1
00:00:04,971 --> 00:00:15,982
[ THUNDER CRASHING ]
[ DRILLING, SAWING ]

2
00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:26,025
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ]
>> IT'S ALIVE!

3
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:38,338
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ]
>> IT'S ALIVE!

4
00:00:38,405 --> 00:00:41,408
>> KIDS, I'VE ENLISTED THE HELP
OF SOME RAPPERS I FOUND ON THE

5
00:00:41,474 --> 00:00:44,511
CRAIGSLIST TO EXPLAIN EINSTEIN'S
THEORY OF RELATIVITY.

6
00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:45,779
SO, COME ON IN, GUYS.

7
00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:49,616
THIS IS THE CLASS.

8
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[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> ♪ I'M "E," WHAT UP? ♪

9
00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,789
>> ♪ AND I'M MC-SQUARED ♪
>> ♪ WE CAME TO RHYME, AND WE

10
00:00:55,855 --> 00:00:57,824
CAME PREPARED ♪
>> ♪ YO, I LIKE THIS BEAT THAT

11
00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:00,026
YOU'RE GIVIN' ME ♪
♪ NOW TELL ME THE THEORY OF

12
00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:02,395
RELATIVITY ♪
>> ♪ "E" STANDS FOR ENERGY,

13
00:01:02,462 --> 00:01:04,364
SUCKA FOOLS ♪
>> ♪ IT'S NOT MEASURED IN WATTS,

14
00:01:04,431 --> 00:01:07,033
BITCH, IT'S MEASURED IN JOULES ♪
>> ♪ LISTEN UP, CLASS, THE "M"

15
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:08,701
IS FOR MASS ♪
>> ♪ AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT,

16
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YOU CAN KISS MY ASS ♪
>> ♪ THE "C" STANDS FOR SPEED OF

17
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LIGHT IN A VACUUM ♪
>> ♪ SO BACK UP, HOES, AND GIVE

18
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US SOME ROOM ♪
>> ♪ AN INVARIANT MASS REQUIRES

19
00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:18,077
REST ENERGY WITHOUT A HITCH ♪
>> ♪ WHICH MADE NEWTON'S SECOND

20
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LAW AS IT APPEARS IN A
NONRELATIVISTIC CLASSICAL

21
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MECHANICS, BITCH ♪
[ RECORD SCRATCHES ]

22
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[ AIR WHOOSHING ]
>> EINSTEIN, MOTHER [BLEEP]

23
00:01:29,122 --> 00:01:31,758
>> YO, WE ALSO GOT ONE ABOUT
ALGEBRA.

24
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:32,826
>> YEAH.

25
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A-SQUARED TIMES B-SQUARED
EQUALS THESE NUTS, BITCH.

26
00:01:38,198 --> 00:01:43,803
>> [ WHISTLING ]
>> OW, OW, OOH, OW.

27
00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:45,939
GOD, THOSE THINGS ARE
ANUS-SHATTERING.

28
00:01:46,005 --> 00:01:47,640
UH, AAH, OH.

29
00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:49,908
OVERHEATED AGAIN?!

30
00:01:49,976 --> 00:01:52,212
YOU CHEAP LITTLE RICE-BURNER
PIECE OF CRAP.

31
00:01:52,277 --> 00:01:54,981
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME
ON, COME ON, COME ON.

32
00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:55,682
OH, YEAH.

33
00:01:55,747 --> 00:01:57,217
THAT'S A WEIRD TRAFFIC MARKING.

34
00:01:57,283 --> 00:02:02,856
WHOA! HOLY [BLEEP]
OOH, OH, OW, OW, OW.

35
00:02:02,922 --> 00:02:05,391
I CAN'T F-FEEL MY LEGS.

36
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:07,660
[ SIREN WAILING ]
OH, OH, THANK YOU.

37
00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:09,362
OH, OH, THANK YOU, BLESS YOU.

38
00:02:09,429 --> 00:02:10,964
I NEED TO GO TO A HOSPITAL.

39
00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:12,298
OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

40
00:02:12,365 --> 00:02:13,066
THANK YOU.

41
00:02:13,132 --> 00:02:16,436
OH, AAH, OH, AAH, OH.

42
00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:19,372
[BLEEP] THIS [BLEEP] GAME!

43
00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:20,507
>> UH-OH.

44
00:02:20,573 --> 00:02:22,509
MY WAR INJURY'S ACTING UP AGAIN.

45
00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:25,211
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
>> DO IT AGAIN, UNCLE GLEN.

46
00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:27,847
>> [ LAUGHS ]
MAYBE LATER.

47
00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:31,518
UNCLE GLEN NEEDS A BEER.

48
00:02:31,584 --> 00:02:34,554
[ GULPING ]
AHH.

49
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:35,355
W-WHAT THE...

50
00:02:35,421 --> 00:02:36,523
WHO ARE YOU?

51
00:02:36,589 --> 00:02:39,125
>> REMOVING YOUR FINGER --
THAT'S A GOOD POWER, UNCLE GLEN.

52
00:02:39,192 --> 00:02:40,727
I MUST HAVE IT.

53
00:02:40,793 --> 00:02:44,097
>> [ SCREAMS ]
>> KIDS, WHERE'S YOUR

54
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:49,636
UNCLE GLEN?

55
00:02:49,702 --> 00:02:50,870
>> WE DON'T KNOW, MAMA.

56
00:02:50,937 --> 00:02:52,105
>> HE'S GONE.

57
00:02:52,171 --> 00:02:54,974
>> OH, HE MUST BE HAVING ONE OF
HIS EXPLOSIVE-DIARRHEA ATTACKS

58
00:02:55,041 --> 00:02:55,508
AGAIN.

59
00:02:55,575 --> 00:02:56,910
>> [ FARTS ]
UH-OH.

60
00:02:56,976 --> 00:03:04,384
[ GURGLING, FARTING ]
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, THIS

61
00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:06,019
POWER BACKFIRES.

62
00:03:06,486 --> 00:03:07,921
>> I CAN SEE!

63
00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:10,957
OH, MAGOO, YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN.

64
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,560
WHAT ARE ALL THESE DRAGONS MADE
OF ME--

65
00:03:13,626 --> 00:03:16,563
[ HORN BLARES ]
>> [ GRUNTING ]

66
00:03:21,466 --> 00:03:23,102
>> [ GRUNTING ]
>> MY GOODNESS!

67
00:03:30,910 --> 00:03:32,712
FATHER, WHAT'S THAT?

68
00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:35,048
>> IT APPEARS TO BE A
JUNGLE-DWELLING APE-MAN.

69
00:03:35,114 --> 00:03:36,215
>> YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW.

70
00:03:36,281 --> 00:03:37,183
I MEANT THAT!

71
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:38,618
>> OH, THAT'S A PENIS.

72
00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:40,153
>> I THINK I LIKE PENIS.

73
00:03:40,219 --> 00:03:42,755
>> WELL, YOU ARE YOUR MOTHER'S
DAUGHTER.

74
00:03:42,822 --> 00:03:44,791
>> JANE. ME JANE.

75
00:03:44,857 --> 00:03:46,859
>> [ GRUNTS ]
JANE.

76
00:03:46,926 --> 00:03:48,861
>> THAT'S RIGHT! VERY GOOD!

77
00:03:48,928 --> 00:03:51,598
>> [ GRUNTS ]
JANE, JANE, JANE.

78
00:03:51,664 --> 00:03:53,600
[ GRUNTS ]
JANE.

79
00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:57,971
>> YES! MY NAME IS JANE!

80
00:03:58,037 --> 00:04:02,141
[ SCREAMS ]
>> ME SAVE YOU.

81
00:04:02,208 --> 00:04:08,314
[ BONES CRACKING ]
>> TARZAN, MY HERO.

82
00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:11,217
>> [ GROWLING ]
>> [ GASPS ]

83
00:04:11,284 --> 00:04:14,454
[ CRACK! ]
[ BUZZING ]

84
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,390
TARZAN, MY HERO.

85
00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:40,380
>> [ GROANING ]
AAAAHH!

86
00:04:44,817 --> 00:04:46,819
[ GROANING ]
OOH --

87
00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:58,965
AAAAHH!

88
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:00,933
[ GROANING ]
[ CRACK! ]

89
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:12,912
[ CLANG! ]
[ CRACK! ]

90
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:13,780
>> OOH!

91
00:05:13,846 --> 00:05:15,715
>> TARZAN, DON'T MOVE.

92
00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:17,850
I'LL GO GET YOU A DOCTOR.

93
00:05:17,917 --> 00:05:21,020
>> NO, JANE, HUMANS BAD.

94
00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:22,789
ME NO WANT DOCTOR.

95
00:05:22,855 --> 00:05:24,724
ME NO WANT JANE, NEITHER.

96
00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:27,493
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
YOU MEAN "EITHER," NOT --

97
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:28,895
>> ME FREAKING APE-MAN!

98
00:05:28,961 --> 00:05:29,996
ME NOT GIVE CRAP!

99
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:33,466
>> [ SOBBING ]
>> TARZAN NEVER SAW JANE AGAIN.

100
00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:36,402
HIS BROKEN BODY WAS MENDED BY
THE BEST JUNGLE MEDICINE THE

101
00:05:36,469 --> 00:05:38,071
APES COULD PROVIDE.

102
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:54,587
>> [ GROWLING ]
>> UH-OH.

103
00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:59,025
[ WAVES CRASHING ]
>> HMM.

104
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:02,695
I WONDER WHERE THE OCEAN IS
GOING.

105
00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:06,099
>> WE, THE JURY, FIND THE
DEFENDANT...DELIGHTFUL!

106
00:06:06,165 --> 00:06:08,101
>> WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

107
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:10,169
[ IRISH MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> I FLOSSED AND BRUSHED MY

108
00:06:20,012 --> 00:06:20,947
TEETH AGAIN.

109
00:06:21,013 --> 00:06:23,582
THEY SAY, "ONLY FLOSS THE ONES
YOU WANT TO KEEP."

110
00:06:23,649 --> 00:06:25,284
I ALWAYS LIKED THAT JOKE.

111
00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:28,020
THEN I SWISHED AROUND SOME
MOUTHWASH.

112
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KILLS GINGIVITIS.

113
00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:34,293
DAMN GINGIVITIS -- LEADING CAUSE
OF GUM DISEASE.

114
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,929
SAW AN OLD LADY TRYING TO CROSS
THE STREET.

115
00:06:36,996 --> 00:06:40,233
GRANDMA COULDN'T HAVE BEEN LESS
THAN 90 YEARS OLD.

116
00:06:40,299 --> 00:06:44,070
PROBABLY SEEN A LOT OVER THOSE
YEARS, LOTS OF STORIES TO TELL,

117
00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:45,772
AND A FAMILY THAT LOVES HER.

118
00:06:45,838 --> 00:06:47,440
LET ME HELP YOU OUT, GRANNY.

119
00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:50,308
[ TIRES SCREECH ]
STOPPED THE CARS TO MAKE SURE

120
00:06:50,376 --> 00:06:51,711
GRANNY COULD CROSS.

121
00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:52,979
I'M WALKING HERE.

122
00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:54,580
LOVE THAT LINE.

123
00:06:54,647 --> 00:06:58,584
THEN I SAW SOME PUSSY THAT MADE
MY HEART STOP.

124
00:06:58,651 --> 00:07:00,386
PUSSY WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TREE.

125
00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:03,022
>> [ MEOWS ]
>> A LITTLE KID CRYING FOR IT.

126
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,257
POOR KID.

127
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:07,460
PROBABLY NOT OLD ENOUGH TO TIE
HIS SHOES, AND HIS DAMN KITTEN'S

128
00:07:07,527 --> 00:07:08,861
LIFE IS IN MY HANDS.

129
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,229
HERE YOU GO, BUDDY.

130
00:07:10,296 --> 00:07:13,833
TIPPED THE BARISTA 5 BUCKS FOR
MY SOY LATTE.

131
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:15,234
THESE LATTES ARE GOOD.

132
00:07:15,301 --> 00:07:18,171
GOOD ENOUGH TO KILL FOR, BUT I'D
NEVER DO THAT.

133
00:07:18,237 --> 00:07:23,576
KILLING IS BAD, UNLESS YOU'RE
KILLING GINGIVITIS.

134
00:07:23,643 --> 00:07:25,645
[ BABY COOING ]
>> 18.

135
00:07:31,818 --> 00:07:32,485
19.

136
00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:34,787
AND 20, OR ONE SCORE.

137
00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:35,621
>> WHEW.

138
00:07:35,688 --> 00:07:37,890
>> GETTING A GOOD ASS-KICKING IN
HERE.

139
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:41,060
HEY, ROBERT E. LEE, WHERE DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE GOING?

140
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:48,501
WE STILL HAVE THREE SCORE AND
SEVEN KICKS TO THE BALLS TO GO.

141
00:07:48,568 --> 00:07:50,102
>> THIS IS A ROBBERY.

142
00:07:50,169 --> 00:07:53,172
FILL THIS BAG WITH
INCONSEQUENTIAL BILLS.

143
00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:55,441
>> WOW, I'M GETTING ROBBED BY
NICOLE RICHIE.

144
00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:56,409
>> SHH. SHUT UP.

145
00:07:56,475 --> 00:07:58,945
I WANT TO GO TO PRISON TO SAVE
MY FRIEND PARIS.

146
00:07:59,011 --> 00:07:59,946
>> FOR A ROBBERY?

147
00:08:00,012 --> 00:08:02,014
THEY MIGHT JUST FINE YOU FOR
THAT.

148
00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:04,550
>> GOOD POINT.

149
00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:06,118
>> STUPID CELEBRITY.

150
00:08:06,185 --> 00:08:07,987
ARMED ROBBERY AND MURDER?

151
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:10,489
YOU'LL BE LOCKED UP FOR 45 DAYS.

152
00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:12,058
>> AM I LOCKED UP?

153
00:08:12,124 --> 00:08:15,461
PERHAPS IT IS YOU WHO ARE LOCKED
UP, AND I AM TRULY --

154
00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:16,929
>> SHUT UP, YOU BITCH!

155
00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:18,231
GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

156
00:08:18,297 --> 00:08:19,732
AAH! SHE'S IN MY BRAIN!

157
00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:21,267
>> NICOLE, IS THAT YOU?

158
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:22,501
>> PARIS!

159
00:08:22,568 --> 00:08:25,872
I COULDN'T LET MY BEST BUD/MEAL
TICKET ROT IN JAIL, NOW, COULD

160
00:08:25,938 --> 00:08:26,239
I?

161
00:08:26,305 --> 00:08:26,939
WINK.

162
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:28,774
>> BUT NOW WE'RE BOTH LOCKED UP.

163
00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:29,876
>> DON'T WORRY.

164
00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:32,311
I HAD AN ESCAPE PLAN TATTOOED ON
ME.

165
00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:34,145
>> I RECOGNIZE THOSE SYMBOLS.

166
00:08:34,212 --> 00:08:35,715
>> THEY'RE WORDS, PARIS.

167
00:08:35,780 --> 00:08:37,316
>> WHAT?

168
00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:38,251
>> OH, YES!

169
00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:39,018
OH, YES!

170
00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:40,553
GIVE IT TO ME, GUARD.

171
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:42,154
OH, YEAH, THAT'S GOOD.

172
00:08:42,221 --> 00:08:43,556
OH, YOU'RE THE RIGHT GUARD.

173
00:08:43,623 --> 00:08:45,892
>> YEAH, THAT'S HOT, THAT'S HOT,
THAT'S HOT.

174
00:08:45,958 --> 00:08:48,561
>> YEAH, UNLOCK MY CELL, MY
VAGINA CELL.

175
00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:49,295
YEAH!

176
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:50,529
>> WHOO!

177
00:08:50,596 --> 00:08:52,865
THAT WAS GREAT, LADIES, BUT NOW
YOU GOT TO GO RIGHT BACK INTO

178
00:08:52,932 --> 00:08:55,268
YOUR --
[ GASPING ]

179
00:08:55,334 --> 00:09:04,944
[ COUGHING ]
>> HEY, I FORGOT TO USE THE

180
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:06,078
POISON.

181
00:09:06,145 --> 00:09:08,714
>> [ Whining ] OH, WHY DOES THAT
KEEP HAPPENING TO ALL MY

182
00:09:08,781 --> 00:09:09,582
BOYFRIENDS?

183
00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:11,684
>> YOU SHOULD REALLY SEE A
GYNECOLOGIST.

184
00:09:11,751 --> 00:09:14,020
>> WE NOW CANCEL "CAVEMEN" TO
BRING YOU BREAKING NEWS FROM

185
00:09:14,086 --> 00:09:15,254
LYNWOOD PRISON.

186
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:18,291
NOTED CELEBUTARDS PARIS HILTON
AND NICOLE RICHIE HAVE ESCAPED.

187
00:09:18,357 --> 00:09:21,494
VIEWERS WILL RECALL THAT
NICOLE RICHIE IS THE DAUGHTER

188
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:29,635
OF FAMOUS MUSICIAN
LIONEL RICHIE.

189
00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:31,170
>> NICOLE, IT IS OVER.

190
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,039
YOU GOT NOWHERE LEFT TO RUN.

191
00:09:33,105 --> 00:09:34,840
>> THE JOKE'S ON YOU.

192
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,409
I WEIGH 62 POUNDS.

193
00:09:36,475 --> 00:09:39,278
I CAN GLIDE THROUGH THE AIR LIKE
A SPIDER MONKEY.

194
00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:40,947
>> UP, UP, AND AWAY, FALKOR.

195
00:09:41,013 --> 00:09:41,480
>> NO!

196
00:09:41,547 --> 00:09:44,450
>> YAY!

197
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:46,352
AAAH!

198
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,421
THAT'S NOT HOT.

199
00:09:52,658 --> 00:09:53,526
>> MMM.

200
00:09:53,592 --> 00:09:56,228
I COULD REALLY GO FOR ANOTHER
ONE OF THOSE.

201
00:09:56,295 --> 00:09:58,097
WHERE IS OUR CABANA BOY?

202
00:09:58,164 --> 00:10:00,266
[ FLIES BUZZING ]
PARIS!

203
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:03,536
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
>> OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN...

204
00:10:03,602 --> 00:10:04,837
WITH MY VAGINA.

205
00:10:04,904 --> 00:10:06,939
>> LAUGHING MAKES ME HUNGRY.

206
00:10:07,006 --> 00:10:09,342
>> ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

207
00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:11,477
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
BAWK BAWK ♪

208
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:13,612
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

209
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:15,781
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
BAWK BAWK ♪

210
00:10:15,848 --> 00:10:17,917
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

211
00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:20,119
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
BAWK BAWK ♪

212
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:22,188
BA-GAWK! BAWK.