1 00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:04,971 [ WHIRRING ] 2 00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:07,073 [ THEME MUSIC PLAYS ] 3 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,544 [ WHIRRING ] 4 00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:19,819 Man: IT'S ALIVE! 5 00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:29,863 [ THUNDER RUMBLES ] 6 00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:40,039 HE WAS THE BINGO CALLER. 7 00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:41,608 B-13. 8 00:00:41,674 --> 00:00:43,176 A VERY UNLUCKY NUMBER. 9 00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:45,345 I BETTER CALL HER. 10 00:00:45,412 --> 00:00:48,181 OUR INVESTIGATOR HAS A FEW QUESTIONS FOR YOU. 11 00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:50,650 I MUST WARN YOU, SHE'S A LITTLE UNORTHODOX. 12 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,819 [ SINGS FANFARE ] 13 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,354 ♪♪ 14 00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:55,855 [ BELL DINGS ] 15 00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,601 [ GRUNTS ] 16 00:01:10,103 --> 00:01:11,438 WHAT'S UP, FUCK NUTS? 17 00:01:11,504 --> 00:01:13,907 DAMN, I HAVEN'T SEEN THIS MUCH WHITE HAIR 18 00:01:13,973 --> 00:01:16,776 SINCE STEVE MARTIN SUCKED LESLIE NIELSEN'S DICK. 19 00:01:16,843 --> 00:01:17,944 ALLEGEDLY. 20 00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:19,512 BITCH PUDDING, PLEASE! 21 00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:20,914 YOU, RAISIN TWAT. 22 00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:22,582 MY NAME IS ANABELLE TIMULTI. 23 00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:24,717 YOUR NAME IS GUILTY AS A MOTHER FUCKER 24 00:01:24,783 --> 00:01:27,654 UNLESS YOU'VE GOT AN ALIBI, BAR-OF-SOAP-IN-A-SOCK TITS. 25 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,389 I WAS HERE, PLAYING BINGO. 26 00:01:29,456 --> 00:01:32,525 ONE MORE LIE OUT OF THAT SHIT NOZZLE YOU CALL A MOUTH, 27 00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,328 AND I'LL LEAVE A BOOT PRINT IN YOUR FRONT BUTT. 28 00:01:35,395 --> 00:01:36,795 LEAVE HER ALONE, YOU! 29 00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:38,664 THE FLOOR RECOGNIZES THAT FUCK ASS, 30 00:01:38,731 --> 00:01:41,167 SHIT-COVERED SCROTE SUCKER WITH THE PUSSY-ASS CANE. 31 00:01:41,234 --> 00:01:42,735 REGINALD WAS A GOOD MAN! 32 00:01:42,801 --> 00:01:44,537 WHY WOULD SOMEONE MURDER HIM? 33 00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:46,706 MAYBE BECAUSE HE WAS EMPTYING HIS BINGO BALLS 34 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,475 UP YOUR FAT-ASS WIFE'S CIGAR CUTTER, 35 00:01:48,541 --> 00:01:50,243 YOU QUIBBLING BOWL OF PICKLE DICKS. 36 00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:52,245 WHAT?! [ GASPS ] WHY, YOU -- 37 00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:53,780 GUN! [ GRUNTS ] 38 00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:56,850 YOU ASSAULTED A 94-YEAR-OLD MAN. 39 00:01:56,916 --> 00:01:58,251 -HE SASSED ME. -BITCH PUDDING, 40 00:01:58,318 --> 00:01:59,352 I MAKE IT MY BUSINESS 41 00:01:59,419 --> 00:02:01,621 TO UNDERSTAND WHAT MAKES PEOPLE TICK. 42 00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:04,691 FOR EXAMPLE, WHY WOULD A HIGHLY-RESPECTED ACTOR 43 00:02:04,757 --> 00:02:09,162 PLAY NOT ONE, BUT TWO ROLES IN A LOW-QUALITY TV SHOW? 44 00:02:09,228 --> 00:02:12,432 WELL, PERHAPS HIS BROTHER-IN-LAW INVENTED THE MOTORCYCLE 45 00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:14,701 THAT RUNS ON WATER-SOFTENER PELLETS, 46 00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:18,371 AND THAT ACTOR INVESTED HEAVILY WITHOUT DOING HIS DUE DILIGENCE. 47 00:02:18,438 --> 00:02:22,442 UH... BUT YOUR BEHAVIOR HAS NO EXPLANATION. 48 00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:24,511 IF YOU DON'T SOLVE THIS CRIME BY MIDNIGHT, 49 00:02:24,577 --> 00:02:27,514 I'M THROWING YOU AWAY AND LOCKING UP THE KEY. 50 00:02:27,579 --> 00:02:30,316 AND REMEMBER MY MOTTO -- NO SECOND TAKES. 51 00:02:30,383 --> 00:02:32,452 DAMN IT, B.P.! 52 00:02:32,519 --> 00:02:34,621 WHY DID YOU CALL ME OUT HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT? 53 00:02:34,687 --> 00:02:36,122 THE BINGO BALL THAT KILLED THE VICTIM 54 00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:37,656 DIDN'T MATCH THE OTHERS AT THE SCENE. 55 00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,292 IT WAS MADE OF A POLYVINYL CHLORIDE 56 00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:41,127 WITH AN ANTIQUATED FLAT-LAY PLASTICIZER, 57 00:02:41,194 --> 00:02:43,897 ONLY USED BY THIS FACTORY, DIPSHIT. 58 00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:45,098 BUT YOU DON'T HAVE A WARRANT. 59 00:02:45,164 --> 00:02:46,966 HERE'S MY WARRANT. [ GRUNTS ] 60 00:02:47,033 --> 00:02:49,903 NOW, LIKE I WAS SAYING, HERE'S MY WARRANT. 61 00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:52,405 [ GUNSHOT ] OH, DAMN, I'M HIT! 62 00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:55,008 [ SINGS FANFARE ] 63 00:02:55,074 --> 00:02:56,409 [ GRUNTING ] 64 00:02:56,476 --> 00:02:58,411 [ GRUNTS ] 65 00:02:58,478 --> 00:03:01,514 ♪♪ 66 00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:12,458 [ SCREAMING ] 67 00:03:13,426 --> 00:03:15,862 [ BUZZES ] 68 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:22,201 ALL THOSE IN FAVOR OF THE DEATH PENALTY, 69 00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:24,304 SAY, "EYE." 70 00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:25,772 OOH, THAT'S GROSS. 71 00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:31,210 [ THUD ] 72 00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:35,515 SO HARD SEEING YOUR FRIENDS DIE EVERY DAY. 73 00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:37,917 ME, I JUST KEEP ON SURVIVING! 74 00:03:37,984 --> 00:03:39,953 Man: OOH, AWESOME -- AN APPLE! 75 00:03:40,019 --> 00:03:42,622 OH, THIS IS IT -- SWEET RELEASE! 76 00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:45,124 DEATH, I WALK WILLINGLY INTO YOUR ARMS! 77 00:03:45,191 --> 00:03:48,561 I CAN'T WAIT TO CORE THAT APPLE AND STICK MY DICK IN IT! 78 00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:49,862 OH! [ THUD ] 79 00:03:49,929 --> 00:03:51,731 I'M ROD SERLING BANANA. 80 00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:53,433 BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR. 81 00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:55,101 GOOD ADVICE WHEN YOU ENTER -- 82 00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:56,636 OOH, THAT BANANA LOOKS LIKE 83 00:03:56,703 --> 00:03:58,538 A PERFECT FIT FOR THE OLD BUTTHOLE! 84 00:03:58,605 --> 00:03:59,572 OH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! 85 00:03:59,639 --> 00:04:00,807 OH... 86 00:04:00,873 --> 00:04:01,741 [ THUD ] 87 00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:05,211 GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU THE M&M. 88 00:04:05,278 --> 00:04:08,081 IT COMES IN YELLOW, GREEN, RED, AND VIOLET. 89 00:04:08,147 --> 00:04:10,583 BUT WE THINK THERE SHOULD BE A FIFTH COLOR. 90 00:04:10,650 --> 00:04:11,784 ANY SUGGESTIONS? 91 00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:13,486 HOW ABOUT BROWN? 92 00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:14,621 LARRY, FOR CHRI-- 93 00:04:14,687 --> 00:04:16,822 THERE'S ALREADY CHOCOLATE INSIDE. 94 00:04:16,889 --> 00:04:19,759 THE POINT IS THAT THERE'S A BRIGHTLY COLORED CANDY SHELL! 95 00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:21,461 HOW ABOUT BROWN?! 96 00:04:21,527 --> 00:04:23,463 ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME? 97 00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:26,032 BROWN ISN'T FUN. BROWN ISN'T ATTRACTIVE. 98 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,968 -BROWN? -LARRY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? 99 00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:31,337 THE BROWN DYE PEOPLE HAVE MY KIDS. 100 00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:32,972 THEY HAVE MY FUCKING KIDS! 101 00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:36,075 ♪♪ 102 00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:50,423 [ THEME MUSIC PLAYING ] 103 00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:17,517 EXCUSE ME, SIR, DOES YOUR DOG NUNCHUCK PEOPLE? 104 00:05:17,582 --> 00:05:18,918 WHAT? NO! 105 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,487 GOOD DOGGIE! OW, OW! 106 00:05:21,554 --> 00:05:23,690 THAT'S NOT MY DOG! 107 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,094 [ THEME MUSIC PLAYING ] 108 00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:50,950 A CELESTIAL AIR HOVERS OVERHEAD. 109 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,486 WE MUST LEAVE OUR PHYSICAL FORM 110 00:05:53,553 --> 00:05:56,522 AND JOIN IT BEFORE THE WORLD ENDS. 111 00:05:56,589 --> 00:05:58,624 HEY, KOOL-AID! 112 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:00,259 OH, YEAH! 113 00:06:00,326 --> 00:06:01,761 OH, NO! OH, PLEASE, NO! 114 00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:02,895 NOT ANOTHER CULT! 115 00:06:02,962 --> 00:06:05,098 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR LEADER TOLD YOU, 116 00:06:05,164 --> 00:06:06,999 BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO DIE! 117 00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:10,369 [ SOBBING ] IT'S JONESTOWN ALL OVER AGAIN! 118 00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:11,904 [ SOBS ] 119 00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:14,006 [ THEME MUSIC PLAYING ] 120 00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:40,700 I'M GIVING YOU THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY, CHARLIE. 121 00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:42,702 OH, GOSH! WHY? 122 00:06:42,769 --> 00:06:45,171 YOU HAVE A TRUSTING HEART, MY CHILD. 123 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,439 JUST SIGN HERE. 124 00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:47,907 CHARLES BUCKET, 125 00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:50,276 AS THE LEGAL OWNER OF THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY, 126 00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:53,112 YOU ARE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DEATHS AND/OR MAIMING 127 00:06:53,179 --> 00:06:55,481 OF AUGUSTUS GLOOP, VERUCA SALT, MIKE TEEVEE, 128 00:06:55,548 --> 00:06:57,216 AND VIOLET BEAUREGARDE. 129 00:06:57,283 --> 00:07:00,419 YOU'VE WON A GOLDEN TICKET TO THE ELECTRIC CHAIR. 130 00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:01,521 DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY? 131 00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:04,090 I'LL SEE WILLY WONKA IN HELL, YOUR HONOR! 132 00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,525 NOTED. [ BANGS GAVEL ] 133 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:08,961 HMM, MURDERING CHILDREN WAS FUN WHILE IT LASTED, 134 00:07:09,028 --> 00:07:10,897 BUT I CAN LIVE WITH THIS, TOO. 135 00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:13,132 FINGER IN YOUR SNOZZBERRY, SIR? 136 00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:14,867 [ CRACK! ] [ GROANS ] 137 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:17,904 IT FINALLY CAME! 138 00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:19,906 [ STAMMERING ] 139 00:07:19,972 --> 00:07:22,341 [ SNIFFLING ] 140 00:07:22,408 --> 00:07:25,044 MOM, I DIDN'T GET INTO MONSTERS U. 141 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,013 Woman: WELL, THAT'S WHY YOU APPLIED 142 00:07:27,079 --> 00:07:29,148 TO A SAFETY SCHOOL IN THE SEWER, HONEY. 143 00:07:29,215 --> 00:07:31,584 OH, I DON'T WANT TO GO TO BROWN. 144 00:07:34,821 --> 00:07:36,422 I'M GONNA DEDICATE MY LIFE 145 00:07:36,489 --> 00:07:38,991 TO STOPPING ALL INJUSTICE IN THE WORLD. 146 00:07:39,058 --> 00:07:41,460 LIKE WHEN THE WHITE MAN DECIMATED MY PEOPLE 147 00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:43,296 AS THEY RAPED THE LAND? -NO. 148 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,166 YEAH, I SO TAP HER ON THE SHOULDER, 149 00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:49,402 YOU KNOW, JUST TO GET HER ATTENTION. UH-HUH, OF COURSE. 150 00:07:49,468 --> 00:07:52,171 WELL, ALL OF A SUDDEN, HER FRIENDS COME OUT OF NOWHERE. 151 00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:54,040 THEY START PISSING ALL OVER US. 152 00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:56,375 -YOU DON'T NEED THAT. -I DON'T NEED THAT. 153 00:07:56,442 --> 00:07:58,277 YOU'RE TOO TALL TO BE A JOCKEY. 154 00:07:58,344 --> 00:07:59,512 BUT IT'S MY DREAM! 155 00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:01,981 IT'S TIME YOU LEARNED DREAMS DON'T COME TRUE. 156 00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:04,550 I GUESS MY RACING DREAM IS DEAD. 157 00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:07,486 WELL, THAT'S WHAT A PUSSY WOULD SAY. 158 00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:09,255 WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT IT? 159 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,224 YOU'RE NOT A HORSE, YOU'RE A UNICORN. 160 00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:14,861 A UNICORN'S JUST A HORSE WHO'S A LITTLE MORE HORNY THAN USUAL. 161 00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:16,229 FORGET I JUST SAID THAT. 162 00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:18,464 PRETEND I SAID, "HOP ABOARD, I'M A WILD RIDE!" 163 00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:20,032 FORGET I JUST SAID THAT ALSO. 164 00:08:20,099 --> 00:08:23,102 PRETEND I SAID, "RIGHT NOW, I'M THE ONLY HORSE YOU'VE GOT." 165 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:24,770 THAT SEEMS PRETTY INNOCUOUS. 166 00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:28,107 YEAH! I'M -- I'M GONNA ACHIEVE MY DREAM! 167 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:31,244 HEY! WE'RE SO FAR BEHIND THE OTHER JOCKEYS! 168 00:08:31,310 --> 00:08:33,578 LIKE HARD, RIPE, LITTLE APPLES. 169 00:08:33,645 --> 00:08:34,679 UH, WHAT? 170 00:08:34,746 --> 00:08:37,817 YEAH, YOU MENTIONED JOCKEY BEHINDS. 171 00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:39,085 LAST PLACE?! 172 00:08:39,150 --> 00:08:40,219 THANKS FOR NOTHING! 173 00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:42,020 YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE DREAM. 174 00:08:42,087 --> 00:08:44,256 WHAT'S MY INCENTIVE, HMM? 175 00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:46,592 UH, FOOD, SHELTER, OATS. 176 00:08:46,659 --> 00:08:50,563 WELL, SOMETIMES DREAMS REQUIRE A LITTLE MORE HARD WORK, 177 00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:53,232 OR PERHAPS DOING THINGS THAT MIGHT HAUNT YOU 178 00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:55,735 LONG AFTER THE THRILL OF ACCOMPLISHING YOUR DREAM 179 00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:57,136 HAS SUBSIDED. 180 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,237 [ NICKERS ] 181 00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:02,541 ARE YOU SAYING YOU'LL WIN THE RACE IF I... 182 00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:05,578 GIVE ME THE HUMMER OF A LIFETIME! 183 00:09:07,246 --> 00:09:09,615 SO YOU FINALLY GAVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS, HUH? 184 00:09:09,682 --> 00:09:10,783 DREAMS ARE GROSS. 185 00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:12,451 HOLY SHIT 186 00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:13,986 YOUR HORSE JUST WON! 187 00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:16,923 I GUESS ALL HE NEEDED WAS A BETTER JOCKEY. 188 00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:18,257 Unicorn: OH, BENTLEY! 189 00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:20,159 YES, PLAY IT LIKE AN OBOE! 190 00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,394 THAT'S RIGHT! 191 00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:23,562 NOW DO "FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLEBEE." 192 00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:26,232 [ NICKERS ] 193 00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:29,068 OH, WHOO, WHOO! OH, WHOA! 194 00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:33,005 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 195 00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:36,108 ♪♪ 196 00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:43,749 DANG, SON! 197 00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:47,553 IT DON'T MATTER WHO RIDES HIM, AS LONG AS IT ISN'T YOU! 198 00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,221 [ BELL TOLLS ] 199 00:09:49,288 --> 00:09:51,891 I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THOSE JOCKEYS ARE DEAD. 200 00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:53,626 YOU THE ONLY ONE LEFT, SON. 201 00:09:53,693 --> 00:09:54,860 HEY, YOU'RE RIGHT! 202 00:09:56,595 --> 00:09:58,197 JUSTIN, IF YOU'RE SEEING THIS, 203 00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,932 THEN EVERY JOCKEY IN THE COUNTRY 204 00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:03,369 IS DEAD FROM A RARE STRAIN OF HORSE THROAT GONORRHEA. 205 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,004 I REALIZED HOW WRONG I WAS 206 00:10:05,071 --> 00:10:07,139 TO BLACKMAIL YOU OVER OUR PARTNERSHIP. 207 00:10:07,206 --> 00:10:08,874 KILLING ALL OF YOUR COMPETITION 208 00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:11,310 WAS MY WAY OF PUTTING THINGS RIGHT. 209 00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:13,079 BUT IF I'D GIVEN YOU THAT HUMMER, 210 00:10:13,145 --> 00:10:14,380 I WOULD HAVE DIED, TOO. 211 00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,015 IN CASE YOU THINK GIVING ME A HUMMER 212 00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:18,050 WOULD HAVE KILLED YOU, TOO, I WANT TO ASSURE YOU 213 00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:21,988 THAT I WOULD HAVE FINISHED IN YOUR HAIR, LIKE A FRIEND. 214 00:10:22,054 --> 00:10:24,890 GOOD-BYE, PARTNER. 215 00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:28,494 YEAH! 216 00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:31,163 WELL, YOU WON YOUR FIRST RACE. 217 00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:32,698 AND JUST IN TIME, TOO. 218 00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:35,568 THE STATE'S SHUTTING DOWN HORSE RACING INDEFINITELY 219 00:10:35,634 --> 00:10:38,537 UNTIL THEY FIGURE OUT WHAT KILLED THOSE JOCKEYS. 220 00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:41,007 I KNOW WHAT KILLED THOSE JOCKEYS, DAD. 221 00:10:41,073 --> 00:10:43,976 FRIENDSHIP. 222 00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:46,746 THE COPS THINK MAYBE THOSE JOCKEYS WERE BLOWING THE HORSES. 223 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:47,913 YEAH, MAYBE THAT, TOO. 224 00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:50,016 [ CLUCKING THEME SONG ] 225 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:01,994 BA-GOK! 226 00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:04,930 BOK. 227 00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:06,665 [ HORSE WHINNIES ] 228 00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:08,667 [ MONKEY HOOTS ] 229 00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:10,036 [ MONKEY HOOTS ] 230 00:11:10,102 --> 00:11:11,670 [ SLAP! ]