1 00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:08,875 [ THUNDER CRASHES ] [ LAUGHS EVILLY ] 2 00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:10,910 [ SAWING ] [ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] 3 00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:19,819 IT'S ALIVE! 4 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:32,465 [ THUNDER CRASHES ] [ LAUGHS EVILLY ] 5 00:00:32,531 --> 00:00:38,004 [ SMOOCH! ] [ LAUGHS EVILLY ] 6 00:00:38,071 --> 00:00:40,840 ♪ ALVIN IS THE COOL-MUNK ♪ HE REALLY LOVES TO ROCK 7 00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:43,576 ♪ TOGETHER WE'RE THE CHIPMUNKS ♪ I JERK OFF IN DAVE'S 8 00:00:43,643 --> 00:00:45,678 SO-O-O-CK ♪ ALVIN! 9 00:00:45,745 --> 00:00:47,480 [ SCREAMING ] THIS IS MY JAM. 10 00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:50,683 I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M GONNA GET BACKSTAGE AND BLOW ONE OF THOSE 11 00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:51,384 CHIPMUNKS! 12 00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:52,819 WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? 13 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,454 YEAH! AT LEAST ONE OF THEM. 14 00:00:54,521 --> 00:00:55,722 HOPEFULLY ALL OF THEM. 15 00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:57,590 BUT THEY DON'T HAVE PENISES, TRACI. 16 00:00:57,657 --> 00:00:58,591 THEY'RE ANIMATRONIC. 17 00:00:58,658 --> 00:01:00,360 KENDRA, THEY'RE NOT ANIMATRONIC. 18 00:01:00,427 --> 00:01:01,828 I THINK I HEARD THEY'RE MUTANTS. 19 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,963 THEY'RE REGULAR CHIPMUNKS THAT GOT RADIATED. 20 00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:05,098 DON'T CARE. BLOWING ONE! 21 00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:07,033 WHOO! 22 00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:08,134 WOW. 23 00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:11,137 ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR. 24 00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:14,507 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] MR. SEVILLE, I'M NEW HERE, SO 25 00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:15,975 I WANTED TO DOUBLE-CHECK. 26 00:01:16,042 --> 00:01:17,710 WHAT'S YOUR POLICY ON GROUPIES? 27 00:01:17,777 --> 00:01:18,545 GROUPIES? 28 00:01:18,611 --> 00:01:19,746 OH, HI -- ME, ME! 29 00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:22,782 WAIT A MINUTE, ARE YOU SAYING THAT HUMAN GIRL IS SEXUALLY 30 00:01:22,849 --> 00:01:24,050 INTERESTED IN THE BOYS? 31 00:01:24,117 --> 00:01:25,151 THAT'S DISGUSTING. 32 00:01:25,218 --> 00:01:26,786 GET HER THE HELL OUT OF HERE. 33 00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:28,521 I'M GONNA GO PRAY FOR HER SOUL. 34 00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:31,658 WOW, A REAL GROUPIE, JUST LIKE OTHER ROCK STARS HAVE. 35 00:01:31,724 --> 00:01:33,593 DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, ALVIN. 36 00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:34,527 IT'S BESTIALITY. 37 00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:35,895 IT'S AGAINST GOD'S PLAN. 38 00:01:35,962 --> 00:01:38,164 THEODORE, WE'RE FOUR-FOOT-HIGH CHIPMUNKS. 39 00:01:38,231 --> 00:01:39,632 WE'RE PROOF THAT GOD IS DEAD. 40 00:01:39,699 --> 00:01:45,572 [ SQUEAK! ] I'M GOING TO WHACK ME OFF A 41 00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:48,975 PIECE OF THAT. 42 00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:51,478 I DIDN'T ACTUALLY THINK I'D GET THIS FAR. 43 00:01:51,544 --> 00:01:52,412 LUCKY YOU. 44 00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:54,814 YEAH, YOU SMELL DIFFERENT THAN I THOUGHT. 45 00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:57,684 LIKE, LESS DREAMY AND MORE GAMEY. 46 00:01:57,750 --> 00:02:01,154 OH, WELL, UH, I GUESS WE DON'T HAVE TO. 47 00:02:01,221 --> 00:02:02,922 YEAH. YEAH, WE DO. 48 00:02:02,989 --> 00:02:05,258 I TALKED A BIG GAME IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS. 49 00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:07,660 AND [Voice breaking] NOW THIS HAS TO HAPPEN. 50 00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:10,763 [ SIGHS ] OH, ARE YOU CRYING? 51 00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:13,666 [ CRYING ] I CAN'T FIND YOUR JUNK. 52 00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:14,767 OH, HANG ON. 53 00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,135 MY GENITALS RETRACT! 54 00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:17,804 [ GRUNTS ] [ POP! ] 55 00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,606 OH, GOD. I'M GOING HOME NOW. 56 00:02:19,672 --> 00:02:20,540 AWW. 57 00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:22,242 HOPE MY FRIENDS DIDN'T GO HOME WITHOUT ME. 58 00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:23,209 YE-E-E-E-S! 59 00:02:23,276 --> 00:02:25,812 THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN MASTURBATING! 60 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:28,481 AND KENDRA THOUGHT YOU WERE ANIMATRONIC. 61 00:02:28,548 --> 00:02:30,283 NOPE. MUTATED BY RADIATION. 62 00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:30,817 YEAH! 63 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:31,584 HIGH FIVE! 64 00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:32,151 YEAH! 65 00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:33,119 THIS IS MY JAM! 66 00:02:33,186 --> 00:02:34,353 Both: AWW. 67 00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:37,023 MOM AND DAD COULDN'T AFFORD OUR CHRISTMAS PRESENTS BECAUSE THE 68 00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:38,291 PRICE OF GAS IS SO HIGH. 69 00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:39,726 BUT I'VE BEEN EXTRA GOOD. 70 00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:42,328 SWEAR I'M GONNA FUCK SOME SHIT UP NEXT YEAR. 71 00:02:42,395 --> 00:02:44,230 DID SOMEBODY SAY "ENERGY CRISIS"? 72 00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:46,866 Both: NOT IN THOSE EXACT WORDS, CAPTAIN AMERICA. 73 00:02:46,933 --> 00:02:50,336 THE HIGH COST OF ENERGY IS CRIPPLING AMERICA, KIDS. 74 00:02:50,403 --> 00:02:52,138 Both: BUT WHAT CAN WE DO? 75 00:02:52,204 --> 00:02:55,875 WE CAN LICK THIS PROBLEM IF WE ALL DO OUR PART TOGETHER. 76 00:02:55,942 --> 00:02:58,645 TURN THE DIAL DOWN TO 68 DEGREES, AND WE'LL USE LESS 77 00:02:58,711 --> 00:02:59,412 HEATING OIL. 78 00:02:59,478 --> 00:03:00,880 WE'RE NOT GONNA DO THAT. 79 00:03:00,947 --> 00:03:02,115 MY FEET GET COLD. 80 00:03:02,181 --> 00:03:03,683 UH, OKAY. NEXT TIP. 81 00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:07,020 ELECTRONICS STILL USE ENERGY EVEN WHEN TURNED OFF. 82 00:03:07,086 --> 00:03:08,721 MAKE SURE TO UNPLUG THEM. 83 00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:10,490 THAT SOUNDS EXHAUSTING. 84 00:03:10,557 --> 00:03:11,224 PASS. 85 00:03:11,291 --> 00:03:12,225 UH... 86 00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:15,094 CLOTHES DRYERS ARE 20% OF A HOME'S ENERGY BILL. 87 00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:17,897 DRY YOUR LAUNDRY OUTDOORS, AND SAVE POWER. 88 00:03:17,964 --> 00:03:19,632 I NEVER WAIT THAT LONG. 89 00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:21,367 NOBODY'S GONNA DO THAT. 90 00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:23,036 OH, FINE. FUCK YOU THEN. 91 00:03:23,102 --> 00:03:26,139 [ GLASS SHATTERS ] [ DOG BARKS ] 92 00:03:26,204 --> 00:03:28,408 SORRY WE COULDN'T AFFORD GIFTS THIS YEAR, KIDS. 93 00:03:28,474 --> 00:03:29,576 THAT'S OKAY. 94 00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:31,778 IT'S ENOUGH THAT YOU DON'T FORCE US TO LIVE LIKE A BUNCH OF 95 00:03:31,844 --> 00:03:32,679 BROKE-ASS HIPPIES. 96 00:03:32,745 --> 00:03:34,013 All: AWW. 97 00:03:34,079 --> 00:03:38,117 [ SHIVERING ] MY FEET ARE FUCKING FREEZING. 98 00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:40,820 [ LASSIE BARKS ] LASSIE, WHAT'S WRONG, GIRL? 99 00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,423 [ LASSIE BARKS ] TIMMY FELL -- OH, WRONG VERB? 100 00:03:43,489 --> 00:03:45,625 [ LASSIE BARKS ] DROPPED... 101 00:03:45,692 --> 00:03:46,626 PUT... 102 00:03:46,692 --> 00:03:47,627 SPREAD... 103 00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,362 [ LASSIE BARKS ] TIMMY SPREAD...PEANUT BUTTER... 104 00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:51,464 [ LASSIE BARKS ] ON HIS BALLS...AND YOU HAD TO -- 105 00:03:51,531 --> 00:03:52,565 OH, I'M SO SORRY, LASSIE. 106 00:03:52,632 --> 00:03:55,134 [ LASSIE WHINES ] LET'S ALL GIVE A ROUND OF 107 00:03:55,201 --> 00:03:58,004 APPLAUSE TO 6-YEAR-OLD BOSCO ALBERT, WHO'S MAKING OUR 108 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,273 FLIGHT FROM ATLANTA TO L.A. ALL BY HIMSELF. 109 00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:01,941 [ APPLAUSE ] ALSO, IT LOOKS LIKE THE 110 00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:04,544 IN-FLIGHT MEAL WAS OVER THREE WEEKS OLD AND ALMOST CERTAINLY 111 00:04:04,611 --> 00:04:05,545 TEEMING WITH BACTERIA. 112 00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:06,412 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 113 00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:08,748 [ GURGLE! ] EXCUSE ME, I NEED TO USE 114 00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,984 THE -- FAA REGULATIONS REQUIRE THAT 115 00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:14,053 YOU STAY IN YOUR SEAT WITH YOUR SEATBELT FULLY FASTENED. 116 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,021 THIS ISN'T HAPPENING. 117 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,356 I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT. 118 00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:17,356 GOD FORGIVE ME! 119 00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,993 [ FA-A-A-A-RT! ] OH, DEAR, GET OUT OF THE WAY! 120 00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:21,861 [ FA-A-A-A-RT! ] LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS 121 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,297 IS YOUR CAPTAIN, REMINDING YOU THAT GETTING OUT OF YOUR SEAT 122 00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:25,898 IS AGAINST F-- AW, WHO AM I KIDDING? 123 00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:28,167 I'M OUT OF MY SEAT SQUATTING OVER A COFFEE POT UP HERE, 124 00:04:28,234 --> 00:04:28,835 PEOPLE. 125 00:04:28,901 --> 00:04:29,936 DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. 126 00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,672 [ SCREAMS AND FARTING ] OH, GOD! 127 00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:38,711 [ ALL FARTING ] [ SPLAT! ] 128 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:41,414 I TOLD YOU BEFORE, I DON'T GET ON NO DAMN PLANE. 129 00:04:41,481 --> 00:04:43,316 OH, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL, B.A.? 130 00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:44,417 IT'S PERSONAL. 131 00:04:45,551 --> 00:04:47,754 ROSEMARY'S HERE TO SHARE SOME NEWS WITH HER BABY DADDY. 132 00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:49,789 NOW, DOES STAN -- IT'S "SATAN." 133 00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:50,590 SORRY. 134 00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:52,592 DOES SATAN KNOW WHY HE'S HERE TODAY? 135 00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:54,527 NO, LONNIE, HE HAS NO IDEA. 136 00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:55,862 WELL', LET'S BRING HIM OUT. 137 00:04:55,928 --> 00:04:57,230 SATAN. 138 00:04:57,296 --> 00:04:58,831 [ APPLAUSE ] THANK YOU. 139 00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:00,299 HI, SATAN, HOW ARE YOU? 140 00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:02,435 I'M DOING GREAT, LONNIE, AMAZING. 141 00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:04,604 I'M HERE WITH MY BEAUTIFUL BABY MAMA. 142 00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:07,340 NOW, SATAN, YOU AND ROSEMARY HAVE RAISED LITTLE ADRIAN 143 00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:08,141 TOGETHER. 144 00:05:08,207 --> 00:05:09,809 HAPPIEST YEARS OF MY LIFE, LONNIE. 145 00:05:09,876 --> 00:05:12,712 BUT WE PERFORMED A PATERNITY TEST, AND I HAVE THE RESULTS 146 00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:13,379 RIGHT HERE. 147 00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:14,480 SAY WHAT? 148 00:05:14,547 --> 00:05:16,215 SATAN, YOU...ARE... 149 00:05:16,282 --> 00:05:18,051 NOT THE FATHER. 150 00:05:18,117 --> 00:05:19,652 [ FOOSH! ] HOW COULD YOU? 151 00:05:19,719 --> 00:05:21,621 WHAT AM I GONNA TELL MEE-MAW?! 152 00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:22,789 COMING UP... 153 00:05:22,855 --> 00:05:25,124 JOSEPH, YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER OF MARY'S CHILD. 154 00:05:25,191 --> 00:05:26,626 AH! I TOLD YOU. 155 00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:28,294 I TOLD YOU THAT'S NOT MY KID. 156 00:05:28,361 --> 00:05:29,462 THAT'S NOT MY KID. 157 00:05:29,529 --> 00:05:31,564 LET'S MEET JESUS' REAL FATHER. 158 00:05:31,631 --> 00:05:32,298 GOD. 159 00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:34,167 [ BOOING ] YEAH. HEY, HEY, HEY. 160 00:05:34,233 --> 00:05:35,334 YOU DON'T KNOW ME. 161 00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:37,537 YOU DON'T KNOW ME. 162 00:05:37,603 --> 00:05:39,639 DID YOU JUST CHANGE BACK FROM A WEREWOLF? 163 00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:40,606 YEAH. 164 00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:43,876 YOU'VE BEEN LICKING YOUR BALLS, HAVEN'T YOU? 165 00:05:43,943 --> 00:05:45,978 WELL, THEY DON'T LICK THEMSELVES. 166 00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:48,915 OUR KIDS HAVE MADE A 180-DEGREE CHANGE, MS. POPPINS. 167 00:05:48,981 --> 00:05:49,949 HOW DO YOU DO IT? 168 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,085 OH, LET'S JUST SAY I HAVE MY SECRETS. 169 00:05:52,151 --> 00:05:52,719 TA-TA! 170 00:05:52,784 --> 00:05:53,419 SECRETS? 171 00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:54,987 I DON'T LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT. 172 00:05:55,054 --> 00:05:57,223 OH, THANK GOD WE BOUGHT THAT NANNY CAM. 173 00:05:57,290 --> 00:06:00,593 [ CLINK! ] A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR WILL 174 00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:01,828 HELP THIS GO DOWN. 175 00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:04,697 DID WE SAY SHE COULD MEDICATE THE CHILDREN? 176 00:06:04,764 --> 00:06:09,368 [ HUMMI ] DID SHE SAW A HOLE IN MY 177 00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:10,002 TABLE? 178 00:06:10,069 --> 00:06:11,571 THIS ROOM IS A MESS. 179 00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:14,173 OH, GREAT, AND SHE'S ALSO A WITCH. 180 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:16,309 HELLO, POLICE. 181 00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:19,112 [ BLADES WHIRRING ] OH, DEAR. 182 00:06:19,178 --> 00:06:19,946 LAND YOUR UMBRELLA! 183 00:06:20,012 --> 00:06:21,047 PUT YOUR HANDS OVER YOUR HEAD! 184 00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:21,881 NOW, JUST A MINUTE. 185 00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:22,648 NOW, BITCH, NOW! 186 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,150 SUCH LANGUAGE. 187 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,052 A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR WILL HELP THIS GO DOWN. 188 00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:27,153 SHE'S GOING FOR A GUN! 189 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,387 [ GUNSHOT ] [ LAUGHS ] 190 00:06:28,454 --> 00:06:30,356 OH, SOMETIMES A WARNING SHOT IS QUITE POLITE. 191 00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:31,190 AHHHH! 192 00:06:31,257 --> 00:06:33,993 BUT SOMETIMES, YOU GOT TO GROW A DICK. 193 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:34,927 AAH! 194 00:06:34,994 --> 00:06:37,730 [ PUMMEL! ] [ CRASH! ] [ PUNCH! ] [ SMACK! ] 195 00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:39,132 [ BOOM! ] [ Slurring ] HEY, WOODY. 196 00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:44,070 I GOT SOME WOOD FOR YOU TO PECK ON. 197 00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:49,709 [ ALL LAUGH ] WOODPECKER! 198 00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:51,144 FUCK YOU. 199 00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:57,082 THIS SCHOOL PLAY IS SO BORING. 200 00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:59,852 I WAS LITERALLY DAYDREAMING ABOUT THAT HORRIBLE DAY I SPENT 201 00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:01,254 FLY-FISHING WITH YOUR BROTHER. 202 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,054 SHH! 203 00:07:02,121 --> 00:07:03,656 YEAH, BABY, I'M KILLING IT TONIGHT! 204 00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:06,125 THE SEX WE'RE HAVING IS LITERALLY SO BAD THAT I'M 205 00:07:06,192 --> 00:07:09,028 DAYDREAMING ABOUT THE TIME YOU TOLD ME ABOUT FLY-FISHING DURING 206 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:12,899 THAT BORING SCHOOL PLAY. 207 00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:15,001 WHAT WERE YOU JUST THINKING, DEAR? 208 00:07:15,067 --> 00:07:17,203 WHAT COULD'VE MADE HIM KILL HIMSELF? 209 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,272 THINK I FIGURED IT OUT. 210 00:07:19,338 --> 00:07:23,442 I'M KNITTING A SWEATER FOR MY GRANDDAUGHTER. 211 00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:26,179 SHE'S PART OF A HUMAN CENTIPEDE. 212 00:07:26,245 --> 00:07:29,315 GENTLEMEN, IF WE PROPERLY RECONSTRUCTED THIS DNA, WE'RE 213 00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:32,752 ABOUT TO MEET THE FIRST DINOSAUR TO WALK THE EARTH IN 65 MILLION 214 00:07:32,819 --> 00:07:36,589 YEARS. 215 00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:40,159 [ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] [ THUD! ] 216 00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:42,161 [ THUD! ] [ THUD! ] 217 00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:44,497 WOW, RADICAL PLACE YOU GOT HERE, DUDE. 218 00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:47,567 SHOW ME THE NEAREST HALF-PIPE, 'CAUSE I'M A REBEL WITH A 219 00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:48,668 TOTALLY RUDE 'TUDE. 220 00:07:48,734 --> 00:07:51,637 [ GUNSHOT ] [ THUNK! ] 221 00:07:51,704 --> 00:07:53,406 BURN IT ALL. 222 00:07:53,472 --> 00:07:54,974 BURN IT ALL! 223 00:07:57,176 --> 00:08:03,282 [ UNZIP! ] AHH. 224 00:08:03,349 --> 00:08:04,283 HEY, WHAT'S UP? 225 00:08:04,350 --> 00:08:05,651 GATHER 'ROUND, JOES. 226 00:08:05,718 --> 00:08:07,286 OUR ORDERS JUST CAME THOUGH. 227 00:08:07,353 --> 00:08:09,622 WHAT'S COBRA UP TO THIS TIME, DUKE? 228 00:08:09,689 --> 00:08:10,890 NO, NOT COBRA. 229 00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:14,126 APPARENTLY WE'RE BEING DEPLOYED TO AFGHANISTAN. 230 00:08:14,193 --> 00:08:15,595 HMM. OKAY. 231 00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:16,796 YO, JOE? 232 00:08:16,863 --> 00:08:18,397 All: YO, JOE! 233 00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:21,033 WHO WANTS TO JUMP ON GOOGLE AND FIND OUT WHAT A "TALIBAN" 234 00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:21,400 IS? 235 00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:22,902 OH, OKAY. 236 00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:26,005 I WAS CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR COLORFUL UNIT TRAINING MY MEN, 237 00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:28,908 DUKE, UNTIL I HEARD ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH RUTHLESS 238 00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:30,076 TERRORIST ORGANIZATIONS. 239 00:08:30,142 --> 00:08:32,578 YOU CAN COUNT ON G.I. JOE TO KEEP A LOW PROFILE, COLONEL. 240 00:08:32,645 --> 00:08:34,914 NOW IF YOU COULD JUST POINT ME TOWARD THE LOCAL PETCO. 241 00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:37,750 SEEMS THE FLIGHT DIDN'T AGREE WITH OUR EXOTIC BIRDS. 242 00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:39,518 POLLY, WATCH THE EYES! 243 00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:40,686 AAH! OW! 244 00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:44,256 YOU SIMPLY KNOCK OUT AN ENEMY, THROW ON HIS CLOTHES, AND 245 00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:46,692 "AHOY, MATEY," YOU'RE UNDERCOVER. 246 00:08:46,759 --> 00:08:47,927 QUESTIONS ANYONE? 247 00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:48,661 ESTEVEZ? 248 00:08:48,728 --> 00:08:50,296 I'M NOT ESTEVEZ, SIR. 249 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:51,030 I'M HAMMOND. 250 00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:52,265 OH, OF COURSE. SORRY. 251 00:08:52,331 --> 00:08:53,366 I MEANT YOU, ESTEVEZ. 252 00:08:53,432 --> 00:08:54,533 I'M SANDERSON, SIR. 253 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,736 [ LAUGHS ] IT'S SO HARD TO TELL YOU GUYS 254 00:08:56,802 --> 00:08:58,571 APART WITH YOUR MATCHING UNIFORMS. 255 00:08:58,638 --> 00:09:00,740 WHERE'S ESTEVEZ? 256 00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:03,376 THERE IS NO ESTEVEZ. 257 00:09:03,442 --> 00:09:05,745 [ GUNSHOTS ] SON, YOU SHOOT LIKE THAT IN 258 00:09:05,811 --> 00:09:08,147 THE FIELD, AND YOUR ENEMY COULD END UP DEAD. 259 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:12,118 THE IDEA IS TO HERD THEM BACK TO THE ENEMY LINE, SAFE AND SOUND. 260 00:09:12,184 --> 00:09:15,021 HEY, THIS LASER RIFLE'S LOADED WITH BULLETS. 261 00:09:15,087 --> 00:09:17,290 [ SCOFFS ] AMATEUR HOUR, GUYS. 262 00:09:17,356 --> 00:09:20,893 INTEL IS SUGGESTING THE INSURGENTS ARE MASSING HERE, 263 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,028 HERE, AND HERE. 264 00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:24,363 'SCUSE ME, COLONEL, BUT SHOULDN'T WE BE MORE CONCERNED 265 00:09:24,430 --> 00:09:25,932 WITH THE ENEMY'S WEATHER DOMINATOR? 266 00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:27,600 IT'S ABOUT A MILLION DEGREES OUTSIDE. 267 00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:28,834 IT'S THE DESERT. 268 00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:31,003 WELL, THEN, SOME OTHER KIND OF DOMINATOR -- SAND DOMINATOR, 269 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:31,404 MAYBE. 270 00:09:31,470 --> 00:09:32,138 I DON'T KNOW. 271 00:09:32,204 --> 00:09:33,239 JUST SPITBALLING HERE. 272 00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:34,974 SIR, THE INSURGENTS ARE MOVING. 273 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:36,742 ALL RIGHT, SEND OUT A DIVISION. 274 00:09:36,809 --> 00:09:40,046 Y-O-O-O-O JO-O-O-E! 275 00:09:40,112 --> 00:09:43,516 [ SIGHS ] SEND OUT A DIVISION TO... 276 00:09:43,582 --> 00:09:44,784 ALL RIGHT, THIS IS IT. 277 00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:47,920 REMEMBER, KEEP YOUR HEADS, AND EVERYTHING WILL BE JUST -- 278 00:09:47,987 --> 00:09:48,854 THEY'RE SHOOTING AT US! 279 00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:50,523 OH, MY GOD, THEY'RE ACTUALLY SHOOTING AT US! 280 00:09:50,589 --> 00:09:51,123 AAH! 281 00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:52,625 GET OUT OF THE CHOPPER! 282 00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:58,230 AAH! [ SPLAT! ] MOVE, MOVE, MOVE. 283 00:09:58,297 --> 00:09:59,932 DOES ANYONE ELSE FEEL LIKE A DUMBASS RIGHT NOW? 284 00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:05,104 [ RAPID GUNFIRE ] YO-O-O-O JOE! 285 00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:06,739 OH, NO! 286 00:10:06,806 --> 00:10:07,807 GREAT JOB, TEAM. 287 00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:11,377 THOSE INSURGENTS WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT THEM. 288 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:12,578 GREAT JOB, TEAM. 289 00:10:12,645 --> 00:10:15,314 THOSE INSURGENTS DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HIT THEM. 290 00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:17,116 ALL RIGHT, TROOPS YOU GOT THEM NOW. 291 00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:17,717 HERD HIM. 292 00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:18,818 HERD HIM BACK TO THE LINE. 293 00:10:18,884 --> 00:10:19,752 GOOD JOB, TEAM. 294 00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:21,787 HE'LL BE TURNING TAIL ANY SECOND. 295 00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:24,090 [ BLAM! ] OH, IT'S A FUCKING MEAT 296 00:10:24,156 --> 00:10:25,358 GRINDER. 297 00:10:25,424 --> 00:10:28,728 WHO WILL PROTECT THE WORLD FROM COBRA AFTER WE'VE YO'd OUR LAST 298 00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:29,462 JOE? 299 00:10:29,528 --> 00:10:31,964 [ LAUGHS ] LOOK AT THOSE FOOLS. 300 00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:36,535 I KNEW THE JOES COULDN'T HANDLE THE RIGORS OF ACTUAL COMBAT. 301 00:10:36,602 --> 00:10:38,204 [ EXPLOSIONS, GUNFIRE ] WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? 302 00:10:38,270 --> 00:10:39,171 WE'RE IN THERE! 303 00:10:39,238 --> 00:10:40,206 GO, GO, GO, GO, GO! 304 00:10:40,272 --> 00:10:43,242 WHAT THE FUCK BITCH, PROTECT YOUR COMMANDER. 305 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,978 YOU WIN THIS DAY, SEAL TEAM 6. 306 00:10:46,045 --> 00:10:47,480 BUT NEXT TIME. 307 00:10:47,546 --> 00:10:50,583 [ GUNSHOT ] GOOD JOB, EVERY-- 308 00:10:50,649 --> 00:10:53,085 [ FARTS ] GOOD JOB, GOOD -- 309 00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:58,257 [ FARTING ] GOOD JOB, EVERYONE. 310 00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,426 ♪ BA-BOCK, BOCK, BOCK ♪ BA-BOCK, BOCK, BOCK 311 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,595 ♪ BA-BOCK, BOCK, BOCK-A BOCK-A ♪ BOCK, BOCK, BOCK 312 00:11:02,661 --> 00:11:04,663 ♪ BA-BOCK, BOCK, BOCK ♪ BA-BOCK, BOCK, BOCK 313 00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:06,832 ♪ BA-BOCK, BOCK, BOCK-A BOCK-A ♪ BOCK, BOCK, BOCK 314 00:11:06,899 --> 00:11:08,868 ♪ BA-BOCK, BOCK, BOCK ♪ BA-BOCK, BOCK, BOCK 315 00:11:08,934 --> 00:11:11,103 ♪ BA-BOCK, BOCK, BOCK-A BOCK-A ♪ BOCK, BOCK, BOCK 316 00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:12,338 BA-BOCK! 317 00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:15,141 BOCK. 318 00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:18,677 [ SPLASH! ]