1
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CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

2
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:20,019
- IT'S ALIVE !

3
00:00:38,905 --> 00:00:39,806
- YEP.

4
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[SIGHS]

5
00:00:40,807 --> 00:00:42,375
[DING DONG]

6
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- OH, WILL IT HURT?

7
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- ONLY IF GOD HATES YOU.

8
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- HEY, MAMA MIA!

9
00:00:47,046 --> 00:00:48,581
THE CANNOLI, EH,
LASAGNA!

10
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- HEY, PASTA FAZUL,
A SPICY MEATBALL!

11
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:57,257
[WHISTLING]

12
00:00:57,323 --> 00:00:58,258
[DING DONG]

13
00:00:58,324 --> 00:01:01,594
- DUDE, IT'S TIME TO
PIMP YOUR SISTER.

14
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- OH, YEAH!

15
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MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE--

16
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YO, MAN, MY SISTER
RIGHT IN THERE.

17
00:01:04,431 --> 00:01:06,566
COME PIMP THAT BITCH OUT!

18
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- WAIT! W-WAIT!

19
00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:12,071
WAIT! I HAVE HOMEWORK.

20
00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:15,074
- HEY, LADIES!

21
00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:17,076
- WE GON' PIMP YOU OUT!

22
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- GIRL, YOU GOT SERIOUS
LIBRARIAN HAIR.

23
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:22,682
- YOU EVER SEE A HO
SHOP AT THE GAP?

24
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:25,485
- YOU GOT THE POSTURE
OF A LAMP POST, GIRL.

25
00:01:25,551 --> 00:01:27,387
WE GOT TO GIVE YOU
SOME PROSTI-TUDE.

26
00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:29,789
- IF WE GO WITH
A LEOPARD PRINT TANK TOP,

27
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THAT'S A LITTLE TOO
SOUTHEAST NEWARK.

28
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SO WE'RE GOING WITH
MORE OF A CHEETAH PATTERN.

29
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- GARTER BELTS
AIN'T JUST FOR WEDDINGS,
HONEY CHILD.

30
00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:39,899
YOU CAN TUCK
A WEAPON IN THERE.

31
00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:41,868
AT FIRST,
I WAS PRETTY NERVOUS,

32
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:45,305
BUT THESE HOS
ARE ALL ABOUT CLASS.

33
00:01:45,371 --> 00:01:48,475
- SOMETIMES A JOHN
WILL WANT TO DO THAT WITH YOU,

34
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AND THAT'LL COST $10.

35
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- EWW.

36
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- THIS ONE--$50.

37
00:01:52,812 --> 00:01:53,646
- UGH.

38
00:01:53,713 --> 00:01:56,449
- AND THIS ONE
GON' REQUIRE A CREDIT CARD.

39
00:01:57,450 --> 00:01:58,985
- AGAIN!
- DON'T PLAY ME!

40
00:01:59,051 --> 00:02:00,253
- AGAIN!
- DON'T PLAY ME!

41
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- ALL RIGHT, ALEX,
NOW WE AIN'T HAD A LOT
TO WORK WITH HERE,

42
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:05,625
BUT, YO,
CHECK OUT YOUR NEW SISTER!

43
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- ALL RIGHT, LET ME SEE.

44
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[GASPS]

45
00:02:07,926 --> 00:02:09,461
OH, DAMN!

46
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OH, YOU PUT THE HEELS--

47
00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:11,731
AND, OH,
YOU GOT THIS GARTER--

48
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DAMN...

49
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,401
OH, DAMN!

50
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IT'S THE NEW ME--

51
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NOT JUST ON THE OUTSIDE,
BUT ON THE INSIDE, TOO.

52
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[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

53
00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:25,311
- IT'S SO HARD
WHEN THEY LEAVE.

54
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IT'S SO HARD.

55
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- HEY, Y'ALL!

56
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:28,081
HEY, YO, MAN!

57
00:02:28,147 --> 00:02:29,315
YO, COME GET A PIECE
OF MY SISTER!

58
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WHO WANTS TO GET UP
IN MY SISTER'S ASS?

59
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- OH, HELLO, MR. JOHNSON.

60
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- HELLO, AMY.

61
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DO YOU TAKE CREDIT CARDS?

62
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- EWW.

63
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- WE'LL BE DEAD SOON.

64
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- OW.

65
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I'M TELLING MY DAD.

66
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- WELCOME TO
"THE SURREAL LIFE."

67
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- COME ON, COME ON.

68
00:02:57,644 --> 00:02:59,078
GET DOWN.

69
00:02:59,145 --> 00:03:03,383
- LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT
"THE SURREAL LIFE" GANG
HAS BEEN UP TO RECENTLY.

70
00:03:03,449 --> 00:03:05,151
- WE WERE REALLY EXCITED
TO PARTICIPATE

71
00:03:05,218 --> 00:03:07,220
IN THE IDITAROD
DOGSLED RACE...

72
00:03:07,287 --> 00:03:10,857
TILL ONE OF THE DOGS
FELL IN LOVE WITH MANNY MO.

73
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- HELP! THE DOG--

74
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AAH!

75
00:03:13,459 --> 00:03:14,761
- LET'S SEE
WHAT'S IN STORE

76
00:03:14,827 --> 00:03:17,030
FOR OUR
"SURREAL LIFE" FOLKS TODAY.

77
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- WE HAVE TO TAKE
THE ONE RING

78
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AND DESTROY IT
IN THE FIRES OF MOUNT DOOM.

79
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- OOH!

80
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- WAIT, SOMETHING'S COMING!

81
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- AAH!

82
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- THERE'S NO WAY
I'M DOING THIS.

83
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SOMEBODY BETTER
GET ME A CAB

84
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BECAUSE I'M GOING--

85
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- WE MUST HELPS THEM.

86
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THEY'S OUR FRIEND.

87
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THEY HATES MANNY MO.

88
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NO, THEY LOVES US.

89
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IF THEY DIES,
WE GO GET PIZZA.

90
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AAH! AAH!

91
00:04:29,869 --> 00:04:32,472
[SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

92
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[URINATING]

93
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- AHH.

94
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[ROARING]

95
00:04:40,146 --> 00:04:42,281
- AAH!

96
00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:48,588
- BACK TO THE FIRES
THAT FORGED YOU, EVIL TRINKET!

97
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:49,589
WHOA!

98
00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:51,290
- OH!

99
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:59,132
- COREY, YOU SAVED ME, BRO.

100
00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:00,166
- YOU CAN BURN IN HELL.

101
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:01,501
I JUST WANT THE RING.

102
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- COREY, NO!

103
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[SPLAT]

104
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:04,704
OH, BRO!

105
00:05:04,771 --> 00:05:07,974
- OH, FRIENDS,
REMEMBER ME FONDLY...

106
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:12,378
IN "STAND BY ME"
AND IN "THE LOST BOYS"--

107
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ONLY THE FIRST HALF.

108
00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:16,049
WAIT, AND "FRIDAY THE 13th"
WAS PRETTY GOOD--

109
00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:18,351
- NEXT TIME
ON "THE SURREAL LIFE"...

110
00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:23,222
- WELL, RON AND I
HAD TO CHECK OUT
A SUSPICIOUS METEOR.

111
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[BEEPING]

112
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[ROARS]

113
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- BOO !

114
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HEH HEH HEH.

115
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[SCREAMING]

116
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- YOU DIDN'T THINK
IT'D BE THAT EASY, DID YOU?

117
00:05:45,478 --> 00:05:48,347
CHOCOLATE CHICKEN EGGS
FOR EVERYONE!

118
00:05:48,414 --> 00:05:49,615
- 1, 2, 3, 4!

119
00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:51,884
WE LOVE IT WHEN
OUR PLAYERS SCORE!

120
00:05:51,951 --> 00:05:53,286
5, 6, 7, 8!

121
00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:54,954
DOUBLE ENTENDRES
ARE REALLY GREAT!

122
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:58,157
- I WANT TO GO TO DALLAS,
BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.

123
00:05:58,224 --> 00:05:59,425
- WE'RE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS,

124
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WE'LL HAVE SEX
WITH PEOPLE FOR MONEY

125
00:06:01,994 --> 00:06:03,129
AND GIVE IT TO YOU.

126
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- YEAH!

127
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,665
- OH, BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!

128
00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:10,503
- WE'RE SOAKING WET
FROM WASHING YOUR CAR,
MR. THRUSTBONE.

129
00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:13,439
- IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE
WE CAN DO FOR YOU?

130
00:06:13,506 --> 00:06:17,343
- I'LL GIVE YOU $20
FOR ALL OF US TO GO CRAZY.

131
00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:18,044
- WOW!

132
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:21,180
$20 IN 1978 DOLLARS
IS A LOT.

133
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- YEAH! UH-HUH!

134
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UNH! UNH! UNH!

135
00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:24,584
- YEAH!

136
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OH, YOU LOOK JUST LIKE
MY DAUGHTER'S FRIENDS.

137
00:06:26,352 --> 00:06:27,320
OH, YEAH.

138
00:06:27,386 --> 00:06:28,187
OH! OH!

139
00:06:28,254 --> 00:06:30,490
- WATCH OUT FOR THE ICING.

140
00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:31,357
DANG IT.

141
00:06:31,424 --> 00:06:32,692
- WE RAISED $39.

142
00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:36,729
- THAT'S EXACTLY ENOUGH
TO GET TO DALLAS.

143
00:06:36,796 --> 00:06:37,430
YAY!

144
00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:40,533
I'M FINALLY IN DALLAS.

145
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:41,433
- MOO.

146
00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:45,738
- OH, I WONDER HOW MUCH
IT IS TO GET BACK.

147
00:06:55,548 --> 00:06:58,317
- I'M STEPPING DOWN
THE LADDER AND--

148
00:06:58,384 --> 00:06:59,652
UH-OH! OH.

149
00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:01,721
UH-OH, I'M FALLING.

150
00:07:01,788 --> 00:07:02,588
YEAH.

151
00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:04,223
YEAH, I'M FALLING
ON THE MOON.

152
00:07:04,290 --> 00:07:09,095
YES, I'M FALLING
ON THE MOON.

153
00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:11,898
[THUD]

154
00:07:11,964 --> 00:07:13,599
- AAH!

155
00:07:15,034 --> 00:07:19,806
OK, UH, HAILING FREQUENCIES
ARE OPEN.

156
00:07:19,872 --> 00:07:22,608
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

157
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:27,613
[TALKING STOPS]

158
00:07:29,215 --> 00:07:31,951
[ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE]

159
00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:36,055
[SIGHS]

160
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,790
- IS HE GOING TO
DO IT AGAIN?

161
00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:39,558
- WRONG,
YOUR RESERVATIONS ARE.

162
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:41,027
FOR US TO LISTEN
TO RAY GRIFFITHS,

163
00:07:41,093 --> 00:07:44,263
THE ACTOR WHO PLAYED
THE POWER DROID
IN "EPISODE IV,"

164
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:45,665
THIS IS ROOM IS SCHEDULED.

165
00:07:45,731 --> 00:07:46,532
- I RESERVED ROOM A-2

166
00:07:46,599 --> 00:07:47,800
TO WATCH THE "STAR TREK"
BLOOPER REEL

167
00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:50,203
WHERE DeFOREST KELLEY
GRABS MAJEL BARRETT'S CHEST.

168
00:07:50,269 --> 00:07:52,572
THE PRIME DIRECTIVE DEMANDS
THAT YOU LEAVE THE PREMISES.

169
00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:54,340
- THE PRIME DIRECTIVE SUCKS.

170
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:56,475
- YOU SUCK,
YOU NERF HERDER!

171
00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:58,711
- OOH, SEVEN OF NINE...

172
00:07:58,778 --> 00:08:00,446
- I HEARD ONE WILLIAM SHATNER

173
00:08:00,513 --> 00:08:03,282
IS GOING TO DO
A GUEST SPOT ON "ENTERPRISE"

174
00:08:03,349 --> 00:08:04,884
AND NOT AS KIRK!

175
00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:05,685
[GASPING]

176
00:08:05,751 --> 00:08:06,953
- YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

177
00:08:07,019 --> 00:08:10,656
[MAKING SWOOSHING SOUNDS]

178
00:08:10,723 --> 00:08:11,791
- GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN,

179
00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:15,161
WE COULD DISCUSS THIS
LOGICALLY.

180
00:08:15,728 --> 00:08:16,662
[ALL SHOUTING]

181
00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:18,865
- EXCUSE ME,
I'M RAY GRIFFITH.

182
00:08:18,931 --> 00:08:20,832
OH, MY FACE!

183
00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:22,869
- YOU KIDS STOP.

184
00:08:22,935 --> 00:08:23,736
NO FIGHTING.

185
00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:24,770
OH, GET OFF ME. OW.

186
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:25,705
MY NECK, MY SPINE.

187
00:08:25,771 --> 00:08:28,507
OH, NO, NOT LIKE THIS.

188
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,279
- EXCUSE ME,
BUT ARE YOU GENTLEMEN

189
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,147
ENGAGED IN A GAME OF LARP--

190
00:08:35,213 --> 00:08:36,315
LIVE ACTION ROLE-PLAYING?

191
00:08:36,381 --> 00:08:38,351
I HAPPEN TO BE
AN OLD HAND AT IT.

192
00:08:38,417 --> 00:08:39,652
AAH!

193
00:08:39,719 --> 00:08:42,054
LIGHTNING BOLT!
LIGHTNING BOLT!

194
00:08:42,121 --> 00:08:42,889
FIRE--FIRE--

195
00:08:42,955 --> 00:08:45,358
- EXCUSE ME,
THAT'S IMPOLITE.

196
00:08:45,424 --> 00:08:47,159
OW!

197
00:08:47,226 --> 00:08:49,028
STOP!

198
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:51,864
OH, THAT'S IT!

199
00:08:53,165 --> 00:08:55,534
- ALL SYSTEMS READY.

200
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:05,678
- DON'T WORRY,
MR. SCHUMACHER,

201
00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:07,146
WE'LL GET YOU OUT OF HERE.

202
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,147
[GASPS]

203
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,783
- JOEL SCHUMACHER IS
HISTORY'S GREATEST MONSTER.

204
00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:11,717
- GET HIM!

205
00:09:11,784 --> 00:09:12,585
LET'S GET HIM!

206
00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:15,621
[ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE]

207
00:09:15,688 --> 00:09:16,622
- GOT HIM!

208
00:09:16,689 --> 00:09:18,391
I GOT HIM!

209
00:09:19,558 --> 00:09:20,426
- KEEP IT COMING.

210
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:21,427
- OK, GOT IT. GOT IT.

211
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:24,063
- GET ANOTHER ONE.
GET ME ANOTHER ONE.

212
00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:32,705
- SHAME ON YOU.

213
00:09:32,772 --> 00:09:35,708
YOU'VE ALL FORGOTTEN
THE TRUE MEANING OF FANDOM.

214
00:09:35,775 --> 00:09:38,444
WE SHOULD TAKE JOY
IN OUR LOVES,

215
00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:41,347
NOT ARGUE ABOUT THEM.

216
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:42,214
[LAUGHS]

217
00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:44,483
SON OF A BITCH!

218
00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:47,086
[GUNSHOTS]

219
00:10:11,844 --> 00:10:14,547
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

220
00:10:14,613 --> 00:10:18,250
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
--www.ncicap.org--

221
00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:22,188
[CHICKENS CLUCKING THEME SONG]