1
00:00:03,036 --> 00:00:05,071
♪♪

2
00:00:05,138 --> 00:00:06,373
[ Thunder crashes ]

3
00:00:06,439 --> 00:00:08,408
[ Theme music plays ]

4
00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:12,078
♪♪

5
00:00:12,145 --> 00:00:14,381
[ Whirring ]

6
00:00:14,447 --> 00:00:18,318
♪♪

7
00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:20,520
Man: It's alive!
[ Thunder rumbles ]

8
00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:27,894
♪♪

9
00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:30,163
[ Thunder crashes ]

10
00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:38,204
♪♪

11
00:00:38,271 --> 00:00:39,406
[ Suspenseful music plays ]

12
00:00:39,472 --> 00:00:41,207
[ Dinosaur growling ]
Shh, shh.

13
00:00:41,274 --> 00:00:43,810
[ Whispering ] I think
it's a Velociraptor.

14
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,246
No.
It's a Veloci-rapper!

15
00:00:46,312 --> 00:00:48,982
♪ One, two, one, two,
look who's coming through ♪

16
00:00:49,048 --> 00:00:51,217
♪ Veloci-rapper,
so what you want to do? ♪

17
00:00:51,284 --> 00:00:53,686
♪ Oh, snap,
I just seen a little boy ♪

18
00:00:53,753 --> 00:00:56,055
♪ So it's time to attack,
bust a rap, and destroy ♪

19
00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:57,490
♪ You could run,
but I'll follow you ♪

20
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:58,792
♪ I'll chew you up
and swallow you ♪

21
00:00:58,858 --> 00:01:00,026
♪ And if there's more people ♪

22
00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:01,194
♪ Then I'm-a eat up all of you ♪

23
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:02,896
♪ I'm from a park
called Jurassic ♪

24
00:01:02,962 --> 00:01:04,297
♪ My rhymes are classic ♪

25
00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:06,399
♪ I'll wrap you with plastic,
douse you with gas ♪

26
00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:08,334
♪ And toss a matchstick ♪

27
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:10,670
♪ Guarantee once I find you,
you'll be in my submission ♪

28
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:11,938
♪ And if you think
I'll let you live ♪

29
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,606
♪ Then, boy,
you must be wishing ♪

30
00:01:13,673 --> 00:01:15,208
[ Horn blowing ]

31
00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:17,043
Yeah, Jurassic Park all day!
West side raptor!

32
00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:18,845
Motherfucka
World star!

33
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,980
FUCK meteors. We out.

34
00:01:21,047 --> 00:01:23,450
Tim, get up!
You got to wake up!

35
00:01:23,515 --> 00:01:26,019
Dr. Grant, the dinosaur
didn't even touch him.

36
00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:28,188
Ah, the Veloci-rapper
simply shreds

37
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:30,223
all of its victims
with dope lyrics.

38
00:01:30,289 --> 00:01:31,658
Sorry for your loss,
homes.

39
00:01:31,991 --> 00:01:33,626
♪♪

40
00:01:33,693 --> 00:01:36,262
Harry, how can you be
so relaxed?

41
00:01:36,329 --> 00:01:38,765
Snape's potion test
is tomorrow!

42
00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:41,568
Oh, because
I'm the chosen one.

43
00:01:41,634 --> 00:01:43,203
Nobody said
I'm the "chosen as long

44
00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:46,104
as he gets good grades" one,
eh?

45
00:01:46,172 --> 00:01:47,941
And the chosen one's
friends

46
00:01:48,007 --> 00:01:50,610
should be exempt
from exams, too.

47
00:01:50,676 --> 00:01:52,445
Will you be quiet?

48
00:01:52,512 --> 00:01:56,449
I need to be well-rested for
our big potions test tomorrow.

49
00:01:56,515 --> 00:01:57,717
Why don't you just write
the answers

50
00:01:57,783 --> 00:01:59,452
on the back
of those cucumbers?

51
00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:03,189
Nobody's doing anything
gay in here, are they?

52
00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:06,159
Because that would be okay
with me.

53
00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:09,329
Oh, Dumbledore.

54
00:02:09,395 --> 00:02:11,431
[ Up-tempo music plays ]

55
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:14,501
♪ Come on to Hogwarts ♪

56
00:02:14,567 --> 00:02:16,736
♪ Learn a charm that is new ♪

57
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:20,273
♪ Where the spells are a curse
or a hex or jinx ♪

58
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:22,609
♪ At Harry's wizardry school ♪

59
00:02:23,443 --> 00:02:24,777
[ Screaming ]

60
00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:28,181
Can anyone play goalie?

61
00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:30,116
[ Grunts ]

62
00:02:30,183 --> 00:02:31,751
You! New guy.

63
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:32,986
You're up.

64
00:02:33,052 --> 00:02:35,121
[ Up-tempo rock music plays ]

65
00:02:35,188 --> 00:02:38,191
♪♪

66
00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:40,059
Yeah,
new guy is the balls!

67
00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:42,829
[ Buzzer ]

68
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:44,531
-Yeah!
-Yeah!

69
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:48,268
Together: Boo!

70
00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:51,704
[ Crowd cheering ]

71
00:02:52,305 --> 00:02:53,439
[ Cheers and applause ]

72
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,375
Aah!

73
00:02:55,441 --> 00:02:57,076
[ Cheers and applause
continues ]

74
00:02:57,143 --> 00:02:59,112
Crowd: [ Chanting ]
Do it! Do it!

75
00:02:59,178 --> 00:03:01,748
Do it! Do it!

76
00:03:01,814 --> 00:03:03,149
[ Crowd cheers ]

77
00:03:03,216 --> 00:03:06,452
New guy! New guy!
New...

78
00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:09,289
Ah, can anyone play goalie?

79
00:03:10,456 --> 00:03:12,125
[ Whimpers ]

80
00:03:12,191 --> 00:03:14,160
Can you describe
the attackers?

81
00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:16,963
Well, they were
these giant humanlike turtles

82
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,232
that were doing
all kinds of karate, and...

83
00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:20,366
I don't know.

84
00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:22,135
Maybe they were teenagers
or something.

85
00:03:22,201 --> 00:03:24,070
They had weapons.
Ninja weapons.

86
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:25,338
Anything else?

87
00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:27,473
They smelled like pizza,
and they said "Dude" a lot.

88
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:29,309
Oh, dude, they had this rat
with them.

89
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:32,111
I don't know if he was their pet
or, like, their master

90
00:03:32,178 --> 00:03:35,048
or whatever, but, like,
they had something going on.

91
00:03:35,114 --> 00:03:36,482
I don't know.
I'm just speculating.

92
00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:38,216
Did you get a look
at their faces?

93
00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:39,752
No, Officer.
I didn't see it.

94
00:03:39,819 --> 00:03:42,454
They had these colorful
little masks over their eyes,

95
00:03:42,522 --> 00:03:44,824
so I'm like,
"What do they look like, man?"

96
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:45,992
I don't even know.

97
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,061
Without the faces, we've
got nothing! [ Groans ]

98
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:50,763
Come on, Abe.
Show us what's under that hat.

99
00:03:50,829 --> 00:03:52,632
We want to see
why it's so tall.

100
00:03:52,699 --> 00:03:54,834
I wanted a tall hat.
That's it, honestly.

101
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,569
No one needs a hat
that tall.

102
00:03:56,636 --> 00:03:58,171
What are you hiding
under there, freak?!

103
00:03:58,237 --> 00:03:59,405
I'm not hiding anything!

104
00:03:59,472 --> 00:04:00,640
Now, if you'll excuse me.

105
00:04:00,707 --> 00:04:02,208
Not so fast, Abe!
Rip!

106
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:03,610
[ Stammering ]

107
00:04:03,676 --> 00:04:04,611
Aah!
Aah!

108
00:04:04,677 --> 00:04:05,878
[ Guns cock ]

109
00:04:08,281 --> 00:04:11,718
You must not let this
happen again.

110
00:04:11,784 --> 00:04:13,519
Yes, my lord.

111
00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:18,690
♪♪

112
00:04:18,757 --> 00:04:21,661
A girl is ready to join
the game of thrones.

113
00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:23,429
She must choose a face.

114
00:04:23,496 --> 00:04:25,798
That one.

115
00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:29,435
Perhaps a girl would like
a face more like this?

116
00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:31,337
No.
I want that one.

117
00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:32,772
[ Sighs ]

118
00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:37,043
♪♪

119
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,045
[ Beeping ]

120
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,015
♪♪

121
00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:44,384
[ Whirring ]

122
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:53,092
♪♪

123
00:04:53,159 --> 00:05:01,334
♪♪

124
00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:03,503
Ugh. No.
Not this one.

125
00:05:03,569 --> 00:05:05,471
A girl wanted
the one next to it!

126
00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:07,373
[ Sighs ]

127
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,208
[ Whirring ]

128
00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:14,480
♪♪

129
00:05:14,547 --> 00:05:19,719
♪♪

130
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:21,788
[ Straining ]

131
00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:25,825
[ Grunts ] Come on.

132
00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:32,331
Man really needs to rethink
the design of this place.

133
00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:35,068
[ Up-tempo music plays ]

134
00:05:35,134 --> 00:05:38,438
Gritty: Every mascot
has their own truth.

135
00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:41,707
[ Cheers and applause ]

136
00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:46,345
I just danced my heart out
to "Whoomp! (There It Is)"!

137
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:47,980
What more do you want
from me?!

138
00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:49,982
Real mascots
are racist caricatures

139
00:05:50,049 --> 00:05:53,886
and animals like Hunter,
not fuzzy blobs like you.

140
00:05:53,953 --> 00:05:57,090
I was the best mascot
in the world at one time.

141
00:05:57,156 --> 00:05:58,691
Now I can't stand
the face I see

142
00:05:58,758 --> 00:05:59,992
when I look in the mirror.

143
00:06:00,059 --> 00:06:02,228
They don't care.
No one cares.

144
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:05,364
I wasn't a perfect purebred
mascot like the others.

145
00:06:05,431 --> 00:06:06,699
Not me.

146
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:08,835
[ Thud ]

147
00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:10,103
Did you just hit me

148
00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:11,738
in the knee with a crowbar?

149
00:06:11,804 --> 00:06:13,740
Couldn't feel anything.
Thick padding.

150
00:06:13,806 --> 00:06:14,741
I, uh...

151
00:06:14,807 --> 00:06:15,942
No!

152
00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:18,411
Ha! Huh!

153
00:06:18,478 --> 00:06:20,379
Ha! Huh!
Why?!

154
00:06:20,446 --> 00:06:23,316
[ Crying ] Why?!

155
00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:26,586
You always hated Hunter,
didn't you?

156
00:06:26,652 --> 00:06:27,987
I didn't do it.

157
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:30,490
But we all watched it
on the JumboTron, didn't we?

158
00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:33,392
That could've been anyone!

159
00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:35,962
America, they want
something to love.

160
00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:37,430
You never loved me.

161
00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:38,931
You tortured me
into greatness.

162
00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:41,933
That's how I love,
stupid!

163
00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:45,505
But they also want a gigantic
orange nightmare creature.

164
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:48,407
Showtime!

165
00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:50,176
I'm Gritty.

166
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,744
Thank you so much
for hiring me

167
00:06:51,811 --> 00:06:53,312
as your assistant,
Nostradamus.

168
00:06:53,379 --> 00:06:54,714
What can I do for you?

169
00:06:54,781 --> 00:06:57,582
Please, go to the market and
fetch me some ink for my quill.

170
00:06:57,650 --> 00:06:58,818
Yes, sir.
God damn it!

171
00:06:58,885 --> 00:07:00,052
You're gonna buy
brown ink!

172
00:07:00,119 --> 00:07:01,354
I wanted black!

173
00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:02,622
I'm sorry I yelled.

174
00:07:02,688 --> 00:07:04,490
I've just got a lot
of prophecies

175
00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:05,925
to write,
and I'm stressed.

176
00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:07,193
Sir, I understand.

177
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,795
Why don't you go
to the kitchen and fetch me

178
00:07:08,861 --> 00:07:10,730
some hot, relaxing tea?

179
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:12,064
As you wish.
Aah!

180
00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:14,567
You're gonna spill it
on my lap and burn my dick.

181
00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:15,601
Oh, my goodness!

182
00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:17,136
I'm so sorry!
It's fine.

183
00:07:17,203 --> 00:07:19,405
I'm just a little sensitive
about my dick.

184
00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:20,740
Understood.
Can I...

185
00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:21,941
You're gonna fuck
my wife!

186
00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:22,942
Aah! Oh.

187
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:24,377
What?!
I would never.

188
00:07:24,443 --> 00:07:27,713
Yeah, you will, right there on
that couch and behind that door.

189
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:28,714
That's where I'll watch.

190
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,049
Wait. You'll watch?
Yeah.

191
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,250
I'll enjoy watching
for reasons

192
00:07:31,317 --> 00:07:32,852
I won't understand,
and then, one day,

193
00:07:32,919 --> 00:07:34,487
I'll open the door,
try to join in.

194
00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:36,756
You'll be cool.
She'll get upset, call it off.

195
00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:38,658
Humiliated, I slash both
of your throats

196
00:07:38,724 --> 00:07:41,460
and hang my nude body
above your corpses right here.

197
00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:42,628
I'm going
to leave now.

198
00:07:42,695 --> 00:07:44,163
Wait!
What?

199
00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:45,932
Okay, now go.
Okay, bye.

200
00:07:45,998 --> 00:07:46,666
Aah!

201
00:07:46,732 --> 00:07:50,203
"Buy Apple...stock."

202
00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:53,206
[ Crowd cheering ]

203
00:07:53,272 --> 00:07:55,541
Another great show,
Jonas Brothers.

204
00:07:55,608 --> 00:07:58,578
Let's celebrate with some
light hugging with some girls!

205
00:07:58,644 --> 00:08:01,414
But what about
our purity rings?

206
00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:02,582
[ Laughter ]

207
00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:04,317
What are purity rings?
High five.

208
00:08:04,383 --> 00:08:06,619
Sexy boys,
come with me.

209
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:09,121
Something terrible
has happened.

210
00:08:09,188 --> 00:08:10,456
-Ooh, it's kind of dark.
-Whoa!

211
00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:13,125
Boys, the United States
needs your help.

212
00:08:13,192 --> 00:08:14,861
America needs
the Jonas Brothers?

213
00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:16,262
You're not
the Jonas Brothers.

214
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,464
You're actually
the Jonas clones.

215
00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:19,765
-Aah!
-Gasp!

216
00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:21,601
Years ago,
the government was alerted

217
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:23,936
to the existence
of a teen heartthrob

218
00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:26,272
who was
far too heartthrob-y.

219
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,773
His looks were killer.

220
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,475
His music was boppin'.

221
00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:31,344
And his hair was floppy.

222
00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:33,044
He was called Jonas.

223
00:08:33,111 --> 00:08:35,181
-Like us!
-Quiet!

224
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,950
You are horse shit
compared to him.

225
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:39,418
He could blow a kiss
at a fan,

226
00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:41,921
and their G.D. vagina
would explode!

227
00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:45,524
Their heterosexual fathers
needed to give him a BJ.

228
00:08:45,591 --> 00:08:47,460
And to restore
world order,

229
00:08:47,526 --> 00:08:50,796
the government had to step in
and take Jonas captive.

230
00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:52,465
Nooooo!

231
00:08:52,531 --> 00:08:54,333
We experimented
on his genes

232
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,636
to study the limits
of his allure,

233
00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:59,505
but there were no limits.

234
00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:01,440
We couldn't study Jonas
directly,

235
00:09:01,507 --> 00:09:03,643
so we created clones
of him.

236
00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:06,913
We spliced in some frog DNA
to limit his allure.

237
00:09:06,979 --> 00:09:09,181
I had recently watched
"Jurassic Park,"

238
00:09:09,248 --> 00:09:10,549
and that's how you
three were born.

239
00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:12,818
-But we're not clones.
-Oh, no?

240
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:14,887
Simply this.
And there. Hm.

241
00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:15,955
Aah! Wait!

242
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:18,024
Which one am I?!
Kevin? Nick? Jack?

243
00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:19,425
There is no Jack Jonas.

244
00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:21,794
Both: There isn't?
I thought I was Jack!

245
00:09:21,861 --> 00:09:23,195
-No!
-Aah!

246
00:09:23,262 --> 00:09:26,065
And the final piece
of evidence. Here.

247
00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:29,769
[ Muffled ] Why tell us now?
And do you have more flies?

248
00:09:29,835 --> 00:09:31,804
Today,
Jonas Prime escaped.

249
00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:33,739
We need your help
to track him down.

250
00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:35,040
[ Metal clangs ]

251
00:09:35,107 --> 00:09:36,442
No! He's...

252
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:37,877
He's still here!

253
00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:40,179
-Ohh!
-Oh!

254
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,248
So...much...allure.

255
00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:44,517
Thanks for tracking down
my clothes for me, fools.

256
00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:45,584
Now leave us.

257
00:09:45,651 --> 00:09:46,585
[ Ting! ]

258
00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:47,787
He winked at us!

259
00:09:47,853 --> 00:09:49,388
I'm blushing!

260
00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:51,624
I'm blushing
to death!

261
00:09:52,725 --> 00:09:56,562
Now, my clones, together,
we shall rule the world!

262
00:09:56,629 --> 00:09:58,831
Being a Jonas isn't
about ruling humanity.

263
00:09:58,898 --> 00:10:01,600
It's about loving your fans,
playing great music,

264
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:03,302
and being told
to wear purity rings

265
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:05,871
until you get old enough that
it's weird to wear purity rings.

266
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:06,973
Aw, come on, babe.

267
00:10:07,039 --> 00:10:08,808
You can't resist.
We're the same.

268
00:10:08,874 --> 00:10:10,109
Oh, are we?

269
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:12,144
Ribbit motherfucker!

270
00:10:12,211 --> 00:10:14,013
[ Frogs croaking ]

271
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,948
What are you doing?

272
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:17,450
No! S.O.S.! S.O.S.!

273
00:10:17,516 --> 00:10:18,517
[ Whistle! ]

274
00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:19,885
[ Explosion ]
Oh! We did it!

275
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:21,354
Hooray!
Murder!

276
00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:23,923
Now can we lock down
whether I'm Kevin or Nick?

277
00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:25,257
[ Laughter ]

278
00:10:25,324 --> 00:10:26,158
Together: Huh?!

279
00:10:26,225 --> 00:10:27,193
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

280
00:10:27,259 --> 00:10:28,527
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

281
00:10:28,594 --> 00:10:30,529
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

282
00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:31,697
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

283
00:10:31,764 --> 00:10:33,032
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

284
00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:34,867
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

285
00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:35,868
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

286
00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:37,203
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

287
00:10:37,269 --> 00:10:39,205
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

288
00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:41,440
Ba-gawk! Bawk.

289
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:45,044
[ Gun cocks ]

290
00:10:45,945 --> 00:10:47,813
[ Screaming ]
Yeah!

291
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,515
Motherfucker!

292
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:52,651
♪♪

293
00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:55,287
Stupid Monkey.