1
00:00:13,698 --> 00:00:16,265
Seat backs up,
fasten your seatbelts.
2
00:00:16,265 --> 00:00:17,533
Let me get your seat back.
3
00:00:17,533 --> 00:00:19,301
This needs to go up.
And fasten your seatbelt, sir.
4
00:00:19,301 --> 00:00:20,535
- Seatbelt?
- Yeah.
5
00:00:20,535 --> 00:00:22,438
Just more government
interference.
6
00:00:22,438 --> 00:00:24,206
Next thing you know,
they won't let me have
7
00:00:24,206 --> 00:00:25,274
an abortion on the plane.
8
00:00:25,274 --> 00:00:27,076
Oh, okay. I'm glad I could help.
9
00:00:27,076 --> 00:00:28,411
Um, and, sir, if you just wanna
10
00:00:28,411 --> 00:00:30,278
- close your laptop there.
- Oh, yeah.
11
00:00:30,278 --> 00:00:32,213
- And then if you just wanna
turn your phone off. Thanks.
- Sure. Yeah. Okay. Got it.
12
00:00:32,213 --> 00:00:33,981
At this time we ask you
to fasten all seatbelts
13
00:00:33,981 --> 00:00:36,113
and turn off
all electronic devices
as we prepare for takeoff.
14
00:00:36,113 --> 00:00:37,486
Hey, Larr.
What's up with Lewis?
15
00:00:37,486 --> 00:00:39,255
I thought he was coming to
Atlanta with us for the trial.
16
00:00:39,255 --> 00:00:40,822
Oh, no.
He left two days earlier.
17
00:00:40,822 --> 00:00:42,157
- So he's there now?
- Yeah.
18
00:00:42,157 --> 00:00:43,625
He went out with this woman
30 years ago.
19
00:00:43,625 --> 00:00:45,327
They broke up.
She lives in Atlanta now,
20
00:00:45,327 --> 00:00:46,462
so he's gonna see her.
21
00:00:46,462 --> 00:00:48,164
- Rekindling?
- Rekindling.
22
00:00:48,164 --> 00:00:49,631
I hope it works out for him.
23
00:00:49,631 --> 00:00:51,769
Oh, yeah.
I'm sure it's gonna work out.
24
00:00:52,536 --> 00:00:53,869
Larry, when we get in the air,
25
00:00:53,869 --> 00:00:55,838
I'm gonna watch
your little show Seinfeld.
26
00:00:55,838 --> 00:00:58,202
- Never seen it.
- Oh, yeah? It's about time.
27
00:00:58,202 --> 00:01:00,475
I'm gonna watch that shit.
I'll tell you how it is.
28
00:01:00,475 --> 00:01:02,445
I'm not really interested
in your opinion.
29
00:01:02,445 --> 00:01:05,147
- What do you mean?
- I don't consider you a person.
30
00:01:05,147 --> 00:01:07,216
We'll see.
31
00:01:13,391 --> 00:01:14,789
- Excuse me, sir?
- Oh.
32
00:01:14,789 --> 00:01:16,991
Someone let me know
that your phone is still on.
33
00:01:16,991 --> 00:01:19,595
We need to put that on
airplane mode or stow it away.
34
00:01:19,595 --> 00:01:20,862
Who would do
something like that?
35
00:01:20,862 --> 00:01:22,898
I'm not gonna disclose that.
And your seatbelt's off.
36
00:01:22,898 --> 00:01:25,034
- But why won't you tell me?
- Why would I tell you?
37
00:01:25,034 --> 00:01:26,302
Because I'd like to know
38
00:01:26,302 --> 00:01:27,871
if there's a squealer
on this plane.
39
00:01:27,871 --> 00:01:28,770
I'd like to know who it is.
40
00:01:28,770 --> 00:01:30,439
I'm not comfortable flying
with a squealer.
41
00:01:30,439 --> 00:01:32,208
Sir, you're not comfortable
with a squealer
42
00:01:32,208 --> 00:01:33,442
yet you're asking me to squeal?
43
00:01:33,442 --> 00:01:34,878
That's a different
kind of squealing.
44
00:01:34,878 --> 00:01:36,279
It seems very hypocritical.
45
00:01:36,279 --> 00:01:37,412
I could see on its face that
46
00:01:37,412 --> 00:01:38,547
- it does seem that way.
- Okay.
47
00:01:38,547 --> 00:01:39,847
But if you examine it,
it's really not.
48
00:01:39,847 --> 00:01:42,017
I'm not gonna squeal
on the squealer, okay?
49
00:01:42,017 --> 00:01:44,353
- And let's keep that phone off.
- Okay. Sure. Yeah.
50
00:01:44,353 --> 00:01:46,522
- Thank you. Good job. Thank you.
- I got it. Yeah.
51
00:01:46,522 --> 00:01:48,322
Okay.
52
00:01:48,322 --> 00:01:50,359
We apologize for the delay.
We are next in line for takeoff.
53
00:01:50,359 --> 00:01:51,694
Flight attendants,
prepare for departure.
54
00:01:51,694 --> 00:01:53,595
Sir? Sir, we need you
to buckle up.
55
00:01:53,595 --> 00:01:55,163
- Huh? What? Huh?
- We need you to buckle up.
56
00:01:55,163 --> 00:01:57,099
- Oh, yeah. No, no.
I was just-- Yeah.
- I know what you were doing.
57
00:01:57,099 --> 00:01:59,501
- Okay. Just gonna stay seated.
Okay?
- Okay.
58
00:01:59,501 --> 00:02:01,570
Hey, you told her
that I was on the phone?
59
00:02:01,570 --> 00:02:03,839
- How dare you
accuse me of squealing?
- Huh? Just asking.
60
00:02:03,839 --> 00:02:05,874
I'm schlepping all the way
to fuckin' Atlanta
61
00:02:05,874 --> 00:02:08,677
to support you,
on my anniversary, no less.
62
00:02:08,677 --> 00:02:10,340
It still doesn't mean
you couldn't have done it,
63
00:02:10,340 --> 00:02:11,680
- even if you are coming
to support me.
- Oh, please.
64
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:13,215
I have better things to do
than squeal on you.
65
00:02:13,215 --> 00:02:15,518
Well, it's about plane safety.
I'm sure you're interested
in that.
66
00:02:15,518 --> 00:02:16,652
I don't give a shit.
67
00:02:16,652 --> 00:02:18,687
You tell her about my phone?
Was that you?
68
00:02:18,687 --> 00:02:20,723
- You think I did that shit?
- Everyone's a suspect.
69
00:02:20,723 --> 00:02:22,725
- You think I'm a fuckin' snitch?
- I don't think you're above it.
70
00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:25,194
- Oh. It's like that?
- Yeah. It's like that.
71
00:02:25,194 --> 00:02:26,362
Why would I draw attention
72
00:02:26,362 --> 00:02:28,930
when I got
my own fucking phone on?
73
00:02:28,930 --> 00:02:31,066
- Your phone's on?
- Fuck yeah, my phone is on.
74
00:02:31,066 --> 00:02:33,035
- His phone's on.
- His phone, sir?
75
00:02:33,035 --> 00:02:35,471
- Check it out. Check it out.
- Come on. Really?
76
00:02:35,471 --> 00:02:36,638
Look at his phone.
Look at his phone.
77
00:02:36,638 --> 00:02:38,207
You're squealing on someone now?
78
00:02:38,207 --> 00:02:41,444
Yeah, he's endangering the rest
of the passengers. He is.
79
00:02:41,444 --> 00:02:43,044
Okay. Okay.
Look, it came back on by itself.
80
00:02:43,044 --> 00:02:45,380
- Please turn that off.
- No. He left-- he left it on.
81
00:02:45,380 --> 00:02:46,919
And is your phone now off?
82
00:02:47,586 --> 00:02:48,583
Yes.
83
00:02:48,583 --> 00:02:51,757
Show her. Show your phone.
Show it to her.
84
00:02:52,156 --> 00:02:53,555
Oh, my God. Oh.
85
00:02:53,555 --> 00:02:55,424
- I thought I turned it off.
- That's on.
86
00:02:55,424 --> 00:02:56,592
Can you turn that
onto airplane mode?
87
00:02:56,592 --> 00:02:58,460
- Sure. Yeah.
- Thank you so much.
88
00:02:58,460 --> 00:02:59,729
Larry. Larry.
89
00:02:59,729 --> 00:03:00,866
Yeah?
90
00:03:03,134 --> 00:03:04,233
This guy back here.
91
00:03:04,233 --> 00:03:05,869
What?
92
00:03:05,869 --> 00:03:07,236
Oh, it-- it flipped on.
93
00:03:07,236 --> 00:03:08,470
Why would you do that to me?
94
00:03:08,470 --> 00:03:09,838
Passenger safety.
95
00:03:09,838 --> 00:03:12,608
You're dealing with three
very disturbed individuals here.
96
00:03:12,608 --> 00:03:14,877
Thank you. Everyone,
the plane is taxiing, okay?
97
00:03:14,877 --> 00:03:16,880
I need your phones
to be off or stowed
98
00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:18,247
and seatbelts fastened.
99
00:03:18,247 --> 00:03:19,885
- Okay.
- Okay.
100
00:03:22,418 --> 00:03:24,253
- That's bullshit.
- That's some bullshit.
101
00:03:24,253 --> 00:03:25,958
That's that bullshit.
102
00:03:30,394 --> 00:03:31,426
I watched a few, uh,
103
00:03:31,426 --> 00:03:32,961
Seinfeld episodes
on the plane and shit.
104
00:03:32,961 --> 00:03:36,465
You never told me
it was a show about weekly ass.
105
00:03:36,465 --> 00:03:37,933
It's not a show
about weekly ass.
106
00:03:37,933 --> 00:03:39,835
Jerry just constantly
got ass every week.
107
00:03:39,835 --> 00:03:41,503
You know what I thought it was
from the beginning?
108
00:03:41,503 --> 00:03:43,306
I said, "This ain't a fucking,
uh, TV show."
109
00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:44,941
"This is more
of a fuck documentary."
110
00:03:44,941 --> 00:03:46,475
That's what it felt like.
111
00:03:46,475 --> 00:03:48,644
Yeah, man. And how do you
fuck that much, man?
112
00:03:48,644 --> 00:03:50,679
It's like you need--
you need, like, extra dicks.
113
00:03:50,679 --> 00:03:52,581
Like-- Like you got
your own dick,
114
00:03:52,581 --> 00:03:54,316
but then you gotta have
a backup dick.
115
00:03:54,316 --> 00:03:55,584
A dick should be
interchangeable.
116
00:03:55,584 --> 00:03:56,951
Yeah. Like a pair of glasses.
117
00:03:56,951 --> 00:03:58,620
- It should be like
a pair of glasses.
- Yeah!
118
00:03:58,620 --> 00:04:00,322
You could put one on
in the morning.
119
00:04:00,322 --> 00:04:01,657
Yeah. Quick,
put that motherfucker on.
120
00:04:01,657 --> 00:04:03,392
That way, you ain't wearing out
your original dick.
121
00:04:03,392 --> 00:04:05,494
Like when a lady say,
"Oh, more, more."
122
00:04:05,494 --> 00:04:06,629
"Oh, you want more?
123
00:04:06,629 --> 00:04:07,763
Oh, I-- I'm-- I'mma take
my other dick
124
00:04:07,763 --> 00:04:09,665
out my back pocket."
125
00:04:09,665 --> 00:04:11,667
- See that?
- Right.
126
00:04:11,667 --> 00:04:13,536
Oh. Oh. There's our exit.
127
00:04:15,771 --> 00:04:17,740
Hey, she's not--
She won't let me in.
128
00:04:17,740 --> 00:04:19,508
Hey, let me in. Let me in!
129
00:04:19,508 --> 00:04:20,943
Can we get over?
130
00:04:20,943 --> 00:04:25,214
Hey! Can we get in?
Hey! What's wrong with you?
131
00:04:25,214 --> 00:04:26,548
We're trying to get in!
132
00:04:26,548 --> 00:04:27,750
She's speeding up!
133
00:04:27,750 --> 00:04:29,352
We wanna get off the highway!
134
00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:32,154
Are you kidding me?
What is with this woman?
135
00:04:32,154 --> 00:04:33,559
Won't let us in!
136
00:04:35,822 --> 00:04:38,631
Oh, shit!
137
00:04:39,030 --> 00:04:40,529
Fuck you too!
138
00:04:40,529 --> 00:04:42,531
What?
I just wanna get in!
139
00:04:42,531 --> 00:04:44,270
What kind of person
does something like that?
140
00:04:44,736 --> 00:04:46,038
Fuck you!
141
00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:52,309
Appreciate it.
- Thank you.
142
00:04:52,309 --> 00:04:53,743
Whoo!
143
00:04:53,743 --> 00:04:56,745
Mr. David, pulling for you, man.
144
00:04:56,745 --> 00:04:58,876
- Appreciate it. Thank you.
- You got it, brother.
145
00:04:58,876 --> 00:04:59,848
Look at you, man.
146
00:04:59,848 --> 00:05:01,684
Most popular White man
in America right now.
147
00:05:01,684 --> 00:05:03,352
You don't have to buy
a pack of Kools
148
00:05:03,352 --> 00:05:05,121
for the rest of your life.
149
00:05:05,121 --> 00:05:06,323
- Excellent.
- I'll be back.
150
00:05:07,623 --> 00:05:09,424
Oh, my gosh.
151
00:05:09,424 --> 00:05:10,659
Preston, come here.
152
00:05:10,659 --> 00:05:13,662
- I am so sorry, sir. No--
- Hey, that's fine.
153
00:05:13,662 --> 00:05:14,996
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
154
00:05:14,996 --> 00:05:18,367
Okay. Preston, what do we say
when we hurt somebody?
155
00:05:18,367 --> 00:05:19,668
It-- it's okay.
It didn't hurt me at all.
156
00:05:19,668 --> 00:05:21,102
No, no, no.
Just one more second. No, no.
157
00:05:21,102 --> 00:05:22,938
- Come on.
We just talked about this.
- Yeah. Yeah.
158
00:05:22,938 --> 00:05:25,241
- Okay? We say I'm... s...
- Okay, I-- I--
159
00:05:25,241 --> 00:05:26,308
Uh...
160
00:05:26,308 --> 00:05:28,377
- Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
- I'm...
161
00:05:28,377 --> 00:05:30,979
Please don't help him out.
I want him to learn this. Okay?
162
00:05:30,979 --> 00:05:33,416
- All right. We're good.
Thank you.
- No, no, no. We're not done yet.
163
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:34,749
We're gonna learn
this lesson here,
164
00:05:34,749 --> 00:05:36,119
'cause this is a really
important lesson.
165
00:05:36,119 --> 00:05:38,121
Hey, hey. We don't have
to learn the lesson,
166
00:05:38,121 --> 00:05:39,555
but I'll tell you what.
167
00:05:39,555 --> 00:05:40,990
If you want me to participate
in this lesson...
168
00:05:40,990 --> 00:05:43,120
- Yeah.
- Okay. Here's my two cents.
169
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,094
Okay. Great. Listen to the man.
170
00:05:45,094 --> 00:05:50,099
I'm 76 years old and I have
never learned a lesson
171
00:05:50,099 --> 00:05:52,835
in my entire life.
172
00:05:52,835 --> 00:05:53,870
Oh-ho!
173
00:05:53,870 --> 00:05:55,370
- Do you think that's helping?
- I do.
174
00:05:55,370 --> 00:05:58,677
That's who we don't wanna be
like, okay? Come on. Let's go.
175
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,844
The trial of
the State of Georgia
176
00:06:01,844 --> 00:06:04,007
versus Larry David
is underway...
177
00:06:04,007 --> 00:06:06,781
- You're kidding me.
- ...with jury selection
beginning tomorrow.
178
00:06:06,781 --> 00:06:09,519
Could you do me a favor?
Could you put on ESPN please?
179
00:06:09,519 --> 00:06:10,585
Thank you.
180
00:06:10,585 --> 00:06:11,886
So why don't you
wanna come with us?
181
00:06:11,886 --> 00:06:13,222
We're going
to Auntie Rae's restaurant.
182
00:06:13,222 --> 00:06:15,024
- It's supposed to be great.
- I know. Send her my love.
183
00:06:15,024 --> 00:06:17,693
But I'm here to see,
you know, Cynthia.
184
00:06:17,693 --> 00:06:19,362
We're getting along great.
185
00:06:19,362 --> 00:06:20,729
In bed, everything is cool.
186
00:06:20,729 --> 00:06:22,131
- We're still great lovers.
- Ugh.
187
00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:23,866
What are you--
Why are you annoyed?
188
00:06:23,866 --> 00:06:25,434
- You can't-- Why can't you--
- That's TMI.
189
00:06:25,434 --> 00:06:26,635
- We don't wanna hear that.
- Why? What is--
190
00:06:26,635 --> 00:06:28,870
'Cause it's a--
It's a picture of you, uh...
191
00:06:28,870 --> 00:06:31,073
- No, no!
- You don't have to picture me.
Picture her!
192
00:06:31,073 --> 00:06:32,441
We don't wanna picture that.
193
00:06:32,441 --> 00:06:33,742
- Why can't I--
- No. Please, no.
194
00:06:33,742 --> 00:06:36,078
I'd rather picture my parents
naked than you naked.
195
00:06:36,078 --> 00:06:38,081
- Don't mention
intercourse anymore.
- Really.
196
00:06:38,081 --> 00:06:39,352
A little bit nauseous.
197
00:06:40,285 --> 00:06:41,585
- Oh, hey.
- Hey, what's up?
198
00:06:41,585 --> 00:06:42,918
Hey, man.
199
00:06:42,918 --> 00:06:44,087
- Scotch.
- So you guys--
200
00:06:44,087 --> 00:06:46,788
It sounds like you were,
like, madly in love.
201
00:06:46,788 --> 00:06:49,258
We were deeply in love.
- Wow.
202
00:06:49,258 --> 00:06:52,394
In fact, so much in love
that when I broke up with her,
203
00:06:52,394 --> 00:06:54,333
- she attempted suicide.
- Ooh.
204
00:06:55,333 --> 00:06:56,665
- Really?
- What?
205
00:06:56,665 --> 00:06:58,868
You're telling me
that if she can't have you,
206
00:06:58,868 --> 00:07:01,169
- she'd rather be dead?
- I guess so.
207
00:07:01,169 --> 00:07:02,971
You know, sometimes
when you break up with someone,
208
00:07:02,971 --> 00:07:06,142
to get pity, they say
they attempted suicide
209
00:07:06,142 --> 00:07:07,643
so the person
will go back with them.
210
00:07:07,643 --> 00:07:09,145
- It's manipulative.
- It's manipulative. Yeah.
211
00:07:09,145 --> 00:07:11,013
Wait a minute. You're doubting
her suicide attempt?
212
00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:12,581
You think
you're suicide material?
213
00:07:12,581 --> 00:07:14,050
- Yeah, yeah. Absolutely.
- Really?
214
00:07:14,050 --> 00:07:15,852
- Richard.
- Hi, beautiful.
215
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:17,253
- Hi.
- Good to see you, baby.
216
00:07:17,253 --> 00:07:19,255
- Good to see you, too.
- This must be Cynthia.
217
00:07:19,255 --> 00:07:20,389
- It sure is.
- Yes.
218
00:07:20,389 --> 00:07:21,557
- Hi.
- Hi. Susie.
219
00:07:21,557 --> 00:07:23,558
- Susie, nice to meet you.
- My husband, Jeff.
220
00:07:23,558 --> 00:07:25,261
- Hi, Jeff.
- Pleasure.
221
00:07:25,261 --> 00:07:26,762
- Hey.
- It's a pleasure
to meet you.
222
00:07:26,762 --> 00:07:27,763
And Larry. You know Larry.
223
00:07:27,763 --> 00:07:29,030
- It's her.
- Yeah.
224
00:07:29,030 --> 00:07:30,833
Yeah, Larry's over here.
Big shot Larry on the news.
225
00:07:30,833 --> 00:07:32,734
- Larry. Yes.
- Hello.
226
00:07:32,734 --> 00:07:34,236
- And his friend Leon.
- Hi. Yeah.
227
00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:36,438
- Hey, how you doin'?
- I'm good. How are you?
228
00:07:36,438 --> 00:07:37,473
Nice to meet you.
229
00:07:37,473 --> 00:07:40,575
I think we met
earlier today, actually.
230
00:07:40,575 --> 00:07:42,778
On I-85.
I was trying to get over
231
00:07:42,778 --> 00:07:44,113
to the exit.
Yeah.
232
00:07:44,113 --> 00:07:47,916
And, uh, you wouldn't--
you wouldn't let me in.
233
00:07:47,916 --> 00:07:51,054
What-- I don't think I--
Doesn't sound like me.
234
00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:53,823
- Do you have a blue Mercedes?
- I do.
235
00:07:53,823 --> 00:07:55,624
- Huh.
- But it wasn't me.
236
00:07:55,624 --> 00:07:58,628
I wasn't even on I-85 today.
So you just--
237
00:07:58,628 --> 00:08:00,697
You weren't on I-85 today?
238
00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:02,431
I was not on I-85 today.
239
00:08:02,431 --> 00:08:05,334
You know, this is exciting to
hear this Highway Patrol story,
240
00:08:05,334 --> 00:08:07,468
but we're gonna go eat dinner
and have some time...
241
00:08:07,468 --> 00:08:10,606
That's right. Enjoy dinner.
242
00:08:10,606 --> 00:08:13,141
- Say hello to Auntie Rae.
- Enjoy your evening.
It was very nice to meet you.
243
00:08:13,141 --> 00:08:16,145
Thanks for everything.
Both of you.
244
00:08:16,145 --> 00:08:18,013
All right, guys. We gotta go.
We have a reservation.
245
00:08:18,013 --> 00:08:20,082
I know the Highway Patrol theme.
I was singing it.
246
00:08:20,082 --> 00:08:21,583
Go.
247
00:08:21,583 --> 00:08:23,052
That's wonderful, Larr.
248
00:08:23,052 --> 00:08:24,553
If you need anything else,
let me know.
249
00:08:24,553 --> 00:08:25,788
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
250
00:08:25,788 --> 00:08:27,022
- Hi, guys.
- Hello, Cheryl.
251
00:08:27,022 --> 00:08:28,623
How's it going?
252
00:08:28,623 --> 00:08:29,792
- You just got here?
- Yeah.
253
00:08:29,792 --> 00:08:31,059
Wanna come to dinner with us?
254
00:08:31,059 --> 00:08:33,095
We're going to Auntie Rae's.
It's gonna be delicious.
255
00:08:33,095 --> 00:08:34,897
- Oh. No, I'm waiting for Ted.
- Oh.
256
00:08:34,897 --> 00:08:36,132
He's finishing up an interview
257
00:08:36,132 --> 00:08:37,934
because he's protesting
tomorrow.
258
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:39,969
- Oh, okay.
- On your behalf.
259
00:08:39,969 --> 00:08:42,371
No, he's protesting
on his behalf.
260
00:08:42,371 --> 00:08:45,908
He's not gonna stand by
and let people be mistreated.
261
00:08:45,908 --> 00:08:47,844
He's not gonna stand by
off camera
262
00:08:47,844 --> 00:08:49,045
and let people be mistreated.
263
00:08:49,045 --> 00:08:51,780
Okay. Anyway, we're gonna go
to dinner after.
264
00:08:51,780 --> 00:08:53,949
Do you know
of any good places around here?
265
00:08:53,949 --> 00:08:56,152
Oh, oh. The Mexican place.
266
00:08:56,152 --> 00:08:57,653
Oh, that place is good,
La Conde.
267
00:08:57,653 --> 00:08:58,955
No, no.
She doesn't like Mexican food.
268
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,555
- No?
- No.
269
00:09:00,555 --> 00:09:02,457
Well, you go to the left
and there's like
a million restaurants.
270
00:09:02,457 --> 00:09:04,493
- We better go, guys,
because you know Auntie Rae.
- All right. Let's go.
271
00:09:04,493 --> 00:09:05,761
You cannot be late
for Auntie Rae.
272
00:09:05,761 --> 00:09:08,066
- See you later, Cher.
- Okay. Yeah. Hey. Excuse me.
273
00:09:08,934 --> 00:09:10,336
Why would you say that?
274
00:09:10,802 --> 00:09:11,967
Huh? Say what?
275
00:09:11,967 --> 00:09:14,236
That I don't like...
...Mexican food.
276
00:09:14,236 --> 00:09:15,938
Well, you don't like
Mexican food.
277
00:09:15,938 --> 00:09:18,241
Don't say it in front of people.
278
00:09:18,241 --> 00:09:20,944
- I told you that in confidence.
- What? Confidence?
279
00:09:20,944 --> 00:09:23,412
I don't know
what your problem with it is.
280
00:09:23,412 --> 00:09:24,213
Because it's personal to me.
281
00:09:24,213 --> 00:09:25,847
- No, that's not personal.
- It is.
282
00:09:25,847 --> 00:09:28,618
Telling people
what sexual positions you like,
283
00:09:28,618 --> 00:09:29,952
that would be personal.
284
00:09:29,952 --> 00:09:32,855
- Just keep it to yourself.
- You don't like funnel cake.
285
00:09:32,855 --> 00:09:34,623
Is it okay
if I tell people that?
286
00:09:34,623 --> 00:09:35,790
- Yes.
- You didn't like the remake
287
00:09:35,790 --> 00:09:37,426
of The Fugitive
with Harrison Ford.
288
00:09:37,426 --> 00:09:38,931
- Can I tell people that?
- Yes.
289
00:09:39,263 --> 00:09:40,262
Okay.
290
00:09:40,262 --> 00:09:42,397
- I won't tell anybody else...
- Thank you.
291
00:09:42,397 --> 00:09:45,268
...that you don't
like Mexican food.
292
00:09:45,268 --> 00:09:46,769
Thank you.
293
00:09:46,769 --> 00:09:49,438
- Are you okay?
- I am.
294
00:09:49,438 --> 00:09:51,344
- I'm not so sure.
- Okay.
295
00:09:59,982 --> 00:10:01,951
She won't let us in.
She sped up.
296
00:10:01,951 --> 00:10:04,420
And no doubt that it was her.
Was it not?
297
00:10:04,420 --> 00:10:06,222
- It was her.
- Huh? She gave us the finger.
298
00:10:06,222 --> 00:10:08,990
We gave her the finger.
Terrible, terrible person.
299
00:10:08,990 --> 00:10:11,394
You know what? I'm--
I'm gonna say something to him.
300
00:10:11,394 --> 00:10:13,663
Oh, don't tell--
Larry, don't be a buttinski
301
00:10:13,663 --> 00:10:15,030
and start telling Richard.
302
00:10:15,030 --> 00:10:16,900
Let him have his illusions,
whatever they are.
303
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:18,167
You never learn your lesson.
304
00:10:18,167 --> 00:10:20,736
- I don't learn my lesson?
- No, you do not.
305
00:10:20,736 --> 00:10:22,438
When have you ever
learned a lesson?
306
00:10:22,438 --> 00:10:23,538
Okay, I'll tell you when. Okay.
307
00:10:23,538 --> 00:10:26,409
When I was 19 years old,
I was in a bar. I had a drink.
308
00:10:26,409 --> 00:10:28,944
And I looked at the bartender
and I said to him,
309
00:10:28,944 --> 00:10:30,346
"Hey, Captain,
I'll have another,"
310
00:10:30,346 --> 00:10:32,948
and he gave me
like the dirtiest look.
311
00:10:32,948 --> 00:10:35,412
And I've never called
anybody captain since.
312
00:10:35,412 --> 00:10:36,652
Why would you call him captain?
313
00:10:36,652 --> 00:10:38,987
What do you mean why?
You've never called
anybody captain?
314
00:10:38,987 --> 00:10:40,923
Not captain, but I did call
a motherfucker chief,
315
00:10:40,923 --> 00:10:42,791
and then realized
he was a real Indian and shit.
316
00:10:42,791 --> 00:10:47,429
All right. We've got
four Rae's Special Salads.
317
00:10:47,429 --> 00:10:48,397
- Here you go.
- Whoo!
318
00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:49,965
- Thank you.
- Oh, I also brought y'all
319
00:10:49,965 --> 00:10:52,101
some extra salad dressing,
because y'all are gonna love it.
320
00:10:52,101 --> 00:10:53,368
- Hoowee!
- Y'all need anything else?
321
00:10:53,368 --> 00:10:54,731
I think we're good.
Thank you very much.
322
00:10:54,731 --> 00:10:56,038
- All right.
- Good. Thank you.
323
00:10:56,038 --> 00:10:57,606
- Oh, my God.
- You're welcome.
324
00:10:57,606 --> 00:10:58,775
Oh, my God.
This is so delicious.
325
00:10:58,775 --> 00:11:00,241
What is in this that's so good?
326
00:11:00,241 --> 00:11:02,745
- It's great.
- This is the best dressing
I've ever had.
327
00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:04,346
It's really good.
I agree with you.
328
00:11:04,346 --> 00:11:06,048
Oh, my God.
If I had this recipe,
329
00:11:06,048 --> 00:11:09,351
I would make salads every day,
I'd be losing weight like crazy.
330
00:11:09,351 --> 00:11:11,354
- Mm, really good.
- Auntie Rae!
331
00:11:11,354 --> 00:11:12,449
- Hey!
- Hey!
332
00:11:12,449 --> 00:11:13,589
I hope y'all having a good time.
333
00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:15,191
- Oh, yeah.
- Let me tell you something,
Auntie Rae,
334
00:11:15,191 --> 00:11:18,227
this is the best salad dressing
I've ever had in my life.
335
00:11:18,227 --> 00:11:20,362
I'm happy
that you like it, baby.
336
00:11:20,362 --> 00:11:23,098
And I would love to be able
to make it back in LA.
337
00:11:23,098 --> 00:11:24,500
So what's the deal?
What's in it?
338
00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:27,202
Well, you know, baby,
I'm glad you're enjoying it,
339
00:11:27,202 --> 00:11:30,539
but that's one recipe
that they can't pull out of me.
340
00:11:30,539 --> 00:11:31,907
- Oh, come on.
- No.
341
00:11:31,907 --> 00:11:34,176
- Even for you, baby, I don't do.
- Oh, damn.
342
00:11:34,176 --> 00:11:37,046
Mm-mm.
That's just the way it is.
343
00:11:37,046 --> 00:11:39,948
Mic drop!
344
00:11:39,948 --> 00:11:41,350
So, I'll see y'all
in a little bit, all right?
345
00:11:41,350 --> 00:11:44,153
What is in this?
It's so fucking good.
346
00:11:47,793 --> 00:11:48,924
Well, well, well.
347
00:11:48,924 --> 00:11:51,493
I feel like I won
the jury lottery today.
348
00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:54,996
I look around here and I see
nothing but good people.
349
00:11:54,996 --> 00:11:57,767
I can envision having y'all over
on a Sunday after church
350
00:11:57,767 --> 00:12:00,135
for a little barbecue sometime.
351
00:12:00,135 --> 00:12:02,938
Earl Mack. He's good.
He's really good.
352
00:12:02,938 --> 00:12:06,175
But the circumstances today
call for this question.
353
00:12:06,175 --> 00:12:10,847
Who here could see themselves
stealing a loaf of bread
354
00:12:10,847 --> 00:12:13,419
in order to feed
a hungry stranger?
355
00:12:13,785 --> 00:12:15,484
Yeah?
356
00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:17,523
I ask they're all dismissed
for cause.
357
00:12:18,524 --> 00:12:19,658
Dismissed.
358
00:12:20,625 --> 00:12:22,090
Damn it.
359
00:12:22,090 --> 00:12:24,928
- I wanted some of those jurors.
- Yeah. No, she was good.
360
00:12:24,928 --> 00:12:26,195
Defense,
you're up.
361
00:12:26,195 --> 00:12:28,962
- Thank you, Judge.
- Oh, wait. I have some thoughts.
362
00:12:29,634 --> 00:12:30,599
What?
363
00:12:30,599 --> 00:12:32,267
All right.
364
00:12:32,267 --> 00:12:34,336
That guy's got a string tie him.
Let's get rid of him.
365
00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:36,706
No liberal would be caught dead
in a string tie.
366
00:12:36,706 --> 00:12:38,941
Juror number 20, thank you.
367
00:12:38,941 --> 00:12:40,076
Dismissed.
368
00:12:40,076 --> 00:12:42,711
Not loving 22. Big hair.
369
00:12:42,711 --> 00:12:45,447
Shades of Kellyanne Conway.
No good.
370
00:12:45,447 --> 00:12:46,815
{\an8}Juror 22, dismissed.
371
00:12:46,815 --> 00:12:49,885
- Forty.
That's a Fox watcher.
- Dismissed.
372
00:12:49,885 --> 00:12:51,186
Twenty-three.
373
00:12:51,186 --> 00:12:53,522
You see that comb over?
He's a self-loathing bald man!
374
00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:55,758
He hates himself
and he hates other bald men.
375
00:12:55,758 --> 00:12:58,027
- He's gotta go.
- Okay.
376
00:12:58,027 --> 00:13:00,597
Juror 23, dismissed.
377
00:13:02,498 --> 00:13:04,300
Uh, members of the jury,
378
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:06,802
as you know, there's lots
of publicity around this case.
379
00:13:06,802 --> 00:13:11,310
As you see the cameras outside,
there's intense media scrutiny.
380
00:13:12,343 --> 00:13:14,110
So we're gonna have
to sequester you.
381
00:13:14,110 --> 00:13:16,578
I know, I know.
382
00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:18,748
We'll give you a nice hotel,
try to make you comfortable.
383
00:13:18,748 --> 00:13:20,082
Oh, sequestering. That's awful.
384
00:13:20,082 --> 00:13:21,317
No watching TV,
no listening to the radio...
385
00:13:21,317 --> 00:13:22,584
I would hate to be
cooped up like that.
386
00:13:22,584 --> 00:13:24,586
I don't think I could take it,
you know?
387
00:13:24,586 --> 00:13:26,522
And I'll bet a lot of them
cheat on it too.
388
00:13:26,522 --> 00:13:28,523
There's probably
a bad sequesterer among them.
389
00:13:28,523 --> 00:13:31,060
- Don't you think?
- Larry, I wouldn't worry
about the jury.
390
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,261
You're the defendant.
391
00:13:32,261 --> 00:13:34,931
And if you get convicted,
you'll be a felon.
392
00:13:39,536 --> 00:13:40,836
Dragnet.
393
00:13:40,836 --> 00:13:43,036
Tomorrow,
the lawyers will give
their opening arguments.
394
00:13:43,775 --> 00:13:46,108
Court adjourned.
395
00:13:46,108 --> 00:13:49,045
It is day one of the trial
of Larry David,
396
00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:51,213
the Seinfeld co-creator
who's run afoul...
397
00:13:51,213 --> 00:13:53,843
- Is that for Larry?
- ...of the new Georgia
voting law
398
00:13:53,843 --> 00:13:56,319
that he views
as partisan, draconian,
399
00:13:56,319 --> 00:13:58,287
- and unconstitutional.
- Thank you very much.
400
00:13:58,287 --> 00:14:01,658
How this plays out
could have major ramifications
401
00:14:01,658 --> 00:14:03,092
for the next election.
402
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:04,628
- Keep it close.
- Yes, ma'am.
403
00:14:04,628 --> 00:14:05,798
Thank you.
404
00:14:06,998 --> 00:14:09,699
- Hi.
- Hi, Larry.
405
00:14:09,699 --> 00:14:11,467
You got that blue Mercedes, huh?
406
00:14:11,467 --> 00:14:14,036
- Yeah. Nice car.
- Oh, very nice.
407
00:14:14,036 --> 00:14:16,138
That's the exact model
of the car
408
00:14:16,138 --> 00:14:18,374
that wouldn't let me
into the lane.
409
00:14:18,374 --> 00:14:21,210
- That's right. I remember...
- And a woman was driving.
410
00:14:21,210 --> 00:14:23,112
- Huh!
- But it wasn't me.
411
00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:25,384
- What a crazy coincidence.
- Yeah.
412
00:14:25,984 --> 00:14:28,745
So, um, Richard told me
413
00:14:28,745 --> 00:14:31,921
that you once
contemplated, uh,
414
00:14:31,921 --> 00:14:36,520
dare I say, attempted suicide?
415
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:37,827
Richard told you that?
416
00:14:37,827 --> 00:14:39,128
Yes. Yes.
We're very close.
417
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:42,064
I tell him everything.
He tells me everything. Yeah.
418
00:14:42,064 --> 00:14:43,766
Yes, I did, Larry.
419
00:14:43,766 --> 00:14:45,134
Why did you do it?
420
00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:47,370
Oh, it was the whole...
the breakup?
421
00:14:47,370 --> 00:14:49,672
It was a very
emotional time for me.
422
00:14:49,672 --> 00:14:50,873
- I was...
- Hmm.
423
00:14:50,873 --> 00:14:52,175
...very much in love with him
424
00:14:52,175 --> 00:14:54,076
- and--
- Him?
425
00:14:54,076 --> 00:14:56,412
- You're Richard's friend?
- Yeah.
426
00:14:56,412 --> 00:14:59,483
And you don't believe anyone
could be in love with him?
427
00:14:59,483 --> 00:15:00,950
No.
428
00:15:00,950 --> 00:15:03,218
Have you ever known love, Larry?
429
00:15:03,218 --> 00:15:05,354
Have you ever known
the loss of a great love?
430
00:15:05,354 --> 00:15:07,722
Oh, I've known love
and I've known loss.
431
00:15:07,722 --> 00:15:12,028
2004, Yankees lost the last
four games to the hated Red Sox.
432
00:15:12,028 --> 00:15:13,496
Devastated for weeks.
433
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:15,732
Felt like killing myself, actually.
434
00:15:15,732 --> 00:15:17,166
Different kind of love, Larry.
435
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:21,504
And in 1994, of course,
when the Rangers won the Cup.
436
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:24,040
Come on. Doesn't get
any better than that.
437
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,342
When Messier
lofted that trophy,
438
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:28,144
I thought my heart
was gonna burst.
439
00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:31,213
Larry, I was in love
with Richard. I made a choice.
440
00:15:31,213 --> 00:15:34,316
I'm-- I-- I was emotionally
distraught.
441
00:15:34,316 --> 00:15:36,653
And, yes, I did attempt suicide.
442
00:15:36,653 --> 00:15:37,854
How did you do it?
443
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:39,221
I think you're the first person
444
00:15:39,221 --> 00:15:41,124
who has ever asked me
that question, Larry.
445
00:15:41,124 --> 00:15:42,658
- Really?
- So inappropriate.
446
00:15:42,658 --> 00:15:44,627
You know, you're right.
It would be inappropriate,
447
00:15:44,627 --> 00:15:47,696
if in fact the person actually
attempted suicide.
448
00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:50,366
Oh, so you're saying you don't
believe I attempted suicide?
449
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:51,734
- How'd you do it?
- I don't remember.
450
00:15:51,734 --> 00:15:53,672
- It was long time ago.
- You don't remember?
451
00:15:54,205 --> 00:15:56,205
Pills, okay?
452
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:57,543
What kind of pills?
453
00:15:58,710 --> 00:16:01,175
Pink pills.
454
00:16:01,913 --> 00:16:04,680
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm sure.
455
00:16:16,795 --> 00:16:17,796
Okay.
456
00:16:18,858 --> 00:16:21,500
Tell Richard I'll be in the car.
457
00:16:26,737 --> 00:16:29,838
Hey, what are you doing sitting
with your back to the door?
458
00:16:29,838 --> 00:16:32,907
Because of my fans.
They just swarm all over me.
459
00:16:32,907 --> 00:16:35,511
Really? You're kind of like
a Beatle in a way, aren't you?
460
00:16:35,511 --> 00:16:36,879
- Can you spread that around?
- Yeah.
461
00:16:36,879 --> 00:16:39,915
Hey, Cynthia, she's waiting
in the car for you.
462
00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:41,717
What do you mean? No,
she's gonna meet me in here.
463
00:16:41,717 --> 00:16:44,487
No, no. I had a little...
I had a little thing with her.
464
00:16:44,487 --> 00:16:46,322
What do you mean?
465
00:16:46,322 --> 00:16:49,720
You know, I asked her
about the, uh, the suicide.
466
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,060
Oh, Jesus Christ.
467
00:16:51,060 --> 00:16:52,631
The woman tried to hang herself.
468
00:16:53,431 --> 00:16:55,197
- Oh, she did?
- Yes.
469
00:16:55,197 --> 00:16:56,966
Well, isn't that curious.
470
00:16:56,966 --> 00:17:00,103
'Cause she told me
she took pills.
471
00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:01,803
Well, what's the difference,
pills, hanging?
472
00:17:01,803 --> 00:17:03,272
What's the difference?
What's the difference?
473
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:04,573
You think somebody
would remember
474
00:17:04,573 --> 00:17:06,141
how they tried
to kill themselves.
475
00:17:06,141 --> 00:17:08,077
Why are you doing this
to me again?
476
00:17:08,077 --> 00:17:09,545
Ruining my potential wives,
477
00:17:09,545 --> 00:17:11,480
ruining my chance
to have children.
478
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,682
- Jeez. Yeah. What?
- I want family.
479
00:17:13,682 --> 00:17:15,684
- How are you gonna do that?
- We'll adopt.
480
00:17:15,684 --> 00:17:17,587
What are you gonna adopt,
a 40-year-old?
481
00:17:17,587 --> 00:17:18,654
Yeah. A doctor.
482
00:17:18,654 --> 00:17:20,623
A doctor?
- A doctor or a lawyer.
483
00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:21,825
Good. Good idea.
484
00:17:21,825 --> 00:17:22,858
- Why not?
- Yeah. Why not?
485
00:17:22,858 --> 00:17:25,061
Well, you better go out.
She's waiting in the car.
486
00:17:25,061 --> 00:17:26,365
You better go out.
487
00:17:26,998 --> 00:17:28,031
Oh, God.
488
00:17:31,736 --> 00:17:33,936
Okay. You ready?
489
00:17:33,936 --> 00:17:35,671
No.
490
00:17:39,041 --> 00:17:40,609
Justice for Larry!
491
00:17:40,609 --> 00:17:43,048
Stop suppressing the vote!
492
00:17:44,148 --> 00:17:45,381
Stop suppressing the vote!
493
00:17:45,381 --> 00:17:47,716
Larry, care to comment
on the trial?
494
00:17:47,716 --> 00:17:49,885
- Can you hear the crowd? Yeah.
- Yes.
495
00:17:49,885 --> 00:17:51,186
Any comment? Larry.
496
00:17:51,186 --> 00:17:53,322
Stop suppressing the vote.
497
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:55,790
Stop voter suppression!
498
00:17:55,790 --> 00:17:59,395
Stop-- Hold on.
Stop suppressing the vote.
499
00:17:59,395 --> 00:18:00,762
Stop voter suppression!
500
00:18:00,762 --> 00:18:02,331
- What are you doing?
- What do you mean
what am I doing?
501
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:03,699
What are you doing?
502
00:18:03,699 --> 00:18:06,435
- I can't sit
this one out, Larry.
- Oh, really?
503
00:18:06,435 --> 00:18:09,205
Election Integrity Act?
It's bullshit.
504
00:18:09,205 --> 00:18:10,806
They're stealing votes.
505
00:18:10,806 --> 00:18:14,577
Yeah. You're stealing
the spotlight.
506
00:18:14,577 --> 00:18:16,712
By the way,
why are you telling everybody
507
00:18:16,712 --> 00:18:19,881
that Cheryl
doesn't like Mexican food?
508
00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:22,151
Telling everybody?
What, are you kidding?
509
00:18:22,151 --> 00:18:23,752
I told one person, and so what?
510
00:18:23,752 --> 00:18:25,288
It's not your story
to tell, Larry.
511
00:18:25,288 --> 00:18:27,122
There's no story.
It's not a story.
512
00:18:27,122 --> 00:18:29,425
- What's the shame
in not liking Mexican food?
- Just keep--
513
00:18:29,425 --> 00:18:31,627
- Keep your voice down.
- Why is that bad?
514
00:18:31,627 --> 00:18:33,795
Larry, we gotta go. We gotta go.
515
00:18:33,795 --> 00:18:35,097
- Good luck in there.
- Yeah.
516
00:18:35,097 --> 00:18:36,199
Hi, Mr. Danson.
517
00:18:37,599 --> 00:18:41,006
- Stop suppressing the vote.
- Stop voter suppression!
518
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,040
- Earl.
- Morning, Counsel.
519
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,110
Captain.
520
00:18:46,443 --> 00:18:48,177
Oh, my God.
Will you look at this?
521
00:18:48,177 --> 00:18:51,546
No coasters.
522
00:18:51,546 --> 00:18:53,515
They want you
to respect the law,
523
00:18:53,515 --> 00:18:56,352
but the law
doesn't respect wood.
524
00:18:56,352 --> 00:18:58,391
You see the irony there?
525
00:18:58,990 --> 00:19:00,155
Hey.
526
00:19:00,155 --> 00:19:01,490
Oh, hey.
527
00:19:01,490 --> 00:19:05,531
All rise. The honorable
Judge Whittaker presiding.
528
00:19:07,164 --> 00:19:08,362
Take your seats.
529
00:19:09,533 --> 00:19:11,233
Ready for
your opening statements?
530
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:12,434
I am, Your Honor.
531
00:19:12,434 --> 00:19:14,203
Counselor, you may proceed.
532
00:19:14,203 --> 00:19:16,108
My grandfather...
533
00:19:17,241 --> 00:19:19,208
told me we are
a country of laws.
534
00:19:19,208 --> 00:19:20,343
That's all we are.
535
00:19:20,343 --> 00:19:23,278
You may not like
the Election Integrity Act,
536
00:19:23,278 --> 00:19:24,950
but that's not the point.
537
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,317
Larry David broke the law.
538
00:19:28,317 --> 00:19:29,518
He's gonna admit that to you
539
00:19:29,518 --> 00:19:31,553
and I'm gonna bring up
a number of witnesses
540
00:19:31,553 --> 00:19:33,792
who are gonna show you
a pattern.
541
00:19:35,626 --> 00:19:37,393
It's not a very nice pattern.
542
00:19:37,393 --> 00:19:40,897
Because Larry David
doesn't respect the law.
543
00:19:40,897 --> 00:19:41,930
He lives outside.
544
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:45,600
Unrestrained by the guardrails
of human decency.
545
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,370
If we lived
by Larry David's code,
546
00:19:47,370 --> 00:19:48,403
you know what we'd have?
547
00:19:48,403 --> 00:19:50,709
Anarchy.
Who'd like anarchy here?
548
00:19:52,309 --> 00:19:53,376
He'd love it.
549
00:19:53,376 --> 00:19:56,345
Because that man wants
to burn it all down.
550
00:19:56,345 --> 00:19:58,012
I don't know
where he gets that from.
551
00:19:58,012 --> 00:20:01,550
Now, we have to dig deep
and ask ourselves today
552
00:20:01,550 --> 00:20:06,020
whether or not this man
deserves the right
553
00:20:06,020 --> 00:20:10,721
to walk freely among good,
decent, respectable people
554
00:20:10,721 --> 00:20:13,599
like you and me.
555
00:20:15,133 --> 00:20:16,432
Thank you, Counselor.
556
00:20:16,432 --> 00:20:18,234
Larry, you fucked!
557
00:20:18,234 --> 00:20:19,434
Shut the fuck up.
558
00:20:19,434 --> 00:20:21,270
- This motherfucker's good.
- Ms. Sanders?
559
00:20:21,270 --> 00:20:22,675
Yes, Judge.
560
00:20:24,175 --> 00:20:27,742
Did Larry David break the law?
Of course, he did.
561
00:20:27,742 --> 00:20:31,680
And yes, Larry is the one
who's on trial here.
562
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:36,318
But Larry David is not the one
who should be on trial.
563
00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:38,921
It is this unconscionable,
564
00:20:38,921 --> 00:20:42,624
inhumane law
that should be on trial.
565
00:20:42,624 --> 00:20:45,461
You can't give
another human being water
566
00:20:45,461 --> 00:20:46,962
on a hot day?
567
00:20:46,962 --> 00:20:50,233
The district attorney will say
he broke the law.
568
00:20:50,233 --> 00:20:52,401
Case closed. Simple as that.
569
00:20:53,602 --> 00:20:57,772
But what if the law said
that Black people
570
00:20:57,772 --> 00:20:59,308
have to ride
in the back of the bus
571
00:20:59,308 --> 00:21:02,978
or that Jewish people have
to wear stars on their clothes?
572
00:21:02,978 --> 00:21:06,982
We know this law
is wrong.
573
00:21:06,982 --> 00:21:10,219
Its only purpose is
to scare people off from voting.
574
00:21:11,154 --> 00:21:14,090
It is an insult
to democracy
575
00:21:14,090 --> 00:21:19,062
and it goes against everything
the Bible tells us,
576
00:21:19,062 --> 00:21:20,799
what our parents taught us.
577
00:21:21,565 --> 00:21:22,968
Ask yourself this...
578
00:21:25,469 --> 00:21:26,802
what would Jesus do
579
00:21:26,802 --> 00:21:30,640
if he saw a line of people
sweltering in the heat,
580
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:33,709
crying out for water?
581
00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:36,011
Would you convict Jesus?
582
00:21:36,011 --> 00:21:38,347
I think we all know
the answer to that.
583
00:21:39,482 --> 00:21:43,185
And if you
wouldn't convict Jesus...
584
00:21:43,185 --> 00:21:44,253
Ha!
585
00:21:44,253 --> 00:21:47,389
...then you can't convict Larry.
586
00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:50,626
Thank you.
587
00:21:50,626 --> 00:21:52,328
Thank you, Ms. Sanders.
588
00:21:52,328 --> 00:21:54,063
- Hey.
- We got 'em.
589
00:21:54,063 --> 00:21:56,931
Good job.
590
00:21:56,931 --> 00:21:59,268
Is the state ready
to call its first witness?
591
00:21:59,268 --> 00:22:01,804
The state calls Joe Boccabella.
592
00:22:01,804 --> 00:22:04,173
Who's Joe Boccabella?
593
00:22:04,173 --> 00:22:05,141
Oh, my God.
594
00:22:05,141 --> 00:22:08,510
That's not Joe Boccabella.
That's Mocha Joe.
595
00:22:08,510 --> 00:22:10,512
Mr. Boccabella,
I understand at one point,
596
00:22:10,512 --> 00:22:11,948
you were in the coffee business?
597
00:22:11,948 --> 00:22:14,117
Yes, I was.
It was called Mocha Joe's.
598
00:22:14,117 --> 00:22:14,951
Maybe you heard of it.
599
00:22:14,951 --> 00:22:16,451
Ever have
a problem with anybody?
600
00:22:16,451 --> 00:22:17,686
Not really. Normal stuff.
601
00:22:17,686 --> 00:22:21,390
Until one day
Larry David came in.
602
00:22:21,390 --> 00:22:22,626
Could you tell us what happened?
603
00:22:22,626 --> 00:22:23,725
He started complaining,
604
00:22:23,725 --> 00:22:25,594
my scones were like muffins,
too soft...
605
00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:26,929
Yeah. They were soft.
606
00:22:26,929 --> 00:22:29,165
...my tables were wobbly,
and that my coffee was cold,
607
00:22:29,165 --> 00:22:30,499
which it was not.
608
00:22:30,499 --> 00:22:32,101
- Objection, Your Honor.
Relevance.
- No. Which it was. It was cold.
609
00:22:32,101 --> 00:22:34,737
- Goes to motivation, Your Honor.
- I'll allow it.
610
00:22:34,737 --> 00:22:36,070
And it ended there?
611
00:22:36,070 --> 00:22:39,075
I wish. He came back in
and he said he was opening up
612
00:22:39,075 --> 00:22:41,110
- what he called The Spite Store.
- Oh, here we go.
613
00:22:41,110 --> 00:22:43,073
A coffee shop, right next door
614
00:22:43,073 --> 00:22:44,580
to my store, Mocha Joe's.
615
00:22:44,580 --> 00:22:46,682
He was trying to put me
out of business.
616
00:22:46,682 --> 00:22:48,718
This almost
sounds fantastical.
617
00:22:48,718 --> 00:22:49,585
It got even worse.
618
00:22:49,585 --> 00:22:51,253
I got a call
in the middle of the night
619
00:22:51,253 --> 00:22:52,921
that Mocha Joe's was on fire.
620
00:22:52,921 --> 00:22:55,190
And when I got there,
he was standing there,
621
00:22:55,190 --> 00:22:56,359
watching my beans burn.
622
00:22:56,359 --> 00:22:58,693
What did you do?
623
00:22:58,693 --> 00:23:01,063
- He burned my beans!
- I didn't burn your beans!
624
00:23:01,063 --> 00:23:01,864
You burned my beans.
625
00:23:01,864 --> 00:23:03,432
Joey Funkhouser started
that fire
626
00:23:03,432 --> 00:23:04,466
with his big new penis.
627
00:23:04,466 --> 00:23:06,369
Mr. David, shut your mouth
628
00:23:06,369 --> 00:23:08,337
or I'll have my bailiff
do it for you.
629
00:23:08,337 --> 00:23:10,706
What's he gonna do?
Hit me?
630
00:23:10,706 --> 00:23:12,708
What are you gonna do?
631
00:23:12,708 --> 00:23:15,914
State would like to call
Matsue Takahashi.
632
00:23:18,549 --> 00:23:21,785
Mr. Takahashi,
could you please tell the jury
633
00:23:21,785 --> 00:23:23,385
what your occupation is?
634
00:23:23,385 --> 00:23:24,686
I own the golf club.
635
00:23:24,686 --> 00:23:26,288
How were Larry David's
interactions
636
00:23:26,288 --> 00:23:29,125
- with the other members?
- Oh, he's always disgruntled.
637
00:23:29,125 --> 00:23:32,694
And, also, he never say fore
when he hit the ball.
638
00:23:32,694 --> 00:23:34,663
One time,
he hit a member in the back
639
00:23:34,663 --> 00:23:36,765
with a golf ball.
640
00:23:36,765 --> 00:23:39,402
- Oh, my God!
- Hey, what the fuck?
641
00:23:39,402 --> 00:23:42,905
And I understand
there was an incident
642
00:23:42,905 --> 00:23:45,241
involving some wildlife
at the club?
643
00:23:45,241 --> 00:23:46,775
Oh, yes.
644
00:23:46,775 --> 00:23:48,210
He killed...
645
00:23:48,210 --> 00:23:51,346
- Hey! Hey! Hey!
- ...my beautiful black swan,
Yoko.
646
00:23:51,346 --> 00:23:53,249
Hey!
647
00:23:53,249 --> 00:23:55,417
The swan attacked me!
648
00:23:55,417 --> 00:23:56,918
It was kill or be killed.
649
00:23:56,918 --> 00:23:58,621
- You're a murderer. Murderer!
- It was self-defense.
650
00:23:58,621 --> 00:24:00,193
Order!
651
00:24:04,460 --> 00:24:06,295
The state is honored
652
00:24:06,295 --> 00:24:09,435
to call Lieutenant Colonel
Alexander Vindman.
653
00:24:12,102 --> 00:24:14,636
Lieutenant Colonel Vindman,
I understand you have
654
00:24:14,636 --> 00:24:16,705
a long history
of uncovering corruption.
655
00:24:16,705 --> 00:24:18,273
I reported
President Donald Trump
656
00:24:18,273 --> 00:24:21,777
when he was sitting president
and he attempted to extort,
657
00:24:21,777 --> 00:24:23,845
in a quid pro quo,
President Zelenskyy,
658
00:24:23,845 --> 00:24:25,347
who's now fighting
a war against Russia,
659
00:24:25,347 --> 00:24:27,683
and President Trump
ended up being impeached.
660
00:24:27,683 --> 00:24:30,719
I continue to expose corruption
wherever I find it,
661
00:24:30,719 --> 00:24:32,621
and I will not tolerate
corruption
662
00:24:32,621 --> 00:24:35,257
from Trump, Putin,
or Larry David.
663
00:24:35,257 --> 00:24:36,658
Come on.
664
00:24:36,658 --> 00:24:39,896
Trump, Putin, and Larry David?
665
00:24:39,896 --> 00:24:41,998
That's an unusual combination.
666
00:24:41,998 --> 00:24:44,600
I overheard Larry David
attempting to bribe
667
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:46,235
a Santa Monica
city councilwoman.
668
00:24:46,235 --> 00:24:47,402
It was a perfect call.
669
00:24:47,402 --> 00:24:49,471
A perfect call.
670
00:24:51,675 --> 00:24:52,941
Vindman, Takahashi,
671
00:24:52,941 --> 00:24:55,244
they fly all the way out here
to do that?
672
00:24:55,244 --> 00:24:56,679
They fly to Atlanta?
673
00:24:56,679 --> 00:24:58,213
I don't know.
What are we gonna do?
674
00:24:58,213 --> 00:25:00,349
What am I gonna do?
This is looking bad.
675
00:25:00,349 --> 00:25:02,485
Well, if I think of something,
I'll let you know.
676
00:25:02,485 --> 00:25:03,686
I gotta get going.
677
00:25:03,686 --> 00:25:05,254
Tomorrow's my anniversary
678
00:25:05,254 --> 00:25:08,591
and Susie made these
big dinner plans for us tonight,
679
00:25:08,591 --> 00:25:09,891
fancy restaurant.
680
00:25:09,891 --> 00:25:11,994
And you know what?
I gotta get her a gift.
681
00:25:11,994 --> 00:25:13,295
I don't even know
what the fuck to get her.
682
00:25:13,295 --> 00:25:15,031
Another one? You just got her
a birthday gift.
683
00:25:15,031 --> 00:25:17,131
I know. Yes.
684
00:25:17,131 --> 00:25:20,569
She loved that--
She loved that salad dressing.
685
00:25:20,569 --> 00:25:22,471
Couldn't get the recipe
from Auntie Rae.
686
00:25:22,471 --> 00:25:25,074
- That'd be a good gift.
- Yeah. That's a great gift.
687
00:25:25,074 --> 00:25:26,676
I know,
but she's not gonna give it out.
688
00:25:26,676 --> 00:25:27,776
She said no.
689
00:25:27,776 --> 00:25:29,245
I'm gonna give it
a little bit of a try.
690
00:25:29,245 --> 00:25:31,817
What are you talking about?
- Watch a man in action.
691
00:25:33,950 --> 00:25:36,385
Hey, there. It's Rae's.
How may I help you?
692
00:25:36,385 --> 00:25:38,453
My name is Journey Gunderson.
693
00:25:38,453 --> 00:25:41,590
My wife is in the hospital
694
00:25:41,590 --> 00:25:43,993
because of the dressing
on your salad.
695
00:25:43,993 --> 00:25:45,327
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, my goodness.
696
00:25:45,327 --> 00:25:46,929
There are numerous doctors
697
00:25:46,929 --> 00:25:49,231
and we need to know
what's in that dressing.
698
00:25:49,231 --> 00:25:52,001
Mr. Gunderson, we never give
that recipe out, sir.
699
00:25:52,001 --> 00:25:53,903
You need to let us know.
700
00:25:53,903 --> 00:25:55,871
Oh, that's her.
She's in so much pain.
701
00:25:55,871 --> 00:25:57,239
Ah!
Journey!
702
00:25:57,239 --> 00:25:59,942
The doctors need to know
the specific ingredients.
703
00:25:59,942 --> 00:26:01,710
Journey!
- I'm-- I'm-- I'm--
704
00:26:01,710 --> 00:26:04,546
I'm sorry. Mr. McGunderman,
is that your wife?
705
00:26:04,546 --> 00:26:05,982
That was Karen Gunderson.
706
00:26:05,982 --> 00:26:07,516
She's all catawampus.
707
00:26:07,516 --> 00:26:10,119
- I'm sorry. All kind of what?
- Catawampus.
708
00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:13,822
Wampus? What the heck is wampus,
Mr. Gurney Manunderson?
709
00:26:13,822 --> 00:26:16,186
Hang in there.
710
00:26:16,186 --> 00:26:17,126
Uh, Karen Gunderson,
711
00:26:17,126 --> 00:26:19,395
honey, me and your husband,
Gurney Germerny,
712
00:26:19,395 --> 00:26:20,724
we gon' get you better, baby.
713
00:26:20,724 --> 00:26:22,832
Now, listen here.
It's a tablespoon of vinegar.
714
00:26:22,832 --> 00:26:24,433
One tablespoon vinegar.
715
00:26:24,433 --> 00:26:27,003
And I use, yeah, three teaspoons
716
00:26:27,003 --> 00:26:28,938
- of the olive oil.
- Yeah.
717
00:26:28,938 --> 00:26:30,339
And some clove garlic.
718
00:26:30,339 --> 00:26:33,442
And I use a half a teaspoon
of Dijon mustard, a dollop...
719
00:26:33,442 --> 00:26:37,450
What is this?
720
00:26:39,347 --> 00:26:41,350
Auntie Rae's salad dressing.
Auntie Rae's salad dressing.
721
00:26:41,350 --> 00:26:44,487
Aw, that is so thoughtful.
How'd you get this?
722
00:26:44,487 --> 00:26:46,355
Love finds a way.
723
00:26:46,355 --> 00:26:48,391
Oh, baby doll.
724
00:26:48,391 --> 00:26:50,893
But, wait. There's more.
725
00:26:50,893 --> 00:26:52,294
- More? More?
- Oh, more.
726
00:26:52,294 --> 00:26:54,797
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Happy anniversary.
727
00:26:54,797 --> 00:26:56,766
- What is this?
- What? What-- What is this?
728
00:26:56,766 --> 00:26:58,233
It's a recipe.
729
00:26:58,233 --> 00:26:59,868
- Oh, the recipe!
- It's the recipe
for the salad dressing.
730
00:26:59,868 --> 00:27:01,603
- You got the recipe.
- Oh, my God.
731
00:27:01,603 --> 00:27:04,739
- How did you get
the fucking recipe?
- It's the recipe.
732
00:27:04,739 --> 00:27:07,343
This is the best gift
you've ever given.
733
00:27:07,343 --> 00:27:10,146
Better than any kind
of poem or sonnet.
734
00:27:10,146 --> 00:27:12,514
You're the best husband
in the whole world.
735
00:27:12,514 --> 00:27:14,349
What about this young man
736
00:27:14,349 --> 00:27:17,619
- from Chicago, huh?
- Mm-hmm. Oh, I love this.
737
00:27:17,619 --> 00:27:18,820
Look at this.
738
00:27:18,820 --> 00:27:21,023
- Oh. Hi, Leon.
- Oh, boy.
Look who's here.
739
00:27:21,023 --> 00:27:22,791
- You know what it is.
- Yeah, what?
740
00:27:22,791 --> 00:27:24,027
That motherfucking Seinfeld,
man.
741
00:27:24,027 --> 00:27:25,160
I've been catching up
on that shit.
742
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:26,795
Binge watching
that bullshit, man.
743
00:27:26,795 --> 00:27:29,064
Oh, yeah? What do you--
What do you think?
744
00:27:29,064 --> 00:27:31,233
Man, this goddamn Kramer, man,
he's too much, man.
745
00:27:31,233 --> 00:27:33,635
Walk into your fucking house
unannounced and shit.
746
00:27:33,635 --> 00:27:35,732
- Yeah.
- You might as well take off
the fucking door
747
00:27:35,732 --> 00:27:37,106
and put a fucking saloon door
on that bitch.
748
00:27:37,106 --> 00:27:38,341
You know what I'm saying?
749
00:27:38,341 --> 00:27:40,075
This motherfucker
just walking in when he want to.
750
00:27:40,075 --> 00:27:42,278
So what's gonna happen today?
751
00:27:42,278 --> 00:27:43,579
Is it gonna be better
than yesterday?
752
00:27:43,579 --> 00:27:45,647
'Cause yesterday was a disaster.
753
00:27:45,647 --> 00:27:47,516
- I mean, a disaster.
- Yeah.
754
00:27:47,516 --> 00:27:49,719
I think this judge really
has it in for me.
755
00:27:49,719 --> 00:27:51,086
He really does.
756
00:27:51,086 --> 00:27:53,056
- What's it gonna be?
- I don't know.
757
00:27:53,056 --> 00:27:55,619
Anything you could do about it?
What? What?
758
00:27:55,619 --> 00:27:57,930
- I don't know.
- You know what you need?
759
00:27:59,163 --> 00:28:01,363
- Sympathy.
- Oh, really?
760
00:28:01,363 --> 00:28:04,266
Let me tell you a little story
about Horsecock Williams.
761
00:28:04,266 --> 00:28:05,869
This motherfucker's always
in trouble.
762
00:28:05,869 --> 00:28:07,573
Always in fucking court.
763
00:28:08,172 --> 00:28:09,838
Know what he fucking does?
764
00:28:09,838 --> 00:28:12,308
He'll come in the courtroom
in a wheelchair.
765
00:28:12,308 --> 00:28:15,510
And he rolls in there slow
and fucking shaking and shit.
766
00:28:15,510 --> 00:28:18,347
Everybody's like,
"Oh, my God. That poor man."
767
00:28:18,347 --> 00:28:21,750
The judge is touched.
The bailiff is touched.
768
00:28:21,750 --> 00:28:23,986
Sketch artist
is fucking bawling so bad
769
00:28:23,986 --> 00:28:25,887
that the sketch is blurry.
770
00:28:25,887 --> 00:28:29,593
And that motherfucker wins
every fucking time.
771
00:28:29,593 --> 00:28:31,460
This motherfucker wins.
772
00:28:31,460 --> 00:28:33,597
He is a sympathy snatcher.
773
00:28:33,597 --> 00:28:34,430
Wow.
774
00:28:34,430 --> 00:28:36,031
Horsecock is fucking amazing.
775
00:28:36,031 --> 00:28:39,100
He had an idea about
getting wheelchair hookers,
776
00:28:39,100 --> 00:28:40,735
put 'em out on the street
and shit. You know what I mean?
777
00:28:40,735 --> 00:28:43,439
Have you ever had sex
with a woman in a wheelchair?
'Cause I have.
778
00:28:43,439 --> 00:28:46,042
Have you ever tapped some ass
on crutches?
779
00:28:46,042 --> 00:28:48,277
You ever crutch fuck?
780
00:28:48,277 --> 00:28:50,279
That's like fucking an animal
781
00:28:50,279 --> 00:28:52,381
'cause the crutches
are an extra set of legs.
782
00:28:52,381 --> 00:28:55,417
Shit. Break that ass off, huh?
783
00:28:55,417 --> 00:28:57,220
Wheelchair hookers,
784
00:28:57,220 --> 00:28:59,723
there's a market
for every fucking thing.
785
00:29:00,956 --> 00:29:03,091
He always had great ideas
and shit.
786
00:29:03,091 --> 00:29:06,428
Motherfucker's innovative.
Horsecock is fucking amazing.
787
00:29:06,428 --> 00:29:09,498
Day two of the trial is underway
and it's up to the jury
788
00:29:09,498 --> 00:29:12,201
to decide
what kind of man Larry David is.
789
00:29:12,201 --> 00:29:15,504
We're expecting even more
witnesses from the prosecution.
790
00:29:15,504 --> 00:29:18,173
Free Larry. Free Larry.
791
00:29:18,173 --> 00:29:19,703
Jurors, I wanna remind you
792
00:29:19,703 --> 00:29:21,811
not to discuss
this case with anyone
793
00:29:21,811 --> 00:29:23,478
until deliberations begin.
794
00:29:23,478 --> 00:29:26,249
You'll have an opportunity
to deliberate--
795
00:29:26,249 --> 00:29:28,484
Get your fucking hands off me.
796
00:29:28,484 --> 00:29:32,986
I got it. I got it.
I'm fine. I'm not helpless.
797
00:29:34,656 --> 00:29:38,227
Oh, my God. Look at this.
She came, she came.
798
00:29:38,227 --> 00:29:41,296
- Oh, you're here.
- What is going on?
799
00:29:41,296 --> 00:29:43,099
- Honey. You came.
- Yeah.
800
00:29:43,099 --> 00:29:45,201
- I'm here.
- Look, look, look, look.
801
00:29:45,201 --> 00:29:47,369
Honey's here.
802
00:29:47,369 --> 00:29:50,139
Why didn't you tell me?
I would've carried you
up the steps.
803
00:29:50,139 --> 00:29:53,443
- It's fine. It's fine.
- Oh.
804
00:29:53,443 --> 00:29:56,178
Oh, oh, oh.
805
00:29:56,178 --> 00:29:59,616
Such a brave girl.
Oh, my God, what a surprise.
806
00:29:59,616 --> 00:30:00,850
Who is that?
807
00:30:00,850 --> 00:30:01,984
Just go with it.
808
00:30:01,984 --> 00:30:03,352
Are you through?
May we continue?
809
00:30:03,352 --> 00:30:05,921
I'm sorry, Your Honor.
My sweetheart just arrived.
810
00:30:05,921 --> 00:30:07,589
She got hit by a bus
a few months ago
811
00:30:07,589 --> 00:30:10,025
{\an8}and she was lying on the ground,
I rushed over.
812
00:30:10,025 --> 00:30:12,128
I gave her
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
813
00:30:12,128 --> 00:30:15,430
And I carried her to my car.
Not that easy.
814
00:30:15,430 --> 00:30:17,800
Took her to the hospital,
we fell in love
815
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:19,235
and I moved to Pacoima
to be with her.
816
00:30:19,235 --> 00:30:20,436
And look at her, the poor thing.
817
00:30:20,436 --> 00:30:22,304
I saved her life.
Tell-- Tell him I saved--
818
00:30:22,304 --> 00:30:24,473
You just told him.
819
00:30:24,473 --> 00:30:26,009
- Yeah, we're in love.
- Yeah.
820
00:30:26,009 --> 00:30:28,711
He's great.
He's a... He's a wonderful man.
821
00:30:28,711 --> 00:30:30,046
And the... the animals...
822
00:30:30,046 --> 00:30:31,480
- Oh, oh! Oh.
- Oh, yeah.
823
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:34,317
- He works in an animal shelter.
- The animal shelter. Yeah, yeah.
824
00:30:34,317 --> 00:30:36,551
- And the kids...
- And, uh-- Oh, the disable--
825
00:30:36,551 --> 00:30:38,254
- He works with disabled kids.
- Disabled kids.
826
00:30:38,254 --> 00:30:40,222
Oh, he walks in, "Larry's here!"
827
00:30:40,222 --> 00:30:42,258
They'd all jump up
if they could jump.
828
00:30:42,258 --> 00:30:44,293
{\an8}All right, enough. Uh, please.
829
00:30:44,293 --> 00:30:46,729
{\an8}Uh, prosecution, you got
any more witnesses to call?
830
00:30:46,729 --> 00:30:48,998
{\an8}Yes. We would like to call, uh,
831
00:30:48,998 --> 00:30:51,167
witness Rachel Heineman, please.
832
00:30:54,203 --> 00:30:56,372
Could you please state
your name for the record?
833
00:30:56,372 --> 00:30:59,441
Rachel Raheli Shuli
Hamda Sarala Heineman.
834
00:30:59,441 --> 00:31:01,204
And how do you know
the defendant?
835
00:31:01,204 --> 00:31:05,014
I was unfortunate enough to be
on a ski lift with the accused.
836
00:31:05,014 --> 00:31:06,115
And for some reason,
837
00:31:06,115 --> 00:31:08,551
Hashem decided
to stop the ski lift
838
00:31:08,551 --> 00:31:10,152
as shkiyat hachamah,
that's sundown,
839
00:31:10,152 --> 00:31:11,653
was approaching,
and as a woman,
840
00:31:11,653 --> 00:31:13,556
I'm not allowed
to be with a man after sundown.
841
00:31:13,556 --> 00:31:15,792
So I informed him...
842
00:31:15,792 --> 00:31:17,053
Somebody's gonna have to jump.
843
00:31:17,053 --> 00:31:19,461
- To which he said...
- What, are you fucking nuts?
844
00:31:19,461 --> 00:31:20,897
And so I was forced...
845
00:31:21,730 --> 00:31:23,866
...to jump 45 feet.
846
00:31:23,866 --> 00:31:26,703
I broke both my knees,
my ankles.
847
00:31:26,703 --> 00:31:28,070
I put together a little diagram.
848
00:31:28,070 --> 00:31:29,972
I'm still traumatized.
849
00:31:29,972 --> 00:31:31,806
Yeah.
850
00:31:31,806 --> 00:31:36,713
Larry David pissed on a portrait
of Jesus Christ in my home.
851
00:31:36,713 --> 00:31:38,012
What?
852
00:31:38,012 --> 00:31:39,716
He tinkled on it.
853
00:31:39,716 --> 00:31:40,883
- He sprayed Jesus.
- Oh!
854
00:31:40,883 --> 00:31:43,352
And not just a little.
855
00:31:43,352 --> 00:31:46,120
He came to our restaurant.
He screamed.
856
00:31:59,102 --> 00:32:02,800
Larry David is a sad senior
857
00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:04,940
with long balls
and mental issues.
858
00:32:04,940 --> 00:32:08,211
You've seen the big piles
of shoes in a Holocaust museum.
859
00:32:08,211 --> 00:32:10,780
What kind of monster
takes some of those shoes
860
00:32:10,780 --> 00:32:12,647
out of there and wears them?
861
00:32:12,647 --> 00:32:14,416
Who can do that?
862
00:32:14,416 --> 00:32:16,051
What kind of guy is Larry David?
863
00:32:16,051 --> 00:32:18,421
He's the kind of man
who carelessly,
864
00:32:18,421 --> 00:32:21,957
maybe even maliciously,
had me drink from his glass
865
00:32:21,957 --> 00:32:23,225
and gave me COVID.
866
00:32:23,225 --> 00:32:25,060
He gave me COVID.
867
00:32:25,060 --> 00:32:27,196
- Bullshit.
- Ruining the biggest night of my
868
00:32:27,196 --> 00:32:28,898
and some of my fans' lives.
869
00:32:28,898 --> 00:32:30,166
And he doesn't give a damn.
870
00:32:30,166 --> 00:32:32,768
And I still can't smell
a fucking thing.
871
00:32:32,768 --> 00:32:35,137
State would like to call
872
00:32:35,137 --> 00:32:37,406
- Tara Michaelson.
- Who's that?
873
00:32:37,406 --> 00:32:39,074
- I don't know.
- Ms. Michaelson,
874
00:32:39,074 --> 00:32:42,377
how many years of therapy
have you had?
875
00:32:42,377 --> 00:32:44,947
I started therapy
when I was about nine.
876
00:32:44,947 --> 00:32:46,615
So, um, 21 years.
877
00:32:46,615 --> 00:32:49,485
And is there
one particular incident?
878
00:32:49,485 --> 00:32:51,620
When I was
about eight years old,
879
00:32:51,620 --> 00:32:53,555
I went with my parents
to a movie premiere.
880
00:32:53,555 --> 00:32:55,358
And right before
the movie started,
881
00:32:55,358 --> 00:32:58,995
I went by myself
to the women's restroom.
882
00:32:58,995 --> 00:33:01,364
And I found
Larry standing there.
883
00:33:01,364 --> 00:33:03,733
- Hello.
- Thank you
for fixing Judy's hair.
884
00:33:03,733 --> 00:33:05,067
Oh, you're welcome.
885
00:33:05,067 --> 00:33:06,872
He gave me a hug.
886
00:33:08,372 --> 00:33:10,639
Mommy! Mommy!
That bald man's in the bathroom
887
00:33:10,639 --> 00:33:13,142
and there's something hard
in his pants.
888
00:33:14,977 --> 00:33:16,379
Thank you, Ms. Michaelson.
889
00:33:16,379 --> 00:33:19,482
I believe the prosecution rests,
Your Honor.
890
00:33:19,482 --> 00:33:21,550
{\an8}The defense will now call
their first witness, please.
891
00:33:21,550 --> 00:33:24,020
Yes, Your Honor,
I'd like to call Rae Black.
892
00:33:26,655 --> 00:33:27,923
That's my auntie right there.
893
00:33:27,923 --> 00:33:30,425
She carries candy in her bra.
If we're all lucky,
894
00:33:30,425 --> 00:33:31,993
we're gonna get
some of that titty-taffy.
895
00:33:31,993 --> 00:33:35,298
I'm so glad she's here.
So far, it's been a disaster.
896
00:33:35,298 --> 00:33:37,466
It was supposed to be so easy.
897
00:33:37,466 --> 00:33:39,705
Now, it's all gone catawampus.
898
00:33:47,746 --> 00:33:49,382
- What was that?
- Ah!
899
00:33:50,514 --> 00:33:51,850
What is happening?
900
00:33:56,418 --> 00:33:58,588
Mrs. Black,
Larry David gave you water
901
00:33:58,588 --> 00:33:59,622
on that hot day.
902
00:33:59,622 --> 00:34:01,523
But it's not the first time
he took care of you.
903
00:34:01,523 --> 00:34:04,126
He took you and your family
in after Hurricane Katrina.
904
00:34:04,126 --> 00:34:06,561
Well, his wife did.
905
00:34:06,561 --> 00:34:09,265
But you did live with him
for quite some time.
906
00:34:09,265 --> 00:34:10,299
It's true.
907
00:34:10,299 --> 00:34:14,503
Long enough for him
to use the N-word around me.
908
00:34:14,503 --> 00:34:16,906
He did that shit.
909
00:34:16,906 --> 00:34:18,307
- What?
- And long enough for him
910
00:34:18,307 --> 00:34:22,177
to hug me and have a hard-on,
an erection that he
911
00:34:22,177 --> 00:34:24,279
- was rubbing all up against me.
- We don't need
to talk about that.
912
00:34:24,279 --> 00:34:26,149
And the last time I saw him,
913
00:34:26,149 --> 00:34:28,583
he was carting around
a Black lawn jockey.
914
00:34:28,583 --> 00:34:30,051
- Move to strike, Your Honor.
- No, no, no.
915
00:34:30,051 --> 00:34:32,521
- That's her witness, Your Honor.
- Denied. It's your witness,
916
00:34:32,521 --> 00:34:33,789
you're stuck
with the answers she give.
917
00:34:33,789 --> 00:34:35,828
Why is she doing this
to you, Larr?
918
00:34:36,494 --> 00:34:37,626
And another thing.
919
00:34:37,626 --> 00:34:40,196
No, no, no.
No further questions.
920
00:34:40,196 --> 00:34:41,592
Thank you, Ms. Sanders.
921
00:34:41,592 --> 00:34:42,801
What the hell?
922
00:34:44,002 --> 00:34:47,236
You sons of bitches. It was you!
923
00:34:47,236 --> 00:34:50,205
I know it was you,
Bernie Bonderman,
924
00:34:50,205 --> 00:34:52,607
and you, Karen Bonderman,
925
00:34:52,607 --> 00:34:55,610
trying to steal my recipe.
926
00:34:55,610 --> 00:34:58,380
- How could you?
- You stole that recipe, Jeff?
927
00:34:58,380 --> 00:35:00,044
No.
928
00:35:00,044 --> 00:35:01,750
- You stole the recipe?
- No, I didn't--
929
00:35:01,750 --> 00:35:03,485
Fuck you, Larry David.
930
00:35:03,485 --> 00:35:05,754
- Ms. Black--
- And fuck
your monkey ass-friend...
931
00:35:05,754 --> 00:35:07,623
- Miss--
- ...Bashiba Munderman.
932
00:35:07,623 --> 00:35:09,859
Ms. Black, I will have order
in this court.
933
00:35:09,859 --> 00:35:12,228
You know what, fuck it!
934
00:35:12,228 --> 00:35:14,630
You lying piece of shit, Jeff.
935
00:35:14,630 --> 00:35:18,633
That is the lowest form
of anything I've ever heard.
936
00:35:18,633 --> 00:35:21,037
Stealing a fucking
anniversary gift.
937
00:35:21,037 --> 00:35:22,471
Take that recipe, Jeff,
938
00:35:22,471 --> 00:35:25,069
and shove it up
your fat fucking ass.
939
00:35:26,575 --> 00:35:29,779
Oh, my God. She's walking.
940
00:35:29,779 --> 00:35:31,880
She's walking!
941
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:35,717
It's a miracle. It's a--
Look, it's just a miracle.
942
00:35:35,717 --> 00:35:39,088
How did she do it?
I can't even believe it.
943
00:35:39,088 --> 00:35:40,322
- Walking.
- Order.
944
00:35:40,322 --> 00:35:42,658
- She's walking. Oh. Oh.
- Mr. David.
945
00:35:42,658 --> 00:35:44,593
- Mr. David.
- Oh. She's walking.
946
00:35:44,593 --> 00:35:46,957
That's enough,
Mr. David.
947
00:35:49,098 --> 00:35:50,266
Pick this up tomorrow.
948
00:35:50,266 --> 00:35:52,433
This day is over.
949
00:35:52,433 --> 00:35:55,603
Massive protests outside
the Atlanta courthouse today,
950
00:35:55,603 --> 00:35:59,374
- including multiple
Emmy-winning actor Ted Danson.
- Stop voter suppression!
951
00:35:59,374 --> 00:36:00,942
These are a little tight.
952
00:36:00,942 --> 00:36:05,017
There you go. Freedom to vote.
953
00:36:06,584 --> 00:36:09,485
{\an8}-Maybe Ted Danson gives a damn
about democracy...
- Yeah.
954
00:36:09,485 --> 00:36:11,586
{\an8}...that's why people love him.
955
00:36:11,586 --> 00:36:14,523
{\an8}That's why people respect him.
Mika...
956
00:36:14,523 --> 00:36:15,957
{\an8}-I know.
- That's why the guy's my hero.
957
00:36:15,957 --> 00:36:18,694
{\an8}-Yeah. He's an amazing actor.
- Oh, I love you, guys.
958
00:36:18,694 --> 00:36:20,995
{\an8}No, no, don't,
don't touch the hair.
959
00:36:20,995 --> 00:36:25,534
{\an8}What if Ted Danson had given
that woman in the line water,
960
00:36:25,534 --> 00:36:27,002
{\an8}instead of Larry David?
961
00:36:27,002 --> 00:36:28,904
I think everything
would be different, right?
962
00:36:28,904 --> 00:36:30,467
Larr!
Yeah.
Likability, certainly...
963
00:36:30,467 --> 00:36:33,176
- Hey, you made it. Oh!
- Look at you. Oh, my God.
964
00:36:33,176 --> 00:36:35,511
- Hey.
- Oh, my God.
965
00:36:35,511 --> 00:36:37,979
It's a bottle of water.
I mean, it's not your fault.
966
00:36:37,979 --> 00:36:40,717
- Exactly. I didn't do anything.
- Pure, decent human being
967
00:36:40,717 --> 00:36:41,983
is all you're trying to be.
968
00:36:41,983 --> 00:36:43,652
- Let that be a lesson to me.
- Right.
969
00:36:43,652 --> 00:36:45,554
So, how are you getting
through this?
970
00:36:45,554 --> 00:36:47,423
You're sitting in court all day?
971
00:36:47,423 --> 00:36:49,325
- Yeah.
- Well, what do you think about?
972
00:36:49,325 --> 00:36:51,793
- Let me give you a hypothetical.
- Okay.
973
00:36:51,793 --> 00:36:54,463
Suppose you're friends
with someone
974
00:36:54,463 --> 00:36:55,797
- who's in the circus.
- Sure.
975
00:36:55,797 --> 00:36:57,732
- He knows
the bearded lady very well.
- Okay.
976
00:36:57,732 --> 00:36:59,702
And you go to the performance
at the Garden, he says,
977
00:36:59,702 --> 00:37:02,971
"Hey, the bearded lady's having
a little shindig,
978
00:37:02,971 --> 00:37:04,706
- why don't you join us?"
- A little get-together.
979
00:37:04,706 --> 00:37:06,742
You go to
the bearded lady's apartment.
980
00:37:06,742 --> 00:37:08,944
- It's a normal apartment.
- Nothing freakish.
981
00:37:08,944 --> 00:37:10,374
- No, nothing freakish at all.
- Yeah.
982
00:37:10,374 --> 00:37:11,915
You wouldn't know you were
in a freak's apartment.
983
00:37:11,915 --> 00:37:12,943
- No.
- Okay.
984
00:37:12,943 --> 00:37:15,150
Now, you see this picture.
985
00:37:15,150 --> 00:37:17,153
- This gorgeous woman.
- Yeah.
986
00:37:17,153 --> 00:37:20,589
And your friend says to you,
"That's the bearded lady."
987
00:37:20,589 --> 00:37:22,991
- She has no beard.
- Clean-shaven bearded lady.
988
00:37:22,991 --> 00:37:26,695
She's quitting the circus.
She's got a big crush on you.
989
00:37:26,695 --> 00:37:28,864
- Really?
- She'd love to go out with you.
990
00:37:28,864 --> 00:37:30,432
- She's gonna start shaving.
- Really?
991
00:37:30,432 --> 00:37:32,734
- But at the party
when we're there...
- At the party.
992
00:37:32,734 --> 00:37:34,570
- ...she's got the beard on.
- She's got the beard on.
993
00:37:34,570 --> 00:37:36,239
- Rabbinical?
- Very rabbinical.
994
00:37:36,239 --> 00:37:37,940
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah. Wow.
995
00:37:37,940 --> 00:37:39,809
Yeah. Any interest?
996
00:37:39,809 --> 00:37:41,576
- She's sexy.
- Everything.
997
00:37:41,576 --> 00:37:43,146
- Charming.
- Got it all.
998
00:37:43,146 --> 00:37:44,380
- Wow.
- The kind of woman
999
00:37:44,380 --> 00:37:45,714
- you used to dream about...
- Yeah.
1000
00:37:45,714 --> 00:37:47,816
- ...when you were a teenager.
- Yeah.
1001
00:37:47,816 --> 00:37:50,619
- Fly in the ointment, though.
- Yeah.
1002
00:37:50,619 --> 00:37:53,489
And this is a big fly,
and he's alive.
1003
00:37:53,489 --> 00:37:54,823
What's the worst
that could happen?
1004
00:37:54,823 --> 00:37:57,360
The worst that could happen
is it's a paper napkin...
1005
00:37:57,360 --> 00:37:58,860
...and she wipes her mouth,
1006
00:37:58,860 --> 00:38:01,597
and, uh, there's some--
part of it snags.
1007
00:38:01,597 --> 00:38:03,699
Is there
a Fred Flintstone kind of line?
1008
00:38:03,699 --> 00:38:05,001
- No, there's no line.
- No line?
1009
00:38:05,001 --> 00:38:06,935
No, there's no line.
She gets a good shave.
1010
00:38:06,935 --> 00:38:09,037
- Electric or blade?
- Blade. She shaves every day.
1011
00:38:09,037 --> 00:38:11,573
But at the end of the day,
she's five o'clock shadow lady.
1012
00:38:11,573 --> 00:38:13,203
She'll shave twice a day
for you.
1013
00:38:13,203 --> 00:38:15,210
What if I happen
to be home at 4:30?
1014
00:38:15,210 --> 00:38:16,445
Guess who's on the ledge.
1015
00:38:20,749 --> 00:38:22,885
{\an8}Today, Larry David
will take the stand,
1016
00:38:22,885 --> 00:38:24,821
{\an8}and he will get a chance
to explain
1017
00:38:24,821 --> 00:38:26,588
{\an8}his motivations on election day.
1018
00:38:26,588 --> 00:38:28,823
{\an8}And defend himself
from the accusations
1019
00:38:28,823 --> 00:38:31,127
{\an8}hurled at him
by yesterday's witnesses.
1020
00:38:31,127 --> 00:38:36,798
{\an8}Larry David...
1021
00:38:36,798 --> 00:38:38,800
{\an8}Mr. David has got
his work cut out for him,
1022
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:41,703
the picture that's been painted
by the prosecution so far
1023
00:38:41,703 --> 00:38:44,839
is that of a petty, conniving,
and, frankly,
1024
00:38:44,839 --> 00:38:46,709
spiteful man.
1025
00:38:46,709 --> 00:38:49,073
And how hot was it
that day?
1026
00:38:49,073 --> 00:38:50,246
- It was a scorcher.
- Mm.
1027
00:38:50,246 --> 00:38:52,748
Even I was sweating,
and let me tell you something,
1028
00:38:52,748 --> 00:38:54,517
I don't sweat,
it's the craziest thing.
1029
00:38:54,517 --> 00:38:56,847
Like I could be playing
basketball in the summer,
1030
00:38:56,847 --> 00:38:57,786
I won't sweat.
1031
00:38:57,786 --> 00:39:00,589
You know,
occasionally for some reason,
1032
00:39:00,589 --> 00:39:02,757
I'll sweat during intercourse
sometimes, which is odd.
1033
00:39:02,757 --> 00:39:05,828
- You know, all of a sudden,
"Oh, I'm sweating!" You know?
- He needs to stop talking.
1034
00:39:05,828 --> 00:39:09,431
And how long
was the line to vote?
1035
00:39:09,431 --> 00:39:10,899
It was really long.
1036
00:39:10,899 --> 00:39:15,704
All those people
having to wait in the hot sun.
1037
00:39:15,704 --> 00:39:18,408
No trees.
1038
00:39:18,408 --> 00:39:19,609
No grass.
1039
00:39:19,609 --> 00:39:21,577
And was there any shade?
1040
00:39:21,577 --> 00:39:23,949
No shade.
1041
00:39:28,086 --> 00:39:32,821
I know I speak
for Ms. Black and all of us
1042
00:39:32,821 --> 00:39:35,191
when I say thank you
for your actions.
1043
00:39:35,191 --> 00:39:37,860
Oh, God bless you.
1044
00:39:37,860 --> 00:39:39,665
And may God bless us all.
1045
00:39:46,570 --> 00:39:48,102
- Yes. Yes.
- Thank you, Ms. Sanders.
1046
00:39:48,102 --> 00:39:51,308
- Prosecution, you got a cross?
- Yes, Your Honor.
1047
00:39:51,308 --> 00:39:52,341
Proceed.
1048
00:39:52,341 --> 00:39:54,009
Let's talk about laws,
Mr. David.
1049
00:39:54,009 --> 00:39:55,645
Do you ever remember
taking anything
1050
00:39:55,645 --> 00:39:56,946
that didn't belong to you?
1051
00:39:56,946 --> 00:39:58,681
You ever remember
stealing anything?
1052
00:39:58,681 --> 00:40:00,549
- No. No.
- No?
1053
00:40:00,549 --> 00:40:02,752
- You don't remember
taking flowers...
- No.
1054
00:40:02,752 --> 00:40:04,320
- ...from a dead woman's...
- No.
1055
00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:05,724
...memorial?
1056
00:40:08,625 --> 00:40:12,060
Oh, that? Well...
1057
00:40:12,060 --> 00:40:16,269
Do you remember taking
a golf club out of a coffin?
1058
00:40:18,135 --> 00:40:19,768
It was my 5-wood.
1059
00:40:19,768 --> 00:40:22,004
You pried the club
out of a dead man's hand?
1060
00:40:22,004 --> 00:40:24,634
Okay. So you know
when you get attached to a club,
1061
00:40:24,634 --> 00:40:27,476
you don't wanna give it up
even if it's in a coffin?
1062
00:40:27,476 --> 00:40:29,412
Well, that was that 5-wood
for me.
1063
00:40:29,412 --> 00:40:31,717
Did you ever bribe
a city councilman?
1064
00:40:32,650 --> 00:40:35,251
Do you remember breaking in
to the house
1065
00:40:35,251 --> 00:40:36,752
of the head of the city council
1066
00:40:36,752 --> 00:40:39,955
in order to take a letter
from Mr. Vindman
1067
00:40:39,955 --> 00:40:42,024
that incriminated you?
1068
00:40:42,024 --> 00:40:44,593
Ladies and gentlemen,
Larry David undermines
1069
00:40:44,593 --> 00:40:46,195
our free and fair elections.
1070
00:40:46,195 --> 00:40:49,365
He is exactly
who the Election Integrity Act
1071
00:40:49,365 --> 00:40:51,066
was built to protect us from.
1072
00:40:51,066 --> 00:40:53,998
- Objection, Your Honor.
- Overruled.
1073
00:40:53,998 --> 00:40:55,404
- Really?
- Yeah.
1074
00:40:55,404 --> 00:40:57,807
Let's go back
to the year 2000,
1075
00:40:57,807 --> 00:40:58,841
if we could, please.
1076
00:40:58,841 --> 00:41:01,744
Larry David, this is
from the Los Angeles Times.
1077
00:41:01,744 --> 00:41:03,878
It's an obituary written by you.
1078
00:41:03,878 --> 00:41:06,749
Could you read it
to the jury please, sir?
1079
00:41:06,749 --> 00:41:09,351
"Devoted sister, beloved cunt."
1080
00:41:09,351 --> 00:41:10,453
Huh?
1081
00:41:10,453 --> 00:41:12,758
It's a typo. Don't you see?
1082
00:41:13,492 --> 00:41:14,690
It's a typo.
1083
00:41:14,690 --> 00:41:15,991
The fact is...
1084
00:41:15,991 --> 00:41:18,093
...I've heard that she actually
was a bit of a cunt.
1085
00:41:18,093 --> 00:41:20,296
But that's still no excuse
1086
00:41:20,296 --> 00:41:21,831
to put that in a newspaper.
1087
00:41:21,831 --> 00:41:24,400
I have no further questions.
1088
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:26,235
Thank you, Counselor.
1089
00:41:26,235 --> 00:41:28,604
- I've talked to Larry
about Seinfeld and shit.
- Mm-hmm.
1090
00:41:28,604 --> 00:41:30,339
So...
1091
00:41:30,339 --> 00:41:32,676
my question is,
where the fuck are the tapes at?
1092
00:41:32,676 --> 00:41:33,808
- Tapes?
- Larr-- The tapes.
1093
00:41:33,808 --> 00:41:35,477
Larry won't give that shit up.
The tapes.
1094
00:41:35,477 --> 00:41:36,778
- What tapes?
- The fuck tapes.
1095
00:41:36,778 --> 00:41:37,947
You know what the fuck
I'm talking about.
1096
00:41:37,947 --> 00:41:39,615
- No, I don't.
- Every week,
1097
00:41:39,615 --> 00:41:40,850
you getting new ass, right?
1098
00:41:40,850 --> 00:41:42,117
Every fucking show...
1099
00:41:42,117 --> 00:41:43,886
- Mm-hmm.
- ...you meet some new chick.
1100
00:41:43,886 --> 00:41:45,889
- Well.
- And I know you fucking.
1101
00:41:45,889 --> 00:41:47,456
- You probably fucking people.
- Mm-hmm.
1102
00:41:47,456 --> 00:41:49,892
I did. I did. I had 'em all.
1103
00:41:49,892 --> 00:41:50,960
- Of course, man.
- Yeah.
1104
00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:52,728
- Come on.
- And it's all on tape.
1105
00:41:52,728 --> 00:41:53,795
I don't know how you knew.
1106
00:41:53,795 --> 00:41:54,863
I figured that shit out,
that's why.
1107
00:41:54,863 --> 00:41:57,366
Yeah. Yeah.
But they're on laser disc.
1108
00:41:57,366 --> 00:41:58,868
- Oh!
- Do you have a player?
1109
00:41:58,868 --> 00:42:00,569
- Fuck me, man.
- Yeah, sorry.
1110
00:42:00,569 --> 00:42:02,771
- No way to convert that shit
to something else?
- Yeah. No.
1111
00:42:02,771 --> 00:42:06,108
That's a shame.
It's 13 unbelievable hours.
1112
00:42:06,108 --> 00:42:08,011
- What a fucking waste, man.
- Yeah.
1113
00:42:08,011 --> 00:42:09,482
I might sell it to Netflix.
1114
00:42:10,315 --> 00:42:11,847
But it doesn't change the fact
1115
00:42:11,847 --> 00:42:14,649
that this law
is unconstitutional.
1116
00:42:14,649 --> 00:42:18,824
Yes, Larry David
did a lot of things wrong.
1117
00:42:20,158 --> 00:42:23,860
But this time,
he did something right.
1118
00:42:23,860 --> 00:42:25,961
And now,
1119
00:42:25,961 --> 00:42:29,535
you have the opportunity
to do something right too.
1120
00:42:31,570 --> 00:42:32,766
Thank you.
1121
00:42:33,972 --> 00:42:35,538
- Look at her.
- Terrific.
1122
00:42:35,538 --> 00:42:37,140
Thank you, Counselor.
1123
00:42:37,140 --> 00:42:38,273
Mr. Mack.
1124
00:42:38,273 --> 00:42:40,279
- Yes, Your Honor.
- Wow. That was great.
1125
00:42:41,378 --> 00:42:44,550
I know some of you
may not like this law.
1126
00:42:45,783 --> 00:42:47,049
But he broke it.
1127
00:42:47,049 --> 00:42:49,218
And this is
an incredible opportunity
1128
00:42:49,218 --> 00:42:53,856
to put away somebody before
they hurt other good people.
1129
00:42:53,856 --> 00:42:57,827
We are just scratching
the surface of the depths
1130
00:42:57,827 --> 00:43:00,262
that this monster will go to.
1131
00:43:00,262 --> 00:43:02,131
There's a police report
that exists
1132
00:43:02,131 --> 00:43:04,800
stating that Larry David
would not give candy
1133
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:06,569
- to children on Halloween.
- Trick or treat.
1134
00:43:06,569 --> 00:43:07,869
I don't-- I don't think so.
1135
00:43:07,869 --> 00:43:10,239
- God, asshole! Fuck you.
- Thanks for nothing, asshole.
1136
00:43:10,239 --> 00:43:14,513
He broke into a graveyard
to move his mother's body.
1137
00:43:15,413 --> 00:43:16,579
- This is nice.
- Oh, yeah?
1138
00:43:16,579 --> 00:43:19,648
He brought a sex offender
to a Passover seder.
1139
00:43:19,648 --> 00:43:22,886
He ate a dying dog's last meal.
1140
00:43:22,886 --> 00:43:25,288
Oh, that is really good.
1141
00:43:25,288 --> 00:43:26,889
And he fornicated...
1142
00:43:26,889 --> 00:43:29,559
...with a blowup doll
in broad daylight.
1143
00:43:29,559 --> 00:43:31,330
Oh, my God.
1144
00:43:31,929 --> 00:43:33,495
I made you a pillow sham.
1145
00:43:33,495 --> 00:43:36,032
- He taught a child
how to make a swastika.
- What the...
1146
00:43:36,032 --> 00:43:37,700
What was his name again,
Larry?
1147
00:43:37,700 --> 00:43:38,667
Hitler?
1148
00:43:38,667 --> 00:43:40,869
- Get in the car.
- He hired a prostitute
1149
00:43:40,869 --> 00:43:44,007
so that he could drive
in the carpool lane.
1150
00:43:44,007 --> 00:43:46,275
I had sex with my uncle.
1151
00:43:46,275 --> 00:43:51,384
And he pretended
to be an incest survivor...
1152
00:43:52,450 --> 00:43:54,349
named Todd.
1153
00:43:54,349 --> 00:43:58,721
This man was asked to go
to a dinner and just be cordial
1154
00:43:58,721 --> 00:44:00,089
and he couldn't even do that, folks.
1155
00:44:00,089 --> 00:44:02,191
He couldn't even be cordial.
1156
00:44:02,191 --> 00:44:06,095
Good people,
you have one decision to make.
1157
00:44:06,095 --> 00:44:08,097
I trust you'll make
the right one.
1158
00:44:11,100 --> 00:44:12,968
Thank you, Mr. Mack.
1159
00:44:12,968 --> 00:44:15,004
Jury will now begin
their deliberations.
1160
00:44:15,004 --> 00:44:17,773
All rise.
1161
00:44:17,773 --> 00:44:19,278
Court is adjourned.
1162
00:44:19,944 --> 00:44:21,247
How you feeling?
1163
00:44:22,814 --> 00:44:24,016
Confident.
1164
00:44:31,420 --> 00:44:32,921
Jerry. Jerry Seinfeld.
1165
00:44:32,921 --> 00:44:34,823
- Oh, my word. Sorry, man.
- Hey, how you doing?
1166
00:44:34,823 --> 00:44:36,291
Can I have two seconds
of your time, please?
1167
00:44:36,291 --> 00:44:39,061
I can't. I'm having dinner
with my friends.
1168
00:44:39,061 --> 00:44:40,229
My name's Michael Fouchay.
1169
00:44:40,229 --> 00:44:41,964
I'm actually
a legitimate businessman.
1170
00:44:41,964 --> 00:44:43,933
- I run Fouchay Enterprises.
- All right.
1171
00:44:43,933 --> 00:44:45,468
You might have heard of us.
1172
00:44:45,468 --> 00:44:47,469
- We own several businesses.
- I have not,
but I like the accent.
1173
00:44:47,469 --> 00:44:48,637
- South African?
- Yes.
1174
00:44:48,637 --> 00:44:50,405
- Yeah, I like that accent.
- I'm amazed you recognize it.
1175
00:44:50,405 --> 00:44:51,768
- Yeah, I do.
- Thank you.
1176
00:44:51,768 --> 00:44:54,176
I mean, I think accents
in general are moronic.
1177
00:44:54,176 --> 00:44:55,945
- Right.
- Why don't you talk the way
we talk?
1178
00:44:55,945 --> 00:44:57,046
You're here. You can hear it.
1179
00:44:57,046 --> 00:44:59,215
Listen, my brother's
having a birthday.
1180
00:44:59,215 --> 00:45:01,250
He's turning 40.
I've got a lovely house.
1181
00:45:01,250 --> 00:45:03,752
No one ever turned 40 before.
Yeah, go ahead.
1182
00:45:03,752 --> 00:45:06,055
You come, you smile,
take a few photos,
1183
00:45:06,055 --> 00:45:07,990
shake a few hands,
just be cordial.
1184
00:45:07,990 --> 00:45:09,425
Yeah. Can't do it.
1185
00:45:09,425 --> 00:45:11,364
- Why not?
- Can't be cordial.
1186
00:45:12,096 --> 00:45:15,163
Um... Uh...
1187
00:45:15,163 --> 00:45:17,098
- Uh, excuse me. No, I'm sorry.
- Oh. Excuse me. Pardon me.
1188
00:45:17,098 --> 00:45:18,600
- No, go ahead. No, I'm so sorry.
- So sorry. No, you go.
1189
00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:20,669
- No, go ahead.
- Hey, you know,
you look a lot like Joe Pesci.
1190
00:45:20,669 --> 00:45:22,038
- Anybody ever tell you that?
- Really?
1191
00:45:22,038 --> 00:45:23,506
- Yeah.
- You think I'm fucking funny?
1192
00:45:23,506 --> 00:45:25,008
- You think I'm a clown?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1193
00:45:25,008 --> 00:45:26,209
Am I here
to make you fucking laugh?
1194
00:45:26,209 --> 00:45:28,981
Yeah, that's what he says
in the...
1195
00:45:39,324 --> 00:45:40,489
The jury has reached a verdict
1196
00:45:40,489 --> 00:45:42,992
{\an8}in the trial of the people
of the state of Georgia
1197
00:45:42,992 --> 00:45:44,393
{\an8}versus Larry David.
1198
00:45:44,393 --> 00:45:46,895
{\an8}It's not about what this man
has done or the poor decisions
1199
00:45:46,895 --> 00:45:50,232
{\an8}he's made in the past,
it is about this heinous
1200
00:45:50,232 --> 00:45:52,401
and needlessly cruel law.
1201
00:46:01,778 --> 00:46:03,079
Huh?
1202
00:46:03,079 --> 00:46:04,980
- You're here?
- Hey, LD.
1203
00:46:04,980 --> 00:46:06,849
Don't worry.
I broke up with Cynthia.
1204
00:46:06,849 --> 00:46:09,151
Oh, jeez. Really?
That's too bad.
1205
00:46:09,151 --> 00:46:10,486
Yeah, well,
I'm a little worried.
1206
00:46:10,486 --> 00:46:12,655
- She bought a gun.
- She's gonna kill herself?
1207
00:46:12,655 --> 00:46:14,523
No. You.
1208
00:46:14,523 --> 00:46:16,529
That's funny.
1209
00:46:17,061 --> 00:46:18,464
It's not a joke.
1210
00:46:19,665 --> 00:46:20,462
Hey, man.
1211
00:46:20,462 --> 00:46:22,799
I binged
all those Seinfeld episodes.
1212
00:46:22,799 --> 00:46:23,900
Oh, yeah?
1213
00:46:23,900 --> 00:46:25,902
All I got left
is the fucking finale.
1214
00:46:25,902 --> 00:46:26,930
Wow.
1215
00:46:26,930 --> 00:46:28,804
Although, I heard
some terrible things about it.
1216
00:46:28,804 --> 00:46:30,939
I heard you fucked it up.
1217
00:46:30,939 --> 00:46:33,646
- All rise.
- Good luck today, man.
1218
00:46:41,085 --> 00:46:42,418
Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,
1219
00:46:42,418 --> 00:46:45,187
- have you reached a verdict?
- We have, Your Honor.
1220
00:46:51,395 --> 00:46:52,795
I don't understand,
why does the judge
1221
00:46:52,795 --> 00:46:54,162
have to peek at it?
1222
00:46:54,162 --> 00:46:57,132
Yeah, and I gotta see it,
and then ma-- then you go back.
1223
00:46:57,132 --> 00:46:58,200
This makes no sense.
1224
00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:00,339
Yeah.
They can't make two copies?
1225
00:47:06,544 --> 00:47:10,312
On the charge of violating
the Election Integrity Act,
1226
00:47:10,312 --> 00:47:12,251
how do you find the defendant?
1227
00:47:15,419 --> 00:47:17,920
We find the defendant guilty.
1228
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:19,088
- What?
- Oh, come on.
1229
00:47:19,088 --> 00:47:20,957
- This is a travesty of justice.
- Come on.
1230
00:47:20,957 --> 00:47:24,193
Oh, my God.
1231
00:47:24,193 --> 00:47:26,923
{\an8}Mr. David,
seems you have a history
1232
00:47:26,923 --> 00:47:30,666
{\an8}of doing the same things wrong
over and over.
1233
00:47:30,666 --> 00:47:34,570
And I truly hope this time
you finally learned your lesson.
1234
00:47:34,570 --> 00:47:36,172
And to make sure of that,
I'm gonna sentence you
1235
00:47:36,172 --> 00:47:38,007
to the maximum the law allows.
1236
00:47:38,007 --> 00:47:39,208
One year in prison.
1237
00:47:39,208 --> 00:47:43,245
- What? Come on. Seriously?
- Larry, look.
1238
00:47:43,245 --> 00:47:45,347
When you get there,
get a job at the library.
1239
00:47:45,347 --> 00:47:46,983
No, I think the infirmary.
1240
00:47:46,983 --> 00:47:48,150
Maybe something
in reception.
1241
00:47:48,150 --> 00:47:50,052
"Hello, jail. Can I help you?"
1242
00:47:50,052 --> 00:47:51,320
Bailiff.
1243
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:53,089
Take Mr. David into custody.
1244
00:47:53,089 --> 00:47:54,456
Hey, Larry. Don't worry.
1245
00:47:54,456 --> 00:47:57,360
I'm gonna take real, real
good care of that house of ours.
1246
00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:59,896
- Oh, my God.
- Bye, Larr.
1247
00:47:59,896 --> 00:48:01,064
Hey,
let me ask you something.
1248
00:48:01,064 --> 00:48:03,332
What do you do about,
you know, toothpaste
1249
00:48:03,332 --> 00:48:06,068
and shaving cream and Q-tips?
1250
00:48:06,068 --> 00:48:08,871
Is-- Is there a store
or is it like a hotel
1251
00:48:08,871 --> 00:48:10,139
where they just leave it out
for you?
1252
00:48:10,139 --> 00:48:11,974
And can I bring
my own toilet paper?
1253
00:48:11,974 --> 00:48:13,342
Oh, and my phone charger.
1254
00:48:13,342 --> 00:48:15,077
Leon, Leon,
I need my phone charger.
1255
00:48:15,077 --> 00:48:16,712
- You don't got a charger.
- I loaned it to you.
1256
00:48:16,712 --> 00:48:19,683
- I gave it back.
- Bullshit! That's my charger!
1257
00:48:21,150 --> 00:48:23,352
I should probably go do
some interviews.
1258
00:48:23,352 --> 00:48:25,358
Where should we eat?
1259
00:48:31,195 --> 00:48:32,929
Hey. Look at this.
1260
00:48:32,929 --> 00:48:34,597
That happens to me too.
1261
00:48:34,597 --> 00:48:37,099
- What do you call that?
- It's a pants tent.
1262
00:48:37,099 --> 00:48:38,467
- Pants tent.
- Yeah.
1263
00:48:38,467 --> 00:48:40,804
I got a five-inch bunch up here.
1264
00:48:40,804 --> 00:48:42,005
You know something,
1265
00:48:42,005 --> 00:48:44,206
I stopped wearing corduroys
because of that.
1266
00:48:44,206 --> 00:48:46,108
Yeah, I'm wearing corduroys now.
1267
00:48:46,108 --> 00:48:48,144
Yeah, and women,
1268
00:48:48,144 --> 00:48:49,445
they don't know
what a pants tent is.
1269
00:48:49,445 --> 00:48:51,748
They-- It could lead
to misunderstandings.
1270
00:48:51,748 --> 00:48:53,182
They get confused.
1271
00:48:53,182 --> 00:48:55,151
Hey.
1272
00:48:55,151 --> 00:48:56,855
Somebody's here to see you.
1273
00:48:59,856 --> 00:49:02,258
All right, Chuckles.
Let's get you out of here.
1274
00:49:02,258 --> 00:49:03,658
- What? Wait.
- Yeah.
1275
00:49:03,658 --> 00:49:05,562
What are you-- What are you--
What are you talking about?
1276
00:49:05,562 --> 00:49:06,963
It's over.
1277
00:49:06,963 --> 00:49:09,065
- It's over?
- You're a free man.
1278
00:49:09,065 --> 00:49:10,466
- I'm a free man?
- That's right.
1279
00:49:10,466 --> 00:49:12,701
- How am I a free man?
- I'll tell you how.
1280
00:49:12,701 --> 00:49:14,937
You know that Mexican restaurant
near the hotel?
1281
00:49:14,937 --> 00:49:16,205
I go there
to get something to eat.
1282
00:49:16,205 --> 00:49:17,572
I don't even like Mexican food.
1283
00:49:17,572 --> 00:49:19,275
That's okay.
I won't tell anybody.
1284
00:49:19,275 --> 00:49:21,410
- What do I care?
- Well, some people care.
1285
00:49:21,410 --> 00:49:22,911
- Really?
- Yeah.
1286
00:49:22,911 --> 00:49:26,048
Anyway, there's this guy there,
looks like Joe Pesci.
1287
00:49:26,048 --> 00:49:27,884
So I go up to him,
talking to him.
1288
00:49:27,884 --> 00:49:29,285
I go you really look like Pesci
1289
00:49:29,285 --> 00:49:30,685
- from Goodfellas.
- Yeah.
1290
00:49:30,685 --> 00:49:32,388
He goes, "Oh, what am I,
a clown for you?"
1291
00:49:32,388 --> 00:49:33,589
I go, "Ah, that's a Pesci line."
1292
00:49:33,589 --> 00:49:34,756
- Yeah, yeah.
- You know?
1293
00:49:34,756 --> 00:49:36,691
- He doesn't like that too much.
- Uh-huh.
1294
00:49:36,691 --> 00:49:40,295
Anyway, today in the courtroom,
I look in the jury box.
1295
00:49:40,295 --> 00:49:42,865
That's that guy. Same guy.
1296
00:49:42,865 --> 00:49:44,099
The hair, Pesci.
1297
00:49:44,099 --> 00:49:45,234
Yeah, yeah,
that's the guy in the jury.
1298
00:49:45,234 --> 00:49:46,802
- The juror. I know that guy.
- Yeah.
1299
00:49:46,802 --> 00:49:48,570
- The big pompadour. Yeah, yeah.
- With the hair.
Yeah, yeah.
1300
00:49:48,570 --> 00:49:50,339
He's not supposed to be
in a Mexican restaurant
1301
00:49:50,339 --> 00:49:51,707
because he's under sequester.
1302
00:49:51,707 --> 00:49:53,609
- He broke his sequester?
- Broke his sequester.
1303
00:49:53,609 --> 00:49:55,677
- He's supposed to sequester.
- He's supposed to sequester.
1304
00:49:55,677 --> 00:49:57,646
- He's a bad sequesterer.
- You can't not sequester
1305
00:49:57,646 --> 00:49:59,648
- when you're supposed
to sequester, right?
- You should be sequestering.
1306
00:49:59,648 --> 00:50:02,351
Yeah. I tell the judge,
judge calls the restaurant,
1307
00:50:02,351 --> 00:50:04,320
they look
at the security footage.
1308
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:07,560
Mistrial declared.
Sentence thrown out.
1309
00:50:08,226 --> 00:50:09,358
You're done.
1310
00:50:09,358 --> 00:50:12,861
How about that, sport fans?
1311
00:50:12,861 --> 00:50:17,133
Uh-- I-- Well, you know...
Come on.
1312
00:50:17,133 --> 00:50:18,896
- Ah!
- I mean, crazy.
1313
00:50:18,896 --> 00:50:20,369
You don't wanna end up
like this.
1314
00:50:20,369 --> 00:50:21,807
Nobody wants to see it.
1315
00:50:22,240 --> 00:50:23,442
Trust me.
1316
00:50:24,375 --> 00:50:25,574
Wow.
1317
00:50:25,574 --> 00:50:27,243
Breathe the free air, young man.
1318
00:50:27,243 --> 00:50:29,478
Yes.
1319
00:50:32,014 --> 00:50:33,319
Oh, my God.
1320
00:50:35,420 --> 00:50:37,887
This is how
we should've ended the finale.
1321
00:50:37,887 --> 00:50:39,588
Oh, my God, you're right.
1322
00:50:39,588 --> 00:50:41,519
How did we not think of that?
1323
00:50:46,797 --> 00:50:48,765
Ladies and gentlemen,
we've reached our cruising...
1324
00:50:48,765 --> 00:50:49,565
Wow.
1325
00:50:49,565 --> 00:50:50,800
- Yeah.
- Try that one.
1326
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:52,168
- You know what?
- Yeah.
1327
00:50:52,168 --> 00:50:53,369
Handcuffs look tight
on that one.
1328
00:50:53,369 --> 00:50:54,870
They do. Did they hurt?
1329
00:50:54,870 --> 00:50:56,272
- Uh-uh.
- No?
1330
00:50:56,272 --> 00:50:57,841
Montgomery Clift.
1331
00:51:02,346 --> 00:51:04,045
- Whoo! Hey.
- Hey, what is that?
1332
00:51:04,045 --> 00:51:06,348
- I need it for the light.
I need it to read.
- The what? I'm--
1333
00:51:06,348 --> 00:51:08,317
I'm trying to read.
I can't see. You're blinding me.
1334
00:51:08,317 --> 00:51:09,518
Well, I need it to read.
I need--
1335
00:51:09,518 --> 00:51:11,553
Why don't you use
the overhead light?
1336
00:51:11,553 --> 00:51:12,988
Just let her keep the shade up.
1337
00:51:12,988 --> 00:51:15,324
I'm trying to watch a movie,
all I see is glare.
1338
00:51:15,324 --> 00:51:17,126
It's like I'm watching
a fucking radio right now.
1339
00:51:17,126 --> 00:51:18,594
My retinas are burning.
1340
00:51:18,594 --> 00:51:20,329
This is bullshit.
This is bullshit.
1341
00:51:20,329 --> 00:51:21,763
Cheryl and I want it open.
1342
00:51:21,763 --> 00:51:24,367
It's a community shade.
She doesn't own that shade.
1343
00:51:24,367 --> 00:51:26,435
- Go fuck yourself, Larr.
- We'll take a vote.
1344
00:51:26,435 --> 00:51:28,603
Go back to fucking jail, Larry.
1345
00:51:28,603 --> 00:51:30,839
- Oh, nice. That's nice.
- I vote with them.
1346
00:51:30,839 --> 00:51:33,008
- I vote with them.
- It's not your window.