1 00:00:03,269 --> 00:00:05,305 ♪♪ 2 00:00:05,372 --> 00:00:06,306 [ Thunder crashes ] 3 00:00:06,373 --> 00:00:07,907 [ Cackles ] 4 00:00:07,974 --> 00:00:12,679 [ Theme music plays ] 5 00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,714 [ Whirring ] 6 00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:18,551 ♪♪ 7 00:00:18,618 --> 00:00:20,420 Man: It's alive! 8 00:00:20,487 --> 00:00:28,027 ♪♪ 9 00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:29,429 [ Thunder rumbles ] 10 00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:39,305 ♪♪ 11 00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:42,475 [ Deep voice ] I don't know what happened to my voice, Dave. 12 00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,644 Just look at the flowers, Alvin. 13 00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:45,645 [ Revolver cocks ] 14 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,514 ♪♪ 15 00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:48,348 [ Gunshot ] 16 00:00:48,415 --> 00:00:49,416 Who's next? 17 00:00:49,482 --> 00:00:53,019 Run, Theodore! Shiiiiit! 18 00:00:53,086 --> 00:00:54,421 Lady of the Lake, 19 00:00:54,487 --> 00:00:56,356 King Arthur lies dying from battle 20 00:00:56,423 --> 00:00:58,658 and would see Excalibur returns to you, 21 00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,593 so when a new king arises, 22 00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:03,930 he shall find Excalibur waiting. 23 00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:08,835 ♪♪ 24 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,670 Oh, bollocks. 25 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:11,638 Uh... 26 00:01:11,704 --> 00:01:12,639 [ Fingers snap ] 27 00:01:12,705 --> 00:01:15,508 Excalibur! 28 00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:17,010 Blazes. 29 00:01:17,076 --> 00:01:20,013 Oh, are you getting frustrated, magic arm? 30 00:01:20,079 --> 00:01:21,681 There's just as much lake over here. 31 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:24,050 Come here to the sword, magic arm. 32 00:01:24,951 --> 00:01:26,085 [ Fingers snap ] 33 00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:27,520 Have you ever tried throwing a sword? 34 00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:30,190 The center of balance betrays the throw. 35 00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:31,890 Have pity. 36 00:01:33,359 --> 00:01:34,594 Oh, bloody right. 37 00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:36,463 I'm going to get the sword, and I'm going to cut 38 00:01:36,529 --> 00:01:38,398 the fucking magic arm off of you, 39 00:01:38,465 --> 00:01:40,066 you fucking lake with an arm on it. 40 00:01:40,133 --> 00:01:42,569 You fucking fucker. 41 00:01:42,634 --> 00:01:43,735 Oh! Right! 42 00:01:43,803 --> 00:01:46,439 Fucking come here, you fucking bitch! 43 00:01:46,506 --> 00:01:49,943 Percival, God has laid his grace upon me, 44 00:01:50,009 --> 00:01:51,811 for I have recovered, and I -- 45 00:01:51,878 --> 00:01:54,481 Oh, shit. Jesus... fucking... 46 00:01:54,547 --> 00:01:55,982 Get back here! 47 00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:57,150 Ow! 48 00:01:57,217 --> 00:02:01,020 Narrator: And so Legend of Excalibur lives on. 49 00:02:01,087 --> 00:02:03,256 This one's a bit of a fixer-upper 50 00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:05,058 but has excellent curb appeal. 51 00:02:05,124 --> 00:02:06,392 I'll take it. 52 00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:08,026 You don't want to see the inside? 53 00:02:08,094 --> 00:02:10,396 Are you kidding? It's a skull! 54 00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,732 I'm a skull! Oh, come on. 55 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,834 I'll give you 15% over listing. 56 00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:18,171 [ Jet engine roars in distance ] 57 00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:21,007 [ Sighing ] Oh, shit. I'm under a fucking flight path. 58 00:02:21,074 --> 00:02:23,142 I'll take it! 59 00:02:23,209 --> 00:02:24,310 ♪♪ 60 00:02:24,377 --> 00:02:28,915 Happy birthday, Ronald! Make a wish! 61 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:33,319 [ Chuckling ] Yes! Now that's a Happy Meal. 62 00:02:35,054 --> 00:02:35,954 [ Rapid chiming ] 63 00:02:36,555 --> 00:02:36,856 Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! 64 00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:38,258 Come on. This is a library. 65 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:39,091 Shh! 66 00:02:39,158 --> 00:02:40,994 [ Chiming ] Study. 67 00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:42,262 Where were you carrying those? 68 00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:45,430 Leave the library! Shh. 69 00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:47,133 The Mirror of Erised 70 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,904 shows us our heart's most desperate desire. 71 00:02:50,970 --> 00:02:52,805 -Boobs. -Titties. 72 00:02:52,872 --> 00:02:54,207 -Boobs. -Tits. 73 00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:55,909 -Boobs. -Boobs. 74 00:02:55,975 --> 00:02:56,743 -Titties. -Boobs. 75 00:02:56,809 --> 00:02:57,744 [ Whimpering ] 76 00:02:57,810 --> 00:02:59,512 What is it you see, Harry? 77 00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:02,815 Oh, um, I s-s-saw my parents. 78 00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:04,684 W-What do you see, Professor? 79 00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:10,924 ♪♪ 80 00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:14,494 Socks -- Thick woolen socks. 81 00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,529 [ Telephone rings ] 82 00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:18,898 Charles Fort speaking. Roosevelt here. 83 00:03:18,965 --> 00:03:20,867 There's a most unfortunate ordeal 84 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:23,903 developing in the Pine Barrens. 85 00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:25,438 Ah, the Jersey Devil. 86 00:03:25,505 --> 00:03:27,440 Yes, the unfortunate creature must be acting up 87 00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:29,108 because it's mating season. 88 00:03:29,175 --> 00:03:30,643 I'm on my way. 89 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:32,111 Duty calls, my dear. 90 00:03:32,178 --> 00:03:34,614 Every monster just needs a solid whopping. 91 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:38,685 ♪♪ 92 00:03:38,751 --> 00:03:40,019 Perfect landing. 93 00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:42,188 Here, chicky, chicky, chicky! 94 00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:43,957 ♪♪ 95 00:03:44,023 --> 00:03:44,958 Aah! 96 00:03:45,024 --> 00:03:46,426 ♪♪ 97 00:03:46,492 --> 00:03:47,427 Oh! 98 00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:48,828 You like it rough, eh? 99 00:03:50,363 --> 00:03:51,497 Ha ha! 100 00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:54,033 Care for a bunch of fives, you rambunctious hoyden? 101 00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:55,668 ♪♪ 102 00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,036 Bup, bup! 103 00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:59,872 Bup! Whoa! 104 00:03:59,939 --> 00:04:01,608 Now, a bit of... 105 00:04:01,674 --> 00:04:03,710 ought to subdue your beastly nature. 106 00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:07,413 ♪♪ 107 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,683 Wow, once again, music tames the savage beast, 108 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,553 and by music, I mean my prodigious engine. 109 00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:15,955 [ Growls ] 110 00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:19,358 Oh, come to take a whack of the white staff, have you? 111 00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:21,361 Well, come forth then, lusty goblin! 112 00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:23,863 I've got two ripe ghoulies waiting for you! 113 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:24,864 [ Growls ] 114 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:26,566 [ Ding! ] 115 00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:27,667 Why? 116 00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:29,335 Why did I not figure this out? 117 00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:32,038 Why would aliens look apes? 118 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:35,842 Why would I, a NASA-trained astronaut, 119 00:04:35,908 --> 00:04:38,678 not recognize the night sky? 120 00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:40,513 Why would aliens speak English? 121 00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:44,751 So stupid, stupid maniac! 122 00:04:44,817 --> 00:04:47,754 I carry a big gun, and I won't treat you gently, 123 00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:49,088 so tell me, Fabrizio, 124 00:04:49,155 --> 00:04:51,190 where is the skinny Sicilian? [ Knocks on door ] 125 00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:53,026 Frank, it's time. 126 00:04:53,092 --> 00:04:55,361 ♪♪ 127 00:04:55,428 --> 00:04:57,030 Come on, man. You're Frank fucking Castle. 128 00:04:57,096 --> 00:04:58,131 You're a star. 129 00:04:58,197 --> 00:05:00,233 You're a big, bright, shining star. 130 00:05:00,299 --> 00:05:01,968 Yep. Here's your problem. 131 00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,604 Gross. Is there more than one? 132 00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:06,606 There's 802 of them. You gotta catch them all. 133 00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:09,008 Ugh, how much is that going to cost? 134 00:05:09,075 --> 00:05:11,077 Ah, yeah. Mm, yeah -- 135 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,812 Woman: Wheres my little honey, Derek? 136 00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:14,847 Geez, Mom! Knock first! 137 00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:17,216 I-I-I'm sorry, Derek. I just wanted to say good night. 138 00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:18,718 Ugh, good night. 139 00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:21,054 [ Door slams ] 140 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,556 Mm, yeah. Yeah -- 141 00:05:23,623 --> 00:05:24,891 Don't forget to set your alarm -- 142 00:05:24,957 --> 00:05:26,859 Oh, my God! Derek! 143 00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:27,860 [ Screams ] 144 00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:30,096 I said, "Knock"! 145 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,098 Aah! Good catch, loser. 146 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,099 Ugh. 147 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,267 All: Boo-yah! 148 00:05:34,332 --> 00:05:36,002 'Sup, blood? 149 00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:37,437 What's shaking? 150 00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:40,740 The Koosh Kins -- from the '90s? 151 00:05:40,807 --> 00:05:42,508 Yeah, nice memory, home slice. 152 00:05:42,575 --> 00:05:45,111 Get ready to join the cool leagues! 153 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,646 ♪♪ 154 00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:49,549 ♪ Hey, what's up, everyone, we're from Planet Koosh ♪ Koosh! 155 00:05:49,615 --> 00:05:52,085 ♪ If you never heard of it, you're a douche ♪ D-D-D-D-Douche! 156 00:05:52,151 --> 00:05:54,787 ♪ We've returned to Earth to help you get cool ♪ 157 00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:57,590 ♪ You got to roll with us, dog, don't be a fool ♪ 158 00:05:57,657 --> 00:06:00,059 ♪ Give me a slice, dog, and we'll get you pimping ♪ 159 00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:02,895 ♪ Hey, you the bomb, but you, you be tripping ♪ 160 00:06:02,962 --> 00:06:05,264 Trish, I'm really sorry for what's about to happen. 161 00:06:05,331 --> 00:06:08,101 ♪ Hey, shorty, what's up, you looking so fat, boo ♪ 162 00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:10,737 ♪ I'm pumped for tonight, see you in the chat room ♪ 163 00:06:10,803 --> 00:06:13,873 You are ruining everything! [ Screams ] 164 00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:15,708 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's up? Wait, wait, wait. 165 00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:18,244 Guys, are we, like, no longer with it? 166 00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:19,812 Well, that kid is whack, homes. 167 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,013 Let's hit Blockbuster 168 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:23,282 and rent the latest Pauly Shore movie. 169 00:06:23,349 --> 00:06:24,684 Word! Word! Word! Word! 170 00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:28,354 Man: It puts the lotion on its skin, 171 00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:29,789 or it gets the hose. 172 00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:33,760 I've got to stop using this temp agency. 173 00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:36,763 Is it weird I used to kidnap your girlfriend? 174 00:06:36,829 --> 00:06:38,631 Eh. 175 00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:40,700 Welcome, X-Men, to your first day. 176 00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:44,103 When did you gifted youngsters learn you were gifted? 177 00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:46,072 Hi, my name is Scott Summers. 178 00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,975 I realized I had optic blast when I survived a plane crash. 179 00:06:49,041 --> 00:06:50,176 Great. 180 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:53,246 Now I will use my psychic powers to show that moment. 181 00:06:53,312 --> 00:06:54,514 What now? 182 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:58,251 I love you, Victoria's Secret catalog. 183 00:06:58,317 --> 00:07:00,787 Oh, oh! Aaaaaah! Wow! 184 00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:03,589 Uh...I, uh -- Wh-What? That never... 185 00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:04,657 It's okay, Scott. 186 00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:07,026 Mutant abilities emerge during puberty. 187 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,227 Who's next? Bobby. 188 00:07:08,294 --> 00:07:09,829 Holy shit. I don't want to do this. 189 00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:11,497 Look, let's just say I was being bullied, 190 00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:12,732 and I turned a bully into ice. 191 00:07:12,799 --> 00:07:14,033 Excellent, Bobby. 192 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,868 Now let's see it on the big board. 193 00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,104 Okay, I'm already dropping out, so -- s-so don't! 194 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:20,006 Cool, everyone is asleep. 195 00:07:20,072 --> 00:07:21,874 Good thing I've packed my Victoria's Secret -- 196 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,276 Ugh! 197 00:07:23,342 --> 00:07:24,477 God damn it! 198 00:07:24,544 --> 00:07:26,179 Who's next? Jean. 199 00:07:26,245 --> 00:07:27,380 ♪♪ 200 00:07:27,446 --> 00:07:29,015 I re-enroll. Bobby is back in. 201 00:07:29,081 --> 00:07:30,082 Go ahead. Goodness. 202 00:07:30,149 --> 00:07:32,685 Well, I suppose maybe it happened during, um, 203 00:07:32,752 --> 00:07:33,886 a slumber party pillow fight? 204 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:35,188 Yeah, it did. Yeah. 205 00:07:35,254 --> 00:07:36,856 And then my top accidentally came off, 206 00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:39,725 and I could hear the other girls' thoughts, 207 00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:41,561 and that is when I knew. 208 00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:43,596 Show it. Show it. Show it. Show it. Show it. 209 00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:46,666 Thank you, Jean. Let's take a looky-loo. 210 00:07:46,732 --> 00:07:49,202 This shrimp cocktail is delicious, 211 00:07:49,268 --> 00:07:52,438 but I wish I had a napkin. Oh, there's one. 212 00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:54,307 [Gasps] Oh, neat. 213 00:07:54,373 --> 00:07:56,475 I have special powers. 214 00:07:56,542 --> 00:08:00,112 Oh, no. I think the shrimp was -- 215 00:08:00,179 --> 00:08:01,447 Oh, gross! 216 00:08:01,514 --> 00:08:02,715 Turn it off! No, no. 217 00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:06,052 Youngster Jean waited patiently through your vision. 218 00:08:06,118 --> 00:08:09,622 [ All retching ] 219 00:08:09,689 --> 00:08:13,125 [ All retching ] 220 00:08:13,192 --> 00:08:14,961 ♪♪ 221 00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:17,830 Is this what you wanted, you pervs? 222 00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:18,998 ♪♪ 223 00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:20,633 Out of lasagna. 224 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:23,302 Maybe that weirdo across the street has some. 225 00:08:23,369 --> 00:08:24,403 Another thrilling journey 226 00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:27,106 through Garfield's one dimension. 227 00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,709 [ Horn blares ] 228 00:08:29,775 --> 00:08:32,645 Fucking Mondays. 229 00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,313 Garfield, no! 230 00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:35,481 I'm nothing without you, 231 00:08:35,548 --> 00:08:37,482 no marketing value whatsoever. 232 00:08:37,549 --> 00:08:41,520 Don't you bury that cat in the Pet Sematary now. 233 00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:43,489 Sometimes, dead is better. 234 00:08:43,556 --> 00:08:44,957 How could dead be better? 235 00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:48,361 Not dead, Ded's. Ded's Pet Crematorium. 236 00:08:48,427 --> 00:08:50,229 [ Chuckles ] 237 00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:52,698 [ Horn blares ] 238 00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:54,033 Oh, no. Odie, move. 239 00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:56,769 ♪♪ 240 00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:58,137 Yeah, I'm sure this will be fine. 241 00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,839 This will not be fine. 242 00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:02,174 He who disturbs our sacred ground 243 00:09:02,241 --> 00:09:05,011 shall pay a terrible price. 244 00:09:05,077 --> 00:09:08,147 Didn't you hear me? Can anyone hear me? 245 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,983 I once had sex with my horse. 246 00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:13,786 That felt good to get out. 247 00:09:13,853 --> 00:09:16,956 I love being old and alone. 248 00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:19,158 I don't have to wipe when I shit. 249 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:22,361 Eh? 250 00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:23,562 [ Screams ] 251 00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:26,198 That's the most upsetting place to cut. 252 00:09:26,265 --> 00:09:27,366 ♪♪ 253 00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:28,534 [ Screams ] 254 00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:31,103 That's the most upsetting place to cut. 255 00:09:31,170 --> 00:09:32,204 [ Screams ] 256 00:09:32,271 --> 00:09:33,706 Stop trying to top yourself. 257 00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:35,808 Well, now I'm going to slice that little flap of skin 258 00:09:35,875 --> 00:09:37,343 between your penis and your balls. 259 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,145 [ Retches ] 260 00:09:39,211 --> 00:09:40,513 [ Voice breaking ] With Garfield and Odie gone, 261 00:09:40,579 --> 00:09:42,581 it's just you and me, Nermal. 262 00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:45,618 [ Giggles ] I'm the world's cutest cat 263 00:09:45,685 --> 00:09:49,121 living with the world's saddest 37-year-old man. 264 00:09:49,188 --> 00:09:52,158 My life is crap. [ Giggles ] 265 00:09:52,224 --> 00:09:54,660 [ Sobbing ] I hate Mondays. 266 00:09:54,727 --> 00:09:55,995 ♪♪ 267 00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:58,664 Garfield, you look terrible. 268 00:09:58,731 --> 00:10:00,199 I look exactly the same. 269 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,702 That's what I meant -- terrible. 270 00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:05,438 [ Screams ] 271 00:10:05,504 --> 00:10:07,740 So, no, your cat is not a zombie. 272 00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:09,942 All his fat must have cushioned the impact from the truck. 273 00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:11,944 You buried me alive, you fat-shaming, 274 00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:13,379 loveless piece of milk toast. 275 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:14,547 But he killed our neighbor. 276 00:10:14,613 --> 00:10:16,782 Classic case... of the lasagna withdrawals. 277 00:10:16,849 --> 00:10:18,050 They cause short-term irritability. 278 00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:19,352 Short-term? 279 00:10:19,418 --> 00:10:21,988 Did it wear off before or after you killed Nermal? 280 00:10:22,054 --> 00:10:22,688 Before. 281 00:10:22,755 --> 00:10:25,191 That pussy was a twat. 282 00:10:25,257 --> 00:10:28,894 [ Both laugh ] 283 00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:30,730 My greatest novel yet. 284 00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:32,398 [ Snorts ] 285 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:33,432 Argh! 286 00:10:33,499 --> 00:10:36,135 No van could kill me! Steve King! 287 00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:37,136 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 288 00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:38,371 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 289 00:10:38,437 --> 00:10:40,373 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 290 00:10:40,439 --> 00:10:41,540 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 291 00:10:41,607 --> 00:10:42,775 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 292 00:10:42,842 --> 00:10:44,710 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 293 00:10:44,777 --> 00:10:45,711 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 294 00:10:45,778 --> 00:10:46,946 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 295 00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:49,048 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 296 00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:51,217 Ba-gawk! Bawk.