1
00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:05,238
♪♪

2
00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:06,539
[ Thunder crashes ]

3
00:00:06,606 --> 00:00:08,575
[ Theme music plays ]

4
00:00:08,641 --> 00:00:12,245
♪♪

5
00:00:12,312 --> 00:00:14,881
[ Whirring ]

6
00:00:16,349 --> 00:00:17,917
[ Whirring ]

7
00:00:17,984 --> 00:00:20,120
Man: It's alive!
[ Thunder rumbles ]

8
00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:27,494
♪♪

9
00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:29,763
[ Thunder crashes ]

10
00:00:29,829 --> 00:00:38,938
♪♪

11
00:00:39,005 --> 00:00:40,340
Announcer: From the studio
that brought you

12
00:00:40,407 --> 00:00:43,009
"Paranormal Activity"
and "Sinister"...

13
00:00:43,076 --> 00:00:45,278
-Did you hear that?
-It's coming from the attic.

14
00:00:45,345 --> 00:00:47,547
...learn what happens...

15
00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:48,681
Aah!

16
00:00:48,748 --> 00:00:52,218
...when a studio heavily invests
in the wrong IP.

17
00:00:52,285 --> 00:00:53,186
Run!

18
00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:54,521
[ Panting ]

19
00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:55,789
[ Laughs ]

20
00:00:55,855 --> 00:00:56,656
It's a Weeble!

21
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:59,025
It glows in the dark!

22
00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:00,660
How is it doing that?

23
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:03,563
Announcer: A property so far
outside our target demographic,

24
00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:05,965
we were insane
to make this movie.

25
00:01:06,032 --> 00:01:09,202
Why won't
you fall down?

26
00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:10,804
They never fall down!

27
00:01:10,870 --> 00:01:12,205
Never!

28
00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:15,041
[ Laughter ]

29
00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:16,976
Flag down the car!
Help!

30
00:01:17,043 --> 00:01:20,146
[ Laughing, screaming ]

31
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:25,151
[ Groans ]

32
00:01:26,519 --> 00:01:29,088
[ Munching ]

33
00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:29,956
[ Gulps ]

34
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:35,161
[ Sniffing ]

35
00:01:35,228 --> 00:01:36,628
Ruh-roh!

36
00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:39,833
Oh, Shaggy, what did you put
a Scooby Snack in my bra?

37
00:01:39,899 --> 00:01:41,533
Like, what? No!

38
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,102
Oh, I think
it's a lump.

39
00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:46,339
Like, dude, you should get
that checked out, like, A.S.A.P.

40
00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:49,275
I'm sure it's fine.
My boobs are just lumpy.

41
00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:54,581
Scalpel.
She was lucky.

42
00:01:54,646 --> 00:01:56,416
Caught the tumor just in time.

43
00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,453
And I would've gotten away
with it, too,

44
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,323
if it weren't
for those meddling kids.

45
00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:05,725
Our baby is hideous!

46
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,828
What have we done?
Why, God?! Why!

47
00:02:08,895 --> 00:02:10,797
It's an abomination.

48
00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:11,831
[ Sobs ]

49
00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:12,866
[ Doorbell rings ]

50
00:02:12,932 --> 00:02:14,901
I'll get it, honey.
Hello.

51
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,736
I have come to drink
your blood!

52
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:17,670
[ Screams ]
Ha-ha!

53
00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:18,805
It's going
to be okay, honey.

54
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:21,140
He can't come in
unless we invite him in.

55
00:02:21,207 --> 00:02:23,209
Isn't that so,
you bastard?

56
00:02:23,276 --> 00:02:25,011
Yep.

57
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:26,779
Aah!
Ha! Ha-ha-ha!

58
00:02:26,846 --> 00:02:28,381
Come here now.

59
00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:31,751
Wow, well-played.

60
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:32,886
Good job.

61
00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:36,589
Hey! [ Grunts ]

62
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,024
Aah!

63
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:40,527
♪♪

64
00:02:40,593 --> 00:02:41,861
[ Elephant trumpets ]

65
00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:43,263
Whenever I travel
on the ark

66
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,198
to avoid the destruction
of the world,

67
00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:47,300
I go first class.
[ Chuckles ]

68
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,636
Captain Noah,
iceberg right ahead!

69
00:02:49,702 --> 00:02:50,637
So?

70
00:02:50,703 --> 00:02:52,338
The ark was designed
by God himself.

71
00:02:52,405 --> 00:02:54,040
It's unsinkable.

72
00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:58,344
I can't believe
a fancy show horse

73
00:02:58,411 --> 00:03:02,181
like you would ever fall
for a stow-away donkey like me.

74
00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:03,950
My father would never
approve, Jack.

75
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,085
But, you know,
glub-glub drowny-drowny.

76
00:03:06,152 --> 00:03:08,454
Come on, mount me
with that donkey D.

77
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:10,823
Aah!

78
00:03:10,890 --> 00:03:12,292
[ Elephant trumpets ]

79
00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:14,360
Oh, no!

80
00:03:14,427 --> 00:03:16,195
Aaah!

81
00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:18,231
[ Quartet plays ]

82
00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:19,632
God's Rolls-Royce.

83
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:22,969
Let this be my eternal tomb
as I go down with the ship.

84
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:25,171
This ship, which God designed.

85
00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:26,839
Screw you, God!

86
00:03:26,906 --> 00:03:28,675
[ Gurgles ]

87
00:03:28,741 --> 00:03:30,043
[ Elephant trumpets ]

88
00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:31,678
[ Splash ]

89
00:03:31,744 --> 00:03:34,013
[ Monkey chittering ]

90
00:03:34,079 --> 00:03:35,214
Oh, I can see my house
from here.

91
00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:36,549
Focus, Rose.

92
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:38,618
We need to stay alive
until the rescue arks arrive.

93
00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:41,020
And if they --

94
00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:47,694
[ Gasping, panting ]

95
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,096
We're all gonna die!
[ Squeaks ]

96
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:51,831
Hang on, Jack.
I love you.

97
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,132
And I you, Rose.

98
00:03:53,199 --> 00:03:54,734
I want to start
a family with you.

99
00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:57,603
A beautiful family
of hybrid donkey-horses.

100
00:03:57,670 --> 00:03:59,305
Those are
called mules.

101
00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:00,406
Mules?!

102
00:04:00,473 --> 00:04:02,775
I'm not shooting a mule
out of my ass.

103
00:04:02,842 --> 00:04:05,144
They come out
of your vagina.

104
00:04:05,211 --> 00:04:07,580
My vagina?!
Rose!

105
00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:08,581
Ohh-- No, don't!

106
00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:09,983
Oh, no.
Jack, you're sinking...

107
00:04:10,049 --> 00:04:11,384
Ah, it's cold!

108
00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:18,491
♪♪

109
00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:20,927
Announcer: Representing
the United States, from OCP,

110
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,462
it's RoboCop.

111
00:04:22,528 --> 00:04:24,897
And from China,
it's the People's Republic's

112
00:04:24,964 --> 00:04:27,233
awesome, definitely not stolen,
tech corporation

113
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:29,369
with the RoboCarp.

114
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:30,903
Halt!
You are under arrest

115
00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:32,639
for copyright
infringement.

116
00:04:32,705 --> 00:04:35,541
No, you are arrest,
white devil.

117
00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:39,646
Oh, shit.

118
00:04:42,181 --> 00:04:43,483
Follow
the yellow brick road.

119
00:04:43,549 --> 00:04:44,851
Follow
the yellow brick road?

120
00:04:44,917 --> 00:04:47,253
That's right!
Tourists come all over

121
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:48,921
the world to walk
its golden trail.

122
00:04:48,988 --> 00:04:50,790
Old Shelly O'Malley
helped build it.

123
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:51,858
Shelly?

124
00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:55,662
Oh. I'm on a schedule
and don't care. So...

125
00:04:55,728 --> 00:04:59,032
♪ It represents
the blood of our kin ♪

126
00:04:59,098 --> 00:05:02,068
♪ The blood of our kin,
the blood of our kin ♪

127
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,704
♪ They ignored the OSHA rules

128
00:05:04,771 --> 00:05:07,273
♪ The local codes
of safety guides ♪

129
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:10,076
♪ Generations gone,
worked to death, children died ♪

130
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:13,012
♪ I lost my hands

131
00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:14,247
[ Laughs ]

132
00:05:14,313 --> 00:05:16,149
We've got much more information
in our gift shop,

133
00:05:16,215 --> 00:05:17,350
if you'll just --
Oh, she's gone.

134
00:05:17,417 --> 00:05:19,018
♪ La-la-la la-la

135
00:05:19,085 --> 00:05:20,319
Garbage!

136
00:05:20,386 --> 00:05:22,622
Wow, Liv.
A real Hollywood party.

137
00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:25,224
Oh, Maddie,
you sweet Wisconsin rube.

138
00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:27,527
You deserve a taste of your
sister's glamorous life

139
00:05:27,593 --> 00:05:28,628
once in a while.

140
00:05:28,695 --> 00:05:31,030
Liv Rooney,
shining as bright as ever.

141
00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:33,299
And with a twin?
I'm 17.

142
00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:35,134
All right,
and your twin is...

143
00:05:35,201 --> 00:05:36,903
Also 17, idiot.

144
00:05:36,969 --> 00:05:38,971
Oh, look!
An open bar.

145
00:05:39,038 --> 00:05:40,640
Just a warning, Maddie --
out here,

146
00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:43,509
teenage actresses are passed
around like party favors.

147
00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:46,646
Wow! Trevor Trembo from
that super hero movie!

148
00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:49,615
You ladies looked parched,
so I gathered these libations.

149
00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:50,550
We're underage.

150
00:05:50,616 --> 00:05:52,185
Age is just a number.

151
00:05:52,251 --> 00:05:53,986
So is 9-1-1.

152
00:05:54,053 --> 00:05:55,088
[ Slurping ]

153
00:05:55,154 --> 00:05:56,255
Exit stage left...

154
00:05:56,322 --> 00:05:58,691
Wow, I feel like we have
targets on our backs.

155
00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:00,293
Hi. Is one of you
Liv Rooney?

156
00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:02,962
Duh! I'm the one
without glasses?

157
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,698
Yeah, I don't know your whole
life story, but cool, great.

158
00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:07,300
Anyway, that kid from
"Stranger Things"

159
00:06:07,366 --> 00:06:09,402
who looks like a soft-boiled
egg wanted me to ask

160
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:10,903
if you and your sister
will make out with him

161
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:11,771
in his UberBLACK.

162
00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:12,939
I got this one.

163
00:06:13,005 --> 00:06:15,174
You can tell that creep --
We'll do it.

164
00:06:15,241 --> 00:06:16,743
Okay.
Enjoy your decision.

165
00:06:16,809 --> 00:06:18,644
Liv, I thought
you didn't do that.

166
00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:20,580
Maddie, if I could get on
"Stranger Things",

167
00:06:20,646 --> 00:06:22,081
it could make
my whole career.

168
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:24,650
Come on, take on
for Team Rooney!

169
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:25,918
Hello?

170
00:06:25,985 --> 00:06:27,120
Soft-boiled egg?

171
00:06:27,186 --> 00:06:29,355
Sorry, girls,
you snooze you lose.

172
00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:32,457
I can't believe I'm a producer
on "Stranger Things" now!

173
00:06:32,525 --> 00:06:34,193
And I have
a featured role!

174
00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:36,596
[ Engine starts, tires squeal ]

175
00:06:36,662 --> 00:06:39,599
Damn you, egg boy
from "Stranger Things"!

176
00:06:39,665 --> 00:06:42,001
Can we go back
to Wisconsin now?

177
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,803
How would you like
a nice Hawaiian punch?

178
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:45,872
Oh, yeah!

179
00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:49,509
Oh! Ohh, yeah.

180
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:51,110
Oh, yeah!

181
00:06:51,177 --> 00:06:52,779
Oh, yeah!

182
00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:56,149
Oh, yeah!

183
00:06:56,215 --> 00:06:58,451
Together: Slender Man,
Slender Man, suit and tie.

184
00:06:58,518 --> 00:07:02,355
Slender Man, Slender Man,
you will die.

185
00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:03,723
Nothing?

186
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:04,857
[ Grunting ]
Shh. Listen.

187
00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:06,492
I think he's coming.

188
00:07:06,559 --> 00:07:07,660
[ Screaming ]

189
00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:10,196
Sorry I'm late.
Far.

190
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,764
You were far.
Uh...

191
00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:13,266
Slender Man?
Oh, my God.

192
00:07:13,332 --> 00:07:14,600
We --
Just give me a sec.

193
00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:16,169
Give me a sec.
Whoa!

194
00:07:16,235 --> 00:07:17,837
Okay.

195
00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:19,605
Hey, you girls
like Five Guys?

196
00:07:19,672 --> 00:07:21,407
'Cause I am addicted.

197
00:07:21,474 --> 00:07:24,076
[ Laughs ]

198
00:07:24,143 --> 00:07:25,545
Whew!
All right, I'm okay.

199
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:28,114
Seriously, the fries
are amazing.

200
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,082
Five Guys.
Man, I'm tellin' you...

201
00:07:30,149 --> 00:07:31,150
Sorry, sorry.
Go on.

202
00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:32,952
Mary-Sue Elizabeth
of Brighton Drive

203
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:34,654
has earned our wrath.

204
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:35,988
We summon thee!

205
00:07:36,055 --> 00:07:37,323
Why are you fat?

206
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:39,392
Anna!
Yeah, I deserve that.

207
00:07:39,457 --> 00:07:41,394
Look, the first time
I was spotted

208
00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:43,429
I was on a cleanse.
Nice and slim.

209
00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:45,832
So the girl called me
Slender Man.

210
00:07:45,898 --> 00:07:47,700
I have to
live up to the name.

211
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:48,835
And you know the pressure

212
00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:50,570
of keeping your weight
down all the time.

213
00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:52,538
Well, you will, girls.

214
00:07:52,605 --> 00:07:54,340
Believe me, you will.

215
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:57,009
Slender Man, Slender Man,
all the children run.

216
00:07:57,076 --> 00:07:58,578
Slender Man --
Okay. Hey, hey, hey.

217
00:07:58,644 --> 00:07:59,979
Call me Stuart.
Right?

218
00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:01,948
I feel like you're
fat-shaming me now.

219
00:08:02,014 --> 00:08:04,350
Stuart, Stuart,
to him it's fun.

220
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:06,919
You shouldn't worry about
what other people think of you.

221
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,154
You kids are all right.

222
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:09,322
Here.
Take this.

223
00:08:09,388 --> 00:08:10,523
Show it at Five Guys,

224
00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:12,358
and you'll get
$3 off your order.

225
00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:14,126
But don't forget
to make sure they see

226
00:08:14,193 --> 00:08:15,962
the referral number
so I get $3 off, too.

227
00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:17,663
Stuart, come on.
Focus.

228
00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:20,399
This is a picture of Mary,
and here is a lock of her hair.

229
00:08:20,466 --> 00:08:21,701
You have to go
kill her now.

230
00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:22,969
She called me fat.

231
00:08:23,035 --> 00:08:25,638
You know, I feel like
there's a subtext here,

232
00:08:25,705 --> 00:08:27,173
and it's making me
uncomfortable.

233
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,575
Okay, we have to
go home, Stuart.

234
00:08:29,642 --> 00:08:31,210
If our moms wake up
and we're not there...

235
00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:33,645
Yeah, yeah.
I got it. Fine.

236
00:08:33,712 --> 00:08:35,615
Mary on Brighton.
Ugh!

237
00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:37,415
Do your job!

238
00:08:37,482 --> 00:08:40,152
Ugh, these fries
are really good.

239
00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:43,256
Yeah, you see?
You get it, Mary.

240
00:08:43,322 --> 00:08:46,125
[ Chuckles ] I could eat
Five Guys every day.

241
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:49,795
Looks like you did eat
five guys, fatty.

242
00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:51,831
Mm.

243
00:08:51,898 --> 00:08:54,233
Yeah, that
kind of hurts, Mary.

244
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:56,869
Announcer: Welcome back
to the fifth-annual brodeo,

245
00:08:56,936 --> 00:08:59,305
A.K.A. the brony rodeo.

246
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,907
And out of the chute comes
Zeb Deacons,

247
00:09:00,973 --> 00:09:03,743
riding last year's reigning
brodeo champ, Glitter Snap.

248
00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:05,945
When not bronying, Glitter Snap
is a corporate attorney

249
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:07,446
for a yoga lifestyles brand

250
00:09:07,513 --> 00:09:09,715
and also enjoys go-karting
in his spare time.

251
00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:11,317
-Aah! Aah!
-Oh, that does not

252
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,852
look good, folks.

253
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:15,655
Oh, Fuck Ah!

254
00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:20,593
And Glitter Snap's wife Helen
makes the difficult decision...

255
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:22,561
No! No, no, no, no!
Wait, wait, wait!

256
00:09:25,031 --> 00:09:27,066
This isn't Walmart.
Where am I?

257
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:28,567
Happy Family Midge!

258
00:09:28,634 --> 00:09:30,636
Welcome to the Island
of Recalled Toys.

259
00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:31,938
Recalled toys?

260
00:09:32,004 --> 00:09:34,607
But I teach kids about
the beauty of pregnancy.

261
00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:36,742
Well, many of us
are pulled off the shelves

262
00:09:36,809 --> 00:09:39,045
unfairly -- like me!

263
00:09:40,379 --> 00:09:43,316
Anyway, you'll have
plenty of company here.

264
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:49,522
There's very little demand for
a lawn dart that kills children.

265
00:09:49,588 --> 00:09:52,725
Or a sky dancer
that pokes out eyeballs.

266
00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:55,628
Or an Elmo with Tourette's!
Cunt

267
00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:57,129
But we're
all accepted here.

268
00:09:57,196 --> 00:09:59,532
You're home.
Right, everybody?

269
00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:02,568
♪ An Easy Bake Oven
that's hotter than hell ♪

270
00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:05,738
♪ A Tarzan who jacks it
while trying to yell ♪

271
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:08,441
♪ On Christmas day, you'll see

272
00:10:08,507 --> 00:10:11,944
♪ They won't let us
near anyone's tree ♪

273
00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:15,181
♪ The Cabbage Patch dolly
who'll scalp your head bald ♪

274
00:10:15,247 --> 00:10:19,085
♪ A Viper that chokes kids
ain't long for the mall ♪

275
00:10:19,151 --> 00:10:24,190
♪ It's hard to see
how we ever passed toy R&D ♪

276
00:10:24,256 --> 00:10:30,696
♪ Now we're here on the island
of toy travesties ♪

277
00:10:30,763 --> 00:10:34,066
Wow, I guess I can
really be myself with you guys.

278
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,902
Whoo!
Ah, just the miracle of --

279
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:38,404
[ Retches ]

280
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:41,273
[ Screaming ]

281
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:44,810
[ Crying ]

282
00:10:44,877 --> 00:10:45,845
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

283
00:10:45,911 --> 00:10:47,179
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

284
00:10:47,246 --> 00:10:49,181
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

285
00:10:49,248 --> 00:10:50,349
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

286
00:10:50,415 --> 00:10:51,684
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

287
00:10:51,751 --> 00:10:53,519
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

288
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:54,520
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

289
00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:55,855
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

290
00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:57,857
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

291
00:10:57,923 --> 00:11:00,092
Ba-gawk! Bawk.