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00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:05,405
[ Theme music playing ]
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00:00:05,472 --> 00:00:08,141
[ Laughs ]
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00:00:08,208 --> 00:00:09,943
[ Lever clicks ]
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♪♪
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Man: It's alive!
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[ Robot chicken clucking ]
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♪♪
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[ Laughing evilly ]
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♪♪
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I want my phone call!
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Payphone's on the wall.
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[ Telephone ringing ]
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Hello?
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I love you.
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Ah, success!
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To achieve it, you need power,
unbridled ambition,
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and a full head
of luxurious hair!
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Not every undead master of evil
has hair like mine,
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but trust me, Baron Dark,
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when I say you can, too, people.
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Why, this hair can withstand
even the harshest winds.
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I have to admit,
it's magnificent.
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Aah!
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Your hair is, like, glowing.
I have to say this.
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It never dries out
or gets frizzy from heat.
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I mean, how is that
even possible?
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Ohh! Aah!
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It even looks great wet.
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What's my secret?
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The hair was a gift
from the Lightstar Crystal
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that turned me into
the Skeleton Warrior
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you see here before you today.
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In my patented one-week program,
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its magic can give anyone
a beautiful head of hair.
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Even moi?
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Even you.
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Yes! Yes!
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I have the power!
39
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Now who's master
of the universe, He-Man?
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[ Laughs evilly ]
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An apple a day
keeps the doctor away.
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But what if you are a doctor?
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You're 2 cents short.
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Oh, my eyes, my eyes!
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Welcome to the first day
of Mommy and Me.
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And can I just say, it is
so refreshing to see a man
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helping with his child's
early development?
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I'm not sure
he is a child.
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[ Laughs ]
You're a riot.
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Let's start off
with some airplane.
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[ Whimpering ]
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Oh, dear.
Uh-oh.
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Looks like someone
had an accident.
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No worries. Let's try
a more relaxed activity.
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Why don't you sing him
a song?
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I'm not really a singer.
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Hello.
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Why, hello.
Is this Mommy?
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No, she just lives
in my radiator.
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Oh, we are totally supportive
of alternative families.
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Why did you sing him
"Rock-a-bye, Baby"?
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♪ Rock-a-bye, baby ♪
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♪ On the treetop ♪
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♪ When the wind blows ♪
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[ Crying ]
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Oh, boy.
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When was the last time
you changed his diaper?
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Oh...never.
No wonder.
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Let's get you cleaned up here,
little guy.
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Uh...eww.
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Oh, my God!
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Nothing a little
baby powder can't solve.
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[ Crying ]
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Oh, here.
Tuck those organs in there.
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Just like
a little burrito.
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There we go.
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So that's
how you swaddle a baby.
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I was going to kill him,
but now I kind of like him.
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Wonderful!
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You guys are...
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[ Distorted speaking ]
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[ Camera shutter clicks ]
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Steak or the fish?
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The fish, please.
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And for you?
[ Growls ]
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Now's your chance. Be a part
of the "Robot Chicken" action.
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What should the werewolf say?
Tweet your answer.
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You are awesome and funny,
and now's your chance.
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What should the werewolf say?
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This is your chance
to write for "Robot Chicken."
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Take your shot. Do it now.
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Here's the winner.
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This is the funniest tweet.
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And for you?
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I'll have the fish.
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You love Shark Week,
and this year, we're giving you
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a week dedicated
to something even better.
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It's Mark Week, an entire week
of programing dedicated
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to everything Mark!
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Mark your calendar
because we have
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tons of Mark-centric shows
you don't want to miss.
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Like "Mark Cuban's Mark Tank,"
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00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:03,810
a show where people named Mark
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pitch business marks
to Mark Cuban with markers.
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00:04:05,678 --> 00:04:07,547
And "Mark Zuckerberg,"
a show where Mark Zuckerberg
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00:04:07,614 --> 00:04:09,649
marks his mark on the world
while making waves.
107
00:04:09,716 --> 00:04:12,685
And mark my words. You don't
want to miss the Mark event.
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The world premiere of
Mark Burnett's new reality mark
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"A Roomful of Marks," the show
that puts famous Marks
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into a small mark, where
they're forced to injure Marks
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over Marks in Mark form.
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Because Mark Week starts this
Monday. Go and discover Mark.
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This band sucks.
I'm going to the bathroom.
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Hurry back.
They could be the next Beatles.
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Such a great band, right?
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The music touches my soul
in a deep way
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only artists
could understand.
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I'm Whisper. Hey, want to come
backstage and meet the band?
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I guess we're touching.
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Odd Bird, this is Daria.
Oh. Hello.
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She said your music
touched her deeply.
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Daria, you are clearly
a very smart girl.
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I'm having an afterparty
at my ranch tonight
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with some
very like-minded people.
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I think you should join us.
Wow.
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An invitation to a mysterious
ranch by a creepy stranger.
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How could I pass that up?
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Hope you make me drink
some sort of Kool-Aid now.
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00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:05,872
Of course. Daria, we are
a group of very special people.
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We've been chosen by God
to reach the kingdom of heaven
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via
an extraterrestrial spacecraft.
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Our master,
an alien named Slumu,
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will be escorting us there
tonight.
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Oh, joy.
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Let's bring out
the branding iron, shall we?
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I'm just gonna use
the bathroom first.
137
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My sarcastic tone
keeps digging me
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deeper and deeper into trouble.
I need to escape.
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[ Man screaming ]
Daria, are you ready to ascend
in a flying saucer
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armed with magic more powerful
than the greatest human armies?
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[ Sarcastically ] Absolutely.
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[ Sighs ]
Back on my bullshit.
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All right, everyone.
Cin cin!
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Mm-mm-mm.
145
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Well, there go
all my best friends.
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What happened?
147
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They did not wait for us.
Oops.
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Guess I'm
the only chosen one.
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Ready for your anal probe?
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Sounds like a real treat.
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Back on my bullshit.
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Were all dinosaurs
as nice as you, Barney?
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00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:04,897
Why, yes, Kayla.
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[ Laughter ]
155
00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:08,167
I love you.
156
00:06:08,234 --> 00:06:09,635
You love me.
157
00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:12,405
I love you.
You love me.
158
00:06:12,472 --> 00:06:15,675
I love you. You love me.
159
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:18,578
You love me. I love you.
I love you. You love me.
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Hey, what's that?
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[ Explosion ]
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-Uh-oh!
-Ohhh!
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After the scientists thawed me
out and restarted my organs
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with a cocktail
of various lizard bloods,
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I got to work forging
the license to run a daycare.
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'Kay.
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At least pretend
to be interested, Kayla.
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'Kay.
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All my friends are dead.
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'Kay.
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Fuck you, Kayla.
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'Kay.
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[ Laughs ] Yeah,
being a venture capitalist
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means seeking out
new opportunities,
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but what the hell
is this place?
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The planet MS Paint-a-Bot?
177
00:06:49,942 --> 00:06:52,779
Hi. I'm Todd,
and this is my world.
178
00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:54,046
ToddWorld!
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00:06:54,113 --> 00:06:56,349
Hi, Todd.
Does your world have dentists?
180
00:06:56,415 --> 00:06:57,817
[ Laughs ]
Look at this guy's mouth.
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00:06:57,884 --> 00:06:59,552
Dude,
you only have one tooth.
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How do you bite
through wide foods?
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00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:03,156
Like theoretically
a slice of cheese?
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00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:05,391
Todd,
we're venture capitalists.
185
00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:08,327
We want to invest
in immersive environments.
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00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:10,263
Neato mosquito!
187
00:07:10,329 --> 00:07:12,331
This week, we visited
Jurassic World,
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00:07:12,398 --> 00:07:14,200
Westworld, and Murderworld.
189
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,435
And let me tell you,
bro-ham, ToddWorld
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better show us something
if it wants our seed money.
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00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:22,308
Hmm.
Oh, my friend Pickle
192
00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:24,243
is about to play
a concert with his band.
193
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Hells yeah!
194
00:07:25,444 --> 00:07:27,547
Groupies and coke!
Grokies!
195
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:30,016
I hear we have some tech bros
in the house.
196
00:07:30,082 --> 00:07:31,717
Anyone want to join in?
197
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:33,553
Hell yeah.
I played sax in high school.
198
00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:36,155
Oh, yeah, here it comes.
1, 2, 3, 4!
199
00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:37,824
[ Playing sour notes ]
♪ This is the best song ♪
200
00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:39,492
♪ Future Grammy winner ♪
201
00:07:39,558 --> 00:07:42,829
♪ If the melody is strong, you
can have the beat for dinner ♪
202
00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:44,330
[ Playing sour notes ]
203
00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:46,766
Stop playing!
[ Music stops ]
204
00:07:46,832 --> 00:07:49,335
This song is a pile
of burning cow shit!
205
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,037
Yeah, but my sax was good,
right?
206
00:07:51,103 --> 00:07:53,906
Your sax sounded like Ned Beatty
getting ass-fucked
207
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:56,709
with a VHS copy
of "Deliverance"!
208
00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:59,078
And, uh, that's okay.
209
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,080
Stella doesn't have
to like your music.
210
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,216
All that matters
is whether you like it.
211
00:08:03,282 --> 00:08:04,650
That's today's lesson.
212
00:08:04,717 --> 00:08:07,854
Yes! I think we should invest
all our money in ToddWorld.
213
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:08,988
Me too.
214
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:11,123
[ Group cheering ]
Let's get out of here.
215
00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:13,893
Today's real lesson
is how venture capitalists
216
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,062
are emotionally stunted,
dysfunctional voids
217
00:08:16,128 --> 00:08:17,396
who invest in any product
218
00:08:17,463 --> 00:08:19,332
that replicates
a true human experience.
219
00:08:19,398 --> 00:08:21,767
Yeah, and in six months,
they'll sell us to Facebook
220
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:24,237
for billions
more than they paid for us.
221
00:08:24,303 --> 00:08:27,173
[ Laughter ]
222
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,343
Ask not what your country
can do for you.
223
00:08:30,409 --> 00:08:33,078
Why do I need a country
that doesn't do anything?
224
00:08:33,145 --> 00:08:35,681
Ask what you can do
for your country.
225
00:08:35,748 --> 00:08:37,350
Sounds like a pretty
one-way street.
226
00:08:37,415 --> 00:08:39,552
Hey, pal, I don't come down
to where you work
227
00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:41,320
and slap the dick
out of your mouth.
228
00:08:41,386 --> 00:08:43,890
I think you're confusing me
with Marilyn Monroe.
229
00:08:43,956 --> 00:08:47,026
Burn.
The president's been roasted!
230
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:50,630
Time to pay my yearly respects
to you, Mom and Dad.
231
00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:52,632
What the...
Where did this come from?
232
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:55,368
Yeah, hey, man, if you want to
get in, you got to buy a ticket.
233
00:08:55,434 --> 00:08:57,870
Hello? I'm Bruce Wayne.
234
00:08:57,937 --> 00:09:00,473
Wayne family members
get a 10% discount.
235
00:09:00,539 --> 00:09:02,141
Oh,
always nice to be included.
236
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,211
Welcome to the Thomas and
Martha Wayne Murder Alley Tour.
237
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:06,879
Sadly, their lives
were cut short
238
00:09:06,946 --> 00:09:09,482
only a few hundred yards
from where we stand.
239
00:09:09,548 --> 00:09:11,617
The evening began here
at Giussepe's.
240
00:09:11,684 --> 00:09:13,953
Uh, no, this restaurant
wasn't even here.
241
00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:16,122
As you can see
from the receipt on the wall,
242
00:09:16,188 --> 00:09:18,524
Thomas had the angel hair
in pink sauce.
243
00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:19,926
Martha had the walnut shrimp.
244
00:09:19,992 --> 00:09:21,761
I highly recommend that,
by the way.
245
00:09:21,827 --> 00:09:23,296
And Bruce had
the grilled cheese.
246
00:09:23,362 --> 00:09:24,497
This is all wrong.
247
00:09:24,563 --> 00:09:26,966
Walnut shrimp?
She was allergic to shellfish.
248
00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:28,834
And cheese
gives me diarrhea.
249
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:30,970
The receipt was found
in Thomas' wallet.
250
00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:32,838
After being examined
as evidence,
251
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:34,473
it was given
to the Wayne Foundation.
252
00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,376
They graciously allow it
to be displayed here today.
253
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:39,612
Okay, one, the police
don't just turn over evidence
254
00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:42,748
in an ongoing case, and,
two, his wallet was stolen.
255
00:09:42,815 --> 00:09:45,251
After dinner, the family
came to see this movie --
256
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:47,186
"Benji's Very Own
Christmas Story."
257
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,555
What?!
I hate those movies.
258
00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:50,856
We saw
"The Legend of Zorro."
259
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,858
They left early
because their son, Bruce,
260
00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:55,261
was frightened of the elves
and accidentally wet his pants.
261
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:56,362
No, wait.
262
00:09:57,396 --> 00:10:00,433
Yes, that was
a very good Benji movie.
263
00:10:00,499 --> 00:10:03,135
[ British accent ] Ooh!
I done wet me pants, guv'nor.
264
00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:04,437
[ Crowd screaming ]
[ Sighs ]
265
00:10:04,503 --> 00:10:06,605
Jesus fucking Christ.
266
00:10:06,672 --> 00:10:08,007
Give me all your money.
267
00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:09,809
And pearls.
I love pearls.
268
00:10:09,875 --> 00:10:12,511
Oh, please, shoot my wife
and pants-wetting son,
269
00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:15,047
but leave me alone.
This is slander.
270
00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:17,917
Uh-oh!
I done pissed in me pants again.
271
00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:19,752
No, this is not what happened.
272
00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:21,420
You're raising bed wetters?
273
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:22,888
I'll kill you for that.
274
00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:24,090
Blam!
Oh, my goodness.
275
00:10:24,156 --> 00:10:25,658
No.
276
00:10:26,592 --> 00:10:28,627
Blam, blam!
Aah!
277
00:10:29,628 --> 00:10:31,497
[ Gasps ]
I'm rich!
278
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:33,532
This is an outrage!
279
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:36,669
Oh, it's in my face!
280
00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:37,837
[ Spitting ]
281
00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:39,572
Why would you use
actual pee?
282
00:10:39,638 --> 00:10:40,840
[ Crowd groaning ]
283
00:10:40,906 --> 00:10:42,808
Please exit through
the gift shop.
284
00:10:42,875 --> 00:10:45,945
[ Sighs ] Wow, this ring-spun
cotton is really soft.
285
00:10:46,012 --> 00:10:47,046
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
286
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:48,280
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
287
00:10:48,347 --> 00:10:50,216
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
288
00:10:50,282 --> 00:10:51,283
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
289
00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:52,518
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
290
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,453
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
291
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:55,654
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
292
00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:56,889
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
293
00:10:56,956 --> 00:10:58,691
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
294
00:10:58,758 --> 00:11:00,126
Ba-gawk!
295
00:11:00,192 --> 00:11:01,560
Man: Bawk.