08,648
About a thousand bucks
a session, and it depends --

89
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:10,617
sometimes once a week,
sometimes 20 times a week.

90
00:04:10,683 --> 00:04:12,885
[ Thunder crashes, man screams ]

91
00:04:12,952 --> 00:04:14,687
The cook has been
murdered, too.

92
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:17,390
Oh, no.

93
00:04:17,457 --> 00:04:20,660
Do you put the costume on at
his house or drive there in it?

94
00:04:20,726 --> 00:04:22,228
I usually put the costume
on at home.

95
00:04:22,295 --> 00:04:23,463
I have to glue
the beard on.

96
00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:25,932
[ Thunder crashes,
woman screams ]

97
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:30,103
So, do you get paid
if you don't finish?

98
00:04:30,169 --> 00:04:33,239
That's a good question.
It's kind of a two-part answer.

99
00:04:34,073 --> 00:04:37,543
Announcer: Bugs Bunny --
the rumors, the speculation.

100
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,679
Now the interview.

101
00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:43,516
I started dressing as a woman
to trick Elmer Fudd.

102
00:04:43,582 --> 00:04:46,586
But I kept dressing
as a woman for me.

103
00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:49,222
Oh, yeah, everyone wanted
to fuck her.

104
00:04:49,288 --> 00:04:51,758
Bugs Bunny as a woman is hot!

105
00:04:51,824 --> 00:04:53,058
[ Laughs ]

106
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,528
I'm half-mast thinking about it
wight now.

107
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:57,263
The doctors gave him
a new puddy.

108
00:04:57,330 --> 00:04:59,132
I saw it, I did!

109
00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:00,967
I did see his new puddy!

110
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:04,237
It's wabbit season
in my pants.

111
00:05:04,303 --> 00:05:05,838
Watch it, pal!

112
00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:08,374
The terminator went back
in time to kill my mom.

113
00:05:08,441 --> 00:05:11,678
Kyle, you have to keep her safe,
or I'll never be born.

114
00:05:11,744 --> 00:05:14,180
But remember, any changes made
to the past

115
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:15,581
will affect things here.

116
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:17,316
[ Bell jingles ]

117
00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:19,786
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

118
00:05:19,852 --> 00:05:21,754
Oh, no.

119
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:24,190
That son of a bitch is already
making changes!

120
00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:25,558
[ Bell jingles ]

121
00:05:25,625 --> 00:05:26,492
Aah!

122
00:05:26,559 --> 00:05:28,628
Paper route terminated!

123
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,098
Oh, how lame!

124
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:35,334
And why do I have a tattoo of
Olympic skier Picabo Street?

125
00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:38,171
I'm spelling my name!

126
00:05:38,237 --> 00:05:40,306
T-E...

127
00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:42,742
oh, no.
The reserves depleted.

128
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,949
What the hell is he even
doing back there?

129
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,452
Yo soy Juan Connor?

130
00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:54,120
♪ La, la, la

131
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,688
♪ Doo, doo, doo

132
00:05:55,755 --> 00:05:57,090
[ Goats bleat ]

133
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:01,627
[ Laughs ]
I will be quack.

134
00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:02,628
[ Laughs ]

135
00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:04,564
[ Castanets clicking ]

136
00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:06,866
[ Groans ]

137
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,267
Ai-yai-yai.

138
00:06:08,334 --> 00:06:10,369
Yo soy Juanita Connor!

139
00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:13,840
[ Computerized beeping ]

140
00:06:13,906 --> 00:06:16,042
Next audition
for "Magic Mike."

141
00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:18,044
This is
David Copperfield.

142
00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:22,048
[ Coughs ]
You want to be in "Magic Mike"?

143
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:25,284
Well, now, how can I be
in "Magic Mike"

144
00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:28,454
if I already
am Magic Mike?

145
00:06:28,521 --> 00:06:31,090
Um, huh. Okay.
Did you read the script?

146
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:34,961
Oh, yes, the script.
Now, where did I put that?

147
00:06:35,027 --> 00:06:35,995
The script!

148
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,363
Whoa!
That was incredible.

149
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:39,165
Um, yeah,
that -- that script.

150
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,534
Oh, uh,
I-I did not read it.

151
00:06:41,601 --> 00:06:43,503
It's -- it's not really
about magic.

152
00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:44,937
You know what's magic?

153
00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:47,974
That feeling you had
when your dad bought you...

154
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,942
your first car!

155
00:06:50,009 --> 00:06:52,779
[ Gasps ]
That is fucking amazing!

156
00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:55,448
But the thing is, this movie
is about strippers.

157
00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:57,483
You'd have to be
completely naked.

158
00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:59,118
Thank you for seeing me.

159
00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:00,419
Aah!

160
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:01,821
♪ Eel drums

161
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:04,123
♪ With the steel drums

162
00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:05,558
♪ Eel drums

163
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:07,260
♪ With the steel drums

164
00:07:07,326 --> 00:07:10,029
♪ We're ee-ee-eel, eel drums

165
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,998
[ Scatting ]

166
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:15,868
[ Upbeat music playing ]

167
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,104
[ Machine-gun fire ]

168
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:22,441
[ Bird shrieks ]

169
00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:24,210
Flappykins!
Aah!

170
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:26,846
Well, guys, we may as well

171
00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:28,614
confront the elephant
in the room.

172
00:07:28,681 --> 00:07:30,149
Oh, you mean
the eagle, man.

173
00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:31,784
I mix up words
for stuff, too.

174
00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:34,420
Like -- Like earlier, I called
my fork a stabby spoon.

175
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:36,789
Shut the fuck up, Zapper!
I'm talking about my name.

176
00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:39,158
I can't be Captain Eagle
without my eagle,

177
00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:41,594
and that means we're no longer
Eagle Force.

178
00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:43,930
Fork bowl!
That's what I call a spoon.

179
00:07:43,996 --> 00:07:45,398
Shut the fuck up,
Zapper!

180
00:07:45,464 --> 00:07:47,567
We need a new name,
and we need it right now!

181
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:48,701
Uh, Gun Team!

182
00:07:48,768 --> 00:07:50,136
No, dog, Bullet Brothers.

183
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:51,537
Ooh, how about
Kaboom Force?

184
00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:53,439
Boots! We're all wearing boots!
Something boots!

185
00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:54,674
-Blam-a-rama!
-Boot Brutes!

186
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:55,675
We're the Boot Brutes!

187
00:07:55,741 --> 00:07:56,776
Ooh!
I know! I know!

188
00:07:56,843 --> 00:07:58,010
Eagle Force!

189
00:07:58,077 --> 00:07:59,212
All: Shut the fuck up,
Zapper!

190
00:07:59,278 --> 00:08:01,581
Okay, our new name
is Blam-a-rama,

191
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:03,082
and I am Captain Blam.

192
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:06,085
That's a Whole Foods name tag,
und it says Oscar.

193
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,954
[ Laughs ]
Got your bird!

194
00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:09,088
It's a placeholder, okay?

195
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:11,023
We weren't expecting you
to kill our eagle!

196
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:12,124
Now let's fight!

197
00:08:12,191 --> 00:08:14,093
You heard Oscar!
Eagle Force, attack!

198
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,128
Goddamn it, Zapper!

199
00:08:16,195 --> 00:08:20,366
Operation Relaxation engage.

200
00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:23,069
Creed seminal album
"Human Clay."

201
00:08:23,135 --> 00:08:25,705
Eject! Eject!

202
00:08:25,771 --> 00:08:28,574
[ "With Arms Wide Open" plays ]

203
00:08:28,641 --> 00:08:32,245
♪ With arms wide open ♪

204
00:08:34,947 --> 00:08:40,019
In the whole of Middle-earth,
there was found a Hobbit...

205
00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:45,191
...whose dick was so long,
he could slob it.

206
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,293
Two "Project Runway"
finalists.

207
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,961
Only one can be the winner.

208
00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,796
Chardonnay,
you're amazing.

209
00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:52,598
Thank you!

210
00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:54,367
And, Edna, you are...

211
00:08:54,433 --> 00:08:55,701
Incredible?

212
00:08:55,768 --> 00:08:57,937
Darling, the only reason
I'm on this show

213
00:08:58,004 --> 00:09:00,740
is to expose it as the
fraudulent fashion farce it is.

214
00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:02,008
Wunderbar!

215
00:09:02,074 --> 00:09:04,110
Chardonnay, from day one,
you made us rethink

216
00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:06,212
what we thought about
thinking about fashion.

217
00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:10,182
Edna, you won challenge after
challenge, blowing us away.

218
00:09:10,249 --> 00:09:12,919
The rocket launchers
don't work for me.

219
00:09:14,987 --> 00:09:16,022
You killed Michael Kors,

220
00:09:16,088 --> 00:09:17,623
and you killed it
on the runway.

221
00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:19,892
But will you kill it
with your final presentation?

222
00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:22,295
Heidi, darling,
you're like my first BMW.

223
00:09:22,361 --> 00:09:25,164
You're old, German,
and you both blew a Seal.

224
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:28,701
That burn was so hot,
I almost changed my inflection.

225
00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:31,504
Your final challenge
is to design capes!

226
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:33,339
No capes!

227
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,908
Edna, I'm checking
your progress.

228
00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:37,710
So far today, darling,
all I've done

229
00:09:37,777 --> 00:09:39,745
is this sketch of you
wearing a lace bikini

230
00:09:39,812 --> 00:09:41,347
sucking off
a Clydesdale horse.

231
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:42,448
May I keep that?

232
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:44,483
But what about
the cape, Edna?

233
00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:46,319
Why don't you do me a favor,
darling?

234
00:09:46,385 --> 00:09:48,354
Take your last name,
put it in your mouth,

235
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,388
and pull the trigger.

236
00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:51,057
I'm so flustered right now,

237
00:09:51,123 --> 00:09:53,492
I almost stopped talking
in monotone.

238
00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:56,462
Chardonnay, your capes
were exceptional.

239
00:09:56,529 --> 00:10:00,499
Edna, you made a bold choice
and didn't make any clothes.

240
00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:01,801
Hush, my darling.

241
00:10:01,867 --> 00:10:04,203
Using synthetic
self-fastening fibers,

242
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,405
Heidi, I'm dressing you
like a polar bear

243
00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:08,074
because you are
tall, white,

244
00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:10,142
and you have
Seal DNA in your stomach.

245
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:13,612
And I dressed your geriatric
manservant like Carmen Miranda

246
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:15,681
because it
accentuates his eyes.

247
00:10:15,748 --> 00:10:18,117
This isn't the first time
I've been covered in fruits.

248
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:20,619
Edna, you changed
how we see ourselves.

249
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:23,556
You are the winner.
Chardonnay, you're out.

250
00:10:23,622 --> 00:10:26,859
[ Sobbing ] Oh, my!

251
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:28,728
You forgot to say one thing,
darling.

252
00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:29,962
Auf wiedersehen.

253
00:10:30,029 --> 00:10:31,464
[ Beep, whirring ]

254
00:10:31,530 --> 00:10:34,200
Ooh, let's do "launch."

255
00:10:35,868 --> 00:10:36,836
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

256
00:10:36,902 --> 00:10:38,170
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

257
00:10:38,237 --> 00:10:40,172
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

258
00:10:40,239 --> 00:10:41,340
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

259
00:10:41,407 --> 00:10:42,675
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

260
00:10:42,742 --> 00:10:44,510
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

261
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:45,511
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

262
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:46,846
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

263
00:10:46,912 --> 00:10:48,848
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

264
00:10:48,914 --> 00:10:51,050
Ba-gawk! Bawk.

265
00:10:56,889 --> 00:10:58,357
[ Roars ]