1
00:00:05,004 --> 00:00:15,915
[ THUNDER CRASHING ]
[ DRILLING, SAWING ]

2
00:00:15,982 --> 00:00:25,959
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ]
>> IT'S ALIVE!

3
00:00:26,025 --> 00:00:38,338
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ]
>> IT'S ALIVE!

4
00:00:38,405 --> 00:00:41,207
>> AND I WORRY ABOUT WHERE THIS
CULTURE IS HEADING.

5
00:00:41,274 --> 00:00:43,276
>> SHUT UP, YOU OLD BITCH!

6
00:00:44,744 --> 00:00:47,580
[ CLICK ]
>> ♪ GHOST WITH YOUR RIDE ♪

7
00:00:47,647 --> 00:00:51,951
♪ GHOST ON FIRE ♪
♪ GHOST WITH YOUR RIDE ♪

8
00:00:52,018 --> 00:00:54,788
♪ GHOST WITH YOUR RIDE ♪
♪ GHOST WITH YOUR RIDE ♪

9
00:00:54,854 --> 00:00:56,122
>> BUT WHY EARTH, JOR-EL?

10
00:00:56,189 --> 00:00:58,191
THEY'RE THOUSANDS OF YEARS
BEHIND US.

11
00:00:58,258 --> 00:00:59,793
>> HE WILL NEED THAT ADVANTAGE.

12
00:00:59,859 --> 00:01:03,830
AND I WILL INSTRUCT HIM, GUIDE
HIM, SEE MY LIFE THROUGH HIS

13
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:07,033
EYES AS HE WILL SEE IT THROUGH
MINE.

14
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:09,202
GOODBYE, MY SON.

15
00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:18,044
AND FOR SOME REASON, THEY PUT
THE BIG FORK ON THE INSIDE, NEXT

16
00:01:18,111 --> 00:01:19,245
TO THE SALAD FORK.

17
00:01:19,312 --> 00:01:23,483
SALAD IN GENERAL WILL BE
DISCUSSED LATER ON IN CHAPTER 9.

18
00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:28,455
[ SQUEAKING ]
CHAPTER 42 -- TIPPING.

19
00:01:28,521 --> 00:01:32,058
THIS IS OPEN TO DEBATE, AND
THERE'S NO REAL RIGHT ANSWER.

20
00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:36,795
BUT THE CONSENSUS IS 15% TO 20%.

21
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:40,767
AND THEN, OF COURSE, THERE'S THE
"DIRTY SANCHEZ."

22
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:44,270
THIS WAS A VERY POPULAR DANCE
MOVE ON KRYPTON, AND FROM WHAT I

23
00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:47,006
CAN TELL, THEY HAVE IT ON EARTH,
AS WELL.

24
00:01:47,073 --> 00:01:52,612
[ BEEP ]
TO CONTINUE, FLIP TO SIDE "B."

25
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:54,247
GOOD LUCK, MY SON.

26
00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:57,450
IF I'VE CALCULATED CORRECTLY,
YOU HAVE TRAVELED THROUGH

27
00:01:57,517 --> 00:02:01,221
12 GALAXIES TO LAND IN A SMALL
TOWN IN KANSAS, NEAR A ROAD

28
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:05,258
WHERE --
>> I LOVE BEING A WUZZLE!

29
00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:07,627
WE GET TO BE TWO ANIMALS AT
ONCE!

30
00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:10,530
TAKE ME -- I'M A BUMBLEBEE AND A
LION!

31
00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:12,732
>> AND I'M AN ELEPHANT AND A
KANGAROO.

32
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,001
>> YOU KNOW WHAT GROSSES ME OUT,
BUMBLELION?

33
00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:16,836
HOW'D YOUR PARENTS GET TOGETHER?

34
00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:19,839
[ BUZZING, THWACK! ]
>> OW! WHAT THE HELL?!

35
00:02:19,906 --> 00:02:22,242
YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST STING ME,
YOU LITTLE BUMBLEBEE?

36
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:23,943
WOW, YOU'RE CUTE, LITTLE
BUMBLEBEE.

37
00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:25,845
HUH, LITTLE CUTIE. COME HERE.

38
00:02:25,912 --> 00:02:27,780
[ MOANS ] OH, YEAH.

39
00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:29,048
OUCH, OHH, OUCH, OHH, OW!

40
00:02:29,115 --> 00:02:30,316
STING ME IN THE HOLE! OW!

41
00:02:30,383 --> 00:02:31,651
STING ME IN THE HOLE! OUCH!

42
00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:33,052
STING ME IN THE HOLE! OUCH!

43
00:02:33,119 --> 00:02:34,020
>> UGH!

44
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:36,022
I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT
ANYMORE.

45
00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:38,358
WHAT ABOUT YOU, ELEROO?

46
00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:40,627
>> NOW, THIS MIGHT HURT A
LITTLE.

47
00:02:40,692 --> 00:02:42,362
[ KANGAROO SHRIEKS,
ELEPHANT TRUMPETS ]

48
00:02:42,428 --> 00:02:43,062
>> UGH!

49
00:02:43,129 --> 00:02:44,664
HOW ABOUT YOU, DONKEYHUMAN?

50
00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:46,065
>> EEEE-AWWWW!

51
00:02:46,132 --> 00:02:48,468
AS FAR AS I KNOW --
>> ACTUALLY, I DON'T WANT TO

52
00:02:48,535 --> 00:02:48,935
KNOW.

53
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:49,836
>> UM, ME NEITHER.

54
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,304
UM, YEAH, I'M GOOD, I'M GOOD.

55
00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:54,107
>> WE'RE GONNA MISS YOU WHEN
YOU'RE IN JAPAN, JOSH!

56
00:02:54,173 --> 00:02:56,109
>> YEAH! WHICH ONE'S JOSH?

57
00:02:56,175 --> 00:03:00,146
ALL THE GUYS HERE KIND OF LOOK
LIKE THE SAME GENERIC DOUCHE.

58
00:03:00,213 --> 00:03:02,582
[ RUMBLING ]
[ ALL SCREAMING ]

59
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:05,952
[ CREATURE ROARS ]
>> [ ROARS ]

60
00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:12,759
>> WOW, THAT IS REALLY
TASTELESS.

61
00:03:12,825 --> 00:03:16,496
>> UH, IT'S ONLY BEEN EIGHT
YEARS SINCE 9/11, FOR GOD'S

62
00:03:16,563 --> 00:03:17,196
SAKE!

63
00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:18,631
>> WHAT ARE YOU THINKING, BRO?!

64
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,166
MAN! CAN ANYBODY ANSWER THAT?

65
00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:21,768
WHAT IS THAT MONSTER THINKING?

66
00:03:21,834 --> 00:03:27,407
>> [ ROARS ]
>> BOO! WAY TOO SOON, DUDE!

67
00:03:27,473 --> 00:03:29,008
>> TERRIBLE TASTE, MAN!

68
00:03:29,075 --> 00:03:31,244
>> BOO! TOO SOON!

69
00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:38,117
>> [ ROARS ]
[ ROARS ]

70
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:40,019
>> BOO!

71
00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:42,855
>> AW, YOU SAD BECAUSE THERE'S
NOTHING TO SMASH HERE?

72
00:03:42,922 --> 00:03:46,025
WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE IT WAS
ALREADY SMASHED!

73
00:03:46,091 --> 00:03:51,464
BY PEOPLE WHO HATE OUR FREEDOM!

74
00:03:51,531 --> 00:04:01,674
SO WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE IS
VERY, VERY OFFENSIVE!

75
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:02,642
>> WHAT'S IT DOING?

76
00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:07,246
>> IT'S DESECRATING THE SITE!

77
00:04:07,313 --> 00:04:08,448
>> NO, LOOK!

78
00:04:08,514 --> 00:04:13,419
IT'S DOING SOMETHING ELSE!

79
00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:21,494
[ ALL CHEER ]
>> HEY, "CLOVERFIELD" MONSTER!

80
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:30,637
>> [ GULPING ]
AHHHHHHH!

81
00:04:30,703 --> 00:04:32,138
>> I'LL TAKE THAT ONE.

82
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:38,611
[ BUZZING ]
[ WHOOSHING ]

83
00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:41,648
[ GLASS SHATTERS ]
>> WOW! ERIN ESURANCE!

84
00:04:41,714 --> 00:04:42,782
>> THAT'S RIGHT!

85
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:45,952
ESURANCE HANDLES YOUR INSURANCE
NEEDS, ALL ONLINE!

86
00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:46,986
JUST QUOTE...

87
00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:47,820
BUY...

88
00:04:47,887 --> 00:04:49,622
AND PRINT!

89
00:04:49,689 --> 00:04:51,524
WITH ESURANCE, YOU'RE ALWAYS
COVERED!

90
00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:54,260
[ GUN COCKS ]
>> HEY, WHAT ARE YOU --

91
00:04:54,327 --> 00:04:55,828
[ GUNSHOT ]
OW! WHAT THE [BLEEP]

92
00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:58,164
>> OH, SORRY, YOU HAVE A
FOUR-BULLET DEDUCTIBLE.

93
00:04:58,231 --> 00:04:59,098
>> I HAVE A WHAT?!

94
00:04:59,165 --> 00:05:01,234
[ GUNSHOT ]
>> YOU KEPT YOUR MONTHLY PREMIUM

95
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:03,136
LOW BY CHOOSING A HIGHER
DEDUCTIBLE.

96
00:05:03,202 --> 00:05:05,038
IT'S A RISK YOU HAD TO WEIGH UP
FRONT.

97
00:05:05,104 --> 00:05:06,272
[ GUNSHOT ]
>> AAAAAAH!

98
00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:07,473
I WANT TO CHANGE MY POLICY!

99
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:08,641
>> NO PROBLEM!

100
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:10,643
YOUR NEW POLICY WILL GO INTO
EFFECT THE FIRST OF THE MONTH!

101
00:05:10,710 --> 00:05:11,678
[ GUNSHOT ]
>> OHHHHH!

102
00:05:11,744 --> 00:05:15,148
>> THAT'S FOUR BULLETS!

103
00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:17,684
ANYTHING ELSE I CAN DO FOR YOU
TODAY?

104
00:05:17,750 --> 00:05:21,554
WELL, YOU'RE ALSO COVERED BY OUR
AWESOME LIFE INSURANCE, SO YOUR

105
00:05:21,621 --> 00:05:24,157
ELDERLY MOTHER IS IN FOR QUITE A
WINDFALL...

106
00:05:24,223 --> 00:05:26,759
OR SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN, IF YOU
HADN'T MISSED YOUR FEBRUARY

107
00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:27,827
PAYMENT.

108
00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:30,296
>> [ Gravelly voice ] IT'S YOUR
GREATEST FEAR.

109
00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:32,498
IT FILLS YOU WITH DREAD.

110
00:05:32,565 --> 00:05:36,169
>> AAAAAAAAH!!

111
00:05:36,235 --> 00:05:38,938
>> YOU FIND YOURSELF
SCREAMING...

112
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:43,242
[ Cheerful voice ] ..."WHO CAN I
CALL TO FIX THIS DRAIN?"

113
00:05:43,308 --> 00:05:44,677
EARL MCGARRY, THAT'S WHO!

114
00:05:44,744 --> 00:05:46,079
HE DOESN'T ASK QUESTIONS.

115
00:05:46,145 --> 00:05:47,380
>> HERE'S YOUR PROBLEM!

116
00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:49,649
YOU GOT ABOUT FOUR QUARTS OF
BLOOD IN HERE.

117
00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:52,151
TRIVIA FACT -- THAT'S HOW MUCH
THE HUMAN BODY HOLDS!

118
00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:53,119
>> HE'S EXPERIENCED!

119
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,220
>> HERE'S YOUR PROBLEM.

120
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:55,988
YOU'VE GOT A GHOULIE IN HERE.

121
00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:57,123
>> AND HE KNOWS HIS STUFF!

122
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,124
>> HERE'S YOUR PROBLEM.

123
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:00,059
YOU GOT GLENN CLOSE IN HERE!

124
00:06:05,998 --> 00:06:07,166
>> NOT BONDED BY THE STATE.

125
00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:09,869
>> COACH, WHY DO GIRLS HAVE TO
PLAY WITH A BALL THAT'S TWICE

126
00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:11,237
THE SIZE OF A NORMAL BASEBALL?

127
00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:14,373
>> BECAUSE GIRLS AREN'T VERY
STRONG OR COORDINATED.

128
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:20,446
>> ♪ BUM-BUM-BUM-BADA-BA-BA ♪
♪ BA-DA BA-BA BA ♪

129
00:06:20,513 --> 00:06:23,549
>> THIS SUMMER, ACTION HERO
NICOLAS CAGE STARS IN

130
00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:24,650
"REAR WINDOW 2."

131
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:27,386
>> CONFINED TO THE DAMN
WHEELCHAIR.

132
00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:31,057
[ INHALES, EXHALES DEEPLY ]
THIS ISN'T ME.

133
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:32,225
BABE-A-PALOOZA.

134
00:06:32,291 --> 00:06:34,594
HOT...DIGGITY DOG.

135
00:06:34,659 --> 00:06:37,363
UH-HUH. YEAH. DO IT RIGHT.

136
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:40,466
OH, WOW. THAT'S...NOT GOOD.

137
00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:46,172
[ GUN COCKS ]
[ TIRES SCREECH ]

138
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:49,575
LET'S ROLL.

139
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:57,582
[ TIRES SCREECH ]
HOW'S THAT FOR HANDICAP ACCESS?

140
00:06:57,650 --> 00:07:03,022
OH, WAIT, THERE'S SOMETHING ON
MY SHOE -- YOUR FACE, HYAH!

141
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:11,264
>> [ WHIMPERING ]
[ TIRES SCREECH ]

142
00:07:11,330 --> 00:07:15,535
>> OUT OF MY WAY, FAT MAN!

143
00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:25,511
[ BEEP, CHAIR ACCELERATES ]
>> AHH!

144
00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:27,380
[ TIRES SCREECH ]
>> HEY, KID.

145
00:07:27,446 --> 00:07:29,615
KEEP IT "WHEEL."

146
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:35,454
>> [ FARTS ]
[ SCRIBBLING ]

147
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:41,494
[ FARTS ]
[ WATER BUBBLING ]

148
00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:45,631
"'HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER
VACATION,' BY BOBBY McCORMICK."

149
00:07:45,698 --> 00:07:46,232
>> AAH!

150
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,667
YOU'RE DEAD MEAT, DORKWAD!

151
00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:49,902
>> OOH-EE-OOH!

152
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:51,170
>> I'M JASON CHAMBERS.

153
00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:54,207
YOU JUST SAW A CONVENTIONAL
WEDGIE, BUT TODAY ON

154
00:07:54,273 --> 00:07:58,077
"HUMAN WEAPON," WE REVEAL THE
SUPER WEDGIE KNOWN AS THE

155
00:07:58,144 --> 00:07:59,812
BRAZILIAN COVERED WAGON.

156
00:07:59,879 --> 00:08:02,081
THIS IS "HUMAN WEAPON."

157
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:05,151
THE AGGRESSOR GRABS SECURELY ON
THE ELASTIC STRAP OF THE

158
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,820
OPPONENT'S UNDERWEAR AND PULLS
DIRECTLY BACKWARD.

159
00:08:07,887 --> 00:08:08,988
>> YEEEOWWWW!

160
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:11,524
>> THIS MOVE MAXIMIZES THE
AMOUNT OF SLACK IN THE UNDERWEAR

161
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:13,726
FOR THE UPWARD THRUST.

162
00:08:17,296 --> 00:08:21,267
LASTLY, A FORWARD CURVING
MOTION LOOPS THE UNDERWEAR OVER

163
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:28,174
THE OPPONENT'S FOREHEAD, DRAWING
HIS HEAD BACK IN A PAINFUL ARCH.

164
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:29,308
HA HA!

165
00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:32,044
FIVE POUNDS MORE TENSILE
STRENGTH ON THOSE BVDs, AND THAT

166
00:08:32,111 --> 00:08:33,813
NERD'S NECK WOULD SNAP.

167
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:34,513
HA HA!

168
00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:36,883
I TRULY, TRULY HATE NERDS.

169
00:08:36,948 --> 00:08:40,119
>> DID SOME MOTHER [BLEEP] CALL
FOR A SAPPY SONG?

170
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:42,621
BECAUSE Y'ALL GOT THE DAMN
EXPERT.

171
00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:44,155
[ SCATS ]
[ To the tune of "What a

172
00:08:44,222 --> 00:08:47,260
Wonderful World" ]
♪ YOU SAW SMURFS FIGHTING

173
00:08:47,326 --> 00:08:51,764
SNORKS ♪
♪ FUMBLES DROPPED A BEER ♪

174
00:08:51,831 --> 00:08:57,570
♪ AND SOME UNLUCKY DORK ♪
♪ HE TURNED INTO A DEER ♪

175
00:08:57,637 --> 00:09:03,175
♪ AND IT OCCURS TO ME ♪
♪ THAT SEASON FOUR RULED ♪

176
00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:08,547
>> ♪ I SAW LOTS OF BOOBIES ♪
♪ AND ALMOST GOT LAID,

177
00:09:08,614 --> 00:09:11,951
HEE-HEE! ♪
>> ♪ I BANGED 20 BEAUTIES ♪

178
00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:15,388
>> AW, SNAP, NOW I GOT FELINE
AIDS!

179
00:09:15,454 --> 00:09:16,589
HOLLA!

180
00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:19,525
>> ♪ AND TO SUMMARIZE THINGS ♪
♪ SEASON FOUR WAS OFF THE

181
00:09:19,592 --> 00:09:23,195
CHAIN ♪
>> ♪ WE SAW GELFLINGS DROPPING

182
00:09:23,262 --> 00:09:24,797
RHYMES ♪
AND IT WAS SO AWESOME!

183
00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:27,366
>> ♪ SUPERHEROES LOOKING
CHUBBY ♪

184
00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:31,737
>> ♪ ALL THE TEARS I'VE CRIED ♪
>> ♪ I FOUGHT THE TERMINATOR

185
00:09:31,804 --> 00:09:34,607
PUPPY! ♪
>> ♪ AND I COGNITIVELY PROCESS

186
00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:36,943
THAT SEASON FOUR KICKED
UNDENIABLE ASS ♪

187
00:09:37,009 --> 00:09:39,312
TALKIN' ABOUT KARATE ON THAT
ASS.

188
00:09:39,378 --> 00:09:43,816
>> ♪ THERE WAS VIOLENCE GALORE ♪
>> ♪ FART JOKES, THERE WERE

189
00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:45,418
LOTS ♪
>> [ FARTING ]

190
00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:48,854
>> ♪ OH, WE TALLIED UP THE
SCORE! ♪

191
00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:51,790
>> ♪ THERE WERE 50 NUT SHOTS ♪
>> ♪ AND I'M TELEPATHICALLY

192
00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:54,427
GETTING THE MESSAGE COMING TO ME
RIGHT NOW THAT SEASON FOUR

193
00:09:54,493 --> 00:09:58,497
SMOKED YOU ALL OVER THE FACE ♪
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

194
00:09:58,564 --> 00:10:02,435
PRESIDENT OF ADULT SWIM,
MIKE LAZZO.

195
00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:08,207
[ UPBEAT CELTIC MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ "HAVA NAGILA" PLAYS ]

196
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:15,214
[ "CHARLESTON" PLAYS ]
[ "CHICKEN DANCE" PLAYS ]

197
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:20,453
[ DISCO MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> ♪ "Y-M-I-A" ♪

198
00:10:20,519 --> 00:10:26,492
[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ]

199
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:31,897
>> ♪ NO ONE KNOWS, NO ♪
>> ♪ HEY, "MACATRENA" ♪

200
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:35,801
[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> ♪ WHERE'S MY LOVE? ♪

201
00:10:35,868 --> 00:10:37,169
>> [ Breathing heavily ] OH!

202
00:10:37,236 --> 00:10:38,704
MAN! OHH!

203
00:10:38,771 --> 00:10:41,240
OH, BY THE WAY, YOU'RE CANCELED.

204
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:44,810
[ CACKLES ]
F.Y.I.

205
00:10:44,877 --> 00:10:46,645
>> HONEY, SELL THE TIME SHARE!

206
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:48,881
SELL THE TIME SHARE!

207
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:54,553
>> ♪ OH OH OH OH OH OH-OH ♪
♪ OH-OH-OH OH OH ♪

208
00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:57,356
♪ OHHH ♪
>> ♪ WHERE'S MY LOVE? ♪