1
00:00:03,269 --> 00:00:05,271
♪♪

2
00:00:05,338 --> 00:00:06,172
[ Thunder crashes ]

3
00:00:06,239 --> 00:00:07,874
[ Cackles ]

4
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:12,645
[ Theme music plays ]

5
00:00:12,712 --> 00:00:14,647
[ Whirring ]

6
00:00:14,714 --> 00:00:18,685
♪♪

7
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:20,353
Man: It's alive!

8
00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:27,961
♪♪

9
00:00:28,027 --> 00:00:29,362
[ Thunder rumbles ]

10
00:00:29,429 --> 00:00:38,204
♪♪

11
00:00:38,271 --> 00:00:40,273
[ Farting ]

12
00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:42,308
[ Splash ]

13
00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:45,845
Uh-oh, where's my phone?

14
00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:47,147
Oh!

15
00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:48,415
No!

16
00:00:54,854 --> 00:00:57,490
♪ They emerged from the trees
to save our planet ♪

17
00:00:57,557 --> 00:01:00,460
♪ Squatch Squad!

18
00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:03,229
♪ With feet like concrete
and fists like granite ♪

19
00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:06,065
♪ Squatch Squad!

20
00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:08,902
♪ Cryptozoology in your face

21
00:01:08,968 --> 00:01:13,473
♪ Hairy heroes that hail from
inter-dimensional space ♪

22
00:01:13,539 --> 00:01:14,741
♪ Bigfoot

23
00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:16,176
♪ Space Squatch

24
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:17,544
♪ Skunk Ape Stomp

25
00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:20,847
♪ Squatch Squad!

26
00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:24,584
Skunk Ape,
Space Squatch, look!

27
00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:26,920
They're bulldozing sequoias
to make room

28
00:01:26,986 --> 00:01:28,788
for a bulldozer factory!

29
00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:30,223
These guys stink!

30
00:01:30,289 --> 00:01:32,258
Time to zap
some dweebizoids!

31
00:01:32,325 --> 00:01:35,695
We're gonna need backup
for this.

32
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,564
Batsquatch!

33
00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:39,332
Sheepsquatch!
Baaa!

34
00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:40,633
And Blurry Foot --

35
00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:42,301
the bigfoot
of photographs.

36
00:01:42,368 --> 00:01:43,436
Ready!

37
00:01:43,503 --> 00:01:46,906
Squatches, stomp!

38
00:01:46,973 --> 00:01:48,374
Oh!
Get it off!

39
00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:50,009
Get it off!
No.

40
00:01:50,076 --> 00:01:52,612
Don't disturb the forest!

41
00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:57,517
Oh!
Dying!

42
00:01:57,584 --> 00:02:00,286
Dying...

43
00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:03,323
♪ Squatch Squad!

44
00:02:04,424 --> 00:02:05,692
[ Indistinct conversations ]

45
00:02:05,758 --> 00:02:08,527
[ Laughter ]

46
00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:13,166
Indiana Jones, are you here
to take me on an adventure?

47
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:15,201
Yes, Marion,
an adventure.

48
00:02:15,268 --> 00:02:16,536
Whoo-hoo!

49
00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:24,210
♪♪

50
00:02:24,277 --> 00:02:27,313
Is this where
the Ark of the Covenant is?

51
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:28,414
That's right, Marion.

52
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:31,017
Don't look,
no matter what happens.

53
00:02:33,753 --> 00:02:36,956
My sweet Westley, you've
returned to me and our love.

54
00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:39,559
Through my years as
the Dread Pirate Roberts,

55
00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:41,494
all I could think
of was this moment.

56
00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:43,463
You must have
suffered greatly.

57
00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:44,964
Well...

58
00:02:45,031 --> 00:02:46,933
Take no prisoners!

59
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,601
Slaughter them all!

60
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:52,105
I'll take all the whores
in Freeport!

61
00:02:52,171 --> 00:02:54,340
Sire,
the finest iocane powder.

62
00:02:54,406 --> 00:02:55,441
[ Snorts ]

63
00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:56,942
Yeah, bitch!

64
00:02:57,010 --> 00:03:00,213
I'm the motherfucking
Dread Pirate Roberts!

65
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:01,414
Aagh!

66
00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:03,983
No biggie.
It was mostly sailing, fishing.

67
00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:06,653
But you were the most
feared pirate on the open sea.

68
00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:09,889
Perhaps now is a good time
to mention I have syphilis.

69
00:03:09,956 --> 00:03:12,592
[ Lasers firing ]

70
00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:15,194
Hey, Three, do you think
masturbation is gay?

71
00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:16,296
What?

72
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:17,263
Well, you're stroking
your penis,

73
00:03:17,329 --> 00:03:19,532
but it's your penis,
so, no.

74
00:03:19,599 --> 00:03:20,934
But, like, we're clones,
right?

75
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,670
Like, your penis
is my penis, eh?

76
00:03:23,736 --> 00:03:26,306
Are you wondering if it's gay
to have sex with your own clone?

77
00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:29,075
'Cause if it's between
two consenting adults, it's --

78
00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:30,743
who cares?
Cool.

79
00:03:30,810 --> 00:03:33,112
So, uh, hey, you want to watch
"Xanadu" tonight?

80
00:03:33,179 --> 00:03:35,014
I love "Xanadu"!

81
00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:36,649
Oh!
Damn!

82
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:39,385
So close.

83
00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:40,887
Both: Hey, I've got a question
for ya.

84
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,522
Yes! Yes!

85
00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:46,492
The Matrix is a simulation built
to change a human being's brain

86
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:50,029
into a computer
that generates this.

87
00:03:50,096 --> 00:03:51,531
No!
Impossible!

88
00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:52,865
Bitcoin isn't real.

89
00:03:52,932 --> 00:03:54,267
What is real, Neo?

90
00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:55,368
Is the dollar real?

91
00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:57,270
Is a mint condition
Black Lotus

92
00:03:57,337 --> 00:03:58,972
Magic: The Gathering card
real?

93
00:03:59,038 --> 00:04:01,841
Yes, but why would
the machines want Bitcoin?

94
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:04,010
Because it goes up
in value.

95
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:04,911
So?

96
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,713
So then you have
more Bitcoin.

97
00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:10,617
Is this why you freed me, to
save mankind from this bullshit?

98
00:04:10,683 --> 00:04:11,985
No, Neo.

99
00:04:12,051 --> 00:04:17,824
You're here to lend me $5,000
so I can buy a Bitcoin.

100
00:04:18,491 --> 00:04:20,059
Happy birthday,
Eleroo!

101
00:04:20,125 --> 00:04:21,928
Hello, advanced beings!

102
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:26,399
I am Dr. Seth Brundle,
half man, half fly.

103
00:04:26,466 --> 00:04:27,967
That makes you a Wuzzle,
too!

104
00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:30,103
Join us for a party,
won't you?

105
00:04:30,169 --> 00:04:33,806
I have recently discovered
a fascinating new way to eat!

106
00:04:33,873 --> 00:04:34,841
Observe!

107
00:04:34,907 --> 00:04:35,675
[ Vomits ]

108
00:04:35,742 --> 00:04:36,476
Aagh!

109
00:04:36,542 --> 00:04:37,810
Oops.
Sorry.

110
00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:38,978
Agh, my bumble paw!

111
00:04:39,045 --> 00:04:42,382
Bumblelion!
Well, waste not, want not.

112
00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:43,816
Hey, get off of him!

113
00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:46,519
You--
Aagh!

114
00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:48,454
It's too much hurting!

115
00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:51,991
Is that half shotgun,
half another shotgun?

116
00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:53,126
[ Gunshot ]

117
00:04:53,192 --> 00:04:56,362
That's stupid.
It's just a whole shotgun.

118
00:04:56,429 --> 00:04:59,866
♪ Happy birthday to me

119
00:05:02,402 --> 00:05:03,870
Would you like some honey
with your tea?

120
00:05:03,936 --> 00:05:05,104
Please.

121
00:05:05,171 --> 00:05:06,072
[ Inhales sharply ]

122
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,073
Huh!

123
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,609
[ Inhales sharply ]

124
00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:12,278
Ah.
Thank you.

125
00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:14,013
And for you, Miss?

126
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,548
I'm good.

127
00:05:15,615 --> 00:05:19,018
So in conclusion, if the
volcano's eruption will kill

128
00:05:19,085 --> 00:05:21,320
the dinosaurs,
we should let it.

129
00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:22,689
Judge: Thank you.

130
00:05:22,755 --> 00:05:24,991
The committee will now hear
from a dissenting expert.

131
00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:27,860
♪♪

132
00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:28,828
[ Clears throat ]

133
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:31,564
[ Screeches ]

134
00:05:31,631 --> 00:05:35,101
[ Clearing throat ]

135
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,736
Excuse me, kind sir,

136
00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:40,840
but I believe that
this is my assigned seat.

137
00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:43,543
The name
is Louis Goobberson III.

138
00:05:43,609 --> 00:05:46,179
My pals call me
Gooey Louie.

139
00:05:46,245 --> 00:05:49,348
I -- I'm sorry, I'm a little bit
of a germophobe, so...

140
00:05:49,415 --> 00:05:50,783
Totally understand.

141
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,284
Hey, do you mind
if I partake

142
00:05:52,351 --> 00:05:54,454
of some delectable
powdered doughnuts?

143
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,556
They're extra powdery.

144
00:05:56,622 --> 00:05:57,657
Achoo!

145
00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:59,859
Achoo!

146
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,861
You have to let me
change seats.

147
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:04,030
Excuse me, Miss,
while I have you,

148
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:08,301
do you perchance
have one single-ply napkin?

149
00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:09,535
[ Blows nose ]

150
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,372
50 bucks for a DayQuil?
Ooh.

151
00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:16,409
I have always desired
to watch Pixar's "Up."

152
00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:18,845
This should be
light fare indeed!

153
00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:20,413
Oh fuck!

154
00:06:22,181 --> 00:06:24,550
[ Sobbing, sniffling ]

155
00:06:26,686 --> 00:06:31,257
Miscarriage and death --
what pain life holds.

156
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:33,392
What unique sorrow.

157
00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:34,727
Such sorrow!

158
00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:36,429
Get a neti pot,
you selfish ass!

159
00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:37,563
Hey, slow down!

160
00:06:37,630 --> 00:06:40,900
There's enough mucous
for everybody!

161
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:42,135
Aah!

162
00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:44,303
You just murdered
a federal judge!

163
00:06:44,370 --> 00:06:45,972
It's a mad house!

164
00:06:46,038 --> 00:06:48,641
Everything is snot!

165
00:06:48,707 --> 00:06:50,042
Oh!

166
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:56,616
The Allies have taken Berlin!
And why?

167
00:06:56,682 --> 00:06:59,519
Because you all failed to do
what I asked of you!

168
00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:02,555
Johann Schmidt, have you found
the Tesseract in Norway?

169
00:07:02,622 --> 00:07:07,426
Mein fuhrer, none of the
occult items you ask for exist.

170
00:07:07,493 --> 00:07:09,862
A better use of my mein troops
would be --

171
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:11,364
[ Gunshot ]
Enough! Frau Haupstein,

172
00:07:11,430 --> 00:07:13,199
have you
opened the gates to hell?

173
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,567
I was not able to summon

174
00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:17,537
the demonic Hellboy
with the help of Rasputin.

175
00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:20,907
But I have been working
on a military strategy.

176
00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:23,476
Unacceptable!

177
00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:26,312
Herr Toht, have you recovered
the artifact from Egypt?

178
00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:28,314
Um, uh, yes.

179
00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:31,184
I have found the lost
Ark of the Covenant.

180
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:32,685
Wunderbar!
Where is it?

181
00:07:32,752 --> 00:07:35,521
It is...
uh, here.

182
00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:39,192
I have kept the 10 Commandments
in this briefcase.

183
00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:42,328
Finally, the key
to winning the war!

184
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:45,765
[ Laughs ] Americanas, I bet you
did not expect --

185
00:07:45,832 --> 00:07:50,403
keep mein eyes closed,
keep mein eyes closed -- this!

186
00:07:50,469 --> 00:07:51,404
[ Laughs ]

187
00:07:51,470 --> 00:07:55,308
The power of God
is mine to command.

188
00:07:55,374 --> 00:07:58,411
Your face is melting,
I wish I could see!

189
00:07:58,477 --> 00:08:00,613
And your face, too!
[ Laughs ]

190
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,815
The ghosts are so scary.

191
00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:04,584
Let's see
where this goes.

192
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,786
♪ Melty, melty, melty!

193
00:08:06,853 --> 00:08:08,187
So cool.

194
00:08:08,254 --> 00:08:11,390
Aliens sent you plans
for a spaceship in your dreams.

195
00:08:11,457 --> 00:08:14,227
We could be explorers.

196
00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:18,497
Holy crap, that's a --
a -- what do you call it?

197
00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:20,566
An electromagnetic bubble
capable of moving

198
00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:22,635
at near limitless
distances and speeds.

199
00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:24,337
Yes! Wow!

200
00:08:27,907 --> 00:08:29,275
That is quite the racket.

201
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:30,610
Maybe we should check
on them.

202
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:33,446
No, let them
explore their bodies.

203
00:08:33,511 --> 00:08:39,352
♪♪

204
00:08:39,418 --> 00:08:41,787
[ Meowing ]

205
00:08:42,822 --> 00:08:45,091
Oh.
No!

206
00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:46,792
Oh, a Pez.

207
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,594
Thank you.

208
00:08:48,661 --> 00:08:50,696
[ Chuckles ] Mmm.

209
00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:52,565
Krypton is doomed,
my son.

210
00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:56,235
But on Earth,
you shall be like a god.

211
00:08:58,437 --> 00:09:01,073
Oh, boy!
First day on the Earth job.

212
00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:05,678
Fu...

213
00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:07,546
...nny coincidence.

214
00:09:07,613 --> 00:09:09,715
What to do, what to do.

215
00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:10,917
Oh, no!
Brainiac!

216
00:09:10,983 --> 00:09:15,187
I was your only friend.

217
00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:18,824
[ Sighs ]
What to do, what to do.

218
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:20,860
The sun is almost up,
Elisa.

219
00:09:20,927 --> 00:09:22,094
Leave me and go.

220
00:09:22,161 --> 00:09:23,462
I'm not going anywhere.

221
00:09:23,529 --> 00:09:25,932
When you turn to stone,
I'll watch over you.

222
00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:28,768
You don't understand.

223
00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:30,870
[ Groaning ]

224
00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:32,571
Goliath?

225
00:09:34,807 --> 00:09:37,209
And the romance is gone.

226
00:09:37,276 --> 00:09:38,811
That's impressive,
though.

227
00:09:38,878 --> 00:09:43,082
♪♪

228
00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:45,918
Mr. Pol Pot,
gnarly soldier dude,

229
00:09:45,985 --> 00:09:48,521
I am Bill S. Preston,
esquire.

230
00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:50,756
And I am
Ted "Theodore" Logan.

231
00:09:50,823 --> 00:09:52,391
And we are here to--

232
00:09:52,458 --> 00:09:55,127
[ Gunfire ]

233
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:58,197
Bill and Ted,
wait!

234
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,499
We've come to warn you,
do not ask Mr. Pot --

235
00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:02,435
Oh, no.
We're too late.

236
00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:03,602
Oh, dude!
Déjà vu!

237
00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:05,338
[ Gunfire ]

238
00:10:06,572 --> 00:10:08,240
Mr. Pot, may I suggest

239
00:10:08,307 --> 00:10:10,476
that your soldiers to not --

240
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:12,078
Non-heinous.

241
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:16,949
This is most uncool,
dude.

242
00:10:17,016 --> 00:10:18,017
Stop!

243
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,787
Oh, no!
I'm shot.

244
00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:23,656
Except reveal!

245
00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:24,924
Radical!

246
00:10:24,991 --> 00:10:25,925
Bogus.

247
00:10:25,992 --> 00:10:27,360
Dude!

248
00:10:27,426 --> 00:10:28,761
Oh, fuck, bro!

249
00:10:28,828 --> 00:10:30,329
Damn, we totally mistimed
that one.

250
00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:32,264
-Whoa!
-Bogus!

251
00:10:32,331 --> 00:10:34,500
[ Imitating guitar riff ]

252
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:42,040
♪♪

253
00:10:42,908 --> 00:10:50,549
♪♪

254
00:10:51,250 --> 00:10:59,525
♪♪

255
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:03,162
Coming soon,
"Bill and Ted: Part 3."

256
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:06,399
Stoopid monkey.