WEBVTT
X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:9000

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[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

00:00:08.875 --> 00:00:10.977 line:10% position:10% size:60% align:start
[ SAWING ]
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]

00:00:18.084 --> 00:00:19.886 line:10% position:28% size:28%
IT'S ALIVE!

00:00:27.293 --> 00:00:32.399 line:10% position:35% size:48%
[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

00:00:32.465 --> 00:00:38.071 line:10% position:10% size:43% align:start
[ SMOOCH! ]
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

00:00:38.138 --> 00:00:39.939 line:79% position:40% size:58%
SO, WHAT'S MY SURPRISE,
FELLAS?

00:00:40.006 --> 00:00:40.774 line:85% position:28% size:33%
I CAN'T WAIT.

00:00:40.840 --> 00:00:45.812 line:79% position:50% size:70%
OH SHIT.
AW, THIS IS GONNA BE A GREAT

00:00:45.879 --> 00:00:46.513 line:85% position:23% size:23%
SANDWICH.

00:00:46.579 --> 00:00:47.313 line:85% position:23% size:20%
NOT YET.

00:00:47.380 --> 00:00:48.148 line:85% position:25% size:23%
AW, YEAH.

00:00:48.214 --> 00:00:49.816 line:85% position:45% size:70%
WHICH WAY TO THE FREE iPADS?

00:00:49.883 --> 00:00:51.885 line:85% position:20% size:20%
AH SHIT.

00:01:05.865 --> 00:01:10.970 line:79% position:40% size:60%
YOU JUST FUCKED WITH THE
WRONG JEW.

00:01:11.037 --> 00:01:11.738 line:85% position:25% size:23%
AW, YEAH.

00:01:11.805 --> 00:01:12.772 line:85% position:33% size:45%
PESCETARIAN, BABY.

00:01:12.839 --> 00:01:13.473 line:85% position:18% size:13%
WHAT?

00:01:13.540 --> 00:01:14.841 line:85% position:50% size:78%
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

00:01:14.908 --> 00:01:17.577 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
WELL, LET ME DROP SOME TRUTH ON
YOUR ASS RIGHT NOW.

00:01:17.644 --> 00:01:21.014 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
[ Rapping ] ♪ THE VEGETARIAN
LIFESTYLE IS HEALTHY AS

00:01:21.080 --> 00:01:22.649 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
FUCK ♪
♪ TO MY FOUR-LEGGED HOMEYS

00:01:22.715 --> 00:01:25.251 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
♪ NO REASON TO DUCK
♪ BUT YOU FINNED FUCKERS GOT

00:01:25.318 --> 00:01:27.387 line:79% position:10% size:50% align:start
THIS EMCEE GUNNIN' ♪
♪ MEAT IS MURDER

00:01:27.454 --> 00:01:30.790 line:79% position:50% size:75%
♪ BUT THEM FISH HAD IT COMIN'
♪ OMEGA-3 FATTY ACIDS RUN DEEP

00:01:30.857 --> 00:01:32.859 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
♪ BUT DON'T SLEEP
♪ THE PRICE YOU PAY IS TOO

00:01:32.926 --> 00:01:34.661 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
STEEP ♪
♪ I NEVER SEEN A FISH WHO AIN'T

00:01:34.727 --> 00:01:36.296 line:79% position:10% size:45% align:start
A PUNK-ASS BITCH ♪
♪ HIGH MERCURY

00:01:36.362 --> 00:01:37.964 line:79% position:10% size:63% align:start
♪ KILLIN' MY BROTHERS AND
SHIT ♪

00:01:38.031 --> 00:01:40.333 line:79% position:13% size:75% align:start
♪ GOT A HOT YACHT
♪ THAT'S THE STONE-COLD KILLER

00:01:40.400 --> 00:01:42.402 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
♪ MAKE THESE FISH LIE STILL AS
BEN STILLER ♪

00:01:42.469 --> 00:01:43.536 line:85% position:18% size:10%
HEY!

00:01:43.603 --> 00:01:45.004 line:79% position:40% size:58%
♪ HARPOONS IN THE FRONT
♪ HARPOONS IN THE BACK

00:01:45.071 --> 00:01:47.540 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
♪ MAN, THAT FUCKING FISH MAMA
♪ SHE'S DRESSED IN BLACK

00:01:47.607 --> 00:01:49.976 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
♪ EVERY CHICKEN OF THE SEA GONNA
NEED AN ESCAPE POD ♪

00:01:50.043 --> 00:01:52.479 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
♪ WATCH ME TURN CAPE COD INTO
RAPE COD ♪

00:01:52.545 --> 00:01:54.881 line:79% position:10% size:68% align:start
♪ MY DICK, YOUR MOUTH
♪ GONNA MAKE A FINE PAIRING

00:01:54.948 --> 00:01:55.682 line:85% position:18% size:15%
PSYCH!

00:01:55.748 --> 00:01:57.050 line:79% position:10% size:60% align:start
♪ THAT WAS A FUCKING RED
HERRING ♪

00:01:57.116 --> 00:02:00.753 line:79% position:15% size:70% align:start
♪ POP, POP, POP
♪ CALL ME YOUR POP, POP, POP

00:02:00.820 --> 00:02:01.855 line:85% position:25% size:30%
PESCETARIAN.

00:02:01.921 --> 00:02:04.090 line:79% position:30% size:40%
♪ POP, POP, POP
STEVE JOBS NIGGA

00:02:04.157 --> 00:02:06.526 line:79% position:10% size:38% align:start
♪ POP, POP, POP
PESCETARIAN.

00:02:06.593 --> 00:02:08.828 line:79% position:10% size:38% align:start
♪ POP, POP, POP
DUCHOVNY.

00:02:08.895 --> 00:02:11.131 line:79% position:33% size:43%
♪ POP, POP, POP
FRIED FISH NIGGA.

00:02:11.197 --> 00:02:14.167 line:79% position:10% size:38% align:start
♪ POP, POP, POP
[ COUGHING ]

00:02:14.234 --> 00:02:17.737 line:79% position:10% size:58% align:start
FUCKING FISH BONE NIGGA
YOU OKAY, MAN?

00:02:17.804 --> 00:02:20.139 line:79% position:50% size:73%
UH, DOC, ARE YOU SURE THIS IS
ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY?

00:02:20.206 --> 00:02:21.407 line:85% position:18% size:8%
NO.

00:02:21.474 --> 00:02:26.112 line:74% position:10% size:68% align:start
I'M STICKING MY FINGER UP A
GROWN MAN'S ASS ON A
FUCKING HUNCH.

00:02:26.179 --> 00:02:27.914 line:79% position:40% size:58%
YOU FORGOT THE SWORD OF
OMENS?

00:02:27.981 --> 00:02:29.082 line:85% position:38% size:48%
I'M A CAT, PANTHRO.

00:02:29.148 --> 00:02:30.350 line:85% position:40% size:60%
I GET DISTRACTED EASILY.

00:02:30.416 --> 00:02:33.219 line:79% position:50% size:73%
I'M A CAT, TOO, BUT YOU DON'T
SEE ME LOSING FOCUS EVERY

00:02:33.286 --> 00:02:34.654 line:79% position:10% size:40% align:start
TIME --
[ BIRD SQUAWKS ]

00:02:34.721 --> 00:02:35.855 line:85% position:40% size:58%
BIRD! BIRD! BIRD! BIRD!

00:02:35.922 --> 00:02:37.290 line:85% position:45% size:63%
ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS.

00:02:37.357 --> 00:02:40.827 line:85% position:50% size:80%
SWORD OF OMENS, COME TO MY HAND.

00:02:40.894 --> 00:02:44.130 line:79% position:23% size:23%
[ GASPS ]
RUN!

00:02:44.197 --> 00:02:45.765 line:85% position:48% size:68%
HURRY UP, YOU STUPID SWORD.

00:02:45.832 --> 00:02:49.002 line:79% position:13% size:28% align:start
[ PANTING ]
WilyKit!

00:02:49.068 --> 00:02:51.271 line:85% position:35% size:43%
GEEZ, IT'S HEAVY.

00:02:51.337 --> 00:02:52.939 line:85% position:18% size:8%
NO!

00:02:53.006 --> 00:02:55.008 line:85% position:35% size:45%
FLOOR IT, PANTHRO!

00:03:01.114 --> 00:03:01.681 line:85% position:20% size:20%
FINALLY.

00:03:01.748 --> 00:03:03.249 line:85% position:43% size:65%
WAIT, THERE'S BLOOD ON IT.

00:03:03.316 --> 00:03:06.786 line:79% position:50% size:78%
OBVIOUSLY, SOMEONE DOESN'T KNOW
HOW TO RESPECT MY NICE THINGS.

00:03:06.853 --> 00:03:08.121 line:85% position:38% size:48%
WHERE IS MY MOTHER?

00:03:08.187 --> 00:03:10.423 line:79% position:45% size:70%
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU
THIS.

00:03:10.490 --> 00:03:12.592 line:79% position:10% size:68% align:start
I'M AFRAID YOUR MOTHER IS A
ZOMBIE!

00:03:12.659 --> 00:03:13.359 line:85% position:23% size:18%
OH, NO!

00:03:13.426 --> 00:03:14.427 line:85% position:23% size:20%
OH, YES!

00:03:14.494 --> 00:03:17.163 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
SHE JUST SITS IN FRONT OF THOSE
SOAP OPERAS ALL DAY!

00:03:17.230 --> 00:03:18.965 line:85% position:48% size:70%
SO, SHE'S NOT A REAL ZOMBIE?

00:03:19.032 --> 00:03:19.832 line:85% position:18% size:8%
NO.

00:03:19.899 --> 00:03:21.968 line:79% position:10% size:55% align:start
I USED THE WORD IN THE
FIGURATIVE SENSE.

00:03:22.035 --> 00:03:23.503 line:85% position:43% size:58%
WELL, THAT IS A RELIEF.

00:03:23.570 --> 00:03:26.973 line:79% position:48% size:73%
THIS WEEK'S "SCARY MOVIE FOR
PEOPLE WITH HEART CONDITIONS"

00:03:27.040 --> 00:03:28.174 line:85% position:35% size:48%
WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

00:03:28.241 --> 00:03:33.246 line:79% position:10% size:68% align:start
APPROVED BY THE
AMERICAN HEART ASSOCIATION.

00:03:33.313 --> 00:03:35.348 line:79% position:40% size:60%
MAYBE IT'S TIME TO STOP,
WILLIAM.

00:03:35.415 --> 00:03:36.583 line:85% position:38% size:48%
NO, I CAN GET THIS.

00:03:36.649 --> 00:03:37.517 line:85% position:30% size:38%
I CAN GET THIS.

00:03:37.584 --> 00:03:38.818 line:85% position:33% size:40%
COME ON, TRAVIS.

00:03:38.885 --> 00:03:41.287 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
LET'S HAVE SEX ON MY ROOMMATE'S
BED.

00:03:41.354 --> 00:03:43.089 line:85% position:45% size:63%
OH, MAN, YOU'RE SO DIRTY.

00:03:43.156 --> 00:03:44.257 line:85% position:30% size:40%
I'M GONNA GET...

00:03:44.324 --> 00:03:45.558 line:85% position:33% size:40%
OH! RIGHT THERE.

00:03:45.625 --> 00:03:47.594 line:85% position:50% size:73%
OH, IT'S ALMOST AS GOOD AS...

00:03:47.660 --> 00:03:48.361 line:85% position:23% size:23%
OH, YEAH.

00:03:48.428 --> 00:03:49.195 line:85% position:20% size:20%
OH, MAN.

00:03:49.262 --> 00:03:51.130 line:85% position:43% size:63%
WE'RE TOTALLY HAVING SEX!

00:03:51.197 --> 00:03:52.899 line:85% position:40% size:58%
YEAH, THIS IS THE BEST!

00:03:52.966 --> 00:03:54.634 line:85% position:38% size:55%
OH, SEX FEELS SO GOOD!

00:03:54.701 --> 00:03:56.636 line:85% position:43% size:58%
NO, NO, NO, DON'T STOP!

00:03:56.703 --> 00:03:57.971 line:85% position:30% size:40%
OH, RIGHT THERE!

00:03:58.037 --> 00:04:03.910 line:79% position:30% size:38%
[ BOTH SCREAM ]
♪ DO DO DO DO

00:04:03.977 --> 00:04:07.013 line:79% position:10% size:48% align:start
♪ DO DO DO DO DO DO
♪ DO DO DO DO

00:04:07.080 --> 00:04:11.784 line:79% position:10% size:48% align:start
♪ DO DO DO DO DO DO
♪ FRIENDS FOREVER

00:04:11.851 --> 00:04:15.054 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
♪ JASON PLUS MICHAEL
♪ EQUALS BEST FRIENDS FOREVER

00:04:15.121 --> 00:04:16.990 line:79% position:10% size:63% align:start
♪ PALLING AROUND LIKE TWO
BUDDIES DO ♪

00:04:17.056 --> 00:04:19.258 line:79% position:10% size:55% align:start
[ BOTH SCREAM ]
♪ KILLING SLUTTY GIRLS

00:04:19.325 --> 00:04:21.160 line:79% position:10% size:53% align:start
♪ PUTTING PICTURES IN
SCRAPBOOKS ♪

00:04:21.227 --> 00:04:23.696 line:79% position:35% size:50%
♪ SHARING ADVENTURES
♪ HAVING A GOOD TIME

00:04:23.763 --> 00:04:24.864 line:85% position:20% size:13%
WHOO!

00:04:24.931 --> 00:04:27.000 line:79% position:43% size:63%
♪ DISMEMBERING BODIES
♪ AND EATING SOME COOKIES

00:04:27.066 --> 00:04:28.201 line:85% position:18% size:10%
YUM!

00:04:28.267 --> 00:04:30.603 line:79% position:50% size:70%
♪ TALKING ABOUT CRUSHES AND
THEN KILLING THOSE CRUSHES ♪

00:04:30.670 --> 00:04:33.673 line:79% position:10% size:50% align:start
♪ JASON VOORHEES AND
MICHAEL MYERS ♪

00:04:33.740 --> 00:04:37.276 line:79% position:10% size:35% align:start
♪ BEST FRIENDS
♪ FOREVER

00:04:37.343 --> 00:04:39.445 line:85% position:30% size:35%
DIE! DIE! DIE!

00:04:39.512 --> 00:04:45.785 line:79% position:28% size:33%
[ CRYING ]
♪ DO DO DO DO

00:04:45.852 --> 00:04:49.822 line:79% position:45% size:68%
♪ DO DO DO DO DO DO
YOU ACT LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE

00:04:49.889 --> 00:04:53.126 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
FEELING, BUT I BET DEEP DOWN YOU
WANT TO CARE, DON'T YOU?

00:04:53.192 --> 00:04:54.627 line:85% position:43% size:63%
TELL ME YOU WANT TO CARE.

00:04:54.694 --> 00:04:55.261 line:85% position:20% size:20%
TELL ME.

00:04:55.328 --> 00:04:56.763 line:85% position:43% size:63%
TELL ME YOU WANT TO CARE.

00:04:56.829 --> 00:04:58.631 line:85% position:35% size:50%
OH, YEAH! THAT'S IT!

00:04:58.698 --> 00:04:59.966 line:85% position:15% size:8%
OH!

00:05:00.033 --> 00:05:03.469 line:85% position:25% size:28%
OH! OH! OH!

00:05:03.536 --> 00:05:05.304 line:85% position:48% size:75%
YOU NEED A CREDIT-CARD NUMBER?

00:05:05.371 --> 00:05:10.276 line:79% position:50% size:68%
OKAY. IT'S 438 --
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A KITTEN

00:05:10.343 --> 00:05:10.910 line:85% position:20% size:18%
SNEEZE?

00:05:10.977 --> 00:05:12.612 line:85% position:43% size:65%
[ LAUGHS ] IT'S VERY CUTE.

00:05:12.679 --> 00:05:14.981 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
DON'T BLINK, OR YOU MIGHT MISS
IT.

00:05:15.048 --> 00:05:17.617 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
ANY SECOND NOW, THAT KITTEN IS
GOING --

00:05:17.684 --> 00:05:22.622 line:79% position:13% size:68% align:start
[ ROARS ]
THE "SCARY MOVIE FOR PEOPLE

00:05:22.689 --> 00:05:25.291 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
WITH HEART CONDITIONS" WAS A LIE
FROM THE VERY START!

00:05:25.358 --> 00:05:28.361 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
GOOD LUCK CALLING 911 WITH YOUR
HEART COMPLETELY STOPPED, YOU

00:05:28.428 --> 00:05:30.430 line:85% position:28% size:35%
DUMB ASSHOLES!

00:05:33.666 --> 00:05:36.402 line:85% position:48% size:75%
CULL THE WHEAT FROM THE CHAFF!

00:05:36.469 --> 00:05:39.672 line:79% position:45% size:70%
YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THE MOOD
FOR BEAR SEX WILL STRIKE.

00:05:39.739 --> 00:05:43.309 line:79% position:50% size:80%
BUT WHEN IT DOES, BE READY WITH
BEAR-ALIS, THE ROOFIE FORMULATED

00:05:43.376 --> 00:05:44.544 line:85% position:35% size:50%
SPECIALLY FOR BEARS.

00:05:44.610 --> 00:05:48.014 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
BEAR-ALIS IS THE ONLY ANIMAL
TRANQUILIZER PILL PROVEN TO WORK

00:05:48.081 --> 00:05:51.451 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
FAST AND LAST A LONG TIME SO YOU
CAN FUCK THAT BEAR RIGHT

00:05:51.517 --> 00:05:52.685 line:85% position:18% size:13%
AWAY.

00:05:52.752 --> 00:05:55.822 line:79% position:50% size:78%
AND THEN, AFTER YOU'VE HAD TIME
TO RE-BONER, GO FOR THE DEUCE.

00:05:55.888 --> 00:05:57.890 line:85% position:50% size:80%
ASK YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT BEAR-ALIS.

00:06:05.064 --> 00:06:08.201 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THE MOOD FOR
BEAR SEX WILL STRIKE.

00:06:08.267 --> 00:06:11.437 line:79% position:50% size:68%
WHEN IT DOES, BE READY WITH
BEAR-ALIS BRAND ROOFIES FOR

00:06:11.504 --> 00:06:12.405 line:85% position:18% size:15%
BEARS.

00:06:12.472 --> 00:06:15.007 line:79% position:43% size:65%
IF YOU TELL ANYONE, I WILL
FUCKING KILL YOU.

00:06:15.074 --> 00:06:18.611 line:79% position:50% size:78%
SO, GOOFY, DID YOUR PARENTS
TAKE IT OKAY WHEN YOU TOLD THEM

00:06:18.678 --> 00:06:20.480 line:85% position:50% size:80%
YOU AND CLARABELLE ARE TOGETHER?

00:06:20.546 --> 00:06:22.115 line:85% position:43% size:60%
WELL, OF COURSE, MINNIE.

00:06:22.181 --> 00:06:23.282 line:85% position:33% size:45%
WHY WOULDN'T THEY?

00:06:23.349 --> 00:06:25.785 line:79% position:40% size:58%
BECAUSE SHE'S A COW AND
YOU'RE A DOG!

00:06:25.852 --> 00:06:27.253 line:85% position:40% size:60%
IT'S U-- IT'S UNNATURAL!

00:06:27.320 --> 00:06:28.855 line:85% position:43% size:60%
SOMEONE FINALLY SAID IT!

00:06:28.921 --> 00:06:30.123 line:85% position:35% size:45%
BUT, GAWRSH, GUYS.

00:06:30.189 --> 00:06:32.625 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
T-THERE ISN'T ANYBODY LIKE ME
OUT THERE.

00:06:32.692 --> 00:06:35.561 line:85% position:38% size:50%
WELL, THERE'S PLUTO.

00:06:35.628 --> 00:06:38.264 line:79% position:43% size:65%
I'M GONNA PRETEND I DIDN'T
HEAR THAT.

00:06:38.331 --> 00:06:41.801 line:79% position:50% size:75%
I MOVE WE VOTE TO BAN
MIXED-SPECIES COUPLES FROM THE

00:06:41.868 --> 00:06:43.336 line:85% position:40% size:58%
MICKEY MOUSE CLUBHOUSE.

00:06:43.402 --> 00:06:44.670 line:85% position:35% size:48%
DO I HAVE A SECOND?

00:06:44.737 --> 00:06:45.605 line:85% position:25% size:23%
I SECOND!

00:06:45.671 --> 00:06:47.240 line:85% position:50% size:73%
NO! YOU CAN'T LEGISLATE LOVE!

00:06:47.306 --> 00:06:48.441 line:85% position:28% size:28%
OH, REALLY?

00:06:48.508 --> 00:06:50.710 line:79% position:48% size:75%
TWO CONFIRMED BACHELORS WHO'VE
COHABITATED THEIR ENTIRE LIVES

00:06:50.777 --> 00:06:51.944 line:85% position:45% size:68%
HAVE LIBERAL SOCIAL ETHICS?

00:06:52.011 --> 00:06:52.945 line:85% position:38% size:53%
[ Laughing ] SHOCKER.

00:06:53.012 --> 00:06:53.846 line:85% position:33% size:38%
WE'RE BROTHERS.

00:06:53.913 --> 00:06:54.914 line:85% position:30% size:35%
WE'RE COUSINS.

00:06:54.981 --> 00:06:57.717 line:79% position:50% size:80%
[ CHUCKLES ]
GET YOUR STORY STRAIGHT, FELLAS.

00:06:57.784 --> 00:07:00.920 line:79% position:48% size:75%
JUST A REMINDER -- I'M
ACTUALLY HUMAN UNDER ALL THIS,

00:07:00.987 --> 00:07:03.156 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
SO BELLE AND I ARE COOL, RIGHT,
GUYS?

00:07:03.222 --> 00:07:04.090 line:85% position:18% size:13%
GUYS?

00:07:04.157 --> 00:07:06.325 line:79% position:43% size:65%
[ GAVEL BANGS ]
ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH, ENOUGH.

00:07:06.392 --> 00:07:07.193 line:85% position:28% size:33%
ALL IN FAVOR?

00:07:07.260 --> 00:07:09.829 line:79% position:35% size:48%
[ ALL SHOUT "AYE" ]
THE MOTION PASSES.

00:07:09.896 --> 00:07:12.265 line:79% position:38% size:53%
EVERYONE, PLEASE STOP
FIGHTING!

00:07:12.331 --> 00:07:17.170 line:79% position:48% size:75%
I, WALT DISNEY, CREATED YOU TO
SPREAD HAPPINESS, NOT BIGOTRY.

00:07:17.236 --> 00:07:18.504 line:85% position:28% size:28%
HE SHO DID.

00:07:18.571 --> 00:07:21.007 line:85% position:50% size:78%
JUST LOOK AT ME -- UNCLE REMUS.

00:07:21.073 --> 00:07:23.409 line:85% position:48% size:73%
YOU TELLS THEM, MASSA DISNEY.

00:07:23.476 --> 00:07:26.813 line:79% position:43% size:65%
WELL, I GUESS IT'S BACK TO
THE GRAVE.

00:07:26.879 --> 00:07:27.947 line:85% position:25% size:28%
DISNEY OUT.

00:07:28.014 --> 00:07:32.485 line:79% position:43% size:65%
[ ALL GASP ]
10 YEARS HAVE PASSED SINCE

00:07:32.552 --> 00:07:34.020 line:85% position:35% size:50%
THE THIRD WORLD WAR.

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THE MOST VALUABLE RESOURCES IN
THIS TERRIBLE NEW WORLD -- FOOD,

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WATER, GASOLINE.

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BUT FOR THOSE FORGOTTEN HOLIDAYS
STRUGGLING TO SURVIVE, THE MOST

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VALUABLE RESOURCE IS CHILDREN!

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[ GASPS ]
DADDY, IT'S A TURKEY ON A

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MOTORCYCLE!

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BE QUIET!

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KEEP YOUR HEADS DOWN!

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[ TIRES SCREECHING ]
THAT MAN'S SUIT LOOKS LIKE

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THE FLAG WE BURNED FOR WARMTH!

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IT LOOKS SO FUN!

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DADDY! DADDY, CAN WE STOP?

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BE QUIET! DON'T LOOK AT THEM!

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HOW MUCH FOR THE LITTLE
GIRL?!

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[ TIRES SCREECH ]
[ GOBBLING ]

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HOW ABOUT A LITTLE FIREWORKS,
SCARECROWS?!

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[ SIGHS ] THAT WAS AWFUL.

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OH, BOY!

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AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!

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IDIOTS!

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WE RAISED THREE IDIOTS!

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MY SACK IS SO FULL.

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WOULD YOU CARE TO SLURP UP ITS
CONTENTS?

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YAY! CANDY!

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[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
[ SCREAMS ]

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NOW, YOU KNOW I COULDN'T LET
THAT CACTUS PUT A PRICK IN YOU,

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KID!

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THAT'S<i> HIS</i> JOB.

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GEEZ. THAT GUY IS CREEPY.

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HANG ON!

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[ TIRES SCREECH ]
HEY, WHERE IS ARBOR DAY?

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GAAH!

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I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT.

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I THINK WE MADE IT.
DEAR?

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WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

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HO! HO! HO!

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[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]
HONEY?

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DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

00:09:49.822 --> 00:09:51.757 line:79% position:43% size:63%
I'M GONNA SPREAD A LITTLE
CHRISTMAS CHEER.

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ALL OVER THE FUCKING DESERT.

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YAAH!

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HE IS REAL!

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[ GASPS ]
I LOVE YOU, SANTA CLAUS!

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IT WAS A FEELING THAT
SANTA CLAUS HAD LONG

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FORGOTTEN -- THE LOVE OF A
CHILD.

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THEY DIDN'T NEED TO KIDNAP THE
CHILDREN.

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THEY JUST NEEDED A PLACE IN
THEIR HEARTS.

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HO! HO! HO!

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THE LESSON FROM THIS TALE OF
WOE -- ALWAYS KEEP THE HOLIDAYS

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ALIVE IN YOUR HEART.

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OR JUST REMEMBER THAT TURKEY
RIDING A MOTORCYCLE, BECAUSE

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THAT WAS PRETTY FUCKING COOL.

00:10:38.204 --> 00:10:40.539 line:10% position:35% size:48%
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK

00:10:40.606 --> 00:10:42.675 line:10% position:10% size:78% align:start
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
BAWK BAWK ♪

00:10:42.742 --> 00:10:44.810 line:10% position:35% size:48%
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK

00:10:44.877 --> 00:10:46.979 line:10% position:10% size:78% align:start
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
BAWK BAWK ♪

00:10:47.046 --> 00:10:49.115 line:10% position:35% size:48%
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK

00:10:49.181 --> 00:10:51.317 line:10% position:10% size:78% align:start
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
BAWK BAWK ♪

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BA-GAWK! BAWK.