1
00:00:03,269 --> 00:00:05,305
♪♪

2
00:00:05,372 --> 00:00:06,606
[ Thunder crashes ]

3
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:08,641
[ Theme music plays ]

4
00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:12,312
♪♪

5
00:00:12,379 --> 00:00:14,948
[ Whirring ]

6
00:00:16,416 --> 00:00:17,984
[ Whirring ]

7
00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:20,186
Man: It's alive!
[ Thunder rumbles ]

8
00:00:20,253 --> 00:00:27,560
♪♪

9
00:00:27,627 --> 00:00:29,829
[ Thunder crashes ]

10
00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:39,038
♪♪

11
00:00:40,073 --> 00:00:41,274
♪ Mother Fuckers

12
00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:42,575
♪ It's my wedding day

13
00:00:42,642 --> 00:00:44,344
Narrator:
Freddy Krueger had a dream.

14
00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:46,479
I want my father to walk me
down the aisle.

15
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:49,582
♪ My mom was raped
by all the psychos ♪

16
00:00:49,649 --> 00:00:52,419
Narrator: But this wedding has
a few surprises.

17
00:00:52,485 --> 00:00:53,520
Dude, sunscreen!

18
00:00:53,586 --> 00:00:55,522
Burned alive,
but thanks!

19
00:00:55,588 --> 00:00:56,723
Your father?

20
00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:59,092
Aren't you the Bastard Son
of 100 Maniacs?

21
00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:01,027
Well, I'm the son
of one maniac.

22
00:01:01,094 --> 00:01:02,962
The other 99
lost the race.

23
00:01:03,029 --> 00:01:05,031
So invite them all.

24
00:01:05,098 --> 00:01:06,933
I will!

25
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,468
-Have we met before?
-That depends.

26
00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:11,237
Did you gangbang a nun at
an insane asylum in the '50s?

27
00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:12,739
Catholic
or flying?

28
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,274
Terrified.

29
00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:16,776
♪ Boiler dreams, murder kids

30
00:01:16,843 --> 00:01:19,712
♪ Stabbing the life
out of them ♪

31
00:01:19,779 --> 00:01:21,848
Geez, Mom,
you really got around.

32
00:01:21,914 --> 00:01:25,485
Sure, slut-shame
the violated nun.

33
00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:28,855
♪ Almost married, RSVP

34
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,690
♪ Registered at Macy's

35
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,792
Announcer:
This summer, get ready...

36
00:01:32,859 --> 00:01:33,726
Freddy...

37
00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:34,860
-I'm your...
-Dad.

38
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,162
Murder, bludgeon, kill!

39
00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:38,997
Announcer: ...for the wedding
of a lifetime.

40
00:01:39,065 --> 00:01:40,866
♪ Hundred psycho Johns

41
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,702
♪ How could this go wrong?

42
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,537
♪ Please, it's just Freddy's

43
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:47,307
♪ Messed-up back story

44
00:01:47,372 --> 00:01:51,411
Possible dads,
you're ruining my big day!

45
00:01:51,478 --> 00:01:54,681
Narrator: "Murder Mia!"

46
00:01:54,747 --> 00:01:55,882
Stay frosty.

47
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,918
One of those things
de-spined my entire platoon.

48
00:02:00,086 --> 00:02:01,888
Whoa!

49
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,056
Ow! Ow.

50
00:02:03,122 --> 00:02:04,424
There he is!

51
00:02:05,191 --> 00:02:06,860
Hey.

52
00:02:06,926 --> 00:02:08,394
[ Wheezes ]

53
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:10,128
[ Coughs ]

54
00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:12,799
Hold on.
[ Inhales sharply ]

55
00:02:16,002 --> 00:02:18,137
[ Coughs ]

56
00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:20,540
And he's a preda-dork!

57
00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:22,041
Did you just
come up with that?

58
00:02:22,108 --> 00:02:23,877
You should
do improv, soldier!

59
00:02:26,212 --> 00:02:28,781
♪♪

60
00:02:28,848 --> 00:02:30,750
Please.

61
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,485
[ Baby giggles ]
Thank you.

62
00:02:32,552 --> 00:02:34,220
Now I can climb out.

63
00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:35,788
Wait.

64
00:02:35,855 --> 00:02:38,958
[ Gurgling ]

65
00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:44,564
Free baby, yeah.

66
00:02:45,531 --> 00:02:48,902
Are you ready for
the summer soldier, bitches?

67
00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:51,437
Mom, Dad, like, hello.
I'm getting the operation.

68
00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:53,640
Absolutely not.
I didn't kill

69
00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:57,877
little red plastic commie men
in Korea so you could

70
00:02:57,944 --> 00:02:59,145
mutilate yourself.

71
00:02:59,212 --> 00:03:00,280
I hate you both.

72
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:01,781
Don't you know
how embarrassing it is to be,

73
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,483
like, the only girl
with a slab?

74
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:04,517
Trust the slab!

75
00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:06,252
The slab keeps your feet
on the ground.

76
00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:08,421
The slab
means stability!

77
00:03:08,488 --> 00:03:10,123
Fuck the slab!

78
00:03:10,189 --> 00:03:11,524
She didn't
mean that, dear.

79
00:03:11,591 --> 00:03:13,359
Yes, she did.

80
00:03:13,426 --> 00:03:15,929
My baby hates me.

81
00:03:15,995 --> 00:03:21,834
♪♪

82
00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:23,469
[ Crashing ]

83
00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:25,638
Oh, did I do that?

84
00:03:25,704 --> 00:03:32,412
♪♪

85
00:03:32,478 --> 00:03:33,980
[ Gunshot ]

86
00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:36,950
I got your dick!

87
00:03:37,016 --> 00:03:39,752
♪♪

88
00:03:39,819 --> 00:03:41,487
[ Marching band music plays ]

89
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:43,389
♪♪

90
00:03:43,456 --> 00:03:44,924
[ Clicking ]

91
00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:46,426
[ Crowd booing ]

92
00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:51,531
[ Cheering,
marching band plays ]

93
00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:54,133
[ Roars ]

94
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,869
♪♪

95
00:03:56,936 --> 00:03:57,737
Give me your money!

96
00:03:57,804 --> 00:04:00,039
Help! Help!

97
00:04:03,843 --> 00:04:05,645
Who's that?

98
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:10,083
Won't somebody
help me?

99
00:04:11,117 --> 00:04:13,953
You won't stop me,
masked stranger!

100
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,289
[ Roars ]

101
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:18,391
Oh, that'll do it!

102
00:04:20,159 --> 00:04:21,928
[ Cheering ]

103
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:25,098
Woman: We love you,
whoever you are!

104
00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:26,866
Woman #2:
Where'd the pool guy go?

105
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,935
[ Roars ]

106
00:04:31,904 --> 00:04:33,640
Peanuts!
Get your peanuts here!

107
00:04:33,706 --> 00:04:35,908
Aah! Aah!

108
00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:37,577
Ew.

109
00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:38,845
[ Screaming ]

110
00:04:38,911 --> 00:04:40,913
[ Laughs ]

111
00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:42,281
[ Alarm ringing ]
Oh.

112
00:04:42,348 --> 00:04:44,951
Stupid building codes.

113
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,452
Hey, guys, does this
look weird to you?

114
00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:47,854
Mine looks like
Richard Nixon.

115
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:51,357
Can we hang out one time
without studying our vaginas?

116
00:04:51,424 --> 00:04:52,492
-Aah!
-Oh!

117
00:04:52,558 --> 00:04:54,127
-Ugh!
-Good day, Totally Spies.

118
00:04:54,193 --> 00:04:57,263
Your mis -- Jesus Christ,
put some pants on.

119
00:04:57,330 --> 00:04:59,165
Your mission --
Travel to South America

120
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:00,700
and root out
a cell of radicals

121
00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:02,735
threatening the puppet ruler
we control.

122
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:05,505
These radicals are
teachers and artists.

123
00:05:05,571 --> 00:05:07,040
Who says blondes
are dumb?

124
00:05:07,106 --> 00:05:08,441
Can we, like,
go fight a guy

125
00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:09,942
dressed as a big rat
or something?

126
00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:12,078
No, and to make sure
it goes smoothly,

127
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,414
you'll be joined by
Agent Marshall on loan

128
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,817
from the CIA, and, girls, don't
forget to take your gadgets.

129
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:19,152
Whoosh!

130
00:05:19,218 --> 00:05:20,319
What is this?

131
00:05:20,386 --> 00:05:22,722
That is a cutesy,
cuddly curling iron.

132
00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:23,756
Fun!

133
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:26,325
It packs a lethal dose
of polonium-210.

134
00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:27,994
Uh, fun?

135
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:33,099
♪♪

136
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,501
Hey, guys,
look at their work.

137
00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:37,970
So much culture.
It's amazing.

138
00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:39,338
And banned.

139
00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:40,406
Aah!

140
00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:41,441
Oop, sorry.

141
00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:43,009
Is that too tight?
Nice work.

142
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:44,544
Hand me that cutesy,
cuddly curling iron.

143
00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:45,712
For the polonium?

144
00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:47,613
[ Chuckles ] No, gonna
shove it up his ass.

145
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,216
I thought it was proven
that torture doesn't work.

146
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:51,451
Depends on what
you're trying to do.

147
00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:54,554
If the answer is have fun,
it definitely works.

148
00:05:56,389 --> 00:06:00,193
[ Buzzing, man screaming ]

149
00:06:00,259 --> 00:06:02,562
[ Whirring ]

150
00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:05,164
[ Screaming continues ]

151
00:06:05,231 --> 00:06:07,900
[ Whirring continues ]

152
00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:13,439
Guys, I think
I have PTSD,

153
00:06:13,506 --> 00:06:15,675
post-totally
stressed disorder.

154
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:17,543
Good one, Alex.

155
00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:19,011
[ Cat yowls ]
Ugh! Sam! Sam!

156
00:06:19,078 --> 00:06:20,213
Twitch is not a spy!

157
00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:22,014
Not a spy!

158
00:06:22,081 --> 00:06:23,516
[ Cat yowling ]

159
00:06:23,582 --> 00:06:26,119
♪♪

160
00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:28,788
[ Wheezing ]

161
00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:31,357
Do you need your
heart pills, Grandpa?

162
00:06:31,424 --> 00:06:33,993
[ Grunting ]

163
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,162
But they're right here.

164
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,131
[ Grunting ]

165
00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:39,532
I'm going to
leave these here.

166
00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:40,600
I promise.

167
00:06:40,666 --> 00:06:43,102
[ Grunting ]

168
00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:45,905
This time, I really
won't move them.

169
00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:47,306
[ Grunting ]

170
00:06:47,373 --> 00:06:50,510
[ Gagging, wheezing ]

171
00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:51,878
Grandpa?

172
00:06:51,944 --> 00:06:53,813
Mr. Schindler,
the Talmud says,

173
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:57,383
"Whoever saves one life
saves the world entire."

174
00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:59,585
I -- I could have
saved more.

175
00:06:59,652 --> 00:07:02,488
Oscar, you saved over
1,000 Jews

176
00:07:02,555 --> 00:07:05,191
and one man who claims
to be a werewolf.

177
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,392
This watch, I --

178
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,561
I could've bought two more
with this watch.

179
00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:09,862
No.

180
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:12,899
This car, Goethe offered me
30 Jews for this car,

181
00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:15,067
but I just set
the radio presets the way

182
00:07:15,134 --> 00:07:17,737
I wanted them,
and I turned him down.

183
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,574
Once, I saved a dozen Jews
but had no money

184
00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:25,578
to tip my shoeshine boy,
so I gave him a Jew.

185
00:07:25,645 --> 00:07:28,147
Itzhak, your record player
I gave you...

186
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:29,382
Yes?

187
00:07:29,448 --> 00:07:31,551
...the one I nicknamed
little Anna, and you said,

188
00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:33,186
"What a strange name
for a record player,"

189
00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:35,621
and then I chuckled
but didn't explain why.

190
00:07:35,688 --> 00:07:36,889
Just go, Oscar.

191
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:39,692
We'll erect a monument
to you...or something.

192
00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:40,893
Uh, something modest.

193
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,562
Don't -- don't spend
too many Jews.

194
00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:44,463
I'll tell them.
Goodbye.

195
00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:52,605
♪♪

196
00:07:52,672 --> 00:07:56,843
There can only be one lord
of the ring, Saruman.

197
00:07:56,909 --> 00:07:58,644
[ Gasps ]

198
00:07:58,711 --> 00:07:59,712
Ugh!

199
00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:02,682
The Eagles.
My message got through.

200
00:08:02,748 --> 00:08:04,450
It did.
How could we pass up

201
00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:06,452
playing
for Gandalf the Grey?

202
00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:09,856
Now sit back
and take it easy.

203
00:08:09,922 --> 00:08:14,026
Another morning singing to
my beloved, disgusting town.

204
00:08:14,093 --> 00:08:16,095
Great.
French Anne Hathaway is back.

205
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:19,031
If she comes over here,
I'm blind, deaf, and mute,

206
00:08:19,098 --> 00:08:20,499
got it?

207
00:08:20,566 --> 00:08:24,003
♪ There goes the beggar
with his remaining limbs ♪

208
00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:26,906
♪ He sold his legs
to buy some pants ♪

209
00:08:26,973 --> 00:08:28,875
♪ The street whores
are the grossest ♪

210
00:08:28,941 --> 00:08:30,476
♪ Syphilised all their noses

211
00:08:30,543 --> 00:08:33,412
♪ Just another normal day
in feudal France ♪

212
00:08:33,479 --> 00:08:34,780
Help us, Belle.

213
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:36,749
Help yourself
and learn to read.

214
00:08:36,816 --> 00:08:40,219
♪ There goes the taxman
with his iron shackles ♪

215
00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:43,188
♪ Now watch this asshole
do a dance ♪

216
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:44,891
♪ The death cart rolls on by

217
00:08:44,957 --> 00:08:46,826
♪ The corpses piled high

218
00:08:46,893 --> 00:08:51,230
♪ Just another normal day
in feudal France ♪

219
00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:54,300
♪ Oh, isn't this disgusting

220
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:58,037
♪ The well is full of poop
and human pee ♪

221
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:01,007
♪ Oh, isn't it charming

222
00:09:01,073 --> 00:09:04,911
♪ How the children think
they'll live past 23 ♪

223
00:09:04,977 --> 00:09:06,579
♪ Just another normal day

224
00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:08,214
♪ Just another normal day

225
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:09,982
♪ Just another normal day

226
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:16,455
♪ Just another freakin' day
in feudal France ♪

227
00:09:16,522 --> 00:09:17,790
[ Coughs ]

228
00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:20,259
Oh, Fucking Fuck me.

229
00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:22,161
Oh, my God.
The bipods are here.

230
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:23,462
They're tripods.

231
00:09:23,529 --> 00:09:24,664
Count them, three legs.
Wait.

232
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,666
That's not
two legs and a penis?

233
00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:29,502
Uh, I don't
think so, but maybe.

234
00:09:29,568 --> 00:09:32,138
Uh, I really
think it's a penis.

235
00:09:32,204 --> 00:09:34,040
Ugh, my dick!

236
00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:37,310
Yo, Troy, did you really sign up
for the high-school musical?

237
00:09:37,376 --> 00:09:38,511
Yeah, cool, right?

238
00:09:38,577 --> 00:09:40,646
Hell no,
it's not cool.

239
00:09:40,713 --> 00:09:44,083
♪♪

240
00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:45,985
♪ Dancing is for losers

241
00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:47,920
♪ Singing is for dorks

242
00:09:47,987 --> 00:09:50,957
♪ The musical is
a dead art form ♪

243
00:09:51,023 --> 00:09:52,825
♪ Beggars can't be choosers

244
00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:54,660
♪ The only choice is sports

245
00:09:54,727 --> 00:09:56,963
♪ My asshole keeps
the bench warm ♪

246
00:09:57,029 --> 00:09:58,965
♪ Keep your, keep your
brain on the ball ♪

247
00:09:59,031 --> 00:10:00,766
♪ Keep your, keep your
brain on the ball ♪

248
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:02,301
♪ Keep your, keep your

249
00:10:02,368 --> 00:10:04,470
Guys, guys,
I'm -- I'm confused.

250
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:06,405
You want me to choose basketball
over the musical?

251
00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:07,406
Damn straight.

252
00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:09,308
Dude, listen to
the song.

253
00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:11,110
So you're telling me
not to sing,

254
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:13,179
and you're doing it
in the form of a song.

255
00:10:13,245 --> 00:10:15,214
Sounds like someone
needs another verse.

256
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,316
♪ If an athlete chooses music

257
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:19,385
♪ Light his ass on fire

258
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:22,221
♪ Kill his parents with a rock

259
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:23,622
It's just
kind of hypocritical.

260
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:24,991
That's all I'm saying.

261
00:10:25,057 --> 00:10:26,892
We don't have time to argue
with you all day, man.

262
00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:29,061
We told Coach we'd help
pass out condoms

263
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:30,930
with abstinence slogans
on them.

264
00:10:30,997 --> 00:10:33,132
-Yeah.
-Abstinence!

265
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:38,471
♪ Your ass looks great

266
00:10:38,537 --> 00:10:39,505
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

267
00:10:39,572 --> 00:10:40,840
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

268
00:10:40,906 --> 00:10:42,842
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

269
00:10:42,908 --> 00:10:44,010
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

270
00:10:44,076 --> 00:10:45,344
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

271
00:10:45,411 --> 00:10:47,179
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

272
00:10:47,246 --> 00:10:48,180
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

273
00:10:48,247 --> 00:10:49,515
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

274
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:51,517
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

275
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:53,753
Ba-gawk! Bawk.