WEBVTT
X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:9000
00:00:04.838 --> 00:00:07.841 line:10% position:35% size:50%
[ THUNDER CRASHING ]
[ DRILLING, SAWING ]
00:00:15.715 --> 00:00:17.717 line:10% position:10% size:63% align:start
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ]
00:00:18.017 --> 00:00:20.019 line:10% position:28% size:28%
IT'S ALIVE!
00:00:37.937 --> 00:00:39.372 line:85% position:50% size:73%
[ Austrian accent ] YES! YES!
00:00:39.439 --> 00:00:40.173 line:85% position:15% size:10%
YES!
00:00:40.240 --> 00:00:42.842 line:85% position:48% size:75%
IT TAKES TWO FOR OUT OF SIGHT!
00:00:44.444 --> 00:00:49.249 line:79% position:10% size:60% align:start
[ CRASHING, EXPLOSIONS ]
[ POWERING DOWN ]
00:00:49.315 --> 00:00:49.849 line:85% position:20% size:13%
D'OH!
00:00:49.916 --> 00:00:51.451 line:85% position:43% size:65%
DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT!
00:00:51.518 --> 00:00:54.020 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
I TOL YOU ROAD HEAD WAS A BAD
IDEA.
00:00:54.087 --> 00:00:54.921 line:85% position:35% size:43%
HELLO, EARTHLING.
00:00:54.988 --> 00:00:56.990 line:79% position:10% size:33% align:start
WE WERE ON --
OOOH!
00:00:57.056 --> 00:00:58.658 line:74% position:28% size:35%
WHY ARE YOU --
00:01:06.366 --> 00:01:08.668 line:79% position:43% size:65%
THIS IS STARTING...TO HURT
--OHH!
00:01:08.735 --> 00:01:11.871 line:10% position:45% size:70%
AND THAT'S WHAT I DID TO THE
FIRST ALIENS I FOUND.
00:01:11.938 --> 00:01:14.941 line:10% position:10% size:78% align:start
UNLESS YOU WANT SOME OF THE
SAME, YOU JUST BETTER MIND YOUR
00:01:15.008 --> 00:01:16.042 line:10% position:25% size:30%
P's AND Q's.
00:01:16.109 --> 00:01:17.510 line:10% position:25% size:25%
[ CRYING ]
[ SIGHS ]
00:01:17.577 --> 00:01:20.013 line:10% position:10% size:73% align:start
HONEY, DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE UP
SUCH HORRIBLE STORIES?
00:01:20.079 --> 00:01:22.048 line:10% position:35% size:48%
MARTHA, THAT BOY IS
INVULNERABLE.
00:01:22.115 --> 00:01:23.917 line:10% position:40% size:58%
I CAN'T JUST SPANK HIM.
00:01:23.983 --> 00:01:27.053 line:79% position:50% size:80%
[ Hispanic accent ] I DON'T
OFTEN DRINK BEER, BUT WHEN I DO,
00:01:27.120 --> 00:01:29.022 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
I USUALLY SUCK THREE OR FOUR
MALE PENISES.
00:01:29.088 --> 00:01:31.958 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
AND ON SEVERAL NONCONSECUTIVE
OCCASIONS, I'VE RUN OVER A PET.
00:01:32.025 --> 00:01:34.494 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
OH, AND ONCE, I RAPED MY OWN
UNCLE.
00:01:34.561 --> 00:01:40.333 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
THAT IS WHY I DON'T OFTEN DRINK
BEER.
00:01:40.400 --> 00:01:43.336 line:79% position:45% size:68%
EVEN THOUGH JANET IS NO
LONGER WITH US, SHE'S STILL
00:01:43.403 --> 00:01:44.471 line:85% position:33% size:45%
ALIVE IN MY HEART.
00:01:44.537 --> 00:01:45.972 line:85% position:43% size:63%
I LOVE YOU, MY BABY GIRL.
00:01:46.039 --> 00:01:49.876 line:79% position:50% size:80%
WE WILL NOW HEAR A FEW WORDS
FROM JANET'S FRIEND DIABLO CODY.
00:01:49.943 --> 00:01:52.078 line:85% position:50% size:73%
JANET WAS A HOLYMPIC ATHLETE.
00:01:52.145 --> 00:01:53.980 line:85% position:40% size:60%
AND HER SPORT? FLIRTING.
00:01:54.047 --> 00:01:55.949 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
WHEN WE HUNG OUT, IT WAS LIKE
FLIRT AND ERNIE.
00:01:56.015 --> 00:01:58.952 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
SCREW THE RECESSION -- THAT GIRL
WAS ALW IN BUSINESS.
00:01:59.018 --> 00:02:01.054 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
SHE WAS HOTTER THAN AN OVEN ON
THE SUN.
00:02:01.120 --> 00:02:03.990 line:79% position:45% size:70%
SHE WAS ALWAYS SEXTING THESE
INCREDIBLE HUNKS, LIKE JOSH.
00:02:04.057 --> 00:02:06.759 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
I THOUGHT HE WAS A HOMO-SKILLET,
BUT THAT'S BESIDES THE
00:02:06.826 --> 00:02:08.194 line:85% position:25% size:30%
TITO PUENTE.
00:02:08.261 --> 00:02:10.497 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
ON A SCALE OF ONE TO ZEN, JANET
WAS MY "B" TO THE DOUBLE "F"
00:02:10.563 --> 00:02:13.099 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
POWER, AND I'M GONNA MISS HER
LIKE DEMEANOR ELLIOT.
00:02:13.166 --> 00:02:15.401 line:79% position:10% size:55% align:start
YOU KNOW, JANET WAS MY
FASHIONISTA SISTER.
00:02:15.468 --> 00:02:16.870 line:85% position:43% size:65%
SHE HAD THIS ONE TUBE TOP.
00:02:16.936 --> 00:02:19.472 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
THE THING MADE HER LOOK LIKE A
PIXY STICK SMUGGLING
00:02:19.539 --> 00:02:21.975 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
VOLLEYBALLS SMUGGLING GRAPES
SMUGGLING CRAISINS.
00:02:22.041 --> 00:02:25.011 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
SO, PUT YOUR MITTS TOGETHER AND
MAKE SOME ALFRED.
00:02:25.078 --> 00:02:27.113 line:85% position:43% size:63%
ALFRED NOYES -- THE POET.
00:02:27.180 --> 00:02:28.114 line:85% position:30% size:40%
MAKE SOME NOISE.
00:02:28.181 --> 00:02:29.682 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
ALL RIGHT, I'M OUT LIKE SLAP
BRACELETS.
00:02:29.749 --> 00:02:31.351 line:79% position:10% size:63% align:start
PEACE IN THE MIDDLE YEAST
INFECTION.
00:02:31.417 --> 00:02:33.987 line:79% position:50% size:70%
[ ALL GASP ]
SHUT THE [BLEEP] UP ALREADY!
00:02:34.053 --> 00:02:36.122 line:85% position:48% size:73%
MOM, WHY IS DIABLO CODY HERE?
00:02:36.189 --> 00:02:38.224 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
DID YOU EVEN READ MY SUICIDE
NOTE?
00:02:38.291 --> 00:02:40.126 line:79% position:48% size:73%
[ UP-TEMPO '60s MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ CHUCKLES ]
00:02:40.193 --> 00:02:42.829 line:79% position:50% size:80%
MOST OF US WILL DIE IN VIETNAM,
BUT AT LEAST IT'LL TEACH AMERICA
00:02:42.896 --> 00:02:45.965 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
A VALUABLE LESSON ON FIGHTING
NEEDLESS WARS.
00:02:46.032 --> 00:02:51.738 line:10% position:50% size:80%
[ VIDEO-GAME THEME MUSIC PLAYS ]
ALL RIGHT.
00:02:51.804 --> 00:02:53.206 line:79% position:13% size:30% align:start
[ CHUCKLES ]
COME ON!
00:02:53.273 --> 00:02:53.773 line:85% position:18% size:8%
OH!
00:02:53.840 --> 00:02:54.541 line:85% position:18% size:8%
NO!
00:02:54.607 --> 00:02:56.376 line:85% position:35% size:50%
YOU CONTRA BASTARDS!
00:02:56.442 --> 00:02:57.577 line:85% position:38% size:55%
OR ARE WE THE CONTRAS?
00:02:57.644 --> 00:02:58.511 line:85% position:33% size:43%
I NEVER GOT THAT.
00:02:58.578 --> 00:02:59.979 line:79% position:25% size:28%
[ BEEPING ]
I'M BACK!
00:03:00.046 --> 00:03:01.347 line:85% position:45% size:65%
BLUE PANTS! YOU'RE ALIVE?!
00:03:01.414 --> 00:03:02.148 line:85% position:28% size:28%
I GUESS SO.
00:03:02.215 --> 00:03:03.249 line:85% position:38% size:53%
MAYBE WE'RE IMMORTAL.
00:03:03.316 --> 00:03:05.518 line:85% position:33% size:38%
LET'S FIND OUT.
00:03:05.585 --> 00:03:06.519 line:85% position:15% size:10%
AAH!
00:03:06.586 --> 00:03:09.455 line:79% position:48% size:73%
[ BEEPING ]
Both: "GROUNDHOG DAY" [BLEEP]
00:03:09.522 --> 00:03:12.058 line:79% position:50% size:70%
YOU WANT TO KILL ME, BUT YOU
CAN'T!
00:03:12.125 --> 00:03:14.260 line:79% position:48% size:73%
LOW HAND, HIGH HAND, AND POKE
YOU IN THE PEEPERS!
00:03:14.327 --> 00:03:15.261 line:85% position:35% size:45%
HEY, CHECK IT OUT.
00:03:15.328 --> 00:03:15.995 line:85% position:30% size:38%
GIVE ME A HAND.
00:03:16.062 --> 00:03:18.598 line:85% position:43% size:63%
OOH! BOOM ON YOUR HELMET!
00:03:18.665 --> 00:03:22.001 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
♪ DOING THE RUNNING MAN
♪ RUNNING AS FAST AS I CAN
00:03:22.068 --> 00:03:23.169 line:85% position:33% size:38%
WALL OF SPIKES!
00:03:23.236 --> 00:03:24.170 line:85% position:38% size:48%
HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
00:03:24.237 --> 00:03:26.005 line:79% position:43% size:63%
EXCUSE ME, SOLDIER, I WAS
WONDERING --
00:03:26.072 --> 00:03:26.606 line:85% position:25% size:23%
OH, YEAH!
00:03:26.673 --> 00:03:27.206 line:85% position:28% size:33%
BOOM DIGGITY!
00:03:27.273 --> 00:03:28.041 line:85% position:28% size:28%
BALLSVILLE!
00:03:28.107 --> 00:03:29.475 line:85% position:43% size:60%
OH, YOUR PELLET HURT ME!
00:03:29.542 --> 00:03:31.077 line:79% position:48% size:75%
WELL, WE'LL SHOOT THAT ONE,
AND THAT ONE EXPLODES, AND THE
00:03:31.144 --> 00:03:33.179 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
OTHER ONE EXPLODES, AND WE'RE
LEFT WITH NOTHING.
00:03:33.246 --> 00:03:34.981 line:79% position:33% size:45%
WHY IS THIS BRIDGE
SELF-DESTRUCTIVE?
00:03:35.048 --> 00:03:35.815 line:85% position:30% size:33%
CHECK IT OUT.
00:03:35.882 --> 00:03:36.749 line:85% position:33% size:38%
THANK YOU, SIR.
00:03:36.816 --> 00:03:38.017 line:85% position:35% size:48%
MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?
00:03:38.084 --> 00:03:40.019 line:79% position:50% size:65%
A STRANGE MONSTER FOR THIS
INDUSTRIAL WASTELAND.
00:03:40.086 --> 00:03:42.488 line:85% position:43% size:58%
Both: GO, CONTRA-A-A-A!
00:03:42.555 --> 00:03:43.389 line:85% position:35% size:45%
HEY, CHECK IT OUT.
00:03:43.456 --> 00:03:44.991 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
OH, IS THIS A MESSAGE IN A
BOTTLE?
00:03:45.058 --> 00:03:46.025 line:85% position:35% size:50%
OH, NO -- A GRENADE!
00:03:46.092 --> 00:03:47.026 line:85% position:33% size:45%
OH, GRAB THE KIDS!
00:03:47.093 --> 00:03:48.995 line:79% position:10% size:50% align:start
WHAT ARE WE GONNA --
WAIT A MINUTE!
00:03:49.062 --> 00:03:51.564 line:79% position:35% size:50%
I'M IMMORTAL [BLEEP]
WAIT.
00:03:54.934 --> 00:03:55.635 line:85% position:15% size:10%
HEY.
00:03:55.702 --> 00:03:57.003 line:85% position:15% size:8%
NO!
00:03:57.070 --> 00:04:02.642 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
WHAT KIND OF SICK [BLEEP] GIVES
A MAN EXACTLY 30 LIVES?
00:04:02.709 --> 00:04:06.212 line:79% position:48% size:73%
[ BEEPING ]
YOU THINK A GROUP OF CHILDREN
00:04:06.279 --> 00:04:07.113 line:85% position:25% size:30%
CAN STOP ME?
00:04:07.180 --> 00:04:09.616 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
COME TASTE MY MAGIC AND KNOW
OBLIVION!
00:04:09.682 --> 00:04:12.185 line:79% position:50% size:78%
YOU MAY BE STRONGER, VENGER,
BUT WE'RE ON THE SIDE OF RIGHT,
00:04:12.251 --> 00:04:14.520 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
AND THAT MAKES THIS BATTLE AS
LOPSIDED AS YOUR HELMET.
00:04:14.587 --> 00:04:18.057 line:79% position:48% size:73%
MY HELMET? WHAT ARE YOU --
OH, YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
00:04:18.124 --> 00:04:23.262 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
I'VE ONLY HAD THIS HELMET FOR
TWO MONTHS.
00:04:23.329 --> 00:04:26.065 line:79% position:40% size:58%
Y-YOUR RUSE WON'T WORK,
VENGER.
00:04:26.132 --> 00:04:27.300 line:85% position:20% size:20%
FACE US!
00:04:27.367 --> 00:04:29.235 line:79% position:45% size:70%
WILL YOU SHUT UP AND HELP ME
LOOK FOR MY HORN?!
00:04:29.302 --> 00:04:30.670 line:85% position:50% size:80%
A-ARE ONE OF YOU STANDING ON IT?
00:04:30.737 --> 00:04:31.137 line:85% position:20% size:15%
UHH...
00:04:31.204 --> 00:04:32.005 line:85% position:23% size:20%
W-WHAT?!
00:04:32.071 --> 00:04:33.406 line:85% position:50% size:78%
HOW WOULD WE BE STANDING ON IT?
00:04:33.473 --> 00:04:35.008 line:85% position:38% size:50%
I DON'T KNOW, DIANA.
00:04:35.074 --> 00:04:37.410 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
BUT I DO KNOW THAT WHEN I LEFT
HOME THIS MORNING, I HAD TWO
00:04:37.477 --> 00:04:38.678 line:85% position:43% size:63%
[BLEEP] HORNS ON MY HEAD.
00:04:38.745 --> 00:04:39.946 line:85% position:35% size:50%
L-LOOK, I-I'M SORRY.
00:04:40.013 --> 00:04:42.315 line:79% position:43% size:65%
THE HELMET WAS A GIFT FROM
SOMEONE WHO ISN'T WITH US
00:04:42.382 --> 00:04:43.282 line:85% position:20% size:20%
ANYMORE.
00:04:43.349 --> 00:04:44.917 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
SO IF I'M FREAKING OUT, IT'S
JUST --
00:04:44.984 --> 00:04:45.718 line:85% position:23% size:18%
NO, NO.
00:04:45.785 --> 00:04:47.253 line:85% position:50% size:73%
WE'LL...HELP YOU LOOK FOR IT.
00:04:47.320 --> 00:04:48.254 line:85% position:33% size:38%
T-THANKS, GUYS.
00:04:48.321 --> 00:04:49.922 line:85% position:28% size:35%
JUST...THANKS.
00:04:53.092 --> 00:04:55.228 line:79% position:43% size:65%
TODAY, A BLOND, WHITE GIRL
WAS BRUTALLY MURDERED.
00:04:55.294 --> 00:04:57.096 line:85% position:40% size:58%
HOT, HOT FILM AT 11:00.
00:05:09.108 --> 00:05:14.247 line:79% position:38% size:53%
[ EERIE MUSIC PLAYS ]
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
00:05:14.313 --> 00:05:16.783 line:85% position:35% size:48%
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
00:05:16.849 --> 00:05:20.186 line:85% position:23% size:23%
AAAAAAAH!
00:05:20.253 --> 00:05:22.255 line:85% position:33% size:45%
WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
00:05:24.424 --> 00:05:26.225 line:85% position:18% size:15%
WELL?!
00:05:28.327 --> 00:05:31.264 line:85% position:45% size:70%
DO -- DO YOU WANT SOMETHING?
00:05:31.330 --> 00:05:32.965 line:85% position:23% size:23%
ANYTHING?
00:05:35.034 --> 00:05:37.370 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
WELL, I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY,
SO...
00:05:37.437 --> 00:05:41.541 line:79% position:10% size:55% align:start
[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]
SO...GOOD NIGHT.
00:05:41.607 --> 00:05:42.542 line:85% position:25% size:23%
OH, WHAT?
00:05:42.608 --> 00:05:44.610 line:85% position:50% size:80%
LIKE WE ALL HAVE TO BE ASSHOLES?
00:05:46.479 --> 00:05:51.951 line:79% position:13% size:58% align:start
[ WHIMPERS ]
YOU WILL PAY FOR COBRA!
00:05:52.018 --> 00:05:54.687 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
OR YOU CAN CHOOSE FROM
THIRD-PARTY HEALTH-INSURANCE
00:05:54.754 --> 00:05:56.222 line:85% position:43% size:65%
PLANS, BOTH PPOs AND HMOs.
00:05:56.289 --> 00:05:58.224 line:85% position:28% size:28%
All: COBRA!
00:05:58.291 --> 00:06:01.294 line:79% position:38% size:53%
[ LAUGHS MANIACALLY ]
[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
00:06:01.360 --> 00:06:03.730 line:85% position:35% size:50%
BEWARE, GOTHAM CITY.
00:06:03.796 --> 00:06:07.266 line:85% position:50% size:68%
NOTHING CAN STOP THE JOKER!
00:06:08.367 --> 00:06:15.908 line:79% position:13% size:73% align:start
[ CACKLES ]
[ SCUFFLING, BOTH SCREAMING ]
00:06:15.975 --> 00:06:17.977 line:79% position:28% size:33%
[ SCREAMING ]
[ SCREAMING ]
00:06:32.592 --> 00:06:33.326 line:85% position:18% size:8%
NO!
00:06:33.392 --> 00:06:34.660 line:85% position:48% size:75%
ONE MORE PUNCH WOULD KILL YOU.
00:06:34.727 --> 00:06:35.928 line:85% position:38% size:53%
AND I WON'T KILL YOU.
00:06:35.995 --> 00:06:37.930 line:85% position:50% size:63%
THAT SOMEHOW MEANS I WIN.
00:06:37.997 --> 00:06:41.868 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
I GO TO JAIL, ESCAPE, KILL
PEOPLE, GO TO JAIL, RINSE AND
00:06:41.934 --> 00:06:42.668 line:85% position:20% size:18%
REPEAT.
00:06:42.735 --> 00:06:43.836 line:85% position:50% size:68%
YES, IT'S AN ENDLESS CYCLE.
00:06:43.903 --> 00:06:46.472 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
BUT I'VE SWORN TO LET THE COURTS
DO THEIR WORK.
00:06:46.539 --> 00:06:48.074 line:85% position:25% size:28%
WHAT TO DO?
00:06:48.141 --> 00:06:50.343 line:85% position:25% size:30%
HMMMMMMMMMM.
00:06:50.409 --> 00:06:52.645 line:79% position:50% size:80%
AND DUE TO THE PERSUASIVE
TESTIMONY OF THE BATMAN -- THANK
00:06:52.712 --> 00:06:55.782 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
YOU, BATMAN -- THE COURT HAS
DECIDED UPON THE DEATH PENALTY.
00:06:55.848 --> 00:06:58.284 line:79% position:43% size:63%
IT'S, UH...IT'S OUT OF MY
HANDS.
00:06:58.351 --> 00:07:03.689 line:79% position:50% size:78%
MAURICE P. JOKER, FOR 2,391
COUNTS OF MURDER AND MANY OTHER
00:07:03.756 --> 00:07:07.226 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
CRIMES THAT SEEM MINOR NEXT TO
2,391 COUNTS OF MURDER, YOU HAVE
00:07:07.293 --> 00:07:09.228 line:85% position:40% size:60%
BEEN SENTENCED TO DEATH.
00:07:09.295 --> 00:07:10.997 line:85% position:40% size:60%
HAVE YOU ANY LAST WORDS?
00:07:11.063 --> 00:07:14.267 line:85% position:50% size:73%
I KNOW JESUS HAS FORGIVEN ME.
00:07:14.333 --> 00:07:15.301 line:85% position:33% size:38%
IS THAT A JOKE?
00:07:15.368 --> 00:07:17.036 line:79% position:20% size:20%
[ SOBS ]
NO!
00:07:17.103 --> 00:07:18.104 line:85% position:28% size:28%
HERE WE GO!
00:07:18.171 --> 00:07:21.274 line:79% position:43% size:63%
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ]
[ SCREAMING ]
00:07:21.340 --> 00:07:23.009 line:85% position:35% size:43%
THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
00:07:23.075 --> 00:07:28.314 line:79% position:40% size:58%
[ SCREAMING CONTINUES ]
[ ALL GASP ]
00:07:28.381 --> 00:07:29.415 line:85% position:50% size:68%
KEEP GOING UNTIL HE'S DEAD.
00:07:29.482 --> 00:07:32.385 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
IT WOULD BE MONSTROUS TO STOP
NOW.
00:07:32.451 --> 00:07:35.288 line:85% position:45% size:63%
[BLEEP] YOU, DORK KNIGHT!
00:07:41.928 --> 00:07:45.064 line:79% position:35% size:48%
[ SCREAMING STOPS ]
D'OH! OH! UH-OH!
00:07:45.131 --> 00:07:49.235 line:79% position:35% size:48%
[ CRACKLING STOPS ]
AAAAAAH!
00:07:49.302 --> 00:07:52.305 line:79% position:38% size:55%
[ ALL SCREAM ]
OH, I-I-I DIDN'T KNOW.
00:07:52.371 --> 00:07:54.707 line:85% position:33% size:45%
I-I...DIDN'T KNOW.
00:07:54.774 --> 00:07:57.243 line:85% position:20% size:13%
WAIT.
00:07:57.310 --> 00:07:58.845 line:85% position:20% size:20%
BUT WHY?
00:07:58.911 --> 00:08:01.380 line:85% position:28% size:30%
FOR BARBARA.
00:08:04.984 --> 00:08:05.818 line:79% position:13% size:25% align:start
[ LAUGHS ]
HUH?
00:08:05.885 --> 00:08:06.619 line:85% position:23% size:18%
AAAAAH!
00:08:06.686 --> 00:08:10.456 line:79% position:13% size:30% align:start
[ CHUCKLES ]
"EEEEEE!"
00:08:10.523 --> 00:08:12.325 line:85% position:43% size:58%
GO, GORDON! GO, GORDON!
00:08:12.391 --> 00:08:15.561 line:79% position:48% size:75%
THIS IS HAL LEXINGTON FOR THE
8:00 NEWS, SAYING HAVE A GREAT
00:08:15.628 --> 00:08:17.163 line:85% position:45% size:70%
NIGHT, AND [BLEEP] YOU, DAD.
00:08:17.230 --> 00:08:18.865 line:85% position:25% size:30%
[BLEEP] YOU.
00:08:18.931 --> 00:08:19.866 line:85% position:30% size:33%
OH, COMPUTER!
00:08:19.932 --> 00:08:22.134 line:79% position:10% size:60% align:start
YOUR REAL NAME SHOULD BE
"PORN FUNNEL."
00:08:22.201 --> 00:08:25.104 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
I LOVE MY FAMILY MORE THAN YOU,
BUT ONLY COLLECTIVELY.
00:08:25.171 --> 00:08:28.040 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
ON A CASE-BY-CASE BASIS, I LOVE
YOU MORE THAN ANY...
00:08:28.107 --> 00:08:31.310 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
[ YAWNS ]
...INDIVIDUAL FAMILY MEMBER.
00:08:31.377 --> 00:08:33.379 line:85% position:23% size:25%
IT'S TRUE.
00:08:38.584 --> 00:08:40.753 line:79% position:10% size:30% align:start
[ GASPS ]
OH, MY GOSH.
00:08:40.820 --> 00:08:42.855 line:85% position:40% size:60%
I'M INSIDE THE COMPUTER!
00:08:42.922 --> 00:08:45.057 line:79% position:40% size:58%
WE MUST FIGHT THE
MASTER-CONTROL PROGRAM.
00:08:45.124 --> 00:08:46.125 line:79% position:23% size:23%
[ GASPS ]
WOW!
00:08:46.192 --> 00:08:48.461 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
YOU'RE THE TOPLESS GIRL FROM
"CADDYSHACK"!
00:08:48.527 --> 00:08:49.295 line:85% position:25% size:25%
I AM YORI.
00:08:49.362 --> 00:08:50.696 line:85% position:40% size:55%
YOU'RE LACEY UNDERALL!
00:08:50.763 --> 00:08:52.932 line:79% position:10% size:60% align:start
[ LAUGHS ]
UNDERALLS ARE STOCKINGS.
00:08:52.999 --> 00:08:54.600 line:85% position:35% size:50%
GOOD PUN, MR. RAMIS.
00:08:58.437 --> 00:08:59.071 line:85% position:20% size:20%
DANG IT!
00:08:59.138 --> 00:09:00.606 line:85% position:25% size:23%
YOU FOOL!
00:09:00.673 --> 00:09:02.875 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
IN MY REAL LIFE, I'M A COMPUTER
PROGRAMMER, SO I HAVE A HUGE
00:09:02.942 --> 00:09:04.577 line:85% position:30% size:38%
ADVANTAGE HERE.
00:09:04.644 --> 00:09:08.748 line:79% position:50% size:80%
BUT YOU THROW A FRISBEE LIKE
A COMPUTER PROGRAMMER, SO THAT'S
00:09:08.814 --> 00:09:09.682 line:85% position:23% size:25%
NOT GREAT.
00:09:09.749 --> 00:09:13.719 line:79% position:10% size:58% align:start
[ Echoing ] WE LOST OUR
FRISBEES!
00:09:13.786 --> 00:09:16.055 line:85% position:50% size:68%
OH, DOES THAT MEAN WE TIED?
00:09:19.592 --> 00:09:21.093 line:85% position:35% size:48%
COOL! A GLOW STICK!
00:09:21.160 --> 00:09:23.329 line:85% position:50% size:78%
WE CAN PRETEND WE'RE AT A RAVE!
00:09:23.396 --> 00:09:26.832 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
[ IMITATING TECHNO MUSIC ]
HEY, LADIES.
00:09:26.899 --> 00:09:29.335 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
[ IMITATING TECHNO MUSIC ]
LET'S DRINK SOME SHOTS!
00:09:29.402 --> 00:09:31.971 line:85% position:38% size:50%
UGH. PLEASE SHUT UP.
00:09:32.038 --> 00:09:34.307 line:85% position:50% size:65%
OH, MY GOSH! LIGHT CYCLES!
00:09:34.373 --> 00:09:36.242 line:85% position:28% size:35%
YES! YES! YES!
00:09:36.309 --> 00:09:37.944 line:85% position:38% size:53%
IT'S TRUE! IT'S TRUE!
00:09:38.010 --> 00:09:40.379 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
YOU REALLY CAN PEE YOUR PANTS
AND HAVE AN ERECTION AT THE SAME
00:09:40.446 --> 00:09:41.814 line:85% position:18% size:13%
TIME!
00:09:41.881 --> 00:09:42.615 line:85% position:25% size:28%
LOOK AT ME!
00:09:42.682 --> 00:09:45.017 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
I'M THE OPENING CREDITS TO
"FRASIER."
00:09:45.084 --> 00:09:49.422 line:79% position:43% size:63%
♪ SCRAMBLED EGGS
YOU'RE SCREWED NOW, NERD!
00:09:49.488 --> 00:09:51.023 line:85% position:48% size:73%
OUR LIGHT CYCLES NEVER CRASH!
00:09:51.090 --> 00:09:52.224 line:85% position:28% size:28%
OH, REALLY?
00:09:52.291 --> 00:09:53.960 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
TRY INSTALLING THIRD-PARTY
SOFTWARE OF ANY KIND.
00:09:54.026 --> 00:09:55.728 line:79% position:50% size:63%
I'M DOWNLOADING SHAREWARE
RIGHT NOW.
00:09:55.795 --> 00:09:57.063 line:85% position:23% size:25%
AAAAAAAGH!
00:09:57.129 --> 00:10:02.401 line:79% position:48% size:73%
[ TIRES SCREECH ]
GOODBYE, EVIL STAPLE REMOVER!
00:10:02.468 --> 00:10:03.235 line:85% position:18% size:13%
WHOA!
00:10:03.302 --> 00:10:05.471 line:85% position:45% size:68%
THE MASTER-CONTROL PROGRAM!
00:10:05.538 --> 00:10:07.173 line:85% position:35% size:43%
BEHOLD, OUTSIDER.
00:10:07.239 --> 00:10:09.141 line:85% position:43% size:65%
BEHOLD HOW HIGH-TECH I AM.
00:10:09.208 --> 00:10:11.577 line:85% position:35% size:45%
UH, WELL, I GUESS.
00:10:11.644 --> 00:10:14.246 line:79% position:43% size:65%
I MEAN --
WHY, IT WOULD TAKE NOTHING
00:10:14.313 --> 00:10:16.882 line:79% position:10% size:68% align:start
SHORT OF PING-PONG BALLS TO
DEFEAT ME!
00:10:16.949 --> 00:10:19.585 line:79% position:50% size:68%
[ BEEP ]
OH, YEAH, I FORGOT HOW MUCH
00:10:19.652 --> 00:10:21.620 line:85% position:48% size:73%
THIS PART OF THE GAME SUCKED.
00:10:21.687 --> 00:10:23.589 line:79% position:25% size:28%
[ BEEPING ]
OH, NO!
00:10:23.656 --> 00:10:25.624 line:85% position:43% size:63%
ARE YOU SOME KIND OF GOD?
00:10:25.691 --> 00:10:26.993 line:85% position:23% size:20%
I GUESS.
00:10:27.059 --> 00:10:29.061 line:79% position:43% size:63%
COMPUTERS WILL STILL RULE
HUMANS ONE DAY.
00:10:29.128 --> 00:10:32.598 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
OR, AT THE VERY LEAST, COMPUTERS
WILL REALLY ANNOY HUMANS ONE
00:10:32.665 --> 00:10:33.899 line:85% position:15% size:10%
DAY.
00:10:33.966 --> 00:10:35.401 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL THAT
ANNOYING KID WITH THE DANDRUFF
00:10:35.468 --> 00:10:37.970 line:79% position:50% size:73%
FROM HIGH SCHOOL FINDS YOU ON
FACEBOOK AND BUGS YOU TO PLAY
00:10:38.037 --> 00:10:40.573 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
KNOCKOFF SCRABBLE TWICE A DAY,
AND YOU'LL KIND OF GET HOOKED ON
00:10:40.639 --> 00:10:43.309 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
IT, AND THEN A LEGAL BATTLE WILL
MAKE THEM YANK THE GAME DOWN,
00:10:43.376 --> 00:10:45.978 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
JUST WHEN YOUR SCORES WERE
REALLY STARTING TO KICK ASS, AND
00:10:46.045 --> 00:10:47.580 line:79% position:10% size:58% align:start
THEN --
[ BEEPING INTENSIFIES ]
00:10:47.646 --> 00:10:50.716 line:79% position:10% size:25% align:start
[ CHOKES ]
YOU WIN.
00:10:50.783 --> 00:10:51.684 line:85% position:18% size:10%
YES!
00:10:51.751 --> 00:10:54.086 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
I AM NOW THE MASTER OF ALL
COMPUTERS!
00:10:54.153 --> 00:10:56.188 line:85% position:50% size:78%
BRING ON THE ENDLESS FREE PORN!
00:10:56.255 --> 00:10:58.524 line:85% position:43% size:60%
YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND.
00:10:58.591 --> 00:11:00.926 line:79% position:38% size:53%
[ BEEP ]
OH, YEAH, I FORGOT --
00:11:00.993 --> 00:11:03.095 line:85% position:23% size:25%
IT'S 1982.
00:11:03.162 --> 00:11:05.798 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
SO, LACEY UNDERALL, I DON'T
SUPPOSE YOU WANT TO PLAY STRIP
00:11:05.865 --> 00:11:06.899 line:85% position:35% size:48%
POKER FOR REALSIES?
00:11:06.966 --> 00:11:09.468 line:79% position:13% size:48% align:start
[ CHUCKLES ]
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK
00:11:09.535 --> 00:11:12.038 line:10% position:10% size:78% align:start
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
00:11:12.104 --> 00:11:13.806 line:10% position:10% size:48% align:start
BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK
00:11:13.873 --> 00:11:16.409 line:10% position:10% size:78% align:start
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
00:11:16.475 --> 00:11:18.077 line:10% position:10% size:48% align:start
BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK
00:11:18.144 --> 00:11:20.613 line:10% position:10% size:78% align:start
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
00:11:20.679 --> 00:11:22.181 line:10% position:10% size:35% align:start
BAWK BAWK ♪
BA-GAWK! BAWK.