WEBVTT X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:9000 00:00:04.971 --> 00:00:08.942 line:10% position:35% size:50% [ THUNDER CRASHING ] 00:00:09.008 --> 00:00:10.944 line:10% position:35% size:50% [ DRILLING, SAWING ] 00:00:16.049 --> 00:00:18.051 line:10% position:43% size:63% [ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] 00:00:18.118 --> 00:00:19.953 line:10% position:28% size:35% >> IT'S ALIVE! 00:00:42.208 --> 00:00:43.810 line:85% position:50% size:78% >> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE 00:00:43.877 --> 00:00:46.246 line:85% position:50% size:78% RISE FOR THE BEST 60 SECONDS IN 00:00:46.312 --> 00:00:47.580 line:85% position:35% size:48% TELEVISION HISTORY. 00:00:47.647 --> 00:00:49.582 line:85% position:45% size:70% [ CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING ] 00:00:52.585 --> 00:00:55.121 line:85% position:33% size:45% [ BEEP, WHIRRING ] 00:00:55.188 --> 00:00:57.891 line:85% position:23% size:25% >> AAAAAH! 00:00:57.957 --> 00:01:01.795 line:85% position:43% size:63% >> [ LAUGHS CONFIDENTLY ] 00:01:01.861 --> 00:01:03.263 line:85% position:23% size:25% [ GRUNTS ] 00:01:03.329 --> 00:01:06.099 line:85% position:23% size:25% [ POINK! ] 00:01:06.166 --> 00:01:08.768 line:85% position:25% size:28% [ BEEPING ] 00:01:08.835 --> 00:01:10.770 line:85% position:33% size:45% [ ENGINE REVVING ] 00:01:20.847 --> 00:01:22.615 line:85% position:35% size:48% [ NINJAS SHOUTING ] 00:01:27.187 --> 00:01:29.122 line:85% position:23% size:23% >> AAAAH! 00:01:41.901 --> 00:01:43.837 line:85% position:33% size:43% [ BUZZER SOUNDS ] 00:01:47.740 --> 00:01:49.175 line:85% position:48% size:73% >> OKAY, LORRAINE, LET'S MEET 00:01:49.242 --> 00:01:50.076 line:85% position:28% size:33% YOUR SUITORS. 00:01:50.143 --> 00:01:51.878 line:85% position:50% size:80% BACHELOR NUMBER ONE IS A PEEPING 00:01:51.945 --> 00:01:52.545 line:85% position:15% size:10% TOM. 00:01:52.612 --> 00:01:53.813 line:85% position:43% size:63% BACHELOR NUMBER TWO IS AN 00:01:53.880 --> 00:01:54.881 line:85% position:33% size:43% ATTEMPTED RAPIST. 00:01:54.948 --> 00:01:56.516 line:85% position:45% size:70% AND BACHELOR NUMBER THREE IS 00:01:56.583 --> 00:01:57.951 line:85% position:28% size:33% YOUR OWN SON. 00:01:58.017 --> 00:02:00.954 line:85% position:38% size:55% >> I'M BECOMING A NUN. 00:02:01.020 --> 00:02:02.088 line:85% position:45% size:68% >> HEY, THANKS FOR PLAYING, 00:02:02.155 --> 00:02:03.590 line:85% position:18% size:15% MARTY. 00:02:04.824 --> 00:02:06.426 line:85% position:25% size:28% [ TINGLE! ] 00:02:06.493 --> 00:02:08.061 line:85% position:50% size:78% >> MY SPIDER SENSE IS TINGLING, 00:02:08.127 --> 00:02:08.695 line:85% position:23% size:23% BUT WHY?! 00:02:08.761 --> 00:02:09.996 line:85% position:40% size:60% IS IT THE GREEN GOBLIN?! 00:02:10.063 --> 00:02:10.997 line:85% position:35% size:50% >> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ] 00:02:11.064 --> 00:02:11.798 line:85% position:30% size:38% >> THE LIZARD?! 00:02:11.865 --> 00:02:12.532 line:85% position:28% size:33% >> [ HISSES ] 00:02:12.599 --> 00:02:13.766 line:85% position:43% size:65% >> AUNT MAY HAVING ANOTHER 00:02:13.833 --> 00:02:14.300 line:85% position:20% size:20% STROKE?! 00:02:14.367 --> 00:02:15.668 line:85% position:28% size:35% >> [ MOANING ] 00:02:15.735 --> 00:02:16.936 line:85% position:35% size:50% [ RECORD SCRATCHES ] 00:02:17.003 --> 00:02:20.507 line:85% position:33% size:43% >> NOTHING? OKAY. 00:02:20.573 --> 00:02:21.508 line:85% position:23% size:25% [ CHOKES ] 00:02:21.574 --> 00:02:23.910 line:85% position:38% size:55% OH, THE MILK WENT BAD. 00:02:23.977 --> 00:02:27.347 line:85% position:43% size:63% UM, THANKS, SPIDER SENSE? 00:02:27.413 --> 00:02:28.348 line:85% position:25% size:28% [ TINGLE! ] 00:02:28.414 --> 00:02:30.416 line:85% position:48% size:73% UH-OH, SPIDER SENSE TINGLING! 00:02:30.483 --> 00:02:32.318 line:85% position:38% size:53% [ CHILDREN LAUGHING ] 00:02:32.385 --> 00:02:34.287 line:85% position:45% size:70% [ BACKUP INDICATOR BEEPING ] 00:02:34.354 --> 00:02:35.321 line:10% position:38% size:55% [ LAUGHING CONTINUES ] 00:02:35.388 --> 00:02:37.891 line:10% position:38% size:53% OH, NO -- THOSE KIDS! 00:02:37.957 --> 00:02:38.892 line:10% position:23% size:25% [ SCOFFS ] 00:02:38.958 --> 00:02:41.427 line:10% position:48% size:75% YOU TINGLED ME OVER A PUDDLE?! 00:02:41.494 --> 00:02:43.429 line:85% position:45% size:68% [ TINGLE! TINGLE! TINGLE! ] 00:02:46.599 --> 00:02:48.234 line:85% position:35% size:50% >> FACE IT, TIGER... 00:02:48.301 --> 00:02:49.469 line:85% position:38% size:55% YOU'RE GONNA GET LAID. 00:02:49.536 --> 00:02:50.637 line:85% position:35% size:50% >> [ Thinking ] YES! 00:02:50.703 --> 00:02:52.338 line:85% position:50% size:80% AFTER TONIGHT, THE VULTURE CAN'T 00:02:52.405 --> 00:02:53.840 line:85% position:45% size:70% CALL ME A VIRGIN EVER AGAIN! 00:02:53.907 --> 00:02:54.574 line:85% position:25% size:28% [ TINGLE! ] 00:02:54.641 --> 00:02:55.675 line:85% position:35% size:48% NO, NO! SHOO, SHOO! 00:02:55.742 --> 00:02:57.343 line:85% position:50% size:78% COME ON, LET ANOTHER PART OF ME 00:02:57.410 --> 00:02:58.311 line:85% position:30% size:40% TINGLE FOR ONCE! 00:02:58.378 --> 00:03:00.813 line:85% position:18% size:15% UH-OH! 00:03:00.880 --> 00:03:02.415 line:85% position:23% size:25% [ CRYING ] 00:03:03.850 --> 00:03:04.617 line:85% position:25% size:28% [ TINGLE! ] 00:03:04.684 --> 00:03:06.319 line:85% position:45% size:70% [ GROANS ] BE MORE SPECIFIC! 00:03:06.386 --> 00:03:07.854 line:85% position:40% size:60% OF COURSE I'M IN DANGER! 00:03:07.921 --> 00:03:09.455 line:85% position:43% size:65% I'M HUNDREDS OF FEET ABOVE 00:03:09.522 --> 00:03:11.791 line:85% position:28% size:33% MANHAT-- UGH! 00:03:11.858 --> 00:03:12.425 line:85% position:25% size:28% [ TINGLE! ] 00:03:12.492 --> 00:03:13.159 line:85% position:23% size:23% WHATEVER. 00:03:13.226 --> 00:03:14.360 line:85% position:48% size:73% >> WELL, MR. PARKER, IT LOOKS 00:03:14.427 --> 00:03:15.595 line:85% position:43% size:65% LIKE YOU BROKE YOUR ANKLE. 00:03:15.662 --> 00:03:17.096 line:85% position:50% size:80% ALSO, X-RAYS SHOW A TUMOR AT THE 00:03:17.163 --> 00:03:18.531 line:85% position:50% size:78% BASE OF YOUR SKULL THAT IS, FOR 00:03:18.598 --> 00:03:19.999 line:85% position:50% size:80% LACK OF A BETTER WORD, TINGLING. 00:03:20.066 --> 00:03:21.334 line:85% position:45% size:70% >> REMOVE IT. REMOVE IT NOW. 00:03:21.401 --> 00:03:22.802 line:85% position:45% size:68% [ TINGLE! TINGLE! TINGLE! ] 00:03:22.869 --> 00:03:23.536 line:85% position:25% size:30% [ FLATLINE ] 00:03:23.603 --> 00:03:25.838 line:85% position:48% size:73% >> TIME OF DEATH -- 3:47 P.M. 00:03:27.173 --> 00:03:30.910 line:85% position:43% size:63% [ MELODIC MUSIC PLAYING ] 00:03:30.977 --> 00:03:32.278 line:85% position:43% size:65% >> I'M GONNA MAKE IT RAIN! 00:03:32.345 --> 00:03:34.280 line:85% position:38% size:55% [ ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ] 00:03:44.924 --> 00:03:46.693 line:85% position:50% size:80% >> SO, I TOLD THE OOMPA-LOOMPAS, 00:03:46.759 --> 00:03:48.494 line:85% position:50% size:78% "COME LIVE WITH ME IN PEACE AND 00:03:48.561 --> 00:03:49.963 line:85% position:43% size:63% SAFETY, AWAY FROM ALL THE 00:03:50.029 --> 00:03:51.164 line:85% position:35% size:48% WANGDOODLES AND THE 00:03:51.230 --> 00:03:53.566 line:85% position:48% size:75% HORNSWOGGLERS AND SNOZZWANGERS 00:03:53.633 --> 00:03:56.569 line:85% position:45% size:70% AND ROTTEN VERNICIOUS KNIDS. 00:03:58.471 --> 00:03:59.405 line:85% position:28% size:33% >> [ LAUGHS ] 00:03:59.472 --> 00:04:01.107 line:85% position:33% size:45% [ BIRDS CHIRPING ] 00:04:01.174 --> 00:04:03.076 line:85% position:25% size:30% >> AAAAAAAH! 00:04:03.142 --> 00:04:04.110 line:85% position:33% size:43% [ WOMAN SCREAMS ] 00:04:04.177 --> 00:04:06.112 line:85% position:40% size:58% [ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] 00:04:09.616 --> 00:04:13.152 line:85% position:30% size:38% [ BABY CRYING ] 00:04:13.219 --> 00:04:15.421 line:85% position:33% size:45% >> AND 5, 6, 7, 8! 00:04:15.488 --> 00:04:17.890 line:85% position:43% size:63% ♪ OOMPA-LOOMPA, DOOPITY ♪ 00:04:17.957 --> 00:04:18.925 line:85% position:28% size:33% ARMS, PEOPLE! 00:04:18.992 --> 00:04:21.928 line:85% position:48% size:75% IT'S ALL IN THE ARMS! COME ON! 00:04:21.995 --> 00:04:23.630 line:85% position:30% size:40% ♪ OOMPA-LOOMPA ♪ 00:04:23.696 --> 00:04:24.697 line:85% position:38% size:55% HEY, YOU -- YOU THERE! 00:04:24.764 --> 00:04:25.531 line:85% position:35% size:50% [ RECORD SCRATCHES ] 00:04:25.598 --> 00:04:26.299 line:85% position:28% size:35% OH, I'M SORRY. 00:04:26.366 --> 00:04:28.368 line:85% position:48% size:73% IS THIS DANCE TOO CHALLENGING 00:04:28.434 --> 00:04:29.135 line:85% position:20% size:20% FOR YOU? 00:04:29.202 --> 00:04:30.303 line:85% position:28% size:35% ARE YOU TIRED? 00:04:30.370 --> 00:04:32.538 line:85% position:33% size:45% YOU FEELING FAINT? 00:04:32.605 --> 00:04:33.239 line:85% position:33% size:43% [ SNAPS FINGERS ] 00:04:33.306 --> 00:04:34.440 line:85% position:48% size:75% WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE A LOAD 00:04:34.507 --> 00:04:34.941 line:85% position:23% size:25% OFF, OKAY? 00:04:35.008 --> 00:04:36.509 line:85% position:23% size:23% >> AAAAH! 00:04:36.576 --> 00:04:37.276 line:85% position:25% size:28% [ GUNSHOT ] 00:04:37.343 --> 00:04:38.411 line:85% position:50% size:80% >> ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, HERE WE GO 00:04:38.478 --> 00:04:39.045 line:85% position:18% size:15% AGAIN. 00:04:39.112 --> 00:04:40.580 line:85% position:40% size:60% THIS TIME, WITH FEELING! 00:04:40.647 --> 00:04:42.782 line:85% position:30% size:38% AND 5, 6, 7, 8! 00:04:42.849 --> 00:04:44.117 line:85% position:50% size:78% >> WELCOME BACK TO "UNWRAPPED." 00:04:44.183 --> 00:04:45.351 line:85% position:48% size:73% YOU KNOW, NEARLY EVERYONE HAS 00:04:45.418 --> 00:04:46.719 line:85% position:50% size:80% ENJOYED AN ICE-CREAM SUNDAE ON A 00:04:46.786 --> 00:04:48.554 line:85% position:50% size:80% HOT DAY, BUT THE ORIGINS OF THIS 00:04:48.621 --> 00:04:50.123 line:85% position:48% size:73% TASTY TREAT MAY JUST SURPRISE 00:04:50.189 --> 00:04:50.890 line:85% position:15% size:10% YOU. 00:04:50.957 --> 00:04:52.225 line:85% position:50% size:78% IT'S COMMONLY ACCEPTED THAT THE 00:04:52.291 --> 00:04:53.960 line:85% position:50% size:80% SUNDAE WAS INVENTED IN EVANSTON, 00:04:54.027 --> 00:04:55.795 line:85% position:38% size:53% ILLINOIS, CIRCA 1890. 00:04:55.862 --> 00:04:57.597 line:85% position:48% size:75% WE WENT TO DR. PETER YARBOURGH 00:04:57.664 --> 00:04:58.798 line:85% position:35% size:48% FOR THE REAL SCOOP. 00:04:58.865 --> 00:05:01.034 line:85% position:50% size:80% >> HERE'S HOW [BLEEP] DUMB THESE 00:05:01.100 --> 00:05:02.368 line:85% position:50% size:78% [BLEEP] HEADS IN ILLINOIS WERE. 00:05:02.435 --> 00:05:03.736 line:85% position:50% size:80% THE ICE-CREAM SODA HAD JUST BEEN 00:05:03.803 --> 00:05:04.337 line:85% position:23% size:23% INVENTED. 00:05:04.404 --> 00:05:05.204 line:85% position:38% size:53% TEENAGERS LIKED THEM. 00:05:05.271 --> 00:05:06.372 line:85% position:45% size:68% SO, THESE [BLEEP] RELIGIOUS 00:05:06.439 --> 00:05:07.707 line:85% position:50% size:78% NUMBNUTS SAT AROUND JACKING OFF 00:05:07.774 --> 00:05:08.875 line:85% position:45% size:68% IN CHURCH ALL DAY, THINKING 00:05:08.941 --> 00:05:10.143 line:85% position:48% size:75% ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY JUST HATED 00:05:10.209 --> 00:05:12.211 line:85% position:48% size:73% TEENAGERS AND DECIDED -- TRUE 00:05:12.278 --> 00:05:14.113 line:85% position:48% size:73% [BLEEP] STORY, PEOPLE -- THAT 00:05:14.180 --> 00:05:15.348 line:85% position:40% size:58% GOD THEREFORE MUST HATE 00:05:15.415 --> 00:05:16.282 line:85% position:30% size:40% ICE-CREAM SODAS. 00:05:16.349 --> 00:05:17.583 line:85% position:40% size:60% THAT'S RIGHT! [ LAUGHS ] 00:05:17.650 --> 00:05:19.052 line:85% position:45% size:70% THESE ILLINOIS [BLEEP] KNOBS 00:05:19.118 --> 00:05:20.620 line:85% position:48% size:75% CONCLUDED THAT GOD, CREATOR OF 00:05:20.687 --> 00:05:21.954 line:85% position:43% size:63% THE INFINITE UNIVERSE WHO 00:05:22.021 --> 00:05:23.556 line:85% position:50% size:78% PROBABLY HAD A TRILLION [BLEEP] 00:05:23.623 --> 00:05:25.058 line:85% position:48% size:73% BETTER THINGS TO DO, ACTUALLY 00:05:25.124 --> 00:05:26.993 line:85% position:45% size:68% HAD AN OPINION ABOUT MOTHER 00:05:27.060 --> 00:05:29.128 line:85% position:40% size:60% [BLEEP] ICE-CREAM SODAS! 00:05:29.195 --> 00:05:30.763 line:85% position:50% size:78% SO THE STATE OF ILLINOIS BANNED 00:05:30.830 --> 00:05:32.398 line:85% position:50% size:78% ICE-CREAM SODAS ON SUNDAYS, YOU 00:05:32.465 --> 00:05:33.933 line:85% position:48% size:73% KNOW, I GUESS SO GOD WOULDN'T 00:05:34.000 --> 00:05:35.468 line:85% position:48% size:73% MAKE IT RAIN CRICKETS OR SOME 00:05:35.535 --> 00:05:36.836 line:85% position:50% size:80% RIDICULOUS [BLEEP] HORSE [BLEEP] 00:05:36.903 --> 00:05:38.137 line:85% position:50% size:78% LONG STORY SHORT, EVERY SUNDAY, 00:05:38.204 --> 00:05:39.372 line:85% position:48% size:73% THE [BLEEP] ICE-CREAM STORES, 00:05:39.439 --> 00:05:40.707 line:85% position:50% size:78% THEY'D JUST -- TA DA! -- THEY'D 00:05:40.773 --> 00:05:41.941 line:85% position:48% size:73% JUST LEAVE OUT THE SODA PART, 00:05:42.008 --> 00:05:43.209 line:85% position:48% size:75% AND THESE ILLINOIS [BLEEP] SAT 00:05:43.276 --> 00:05:44.410 line:85% position:45% size:70% AROUND, JACKED OFF, THINKING 00:05:44.477 --> 00:05:45.745 line:85% position:50% size:78% ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY HAD PLEASED 00:05:45.812 --> 00:05:46.913 line:85% position:45% size:68% THEIR INVISIBLE MASTER, WHO 00:05:46.979 --> 00:05:48.214 line:85% position:50% size:78% LIVES ON A [BLEEP] FLYING CLOUD 00:05:48.281 --> 00:05:49.348 line:85% position:43% size:65% OR WHEREVER THE [BLEEP] HE 00:05:49.415 --> 00:05:50.049 line:85% position:18% size:15% LIVES! 00:05:50.116 --> 00:05:51.651 line:85% position:45% size:70% THAT'S HOW ICE-CREAM SUNDAES 00:05:51.718 --> 00:05:53.586 line:85% position:48% size:73% WERE INVENTED -- DUMB [BLEEP] 00:05:53.653 --> 00:05:56.155 line:85% position:33% size:45% ILLINOIS ASSHOLES! 00:05:56.222 --> 00:05:58.191 line:85% position:38% size:53% >> UP NEXT, SKITTLES. 00:05:58.257 --> 00:06:00.426 line:85% position:40% size:58% >> OH [BLEEP] SKITTLES! 00:06:00.493 --> 00:06:02.929 line:85% position:28% size:35% >> [ BARKING ] 00:06:02.995 --> 00:06:05.898 line:85% position:28% size:35% >> [ PANTING ] 00:06:05.965 --> 00:06:07.400 line:85% position:50% size:78% >> CAN'T WE TRY MISSIONARY JUST 00:06:07.467 --> 00:06:07.900 line:85% position:18% size:13% ONCE? 00:06:07.967 --> 00:06:09.302 line:85% position:30% size:38% >> [ WHIMPERS ] 00:06:09.368 --> 00:06:11.370 line:85% position:48% size:75% >> KRABBY PATTIES ARE MADE OUT 00:06:11.437 --> 00:06:12.205 line:85% position:23% size:23% OF CRABS! 00:06:12.271 --> 00:06:13.206 line:85% position:25% size:30% [ ALL GASP ] 00:06:13.272 --> 00:06:15.208 line:85% position:40% size:58% [ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] 00:06:15.274 --> 00:06:16.075 line:85% position:30% size:38% >> [ CHUCKLES ] 00:06:16.142 --> 00:06:17.577 line:85% position:48% size:73% EVERYONE KNOWS KRABBY PATTIES 00:06:17.643 --> 00:06:19.112 line:85% position:48% size:75% ARE ME FAMILY'S SECRET RECIPE, 00:06:19.178 --> 00:06:19.712 line:85% position:15% size:10% BOY. 00:06:19.779 --> 00:06:21.647 line:85% position:38% size:53% >> THEN EXPLAIN THIS! 00:06:21.714 --> 00:06:22.815 line:85% position:40% size:58% [ ALL GASP, MURMURING ] 00:06:22.882 --> 00:06:24.917 line:85% position:45% size:70% YOU SAID YOU FIRED CARL, THE 00:06:24.984 --> 00:06:27.120 line:85% position:48% size:75% NIGHT JANITOR, BUT THIS IS HIS 00:06:27.186 --> 00:06:28.488 line:85% position:20% size:18% TATTOO! 00:06:28.554 --> 00:06:31.124 line:85% position:48% size:73% >> YOU LITTLE YELLOW BASTARD! 00:06:31.190 --> 00:06:32.859 line:85% position:45% size:70% I TREATED YOU LIKE A SON, ME 00:06:32.925 --> 00:06:33.559 line:85% position:15% size:10% BOY! 00:06:33.626 --> 00:06:35.027 line:85% position:45% size:68% >> AND IT'S NOT JUST CRABS! 00:06:35.094 --> 00:06:37.230 line:85% position:50% size:78% SQUIDWARD, THOSE CALAMARI RINGS 00:06:37.296 --> 00:06:38.798 line:85% position:23% size:25% ARE SQUID! 00:06:38.865 --> 00:06:40.366 line:85% position:45% size:68% AND YOUR CHICKEN-OF-THE-SEA 00:06:40.433 --> 00:06:42.468 line:85% position:38% size:53% SALAD -- HA! -- TUNA! 00:06:42.535 --> 00:06:45.138 line:85% position:45% size:68% CHICKEN OF THE SEA IS TUNA! 00:06:45.204 --> 00:06:46.339 line:85% position:25% size:30% >> [ GASPS ] 00:06:46.405 --> 00:06:47.440 line:85% position:35% size:50% >> YOU FED US TO US! 00:06:47.507 --> 00:06:48.975 line:85% position:48% size:73% >> YOU LET US PAY YOU TO KILL 00:06:49.041 --> 00:06:49.575 line:85% position:15% size:10% US?! 00:06:49.642 --> 00:06:51.210 line:85% position:38% size:53% >> YOU'RE DISGUSTING! 00:06:51.277 --> 00:06:51.878 line:85% position:18% size:15% >> NO! 00:06:51.944 --> 00:06:53.079 line:85% position:43% size:65% I'M THE LAST HONEST MAN IN 00:06:53.146 --> 00:06:53.913 line:85% position:28% size:35% BIKINI BOTTOM! 00:06:53.980 --> 00:06:55.348 line:85% position:45% size:68% WE'RE ALL ANIMALS, BOYS AND 00:06:55.414 --> 00:06:56.115 line:85% position:18% size:15% GIRLS! 00:06:56.182 --> 00:06:57.483 line:85% position:50% size:80% EATING EACH OTHER IS WHAT NATURE 00:06:57.550 --> 00:06:58.117 line:85% position:23% size:23% INTENDED! 00:06:58.184 --> 00:07:00.019 line:85% position:30% size:38% [ ALL SHOUTING, 00:07:00.086 --> 00:07:01.687 line:85% position:33% size:43% PUNCHES LANDING ] 00:07:01.754 --> 00:07:03.122 line:85% position:40% size:60% >> I'M JUST GLAD NOTHING 00:07:03.189 --> 00:07:04.857 line:85% position:50% size:78% DISGUSTING HAPPENS TO A SPONGE. 00:07:04.924 --> 00:07:06.626 line:85% position:50% size:78% >> OKAY, JUST GOT TO SCRUB DEEP 00:07:06.692 --> 00:07:08.294 line:85% position:48% size:73% WITHIN YOUR ROLLS OF FAT, AND 00:07:08.361 --> 00:07:10.363 line:85% position:25% size:28% WE'RE DONE. 00:07:10.429 --> 00:07:13.332 line:85% position:48% size:75% I SAID NOTHING DISGUSTING EVER 00:07:13.399 --> 00:07:15.101 line:85% position:35% size:50% HAPPENS TO A SPONGE! 00:07:15.168 --> 00:07:16.702 line:85% position:50% size:80% >> UGH, I HOPE THAT'S PUDDING IN 00:07:16.769 --> 00:07:17.470 line:85% position:18% size:15% THERE. 00:07:17.537 --> 00:07:18.805 line:85% position:50% size:80% >> I SURE WAS LUCKY TO GET A JOB 00:07:18.871 --> 00:07:20.406 line:85% position:50% size:80% AFTER MY FIRST TWO NIGHTS AT THE 00:07:20.473 --> 00:07:23.543 line:85% position:20% size:20% MUSEUMS. 00:07:23.609 --> 00:07:26.946 line:85% position:28% size:33% OH, HELL, NO! 00:07:27.013 --> 00:07:30.149 line:85% position:48% size:75% >> TODAY, I CONSIDER MESELF... 00:07:30.216 --> 00:07:33.085 line:85% position:48% size:73% THE LOU GEHRIG-EST MAN ON THE 00:07:33.152 --> 00:07:35.388 line:85% position:33% size:45% FACE OF THE EARTH. 00:07:35.454 --> 00:07:37.390 line:85% position:33% size:45% [ ELEVATOR DINGS ] 00:07:40.860 --> 00:07:42.328 line:85% position:45% size:68% >> [ Thinking ] WELL, IF IT 00:07:42.395 --> 00:07:43.396 line:85% position:33% size:43% ISN'T THIS LOSER. 00:07:43.462 --> 00:07:44.163 line:85% position:28% size:33% SNARF, SNARF! 00:07:44.230 --> 00:07:45.198 line:85% position:50% size:78% >> [ Thinking ] OH, MAN, PLEASE 00:07:45.264 --> 00:07:46.165 line:85% position:43% size:63% DON'T LET THIS FOOL START 00:07:46.232 --> 00:07:46.866 line:85% position:28% size:35% TALKING TO ME. 00:07:46.933 --> 00:07:47.900 line:85% position:45% size:70% >> WHAT ARE YOU HIDING UNDER 00:07:47.967 --> 00:07:49.635 line:85% position:40% size:60% THAT POINTY HAT, FEEB -- 00:07:49.702 --> 00:07:51.637 line:85% position:38% size:55% HE-MAN'S SPRAY TANNER? 00:07:51.704 --> 00:07:52.471 line:85% position:28% size:33% SNARF, SNARF! 00:07:52.538 --> 00:07:54.140 line:85% position:48% size:75% >> THIS PATHETIC JACKASS CAN'T 00:07:54.207 --> 00:07:55.708 line:85% position:45% size:70% EVEN GO ONE SENTENCE WITHOUT 00:07:55.775 --> 00:07:56.876 line:85% position:35% size:50% SAYING HIS OWN NAME. 00:07:56.943 --> 00:07:59.645 line:85% position:43% size:63% >> NICE BATHROBE, DOUCHE! 00:07:59.712 --> 00:08:00.413 line:85% position:28% size:33% SNARF, SNARF. 00:08:00.479 --> 00:08:01.647 line:85% position:40% size:60% >> WHAT IF I HAD A VOCAL 00:08:01.714 --> 00:08:02.982 line:85% position:43% size:65% AFFECTATION THAT ANNOYING? 00:08:03.049 --> 00:08:04.350 line:85% position:45% size:68% HOPE IT DOESN'T RAIN TODAY. 00:08:04.417 --> 00:08:05.117 line:85% position:25% size:28% ORKO, ORKO! 00:08:05.184 --> 00:08:06.552 line:85% position:50% size:78% WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT? 00:08:06.619 --> 00:08:07.420 line:85% position:25% size:28% ORKO, ORKO! 00:08:07.486 --> 00:08:09.255 line:85% position:48% size:75% I'D END UP IN A SHALLOW GRAVE. 00:08:09.322 --> 00:08:09.956 line:85% position:20% size:20% ASSHOLE. 00:08:10.022 --> 00:08:10.690 line:85% position:23% size:23% >> SNARF. 00:08:10.756 --> 00:08:11.924 line:85% position:33% size:45% [ ELEVATOR DINGS ] 00:08:11.991 --> 00:08:14.060 line:85% position:20% size:18% OH, NO! 00:08:14.126 --> 00:08:16.062 line:85% position:45% size:68% NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! 00:08:16.128 --> 00:08:16.996 line:85% position:30% size:38% >> [ MUMBLING ] 00:08:17.063 --> 00:08:18.264 line:85% position:38% size:55% >> [ Aloud ] OH, OKAY. 00:08:18.331 --> 00:08:19.131 line:85% position:28% size:33% SNARF, SNARF. 00:08:19.198 --> 00:08:20.833 line:85% position:50% size:78% [ Thinking ] SPEAK ENGLISH, YOU 00:08:20.900 --> 00:08:21.868 line:85% position:23% size:23% HALF-WIT! 00:08:21.934 --> 00:08:23.502 line:85% position:28% size:33% SNARF, SNARF! 00:08:23.569 --> 00:08:25.104 line:85% position:43% size:65% >> [ Aloud ] UH-HUH, YEAH. 00:08:25.171 --> 00:08:25.838 line:85% position:18% size:15% I SEE. 00:08:25.905 --> 00:08:27.440 line:85% position:48% size:75% [ Thinking ] KILL ME, KILL ME, 00:08:27.506 --> 00:08:28.107 line:85% position:20% size:20% KILL ME. 00:08:28.174 --> 00:08:31.310 line:85% position:33% size:45% [ ELEVATOR DINGS ] 00:08:31.377 --> 00:08:32.445 line:85% position:45% size:70% >> [ Thinking ] [ MUMBLING ] 00:08:32.511 --> 00:08:33.212 line:85% position:23% size:23% OH, CRAP! 00:08:33.279 --> 00:08:34.347 line:85% position:50% size:78% DO NOT TURN AROUND, PLEASE, YOU 00:08:34.413 --> 00:08:35.114 line:85% position:30% size:38% SON OF A BITCH! 00:08:35.181 --> 00:08:36.182 line:85% position:45% size:68% OH, NO, DO NOT TURN AROUND! 00:08:36.249 --> 00:08:37.049 line:85% position:33% size:45% DON'T TURN AROUND! 00:08:37.116 --> 00:08:37.917 line:85% position:35% size:50% >> GLEEK, IT'S ME -- 00:08:37.984 --> 00:08:39.218 line:85% position:28% size:33% ANDY RICHTER! 00:08:39.285 --> 00:08:41.053 line:85% position:48% size:75% OH, SEEING YOU HERE REMINDS ME 00:08:41.120 --> 00:08:43.890 line:85% position:40% size:58% OF A GREAT CONAN STORY. 00:08:43.956 --> 00:08:47.393 line:85% position:40% size:58% [ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] 00:08:47.460 --> 00:08:48.861 line:85% position:28% size:33% >> [ LAUGHS ] 00:08:48.928 --> 00:08:51.264 line:85% position:28% size:33% >> [ SNIFFS ] 00:08:51.330 --> 00:08:52.865 line:85% position:40% size:58% A WONDERFUL DAY TO MAKE 00:08:52.932 --> 00:08:54.667 line:85% position:45% size:68% COOKIES -- COOKIES WITH THE 00:08:54.734 --> 00:08:56.235 line:85% position:40% size:58% FINEST INGREDIENTS, THE 00:08:56.302 --> 00:08:57.970 line:85% position:35% size:50% SMOOTHEST CHOCOLATE. 00:08:58.037 --> 00:08:58.871 line:85% position:23% size:25% [ SNIFFS ] 00:08:58.938 --> 00:09:00.806 line:85% position:45% size:70% OH, THAT I LIVED TO SEE THIS 00:09:00.873 --> 00:09:01.340 line:85% position:15% size:10% DAY. 00:09:01.407 --> 00:09:02.708 line:85% position:33% size:45% [ INHALES DEEPLY ] 00:09:02.775 --> 00:09:04.710 line:85% position:30% size:40% [ HORN BLOWING ] 00:09:11.584 --> 00:09:12.952 line:85% position:40% size:60% >> ARE YOU SURE, ERNEST? 00:09:13.019 --> 00:09:13.653 line:85% position:20% size:18% >> YES. 00:09:13.719 --> 00:09:15.154 line:85% position:45% size:70% LISTEN TO THE VOICE UPON THE 00:09:15.221 --> 00:09:15.855 line:85% position:18% size:13% WIND. 00:09:15.922 --> 00:09:19.325 line:85% position:45% size:70% YOU WILL KNOW IT TO BE TRUE. 00:09:19.392 --> 00:09:21.894 line:85% position:23% size:25% >> COOKIE. 00:09:21.961 --> 00:09:22.895 line:85% position:25% size:30% [ ALL GASP ] 00:09:22.962 --> 00:09:25.498 line:85% position:23% size:25% >> COOKIE! 00:09:25.564 --> 00:09:26.499 line:85% position:25% size:30% [ ALL GASP ] 00:09:26.565 --> 00:09:27.833 line:85% position:23% size:25% >> COOKIE! 00:09:27.900 --> 00:09:28.834 line:85% position:28% size:33% [ ALL SHOUT ] 00:09:28.901 --> 00:09:31.003 line:85% position:20% size:20% >> HOLD! 00:09:31.070 --> 00:09:34.006 line:85% position:40% size:60% >> [ ROARING, CHOMPING ] 00:09:34.073 --> 00:09:36.142 line:85% position:40% size:60% [ INDISTINCT SCREAMING ] 00:09:36.208 --> 00:09:37.977 line:85% position:20% size:20% >> HOLD! 00:09:38.044 --> 00:09:39.211 line:85% position:38% size:55% >> [ ROARING, CHOMPING 00:09:39.278 --> 00:09:39.879 line:85% position:23% size:25% CONTINUE ] 00:09:39.946 --> 00:09:41.580 line:85% position:33% size:43% [ WOMAN SCREAMS ] 00:09:41.647 --> 00:09:44.216 line:85% position:20% size:20% >> HOLD! 00:09:44.283 --> 00:09:45.251 line:85% position:38% size:53% I OWED THEM OVERTIME. 00:09:45.318 --> 00:09:46.319 line:85% position:38% size:55% [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ] 00:09:46.385 --> 00:09:47.586 line:85% position:45% size:68% >> UH, B-B-B-BUT YOU OWE ME 00:09:47.653 --> 00:09:50.823 line:85% position:50% size:78% OVERTIME, WHICH IS NO BIG DEAL. 00:09:50.890 --> 00:09:53.025 line:85% position:28% size:35% >> [ ROARING ] 00:09:53.092 --> 00:09:54.126 line:85% position:40% size:60% >> [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 00:09:54.193 --> 00:09:55.127 line:85% position:23% size:25% >> COOKIE! 00:09:55.194 --> 00:09:56.228 line:85% position:20% size:18% COOKIE! 00:09:56.295 --> 00:09:56.963 line:85% position:20% size:18% COOKIE! 00:09:57.029 --> 00:09:58.264 line:85% position:48% size:73% >> I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS! 00:09:58.331 --> 00:09:59.832 line:85% position:48% size:75% I JUST WANTED TO MAKE COOKIES! 00:09:59.899 --> 00:10:01.267 line:85% position:45% size:68% >> I'M MAKING COOKIES IN MY 00:10:01.334 --> 00:10:02.635 line:85% position:30% size:40% PANTS RIGHT NOW! 00:10:02.702 --> 00:10:04.303 line:85% position:40% size:60% THEY'RE SHAPED LIKE POO! 00:10:04.370 --> 00:10:04.837 line:85% position:15% size:10% AAH! 00:10:04.904 --> 00:10:08.607 line:85% position:23% size:25% >> COOKIE! 00:10:08.674 --> 00:10:11.177 line:85% position:23% size:25% [ GROWLS ] 00:10:11.243 --> 00:10:12.645 line:85% position:23% size:23% AGH! UNH! 00:10:12.712 --> 00:10:14.380 line:85% position:23% size:23% OHH! OHH! 00:10:14.447 --> 00:10:16.115 line:85% position:20% size:18% AAAAAH! 00:10:16.182 --> 00:10:17.516 line:85% position:50% size:78% >> NOW GIVE THE MONSTER WHAT HE 00:10:17.583 --> 00:10:17.917 line:85% position:18% size:15% WANTS! 00:10:17.984 --> 00:10:18.584 line:85% position:25% size:30% >> DIABETES? 00:10:18.651 --> 00:10:19.752 line:85% position:43% size:63% >> GOOD COMMENT ON MODERN 00:10:19.819 --> 00:10:20.987 line:85% position:45% size:68% CULTURE, BUT NO -- COOKIES! 00:10:21.053 --> 00:10:22.588 line:85% position:28% size:35% >> [ CHOKING ] 00:10:22.655 --> 00:10:23.689 line:85% position:35% size:48% >> FASTER, BUCKETS! 00:10:23.756 --> 00:10:24.623 line:85% position:30% size:40% PACK THAT FUDGE! 00:10:24.690 --> 00:10:25.992 line:85% position:43% size:63% PACK THAT FUDGE, DAMN IT! 00:10:26.058 --> 00:10:26.859 line:85% position:28% size:35% >> [ GIGGLES ] 00:10:26.926 --> 00:10:28.561 line:85% position:50% size:80% >> SAVE YOUR IMMATURITY FOR WHEN 00:10:28.627 --> 00:10:30.096 line:85% position:48% size:73% WE'RE NOT ABOUT TO BE KILLED, 00:10:30.162 --> 00:10:31.931 line:85% position:23% size:25% YOU IDIOT! 00:10:31.998 --> 00:10:33.666 line:85% position:33% size:45% [ GIGGLES ] FUDGE. 00:10:33.733 --> 00:10:36.135 line:85% position:50% size:78% >> COOKIE MONSTER CAN'T STOP -- 00:10:36.202 --> 00:10:38.237 line:85% position:43% size:65% CAN'T STOP EATING COOKIES! 00:10:38.304 --> 00:10:41.240 line:85% position:25% size:28% [ CHOKING ] 00:10:41.307 --> 00:10:42.808 line:85% position:30% size:40% [ ALL CHEERING ] 00:10:42.875 --> 00:10:43.642 line:85% position:25% size:30% >> [ CRIES ] 00:10:43.709 --> 00:10:45.378 line:85% position:50% size:78% THEY DIDN'T KNOW HE HAVE COOKIE 00:10:45.444 --> 00:10:46.112 line:85% position:23% size:25% ADDICTION! 00:10:46.178 --> 00:10:47.646 line:85% position:45% size:68% IT LIKE THEY FEED HEROIN TO 00:10:47.713 --> 00:10:48.314 line:85% position:20% size:18% JUNKIE! 00:10:48.381 --> 00:10:49.749 line:85% position:43% size:65% >> IT WAS A HOME INVASION! 00:10:49.815 --> 00:10:51.283 line:85% position:45% size:68% THEY ACTED IN SELF-DEFENSE! 00:10:51.350 --> 00:10:52.685 line:85% position:40% size:60% >> ORDER, PLEASE! ORDER! 00:10:52.752 --> 00:10:54.253 line:85% position:45% size:68% THE COURT FINDS IN FAVOR OF 00:10:54.320 --> 00:10:55.654 line:85% position:38% size:53% KEEBLER INCORPORATED! 00:10:55.721 --> 00:10:57.289 line:85% position:43% size:65% I GUESS THAT'S THE WAY THE 00:10:57.356 --> 00:10:58.424 line:85% position:30% size:40% COOKIE CRUMBLES. 00:10:58.491 --> 00:11:00.693 line:85% position:48% size:75% >> ME SON IS DEAD AND YOU MAKE 00:11:00.760 --> 00:11:01.360 line:85% position:18% size:13% PUN?! 00:11:01.427 --> 00:11:02.461 line:85% position:25% size:30% ME KILL YOU! 00:11:02.528 --> 00:11:04.096 line:85% position:35% size:50% ME [BLEEP] KILL YOU! 00:11:04.163 --> 00:11:06.098 line:85% position:23% size:23% [ ROARS ] 00:11:09.635 --> 00:11:10.803 line:10% position:40% size:60% >> ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ 00:11:10.870 --> 00:11:11.971 line:10% position:38% size:53% ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ 00:11:12.038 --> 00:11:13.439 line:10% position:50% size:78% ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK 00:11:13.506 --> 00:11:14.106 line:10% position:25% size:28% BAWK BAWK ♪ 00:11:14.173 --> 00:11:15.241 line:10% position:38% size:53% ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ 00:11:15.307 --> 00:11:16.242 line:10% position:38% size:53% ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ 00:11:16.308 --> 00:11:17.743 line:10% position:50% size:78% ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK 00:11:17.810 --> 00:11:18.411 line:10% position:25% size:28% BAWK BAWK ♪ 00:11:18.477 --> 00:11:19.478 line:10% position:38% size:53% ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ 00:11:19.545 --> 00:11:20.546 line:10% position:38% size:53% ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ 00:11:20.613 --> 00:11:22.081 line:10% position:50% size:78% ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK 00:11:22.148 --> 00:11:22.748 line:10% position:25% size:28% BAWK BAWK ♪ 00:11:22.815 --> 00:11:24.750 line:10% position:28% size:35% BA-GAWK! BAWK.