-Hey, Mama. -Hey, Kalina.
-How are we feeling today?
You know, not too shabby.
Been better. Been worse.
Really running the gamut there, huh?
Yeah.
Hmm. Sounds like someone could use some healing.
Mm-hmm.
Someone sure could.
-Mrs. Harding.
Detective Perez.
I'm surprised to see you here at the station.
Oh, well, I'm surprised that Ben Wood was arrested
when I explicitly said I did not wanna press charges.
Despite your intimate connection to the suspect,
you might also be surprised to learn that you don't control the world.
Oh, I'm sorry that I didn't want the father of my unborn child
to be hauled off by police in front of my other child.
And I'm sorry, but the law is the law. And Ben Wood broke it.
You know, that's funny how some days the law is the law
and then other days, the law is whatever the fuck you want it to be.
And by you, I don't mean the royal you.
I'm literally talking about you.
-And you know what I'm talking about. -Oh, I do know what you're talking about.
Some days our emotions get the better of us.
And some days, sober thoughts prevail.
Unfortunately, in Ben Wood's case, sober thoughts did not prevail
the day he hit you and Miss Hale.
Well, maybe someone in this station
would like to know what I'm talking about, hmm?
I don't think you wanna open that can of worms in here.
Well, then where would you like to open it?
So this is your spirit gate.
It'll help with anxiety.
I'll take it.
And this is your outer gate.
-It's good for pain relief. -Ow.
-You okay? -Yeah.
-Some of these can be a little sticky. -Yes. Sticky.
Oh, shit. I'm so sorry.
Kind of waiting for my friend to call. Could you maybe check it for me?
Okay. This once.
Thank you.
It's Laguna Oncology. You need to take this?
No. No, no, they're just…
…calling to confirm my follow-up scan.
All right, big day! When are we going in?
Uh, soon. Yeah, we just, you know, we gotta double check.
Ah.
Fuck me!
What's that gate?
That's a blocked one.
-We're stressed. We're stressed, okay?
-Let's just try to relax.
-Find our zen place. -Find our zen place.
-And get centered. -Get centered.
Maybe give me a warning next time,
like a, "This one's gonna hurt like a fucking son of a bitch"?
-Okay, you signed up for this. -Yeah.
How dare you come to my office and make veiled threats at me?
They're not veiled.
-You're aware I carry a gun, right? -Okay, I'm just asking you to help Ben.
Oh, please.
His bail will be set faster than anyone should be comfortable with.
-Really? -Yes.
Rich white men don't do time, they buy it.
-Oh, God. -You, on the other hand, do need help.
I don't mean the royal you. I mean the royally screwed you
because they found DNA on Steve Wood's body.
-What? They did? -They did.
Do they know whose it is?
Not yet, but if I had to guess,
I'd probably go with, mm-mm, the person who killed him.
-Oh, my God. Oh, fuck. -Uh-huh. Mm-hmm.
-Fuck, fuck! -Yep. Mm-hmm.
-Fuck. -Whew!
-Fuck! Fuck!
-Fuck!
-Seriously?
-Really? Come on. -Fuck.
-All right, well, what do we do? -No, don't--
There's no more "we." Not anymore.
Goodbye, Mrs. Harding.
Fuck!
-What if I just turn myself in? -What? You can't just give up.
I'm saying, what if I said I did it before they say I did it?
Then-- then don't I get some kind of points or something?
I don't think the FBI works on a point system.
I can't live like this. I'm gonna have a fucking nervous breakdown.
Now I know why you were always so confessy.
Now I know why that drove you nuts.
-Yeah, well… -Okay, look. You have to fight.
You have a baby on the way.
You can't fight science, Judy. It's DNA.
They won't be able to match it to you,
unless they have, like, your hair or your semen or whatever.
Know what? If they have my semen, then we have other problems.
You know what I mean. Your lady semen.
-What? -She-men.
-She-men? -Yeah.
-Okay, I don't know! -I don't fucking know!
I don't even know what the fuck DNA is.
We just need to stay calm. We don't even know what they found.
They could have nothing.
Or they have something, Judy.
And then what? And then there's just-- there's no way out.
There is. There always is.
My mother used to say there's always an exit somewhere.
-You just have to find it. -How's that going for her in jail?
You know what we need?
-A lawyer. -A vacation.
I thought I heard you say "vacation." That would be insane.
Hmm? Or is it the sanest thing I've ever said?
-Okay, come on.
We could go somewhere and relax, like…
…find our zen. Center ourselves.
Okay, we can't just run away.
You have your scans. They're this week.
-Well, I could do them next week. -No, you can't!
What-- what if you have to have more chemo?
Well, then I'm definitely gonna wanna take a vacation first.
Look, I can't just leave here.
-I have work. I have responsibilities. I--
Yes, yes, okay. I get it.
You're totally right.
We should just stay here and tell the kids you're having Ben's baby.
Where would we even go?
Steve has a place in Mexico.
It's right on the beach. We could go there.
Okay, let's take a getaway to the house of the guy
that I am trying to get away with killing.
Hmm. Fair point. I could find somewhere else.
I mean, it could be Mexico. It--
That sounds real nice.
-It does, right? -Yeah.
Pinwheel? Pinwheel? Yeah, there you go.
Oh, little Starvin' Marvins aren't we today?
-Oh, praise Jesus. I'm starving. -These aren't for you.
My blood sugar's crashing.
I only ate a baby's handful of almonds for breakfast.
-Why? -'Cause I'm keeping it tight.
Because I'm in the market for a new man-panion.
-By the way, nice listing. Truly.
-Yeah, well, it comes at a price, so…
Oh, man.
Hey, uh, I wanted to ask you, could you watch the boys for a few days?
And maybe cover me in case I get some bites here?
-For you? And a split of the commish? -Hmm.
-Yeah. -Literally anything.
-Literally? -Anything.
Oh, my God. Thank you.
-Hey. You okay? -Yeah.
-Why? -You just look a little--
-What? -Nothing.
-Congrats, Jen. -Oh, f--
Looks like a lot of interested buyers.
Okay, Karen, I told you
that sellers are not supposed to be at their own open house.
-Then why is Jeff here? -W-why is Jeff here?
Thank you.
-I'm on it.
He looks good with a tan, don't you think?
Almost Italian.
Not sure what fucking region you're talking about, but…
I guess… …beach living really suits him.
-You need to keep it together, Karen.
I'm sorry. It's just really hard to let go of him.
He's my best friend.
I mean, was…
Here.
Karen, I say this with love, but you're making things weird.
-And I need you to leave. -Okay.
No.
-Hmm.
-Not now, Laguna Oncology.
This tile is actually limestone. Mm-hmm.
Bet you thought travertine, huh?
-I did. -Surprise.
-Jen. -Um, what are you still doing here?
Sorry, I was gonna leave, but then I realized I have nowhere else to go.
Also, there's a potential buyer in the safe room.
I thought we agreed to call it the office though, right?
Sorry, it's just so much change all at once.
Karen, do not go in there.
Oh, hi. Can I answer any questions for you?
Well, I certainly hope so.
Agent Glenn Moranis. FBI.
Oh, hello.
Uh, wh-what can I, um--
How did you-- how can I, uh--
Are you-- are you looking to buy a house?
No, I'm looking for you.
Hmm.
-Hey. -Hey.
I found us a great hotel in Baja… Hi!
-Hi. -Glenn? What the… what?
Yeah, um, Agent, uh, Moranis from the FBI
came by the open house to look for me, so that's what's happening.
-Hey, Judy. That's a fun hat. -Hi.
Oh…
This old thing?
It's, um… just my house hat.
It's just the hat I wear in the house.
Yeah.
-Sorry to interrupt your work day. -Mm-hmm.
Looks like you guys had a pretty good turnout over there.
What is that place? Twenty-two hundred square feet?
Uh, it's 2,250. Yeah, you were close.
Oh, close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
-Oh, right. That's…
Uh, I'll only keep you a minute.
Uh, I just have a couple of questions about your relationship with Steve Wood.
Oh, I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well, you were his real estate agent, right?
Uh, yeah, for, like, a blip.
I mean, it's like, did that even happen?
Seems like it did.
Uh, according to our records, you sold him two condos.
All cash. Before he walked out on the deal.
Yeah. Well, yeah, that-- that did happen.
-How much was that for again? -I-- I don't remember.
Yeah, probably not top of mind.
Does 8.6 million ring a bell?
Ding. That-- that sounds right.
And did you know he stole that money from the Greek mafia at the time?
-Like mafia mafia? -Well, they call themselves a syndicate.
A syndicate. Oh, God.
Jeez, that's actually the first time I've ever heard that term.
Wow, I am shocked.
-Well, imagine how they felt. -Right.
But they can't be too surprised, right?
Steve wasn't exactly an angel.
No, Steve was… good.
A fine person.
Did you have any more contact with him after that?
Um…
Mrs. Harding?
Mrs. Harding.
Uh… I don't-- I don't remember.
Sure.
I'm just curious. You ever do any real estate outside Laguna Beach?
No, no, not really. Why?
Because we have a record of you getting a ticket near Angeles Forest
where Steve's body was found.
You do?
Can I ask why you were in Antelope Valley at that time?
Oh, God.
What was I-- I was, um…
I, uh…
-I--
-It was a girls' weekend. Scone? -Oh, yes, please. I love snacks.
-For you. -A girls' weekend in Antelope Valley.
-Yep. -Yeah.
For when you wanna get away, but not too far away.
-Mm-hmm. Yeah. -'Cause you have kids and stress.
Down.
Of course. Who doesn't love a quick getaway?
-Right? -I mean, I don't.
-Oh. -Just ask my wife. Ex-wife.
Yeah. Well--
So, just the two of you, then?
-Yes. -Mm. No.
-Hmm? -We were with our friend Jeff.
-It was a girls' and gay's weekend.
-There was lots of rosé. -Right.
-"Rosé all day," remember that? -You were all, "Hey!"
I was like, "Rosé all day!" He's like, "Don't do that."
Yeah, then she threw up.
-Jeff. -Yeah, so, you know, this one.
-Pregnancy brains. So boop, forgets. -Oh!
-Wow, you're pregnant. -She is.
-I am. I am. -Yeah. Yeah.
I know. I'm a hundred.
-So she gets really tired, as do I. -Mm-hmm.
She has cancer.
-You do? -I do.
Super sad.
So, we're just a bunch of tired, rundown gals.
Now I get the house hat.
-Mm. Yeah. -Yeah.
-I'm so sorry, Judy. -Thank you, Glenn.
Look, I'm gonna let you two get some rest.
If you think of anything else that might be helpful, just gimme a call.
Here to help.
-I'll walk you out. -Oh, thank you.
Ooh, if I can. No, just kidding.
Well, thank you so much for coming. I hope you got everything that you need.
Time will tell. Oh, wow.
-Is that one of yours? -Yeah.
Ah, it's beautiful.
-Thank you. -Hm.
Well, you might wanna get a new frame though.
That one's cracked.
Oh, yeah, I…
…dropped it when I was trying to hang it. Ol' butterfingers over here.
-Right.
And also, Glenn, I don't wanna play the cance card,
but wow, you know, they, like,
shoot all that stuff into you, and you just get so weak.
-Aww. -Gets, like, porous bones.
Throwing up, no good news. Hard to hang art.
-Oh, Jesus.
-Yeah, it's terrible. -Okay, well, thanks again.
Yeah!
Oh, and you know, maybe no more quick getaways for a minute.
Might come back around and ask a few follow-up questions.
Right, yeah, of course.
I mean, we're here. We're not going anywhere.
-Yeah. -Just, uh, be here, hanging out.
-You know where to find us. Obvs. -I do know where to find you. Obvs.
Oh, my God, he knows.
We don't know what he knows.
I mean, he didn't arrest anyone. We're still here, right?
Yeah, well, obviously, we can't go anywhere now.
And why-- why did you tell him that I was pregnant?
-Ben doesn't even know that, Judy. -Well, it's a good cover.
-And why would you bring up Jeff? -He's an alibi.
We weren't with him that weekend.
He was with his child bride of a boyfriend!
So, we'll ask him to corroborate the story.
Oh, my God.
-Where's my Number One Mom mug? -What?
My motherfucking Number One Mom mug! Where is it?
-Uh, it's around here somewhere-- -Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Holy shit! Holy shit, it's gone. He took it.
-What? Who? -Agent Moranis.
-Glenn? -Yeah, he took it.
And now he's gonna match the DNA!
-Oh, my God. -Where did he put it?
-Down his fucking pants? -Maybe.
-I mean, they were chinos. -They were.
Oh, my God. They're gonna know I did it.
And I'm gonna give birth in a jail cell, chained to my bed.
No, no, no, no. You are not going to jail, okay?
We just need to calm down. There is always a way out.
You're right.
Here's what we do.
-We kill Glenn. -We check the dining room. What?
We kill him.
We goodbye him forever, all right? It's the only way.
Jen, we are not killing Glenn.
-No, we make it look like an accident. -What?
Yes, like, uh, an overdose or something, with-- with the pills.
-Okay. Yes. -What pills?
The pain pills that you stole from the hospital.
We can mash 'em up and-- and bake 'em up into a scone or something.
If only I could find the damn--
Oh, here it is!
That-- when-- where did it-- where?
It was in-- in the sink.
-Oh. -Under a bowl.
Well, that makes sense.
Yeah.
So, I guess we won't be needing these.
No.
-Okay. -Okay.
-Jen? -Jeff.
-Jen. -Jeff.
-Judy. -Hi.
Uh, sorry to just show up like this, but--
No, no, no. Mi RV es su RV.
-Okay. -Please, right this way.
-Join me on the lanai. -It's a parking lot, but we're not--
-It's not really beach weather. -Okay.
'Cause it's pretty windy, but--
So, Jeff--
-So, I'm hanging in. -Okay.
It's been emotional. Selling the house.
Ending things with Seb.
-Sebastian. -Aww.
-Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. -Oh, wow.
He seemed so nice when we met him when we were all at that hotel together.
Mm-hmm. That entire weekend.
Oh, right. Those were dark days.
Sneaking around. Lying.
Don't need to revisit that weekend again.
-Well, you might have to, actually. -Mm-hmm.
With the FBI, actually.
The FBI? Why would I need to talk to the FBI?
-Uh, that's, uh, because they-- -Uh, 'cause… they're--
Did Karen put you up to this?
-What? -Trying to get me in trouble, isn't she?
-Yep. -She sure is.
She cannot let go.
I mean, sure, I cheated on her multiple times.
There may have been a bit of methamphetamines that weekend.
It was just one time a couple of times.
-Okay, so here's the thing-- Hmm? -She probably had me followed, didn't she?
Someone take pictures? Jesus.
Now she's gonna use it all against me in the divorce, isn't she?
No, not if you say that you were with us
on, um, a girls' weekend.
Right. I mean, we could be your alibi.
Alibi. Yeah.
Jeff, do you have any more Absolut? Because I'm making martoonis.
-Jen? -Christopher.
-Judy? -Hi.
So, in any event, uh, thank you. I so appreciate you ladies having my back.
I owe you one. I guess I owe you two.
Well, why-- why do you owe me two?
I was going to mention it, and then, you know, I didn't.
Remember the street camera footage you asked me to delete?
You should see the resolution on our street cam.
Kind of a home safety nerd.
-How do you erase it? -I don't. I keep it all in the cloud.
Cloud. Cloud. Cloud. Cloud.
Yeah?
I didn't delete it.
Delete footage? What'd you do this time? Murder a man in cold blood?
That's a good one.
-Oh! Ow!
Anyway, I tried, but Karen reset our cloud password.
-Oh, fuck. -Oh!
As you know, she can be very vindictive.
Especially when she's in that house, all alone with her guns.
Right.
Anyway, thank you so much for stopping by.
Christopher.
Bye.
Beautiful lanai.
-Hello… friend. -Hi.
Hi.
Thinking you might be up for a little visit.
Mm-hmm.
Is that… Mexican lasagna?
-With extra raisins. -Thank you.
Mmm. Do you wanna come in?
-Mm-hmm. -Yeah.
I was just telling Judy about your safe room.
Love to see it.
And this is from when Jeff and I went to Key West.
Mm-hmm.
-Aww. -Mm-hmm.
And this is when we went to Fire Island.
Jeff. He looks good, don't you think?
You know what?
Karen, uh, I'm gonna say this to you as your… friend.
You really-- you gotta stop dwelling.
Oh, my God, Karen.
You know what? If I were you, honestly, I would just erase the whole cloud.
-The whole thing. -Yeah.
-Really? -Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, the cloud is the past.
-Mm-hmm. -That's what's holding you back, Kare.
-Yeah. -Aww, Jeff used to call me that.
He called me his little Kare package.
Fuck Jeff! Fuck that guy.
He never let me.
Oh, jeez. So, guess what. Let's dump him.
-Yes, right in the trash. -Dump him.
I need to think about it. I'm-- I'm not spontaneous.
-I'm a planner!
I mean, hello, I built a safe room!
Yeah, like, what exactly are you planning for?
The apocalypse.
-Right. -Cool.
-Yeah. I mean, so prepared. Right. -That's, like, such forward-thinking.
But for the first time in my personal life,
I-- I have no idea what's coming.
And I'm not sure I wanna find out, you know?
It's just all too scary.
I get it.
You got this, Kare bear, okay?
You just gotta do one step at a time.
Yeah, you know what?
Why don't you just start with erasing last year?
Oh, my G-- um, yes.
Can we admit that this was a shitty year?
-Yeah. -It really was.
Shitty last couple of years.
-Sucked. Mm-hmm. -Really bad.
Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
-Okay. -You can do it.
-We have faith in you. -Come on.
-You got this.
-You got it. Just drag it!
-You did it! -Yay!
-Look at you! -Look, doesn't that feel good?
-Wow! -It does. It does!
And if I wanna see it again, I-- I have it backed up on my hard drive.
-You know we're gonna have to take this. -Yeah, we'll keep it safe.
What do people do to relax when they can't drink?
I don't know.
Can I take a lick of one of these?
-Ooh, I wouldn't. -Oh, come on.
-Just a little tiny lick. -Mm-mm.
-Oh, man.
-You okay? -Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm just a tired, rundown gal.
Hey, uh, when is your scan? You didn't tell me.
Oh, that's 'cause, um, haven't made the appointment yet.
What? Why?
Judy, come on, we've gone through this. You have to follow up.
I know. I just--
I don't…
-I don't wanna know. -Oh.
I just wanna stay here.
-In my safe room. -Oh, girlie.
We aren't at the apocalypse yet, okay?
What if it's coming?
What if it's not good?
Then we fucking fight.
Like we do.
'Cause we are a couple of badass,
pregnant, cancerous bitches.
Okay?
Okay.
Laguna Oncology. Thanks for holding.
Hi. Hi. This is Judy Hale.
I'm calling to schedule my PET-CT scan.
One moment, please.
Thank you.
Oh, fuck.
Look, I don't know how to tell you this, but…
…I found something upsetting on my street cam footage.
You did?
I mean, I'm thinking about going to the police,
but I thought it was only fair to warn you.
Warn me about what?
You never know what kind of sicko is living right next door.
-Karen… -Hang on. Now, where…
-Karen. -Oh, wait, let me favorite that one.
-You need to do that now? -Oh, that's cute.
-Oh, for fuck's sake. Karen.
Oh, here.
Look at this.
-Hmm?
Jen, we can't let this guy buy my house.
No.
-No. -No.
I mean…
…what kind of creep goes through someone's garbage?
With gloves and everything? Gloves.
-This is premeditated. -Yeah.
Now you see why I own so many guns?
I do. Yeah.
Yeah.
Mrs. Harding.
Hello again. Brought you something.
Oh, scones.